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Out: One Christian’s Experience of Leaving the Gay Community
Bob Fife was raised in a small Ontario town by a Christian mother and an unbelieving father. The tensions made for a dysfunctional home and an uneasy life. But nothing prepared Bob for being sexually molested by an older boy he trusted—or what happened in his heart afterward. Out is the story of Bob's descent into homosexual practices and out again. His fascinating journey takes readers from the confusion of his teen years, to his marriage and fatherhood, to his discovery and embrace of the flamboyant Toronto gay scene. He describes abandoning his young family in order to fulfill his same-sex desires, taking him to London, Amsterdam, Berlin, Barcelona, Provincetown, Key West, and San Francisco. Over a decade later, an unexpected visit from his college-aged son caused Bob to confront the consequences of his indulgences and begin to seek change. Today, Bob has been out of his gay lifestyle for over twenty years. He has reconnected with the church, built and maintained healthy, nonsexual relationships, and healed his relationship with his son. For those who want a way to deal with their same-sex attractions, not celebrate them, Bob's story points a way to grace and redemption.
- GenresNonfiction
216 pages, Paperback
Published October 27, 2016
3 people are currently reading
107 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
November 22, 2016
Written with profound honesty, "Out" follows the journey of Bob Fife from his difficult childhood through his teen and young adult years, to decades later where his relationship with Jesus has radically changed who he is. Bob holds no punches as he recounts being sexually molested in his youth, leading him down a road towards homosexuality. Although he did become a Christian in his youth, and was even married to a woman and became a father, he followed his homosexual urgings and abandoned his family to become fully immersed in the gay lifestyle. However, after years of indulging his every want, Bob realized that his lifestyle was not what he - and God - actually wanted, and with God's strength he was able to leave that lifestyle behind.
I greatly enjoyed being able to come to know Bob and his story through the pages of this book. As he warns, some of the sections are painful to read, especially as chooses to leave his wife and his son behind, meaning that he missed out on the best years of his child's life. I can't imagine the pain that this caused his family, and obviously to Bob as well, even though at first he didn't realize the consequences his choices would have. Most amazingly, Bob is able to speak to the truth of what God's Word says - that acting on homosexual feelings has been and always will be contrary to God's plan for our lives. Bob offers a different option, a difficult option to be sure, but one that embraces God's grace and love and truth all at the same time. He shows that walking in close community with other believers, people experiencing homosexual attraction can walk in freedom from living in that lifestyle. I think the book makes a profound point, that you cannot "argue" someone out of homosexuality, but that you can "love them out" by putting the person ahead of the need to be right. Bob's story illustrates how important it is for the church to reach out with love and grace, not compromising the truth, but being willing to walk along side each other for the long haul, no matter the sin we are struggling with.
"Out" is very well written, and I am confident that any Christian would benefit from reading this biography. I award this book 4 out of 5 stars. Book has been provided courtesy of the publisher.
I greatly enjoyed being able to come to know Bob and his story through the pages of this book. As he warns, some of the sections are painful to read, especially as chooses to leave his wife and his son behind, meaning that he missed out on the best years of his child's life. I can't imagine the pain that this caused his family, and obviously to Bob as well, even though at first he didn't realize the consequences his choices would have. Most amazingly, Bob is able to speak to the truth of what God's Word says - that acting on homosexual feelings has been and always will be contrary to God's plan for our lives. Bob offers a different option, a difficult option to be sure, but one that embraces God's grace and love and truth all at the same time. He shows that walking in close community with other believers, people experiencing homosexual attraction can walk in freedom from living in that lifestyle. I think the book makes a profound point, that you cannot "argue" someone out of homosexuality, but that you can "love them out" by putting the person ahead of the need to be right. Bob's story illustrates how important it is for the church to reach out with love and grace, not compromising the truth, but being willing to walk along side each other for the long haul, no matter the sin we are struggling with.
"Out" is very well written, and I am confident that any Christian would benefit from reading this biography. I award this book 4 out of 5 stars. Book has been provided courtesy of the publisher.
November 20, 2020
A very real biography of a man who lived the homosexual life-and came out of it after 20 years. I truly appreciated Fife's honesty in sharing his story and would highly recommend this book to someone who was seeking Christ and sincerely struggling with their homosexuality. I also found this book thought-provoking on the response of the church in regards to not only the gay community but also its response to any who deal with sexual sin.
November 19, 2016
This is a thought provoking story, a true story I may add. The Author is very honest about his feelings and his story will keep the reader interested.
March 7, 2020
A fascinating personal story. Too bad Bob was born into Christianity, perhaps a different God would be more forgiving of his same-sex attractions.
April 25, 2024
This book is an amazing story of how powerfully God works. Bob's story is beautiful and well-written. An eye-opening read.
September 23, 2016
[Note: This book was provided free of charge by Kregel Book Tours in exchange for an honest review.]
I must admit that while I have written before for my own church's ministry to those struggling with same-sex attraction [1], I must admit that I know even less about intimacy as it relates to same-sex partnerships as that between men and women, except insofar as the vast majority of my own experience with sexual intimacy, the vast majority of which occurred while I was mercifully too young to remember it, was of the same sex variety and was quite against my own will and inclination. I feel it necessary to state at the outset that I do not write as an insider to the author's own testimonial about his years of hedonism and pleasure spent among the gay scenes of Toronto and other places but rather as an outsider to such matters who can comment with some empathy on the underlying family dynamics--namely a broken family with abuse problems and an experience as a child with sexual abuse. Those are matters I can and do speak of with a great deal more experience, but even for those who do not have such a background as my own, this book provokes a great deal of compassion and understanding, and the authors manage to follow the genre of the U-shaped testimonial experience with considerable skill, even if it is bound to be a book that makes many readers uncomfortable.
It is likely to the coauthor of this book that we can thank for the fact that this book follows the genre conventions of a testimonial so faithfully. Beginning in media res with an effort made by the author's son to get in touch with him and the author's own reflection that it was too late for him to come to terms with his deceased father, the author then returns to his own stressful and tense family background to deal with the context of his childhood, his early refusal to come to grips with the abuse he suffered and its results on his own identity and understanding of his sexuality, his problems with his "mean girl" sisters and their own attacks on his masculinity, his early marriage, some time spent in a double life before things fell apart, his vagabondish years spent in the flamboyant gay scene of Canada and Europe and Key West, and the call to repentance that came about as a result of his son's desire to reconnect. The author comments about his own coming back to faith, his efforts at helping out an ex-gay ministry, his counseling efforts with others, his own building of friendships and his decision to live celibate. The book only lasts a bit more than 200 pages, but it is certainly a book that includes a great deal of detail about what sort of factors lead people to repent and struggle against their bent and inclination.
Beyond the book's obvious value as far as it relates to the contemporary debate about homosexuality within society, in which this book offers a thoughtful insider's perspective about the relationship of sex and identity within the gay community, something not particularly shared by everyone, there is at least one aspect of this book that is chillingly relevant on a personal level that is worthy of some discussion. Throughout the author's narrative, he comments often about feeling that pursuing partners made him feel like a predator, and that he was especially disinterested in being pursued by either men or women at any point in his life, likely because of the trigger with his own abuse. The author's narrative points out a common issue among many survivors of sexual abuse, and that is the way that one's patterns relating to intimacy are greatly harmed by the long-lasting trauma of that abuse--and for those who are too shy and timid with regards to intimacy to be skilled at finding partners and who are terrified and alarmed when pursued by others, intimacy is an immensely difficult experience, especially when someone has such a deep longing for it. This book gives voice to the turmoil of those who seek to live in the Spirit and to comfort and encourage others despite their own scars and battle wounds, and as such is a worthy book for those Christians who look with compassion on the struggles of their brethren.
[1] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
I must admit that while I have written before for my own church's ministry to those struggling with same-sex attraction [1], I must admit that I know even less about intimacy as it relates to same-sex partnerships as that between men and women, except insofar as the vast majority of my own experience with sexual intimacy, the vast majority of which occurred while I was mercifully too young to remember it, was of the same sex variety and was quite against my own will and inclination. I feel it necessary to state at the outset that I do not write as an insider to the author's own testimonial about his years of hedonism and pleasure spent among the gay scenes of Toronto and other places but rather as an outsider to such matters who can comment with some empathy on the underlying family dynamics--namely a broken family with abuse problems and an experience as a child with sexual abuse. Those are matters I can and do speak of with a great deal more experience, but even for those who do not have such a background as my own, this book provokes a great deal of compassion and understanding, and the authors manage to follow the genre of the U-shaped testimonial experience with considerable skill, even if it is bound to be a book that makes many readers uncomfortable.
It is likely to the coauthor of this book that we can thank for the fact that this book follows the genre conventions of a testimonial so faithfully. Beginning in media res with an effort made by the author's son to get in touch with him and the author's own reflection that it was too late for him to come to terms with his deceased father, the author then returns to his own stressful and tense family background to deal with the context of his childhood, his early refusal to come to grips with the abuse he suffered and its results on his own identity and understanding of his sexuality, his problems with his "mean girl" sisters and their own attacks on his masculinity, his early marriage, some time spent in a double life before things fell apart, his vagabondish years spent in the flamboyant gay scene of Canada and Europe and Key West, and the call to repentance that came about as a result of his son's desire to reconnect. The author comments about his own coming back to faith, his efforts at helping out an ex-gay ministry, his counseling efforts with others, his own building of friendships and his decision to live celibate. The book only lasts a bit more than 200 pages, but it is certainly a book that includes a great deal of detail about what sort of factors lead people to repent and struggle against their bent and inclination.
Beyond the book's obvious value as far as it relates to the contemporary debate about homosexuality within society, in which this book offers a thoughtful insider's perspective about the relationship of sex and identity within the gay community, something not particularly shared by everyone, there is at least one aspect of this book that is chillingly relevant on a personal level that is worthy of some discussion. Throughout the author's narrative, he comments often about feeling that pursuing partners made him feel like a predator, and that he was especially disinterested in being pursued by either men or women at any point in his life, likely because of the trigger with his own abuse. The author's narrative points out a common issue among many survivors of sexual abuse, and that is the way that one's patterns relating to intimacy are greatly harmed by the long-lasting trauma of that abuse--and for those who are too shy and timid with regards to intimacy to be skilled at finding partners and who are terrified and alarmed when pursued by others, intimacy is an immensely difficult experience, especially when someone has such a deep longing for it. This book gives voice to the turmoil of those who seek to live in the Spirit and to comfort and encourage others despite their own scars and battle wounds, and as such is a worthy book for those Christians who look with compassion on the struggles of their brethren.
[1] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
November 20, 2016
Fife was in the gay community for two decades and then came out. He tells his story here.
Fife had a troubled childhood. His mom had been tricked into marrying a man she did not love. He turned out to be a man who beat his wife and kids and seduced other women, leaving “a wake of insecurity as he roared through the lives of his children.” (26)
As a twelve year old, Fife was fondled by an older teen. Surprised but liking the feeling, he continued to experiment midst sexual confusion. He met a young woman at a Bible study and they eventually married. He continued to struggle with his feelings, finally seeking out a gay community. He lived a life obsessed with sex, losing his wife, son and job in the process.
Fife spends quite some time taking readers through his gay experiences. He connected with his son after nearly a decade. A decade after that Fife realized he needed to get out of the gay scene. He reconnected with God, got support from groups and individuals, and began changing his behavior. He explains how he reoriented his life from adoring sexual experience to worshiping God. He writes of the combination of being a “new creation” in Christ and the “putting off” of the old self.
I appreciate the insights and lessons Fife offers from his experience. I was particularly struck by his insight into parenting. In a conversation he had with his mother he voiced that he had not felt that his mother loved him. She had countered that of course she did and showed it by working hard to support the family. He said with insight that children do not understand that kind of evidence of love. They need hugs and cuddles. Another insight was regarding ministry to gays. The strategy needs to be getting the focus on Jesus and away from the sin.
Fife has looked back over his life and has seen how God can redeem all aspects of a person's life, even the very dark places. He feels his life is a testimony of God's unfailing love and grace. He does not expect this book to be a blueprint for others. He believes his life is merely an example of what can happen when God is invited in and lives are surrendered to Him.
I recommend this book to those who are interested in understanding the thoughts and desires of those drawn to the gay community. It is also good for those interested in helping community members desiring to leave. I did feel Fife spent too much time describing his life in the gay community. Other than that, it is a very useful book.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.
Fife had a troubled childhood. His mom had been tricked into marrying a man she did not love. He turned out to be a man who beat his wife and kids and seduced other women, leaving “a wake of insecurity as he roared through the lives of his children.” (26)
As a twelve year old, Fife was fondled by an older teen. Surprised but liking the feeling, he continued to experiment midst sexual confusion. He met a young woman at a Bible study and they eventually married. He continued to struggle with his feelings, finally seeking out a gay community. He lived a life obsessed with sex, losing his wife, son and job in the process.
Fife spends quite some time taking readers through his gay experiences. He connected with his son after nearly a decade. A decade after that Fife realized he needed to get out of the gay scene. He reconnected with God, got support from groups and individuals, and began changing his behavior. He explains how he reoriented his life from adoring sexual experience to worshiping God. He writes of the combination of being a “new creation” in Christ and the “putting off” of the old self.
I appreciate the insights and lessons Fife offers from his experience. I was particularly struck by his insight into parenting. In a conversation he had with his mother he voiced that he had not felt that his mother loved him. She had countered that of course she did and showed it by working hard to support the family. He said with insight that children do not understand that kind of evidence of love. They need hugs and cuddles. Another insight was regarding ministry to gays. The strategy needs to be getting the focus on Jesus and away from the sin.
Fife has looked back over his life and has seen how God can redeem all aspects of a person's life, even the very dark places. He feels his life is a testimony of God's unfailing love and grace. He does not expect this book to be a blueprint for others. He believes his life is merely an example of what can happen when God is invited in and lives are surrendered to Him.
I recommend this book to those who are interested in understanding the thoughts and desires of those drawn to the gay community. It is also good for those interested in helping community members desiring to leave. I did feel Fife spent too much time describing his life in the gay community. Other than that, it is a very useful book.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.
December 10, 2016
Wow…this was a book I couldn’t walk away from. Part of it was because of the life Bob was living and I had to see his way out and I wanted to get there quickly.
This book will offer so much hope to those who truly want to find away out of the gay lifestyle.
However, this book can offer hope to anyone who struggles with any type of sin. Things Bob said in this book are the same things I had to deal with in my own life in overcoming abuse and lust. It’s interesting how really every sin is linked but can manifest itself in different ways.
Bob talks about the hole in his heart that he was trying to fill, about his thoughts following ruts and how he needed to make new paths. I just wanted to shout how I had to do that too even though I never had to deal with same-sex attraction I had to deal with lust for other men.
He does say up front that there will be parts that are difficult to read and it’s true. As someone who was abused reading about his abuse really bothered me and reading about his choices in choosing sin bothered me as well. But I wanted to fully understand his story so I didn’t skip a word.
I really believe anyone who deals with a sin that has them in chains can benefit from this book. So powerful is the work of God. He is good.
I think we also all need to cover Bob with prayer as the enemy hates that he wrote this book that speaks truth and is so timely as we are hearing so many lies and many Christians are even swallowing these lies. The enemy will try to attack Bob because of it this book. If you would just take a moment to pray from him I am sure it will have eternal effects.
A copy of this book was given to me by the publisher. All opinions are my own.
This book will offer so much hope to those who truly want to find away out of the gay lifestyle.
However, this book can offer hope to anyone who struggles with any type of sin. Things Bob said in this book are the same things I had to deal with in my own life in overcoming abuse and lust. It’s interesting how really every sin is linked but can manifest itself in different ways.
Bob talks about the hole in his heart that he was trying to fill, about his thoughts following ruts and how he needed to make new paths. I just wanted to shout how I had to do that too even though I never had to deal with same-sex attraction I had to deal with lust for other men.
He does say up front that there will be parts that are difficult to read and it’s true. As someone who was abused reading about his abuse really bothered me and reading about his choices in choosing sin bothered me as well. But I wanted to fully understand his story so I didn’t skip a word.
I really believe anyone who deals with a sin that has them in chains can benefit from this book. So powerful is the work of God. He is good.
I think we also all need to cover Bob with prayer as the enemy hates that he wrote this book that speaks truth and is so timely as we are hearing so many lies and many Christians are even swallowing these lies. The enemy will try to attack Bob because of it this book. If you would just take a moment to pray from him I am sure it will have eternal effects.
A copy of this book was given to me by the publisher. All opinions are my own.
November 25, 2016
There are a lot more books around today about homosexuality from a Christian standpoint, than there were when I first started reading them. Since the issue is different in so many people, no book is alike, and not everyone's experiences are the same.
The author of this book led a very promiscuous sexual lifestyle, which is sadly not the exception to the rule for most gay men, but it is also not indicative of every gay male.
There are various theories on what causes and/or triggers same-sex attractions, and Bob Fife went through some of those things that many people believe help in that regard. He starts his story when he was a young boy, and takes it up to the present. He isn't graphic, but he is totally honest and open about what his life was like living as a gay male in the gay community.
It is an interesting read. As a guy who deals with the same issue, most of what I read wasn't new to me, yet it is always interesting to read another person's story and perspective. For anyone dealing with same-sex attractions on any level, this book offers hope that God can deliver and is sufficient. For people who do not deal with same-sex attractions, it is a fascinating look into the life of a man who lived for his sexual desires for years, yet was saved from it by a loving God.
I personally thought the book was written in a slightly disjointed style, but not so much that it was difficult to read. It was an easy, interesting, and very encouraging read that I highly recommend.
I was given a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
The author of this book led a very promiscuous sexual lifestyle, which is sadly not the exception to the rule for most gay men, but it is also not indicative of every gay male.
There are various theories on what causes and/or triggers same-sex attractions, and Bob Fife went through some of those things that many people believe help in that regard. He starts his story when he was a young boy, and takes it up to the present. He isn't graphic, but he is totally honest and open about what his life was like living as a gay male in the gay community.
It is an interesting read. As a guy who deals with the same issue, most of what I read wasn't new to me, yet it is always interesting to read another person's story and perspective. For anyone dealing with same-sex attractions on any level, this book offers hope that God can deliver and is sufficient. For people who do not deal with same-sex attractions, it is a fascinating look into the life of a man who lived for his sexual desires for years, yet was saved from it by a loving God.
I personally thought the book was written in a slightly disjointed style, but not so much that it was difficult to read. It was an easy, interesting, and very encouraging read that I highly recommend.
I was given a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews