Desperately Seeking Epic

by B.N. Toler

Paul James loved Clara Bateman.
Hating her would have been easier.
She was the past, and he was hell-bent on keeping her there.
Or so he thought...

Craigslist Ad: DESPERATELY SEEKING EPIC

You’re my father.
I don’t know much about you. I know your name is Paul James, you’re a thrill seeker, and once upon a time you did stunts and people called you ‘Epic.’
I’ve been told you don’t know about me. That it’s complicated.
But for me it’s simple.
Here’s the thing: I’m twelve years old…and I’m dying.
And as much as this could crush my mother, I have to meet you before I go.
In time, I’m sure she’ll understand. She’s still in love with you.
So, Epic, if you read this, please come back. You don’t have to be my dad. You don’t even have to tell me you love me or you’re sorry. Just come see me.

Patiently waiting, but running out of time,

Neena

Genres: Romance, Second Chance, Contemporary, Contemporary Romance, Emotional, Second Chance Romance, Death

301 pages, ebook

First published March 23, 2016

About the author

Words.
Books.
Reading.
Writing.

These are a few of my favorite things.

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Author B N Toler most places.

Email is bntoler@bntoler.com

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Reviews

[Aestas Book Blog]

::: FULL REVIEW NOW POSTED ::: 4.5 stars :::

“You are my most epic adventure, princess.”

OH MY GOSH!!! What an absolutely beautiful book!!

With the perfect balance between heart-breaking emotion and heart-warming love, this book completely stole my heart. It's not every day a book comes along that can make you laugh, swoon, and cry all at once, but after finishing this book, my heart was just overflowing with emotion. I loved the romance, I loved the family bonding, and I can confidently say that this is a top favorite recommendation of the year!!

Sometimes you come across a book and, from the moment you hear about it, you just know that you have to read it. This was one of those books. I read the blurb and tears came to my eyes. My heart was already involved and I dropped everything I was doing to read it. You see, I didn't just want to read this book, I needed to. Here's the blurb so you can understand what I mean...

Paul James loved Clara Bateman.
Hating her would have been easier.
She was the past, and he was hell-bent on keeping her there.
Or so he thought...

Craigslist Ad: DESPERATELY SEEKING EPIC
You’re my father. I don’t know much about you. I know your name is Paul James, you’re a thrill seeker, and once upon a time you did stunts and people called you ‘Epic.’ I’ve been told you don’t know about me. That it’s complicated. But for me it’s simple. Here’s the thing: I’m twelve years old…and I’m dying. And as much as this could crush my mother, I have to meet you before I go. In time, I’m sure she’ll understand. She’s still in love with you. So, Epic, if you read this, please come back. You don’t have to be my dad. You don’t even have to tell me you love me or you’re sorry. Just come see me.

Patiently waiting, but running out of time,
Neena

WOAH, right?
Like really.... WOAH.

I was drawn into the story from the very first page, instantly connecting with the characters and feeling absorbed in their lives. This is the kind of book I spend all my time searching for. BN Toler's writing is smooth and addictive, allowing you to completely lose yourself in the story without a second thought.

The story begins in the present day when, as shown in the blurb, little Neena puts out a desperate message begging her estranged father to return home so she can meet him before she dies. Despite wanting to make Neena happy, her mother Clara had natural concerns about the idea of him returning. Thirteen years ago, Paul had abandoned her without a single word of goodbye. For reasons she'd never learned, the man she'd fallen for at a particularly vulnerable point in her life had left her without an explanation. So, when he arrived back in town, and immediately embraced his role as father to a dying daughter that he'd only just met with an open heart, Clara didn't know what to think or if she could trust him again. And with the very likely possibility of losing her daughter forever looming in the very near future, she couldn't bear the thought of losing him again too.

But Paul stepped up with such admirable conviction and dedication, that it made my heart break even as I swooned, and naturally led me to wonder exactly what had really happened thirteen years ago to make such an amazing man disappear.

He fists my hair gently, forcing me to look up at him. "Look at me. I fucked up," he rasps. "I know it. I've always known it. But I did love you, and I've never stopped. Hate me for leaving. Hate me for being a dick. But don't hate me because I didn't love you."

Since Neena had never knowm her father growing up, and she knew she wouldn't have the luxury of a future with him, she begged her parents to tell her the story of how they met, how they fell in love, and how she came to be. So, throughout the course of this book, we're shown their back story in their own words (not in flashbacks, but actually their story as they tell it) even as we see them move forward together as a newly formed family. And as you read, the full picture of what really happened begins to form.

Believe it or not, even though there is the deeply tragic reality that Neena is dying, much of this book is quite light-hearted and happy, focusing on enjoying the time they have together and living every moment of life to the fullest extent. But with the ever present reality of her illness, there's the heart-breaking knowledge that they essentially have to fit a lifetime of memories into a few months.

As I watch her, my heart tightens, and I feel Clara’s hand rest on my leg and squeeze as she watches Neena thoughtfully. I place mine on hers as our eyes meet. It’s one of those moments, and I know I’ll never forget. I wish I could freeze it, or somehow box it; trap it so we never lose it.

I absolutely adored all the dynamic between these characters. Seeing the way Paul fell so completely in love with his daughter made me swoon, seeing how fiercely Clara loved her made my heart squeeze, feeling them fall back in love was gorgeous, and seeing them all together as a family for the first time was a potent mixture of all the feels you could possibly imagine. Oh, and the moment when the significance of the book cover is revealed immediately brought tears to my eyes. It was so achingly beautiful!

While this book is definitely filled with so many emotions, I want to reassure you that I didn't sob my way through it. I actually laughed and swooned quite a lot seeing them bond together as family and watching Clara and Paul fall in love again. But, I'm not going to lie, I cried at the ending. There's really no surprise as to what happens, but that didn't make it any easier to read. There are some unfair realities of life that are simply unchangeable. But it's what you do with the time that you have that counts. And the beautiful epilogue warmed my heart, such that, by the end of the book, I was smiling again through my tears.

For those of you who need spoilers, here you go: As mentioned in the blurb, Neena is genuinely terminal so at the end of the book she does die of cancer. However, her "Desperately Seeking Epic" quest also brought Paul and Clara back together again after thirteen years apart giving them a romantic HEA, and months of memories built together as a family with their daughter. Despite the heart-breaking circumstances, I guarantee that Neena will melt your heart as you see this sweet, brave, loving child bringing her parents back together and by doing so, giving her the comfort of knowing that they'll look after each other after she's gone. Her death is heart-breakng but inevitable given her illness, but ultimately she leaves knowing that she is loved dearly by both her parents, that she'd brought them back together forever, and that one day she'll see them again.

If you're looking for a uniquely beautiful story that will tug all your heart-strings, then you have to try this! I was desperately seeking an epic book, and when I found this one, it fully delivered everything I'd hoped for and more. I absolutely loved it and highly recommend it to everyone as a top favorite!

Rating: 4.5 stars. Standalone novel.
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[Ｄｒｅｙ · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 "Until We Meet Again" Stars!

... Epic's most epic adventure.

This was definitely epic. This is a story that proves that love is limitless. A story that tells that if you truly love a person, second chances might be doubtful, but forgiveness is always possible. A story that says that if you truly love a person, you never give up with that person so easily. And that if you truly love a person, there's nothing in this vast expanse of universe that you wouldn't do to make that person happy. B.N. Toler wrote a heartbreaking yet hopeful story about second chances at love and life. She made a great job creating such characters that touches deeply and was so real. This was definitely epic. A story that brings out a myriad of emotions is epic. An author who can write such story that can change many people lives is epic.

Note: This is a second chance romance.

“Life’s too short to be subtle.”

This book tells the story of Paul, Clara, and their daughter, Neena. A 12 year old girl who was diagnosed with leu​ke​mia. A girl who was desperately seeking for Epic. A girl who posted this:

DESPERATELY SEEKING EPIC

You’re my father.
I don’t know much about you. I know your name is Paul James, you’re a thrill seeker, and once upon a time you did stunts and people called you ‘Epic.’
I’ve been told you don’t know about me. That it’s complicated.
But for me it’s simple.
Here’s the thing: I’m twelve years old . . . and I’m dying.
And as much as this could crush my mother, I have to meet you before I go.
In time, I’m sure she’ll understand.
She’s still in love with you.
So, Epic, if you read this, please come back. You don’t have to be my dad. You don’t even have to tell me you love me or you’re sorry.
Just come see me.
Patiently waiting, but running out of time,

Neena

That. Broke. My. Heart. After reading that in the blurb, I couldn't not add this book in my reading list.

"I’ve been around the world and seen some of the most beautiful places, but nothing compares to seeing her laugh."

Paul, Clara, Neena, and Marcus were definitely memorable characters. I admired Clara for her loyal heart, for her simply being a loving mother for her dying daughter, and for not giving up easily. I admired Paul for his authenticity, for his sincerity, and for the depth of his character. He has reasoning that some might not be able to understand or accept, but I appreciated him. I was deeply connected with his character. I admired Neena for her strength. For being the instrument that made her parents realized what they both missed out on when they learned to forgive and accept each other again. She showed them their mistakes. The aftermath of it all. And she proved to them that there is nothing "too late" in this world. I admired Marcus for being the best of the best friend they could ever ask. He was small, literally, but his contribution with the story, was measureless.

B.N. Toler brought these characters to life with heart and soul. I felt the conviction in her words when she said, "We can never know true compassion without tragedy." She clearly delivers a message that we should not be deter by sad books. Because in the end, there is always a promise, a hope, that everything will be alright.

“I don’t know what you see when you look in the mirror, Clara. But I see a woman that has danced in and out of my mind for the past thirteen years. A woman that no matter how hard I tried, I could never replace. I have never wanted another woman the way I want you, then and now. And here you are, beautiful and nervous. No more holding back. I need you. I. Want. You."

The chemistry between Paul and Clara was heart pounding. There was a good amount of sexual tension between them. I felt the love, lust, and attraction they had towards one another. They did not only grow emotionally, but they were also well-developed physically.

Overall, I absolutely loved the book. This is a story that you need to prepare a plenty of tissues before you dive in. If you like gut-wrenching, emotional, funny at times, character-driven, second chance stories, this book was written just for you.

I extremely recommend this to those who likes: B.N. Toler, second chance, enemies to lovers, secret child, emotional read, and a happily ever after.

“You are my most epic adventure, princess.”

Trigger Warning: Vivid depiction of a death of a loved one.

[Jennifer Kyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 STARS

"Paul James loved Clara Bateman. Hated her would have been easier. She was his past, and he was hell bent on keeping her there. Or so he thought.”

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This was a well written “illness” book. The child of the hero and heroine is in fact dying and reaches out to her birth father. You should take that pretty seriously going in and the effect that will have on your emotions. After a posting with Craig’s List to find her father goes viral, Neena’s mother Clare pulls one last idea out of her hat to get Paul James to return back to the Virginia. She’s holding out hope that even though he broke her heart when he left thirteen years ago, he will be a match and be a father to very their daughter, Neena (that he doesn’t know exists).

”Her diagnosis is dismal but I’ve promised myself two things. One: never give up. I will fight to save her until the bitter end. Two: try to make every single day as happy as I possibly can for her, just in case…in case we lose.”



The characters were all so very well developed and the story line pulled me in and had me holding out hope for a miracle for Neena. Claire and Paul give their story to a teenage writer, Ashley. The past unravels to the circumstances that brought Clare to Virginia and being half owner of a skydiving business called Sky High. As Clare and Paul come together to give Neena everything she could want during this time, they slowly fall back into one another’s arms and this time Paul promises he won’t let her down.

”Look at me. I fucked up,” he rasps. “I know it. I’ve always known it. But I did love you, and I’ve never stopped. Hate me for leaving. Hate me for being a dick. But don’t hate me because I didn’t’ love you.”



”We’re coming together again. But why? Is it that there’s something really there? Is there real chemistry? "

Paul does a great job jumping into his father role with twelve year old Neena. I adored him for trying so hard and felt just as sad that he had missed twelve years due to his misconceptions and his adventuresome soul.

The author brings humor, love, LOSS and does deliver a good story. Each of her characters all packed a punch and were unique and memorable. A shout out must be sent to Marcus what a fantastic secondary character he was! The story line is original and I just wish things went a different is all. Overall, if you’re ready to laugh, swoon and cry this one's for you.

”You are my most epic adventure, princess.”

**ARC provided in exchange for an honest review**

[✦❋Arianna✦❋ · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 Stars!!



This was such a heartbreakingly beautiful story! B.N. Toler delivered a story about life, love, death, friendship and strength that really touched my heart. This story will move you to tears, it will make you smile, it will simply make you feel. It was equally heartbreaking and heartwarming from the beginning and it gripped me from the first chapter. Neena, Clara and Paul’s story is fantastically written and I guarantee will steal your heart from the very beginning.

“You don’t even have to tell me you love me or you’re sorry. Just come see me. Patiently waiting, but running out of time, Neena.”

'Desperately Seeking Epic' tells the story of Neena, a twelve years old girl who’s dying. Neena has leukemia and she desperately wants to meet her father. She puts an add on Craiglist hoping she gets the chance to meet him before she dies.

“How do I say good-bye to her? How does a mother sum up in words the depth of her love for her child?”

Clara, Neena’s mother is desperate. She wants, needs for her little girl to live. She will fight along her, she would do anything for Neena to be healthy, even contact the man who more than a decade ago broke her heart, Paul, Neena’s father. She needs for him to be tested because there’s a chance for him to be a bone marrow match and all she wants is to save her child. Clara knows Neena wants to meet her father, she knows deep down she would want him close, so she eventually contacts him.

“I don’t do babies and white picket fences.”

Paul left his business, his friends and also Clara thirteen years ago without looking back. Back then she loved Clara, but he believed adventure and freedom are more important than settling down with her. He was a self-absorbed man, a player, a coward and still is until Clara contacts him and finds out about Neena and her illness. Paul slowly becomes another man from the moment he meets Neena. She steals his heart with her beauty, purity and strength and in a very short amount of time falls in love with her as much as much as he falls for Clara.

“I’d gladly take her place, take on her cancer, and keep it for myself if I could. I’ve lived. Now should be her turn.”

Neena wants only one thing before she dies – to find out how her parents met, so she convinces them to give their story to a teenage writer, Ashley. Both Clara and Paul are determined to spend as much time as they can with their daughter, trying to make every single day as happy as possible for her. They get to know each other again, to lean on one another, to realize they still have each other and they still love each other after all this time.

“They are everything. And that’s what I tell them when I whisper,
‘Everything that matters is right here in my arms.’ ”

These characters’ story broke my heart. I loved how the story was told both in the past and present from the two main characters’ perspective. Mrs. Toler’s storytelling was fantastic as always and the story line intriguing to say the least even if I knew how everything will unfold almost from the beginning.

Like I mentioned above this story will make you feel. Reading these characters’ story was hard at times. I felt for every single one of them. They made me smile, they made me cry and they also angered me or frustrated me at some point into the story. Every single one of them was well developed and was realistically portrayed. I loved Neena. My heart broke for this little girl. Broke! I wanted so much for her to be okay, to find some miraculous cure and be a happy healthy kid. At times reading her interactions with both Clara and Paul were really moving, bringing tears to my eyes. I admired this girl so damn much. Her strength was admirable and I have to say I loved her relationship with Clara and also with Paul as the story progressed.

Clara was a great heroine and I loved her from the beginning. The way she loved her daughter was really heartwarming. She was feisty, she was a fighter and she was strong as much as someone can be in her situation. I felt her love for Neena and how desperately wanted to save her and also her love for the man who always be ‘the man’ for her. Paul won me over when he came in his daughter’s life. The chapters from the past presents a man who is…well, a douchebag and maybe you will dislike him a little, but as the story unfolds we get to see how much something or in this case someone can change who you are. I loved the way he was with both Clara and Neena. He was everything these two needed and I loved him for that. The author really made me feel his love for both of them.

Overall, this was another great, emotional read by Mrs. Toler and I’m looking forward to read more of her work!

[Snow · Rating 5 out of 5]

5+ EPIC stars



This rarely happens to me, not being able to write my feelings down…it usually works just fine, almost like a compulsive disorder, it's like my hands are typing on their own secret language with a secret connection to my brain…but right now...
In the process of writing this I am a mess.

BN Toler's books happen to have that kind of effect on me. Every time.
And this book is no diferent.

Desperately seeking Epic…a story one can't just sum up in a few sentences cause one might miss smth important out and not give this book justice.

A story that starts out with a pleading add of a search, displaying a plead of a dying 12 year old girl who seeks a man called Epic, who happens to be her father whom she never met. She's desperately seeking for him before it's too late, for her…and for him. Paul James also known as EPIC for his stunt work had no knowledge of any of this, his return home after 13 years of absence will turn out to be the unexpected chapter in the greatest story ever, called LIFE.



And this is how I became involved with a remarkable young person, Neena, a girl with a strength of a Goliath, who will make her dying wish come true…that would too, end up being her EPIC adventure by bringing two people who love each other back together again. Uniting them through pain, tears, laughter, passion and desire for life and love. As her add becomes a global phenomenon, a few highschool students make their mission to pass on the story for Neena, to honor her with a last „insight“ into her own life, how she became to be…



Clara Bateman and Paul James became business partners of a SKY HIGH -skydiving business by fate, I would say.
Clara was a young woman who needed a change in her life – after the misfortune of losing her parents in a drunk driving accident, she grew up into a fierce woman in so much need of love, she was in a marriage that didn't work out and she felt betrayed and unloved and alone again. So the sudden inheritance of a 50 shares of a skydiving business, she knew nothing about, meant a life savor, a perfect opportunity to start over!

Paul was an adventureur, an ex stuntman for the movies who accepted his uncle's other half of the business after his injuries prevented him to continue with the hazardous work. He's a resteless soul in need of an adrenaline, excitments, he's a soul without roots…he's the untamed spirit always in pursuit of freedom...

Settling down meant losing my freedom, and my freedom was too precious to me. I needed to be able to pack up on a whim and hop a plane to Brazil, or anywhere, if I felt the need.

He was self-absorbed, self-assured, a player, and an asshole by default...

"I dont do babies and white picket fences."
Paul James is one of the most selfish men I have ever known

They both started off on bad terms, fighting, yelling, not giving in, and the staff working with them gave Clara hell, never quite making her welcomed, especially Marcus, Paul's best friend and confidant...
BUT still, they were the opposites attract...

With Paul, it was day to day. Some days we got along just fine, others he thought I was a raging bitch and I thought he was an entilted asshole.
We were so weitrd together then. We started off enemies. Then we called a truce and proclaimed peace in the name of our business partnership. Were we besoming friends now?

After hard start, they slowly got passed their issues and developed an understanding that turned into a slow friendship that eventually blew up in passionate flames that had to be extinguished.

That night, we clawed at each other, fingers digging into flesh, desperate, hungry for mor. I wanted to soak her in, absorb her, take every drop of her. For every bit I gave , she met it with just as much gusto. It was beautiful.

That passionate relationship where „those three little words“ were never spoken but were lingering around them abruptly ended over a misunderstanding, over a note that held Clara's thoughts of one random desperate longing and whishful longing that were never meant to be seen by anyone...BUT those words set Paul's restless spirit into a run...a 13 years long run

Forever.
Baby.
They were two potent words that I wasn't sure, no matter how much I loved Clara, I could give her. I needed freedom and adventure. And I couldn't promise her something I couldn't give. I wasn't built that way. I just wasn't. Maybe with her, the idea was easier to swallow, but I wasn't ready for even the idea of it.

Without goodbye, without a note, wothout a word.
Surely a dick move.

Clara's world turned upside down and one moment that left her shaterred again and alone brought her another huge change and the greatest gift of all...Neena.



The parts of Clara and Paul's past are interwoven with the current lives of Neena,Clara and Marcus...and after Paul's finding out that he has a daughter...and that his daughter is dying...those lives become even more intangled since there's so much to lose and so little time to feel, experience, to hold onto...

Paul is actually a different man after this acknowledgment and he sets his goal, he turns his whole world towards that little girl whose destiny was unfairly written...
She becomes his center of the universe, while along his dormant feelings for Clara burst out with each encounter, with each worry, with each struggle they try to fight off in fighting the unevitable odds in the game they can't win.

I have promised myself two things. One: never give up. I will fight to save her untill the bitter end. Two: try to make every single day as happy as I possibly can for her, just in case…in case we lose.

Clara is strong from the outside but her heart is breaking inside, her feelings for Paul are awaken again, and she dislikes the potent power he has over her even after so long...they were never gone.

„Look at me. I fucked up,“ he rasps. „I know it. I've always known it. But I did love you, and I've never stopped. Hate me for leaving. Hate me for being a dick. But don't hate me because I didn't love you.“

So, in the darkest hours when Paul says:

I'm here, Clara, I'm here for you.

Even after all these years he's missed out on everything...I believed him.
The second chance they both got was because of that little girl's dying wish, because of her desperate search that was far from a desperate attempt in the first place.

This kid could give a lesson in strength. I could see what Neena meant when she said she was afraid to die. I don't think she meant she fears the actual act – at least not entirely – but she fears its aftermath. She's afraid of what dying will do to the people she loves. She's afraid of what will happen to her mother when she's gone. She's the strongest kid I have ever met – strongest person for that matter.

Every moment could be the last one. Every breath is precious. Every single word counts as forever. Every thread of a dream is a possibility of an immortality in the lives that go on...

„How long do we have?“
„A few months, maybe half a year, if we're lucky.“
„Will you let me stay? Will you let me have this time with her, too?“

I can't really shorten this experience, I can only try to present the depth of the events that went on in this story. Even when they finished one journey too early it went on on a deeper, higher level...

I loved Clara. She was a truly remarkable heroine. A true heroine. A mother. A fighter. Even when the obvious was not the real thing presentable her strength was undeniable and unmistakable.

„I know Paul was the adventurer…the fearless risk-taker. I know they joked how you never jumped, but if you think about it…you did.“
„You left your home and moved to a different state, taking on a job you knew nothing about. You bought a house on your own; fixed it mostly on your own. You had a baby as a single woman. It may not be jumping out of planes, but it sounds like one hell of an adventure to me.“
„You're pretty badass, Clara“

Paul redeemed himself in my eyes towards the end. He was a complete person even if he had to acknowledge the fear, the unjust, the unfairness, the helplessness, the despair...he found himself through the role he never imagined was possible for him.

I never imgined I could find such peace in this type of life. I never imagined feeling like a family would satisfy me. But it does. It's everything. They are everything. And that's what I tell them when I whisper, „Everything that matters is right here in my arms.“

Neena – the most difficult part of the story to read about and yet the most beautiful one. The way this girl was portrayed made my heart burst in so much emotions, I can't even begin to describe. She was the guiding light, she was the strenght, she was the force within and the most precious gift.

CLARA:

„You were a gift, something I thought I'd never have. You are by far my greatest accomplishment, Neena. I'm honored to be your mother. It's been my greatest privilege. Thank you for being more than I could have ever hoped for. Thank you for the joy and laughter you have brought into my life. Thank you for the kisses, the tickles, and hugs. I'm so proud of you, of who you are. I love you so much, baby.“

PAUL:

It's one of those moments, and I know I'll never forget. I wish I could freeze it, or somehow box it; trap it so we never lose it. Here we are, with our friends and our daughter. Our daughter is sick, weakening before our very eyes, and she's laughing. How many more might we get? I'd give anything to see that smile forever. I've missed a lifetime of these moments…her lifetime of moments.
I stood and looked down at my daughter. She was mine. She was the best of me.
„You are my most epic adventure, princess.“

"Remember...no good-byes...
There's only see you later. And untill we meet again."

This moment. With my daughter who is smiling.

„Life is too short to be subtle.“

LIVE bold. LIVE fully. LIVE in each and every single MOMENT.


HIGHLY EXPECTED READ by one of my FAVORITE authors!!! And I got MORE than I hoped for.

BR with my guuurl DENISE

[JewelsyGoolsy · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 -desperately seeking tissues- Stars

Really, I usually stay away from the "secret baby" tropes as a personal preference, but since I'm a big fan of this author; I just HAD to give this one a go. AND I LOVED IT!! Not because it was epically romantic. But because of the emotional, snot-nosed, red-eyed mess that it made me throughout the whole book!


All the grovelling and chase that I normally seek in 2nd chance romances, played a near non-existent role because the deeper, heart-wrenching guts of this story, really was the main star. In short, the swoony romance that I was hoping for was still there, but took more of a backseat. And for the first time in AGES... I didn't mind it one bit. *shock horror for small-minded Jewelsy*

This story really made me focus on the importance of the now. How life is really too short to waste on bitterness or anger. And although I couldn't give this book the 5 star rating it deserves (due to my own personal tastes in 2nd chance heroes who should have had a better reason for the 12 year disappearance, or at least grovelled much more); I simply couldn't fault the way it drew the emotions out of me, or the important message of forgiveness and healing (which was how I came to forgive all the MC's for their past mistakes - kudos for that Ms Author, kudos). Thus, I had to rate this above a 4, yet below 4.5. Hence: we have 4.25 Stars (GR really needs to work on creating decimal options, dammit).

Told in dual POV that alternates between past & present and standalone story. I recommend it to anyone that is looking for a more emotional journey instead of OTT, cheesy drama. Yes, there is descriptive nookie (for those who need to know) and yes, there is a HEA/epilogue. Please have tissues on hand before going in.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Holy cow! What a beautiful book. When I read the blurb for this book and I started to tear up I knew that I had to read this book. I had never heard of this author before, but that didn't matter. I love the books that make you feel, even the sad ones. So I thought okay, bring on the tears!

“You only ever get a taste, and it’s never enough.”

Clara has been trying to contact Paul desperately to get him to come back home for one reason, their daughter, Neena, has leukemia and all of the treatments they've tried are not working. It's possible he could be a bone marrow match which could save her life. This is extremely difficult for Clara because when Paul left thirteen years ago without even saying goodbye, it broke her heart.

“I don’t do babies and white picket fences.”

At the same time and unbeknownst to her mother, Neena puts an ad on Craigslist searching for her father, hoping she gets the chance to meet him before she dies. When he shows up it's not because he saw the add, so finding out he has a twelve year old daughter threw him. He immediately steps up though and wants to get to know her.

“He was handsome and charming and his smile captivated everyone, and all of those things coupled together were lethal.”

After spending some time with her dad, Neena wants to know the story of her mom and dad, how they met and how she came to be. She convinces them to tell the story. I loved that this story was told from both Clara and Paul's POVs. We get to experience their story through each of them, in their own words.

"But hearts don’t work like light switches; they don’t just flick on and off. They swell rapidly with love and bleed out slowly with pain."

With only a few months left to live, Paul and Clara are determined to spend as much time as they can with their daughter and to make sure that she is happy. Through this heartbreaking experience, Paul and Clara learn to lean on one another. The never stopped loving one another and seeing them get a second chance was beautiful considering the situation that brought them back together.

“Look at me. I fucked up,” he rasps. “I know it. I’ve always known it. But I did love you, and I’ve never stopped. Hate me for leaving. Hate me for being a dick. But don’t hate me because I didn’t love you.”

After reading the blurb I was really expecting to cry throughout this entire book. Surprisingly though, I didn't. Reading the story of Paul and Clara, both past and present, was riveting and had me laughing at some parts. Yes, I did cry though, so do have the tissues near by. It's a beautiful story of a dying girl not only getting her wish to meet her father, but also getting her parents back together. She gets to spend time with her parents as a whole family and that was epic.

[Jenny••Steamy Reads Blog•• · Rating 4 out of 5]

First and foremost, I absolutely loved the writing in this book. The way it was written, oh my god, the writing is so fricken captivating. The format and how it flowed was so smooth. Now, these last two books I have read have gutted me. This author, kudos to you. My heart was shattered, broken, healed, and as a mother myself, I just couldn't handle this story, yet dear author, you make me look at life differently. Yes I knew going into this book what it entailed, but lord, you can never be prepared. I hugged my kids harder today!!



Neena, sweet sweet Neena. Words don't describe such a strong, loving individual she was. All she wants is to see her mother happy, her dying wish is for her to always BE happy. She wants her happy with her father that's been absent her whole life until months before she passes on. But Paul, you were the strength in this book. You were strong when no one else could be. He showed up and found out he had a daughter and was losing a daughter all in the same day. Tragic, this story was absolutely tragic. I hate cancer, I hate it. I loved Clara, I loved her hard. Her whole story destroyed me. To endure what she has in her lifetime, amazing she is smiling at the end. Strongest woman ever!!!!!!!! She was everything for her daughter, their bond unbreakable.

I loved watching Paul and Clara's relationship grow again during this. Reliving their story yet living their current story could not have been easy at all. Their strength, their passion, and their love grew mountains to me. This was definitely an epic adventure for me.


I would definitely change the epilogue in this book. Of course it would have ended differently for me. I of course got my HEA but not the way I wanted. But thank you again Ms. Toler for taking me on such an adventure these last few days. I have fell in love with your writing❤❤

[Lea ★ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh for christ's sake, I'm a complete wreck right now.
SPOILER ALERT: Guys, get your tissues ready. This book is a major epitome of ugly crying!
It is beautifully written, as all B.N. Toler books are, heartbreaking and sad, but also heartwarming.
I was so not ready for this. I need some time to recover after reading this.
I already know I will probably think about it for days to come.
This book just got me thinking how this life is short and we really take things for granted.
After reading it, just go and hug your mum, dad, brother, sister, children, partner, anyone you love...
I know I need a hug right now.

[Pick a Book · Rating 5 out of 5]

"A vida é muito curta para ser sutil."

5 " nada sutis" estrelas

Cabeça doendo. Olhos doendo. Coração doendo. Depois dessa, se você ainda não leu fica de olho no kit pra começar a ler esse livro:
- Ninguém por perto.
- Lencinhos.
- Mais lencinhos.
- Papel higiênico pra assoar o nariz.
- Um quarto a prova de som pra ninguém te escutar soluçando.
- E quando acabar, muita maquiagem pra conseguir sair na rua sem estar com o nariz vermelho.

Acho que a missão da autora com esse livro foi acabar com todas as lágrimas do mundo. Porque quando a torneira do seu olho abre ela não para mais.

Essa autora é foda. Ela sabe arrancar as lágrimas da gente. E mesmo sabendo disso a gente cai igual patinho. E mesmo sendo fraca pra esse tipo de história eu não resisto a um livro emocionante. Sofri muito, mas não me arrependo nem um pouco.

Pela sinopse sabemos que tem alguém morrendo. Mas não é qualquer pessoa. É uma criança. Neena. De 12 anos. Linda, fofa, com personalidade forte, animada, esperta... Até o dia que ela não é mais assim. Aiiiiiii meu coração. Me apeguei tanto que parece que a conheço. Sofri junto, ri junto e tive que me conformar junto.

"Eu poderia ser atropelado nesse exato momento por um caminhão em alta velocidade cem vezes e ainda assim não sentir uma dor desse nível."

Pqp.

É muito foda.

Ai ai....

Odiei o Paul - o pai - pelo que falaram dele no começo. Mas quando de fato o conheci, adorei que ele não era quem eu pensava.

Quando Paul e Neena se conheceram foi amor a primeira vista. A autora não precisou escrever isso, mas o jeito que ela conduziu a cena foi gritante que aquilo ali foi amor instantâneo. Ali eu comecei a me apaixonar pelo Paul. E esse sentimento foi só crescendo durante o livro.

Clara. A mãe. A autora nos fez sofrer junto com ela. Com suas inseguranças. Seus medos. Sua inconformidade com o fato daquilo tá fora do seu alcance. A autora retratou muito bem uma personagem que está de mãos atadas e que a única coisa que pode fazer é tentar tornar os últimos dias de sua filha perfeitos.

Mas a história não foca só na Neena. A gente tem uma pausa no chororo quando ficamos sabendo como Paul e Clara se conheceram, como ficaram juntos e como se afastaram. Além da descoberta de que ele é pai ainda tem a situação mal resolvida com a mãe de sua filha. A autora misturou bem essas histórias, transformando esse livro não em um romance, mas sim uma história de amor. De todos os tipos de amor.

Também amei o amigo deles, o Marcus. Não me recordo de já ter lido um livro em que um anão tenha ganhado tanto destaque. Marcus era pequeno sim e carrancudo, mas na hora que ele abre seu coração.. Putz... Maior coração do mundo.

Não sei mais o que falar. Não achei que um livro pudesse mexer tanto assim comigo. Até agora que acabei literalmente de ler, escrevendo isso aqui, sinto uma vontade enorme de chorar. Se isso aqui fosse uma resenha num papel vocês iam perceber as marquinhas de lágrimas nele. Não dá. Não dá pra não se emocionar.

Minha cabeça tá doendo demais. Mas valeu cada lágrima que escorreu da minha cara porque também teve momentos que o sorriso apareceu. Eu me apeguei demais a Neena.

Se você leu Where One Goes, que também é da B. N. Toler, e achou que aquele livro acabou com você... Você não viu nada.

Já li um número bom de livros esse ano. E alguns gostei e outros amei. Mas nada perto de DESPERATELY SEEKING EPIC. História emocionante. Linda e, com certeza, minha favorita do ano.

"Você é minha mais épica aventura, princesa"

----------------------
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[Betül · Rating 5 out of 5]

**Received ARC in exchange for an honest review**



4.5 Stars

"Life's too short to be subtle."

When I read the blurb of this book I just knew I had to get my hands on this book. The author did a great job by grabbing the readers attention with the blurb. I had tears in my eyes the moment I started this book. I am such an emotional wreck. March is definitely a tear-jerker fest for me.

Neena, Paul and Clara's daughter is dying and she is desperately seeking her father. I was teary-eyed when I was reading her ad. Clara had been looking for Paul for years but she couldn't get in contact. At last they found a way to have him come back and finally meet his daughter he didn't know he had. He isn't the "white picket fence" guy so Clara doesn't know how he will react to hearing he is a father.

Throughout this book we get flashbacks from both Clara and Paul's POV and see how they met and how their relationship developed. Paul's uncle left half of his skydiving business to him and the other half to Clara. Their first meeting didn't go to well. paul didn't know her and had no idea why his uncle left half the business to her. Normally I don't like flashbacks that much but it was done in a very creative way that it fit perfectly with the story.

Marcus is Clara's best friend and biggest supporter, that wasn't the case when they first met though. They couldn't stand each other. I really disliked Marcus when I was reading about him in the flashbacks but in the present time he was the funniest and greatest. In the flashbacks Paul was not a nice guy either. Clara did a great job by defending herself and not caring what they said about her. She was such a strong woman and I loved her personality.

This book isn't the easiest to read. It is a very emotional book and I was crying a lot. The moment Neena and Paul met for the first time was beautiful. I also loved how their relationship grew in such a short time. Neena was the sweetest and most optimistic girl. This is a beautiful second-chance romance. But in my opinion it's more than just that. I am looking forward to what BN Toler comes up with next.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

How I want to hate this book. Solely based on the feelings that this book invoked in me I’d give it 1 star but I just can’t so I give it

4 “You are my most epic adventure” stars.

Up until now I have only read one other book by this author and it was a beautiful book but unlike with this book this doesn’t have a happy ending. Well in the traditionally sense anyway.
I’m absolutely emotionally drained after reading this book. There were times during the book I was wondering why I kept on reading it. But I just couldn’t stop reading and believe me I wanted to.
B.N. Toler is one of the few that pulls on the heartstrings that I have left. Her talent is to suck you into the story. It is a heart-breaking, raw, emotional, touching, sweet and painful book to read.

This is all I can write as my review as it is a book that you need to read. You might enjoy it but you might not enjoy it. I enjoyed it. I’m glad I read it at the weekend otherwise I’d be a blubbering mess at work and on the tram.

[Hanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

BN Toler delivers again an unique, emotional, beautiful, romantic and heartbreaking novel. I loved this second chance story. I wondered what happened that made Paul and Clara break up, because it was obvious that the attraction was still there. Paul and Clara have never forgotten each other and never stopped loving each other. Clara is smart, caring, friendly, ambitious and hardworking. She has made their business very successful and she gets along great with her employees. Paul loves the adventure, the adrenaline rush and to be free. He didn’t do commitment nor falling in love, but Clara and Neena make him want different things. He wants to be better. I loved Neena, Paul and Clara’s daughter. She’s sweet, funny, strong, loving and optimistic.

[[~Ami~]♥Sexy Dexy♥ · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars

Alright there may be hope for me... I almost cried reading this! It was so sad!!! I felt so much for these characters and it's one of those books that will stay with me for a long time.

#readtheblurb #tissuesrequired

[Pamela · Rating 3 out of 5]

Phew! This was emotional, alright! I'm actually pretty torn about this one, so it's really hard to rate.

I'll start with the things I liked:
NEENA: omg she was perfect! She was fighting so hard to make everything easy for everyone, rarely ever showing that she was scared herself, although she was the one suffering from cancer. My heart broke in a million pieces for this girl, who dreamed of growing up and seeing the world. To say I cried my eyes out would be an understatement.
I don't want to not exist anymore.
Paul with Neena: he tried to be the father she should have had from day one and they were actually really cute together:

So here's what I didn't like:
PAUL: how should I describe him... Douchey, immature, spineless pretty much sums it up. Like, are there really guys leaving for 13 years without a word and then complaining that the pregnant woman he left behind didn't travel all over the world to search for him just so she could tell him that he was going to be a father??? I wanted to kick his balls really hard throughout almost all of this book! He for sure wasn't a likeable character to me.
The interviews: seriously, if my daughter asked me to tell her the story of how her father and I met, I would just tell her. I for sure wouldn't tell it to the whole world. Especially not if my daughter was dying and it wasn't sure if she would make it until the interviews are finished. This was obviously the author's way to be able to include some steam into the story, but who would tell details of their sexlife to some random 17-year-old?

So I had some issues with this story, but was also deeply moved by some parts. This makes up to an average of 3 stars.

[✿kawehi.reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

☆ I received an ARC via Southern Belle PR in exchange for an honest review. Thank you!! ☆



After reading the plot synopsis, I'm sure a lot of you have questions about the fate of the young girl seeking her father. I'm sorry to say in respect to this, that my review will not at all feature nor give off any details regarding that book aspect.

Desperately Seeking Epic was one of those sentimental and monumental touching reads that will make you feel emotional, frustrated, and holding back tears.

It's hard to go into detail without divulging spoilers, so I will not. I will just share my over all thoughts and feelings after finishing.

What I take back from the plot and the characters was the essence of all of it. It was raw, unjaded (*yes, I made that word up), and pure. It was about the miracles of life and seizing it, with all of the joyous and heartbreaking complexities that come with it.

Part of living life is the unknown and taking it by the horns and cherishing every moment of it.



I've really been impressed with author BN Toler and the risks she undertakes in her writing and the depth it possesses. I remember reading her book debut and to see her authorship growing and transforming, it's been quite a treat!!

Loved this Ms. Toler!

[Karla · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Desperately seeking epic" was a heart wrenching, emotional, frustrating, yet beautiful story about second chance love, forgiveness, friendship, the bond between a child and parent and learning to let go.

What I like about the story was Neena actually I loved her. She was a strong, and funny sweet little girl. She was so brave to embarked on this campaign to find her father aka "epic" especially under the sad circumstances. I loved those moments when she was such a teenager, listening to her favorite band crushing on a boy. She definitely was the heart of this book.

What I didn't like what was the reasons for the separation between the MC Clara and Paul. Even though I'm not a fan of going back and forth between the past and present, with this one it work out well. But instead of making me understand the reason for the MC separation it just made it more frustrating for all those wasted years. I think my resentment was more towards Clara because I felt she didn't try harder to find Paul. Regardless of the reasons she thought why he left, her reason for finding him was bigger than any hurt that he had cost her.
I gotta say the epilogue was really good it surprised me who appeared at the end. Also to get an update on zane and mills and know they got their HEA.
They're are a lot of quotes that I loved int his book but this two were my absolute favorite.

"I've been to a lot of places, seen a lot faces, and none in this world are as beautiful as you"
"You are my most epic adventure, princess"

[Jo - •.★Reading Is My Bliss★.• · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clara is happily married until she arrives home early one day to find her loyal husband was not was not feeling so loyal anymore. This resulted in the end of what she thought was a solid marriage. Sure, the last few years had been tough on them but she thought they could overcome anything together. She can’t understand how her husband could just simply walk away from what they had. Knowing that there is no chance of reconciliation, she packs her bags and goes to the only place she has now.

Clara’s parents died tragically when she was very young and the person responsible for their death has left her something in his will. Half of his skydiving business. Her arrival in town and to the business premises is met with a not so friendly welcome. She really has her work cut for her. She plans to turn things around and help the business grow but it’s hard to affect change when the employees are set in doing things the way they always have. This creates a bit of tension on a daily basis, in particular with one of her team.

Clara is still dealing with the dissolution of her marriage, she can’t have been with someone for years and suddenly fall out of love with them. It is a grieving process that she needs to work through. Throwing herself into work and DIY on a very run down house she has bought seems to be helping for now. However, as time moves on she realises how lonely she is and how much she craves the simple intimacies of being with someone you care about.

Paul James is one of the skydivers and owns the other half of their business. He is handsome, charismatic and great at his job. He has wanderlust and often leaves for months at a time. He is not interested in relationships, happy ever afters or white picket fences. He also gives Clara the best kiss of her life. Erasing the memory of her ex-husband, he wanted to help her get it out of the way and so she isn’t nervous to kiss another man again. Then he leaves.

When Paul returns, the attraction between them grows. A bit scary for Paul but exciting for Clara. Things move into something more physical and they enjoy the most mind blowing sex of their lives. Feelings are beginning to creep in and Paul is okay with that for now but when he comes to the realisation that he can’t give Clara what she needs the most he does what he does best. He leaves, and this time he doesn’t come back. What he doesn't know is that he left a part of him behind, Clara is pregnant.

Fast forward 13 years… Clara has is still living in the same town, running the same business and has been a single mum to her daughter Neena. Neena has been unwell since she was about 8 years old and it’s terminal. She desperately wants to meet her father before she dies and she also secretly hopes to reunite her parents so that when she leaves them, her mum won’t be alone. Paul used to be a stunt man and went by the name ‘Epic.’ Clara has no idea what Neena is up and is oblivious to a listing on Craigslist that Neena has posted ‘Desperately Seeking Epic.’

OMG this story had all the book feels I love, there was a beautiful love story but so bittersweet as it was cloaked in grief. Been so long since I cried reading a story and it felt so damn good. But also sad :( I bought this wonderful gem in 2017 and it got lost amongst my pile of unread books for far too long! I love it when I go for a rummage through my TBR pile and find treasures like this story.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Words cannot describe how beautiful this book is. There's nothing I can really say that will do it justice. I remember the first time I read this author's work, it was a novel called "where one goes" and I remember thinking, god she can never top that. This story is probably even better. I genuinely was so moved by this book. A truly wonderful second chance romance that tugs at your heartstrings and really helps you put things into perspective. I don't want to give anything away about the plot, it's best to just go in blind and enjoy the journey. However I will warn you that this book will definitely make you cry, but it's so worth it. I genuinely haven't cried like that at a book in a really long time...I have to say this story is easily my favourite book this year so far. I love this author, I can't get enough of her work. Her characters are so realistic, so true to life, so human, it doesn't feel like fiction when you read it. This book reads like a movie. I absolutely loved every single thing about it. If this isn't already on your TBR, add it right now - it's absolutely stunning!!

[Melody Cox · Rating 2 out of 5]

For Me An Epic Disappointment

Please understand I find no joy in rating a book poorly. When I make a purchase my intent is to immerse myself in the story going into it as though I’m going to love it. I’m sorry to say this book was an epic disappointment. I know I’m in a very small minority but please respect my right to my own opinion even though you will probably disagree. My goal is to leave an honest review of the stories I read. In no way do I want to do harm to the author or the book she put her heart and soul into but I do have to be honest in my opinion.

Since most everyone has left glowing reviews and hit the highlights I will forego my usual synopsis and focus more on why this book didn’t work for me on many levels. It simply fell very short of my expectations after canvassing the raving reviews.

Unlike most of the reviewers I honestly didn’t like Paul (Epic) from the beginning and still didn’t care for him in the end. It was like he was two different people and I felt a real disconnect between Paul now and Paul thirteen years previously. He was a notorious womanizer and man-whore and was an a$$ most of the time. Arrogant, conceited and self-absorbed doesn’t begin to cover his shortcomings. If he had really grown up and matured why was he still avoiding the only woman he had ever loved? There were so many things he left undone when he left Clara and for this reader the author did not convince me he earned his redemption! And the big thing is, if it was left up to him he would have never returned. You can’t convince me it was love he felt for Clara. I never got past the fact that he left, never checked his emails, and failed to reply when his attorney friend had informed him she was trying to reach him years ago. When he arrived at the ‘meeting’ his plan to walk in and treat her terribly then turn and leave AGAIN! Oh yeah, I forgot that’s how we treat the person/people we love most in the world. He didn’t deserve Clara or their daughter.

The formatting was awkward with the of POV switching back and forth. I had to keep turning back to the first page of each chapter to see who was speaking and it was confusing to say the least. I had to work too hard to stay abreast of the story. First there was the past. Then there was the present. Then there was the present that was the retelling of the past. Next came the present and finally ten years in the future which gave us little information. It gave me whiplash and took away from the story. I wanted more present day. I just didn’t care for the retelling that could have been summed up in a single chapter at the start of the book. The epilogue was beyond weird. I at least hoped that Paul and Clara would have had another child together even though she was close to forty. One where Paul would have stayed put for a change. Just disappointing all around. I simply did not buy the story line and the two opposing personalities of the hero.

I also had an issue with how much of a man-whore we were led to believe Paul was. I have trouble respecting a character when he can’t keep his pants zipped, especially when he is in love with someone else. If I don’t like one of the MC the book is shot to heck for me. Others talked about how much they loved Paul and I kept waiting...and waiting...for a big moment where he would be redeemed...but it never happened for me. The story left me with several unanswered questions and I didn’t feel it was completely wrapped up.

I was not impressed with their sexual encounter after thirteen years apart. It was lacking. Very little intimacy to be found in the telling of this story. I also didn’t appreciate Paul’s crassness and crudeness at times. It made me think of him as low-class and not too bright. I didn’t like the image it painted of him in my mind.

Ok, I’m stopping now. I’m going to put on my armor to protect myself from all the stones that are going to be thrown my way.

[Kelli Spear · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I saw this cover and description a few months ago, I knew I had to read this book. I had recently finished Toler’s Where One Goes and had fallen in love with her storytelling skills. I had a feeling that as much as I loved the former, Desperately Seeking Epic would blow me away.

I was right.

Honestly, no matter what I try to say about this book, it won’t do it a bit of justice. But I assure you I will do my best.

"Life's too short to be subtle."
For me, the above is the theme of this book. It starts with a present-day dying girl’s wish to meet her father, but takes the reader on a journey through the emotional truth of the past. This book took a hard left turn from what I was expecting from it, and I have to admit that I loved it more because of this. I love when I go in believing I know the direction a story is taking only to be pleasantly surprised by the actuality of it.

"But hearts don’t work like light switches; they don’t just flick on and off. They swell rapidly with love and bleed out slowly with pain."

In Desperately Seeking Epic, we get the past (and history) of Clara and Paul through interviews they’re giving to a high school reporter. These snippets are perfectly interwoven with the current story. They add a further emotional depth to the book, and I found myself completely invested in these characters and the outcome of this period in their lives. Toler’s approach is not only unique, but also captivating. I guarantee you will be sucked in from the very first page and will struggle to put this book down until you’ve reached the last page.

This book takes the reader on a helluva roller coaster of emotions. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be angry… You will connect to the characters – including the fantastically written background cast – and feel like these are your friends and family. Heck, you’ll even hate some of the people at times… but it’s all worth it in the end.

Desperately Seeking Epic is more than a romance. It is this as well, but there’s a message contained inside the story. One each of us should take with us and try to use in our own lives. Something about this story made me want to be a better person. Sometimes, you read a book and feel changed. You’ll remember exactly how you felt when you finished reading it. At the mere mention of its name, those feelings will come back as those no time had passed. Toler has written one of those books for me.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it a hundred more times. Desperately Seeking Epic will be at the top of my list for best reads of 2016.

[Elisa Glendenning (on hiatus) · Rating 5 out of 5]

🪂 Enemies to Lovers
🪂 Second Chances
🪂 Strong Shero
🪂 Slow Burn

Life’s too short to be subtle

Apprehensive as I was, after the opener below, I couldn’t have stopped, if I tried. I was invested from the get go. I never expected to love it quite so much or laugh as much as I did. However, I was fully prepared to ugly cry. I needed a drip, I was so dehydrated.

Craigslist Ad: DESPERATELY SEEKING EPIC

You’re my father.
I don’t know much about you. I know your name is Paul James, you’re a thrill seeker, and once upon a time you did stunts and people called you ‘Epic.’
I’ve been told you don’t know about me. That it’s complicated.
But for me it’s simple.
Here’s the thing: I’m twelve years old…and I’m dying.
And as much as this could crush my mother, I have to meet you before I go.
In time, I’m sure she’ll understand. She’s still in love with you.
So, Epic, if you read this, please come back. You don’t have to be my dad. You don’t even have to tell me you love me or you’re sorry. Just come see me.

Patiently waiting, but running out of time,
Neena

I loved all of the characters. They were authentic and well developed. Oh so brave Neena - such an old soul who was beautiful inside and out. Single mum Clara, successfully running a sky diving business whilst simultaneously caring for Neena, not once giving up. Paul “I don’t do happily ever after” facing up to his past mistakes after one hell of a surprise. Finally, Marcus (Clara’s BF). What he lacked in height he made up for with his winning personality (imagine a blonde Peter Dinklage).

Clara did not have it easy in life. As a mother myself, I really identified with her character. I can’t imagine anything worse than holding out for a miracle, whilst watching your child suffer and being utterly powerless to prevent it. The relationship portrayed between mother and daughter was moving and so damn realistic. I loved every one of their scenes together. Their mutual love for each other was something special ❤️ As for the relationship with her husband Kurt, it also resonated with me on a personal level. I could really emphasise with her missing someone who had been such a big part of her life, regardless of the fact that he was an absolute scumbag. I really wanted her to stuff Camembert behind the radiators, put dye in the shower heads, conceal fish heads in the curtains and stick bananas up his tail pipe. Unfortunately, she was far too classy.

After Paul’s sudden return, following a thirteen year absence, both parents work together to honour Neena’s wishes by recounting their past through a series of interviews with a group of high school journalists. I don’t normally like flashbacks but I really enjoyed it here. I loved their relationship development, both past and present. They had such great chemistry together. Although he had his merits, I have to say past Paul was also a douchebag. Yet, despite his flaws and stupid decisions, I still liked him. I adored his relationship with Neena. He stepped up into his new role as her dad unreservedly. There were some very tender moments.As for his history with Clara. Did I think he got off lightly? Hell yeah! Looking at the bigger picture though, when time is precious, energies have to be focused where they’re most important. He regretted his actions and even though I could have done with LOTS more grovelling, I had no doubts as to his love for both mother and daughter. Missing so much of Neena’s life was punishment enough and I admired, and respected Clara’s propensity to forgive. Quite frankly, they needed each other!

Even though this isn’t my typical read, it just goes to show that branching out every so often can be a worthwhile experience. From the highs to the lows, I loved the journey. Life isn’t always rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes, karma is not always a bitch. Sometimes you get a shitty hand and you just have to make the best of it as you can. An epic read! 🪂

[Heather C · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'll go ahead and throw it out there. This book WRECKED ME. I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting into based off of the blub. Or so I thought. Yet, I went into it anyway and I wouldn't change it for the world.




Here's the thing. I don't really want to give too much away. I honestly think that it will take away from your experience of the story. This book is amazingly beautiful and emotionally devastating. There is so much more to it then what you think you are getting.

We do get to see Neena meet her father and we start to learn some of the back history between him and Clara, Neena's mother. What I love the most about this is a glimpse into Paul James' heart.

"Look at me, Neena." When she does, he tells her, "You are so damn beautiful. I know I'm your father and you think I'm just telling you this, but it's true. Inside and out, kid. Beautiful. I've been to a lot of places, seen a lot of faces, and none in this world are as beautiful as yours."
As if I wasn't already done for, he says that. Paul James might just be more "Epic" then the adventures he is known for.

There is so much to this story. Love, sadness, laughter, illness, happiness...it has it all. It's one hell of an emotional roller coaster. I think many people will be able to connect to every single amazing character. They each have a very specific role in each others lives that is beautiful yet challenging.

Don't let the emotions scare you. Read this book and experience their journey. It's worth every single thing you will feel. Amazing job, BN!

*ARC kindly provided in exchange for an honest review*

[Veronika's ReaderFeeder · Rating 4 out of 5]

4- Epic-Stars

https://veronikasreaderfeeder.wordpre...



*ARC was kindly provided by the Author in exchange for an honest review*

*Sigh* To tell the truth, I had to think a lot before I wrote this review. Because the base plotline of the story was truly great, it contained so many emotions, it dealt with a really hard subject, and yesterday when I finished this book I felt like someone ripped my heart out, this book devastated me so much, yet I missed something. Almost the whole time while I was reading this book, I felt that it is pretty good, but just a “Sunday afternoon family movie” kind of way. I missed the spark that I immediately found in Where One Goes. I missed the spirit. And although the amazing, brave and strong character of Neena was able to bring a lot of soul into this story, but it was still not enough for five stars for me.

Neena is only 12 years old, but she is dying. She never met with his father and she feels that she starts to run out of time. She makes a decision to place an ad on Craiglist. Neena’s father, Paul James aka ’Epic’ always had a wandering soul. He always looked for adventures, traveling, he never wanted to settle down, he loved living dangerously.

Paul and Neena’s mom, Clara, met at the first time after Paul’s uncle passed away and he left half-half of his skydiving business for them. At this time nobody knew who Clara was and why the old Dennis left her the half of the business, and how were they related.

After the cold welcome, as the time passed slowly a really deep relationship unfolded between Paul and Clara, but when the things started to turn serious, Paul got on a plane and left Virginia for good. But he didn’t know that at this time Clara already carried his baby under her heart. But now he returns after 13 years and he realizes that he has an amazing daughter who is really sick. And now his job is to be the rock for the both of them at this inconceivably difficult time.

I truly can say that this book shattered my heart. Last night I just silently swallowed my big fat tears during the reading. Neena is such an amazing character! She is so brave, so strong, so smart and so funny! I liked Clara and Paul too, and I just can’t imagine what a tragedy they had to face.

I feel a little bad about this review, because I’m not sure that I can give you a clear picture about this book right now. To tell the truth I didn’t truly believed in the phrase “book hangover” until now, but I think I experienced it now the first time. Because last week The Fire Between High & Lo by Brittainy C. Cherry flown me so high, that I think after that book every other book would’ve felt a little less shiny. And maybe this is the reason why I didn’t fell for this book so hard. Maybe it was just bad timing, and maybe this was also the reason why I didn’t felt the continuous need to read this story. I found the writing style good but not great, and I can’t tell you why. While I was reading Where One Goes I remembered that I felt blown away, while to tell the truth this time I hardly found any quote and paragraph in this book that I could highlight. I think that all the quotes of a great book are caught perfect, memorable moments what I would most like to bottle for eternity. And while in The Fire Between High & Lo I found inconceivably lots of these perfect moments, in this book I hardly find a few. And this is why I feel so bad about this review, because it is truly not fair to compare the two books. :( And don’t get me wrong it was a truly beautiful, heartbreaking story, but I just can’t give 5 stars for it with a true heart.

Overall I highly recommend it for everyone, and I truly hope that this beautiful story of Neena will steal everybody’s hearts.

[Jeannine Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 stars!

"Life's too short to be subtle."

😭💔

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is so sensitive. I just cried. And cried. And cried. Gosh!!!!
I'm silly.

[Becky Frosco · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

[Asia · Rating 5 out of 5]

na chwilę obecną mam taką myśl, że nie przeczytam tej książki nigdy więcej. never ever. nie dam rady zwyczajnie. podchodzilam do niej dwa razy i zaluje ze nie przeczytalam wtedy..moze akurat teraz bym dojrzała do tego, żeby przeczytać ja raz jeszcze? nie wiem. bo książka jest prze- i tutaj mozna sobie wstawić każde dokonczenie- mocna, piękna, miażdżącą , rozrywajaca. to ksiązka o pięknej milosci rodzicow do dziecka i dziecka do rodzicow. milosci idealnej, nieskażonej. do zobaczenia aligatory:* dziekuje dziewczyny.

[Donna ~ The Romance Cover · Rating 4 out of 5]

Desperately Seeking Epic by BN Toler
4.5 stars!!!!

“You are my most epic adventure, princess.”

A synopsis like this is like crack to an emotional reader like me. I crave those tear jerkers, call me weird but they are my favourite reads. Something about connecting to characters on such a deep level just resonates with my reading heart and while I did shed quite a few tears there were a lot more laughs.

The way this story was told was absolutely beautiful, a novel way of telling a life story of two people who created one of the cutest, strongest, most lovable little girls I have ever read about. For a twelve-year-old girl Neena had a wise head on her shoulders and while her parent’s relationship never stood the test of time she knew that her Mum still loved her Dad, even thirteen years later. Now extremely sick she wants to bring them back together and so she turns to Craigslist.

“Life’s too short to be subtle.”

Paul James has not been heard from for thirteen years, he has a daughter he doesn’t know exists and she desperately wants to meet him before she dies. Her Craigslist ad goes viral and news and TV outlets are out pouring their support and airtime. Neena’s mum, Clara, has one last idea to try and lure Paul back and it works…she desperately hopes he is a match. Clara knows it is going to be difficult when she comes face to face with Paul, he broke her heart and despite her misgivings she knows that Neena needs this and just maybe he may hold the key to the slimmest of chances.

My heart broke for Paul, it is obvious that in the last thirteen years his attitude has changed and he sees life differently but he is still the adrenaline junkie he has always been. Even though the sky diving business had always been his home he had nomadic feet, he would always just disappear for a month or so at the drop of a hat and go on another one of his epic adventures, but he always came back…until he didn’t. He missed twelve years of Neena’s life, he is upset and angry but most of all he jumps into fatherhood like a duck to water, the relationship he builds with Neena is epic.

Through a seventeen-year-old budding journalist Clara and Paul relive their lives and soon old memories lead to second chances and new beginnings, neither have lost that love for one another and it pained me that as usual misunderstandings cause the biggest of chasms for so many people.

“I’m sitting in front of the pimple committee, about to recount my past
“You seem nervous…”
“Do I?””

This was more than a book about a sick child, this was a book about second chances, that soul mate love that never leaves and just needs a little spark to reignite. A love that despite thirteen years apart was ever present. I loved the way the author re-told their history, how Clara came to own half a sky diving business and how a love/hate relationship finally kindled and then was painfully extinguished before it had the chance to really ignite.

“Look at me. I fucked up,” he rasps. “I know it. I’ve always known it. But I did love you, and I’ve never stopped. Hate me for leaving. Hate me for being a dick. But don’t hate me because I didn’t love you.”


“He’s getting to me. I’m officially in the vortex of the suck.”

With some amazing side characters that will steal your heart, BN Toler brings together a story that despite the undercurrent of doom and gloom will have you laughing out loud and have tears running down your cheeks for a multitude of reasons, I had tears of laughter and tears of sadness. I sped through this book, frantically page turning to find out how Clara and Paul came to be and I didn’t want their journey to end. What initially I thought would be a book that would be destroy me ended up being a book that uplifted me more and while I would have loved a different ending, the ending we were given was the right one. A beautiful story for a beautiful little girl.

www.theromancecover.com

[Karima chermiti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full review to come : 18/07/2018

Neena is a twelve year old girl who’s dying because she has Leukemia and she hadn’t found a match unless her father is one. The problem is that Paul James, her father doesn’t know she even exists. Thirteen years ago, his uncle died and left him a business to run and a partner to respect, that partner was Clara Bateman, a woman that has a secret to protect and something to prove. At first they clashed and then they fell in love and then suddenly a misunderstanding happened and Paul left town leaving behind no way to contact him to tell him that he was going to become a father.

Now, thirteen later, Paul James comes home to sort some business out but he didn’t really expect to find the people he left behind has fundamentally changed, the woman he loved and left has become a mother who’s fighting like hell to save her daughter, the friends that used to hate Clara are now the one she’s leaning on to stay strong.

Life’s too short to be subtle

The thing about books like desperately seeking epic is that they seek the human side of people, like no matter what you think about the story as a whole, you can’t help but fall in love with it and be moved to tears but for me, it wasn’t only because it is a story that appeal to our empathy but because it was a solid story about love, second chances and the strong gold of family.

The book introduces us to the characters in two different timelines, now and thirteen years before and to see how each one of them has changed and matured is a great thing to witness because you get to rediscover the characters again and witness how they grew up through the experience that they shared together and the ones that they didn’t.

There is no woman in this world like your mother. Believe me, I’ve looked

Seeing Clara changes from a doubtful wife to a courageous business partner to a lover who’s throwing cautious to the wind to a ferocious great mother made me appreciate her more that I would if e didn’t get those past glimpses of her past.

I think that kiss was the first time I ever thought about forever

Seeing Paul grows from a thrill seeker who runs at the first obstacle to a man who stands beside the people he loves till the devastating end wormed my heart and made me root for him and Clara because he become a man who’s worthy of her.

How heavy the weight must feel to know you are deteriorating, yet feel like you need to remain tough for those you love

Neena has won my heart; she’s the daughter anyone would want. Even though she just twelve years old, she is one hell of a strong young lady who appreciates life and she’s never bitter about the things she went through fighting to have a healthy life but she is also afraid like anyone would be in her situation every time she expresses her fear of dying, I feel like I’m dying inside. She is also selfless and full of wonder. I loved her to pieces and I’m still not okay with the way things have ended. I mean Why?

I don’t want to talk about the ending because it means that I’ll be giving an important aspect of the book so if you want to know how everything came to an end in this book you have to read it.

Emotional, Touching and painfully moving, Desperately seeking epic is a book that I certainly recommend if you’re craving a book that will break your heart and make you ugly cry.

10/07/2018

I'm just going to sit in a corner and drown in my own tears.