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Making Friends with Your Mind: The Key to Contentment
Return to the Inner Flow and Freedom of "Unconditional Friendliness"
Have you ever found yourself thinking your way into a tangle of fret, frustration, or gloom? And then something small—a few kind words, the sun glancing through the clouds, a warm cup of tea—gave you a welcome pause from all your inner chatter? With Making Friends with Your Mind, that's what Pema Chödrön helps us to do, not by chance but with our full intention: to stop fighting with our thoughts and reopen ourselves to wonder as naturally as we breathe.
The Buddha saw that the human experience is full of drama: confusion and conviction, joy and sorrow, success and failure—and that our minds love to amplify all of it. "We decide somebody or something is a certain way," muses Pema Chödrön, "and then that judgment gets frozen and fixated, long after things change. And things always change, right?"
In these free-spirited sessions, Ani Pema helps you to bring awareness to those inflexible thoughts and sticking points. Through meditations, daily practices, and the kind of simple pointers that can change our lives, you’ll learn that it is entirely possible to return to the flow and freedom of your experiences—and to find your way each day closer to a place of unconditional friendliness with yourself and with those in need.
Have you ever found yourself thinking your way into a tangle of fret, frustration, or gloom? And then something small—a few kind words, the sun glancing through the clouds, a warm cup of tea—gave you a welcome pause from all your inner chatter? With Making Friends with Your Mind, that's what Pema Chödrön helps us to do, not by chance but with our full intention: to stop fighting with our thoughts and reopen ourselves to wonder as naturally as we breathe.
The Buddha saw that the human experience is full of drama: confusion and conviction, joy and sorrow, success and failure—and that our minds love to amplify all of it. "We decide somebody or something is a certain way," muses Pema Chödrön, "and then that judgment gets frozen and fixated, long after things change. And things always change, right?"
In these free-spirited sessions, Ani Pema helps you to bring awareness to those inflexible thoughts and sticking points. Through meditations, daily practices, and the kind of simple pointers that can change our lives, you’ll learn that it is entirely possible to return to the flow and freedom of your experiences—and to find your way each day closer to a place of unconditional friendliness with yourself and with those in need.
5 pages, Audio CD
Published September 1, 2016
19 people are currently reading
501 people want to read
About the author
Pema Chödrön
199 books5,485 followersAni Pema Chödrön (Deirdre Blomfield-Brown) is an American Buddhist nun in the Tibetan tradition, closely associated with the Kagyu school and the Shambhala lineage.
She attended Miss Porter's School in Connecticut and graduated from the University of California at Berkeley. She taught as an elementary school teacher for many years in both New Mexico and California. Pema has two children and three grandchildren.
While in her mid-thirties, she traveled to the French Alps and encountered Lama Chime Rinpoche, with whom she studied for several years. She became a novice nun in 1974 while studying with Lama Chime in London. His Holiness the Sixteenth Karmapa came to England at that time, and Ani Pema received her ordination from him.
Ani Pema first met her root guru, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, in 1972. Lama Chime encouraged her to work with Trungpa, and it was with him that she ultimately made her most profound connection, studying with him from 1974 until his death in 1987. At the request of the Sixteenth Karmapa, she received the full bikshuni ordination in the Chinese lineage of Buddhism in 1981 in Hong Kong.
Ani Pema served as the director of the Karma Dzong, in Boulder, CO, until moving in 1984 to rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia to be the director of Gampo Abbey. Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche gave her explicit instructions on establishing this monastery for western monks and nuns.
Ani Pema currently teaches in the United States and Canada and plans for an increased amount of time in solitary retreat under the guidance of Venerable Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche.
She attended Miss Porter's School in Connecticut and graduated from the University of California at Berkeley. She taught as an elementary school teacher for many years in both New Mexico and California. Pema has two children and three grandchildren.
While in her mid-thirties, she traveled to the French Alps and encountered Lama Chime Rinpoche, with whom she studied for several years. She became a novice nun in 1974 while studying with Lama Chime in London. His Holiness the Sixteenth Karmapa came to England at that time, and Ani Pema received her ordination from him.
Ani Pema first met her root guru, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, in 1972. Lama Chime encouraged her to work with Trungpa, and it was with him that she ultimately made her most profound connection, studying with him from 1974 until his death in 1987. At the request of the Sixteenth Karmapa, she received the full bikshuni ordination in the Chinese lineage of Buddhism in 1981 in Hong Kong.
Ani Pema served as the director of the Karma Dzong, in Boulder, CO, until moving in 1984 to rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia to be the director of Gampo Abbey. Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche gave her explicit instructions on establishing this monastery for western monks and nuns.
Ani Pema currently teaches in the United States and Canada and plans for an increased amount of time in solitary retreat under the guidance of Venerable Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
October 19, 2017
I'm at the point where anything of hers sits me down, smooths my hair, gives me a hot, wet towel and says, "Now what were you all bothered about?" I say, "Um. I forget." She says, "Did you forget that we are all fundamentally good and that when your chest tightens really feel it. Stop right there and suffer?"
I always do (forget and remember). And even though she says pretty much the same thing over and over, and even though the people who ask her questions are saying the same thing, it all goes right to my heart and softens out all my crumpled molecules.
I always do (forget and remember). And even though she says pretty much the same thing over and over, and even though the people who ask her questions are saying the same thing, it all goes right to my heart and softens out all my crumpled molecules.
May 8, 2017
Can I give this 6 stars? Please?
Pema Chodron is as funny as she is wise. She's not afraid to say "I don't know" to some pretty heady questions, yet still, manages to give the person some helpful advice. This is a recording of a series of talks she gave and compared to another I'm listening to, it is a chatty and relaxed time. But that's not to say she didn't give me plenty to think on. Here are a few sparkling pearls of wisdom:
"There's no security in infinity"
"Compassion really hurts"
We need to develop "discomfort resilience"
Some of the great topics she covers are:
How to develop unconditional friendship for yourself
Practicing being open to whatever person or situation you find yourself struggling with.
How to practice in the gaps, meaning those moments like waiting in line (or in my case, waiting for that app to update).
But what struck the strongest chord with me in these highly divisive times is how to recover from compassion fatigue.
So, so, so much good stuff here.
Pema Chodron is as funny as she is wise. She's not afraid to say "I don't know" to some pretty heady questions, yet still, manages to give the person some helpful advice. This is a recording of a series of talks she gave and compared to another I'm listening to, it is a chatty and relaxed time. But that's not to say she didn't give me plenty to think on. Here are a few sparkling pearls of wisdom:
"There's no security in infinity"
"Compassion really hurts"
We need to develop "discomfort resilience"
Some of the great topics she covers are:
How to develop unconditional friendship for yourself
Practicing being open to whatever person or situation you find yourself struggling with.
How to practice in the gaps, meaning those moments like waiting in line (or in my case, waiting for that app to update).
But what struck the strongest chord with me in these highly divisive times is how to recover from compassion fatigue.
So, so, so much good stuff here.
September 29, 2018
3.5 stars
January 2, 2019
A life-changing lecture series, profound and at times humorous, with audience questions.
Some thoughts I loved:
* Unconditional friendship with ourselves (vs. being “haunted by our imperfections”), “open to experience everything about yourself” (“acceptance doesn’t mean condoning” but “awareness of whatever arises... you stay with yourself, you don’t run away”)
* Making friends with the human condition
* “To the degree that I accept myself, to that degree I have empathy and acceptance for other people”
* It takes time, patience, sense of humor, kindness to “unravel patterns that are so set”
* Our minds during meditation: “they hit the bell at the beginning and then jibber, jibber, jibber” (lol). We’re surprised by our crazy monkey minds - it’s not “calm abiding.”
Favorite question:
“I couldn’t even take refuge in the dharma. It’s like what you were saying, it’s so painful to be with myself... and to feel like this is it, the last stop on the train. I’ve got nowhere to go. How do you get through that? Through that scary place. I’m faced with myself and it doesn’t look good.”
* “It takes your nervous system getting used to unpleasant.” (Rejecting our natural aversion to discomfort, anxiety). We’re always preferring certainty, predictability, comfortable (which is “what got us here in the first place”) vs. Being open to all experience
* “There you are again, old friend.” (What we say to the unpleasantness in our minds)
* The key to helping young people through self-criticism: Modeling self-friendship. (“To the degree you’re hard on yourself, you’re going to be hard on her.”) And finding moments to tell them: “There’s really nothing wrong with you... you’re actually fundamentally complete and good. And I love you unconditionally.”
One goal of meditation: “Uncovering something that’s already here.” (vs. “Attaining enlightenment”)
Getting to our true nature.
“Bak chak” - the habitual patterns that obscure our true nature, the way we’re unfriendly with ourselves. Something to know, not something to push away or be afraid of or try to get rid of (fear-based living makes your life smaller), but to treat with kindness.
* You’re no more or less important than anyone else. “Think of ego as the propensities that keep you stuck in a small world.” (Instead of opening, closing. Instead of relaxing, tightening. Instead of curiosity, set views and judgement). “Rejecting life as it’s presented to you.” It keeps us imprisoned.
* Tonglen practice. Kinship with all humanity. Hold the suffering in your heart. But know that some things are not fixable.
* “Whatever arises, it’s ok.”
Some thoughts I loved:
* Unconditional friendship with ourselves (vs. being “haunted by our imperfections”), “open to experience everything about yourself” (“acceptance doesn’t mean condoning” but “awareness of whatever arises... you stay with yourself, you don’t run away”)
* Making friends with the human condition
* “To the degree that I accept myself, to that degree I have empathy and acceptance for other people”
* It takes time, patience, sense of humor, kindness to “unravel patterns that are so set”
* Our minds during meditation: “they hit the bell at the beginning and then jibber, jibber, jibber” (lol). We’re surprised by our crazy monkey minds - it’s not “calm abiding.”
Favorite question:
“I couldn’t even take refuge in the dharma. It’s like what you were saying, it’s so painful to be with myself... and to feel like this is it, the last stop on the train. I’ve got nowhere to go. How do you get through that? Through that scary place. I’m faced with myself and it doesn’t look good.”
* “It takes your nervous system getting used to unpleasant.” (Rejecting our natural aversion to discomfort, anxiety). We’re always preferring certainty, predictability, comfortable (which is “what got us here in the first place”) vs. Being open to all experience
* “There you are again, old friend.” (What we say to the unpleasantness in our minds)
* The key to helping young people through self-criticism: Modeling self-friendship. (“To the degree you’re hard on yourself, you’re going to be hard on her.”) And finding moments to tell them: “There’s really nothing wrong with you... you’re actually fundamentally complete and good. And I love you unconditionally.”
One goal of meditation: “Uncovering something that’s already here.” (vs. “Attaining enlightenment”)
Getting to our true nature.
“Bak chak” - the habitual patterns that obscure our true nature, the way we’re unfriendly with ourselves. Something to know, not something to push away or be afraid of or try to get rid of (fear-based living makes your life smaller), but to treat with kindness.
* You’re no more or less important than anyone else. “Think of ego as the propensities that keep you stuck in a small world.” (Instead of opening, closing. Instead of relaxing, tightening. Instead of curiosity, set views and judgement). “Rejecting life as it’s presented to you.” It keeps us imprisoned.
* Tonglen practice. Kinship with all humanity. Hold the suffering in your heart. But know that some things are not fixable.
* “Whatever arises, it’s ok.”
October 10, 2017
Chödrön is one of the most accessible buddhists you will ever find No esoteric, existential, new agey stuff here. Just common sense practice, patience, acceptance of what is (and what is not), and tolerance. And yet after years of practice she still shares many of the struggles of a beginner and she reminds us that chasing perfection is a fools game. I wish I had a tenth of her wisdom.
Great book for people learning to meditate or pursuing enlightenment. Embrace your imperfection.
Great book for people learning to meditate or pursuing enlightenment. Embrace your imperfection.
January 28, 2017
Pema is my favorite teacher and this audiobook stands out for the pithy and powerful questions retreat attendees asked of Pema during the Q&A segments of the talks. Relatable teachings based on Buddhist dharma but can be easily applied to any faith or non-faith. Essentially, it's just compassionate wisdom for a world in need of precisely that.
November 22, 2025
I love how approachable and relaxed she seems! Definitely recommend in audiobook format.
November 19, 2018
Very enjoyable listening to Pema's talks & the audience asks great questions.
October 14, 2018
Kā vienmēr ar lielisku humora izjūtu. Liela vērtība šiem ierakstiem ir dalībnieku jautājumi un Pemas atbildes.
August 12, 2021
This was a thoughtful and enjoyable early morning listen over the past couple of weeks. An audio compilation of thoughts by Pema and questions to her during a weekend retreat she is, as always, gentle but no-nonsense, empathic, funny. I don't know if I have found the key to contentment but I feel like she's handed me a key ring full of possibilities.
September 30, 2024
I am sickened to learn that Pema Chodron has been complicit to the sexual abuse in the lineage. Many women reported abuse to her, Judith Simmer-Brown and Judy Leaf. They did nothing. Pema never stepped down as a teacher. She never retired. She gave up her title. Everyone gave up their titles. This isn’t a virtuous gesture.
Before you lay into me with your defense for this woman, I strongly suggest you Google Shambhala sexual abuse. The history of rape, child molestation and abuse is endless and g continues to this day. Her head monk was just charged with voyeurism at her monastery - Gampo Abbey. The money from the books we buy goes to continue supporting this sick organization. It is absolutely heartbreaking to me she has become an apologist and has never come to support the victims.
https://matthewremski.medium.com/the-...
https://www.gurumag.com/pema-chodron-...
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-s...
I have more esteem for my spiritual development than to follow a sham.
Before you lay into me with your defense for this woman, I strongly suggest you Google Shambhala sexual abuse. The history of rape, child molestation and abuse is endless and g continues to this day. Her head monk was just charged with voyeurism at her monastery - Gampo Abbey. The money from the books we buy goes to continue supporting this sick organization. It is absolutely heartbreaking to me she has become an apologist and has never come to support the victims.
https://matthewremski.medium.com/the-...
https://www.gurumag.com/pema-chodron-...
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-s...
I have more esteem for my spiritual development than to follow a sham.
February 27, 2020
This series of lectures was exactly what I needed and came at the right moment. There are so many reasons that we might find ourselves drifting away from our practice--for me it was illness and seasonal depression--but these are precisely the times when we need to revisit the teachings. These lectures almost immediately began to calm my nervous system, gave me the perspective I was so desperately needing, and brought me back to my breathwork and meditation practice. Ani Pema Chodron’s voice in and of itself is soothing, but so too is the simple, clear wisdom that she shares. I also appreciate her humility and willingness to say “I don’t know.” Much of the focus of these lectures is on practicing in the gaps, touching in (i.e. leaning into unpleasant sensations even for just a couple of seconds to build "discomfort resilience"), openness, and warmth.
December 28, 2019
Pema has a beautiful sense of humor.
June 27, 2025
Very unique audiobook; it was recorded at one of her conferences. The book is subdivided into 4 sections, each section is 1 day of her lectures. It also includes the live Q&A from the attendees present at the time this was recorded. If the title of the book resonates with you in any sort of way I recommend you check it out. It’s easily digestible and feels like listening to a podcast.
I agree with the other reviewer who said Chödrön makes Buddhist concepts very accessible to the masses. I found myself taking notes like crazy during sections 1 & 2 in particular. Sections 3 & 4 were a bit less captivating, but still valuable.
Pema Chödrön has an incredible sense of humor. Didn’t think I’d be laughing so much listening to a self-help book. I’m already looking forward to revisiting this book.
I agree with the other reviewer who said Chödrön makes Buddhist concepts very accessible to the masses. I found myself taking notes like crazy during sections 1 & 2 in particular. Sections 3 & 4 were a bit less captivating, but still valuable.
Pema Chödrön has an incredible sense of humor. Didn’t think I’d be laughing so much listening to a self-help book. I’m already looking forward to revisiting this book.
January 11, 2026
Making Friends with Your Mind: The Key to Contentment, recorded from live retreat sessions at the Omega Institute, features Pema Chodron’s gentle, humorous, and down-to-earth teachings on meditation and mindfulness. She guides participants to cease battling their thoughts, embrace the mind’s inherent drama—confusion, joy, fixation, and change—and cultivate “unconditional friendliness” towards themselves and their experiences.
Pema responds to participant questions by drawing from her personal experiences and practices from her teachers. I resonated with her as she helps listeners accept situations beyond their control and find peace in the present moment. She shared a relatable scenario of hearing a dog barking in the neighborhood and wishing the owners would let the dog inside, despite lacking the power to make that happen. Throughout a four-and-a-half-hour listen, Pema covers numerous significant topics, including managing chronic pain, expressing gratitude for what we have, navigating mental health, practicing loving kindness, and developing resilience to discomfort.
I purchased the audiobook of Making Friends with Your Mind: The Key to Contentment using my Audible membership. I thoroughly enjoy listening to Pema. Her patience and kindness shine through as she imparts her wisdom.
I have photos and additional information that I'm unable to include here. It can all be found on my blog, in the link below.
A Book And A Dog
Pema responds to participant questions by drawing from her personal experiences and practices from her teachers. I resonated with her as she helps listeners accept situations beyond their control and find peace in the present moment. She shared a relatable scenario of hearing a dog barking in the neighborhood and wishing the owners would let the dog inside, despite lacking the power to make that happen. Throughout a four-and-a-half-hour listen, Pema covers numerous significant topics, including managing chronic pain, expressing gratitude for what we have, navigating mental health, practicing loving kindness, and developing resilience to discomfort.
I purchased the audiobook of Making Friends with Your Mind: The Key to Contentment using my Audible membership. I thoroughly enjoy listening to Pema. Her patience and kindness shine through as she imparts her wisdom.
I have photos and additional information that I'm unable to include here. It can all be found on my blog, in the link below.
A Book And A Dog
October 26, 2017
It's literally bringing clarity to my very mucked up life! Very difficult choices right now, and I know I have to come up with my own decisions. But your humorous honesty and wisdo, based on an authentic life makes me feel as if you are sitting next to me (well, a little higher up on your pillows (lol), and whispering in my ear. Thank you Ani Pema!
September 18, 2018
This is an audiobook recording of a live event with Pema Chödrön. The discussion centers around meditation and making peace with our thoughts, emotions and constant activity of the mind. She’s quite funny and she speaks on the topic in very relatable terms. Great audiobook option for the daily commute.
April 27, 2021
I love everything I have read or listened to by Pema Chodren. I especially enjoy listening when Pema presents in her own voice. It is delightful to hear and sense the humor coming through along with the delivery of good wisdom. It is inspiring to experience Pema respond to questions open-hearted, present and with compassion.
I listened to this one twice!
I listened to this one twice!
January 20, 2023
I have read several Pema Chodron books, but this was the audio book and it was an entirely different experience. I very much enjoyed listening to her, especially her interactions with the audience. I think Buddhist philosophy although complex, can teach us so many important lessons about attachment, pain and suffering and how to cope with being human. Very thought provoking.
December 7, 2025
What an incredible book! Pema Chodron has such a calm and peaceful way of speaking that I could listen to her for hours.
What impresses me the most is that she does not admit to having all of the answers and helps you to find them within ourselves.
I would love to be able to attend one of her live sessions if the opportunity ever allowed it.
What impresses me the most is that she does not admit to having all of the answers and helps you to find them within ourselves.
I would love to be able to attend one of her live sessions if the opportunity ever allowed it.
June 15, 2021
Wonderful to hear Pema as she reflects on Buddhist teachings, shares personal experiences and insights, and responds ever so thoughtfully to questions posed by people at a weekend retreat. Pema’s user-friendly interpretation of Buddhist teachings is relevant and helpful every single day.
December 1, 2021
This, again was a weekend retreat with FAQ that was recorded, rather than a book. This time the content didn’t really mesh with my questions about meditation, but it was still interesting to hear her answers and advice.
January 22, 2025
3.5 - huge fan of Pema chodron - love these audio retreats in general although this is not one of my favourites. Just didn’t resonate with me as much as some of her other works. Still found it comforting.
October 13, 2017
Pema Chodron... enough said.
December 9, 2017
Listened as an audible book - my first. She is accessible, delightful and helpful
April 5, 2018
Really epic book supported me through anxiety and relating to my fear.
September 21, 2018
“Open warm awareness to whatever arises.“ This is essentially the message of this book and Pema Chodron delivers it so beautifully-with wisdom and with humor.
October 7, 2018
3 1/2 stars Solid handling of guest questions.
November 7, 2018
This was a great audio book comprised of different lectures with audience questions. Listened to it each morning on my way in. Pena always has a great way at approaching life with warmth
June 6, 2020
It was like attending a weekend retreat. Fun and thought provoking.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews