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Make Peace with Your Mind: How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Your Inner Critic
The inner critic is the voice inside our heads reminding us that we are never “good enough.” It’s behind the insidious thoughts that can make us second-guess our every action and doubt our own value. The inner critic might feel overpowering, but it can be managed effectively. Meditation teacher and therapist Mark Coleman helps readers understand and free themselves from the inner critic using the tools of mindfulness and compassion. Each chapter offers constructive insights into what creates, drives, and disarms the critic; real people’s journeys to inspire and guide readers; and simple practices anyone can use to live a free, happy, and flourishing life.
256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2016
140 people are currently reading
1092 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
December 13, 2016
First, the good news about your brain and your inner critic: neuroplasticity, a topic that's been much explored in the last few years, helps you change your mind. And your behavior. And quiet your inner critic. This book shows you how.
If you absolutely do not believe in the power of mindfulness meditation and compassion, for yourself and others, this book won't work for you.
The idea of the book is simple: "If you give negative thoughts attention, then of course they grow in importance. If you stop giving them the time of day, then they have less room to take root and grow."
Coleman says, "I learned that to navigate life's inner and outer storms, you need two essential skills: awareness and compassion. They are like wings of a bird, without which flight is impossible."
As someone who has written two books about the inner critic myself, I love the approach Coleman takes. He understands how the inner critic beats you up through feelings of shame, fraud, and perfectionism. And Coleman shows you how to get some peace in that busy head of yours.
The book is divided into five sections:
The Critic: The Big Picture
Understanding Self-Judgment
How to Work Mindfully With the Critic
The Power of Love
Beyond the Critic
The book has 31 chapters, each containing an idea, how to apply it to your life, and then a way to practice the idea until it becomes a habit.
Some tempting chapter titles: It's About You, Stupid! How the Critic Attacks Your Innate Value; How the Critic Fuels Regret; Understanding the Critic in Your Relationships; Are Your Judgments Really True?; Turning From Self-Hatred to Self-Kindness.
The book isn't fast-food for your soul. It's more of a taste-and-savor read. Practice each chapter as you go along, until the practice becomes a habit. Then go on to the next chapter. I read it all at once to review it, but it was too much good information all at once. It's a good read, too.
If you absolutely do not believe in the power of mindfulness meditation and compassion, for yourself and others, this book won't work for you.
The idea of the book is simple: "If you give negative thoughts attention, then of course they grow in importance. If you stop giving them the time of day, then they have less room to take root and grow."
Coleman says, "I learned that to navigate life's inner and outer storms, you need two essential skills: awareness and compassion. They are like wings of a bird, without which flight is impossible."
As someone who has written two books about the inner critic myself, I love the approach Coleman takes. He understands how the inner critic beats you up through feelings of shame, fraud, and perfectionism. And Coleman shows you how to get some peace in that busy head of yours.
The book is divided into five sections:
The Critic: The Big Picture
Understanding Self-Judgment
How to Work Mindfully With the Critic
The Power of Love
Beyond the Critic
The book has 31 chapters, each containing an idea, how to apply it to your life, and then a way to practice the idea until it becomes a habit.
Some tempting chapter titles: It's About You, Stupid! How the Critic Attacks Your Innate Value; How the Critic Fuels Regret; Understanding the Critic in Your Relationships; Are Your Judgments Really True?; Turning From Self-Hatred to Self-Kindness.
The book isn't fast-food for your soul. It's more of a taste-and-savor read. Practice each chapter as you go along, until the practice becomes a habit. Then go on to the next chapter. I read it all at once to review it, but it was too much good information all at once. It's a good read, too.
February 15, 2017
"Butterflies can't see their wings. They can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well."
This book hung around my house quite awhile before I finally picked it up, and I am so glad that I did. Author Mark Coleman is a meditation guru who has written a book about learning to control your inner critic and love yourself more. Unlike some other authors on this topic, he really explores deeply the reasons we have an inner critic, and how those voices help or, more often, harm us -- as well as what to do to rope them in.
He provides plenty of thoughtful exercises at the end of each chapter to drive home the points he made in that particular chapter. Through his writing and these exercises, readers can learn how to deal with their inner critic in a variety of ways, much as you would with a difficult child. Should you use humor? exaggeration? love? letting them pass along like clouds in a sky? What works best is left up to readers to discover for themselves.
This book really exceeded all my expectations, and I will certainly be using some of the meditations and techniques offered up here well into the future.
December 27, 2016
Again, and this may get repetitive to hear – another phenomenal book has hit my bookshelf at the exact time that I needed it. I’m blessed to be living in a time when “Buddhist self-help” or Buddhist psychology books are plentiful. To have someone articulate the human condition in a way that calls upon the Dharma is truly something I am grateful for. Make Peace with Your Mind: How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Your Inner Critic left me feeling like I spent time with a good friend who had many similar experiences as I did and found a way to break habitual tendencies of self-hate.
The author, Mark Coleman is an experienced meditation teacher, counselor and the founder of the Mindfulness Institute. This book shares his journey from a young, gruff punk to a calm and chill adult (yes, very familiar). It is a guide to how to “stop the war against ourselves” which Coleman believes is the greatest challenge we face. The tools of mindfulness, self-compassion, loving-kindness practice, and various therapeutic strategies are all explored in Make Peace with Your Mind: How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Your Inner Critic.
“I learned that to navigate life’s inner and outer storms, you need two essential skills: awareness and compassion. They are like wings of a bird, without which flight is impossible,” writes Coleman. “Awareness would be the torch that lit my path to discovery and the key to cooling the fires that raged inside me.”
The book is full of many insights into what creates, motivates and then crushes our inner critic. There are examples from others who have come to release themselves from their own negative self-judgment. There are also many exercises to explore in order to help readers work towards peace and freedom. Coleman has also created a “Critic Toolbox” which offers many different strategies to employ to lessen the inner critic’s impact on one’s life.
The author starts by shining a light on the ‘critic’ and how by training ourselves in self-awareness, we can become aware of our negative self-talk. The critic is what causes us depression, anxiety, joylessness, low self-esteem and shame. It’s a cloudy lens we view ourselves through. It limits us and keeps us from living life fully and with passion.
“There is so much pain in life. And it is sad to watch people needlessly add to that by beating themselves up,” writes Coleman. “It is the love in our hearts that allows us to be vulnerable enough to recognize the burdens we carry. Love gives us a quiet strength that enables us to keep the critic at bay, hold our pain tenderly, and begin the journey of healing.”
Coleman helps readers release from negative self-talk by offering that “you are not your fault.” He relays how little control one has on their birth, environment and childhood conditioning. Taking a trip back into the past to determine where rules and cultural norms began to manifest as the critical voice helped me to see the origin story for my negative self-talk.
We need to decide where we wish to focus our awareness and attention and one of the ways to start breaking this cycle is to decide not to be pulled into negative self-judgment. The concept of imposter syndrome is explored and countered with the application of realizing that we all have gifts, experience and talent rather than needing to be caught up with being perfect. Other nasty ways that negative self-talk emerges are explored, such as the belief that we’re never enough, comparing ourselves to others, regret, feeling inadequate or powerless, perfectionism, attacking or judging others,
His words read as soothing and present the ideal place to start to see how we must take responsibility for our healing. Via mindfulness and awareness, we are able to see our situations clearly and then tap into our feelings, reactions, and judgments and begin to see where the ugly face of the inner critic presents itself. Coleman provides numerous antidotes for negative thinking and self talk to help us learn to be more compassionate towards ourselves. An emphasis is placed on learning how to love and befriend oneself – moving from judgment to kindness. Meeting our pain with love and gentleness when this isn’t what our usual default setting is can be quite uncomfortable, believe me. When you start to generate this self-compassion, it is amazing how heart and mind start to feel renewed.
“May I be safe, peaceful and free.”
All of the topics that Mark Coleman explores in Make Peace with Your Mind: How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Your Inner Critic are ones that I’m currently working through in my life. It has been so meaningful to have this book enter my life to help me recognize how hard I’ve been on myself for so long. To be given a Buddhist-flavored guide to pull wisdom and suggestions from has helped me do my own work with my inner critic. If you see that you have been holding yourself back, and wish to break the bad relationship you have with your inner critic, I highly recommend this book. I know I’ll be re-reading and journaling through this one.
The author, Mark Coleman is an experienced meditation teacher, counselor and the founder of the Mindfulness Institute. This book shares his journey from a young, gruff punk to a calm and chill adult (yes, very familiar). It is a guide to how to “stop the war against ourselves” which Coleman believes is the greatest challenge we face. The tools of mindfulness, self-compassion, loving-kindness practice, and various therapeutic strategies are all explored in Make Peace with Your Mind: How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Your Inner Critic.
“I learned that to navigate life’s inner and outer storms, you need two essential skills: awareness and compassion. They are like wings of a bird, without which flight is impossible,” writes Coleman. “Awareness would be the torch that lit my path to discovery and the key to cooling the fires that raged inside me.”
The book is full of many insights into what creates, motivates and then crushes our inner critic. There are examples from others who have come to release themselves from their own negative self-judgment. There are also many exercises to explore in order to help readers work towards peace and freedom. Coleman has also created a “Critic Toolbox” which offers many different strategies to employ to lessen the inner critic’s impact on one’s life.
The author starts by shining a light on the ‘critic’ and how by training ourselves in self-awareness, we can become aware of our negative self-talk. The critic is what causes us depression, anxiety, joylessness, low self-esteem and shame. It’s a cloudy lens we view ourselves through. It limits us and keeps us from living life fully and with passion.
“There is so much pain in life. And it is sad to watch people needlessly add to that by beating themselves up,” writes Coleman. “It is the love in our hearts that allows us to be vulnerable enough to recognize the burdens we carry. Love gives us a quiet strength that enables us to keep the critic at bay, hold our pain tenderly, and begin the journey of healing.”
Coleman helps readers release from negative self-talk by offering that “you are not your fault.” He relays how little control one has on their birth, environment and childhood conditioning. Taking a trip back into the past to determine where rules and cultural norms began to manifest as the critical voice helped me to see the origin story for my negative self-talk.
We need to decide where we wish to focus our awareness and attention and one of the ways to start breaking this cycle is to decide not to be pulled into negative self-judgment. The concept of imposter syndrome is explored and countered with the application of realizing that we all have gifts, experience and talent rather than needing to be caught up with being perfect. Other nasty ways that negative self-talk emerges are explored, such as the belief that we’re never enough, comparing ourselves to others, regret, feeling inadequate or powerless, perfectionism, attacking or judging others,
His words read as soothing and present the ideal place to start to see how we must take responsibility for our healing. Via mindfulness and awareness, we are able to see our situations clearly and then tap into our feelings, reactions, and judgments and begin to see where the ugly face of the inner critic presents itself. Coleman provides numerous antidotes for negative thinking and self talk to help us learn to be more compassionate towards ourselves. An emphasis is placed on learning how to love and befriend oneself – moving from judgment to kindness. Meeting our pain with love and gentleness when this isn’t what our usual default setting is can be quite uncomfortable, believe me. When you start to generate this self-compassion, it is amazing how heart and mind start to feel renewed.
“May I be safe, peaceful and free.”
All of the topics that Mark Coleman explores in Make Peace with Your Mind: How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Your Inner Critic are ones that I’m currently working through in my life. It has been so meaningful to have this book enter my life to help me recognize how hard I’ve been on myself for so long. To be given a Buddhist-flavored guide to pull wisdom and suggestions from has helped me do my own work with my inner critic. If you see that you have been holding yourself back, and wish to break the bad relationship you have with your inner critic, I highly recommend this book. I know I’ll be re-reading and journaling through this one.
March 12, 2017
My personal inner critic is the meanest, nastiest voice there is. I can have something really wonderful happen to me, but I will destroy own joy by finding something to worry about or find fault with. I am so incredibly hard on myself that a very dear friend recommended I read this book to try to help me. (Thank you, L.) This book had many wonderful suggestions as to how to get your mind to stop being so painfully hard on yourself. This is not something you can do in a weekend; it is a major change to your way of thinking and I wish the best of luck to anyone and everyone who takes this on. Love yourself. You're not as bad as you think! :-)
I really liked the line in the book: "You are not your fault." That's right. I'm NOT my fault! I was messed up by someone who was not supposed to mess me up in the first place. Baby steps.....
I really liked the line in the book: "You are not your fault." That's right. I'm NOT my fault! I was messed up by someone who was not supposed to mess me up in the first place. Baby steps.....
March 26, 2021
An interesting and easy to understand book; one I'll probably revisit from time to time. Practical practice for a beginer in mindfulness but also a good reminder to be kind to oneself as well as others.
March 2, 2017
From the full review on my blog:
Let me start with what I usually reserve for the last line:
Get this book.
Devour it.
Don't apologize for stopping conversations, meals or entire relationships in order to consult it - mid-sentence, mid-thought, mid-kiss.
Reading Coleman's perceptive insights into the inner critic - who it really is, how it came to be, how it is embedded in our mind and body - is like turning towards an aspect of ourselves with which we are deeply intimate yet see through blurred eyes. He begins with a big sky view inviting us to see the breadth and depth of this inner process in a way that is, at the same time, immense and safe. After sketching out "The Big Picture" (the first section), he dives into the intricate nature of the inner critic: Self-judgment and How to Work with the Critic. Then ironically, it gets tough: Love and Compassion for ourselves. How can we learn to love ourselves after years and years of being gaslit into no longer trusting our experience of who we truly are. But it's only when we can connect with ourselves without the filters of fear and anxiety that we can also reach out to others and offer them the same safety through love. Coleman walks us through these stages of understanding and steps to freedom with kind attention and a gentle nudge.
Read more here:
http://wp.me/pJQ0o-F3N
Let me start with what I usually reserve for the last line:
Get this book.
Devour it.
Don't apologize for stopping conversations, meals or entire relationships in order to consult it - mid-sentence, mid-thought, mid-kiss.
Reading Coleman's perceptive insights into the inner critic - who it really is, how it came to be, how it is embedded in our mind and body - is like turning towards an aspect of ourselves with which we are deeply intimate yet see through blurred eyes. He begins with a big sky view inviting us to see the breadth and depth of this inner process in a way that is, at the same time, immense and safe. After sketching out "The Big Picture" (the first section), he dives into the intricate nature of the inner critic: Self-judgment and How to Work with the Critic. Then ironically, it gets tough: Love and Compassion for ourselves. How can we learn to love ourselves after years and years of being gaslit into no longer trusting our experience of who we truly are. But it's only when we can connect with ourselves without the filters of fear and anxiety that we can also reach out to others and offer them the same safety through love. Coleman walks us through these stages of understanding and steps to freedom with kind attention and a gentle nudge.
Read more here:
http://wp.me/pJQ0o-F3N
September 20, 2018
Great book for those who struggle with the inner critic.
This is an accessible, quick read filled with lots of simple exercises, many of them meditations you can easily do at home or wherever. Most of the chapters are only a few pages in length, so tiny bites are digestible and actionable. This book is good in combination with Kristin Neff's Self-Compassion. This one is more focused on the critic and introduces a variety of different practices to address it, one of which is self-compassion. This book is also more meditation heavy than Neff's, which offers more writing exercises. Both are easy to read, relieving, and filled with practices to help alleviate suffering from our own internal judges.
This is an accessible, quick read filled with lots of simple exercises, many of them meditations you can easily do at home or wherever. Most of the chapters are only a few pages in length, so tiny bites are digestible and actionable. This book is good in combination with Kristin Neff's Self-Compassion. This one is more focused on the critic and introduces a variety of different practices to address it, one of which is self-compassion. This book is also more meditation heavy than Neff's, which offers more writing exercises. Both are easy to read, relieving, and filled with practices to help alleviate suffering from our own internal judges.
January 10, 2018
Make Peace with Your Mind is an interesting helpful book about reducing your inner critic. The chapters are short, informative, and most start with an amazing quote. Mark Coleman shared a lot of helpful information. It captured my interest at a logical level, but not an emotional one. For me, self help books and those about mental health must have a writing style that really resonates with me. Therefore I didn’t get as much out of this book as I could have, since it click with me that much. The information is good, so I recommend it for others that might connect with it more.
June 2, 2017
Highly recommend this book if you practice mindfulness and believe in being compassionate not only to others but to yourself.
November 9, 2018
Very practical suggestions for working with the inner critic. Daily meditations
April 29, 2019
Endorsements:
“This book is a rare combination of practical help, emotional support, compelling personal story, scientific foundations, and spiritual insight. Mark Coleman shows us how to let go of feeling pressured, inadequate, or afraid to express ourselves fully — and instead feel strong, confident, and worthy. A beautiful, soulful, enormously useful book.”
— Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom
“What I most love about Make Peace with Your Mind is the range of accessible practices it offers. From his own experience over many years, Mark Coleman has distilled powerful, creative strategies for relating with and transforming your inner critic. It’s a wonderful, delightful, and deeply touching book.”
— Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness and Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation
“Both insightful and helpful, with gifts of wisdom and many practical tools to work with your own mind and heart.”
— Jack Kornfield, author of A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life and cofounding teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, Woodacre, California
“When I first met Mark Coleman at a retreat at the Spirit Rock Meditation Center, I immediately appreciated the clarity he brought to his teachings. This book is written in the same clear voice, providing an easy-to-follow road map to understanding and defeating our inner critic.”
— Troy Aikman, Pro Football Hall of Fame quarterback and Fox Sports broadcaster
“Mark Coleman has written a wonderful and important book. If we can make friends with ourselves we activate the place inside that has always truly wanted our well-being. Transforming the mind from inner critic to best friend is the key to a more fulfilling life. Make Peace with Your Mind is the perfect guidebook to help us do just that. An excellent offering!”
— James Baraz, coauthor of Awakening Joy: 10 Steps That Will Put You on the Road to Real Happiness and cofounding teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, Woodacre, California
“Mark Coleman’s Make Peace with Your Mind is a great read for all those looking to mindfulness to help them live their best life. Sometimes when life speeds up, it is best to take a few moments to slow down! The benefits of these practices are real and wide-ranging, and it is never too late to start.”
— Congressman Tim Ryan
“Most of us wait for some champion to show up in our life who supports our dreams, calms our fears, and provides a vision for our future. Mark Coleman reminds us we can be our own champion by building a healthier relationship with our judgmental mind with clear and practical steps. This book can change your life.”
— Chip Conley, New York Times–bestselling author of Emotional Equations: Simple Truths for Creating Happiness + Success and Head of Global Hospitality and Strategy at Airbnb
“Of the many recent books on mindfulness, some have discussed the practice as a tool in one’s life or career, but Coleman focuses squarely on the goal of achieving inner peace and practicing compassion toward oneself and others. For self-improvement enthusiasts searching for ways to calm a stressed mind, this book is sure to help.”
— Publishers Weekly
“ ‘Inner critic’ here is not just a tool for marketing a generic meditation book. Coleman takes apart the critic and assesses its origins, its pros, and its cons with curiosity and insight. He unravels it and makes it possible to see it not as a big, bad monster, but simply as human intelligence run amok.”
— Mindful magazine
“In his new book, Make Peace with Your Mind, Mark Coleman shares his own deep understanding of the often pervasive inner critic, and he offers many tools and methods for freeing ourselves from this common habit of mind. His clear style and compassionate wisdom combine to make this book a valuable support on our journey to freedom.”
— Joseph Goldstein, author of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening
“In this well-written book, Mark Coleman presents his personal reflections on how to free yourself from harsh self-criticism, based on his experience as a meditation teacher, coach, and therapist. With pragmatic exercises designed to help you better understand your own inner critic, this is a truly worthwhile read.”
— Kristin Neff, associate professor at UT Austin and author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
“Mark Coleman has written a wonderfully original book, addressing the inner critic that keeps us from our most creative work. He understands that it is often buried deep, and he gives us a wide range of excavation tools, all of which are kind and helpful. Useful for anyone, I will use it especially with college students and young artists and professionals, whose external lives are full of judgments, as well as activists, who feel they can never do enough. This book is a great gift.”
— Mirabai Bush, senior fellow at the Center for Contemplative Mind in Society, and coauthor (with Ram Dass) of Compassion in Action: Setting Out on the Path of Service
“A beautiful guide to liberating our minds from endless cycles of self-criticism and creating the inner peace that leads to an exemplary life.”
— Stephen Dinan, bestselling author of Sacred America, Sacred World: Fulfilling Our Mission in Service to All and CEO of the Shift Network
“In clear and powerful and terms, Mark Coleman offers readers highly practical tools to cultivate lasting calm, contentment, and happiness in any life circumstance. The tools outlined in this book will help readers confront one of the most persistent sources of difficulty anyone may encounter: one’s own negative mind states. Make Peace with Your Mind is a uniquely transformational work offered to us by one of the world’s preeminent mindfulness and meditation teachers. It is a must-read for anyone interested in meaningful personal growth and fulfillment.”
— Rich Fernandez, PhD, cofounder of Wisdom Labs
“As we now know, the world inside and the world outside are not so different — and the sneakily destructive inner critic can make a mess of self, other, and the whole world. In Make Peace with Your Mind, therapist, consultant, and Buddhist teacher Mark Coleman does as good a job as I have seen of explaining, deconstructing, and working with the inner critic, until she or he becomes an ally. The book includes many useful exercises for putting its important message into practice: that you need not go on with this misery any longer.”
— Norman Fischer, Zen priest and author of What Is Zen?: Plain Talk for a Beginner's Mind and Experience: Thinking, Writing, Language, and Religion
“Mark Coleman, an experienced therapist and a profound practitioner and teacher of meditation, has crafted an exquisite path toward peace and freedom with one of the most troubling aspects of our humanity: our inner critic. Drawing upon ancient wisdom traditions, contemporary psychological breakthroughs, and many other sources, Mark weaves these wisdom strands together into a fully accessible practical approach, illustrated with many examples and supported with practices that can build insight and competence. A marvelous guidebook brought to life by a warm, compassionate friend.”
— James Flaherty, author of Coaching: Evoking Excellence in Others and founder of New Ventures West and Integral Leadership
“Drawing on decades of experience of freeing himself and others from the inner critic, Mark Coleman has written a beautiful, inspiring, and practical book for all who wish to find a way out from under the weight of their inner critic. Filled with wisdom and compassion, this book is a warmhearted guide for applying mindfulness and common sense to alleviate the burden of the inner critic.”
— Gil Fronsdal, guiding teacher at Insight Meditation Center and translator of The Dhammapada
“The inner critic stops all growth, diminishes our life force, and crushes our soul. With kindness and clarity, Mark Coleman gives us proven practices to tame the critic’s wild ways and access the more reliable guidance of true wisdom. Everybody’s got an inner critic, so everybody needs a wise book like this one.”
— Frank Ostaseski, author of The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully
“In Make Peace with Your Mind, Mark Coleman gently guides us to work with the ubiquitous demon of self-judgment. His kind and clear writing style invites us to see and skillfully relate to this familiar human habit. Through teaching, story, and guided exercises, he inspires us to develop keen and compassionate relationships to the parts of ourselves that often seek to demean or even destroy our self-worth. He offers us the possibility of not only hope but genuine healing. This book on the critic will support anyone who desires stopping the inner war and developing holistic integration with all parts of themselves.”
— Sarah Powers, author of Insight Yoga
“Make Peace with Your Mind is a beautiful book that can help free you from the limited definitions of self-loathing and pain. I have known Mark Coleman for many years, and he is humble and wise and lives with an open heart — one who truly walks his talk. Mark’s guidance is both wise and compassionate to support deep healing.”
— Bob Stahl, PhD, coauthor of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook
“Through Mark Coleman’s decades of experience in mindfulness practices, he’s unearthed tools that can help us with our inner critic — the voice that whispers to us and keeps us lost in self-doubt and old thought patterns. This book is a breath of fresh air, a path out of these cycles, and a way to help liberate us from our suffering in self-doubt.”
— Janet Stone, founder of Janet Stone Yoga
“This immensely practical book by meditation teacher and therapist Mark Coleman is a thorough and compassionate guide to working with the often relentless inner critic. Filled with stories from his own experience and the hundreds of people he has worked with over three decades, Mark brings wisdom, humor, kindness, and a vast repertoire of exercises that can change your life now!”
— Diana Winston, director of Mindfulness Education at UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
“Mark Coleman beautifully integrates the wisdom of reflection and the effectiveness of years of clinical practice into this insightful and accessible book. The wealth of ideas and practices shared in this illuminating work have the power to transform our individual and collective lives.
— Shauna L. Shapiro, PhD, professor at Santa Clara University and coauthor of Mindful Discipline: A Loving Approach to Setting Limits and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child and The Art and Science of Mindfulness: Integrating Mindfulness Into Psychology and the Helping Professions
“This book is a rare combination of practical help, emotional support, compelling personal story, scientific foundations, and spiritual insight. Mark Coleman shows us how to let go of feeling pressured, inadequate, or afraid to express ourselves fully — and instead feel strong, confident, and worthy. A beautiful, soulful, enormously useful book.”
— Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom
“What I most love about Make Peace with Your Mind is the range of accessible practices it offers. From his own experience over many years, Mark Coleman has distilled powerful, creative strategies for relating with and transforming your inner critic. It’s a wonderful, delightful, and deeply touching book.”
— Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness and Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation
“Both insightful and helpful, with gifts of wisdom and many practical tools to work with your own mind and heart.”
— Jack Kornfield, author of A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life and cofounding teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, Woodacre, California
“When I first met Mark Coleman at a retreat at the Spirit Rock Meditation Center, I immediately appreciated the clarity he brought to his teachings. This book is written in the same clear voice, providing an easy-to-follow road map to understanding and defeating our inner critic.”
— Troy Aikman, Pro Football Hall of Fame quarterback and Fox Sports broadcaster
“Mark Coleman has written a wonderful and important book. If we can make friends with ourselves we activate the place inside that has always truly wanted our well-being. Transforming the mind from inner critic to best friend is the key to a more fulfilling life. Make Peace with Your Mind is the perfect guidebook to help us do just that. An excellent offering!”
— James Baraz, coauthor of Awakening Joy: 10 Steps That Will Put You on the Road to Real Happiness and cofounding teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, Woodacre, California
“Mark Coleman’s Make Peace with Your Mind is a great read for all those looking to mindfulness to help them live their best life. Sometimes when life speeds up, it is best to take a few moments to slow down! The benefits of these practices are real and wide-ranging, and it is never too late to start.”
— Congressman Tim Ryan
“Most of us wait for some champion to show up in our life who supports our dreams, calms our fears, and provides a vision for our future. Mark Coleman reminds us we can be our own champion by building a healthier relationship with our judgmental mind with clear and practical steps. This book can change your life.”
— Chip Conley, New York Times–bestselling author of Emotional Equations: Simple Truths for Creating Happiness + Success and Head of Global Hospitality and Strategy at Airbnb
“Of the many recent books on mindfulness, some have discussed the practice as a tool in one’s life or career, but Coleman focuses squarely on the goal of achieving inner peace and practicing compassion toward oneself and others. For self-improvement enthusiasts searching for ways to calm a stressed mind, this book is sure to help.”
— Publishers Weekly
“ ‘Inner critic’ here is not just a tool for marketing a generic meditation book. Coleman takes apart the critic and assesses its origins, its pros, and its cons with curiosity and insight. He unravels it and makes it possible to see it not as a big, bad monster, but simply as human intelligence run amok.”
— Mindful magazine
“In his new book, Make Peace with Your Mind, Mark Coleman shares his own deep understanding of the often pervasive inner critic, and he offers many tools and methods for freeing ourselves from this common habit of mind. His clear style and compassionate wisdom combine to make this book a valuable support on our journey to freedom.”
— Joseph Goldstein, author of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening
“In this well-written book, Mark Coleman presents his personal reflections on how to free yourself from harsh self-criticism, based on his experience as a meditation teacher, coach, and therapist. With pragmatic exercises designed to help you better understand your own inner critic, this is a truly worthwhile read.”
— Kristin Neff, associate professor at UT Austin and author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
“Mark Coleman has written a wonderfully original book, addressing the inner critic that keeps us from our most creative work. He understands that it is often buried deep, and he gives us a wide range of excavation tools, all of which are kind and helpful. Useful for anyone, I will use it especially with college students and young artists and professionals, whose external lives are full of judgments, as well as activists, who feel they can never do enough. This book is a great gift.”
— Mirabai Bush, senior fellow at the Center for Contemplative Mind in Society, and coauthor (with Ram Dass) of Compassion in Action: Setting Out on the Path of Service
“A beautiful guide to liberating our minds from endless cycles of self-criticism and creating the inner peace that leads to an exemplary life.”
— Stephen Dinan, bestselling author of Sacred America, Sacred World: Fulfilling Our Mission in Service to All and CEO of the Shift Network
“In clear and powerful and terms, Mark Coleman offers readers highly practical tools to cultivate lasting calm, contentment, and happiness in any life circumstance. The tools outlined in this book will help readers confront one of the most persistent sources of difficulty anyone may encounter: one’s own negative mind states. Make Peace with Your Mind is a uniquely transformational work offered to us by one of the world’s preeminent mindfulness and meditation teachers. It is a must-read for anyone interested in meaningful personal growth and fulfillment.”
— Rich Fernandez, PhD, cofounder of Wisdom Labs
“As we now know, the world inside and the world outside are not so different — and the sneakily destructive inner critic can make a mess of self, other, and the whole world. In Make Peace with Your Mind, therapist, consultant, and Buddhist teacher Mark Coleman does as good a job as I have seen of explaining, deconstructing, and working with the inner critic, until she or he becomes an ally. The book includes many useful exercises for putting its important message into practice: that you need not go on with this misery any longer.”
— Norman Fischer, Zen priest and author of What Is Zen?: Plain Talk for a Beginner's Mind and Experience: Thinking, Writing, Language, and Religion
“Mark Coleman, an experienced therapist and a profound practitioner and teacher of meditation, has crafted an exquisite path toward peace and freedom with one of the most troubling aspects of our humanity: our inner critic. Drawing upon ancient wisdom traditions, contemporary psychological breakthroughs, and many other sources, Mark weaves these wisdom strands together into a fully accessible practical approach, illustrated with many examples and supported with practices that can build insight and competence. A marvelous guidebook brought to life by a warm, compassionate friend.”
— James Flaherty, author of Coaching: Evoking Excellence in Others and founder of New Ventures West and Integral Leadership
“Drawing on decades of experience of freeing himself and others from the inner critic, Mark Coleman has written a beautiful, inspiring, and practical book for all who wish to find a way out from under the weight of their inner critic. Filled with wisdom and compassion, this book is a warmhearted guide for applying mindfulness and common sense to alleviate the burden of the inner critic.”
— Gil Fronsdal, guiding teacher at Insight Meditation Center and translator of The Dhammapada
“The inner critic stops all growth, diminishes our life force, and crushes our soul. With kindness and clarity, Mark Coleman gives us proven practices to tame the critic’s wild ways and access the more reliable guidance of true wisdom. Everybody’s got an inner critic, so everybody needs a wise book like this one.”
— Frank Ostaseski, author of The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully
“In Make Peace with Your Mind, Mark Coleman gently guides us to work with the ubiquitous demon of self-judgment. His kind and clear writing style invites us to see and skillfully relate to this familiar human habit. Through teaching, story, and guided exercises, he inspires us to develop keen and compassionate relationships to the parts of ourselves that often seek to demean or even destroy our self-worth. He offers us the possibility of not only hope but genuine healing. This book on the critic will support anyone who desires stopping the inner war and developing holistic integration with all parts of themselves.”
— Sarah Powers, author of Insight Yoga
“Make Peace with Your Mind is a beautiful book that can help free you from the limited definitions of self-loathing and pain. I have known Mark Coleman for many years, and he is humble and wise and lives with an open heart — one who truly walks his talk. Mark’s guidance is both wise and compassionate to support deep healing.”
— Bob Stahl, PhD, coauthor of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook
“Through Mark Coleman’s decades of experience in mindfulness practices, he’s unearthed tools that can help us with our inner critic — the voice that whispers to us and keeps us lost in self-doubt and old thought patterns. This book is a breath of fresh air, a path out of these cycles, and a way to help liberate us from our suffering in self-doubt.”
— Janet Stone, founder of Janet Stone Yoga
“This immensely practical book by meditation teacher and therapist Mark Coleman is a thorough and compassionate guide to working with the often relentless inner critic. Filled with stories from his own experience and the hundreds of people he has worked with over three decades, Mark brings wisdom, humor, kindness, and a vast repertoire of exercises that can change your life now!”
— Diana Winston, director of Mindfulness Education at UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
“Mark Coleman beautifully integrates the wisdom of reflection and the effectiveness of years of clinical practice into this insightful and accessible book. The wealth of ideas and practices shared in this illuminating work have the power to transform our individual and collective lives.
— Shauna L. Shapiro, PhD, professor at Santa Clara University and coauthor of Mindful Discipline: A Loving Approach to Setting Limits and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child and The Art and Science of Mindfulness: Integrating Mindfulness Into Psychology and the Helping Professions
October 19, 2020
I have been picking at this book for several months. A few years ago I started my spiritual journey after many years of running from this part of myself. This journey soon revealed the omnipresence of my “Inner Critic”. I found how loud and callous and cruel and debilitating and how, despite its best intentions, genuinely _unhelpful_ it is. Uprooting this cynical tyrant has been a core goal of my deepening spirituality.
The book had many helpful chapters and practices. The chapters are short @ 3-5 pages. The practices listed at the end directly address the chapter topic. I found several helpful ideas in the book. The idea that stood out to me was delineation between negative criticism/judgment and discernment. The former is restrictive, the latter expansive. The former is closed-minded, the latter open-minded. Discernment is intelligent assessment combined with creativity and exploration and freedom. Criticisms/judgments, while sometimes true, are a closing down and based in fear. There are many books, stories, and examples - from high-performing, successful, happy, healthy people - that support this idea. Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people” comes to mind. Bob Iger’s “Ride of a lifetime” is another. My own experience has also borne this out. And it challenges the inaccurate belief that one must be both a high-output, high-performing, intelligent person; and a miserable, cynical asshole.
I have two “discernments”. First, the book was too long. Many chapters were repetitive. It would have been more helpful to have multiple practices per chapter with fewer chapters. Second, some of the practices were not useful, such as the meditations. The meditations the author provides have multiple steps and detailed descriptions. Then I am supposed to “close my eyes” to practice them. How am I supposed to follow the meditations if my eyes are closed? I was unable to find audio of these meditations on the interwebs, which one would expect given the directions. These meditation practices may have been targeted to those reading the book in a group.
The book had many helpful chapters and practices. The chapters are short @ 3-5 pages. The practices listed at the end directly address the chapter topic. I found several helpful ideas in the book. The idea that stood out to me was delineation between negative criticism/judgment and discernment. The former is restrictive, the latter expansive. The former is closed-minded, the latter open-minded. Discernment is intelligent assessment combined with creativity and exploration and freedom. Criticisms/judgments, while sometimes true, are a closing down and based in fear. There are many books, stories, and examples - from high-performing, successful, happy, healthy people - that support this idea. Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people” comes to mind. Bob Iger’s “Ride of a lifetime” is another. My own experience has also borne this out. And it challenges the inaccurate belief that one must be both a high-output, high-performing, intelligent person; and a miserable, cynical asshole.
I have two “discernments”. First, the book was too long. Many chapters were repetitive. It would have been more helpful to have multiple practices per chapter with fewer chapters. Second, some of the practices were not useful, such as the meditations. The meditations the author provides have multiple steps and detailed descriptions. Then I am supposed to “close my eyes” to practice them. How am I supposed to follow the meditations if my eyes are closed? I was unable to find audio of these meditations on the interwebs, which one would expect given the directions. These meditation practices may have been targeted to those reading the book in a group.
February 6, 2025
I read this book to further enhance my psychotherapy practice and enjoyed its straightforward but impactful message.
In my recent experience, most psychotherapy/self-help books fall along a philosophical spectrum. On what I'll call the "right" side are those that say to the reader: "Take responsibility for your life!" which, when taken too far, can risk a certain disdain towards self and others. On what I'll call the "left" are those who say "have compassion on yourself, you're only human!" which, when taken too far, can risk a surrender of responsibility. This book falls solidly in the "left" camp, but in a very measured and balanced way. I think it's important to read from both sides to balance oneself, and I've been reading a lot from the "right" lately, and this book can be a good "left" for those who prefer the "right."
The book is a mindfulness coach's reflections on the "inner critic," the tendency of a person to have judgemental or critical thoughts about himself and others. It goes through what the inner critic is, how it shows up, and different ways of dealing with it and thinking about it. The revelation that "all of this is just thoughts" when we are beleaguered with ruminations and self-deprications can be a powerful thing to be reminded of, and fits very well in many psychotherapeutic models such as CBT, DBT, ACT, and positive psychology.
In my recent experience, most psychotherapy/self-help books fall along a philosophical spectrum. On what I'll call the "right" side are those that say to the reader: "Take responsibility for your life!" which, when taken too far, can risk a certain disdain towards self and others. On what I'll call the "left" are those who say "have compassion on yourself, you're only human!" which, when taken too far, can risk a surrender of responsibility. This book falls solidly in the "left" camp, but in a very measured and balanced way. I think it's important to read from both sides to balance oneself, and I've been reading a lot from the "right" lately, and this book can be a good "left" for those who prefer the "right."
The book is a mindfulness coach's reflections on the "inner critic," the tendency of a person to have judgemental or critical thoughts about himself and others. It goes through what the inner critic is, how it shows up, and different ways of dealing with it and thinking about it. The revelation that "all of this is just thoughts" when we are beleaguered with ruminations and self-deprications can be a powerful thing to be reminded of, and fits very well in many psychotherapeutic models such as CBT, DBT, ACT, and positive psychology.
March 29, 2025
It’s perfectly helpful for the concept that it is. If you’ve never dove into mindfulness, meditation or the power of self-compassion and self-talk before then this could be a game changer! The strongest aspects were about reflecting on what your inner critic says about you the most, and actually confronting those opinions. A lot of the time you’ll find you don’t agree with what your mind has concocted about itself, which is the biggest irony of all! Loved the exercises and found them to be practical, some you will align with more than others. I got the most out of the book until about halfway through.
February 8, 2022
An interesting book on the power of the inner critic within us and where that voice comes from. Coleman does a good job of identifying cultural elements that teach us the lie that our inner critic is useful. He then goes through and shows how we can create new neural patterns that allow for more self compassion.
October 22, 2019
Not bad
Was going for something a bit more mindfulness based, but there is a lot of good info here and towards the end some good strategies to help with the critic. With the forward from Tara Beach I thought it would've been more spiritually based. Excellent for beginners!
Was going for something a bit more mindfulness based, but there is a lot of good info here and towards the end some good strategies to help with the critic. With the forward from Tara Beach I thought it would've been more spiritually based. Excellent for beginners!
May 6, 2020
Excellent book on mindfulness and working to eliminate your inner critic (something we all have). Recommend reading through once and then going back and working on the individual meditations and exercises at the end of each chapter.
November 17, 2018
Maybe it's me. But a continual focus on my inner critic became tedious.
January 9, 2020
Full of truth
February 19, 2020
Decent little book. Nothing too revolutionary but a couple of good meditation exercises if nothing else.
June 11, 2020
Good advice for people suffering from an inner critic. Makes you think about your inner critic in a different way.
September 8, 2020
A good starting or resting place on the journey of figuring out how not to hate yourself.
October 24, 2021
It's as good as the review or better if you can absorb the essence of it.
I took some notes in case I forget but the likelihood is, I am likely reading it again.
I took some notes in case I forget but the likelihood is, I am likely reading it again.
March 16, 2022
If you deal with a lot of self-criticism, this is a good book to start calming the inner critic. The author provides clear examples and simple exercises to begin to find peace in your own mind.
February 8, 2026
5-Word Review:
Meditation, mindfulness, self-compassion, introspection, healing
Memorable Quotes
Meditation, mindfulness, self-compassion, introspection, healing
Memorable Quotes
"Mindfulness meditation, I discovered, is a skill that gives you the awareness to see, with focused clarity, what is happening in your mind and body. It gives you the ability to understand and work with all the thoughts and voices in your head. It helps you see what the real roots of suffering are and how to resolve the problems they cause."
"…to navigate life’s inner and outer storms, you need two essential skills: awareness and compassion. They are like the wings of a bird, without which flight is impossible. Awareness comes through practicing mindfulness, which is a way to cultivate attention and insight. Compassion allows you to meet yourself and life with kindness, care, and responsiveness."
"It is the love in our hearts that allows us to be vulnerable enough to recognize the burdens we carry. Love gives us a quiet strength that enables us to keep the critic at bay, hold our pain tenderly, and begin the journey of healing."
"…the habit of judging others and the habit of judging yourself reinforce each other."
"…neurons that fire together wire together has become a foundational scientific principle that allows for inner transformation. If I continue to give negative thoughts attention, then of course they grow in importance. If I stop giving them the time of day, then they have less room to take root and grow."
"Perhaps more important, once something is seen clearly with mindful awareness, it doesn’t have the impact it did before. So as I began to recognize my judging thoughts clearly, it was as if I were seeing them in relief or projected onto a screen, and I could hold them at more of a distance and be less affected by them."
"…loving kindness practice… This practice allows you to retrain your brain, creating new neural pathways conducive to self-kindness rather than self-hatred and self-condemnation."
"Sometimes that feeling of fraudulence comes when you actually get the job. Have you ever felt that if people only knew who you really are, you’d be found out, they’d be disappointed, or you’d be fired on the spot? Whether you are a janitor or CEO, you’re susceptible to this feeling of being a fraud."
"Fortunately, I have learned enough about mindfulness to know it is not about being perfect, but about how you relate to and stay present for each moment’s experience, with a kind, wise attention."
"Begin to remember your gifts, experience, and talent, which stand in direct opposition to the self-doubting thoughts. Since the critic is so pervasive, it’s important to balance its taunts with an objective perspective."
"Failing to feel that sense of innate goodness at the heart of who we are means we lack a strong foundation on which to build a happy, flourishing life."
"Our job is not to chastise and apportion blame for who and what we are. Our work is simply to meet ourselves with a kind, inquisitive attitude and respond to the raw material of what we have to work with in this life."
"What we need is to stay connected with what gives us meaning, purpose, and value. We need to orient ourselves toward all that is possible rather than fixate on the critic’s negative scenarios."
"That’s not to deny the value of working on ourselves. The key is to approach that task not from a perspective of deficiency, but from the perspective of knowing that we have vast potential already within us that is there for the taking if we so choose."
"I find that when I practice gratitude, it warms my heart and makes the world seem more full, textured, multicolored. It allows me to count my blessings and feel a sense of fullness rather than lack."
"The challenging thing about the critic’s attacks is the emotional legacy they leave behind, such as fear and paralysis when it comes to making choices, and a sense of inadequacy."
"Without forgiveness and the ability to acknowledge our own humanness and fallibility, the judge holds us and others to impossibly high moral standards. It can then be quite harsh with all those who do not live up to those standards, including ourselves."
"Mindfulness brings awareness to what you are doing, and with that clarity comes the possibility of choice. You can learn to intercept unhelpful, unwanted habits and cultivate positive ones."
February 18, 2017
A helpful introduction to the topic of "mindfulness" (a bit of a buzzword for the past decade in counseling circles, etc.). The book seems to avoid some of the new-age spirituality and silliness that can sometimes attend this genre of books and might be helpful.
February 2, 2017
Full disclosure... I didn't read this book cover-to-cover. I started to and did the first few chapters. However, I realized it's for someone who really has some issues to work through. That's not me. I'm already happy, at peace with myself, etc. The rest of the book I skimmed through each chapter. It seems like a great book for someone who needs to work issues, especially if they are down on themselves a lot, pessimistic, or fighting internal battles. I can see that it would be very helpful for people.
February 5, 2017
I saw an article that said this was the best mindfulness book of 2016. The article was wrong. Simplistic, and repetitive, this book covers no new ground and the practices are the same that you'll find in any book dealing with mindfulness. You'd do bettter with Goldstein and Kabat Zinn.
May 27, 2021
You are not your thoughts. Cut yourself some slack and learn how to acknowledge and let go of the inner critic through various simple meditations and spoken words. Recommended reading for everyone.
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