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The Twelve Terrors of Christmas
Edward Gorey's off-kilter depictions of Yuletide mayhem and John Updike's wryly jaundiced text examine a dozen Christmas traditions with a decidedly wheezy ho-ho-ho. This long out-of-print classic is the perfect stocking-stuffer for any bah humbug.
32 pages, Hardcover
First published May 1, 1994
3 people are currently reading
4489 people want to read
About the author
John Updike
861 books2,425 followersJohn Hoyer Updike was an American writer. Updike's most famous work is his Rabbit series (Rabbit, Run; Rabbit Redux; Rabbit Is Rich; Rabbit At Rest; and Rabbit Remembered). Rabbit is Rich and Rabbit at Rest both won Pulitzer Prizes for Updike. Describing his subject as "the American small town, Protestant middle class," Updike is well known for his careful craftsmanship and prolific writing, having published 22 novels and more than a dozen short story collections as well as poetry, literary criticism and children's books. Hundreds of his stories, reviews, and poems have appeared in The New Yorker since the 1950s. His works often explore sex, faith, and death, and their inter-relationships.
He died of lung cancer at age 76.
He died of lung cancer at age 76.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 174 reviews
December 23, 2024
Merry Christmas, or rather, happy twelve days of Christmas, or rather, unhappy days of Christmas, my Goodreads friends!
Imagine what I find in my Christmas stocking but a lump of coal in the form of a tiny book written by John Updike and illustrated by Edward Gorey, inviting the Scrooge in my (that would be me) and every family to help us view the truly dark side of Christmas.
One review where you can see some of the real highlight, Gorey's drawings:
https://tygertale.com/2012/12/12/dece...
A few excerpts of Updike's (faux) Grinchy humor:
Santa, the Man: "if he's such a big shot, why is he drawing unemployment eleven months of the year?"
Santa, the concept: "A man of no plausible address, with no apparent source for his considerable wealth, comes down the chimney after midnight while decent, law-abiding citizens are snug in their beds--is this not, at the least, cause for alarm?"
Reindeer: "Fur possibly laden with disease-bearing ticks." And on your roof!
Carols: "They boom and chime from the vaulted ceilings of supermarkets and scout malls--and yet the spirits keep sinking."
Fear of not giving enough: "Leads to dizziness in shopping malls. . ."
Fear of Not Receiving Enough: "Three dull neckties and a pair of flannel-lined work gloves--is this how they really see you?"
Okay, the writing is not quite Gorey-edgy enough for me, but you get the point, and can make your own list of twelve signs of unhappiness, I am sure.
Imagine what I find in my Christmas stocking but a lump of coal in the form of a tiny book written by John Updike and illustrated by Edward Gorey, inviting the Scrooge in my (that would be me) and every family to help us view the truly dark side of Christmas.
One review where you can see some of the real highlight, Gorey's drawings:
https://tygertale.com/2012/12/12/dece...
A few excerpts of Updike's (faux) Grinchy humor:
Santa, the Man: "if he's such a big shot, why is he drawing unemployment eleven months of the year?"
Santa, the concept: "A man of no plausible address, with no apparent source for his considerable wealth, comes down the chimney after midnight while decent, law-abiding citizens are snug in their beds--is this not, at the least, cause for alarm?"
Reindeer: "Fur possibly laden with disease-bearing ticks." And on your roof!
Carols: "They boom and chime from the vaulted ceilings of supermarkets and scout malls--and yet the spirits keep sinking."
Fear of not giving enough: "Leads to dizziness in shopping malls. . ."
Fear of Not Receiving Enough: "Three dull neckties and a pair of flannel-lined work gloves--is this how they really see you?"
Okay, the writing is not quite Gorey-edgy enough for me, but you get the point, and can make your own list of twelve signs of unhappiness, I am sure.
December 23, 2019
Call me Scrooge but I found this little (and it's tiny) book disjointed and disappointing. I was hoping it would be a great little gift but I wouldn't gift it. Gorey's illustrations are always awesome although this is not his best work. As for Updike, the twelve pages vary in quality. Some are much more clever than others. Of Santa he says, "Something scary and off-key about him, like one of those Stephen King clowns." I wish all the prose was this good! It is nostalgic in the sense that it was written before commerce was permitted on the internet so all shopping is done in person at stores. But I wouldn't gift it. Since it seesaws from one to five stars so I gave three.
December 21, 2015
Aaaaaa! So much to fear!
From the tree -
At night, you can hear it rustling and slurping water out of the bucket.
To the big man himself -
If he's such a big shot, why is he drawing unemployment for eleven months of the year?
Not to mention those sinister elves, tick-covered reindeer, shopping for, giving, receiving and returning gifts - the torture never stops!
Though Updike has never been funnier, the absolute highlight of this little gift book is Gorey's art. His people, creepy and green in the gills -
with dark circles under their eyes and their pained, worried expressions . . .
Could there be a better illustration for the agony that is Christmas?
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
From the tree -
At night, you can hear it rustling and slurping water out of the bucket.
To the big man himself -
If he's such a big shot, why is he drawing unemployment for eleven months of the year?
Not to mention those sinister elves, tick-covered reindeer, shopping for, giving, receiving and returning gifts - the torture never stops!
Though Updike has never been funnier, the absolute highlight of this little gift book is Gorey's art. His people, creepy and green in the gills -
with dark circles under their eyes and their pained, worried expressions . . .
Could there be a better illustration for the agony that is Christmas?
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
June 13, 2019
The weather has started to turn here in the UK, it is June and people are starting to put the heating back on so it must be nearly Christmas, right?
This book is wonderful, it captures all the cynicism that anybody might have about christmas, like Santa being as scary as a character from a Stephen King novel. Those creepy little elves willing to work in dire conditions in one of the coldest places on Earth, what is their game? Mt favourite part is the ending about The Carols:
What were our favourites?
Tum-de-tum-tum,
angels on high,
something something,
sky.
I love this book, something that needs to be read every year as the family sits around the remains of a burning christmas tree.
This book is wonderful, it captures all the cynicism that anybody might have about christmas, like Santa being as scary as a character from a Stephen King novel. Those creepy little elves willing to work in dire conditions in one of the coldest places on Earth, what is their game? Mt favourite part is the ending about The Carols:
What were our favourites?
Tum-de-tum-tum,
angels on high,
something something,
sky.
I love this book, something that needs to be read every year as the family sits around the remains of a burning christmas tree.
December 15, 2019
My type of Christmas. Bah Humbug!!!
August 23, 2019
uma leitura rápida e engraçada pra quem gosta de Halloween e Natal :)
December 6, 2020
If Christmas is not your thing, if shopping for presents in overcrowded, sweaty, carol-blasting malls fills you with dread and you long for Halloween - this book is for you. Merry Crisis!
December 26, 2011
A fan of Gashleycrumb Tinies and Amphigorey, I thought I would enjoy this book more. I appreciated the illustrations, in typical Gorey fashion, and the dark and cynical commentary on the holiday season, but the prose was a little too dry. A cute addition to my unique and skewed collection of Christmas paraphernalia nonetheless.
December 20, 2019
(3.5 stars)
Die Hard
(1988),
Gremlins
(1984),
Silent Night, Deadly Night
(1984),
Black Christmas
(1974)... If you think any of these are just as acceptable Christmas entertainment as the more traditional ones, then maybe Updike's cynical (and often reasonable) musings and Gorey's creepy drawings about the different side of this holiday is for you. Whether you're wondering why Santa Claus is allowed to break in, or you hate the incessant push of trying to make people buy piles of more stuff, it's likely that everyone can relate to one or two thoughts.
The Twelve Terrors of Christmas is the tick in Rudolph's fur, the deadly icicle falling from a roof, the screaming ill-behaving spoiled kid at the department store, and the endless dark winter. Retro Christmas songs will sound even better after reading it. Bring it on, Bing Crosby and fuzzy Christmas socks!
The Twelve Terrors of Christmas is the tick in Rudolph's fur, the deadly icicle falling from a roof, the screaming ill-behaving spoiled kid at the department store, and the endless dark winter. Retro Christmas songs will sound even better after reading it. Bring it on, Bing Crosby and fuzzy Christmas socks!
"THE DARK: Oh, how early it comes now! How creepy and green in the gills everyone looks, scrabbling along in drab winter wraps by the phosphorous light of department store windows full of Styrofoam snow."
January 5, 2016
I always knew that Santa was a fat lazy drunk. Don't trust that man in your house....
Started off terrifying and ended up snoozy. Consumerism at its blahest. (Not actually a word)....
Edward Gorey will always be the master of weird horror. This is a poor example of his work and it saddens me......
Started off terrifying and ended up snoozy. Consumerism at its blahest. (Not actually a word)....
Edward Gorey will always be the master of weird horror. This is a poor example of his work and it saddens me......
Read
February 9, 2017Gorey's illustrations would make terrific wrapping paper for gift giving to the Xmas Scrooges and curmudgeons on anyone's list --failing that give them this tiny treasure - Updike's text is upstaged a bit by Gorey's work but that's ok it's still a treat for the eyes ;)
August 25, 2021
I really love Edward Gorey's style, and that's main reason why I am giving this a 4 star rating. Otherwise, I'd only give it a 3 star rating. The text/prose was decent and made me smirk at times, but overall this little book was very short and could have been better.
January 2, 2023
Probably need to read this every year. The illustrations by Edward Gorey are an added treat.
January 14, 2025
Twelve single-page wry observations about the (non-terrifying) absurdities of Christmas.
It's fine. I'd expected--and hoped for--much Gorey-er.
--------------------------------------------
Santa The Man
If he's such a big shot, why is he drawing unemployment for eleven months of the year?
Santa The Concept
Why would anybody halfway normal want to live at the North Pole on a bunch of shifting ice floes?
O Tannenbaum
At night you can hear it rustling and slurping water out of the bucket.
Tiny Reindeer
Fur possibly laden with disease-bearing ticks.
The Carols
Tum-de-tum-tum, angels on high, something something, sky.
The Specials
Was Charlie Brown's voice always so plaintive and grating?
Fear of Not Receiving Enough
Three dull neckties and a pair of flannel-lined work gloves--is this really how they see you?
The Dark
Is this Hell, or just an upturn in consumer confidence?
It's fine. I'd expected--and hoped for--much Gorey-er.
--------------------------------------------
Santa The Man
If he's such a big shot, why is he drawing unemployment for eleven months of the year?
Santa The Concept
Why would anybody halfway normal want to live at the North Pole on a bunch of shifting ice floes?
O Tannenbaum
At night you can hear it rustling and slurping water out of the bucket.
Tiny Reindeer
Fur possibly laden with disease-bearing ticks.
The Carols
Tum-de-tum-tum, angels on high, something something, sky.
The Specials
Was Charlie Brown's voice always so plaintive and grating?
Fear of Not Receiving Enough
Three dull neckties and a pair of flannel-lined work gloves--is this really how they see you?
The Dark
Is this Hell, or just an upturn in consumer confidence?
December 8, 2025
Very silly take on the commercial trappings of the holiday season. From gift-giving to gift-returning, John Updike covers all the holiday trappings that we succumb to. Filled with Edward Gorey's amazing art--I loved it!
February 3, 2017
Un piccolo e bellissimo Updike pubblicato anni fa da una piccola e bellissima casa editrice, che sapeva tirare fuori dal cilindro testi da leggere e collezionare uno dopo l'altro. Dodici brevi componimenti, ognuno illustrato dai disegni divertenti e sinistri di Edward Gorey, in cui John Updike ribalta ogni singolo aspetto del Natale, capovolgendolo in un'ottica da incubo che mette in luce tutte le inquietudini e le contraddizioni di una festa forse meno luminosa e gioiosa, in profondità, di quanto non sembri in superficie.
Del Natale, Updike non salva niente. Dall'albero, un organismo minaccioso e strisciante che prende possesso del salotto e "di notte, è possibile sentirlo mentre fruscia e ingurgita acqua dal sottovaso" alle renne della slitta di Santa ("Zoccoli che tagliano i tetti come coltelli nel burro... Il manto infestato di zecche, note portatrici di malattie"). Tutte le immagini più liete e festose che siamo soliti associare al Natale vengono rovesciate, spogliate del loro vestito di lustrini e mostrate per quello che forse sono realmente: qualcosa di ambiguo, oscuro, ingannevole, probabilmente pericoloso, sicuramente straniante nella surrealtà indecifrabile che ne circonda ogni aspetto.
Da leggere se anche voi, quando si avvicina il Natale, cominciate a sudare sudori freddi.
Del Natale, Updike non salva niente. Dall'albero, un organismo minaccioso e strisciante che prende possesso del salotto e "di notte, è possibile sentirlo mentre fruscia e ingurgita acqua dal sottovaso" alle renne della slitta di Santa ("Zoccoli che tagliano i tetti come coltelli nel burro... Il manto infestato di zecche, note portatrici di malattie"). Tutte le immagini più liete e festose che siamo soliti associare al Natale vengono rovesciate, spogliate del loro vestito di lustrini e mostrate per quello che forse sono realmente: qualcosa di ambiguo, oscuro, ingannevole, probabilmente pericoloso, sicuramente straniante nella surrealtà indecifrabile che ne circonda ogni aspetto.
Da leggere se anche voi, quando si avvicina il Natale, cominciate a sudare sudori freddi.
May 21, 2011
A tiny book with tiny comments on Christmas and all the stress it usually brings. I was hoping to be delighted with this little book, but it was pretty boring. The illustrations (Edward Gorey) didn't really enhance the words. My son seemed to like it though.
April 16, 2020
I swear my tree does drink water in the middle of the night. This is strange because it is a fake tree. Have doubts about the holiday season? You should read this. And Updike nails the bits about presents.
Update - students enjoyed this one
Update - students enjoyed this one
December 25, 2011
Nice little stocking stuffer for the anti-Xmas element in your family.
November 8, 2023
Meh. Updike has done better. Gorey's illustrations are fun, but they'd be livelier, I think, with more inspiring writing attached.
October 28, 2016
A simple story with great artwork.
December 16, 2018
Un famoso premio Pulitzer si è unito con un altrettanto famoso premio Tony Award ed insieme hanno creato un delizioso libriccino irriverente che ci spiega i lati peggiori del Natale, in dodici piccoli quadretti con didascalia:
1. Babbo Natale è inquietante tanto quanto il famoso pagliaccio di It.
2. Ma Babbo Natale come fa ad essere così ricco da poter donare regali anche ai tanti bambini cattivi ?
3. E vogliamo parlare degli sfruttati elfi, costretti a lavorare in un luogo così gelido ed inospitale come il Polo Nord ?
4. Avete mai notato che le palle colorate degli alberi di Natale assomigliano a tante piccole bombe a mano ?
5. Ricordatevi che le renne sono portatrici di zecche e malattie !
6. Non trovate sinistro lo sfarfallio delle luminarie appese alle grondaie incrostate di ghiaccio, nell’aria cupa e grigia della notte ?
7. Come sopportare le colonne sonore natalizie che ci bombardano nei supermercati ?
8. In tv, a Natale trasmettono sempre le solite cose… come il film “Una poltrona per due” ;-)
9. Ansia da regali, da comprare sepolti in mezzo alla calca dei grandi magazzini…
10. Ansia da regali, perché ogni Natale ci regalano solo cravatte smorte e guanti da lavoro in flanella ?
11. Per non parlare poi se siamo costretti a sostituire i regali perché abbiamo comprato una misura sbagliata :-(
12. E infine, cala il sipario sulla follia consumistica natalizia.
1. Babbo Natale è inquietante tanto quanto il famoso pagliaccio di It.
2. Ma Babbo Natale come fa ad essere così ricco da poter donare regali anche ai tanti bambini cattivi ?
3. E vogliamo parlare degli sfruttati elfi, costretti a lavorare in un luogo così gelido ed inospitale come il Polo Nord ?
4. Avete mai notato che le palle colorate degli alberi di Natale assomigliano a tante piccole bombe a mano ?
5. Ricordatevi che le renne sono portatrici di zecche e malattie !
6. Non trovate sinistro lo sfarfallio delle luminarie appese alle grondaie incrostate di ghiaccio, nell’aria cupa e grigia della notte ?
7. Come sopportare le colonne sonore natalizie che ci bombardano nei supermercati ?
8. In tv, a Natale trasmettono sempre le solite cose… come il film “Una poltrona per due” ;-)
9. Ansia da regali, da comprare sepolti in mezzo alla calca dei grandi magazzini…
10. Ansia da regali, perché ogni Natale ci regalano solo cravatte smorte e guanti da lavoro in flanella ?
11. Per non parlare poi se siamo costretti a sostituire i regali perché abbiamo comprato una misura sbagliata :-(
12. E infine, cala il sipario sulla follia consumistica natalizia.
December 26, 2019
Hace unos minutos recordé que un columnista de Penumbria (Armando, aka Uggla) recomendó este librillo hace un año (y amablemente compartió el enlace para poder leerlo en línea). Así que, siendo muy fan de Gorey, le hinqué el colmillo... pero me resultó agridulce. Sí, las ilustraciones de Gorey están increíbles como siempre, pero los textos de Updike, a pesar de que amo el humor negro, no me dijeron nada. Ni microficciones ni viñetas ni poemas... sólo breves reflexiones ácidas sobre la temporada navideña que parecen las simplonas rabietas de cualquier tuitero.
December 15, 2024
Mix of conceptual terrors (not giving enough) and physical dangers (electrocution).
When discussing Santa: "There is a point where altruism becomes sick."
A brief, downbeat, humorous takedown of modern Christmas, circa 1993.
When discussing Santa: "There is a point where altruism becomes sick."
A brief, downbeat, humorous takedown of modern Christmas, circa 1993.
December 8, 2022
A good holiday chuckle in the vein of Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris
November 26, 2024
The best tiny Christmas book! Perfect for this year! I loved it!
December 4, 2024
I had a couple laughs.
December 26, 2024
Perfect for Christmas grinches 💚
December 29, 2022
Amusing little Christmas book, with illustrations by Edward Gorey
January 4, 2020
While I cherish and adore Edward Gorey's art, this was an odd book written by John Updike and illustrated by Edward Gorey (who is the reason I own it in the first place).
Displaying 1 - 30 of 174 reviews