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The Things I Want Most: The Extraordinary Story Of A Boy's Journey To A Family Of His Own
A straightforward story of a troubled foster son and his family, The Things I Want Most shows just how much persistence can pay off when it comes to family relationships. Funny, alarming, encouraging, and always honest, the book covers Mike's first year with his large foster family and all the struggles the family went through to make him feel both welcome. His needs and frustrations are central to the book, as are his parents' creative--and often desperate--solutions. There's a lot to think about here, including what makes a real family and how to achieve open communication in any group of people. Told through a combination of standard narrative and conversational snippets, this is a quick and engrossing read that any parent can relate to. But for anyone interested in becoming a foster parent, the book should be required reading: the first-hand accounts will provide all kinds of valuable insights into the special concerns of this kind of parenting. With an epilogue rounding out the past with a brief mention of family members' current activities, you'll feel like you spent the day getting to know a neighbor--and being pleasantly surprised with some of life's happy endings. --Jill Lightner
288 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1998
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197 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
April 26, 2018
I looked up the author on Google recently, and found this in his obituary:
He was an author, a columnist, a public speaker, and a storyteller who always attracted an audience
Miniter's storytelling talent was evident in this book. He writes with humor, candor, and honesty that pulls you right in. Miniter describes one year in his life, when he and his wife Sue take in an emotionally disturbed boy named "Mike". Despite all the problems they encounter, with Mike's outbursts, his frequent window smashing, stealing, bedwetting, swearing and just general destructive behavior, Richard and Sue care for him as best they can. Their no nonsense approach is refreshing. The Miniters lived in the countryside, with hills, streams, woods, etc, everything in nature except the ocean. They had two pet dogs and a cat, were avid hunters, and relished the outdoors. Reading about Mike's jaunts into the woods, with his dogs, riding his bike, helping Richard with his "hunt", and cooking alongside Sue, having late night jogs with one of the Miniters' grown sons, was inspiring and reminded me that sometimes it's the little things that make a world of difference. There is of course, much more involved in helping a traumatized child to stabilize, but fresh air and country living can have a huge impact, as Miniter describes. (It reminds me of when my Opa had tuberculosis way back in the early 1900's... The "cure" for him was to go to a sanitorium in the mountains, to breathe fresh air, eat wholesome food, and rest. I think my Opa stayed in the sanitorium for almost a year. And he did regain his health. He lived to be 99 yrs old! )
One thing did disturb me though, his wife Sue. Miniter quotes her often throughout the book. She seemed shrewish and condescending, not towards Mike but towards her husband. She spoke to him as if he were an absolute fool. If Minter's depiction is correct, I feel sorry for him. Not many men could put up with that kind of treatment.
I enjoyed reading this book but wish there had been a more recent epilogue. I would have liked to have known what happened in the later years with Mike.
He was an author, a columnist, a public speaker, and a storyteller who always attracted an audience
Miniter's storytelling talent was evident in this book. He writes with humor, candor, and honesty that pulls you right in. Miniter describes one year in his life, when he and his wife Sue take in an emotionally disturbed boy named "Mike". Despite all the problems they encounter, with Mike's outbursts, his frequent window smashing, stealing, bedwetting, swearing and just general destructive behavior, Richard and Sue care for him as best they can. Their no nonsense approach is refreshing. The Miniters lived in the countryside, with hills, streams, woods, etc, everything in nature except the ocean. They had two pet dogs and a cat, were avid hunters, and relished the outdoors. Reading about Mike's jaunts into the woods, with his dogs, riding his bike, helping Richard with his "hunt", and cooking alongside Sue, having late night jogs with one of the Miniters' grown sons, was inspiring and reminded me that sometimes it's the little things that make a world of difference. There is of course, much more involved in helping a traumatized child to stabilize, but fresh air and country living can have a huge impact, as Miniter describes. (It reminds me of when my Opa had tuberculosis way back in the early 1900's... The "cure" for him was to go to a sanitorium in the mountains, to breathe fresh air, eat wholesome food, and rest. I think my Opa stayed in the sanitorium for almost a year. And he did regain his health. He lived to be 99 yrs old! )
One thing did disturb me though, his wife Sue. Miniter quotes her often throughout the book. She seemed shrewish and condescending, not towards Mike but towards her husband. She spoke to him as if he were an absolute fool. If Minter's depiction is correct, I feel sorry for him. Not many men could put up with that kind of treatment.
I enjoyed reading this book but wish there had been a more recent epilogue. I would have liked to have known what happened in the later years with Mike.
May 16, 2020
I was glad to revisit this book, which I excerpted for Reader’s Digest when I was an editor there. Once again I was amazed by this couple’s dedication to helping their foster child, 12-year-old Mike, despite his frequent violent, disruptive behavior.
The couple made great sacrifices for Mike, losing the much-needed income from guests in the rambling old inn that they lived in and were renovating; the visitors just couldn’t take the noisy tantrums and frequent shattered windows. The Miniters themselves came very close to giving up on the boy; if they had, It would have been the 13th failed placement in his young life and the next step would have been a residential village for troubled adolescent boys, that had a scary reputation.
*SPOILER* in the end they adopt Mike and change his name. The last chapter is quite cursory: he’s at a boarding school, but part of the family. Many questions remain, however. Did Mike go on to realize his dream of becoming a professional cook? Moments shared with his foster mother, Sue, in the inn’s kitchen show his love and aptitude for baking and cooking, rare times of happiness and peace for him. My biggest question arose from reading an obituary of Richard Miniter; he died in 2017 (this book was published in 2000) at age 50. The obit says that he was survived by his wife and six children; if Mike was still in the family that should have been seven children. This made me sad.*END SPOILER*
There is some powerful storytelling. One of the reasons I wanted to revisit it was because of the author’s private mythology that he shared with his young sons, about a spirit bear named Broken Paw, whose mystical presence helped the boys at crisis times in their lives, and also helped Mike. When my son was going through a tough time as a teenager, I was working on my edit of this book, and told him the story of Broken Paw; it seemed to help him as well. Some 17 years later my son still remembers the story.
In my Kindle version of this book, midway through the typography got weird; many proper names that should’ve been capitalized were lowercase. Also, it is clear that several parts of the book are direct excerpts from Richard’s Journal; these were not identified as such by italics or any different typography, which was distracting.
The Catskill Mountain setting is vivid and the author shares his faith in the healing power of nature—though it seems that in his world it’s only men, or mostly men, who gain strength by testing themselves in the wild.
A memorable read that leaves the reader with admiration, and questions.
The couple made great sacrifices for Mike, losing the much-needed income from guests in the rambling old inn that they lived in and were renovating; the visitors just couldn’t take the noisy tantrums and frequent shattered windows. The Miniters themselves came very close to giving up on the boy; if they had, It would have been the 13th failed placement in his young life and the next step would have been a residential village for troubled adolescent boys, that had a scary reputation.
*SPOILER* in the end they adopt Mike and change his name. The last chapter is quite cursory: he’s at a boarding school, but part of the family. Many questions remain, however. Did Mike go on to realize his dream of becoming a professional cook? Moments shared with his foster mother, Sue, in the inn’s kitchen show his love and aptitude for baking and cooking, rare times of happiness and peace for him. My biggest question arose from reading an obituary of Richard Miniter; he died in 2017 (this book was published in 2000) at age 50. The obit says that he was survived by his wife and six children; if Mike was still in the family that should have been seven children. This made me sad.*END SPOILER*
There is some powerful storytelling. One of the reasons I wanted to revisit it was because of the author’s private mythology that he shared with his young sons, about a spirit bear named Broken Paw, whose mystical presence helped the boys at crisis times in their lives, and also helped Mike. When my son was going through a tough time as a teenager, I was working on my edit of this book, and told him the story of Broken Paw; it seemed to help him as well. Some 17 years later my son still remembers the story.
In my Kindle version of this book, midway through the typography got weird; many proper names that should’ve been capitalized were lowercase. Also, it is clear that several parts of the book are direct excerpts from Richard’s Journal; these were not identified as such by italics or any different typography, which was distracting.
The Catskill Mountain setting is vivid and the author shares his faith in the healing power of nature—though it seems that in his world it’s only men, or mostly men, who gain strength by testing themselves in the wild.
A memorable read that leaves the reader with admiration, and questions.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 9, 2025
This couple has raised six children successfully to adulthood, so what makes more sense than taking on the most complex foster child they can find? Mike is severely emotionally disturbed, more like a wild animal than a child. He barely uses a toilet, he’s violent, he lies, steals, breaks things, he disrupts their business of running a quiet, calm boarding house, he throws the entire family into chaos. No one in the world would keep this child. This couple puts forth a valiant effort for several months, but eventually they decide Mike is just too much. Who wouldn’t? But then there is a tiny change, and then everything changes. God, these are admirable people. Normal people just don’t do what they did. Read for inspiration and for the knowledge that good things do still happen in this world.
August 20, 2018
Wish the author would rewrite the last chapter
This story riveted me, keeping me up most the night reading until just a couple of chapters remained. It is the story of a couple with grown children, who take in and take on a foster child, severely injured physically, mentally and emotionally by the people and happenings in his life. The book details the fights and struggles the family endures to make remarkable progress with an impossible situation and child. But the book falls down in the last chapter. After exquisitely detailing the horrors and small progress made, the last chapter quickly closes the story without giving any much wanted information on how the story ends, with the boy leaving their care. More info please!
This story riveted me, keeping me up most the night reading until just a couple of chapters remained. It is the story of a couple with grown children, who take in and take on a foster child, severely injured physically, mentally and emotionally by the people and happenings in his life. The book details the fights and struggles the family endures to make remarkable progress with an impossible situation and child. But the book falls down in the last chapter. After exquisitely detailing the horrors and small progress made, the last chapter quickly closes the story without giving any much wanted information on how the story ends, with the boy leaving their care. More info please!
May 26, 2023
This book was an incredible testemony of love and unconditional support. Mike is a 12 year old boy who has been to 12 different homes. HE doesnt know what a family is, and his last hope is this program, that the Miniter family joins. After a long iniationprocess he gets to live with them and this book tells the first year of living with them. The Miniters are a big family with all their kids almost out of the house. They are facing the challenge with confidence but what happens in that year is nothing they could have ever imagined. This year is hard. They think about giving up. Still they try everything to change Mikes life for the better, and the best part about it: They manage to do that!
This book is great, even it was written quite some time ago it still holds up the same.
This book is great, even it was written quite some time ago it still holds up the same.
July 16, 2020
The author has a way with words. I would begin to cry and within seconds snort laugh. That being said, it was written too close to the time it happened. This caused two effects. First, the end was not well thought through and was choppy (a story is added to the last chapter about his niece that has no relevance to the story and is not seen into the narrative well...he then dedicates the book to her). Secondly, there are no future updates on "Mike." Good for you, you managed a year...then? Overall, a good read until the last few chapters. Definitely makes you think.
March 15, 2018
A beautiful story of a confused, hidebound “bureau” somehow managed to stay out of the way of a little confused hurting couple
Managed to actually loosen their grip at strategic times in this very challenging time in the life of a boy who could have so easily have become another mixed-up human
Not to mention all the idyllic setting for A boy to escape a think and or dream about “belonging “ in a “real “ family.
Managed to actually loosen their grip at strategic times in this very challenging time in the life of a boy who could have so easily have become another mixed-up human
Not to mention all the idyllic setting for A boy to escape a think and or dream about “belonging “ in a “real “ family.
April 17, 2018
I'm happy to have read this book. It is beautifully written and a joy to read. I love stories like this ~ of ordinary people doing extraordinary things, not perfectly but to the best of their abilities. By changing the life of an emotionally damaged boy, the author and his wife changed his world. And maybe our world, as well. I believe they changed mine.
August 7, 2017
Mi è piaciuto e lo consiglio a tutti i genitori. Infonde coraggio e speranza. Dimostra che anche quando sembra che non ci sia più alcuna possibilità di essere salvati, è sufficiente la volontà per riuscire a cambiare la vita di chi non ha mai avuto nessuno a lottare al proprio fianco.
August 14, 2018
This is the story of how a family gives an emotionally handicapped child a second chance.
I admire the tenacity, in which this family had to cope with this boys many problems. You may find this book on book share.
I admire the tenacity, in which this family had to cope with this boys many problems. You may find this book on book share.
May 3, 2019
Ho avuto a che fare per un anno con un ragazzino come Mike, anche peggiore purtroppo, e capisco cosa significhi. Ammiro questi genitori che ce l'hanno fatta ed è una ventata di speranza per molti che soffrono.
May 5, 2019
Such a brave story
I’m always amazing and intrigued with peoples’ stories. This was a good one. Was frustrated by the lack of proper punctuation and editing, but it didn’t take away from their brave journey
I’m always amazing and intrigued with peoples’ stories. This was a good one. Was frustrated by the lack of proper punctuation and editing, but it didn’t take away from their brave journey
January 31, 2021
A touching story of a family’s journey adopting a child with special needs. Offers an unvarnished look at both the joys and challenges. The story ends mid-stream, leaving the reader wondering what happened.
March 11, 2018
A great read!
Heart-rending and full of hope. I will remember Mike and the extraordinary couple who gave him a chance at life. Well-written. Worth reading.
Heart-rending and full of hope. I will remember Mike and the extraordinary couple who gave him a chance at life. Well-written. Worth reading.
March 26, 2018
I love it and thought this family showed so much patience determination and perseverance. It shows the depth of what love and nurturing can do for someone.
April 24, 2018
Amazing story, the writing is a bit tedious at times but more often than not it's great storytelling of true accounts, loved the Miniters and how much they truly cared for that kid
May 25, 2022
It was a great read , until the last chapter. It felt rushed and not a lot of updated information about Mike.
November 20, 2020
I picked up this book a little over 2 years ago as a recommendation of my daily emails from BookBub, a website that sends you daily deals for cheap e-books. Becoming a foster parent is something I always felt strongly about doing one day in my financially stable future. There are so many children and teens that need someone in their corner that can give them stability, structure, and love that may have been missing. This book gives such a revealing, raw insight about the ups and downs of the foster care system and what it is like being a foster parent. Richard Miniter gives many details that are harder to swallow but contribute to a compelling story. He explains in his introduction that he kept diaries during that first year as a way to decompress from all that was happening. He also states that some conversations and thoughts were inferred from recollections of the time period and with assistance from family & friends.
One main takeaway from this book is that there is no way of streamlining the process of the foster system or generalizing the issues each child has faced and brings to the case. Every case is extremely different from the other, some similarities may carry over with multiple kids in one household moving into the system. In the Miniter’s case, Mike was a young boy that brought every “worst case scenario” to life and yet they all stuck through. There were many points in this story where I questioned myself if I could really handle a young child that was reported to be a danger not only to others but himself as well? My answer, then at 25 and now at 27 (and single), is still the same – no. However, Richard and Sue were not my age and were not alone. This story was not just about a little boy getting a chance to have a new life but it was about the marriage that took every hit that came their way and still managed to lift each other up in the end. Their kids, extended family, and close friends were highly doubtful for much of the story that things would work out favorably for anyone. Even with all negatives stacked against them, they did everything possible to make it work. There was the initial training & extensive application process, group therapy sessions, meetings with teachers in special education, doctor’s visits, playdates with other foster parents, and their many talks with their family specialist Joanne. Joanne became an essential part of the entire story; the bridge between the foster parent and the foster child. She did not hold back when it came to her opinion but even when there were times she seemed to “favor” putting Mike back into the system, she really wanted them all to prosper. There are so many horror stories of social workers being completely overwhelmed with cases and the children & families end up falling through the cracks. Luckily, this was not the case with Joanne. She was there for every step of the way when needed and when the Miniters may have disagreed with Joanne’s opinion it was because they knew their own capabilities as parents and could not give up on Mike.
It seemed that for much of this book there was a huge test of faith that anyone would be able to endure this mountain of a journey. There is no shying away from how hard & how much work it is to bring a severely damaged child into your home and attempt to heal them. You can’t write a story like that and not give all the upsetting details. A short flash forward is given in the epilogue but it does not round out the foster system process, mainly if there were more struggles with trying to adopt or any distant family making the process more difficult. Along with that, I think there were some discussions that were had between the married couple and some situations with Mike that were cut too short and more detail could have been given. I’m sure there was more to this story in the beginning drafts of Miniter’s writing and were taken out to keep the story from veering too far off course. I felt some things were incomplete and could have been made whole. It is not likely that the core of the story would have changed by keeping certain details but I was very invested in their lives and did not want to be limited in any way.
One main takeaway from this book is that there is no way of streamlining the process of the foster system or generalizing the issues each child has faced and brings to the case. Every case is extremely different from the other, some similarities may carry over with multiple kids in one household moving into the system. In the Miniter’s case, Mike was a young boy that brought every “worst case scenario” to life and yet they all stuck through. There were many points in this story where I questioned myself if I could really handle a young child that was reported to be a danger not only to others but himself as well? My answer, then at 25 and now at 27 (and single), is still the same – no. However, Richard and Sue were not my age and were not alone. This story was not just about a little boy getting a chance to have a new life but it was about the marriage that took every hit that came their way and still managed to lift each other up in the end. Their kids, extended family, and close friends were highly doubtful for much of the story that things would work out favorably for anyone. Even with all negatives stacked against them, they did everything possible to make it work. There was the initial training & extensive application process, group therapy sessions, meetings with teachers in special education, doctor’s visits, playdates with other foster parents, and their many talks with their family specialist Joanne. Joanne became an essential part of the entire story; the bridge between the foster parent and the foster child. She did not hold back when it came to her opinion but even when there were times she seemed to “favor” putting Mike back into the system, she really wanted them all to prosper. There are so many horror stories of social workers being completely overwhelmed with cases and the children & families end up falling through the cracks. Luckily, this was not the case with Joanne. She was there for every step of the way when needed and when the Miniters may have disagreed with Joanne’s opinion it was because they knew their own capabilities as parents and could not give up on Mike.
It seemed that for much of this book there was a huge test of faith that anyone would be able to endure this mountain of a journey. There is no shying away from how hard & how much work it is to bring a severely damaged child into your home and attempt to heal them. You can’t write a story like that and not give all the upsetting details. A short flash forward is given in the epilogue but it does not round out the foster system process, mainly if there were more struggles with trying to adopt or any distant family making the process more difficult. Along with that, I think there were some discussions that were had between the married couple and some situations with Mike that were cut too short and more detail could have been given. I’m sure there was more to this story in the beginning drafts of Miniter’s writing and were taken out to keep the story from veering too far off course. I felt some things were incomplete and could have been made whole. It is not likely that the core of the story would have changed by keeping certain details but I was very invested in their lives and did not want to be limited in any way.
November 6, 2012
Mike è un cosiddetto "bambino difficile", ha alle spalle una lunga storia di abbandoni, e quando Rich e Sue decidono di prenderlo in affido non sanno cosa li aspetta. Credevano che fosse un esserino debole e bisognoso d'amore, e che l'affetto di due persone che lo trattassero come un figlio avrebbe risolto tutti i suoi problemi. Ma Mike sa che quella a cui è stato affidato è solo una famiglia temporanea, e fa di tutto per non affezionarsi, esplodendo in scatti di rabbia quando si accorge di aver abbassato le difese, insultando tutti, rinchiudendosi nel suo mondo e tenendo tutti a distanza.
Questo libro è il resoconto del primo anno di Mike con Rich e Sue, che in seguito lo adotteranno. Un anno difficile, in cui a volte i due sono tentati di gettare la spugna, ma che porta anche a piccoli - e spesso effimeri - successi.
Mi è piaciuto molto e l'ho divorato, non gli dò il massimo solo perché avrei voluto arrivare a conoscere meglio il piccolo Mike.
January 1, 2011
This book is different than most books I enjoy reading, although I do love memoirs. It is about a unique and inspiring family who takes on a difficult foster child named Mike. The setting is lovely - you can just imagine the beautiful mountains of upstate New York and their cozy country inn. On the other hand, you can picture every detail of their heart-wrenching interactions with Mike as he struggles to find himself and acclimate to their family. I was so fascinated with the story that I wanted to know where the family is now, although there isn't much to find online since this story was written almost 15 years ago. Still, it was beautiful, and the last page put tears in my eyes.
May 29, 2007
This book was an easy, quick read. If you are interested in foster children, you would likely enjoy it. The writing is pedestrian, and the author uses a formula that gets predictable quickly (kid acts out, chaos ensues, parents have light bulb moment,changes made, kid makes miraculous improvements, rinse, repeat.)
February 28, 2011
This is the story of a foster child, and the family who took him in. I don't think I could ever be a foster parent, it sounds so incredibly hard, but I think it is amazing that this family took this child and just kept trying and trying until they finally made some progress. It's very sad in parts, but definitely a good read.
September 28, 2011
This book really inspired me and I keep coming back to the story over and over again. Wonderful. Unexpected.
I even emailed the author and after many months he wrote me back. It was very sweet of him to take the time.
I even emailed the author and after many months he wrote me back. It was very sweet of him to take the time.
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March 1, 2008Honest account of the risk undertaken when adopting a "difficult" child. Gives you lots to think about if you are considering adoption of an older child.
August 24, 2008
This book was amazingly helpful to me. I deal with little people on a daily basis who act in ways that seem irrational to me. Many of them come from similar situations as the boy in this book.
January 5, 2009
Would recommend this book to anyone thinking of becoming a foster parent, or anyone with a "difficult" child. I don't have children, but it was an interesting read for me.
Read
October 8, 2012SO good. about a foster child with lots of behavioral trouble, told by the father. very encouraging story.
January 31, 2013
A page turner. I had to stay up late a few nights cause I couldn't put it down.
March 25, 2015
I really enjoyed this book. I felt it was a good description of foster care of hard kids from the foster parents view. I really love that this family stuck with this kid and didn't give up!!!
March 8, 2017
A decent story, although a bit constrained by time and location, about loving a child who is difficult to love. We're foster parents, so it resonated with me.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews