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Want Me
Joel Beckett is blessed. He's popular with the ladies, a star on the football field, and worshiped by everyone on campus. Including Walker Cain.
Only Walker's worship has crossed the line, driving him to invoke ancient magic that binds them together in an inescapable downward spiral. Now reality is shifting, and with each new life Joel is forced to watch Walker steal away another of the blessings he'd always taken for granted.
It's never enough. Cursed blood runs hot, and with every turn of the spiral, Walker breathes the seductive words that Joel can't resist. The words that could drag them both into hell.
"Want me."
Only Walker's worship has crossed the line, driving him to invoke ancient magic that binds them together in an inescapable downward spiral. Now reality is shifting, and with each new life Joel is forced to watch Walker steal away another of the blessings he'd always taken for granted.
It's never enough. Cursed blood runs hot, and with every turn of the spiral, Walker breathes the seductive words that Joel can't resist. The words that could drag them both into hell.
"Want me."
200 pages, Paperback
First published February 15, 2008
10 people are currently reading
787 people want to read
About the author
Rowan McBride
13 books261 followersBorn an Air Force dependent, Rowan McBride traveled the world and totally missed the 80’s as most Americans know it. In exchange, xe’s gotten to walk in clogs, break an arm at Mt. Fuji, and say prayers at a Korean Buddhist temple. So far it seems like a fair trade. Although xe graduated from high school in Hawaii, xe didn’t learn to hula and make leis until going to college in Iowa. After leaving the Midwest, xe moved to Washington, DC and very nearly got xemself a Juris Doctor degree. Now xe’s chilling out in Texas, diabolically planning road trips that could span years.
People say xyr life is random, and that’s probably true. Rowan comforts xemself with the working theory that a random life makes for good stories. When that doesn’t work, there’s Pocky. Lots and lots of Pocky.
People say xyr life is random, and that’s probably true. Rowan comforts xemself with the working theory that a random life makes for good stories. When that doesn’t work, there’s Pocky. Lots and lots of Pocky.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews
April 25, 2014
"It's very...unique." There seems to be some consensus among those who have read Want Me. And I wholeheartedly agree. This book IS unique. It's also crazily weird, hilarious, creepy, and, as the story unfolds, an intense psychological experiment that may bring tears to your eyes.
So what on earth should you expect?
Firstly, meet jock "I am God" Joel. You know the type. He's the star of the football team. He indulges in his own muscle-mass and his height alone is his free ticket into the pants of all the pretty ladies. There's, basically, really no need for him to bother with things like trying to be witty, understanding or just brainy in general. Everyone either wants to be Joel, or wants to be with Joel.
Which is also why his roommate Walker's lustful, secret glances hardly register with him. It's only to be expected of the scrawny, freaky kid, right? What Joel doesn't know, is that his geeky roommate is not only completely and obsessively in love with him, he has as a trick up his sleeve as well. Or actually; a spell. One that makes Joel want him. Regardless of the fact that Joel's straight. And regardless of potential serious side effects to the spell. For instance, maybe it will throw both guys into an inescapable downward spiral, in which one alternate reality is swapped for an even more extreme one. It's hardly a spoiler that all goes terribly wrong. The spell creates some kind of transference between them and allows Walker to - unwillingly? - parasite on Joel, every time they have spell-invoked sex.
"Bastard!" I struggled against him, and his arms barely flexed as he kept my wrists in place. "You're getting off on this. Watching me get smaller, lose my life, bit by bit. And all the time, you suck it all inside you!"
While Walker seems to revel in his new powerful body, Joel weakens and shrinks. No longer the biggest shark in the sea, life now dares to sucker punch him. His enemies crawl out of their hiding places and his former conquests now fuck his friends. Surprisingly enough, Joel turns out to be more resilient than you'd expect of a self-centered prick. It's touching to read how he desperately tries to adapt and cling onto shreds and pieces of happiness. At the same time, Walker's ambition never wavers. He wants Joel, unconditionally. And seemingly despite the consequences.
"I'm my own man." A low, husky chuckle swirled around me. "No, you're not. You're mine." My eyes snapped open, and I glanced up, trembling so hard that my teeth chattered. "W-Walker."
"You're so strong, Joel. This spell is more potent every time I invoke it. I can feel the power growing inside me." he smiled as he walked closer. "Yet here you are, sitting out in the freezing cold, resisting."
"Stay away from me."
"I can't." He straddled the bench beside me, then grasped my knees to turn my body and hook my legs over his thighs. "You should know that by now."
But ultimately, as the downward spiral mercilessly spurs them on, their lives are at stake. How can they break the spell? What has redemption to do with anything? And will Joel ever be his own man again? Or will he cease to exist altogether....
Think you've read it all by now? Do you crave something different, a creative, slightly creepy read perhaps? Then you might want to give Want Me a go! After a somewhat bumpy start - I personally didn't know whether I should let the crazy wash over me and just have fun or be disturbed by the scary concept - the book captivated me around the 1/3 mark. Rowan McBride is a true storyteller: the prose is effective rather than beautiful, making Want Me a fast read. I must admit that I had braced myself for horror. No wonder, with a blurb like this! But although the atmosphere was plenty creepy, this book was a lot less dark than I had anticipated. For example, McBride glosses over the more appalling aspects of the growing and shrinking process (the sex folks! I've never been this relieved about sex scenes fading to black!). Instead, Want Me may leave you pondering about the impact of the cards you're dealt in life, and the choices you make based on them.
Finally, a note for the HEA lovers out there: the revised version of Want Me was published only last month. It includes not only an extra chapter, but a bonus in the form of an alternative HEA ending (McBride really is into alternatives, be it lives or endings, ha!). The original version didn't come with a HEA ending. I would've been perfectly fine with it staying that way, since I think it contrasts with the story as a whole. However, McBride's beta readers got their sweet, sweet way. So this revised version now has two(!) HEA's to chose from.
I told you not to let the book's dark appearance scare you away!;)
So what on earth should you expect?
Firstly, meet jock "I am God" Joel. You know the type. He's the star of the football team. He indulges in his own muscle-mass and his height alone is his free ticket into the pants of all the pretty ladies. There's, basically, really no need for him to bother with things like trying to be witty, understanding or just brainy in general. Everyone either wants to be Joel, or wants to be with Joel.
Which is also why his roommate Walker's lustful, secret glances hardly register with him. It's only to be expected of the scrawny, freaky kid, right? What Joel doesn't know, is that his geeky roommate is not only completely and obsessively in love with him, he has as a trick up his sleeve as well. Or actually; a spell. One that makes Joel want him. Regardless of the fact that Joel's straight. And regardless of potential serious side effects to the spell. For instance, maybe it will throw both guys into an inescapable downward spiral, in which one alternate reality is swapped for an even more extreme one. It's hardly a spoiler that all goes terribly wrong. The spell creates some kind of transference between them and allows Walker to - unwillingly? - parasite on Joel, every time they have spell-invoked sex.
"Bastard!" I struggled against him, and his arms barely flexed as he kept my wrists in place. "You're getting off on this. Watching me get smaller, lose my life, bit by bit. And all the time, you suck it all inside you!"
While Walker seems to revel in his new powerful body, Joel weakens and shrinks. No longer the biggest shark in the sea, life now dares to sucker punch him. His enemies crawl out of their hiding places and his former conquests now fuck his friends. Surprisingly enough, Joel turns out to be more resilient than you'd expect of a self-centered prick. It's touching to read how he desperately tries to adapt and cling onto shreds and pieces of happiness. At the same time, Walker's ambition never wavers. He wants Joel, unconditionally. And seemingly despite the consequences.
"I'm my own man." A low, husky chuckle swirled around me. "No, you're not. You're mine." My eyes snapped open, and I glanced up, trembling so hard that my teeth chattered. "W-Walker."
"You're so strong, Joel. This spell is more potent every time I invoke it. I can feel the power growing inside me." he smiled as he walked closer. "Yet here you are, sitting out in the freezing cold, resisting."
"Stay away from me."
"I can't." He straddled the bench beside me, then grasped my knees to turn my body and hook my legs over his thighs. "You should know that by now."
But ultimately, as the downward spiral mercilessly spurs them on, their lives are at stake. How can they break the spell? What has redemption to do with anything? And will Joel ever be his own man again? Or will he cease to exist altogether....
Think you've read it all by now? Do you crave something different, a creative, slightly creepy read perhaps? Then you might want to give Want Me a go! After a somewhat bumpy start - I personally didn't know whether I should let the crazy wash over me and just have fun or be disturbed by the scary concept - the book captivated me around the 1/3 mark. Rowan McBride is a true storyteller: the prose is effective rather than beautiful, making Want Me a fast read. I must admit that I had braced myself for horror. No wonder, with a blurb like this! But although the atmosphere was plenty creepy, this book was a lot less dark than I had anticipated. For example, McBride glosses over the more appalling aspects of the growing and shrinking process (the sex folks! I've never been this relieved about sex scenes fading to black!). Instead, Want Me may leave you pondering about the impact of the cards you're dealt in life, and the choices you make based on them.
Finally, a note for the HEA lovers out there: the revised version of Want Me was published only last month. It includes not only an extra chapter, but a bonus in the form of an alternative HEA ending (McBride really is into alternatives, be it lives or endings, ha!). The original version didn't come with a HEA ending. I would've been perfectly fine with it staying that way, since I think it contrasts with the story as a whole. However, McBride's beta readers got their sweet, sweet way. So this revised version now has two(!) HEA's to chose from.
I told you not to let the book's dark appearance scare you away!;)
April 12, 2013
Lisa already covered much of what I'd say.
I want to give this story a 5 just for being interesting and putting an original spin on m/m, but it's not there yet. (Also, not in itself completely original: McBride pays homage to some classic 1950s and 1960s science fiction/horror fiction stories.) At the same time I thought the author lost hold of the story about halfway through, and it started to lose focus. I think that's because there's a disconnect between where the story should have gone, and the demands for an HEA that readers' expectations would impose on the plot. McBride should have made it longer, and better.
Personally, I'd suggest skipping both the new HEA ending, and the alternate ending. Either end is not up to the level of the rest of the story. Here's where an author does themselves a disfavor by listening to people who want a completely Disneyfied HEA, when this is totally out of step with the rest of the book.
Still, saying that, this is highly enjoyable, creative, and the first half had me competely enraptured. It was actually that glorious state of being slightly un-immersed in a book enough to be able to appreciate, while reading, how lucky you are to have found something you're enjoying this much. Yum.
3.75 rounded up.
I want to give this story a 5 just for being interesting and putting an original spin on m/m, but it's not there yet. (Also, not in itself completely original: McBride pays homage to some classic 1950s and 1960s science fiction/horror fiction stories.) At the same time I thought the author lost hold of the story about halfway through, and it started to lose focus. I think that's because there's a disconnect between where the story should have gone, and the demands for an HEA that readers' expectations would impose on the plot. McBride should have made it longer, and better.
Personally, I'd suggest skipping both the new HEA ending, and the alternate ending. Either end is not up to the level of the rest of the story. Here's where an author does themselves a disfavor by listening to people who want a completely Disneyfied HEA, when this is totally out of step with the rest of the book.
Still, saying that, this is highly enjoyable, creative, and the first half had me competely enraptured. It was actually that glorious state of being slightly un-immersed in a book enough to be able to appreciate, while reading, how lucky you are to have found something you're enjoying this much. Yum.
3.75 rounded up.
January 14, 2019
This one is going on my dog-eared-fav/reread shelf . My very own personal hall of fame. *laughs* Yes, this one is a straight 5 stars for me because it's the best book I've ever read todate for 2013.
This book has surpassed all my expectations and I was pleasantly surprised by its depth and substance too. I have never thought there would be a day that I would label an erotic romance novel as profound.
Many may have just deduced this book as one of those mainstream everyday fantasy erotica books with the usual similar themes and plots. I mean who would have guessed that behind such a cover, suggestive title and blurb, was a story that would lead you through a series of self-discoveries, opens the eyes of the readers to see beyond skin deep and beyond oneself.
The Main Characters
The story was told from the protagonist, Joel's point-of-view. Joel was a football star at his campus and every sense a jock. He was built like Mr. Universe at Six-six just over three hundred pounds of hard, cut muscle and has good looks to complete the whole package too. Although he isn't really a bad guy, he is an extreme narcissist who thinks that the world revolves around him and he could have anything he wants without even trying for it. To him, he's a god.
[“He looks at me the way everybody looks at me.” I let my head drop back against the tree trunk and stared up at the Colorado sky. “I’m a god.”]
[Wasn’t sure why. All the girls on campus wanted me. Lots of the guys too. Even Walker, if you could believe Sam. I could fuck anyone I wanted, really. Who wouldn’t want to be me?]
On the other hand, Joel's roommate, Walker was exactly the polar opposite of him. He is only five-four, skinny like a bag of bones and a geek to boot. A creepy one too. Everyone seems to think so. Joel's jock-buddy Sam, had even warned him about Walker and stated that he might be gay and have hots for Joel which Joel had waived it off as the usual everyone-wants-me-what's-the-big-deal.
It was too late for regrets when Walker had made an unforgiving irreversible spell to compel Joel to his every wish forcing him to lose his self-autonomy and later his very sense of self too. Walker had effectively bound Joel to him all just because he desires Joel. He did this even knowing full well that Joel is not gay and was not even the least bit attracted to him. He just wanted Joel and wants Joel to want him. That's his ultimate goal and sole focus in life.
Walker was no ordinary human but a cursed one marked by God due to his ancestor's wrongdoing tainting the Cain's bloodline. Cain as in the biblical Cain, the man who committed the first homicide upon his very own brother, Abel. Walker's cursed bloodline comes with some perks it seems. He is able to invoke spells and has knowledge of runes and potions making. I guess that makes him some sort of a wizard.
Since all Cains are already doomed to end up in hell due the curse, Walker took on an indifference outlook in life. His nonchalance callous treatment of Joel especially in the beginning was nothing but cruel and vicious. Making him even creepier than he already was and making me cringed each time he carelessly dismissed Joel's pitiful pleadings and reasoning.
It is painful even for me as a reader to watch from the sideline, their continuing spiral to destruction. And it rips me apart seeing how Joel would struggled on relentlessly with shred of his remaining dignity trying hard to make the most of it only to have it torn away by Walker each time.
[As I walked out of the building, I thought about the lady in the poem. She was happy and free and fun; then the fucking duke kills her, and all that’s left is her portrait. The only time she gets to smile is when he pulls back the curtain, and she’s forced to smile at him.
I didn’t get that A because I was inspired. I got that A because Walker had taught me exactly how she felt. - (Joel was referring to Robert Browning's My Last Duchess poem)]
[Fucking Walker.
I pushed forward, determined to force a few more laps out of my tired legs.
This was my life now. I’d work hard. I’d find a way to make it my own. Hopefully, by the grace of God, no one would take it from me. My jaw clenched, and I ran harder, ran away from the truth I knew was chasing me.]
The Writing, Plot and Characterization
The main event happens right at the beginning of the book and I was helplessly sucked into its vortex unable to peel myself away even when I felt like I am drowning in Joel's pain and angst and my heart hurts like hell. Ms McBride just kept twisting her keen knife away regardless of my anguished cries matching those of Joel's. Such exquisite pain (that's the masochistic side of me speaking).
I find the plot and characters in this book simply amazing. I could even feel some sort of empathy towards Walker towards the end. And I adore Joel's best friend, April she's such a fun person to be around and a very loyal friend.
And of course needless to say, I adore Joel and vouch for him throughout the story. He is a very strong and intelligent person. He keeps getting up again and again no matter how many times he falls into that damnable spiral created by Walker. And he certainly was not complacently forgiving towards Walker as others had claimed him to be. He fought Walker every step of the way and used every ounce of his remaining will to reject Walker's compulsion spell on him.
["Do you have any idea what you do to me? It fucking hurts to look at you, Walker. I lay eyes on you, and there’s rage and fear and knee-buckling lust. I couldn’t even run away tonight! I had to run to you!”]
[“You are my lover.”
“No, Walker! Lovers love each other, you sick bastard!” The shaking spread to my whole body.
“You take my will, my emotions, away from me and expect me to…” I stared down at my wrist. “I don’t even know who I am anymore. I should at least have that, shouldn’t I? If I don’t, then what’s the point?”]
Since Joel is really a good man at heart, it would not be realistic for him to want to end Walker's life when he sleeps just because of the bitterness and anger he felt towards the unfairness he had suffered. Joel does have a bleeding heart... he had even tried to understand Walker and his motivation behind all the lies and manipulation enough to empathize with him and to guide him to the right path.
Through Walker, Joel got to learn so much about his own self and how he was once so self-absorbed due to his off-the-chart narcissistic nature that he couldn't find a single thing he could be grateful or feel thankful for.
Back then, he was effectively blind to everything else in life save for himself. He just couldn't see pass anything other than how great he is and how others should be glad to be honoured by his very presence. In a way, the old him has a very narrow perspective hence the shallowness that sometimes would leave him feeling restless and easily bored.
That's why Walker calls him a narcissist fuq. Lol.
["You got off on people getting off on you.” I nodded.
“What turned you on most was your own body.” Again I nodded. God, it hurt to hear him say it. He might not have been bothered by it, but to have my attitude—my own self-absorption—spelled out so clearly was a harsh mirror to face.]
As for Walker, although he holds Joel's reins in every sense... Joel holds his heart and mind. He really can be very sweet to Joel although he lacks empathy and respect for others.
[“You’re crazy,” I whispered. (Joel)
“For you,” he whispered back. (Walker)
My fingers raked over his skin. “Obsessed.” (Joel)
“Devoted.” (Walker)]
[Walker carefully laid himself on top of me. “I want you. Every life. That’ll never change.”]
[“Seeing you cry would be like a preview. Couldn’t stand that.”
I tilted my head to the side. “A preview of what?”
Again he looked at me as if I should have known. “Of hell.”]
[My eyes rounded. “That’s how you’re defining right and wrong? By what makes me happy?” Pride lit his face as he nodded.
Oh Jesus. “Walker, you can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I shouldn’t be the center of your life!”
His voice was gentle, a little confused. “But you are.” ]
[“You’re crazy. And vicious when there’s no one around to rein you in.” My hand slid down my shin, curved around my ankle. “But in a bizarre way, you’re also innocent. Cute. Even sweet when you’ve got it in your head that you’ll do anything for me. You’re changing, learning, and that’s good.” I lifted my head. “Very good.”]
I couldn't begin to fathom Walker’s twisted ideal of love. His level of devotion and fixation towards Joel was out of this world; even Joel felt breathless and caught whenever Walker would verbally declare his love. I could only tell you that it all begun with just a small gesture of kindness shown by an unwary Joel when they both first met.
Love can sometimes be too suffocating and overwhelming especially when one is clueless on the proper way of channeling it to the other party.
Can you love too much?
Conclusion
I must say this again... it is so rare for a M/M erotica romance book to have so much depth. Capable of making you ponder so much, to learn and reflect upon our own life.
.....love, respect, devotion, trust, courage, hope, choices, sacrifice and redemption.
Yes, I would definitely recommend this book to everyone despite that it is still a pretty dark and creepy story especially in the beginning and also a non-cons all the way involving a straight guy. I just hope that others would be inspired by the messages within it and would make more correct choices in life.
Lastly, I must add that the story does have creepy elements similar to the famous TV show, Twilight Zone and also quite Stephen King-ish. ;-)
That’s why many readers kept mentioning that it IS creepy. Lol.
Anyhow, I also find it very romantic in its own twisted way.
On a different note, here's something from the book that had caught my attention as well as surprise me in a good way. Nothing to do with creepy kay:
Joel's best friend April was talking to him about the Original sin, self curse and redemption:-
[“April,” I began carefully, not knowing whether I was right, “do you believe that God curses people?”
She closed my notebook and set it on the table beside her. “Nope,” she said, as if this were any other conversation. “I think God’s too cool for that. Why do you ask?”
Because, despite what I’d said to Walker, I had my own set of doubts. “You don’t think God would curse a man and his entire bloodline? What about original sin?”
“I don’t believe in a vengeful, grudge-holding God. I do believe that sometimes a person can do something so horrible that they curse themselves, though.”
My brow furrowed. “Curse themselves?”
“Sure. Look at original sin. We broke the rules. We ate the fruit. We got ourselves booted out of paradise. Some of the things we do put a mark right on our soul, and it’s not always so easy to get rid of it.” She rested her elbows on her knees. “But God’s been giving us ways to clean it off from the moment we got ourselves cast out, going so far as to sacrifice his own son. Because he loves us. That’s the God I believe in.”]
I am ever so glad that Ms. McBride decided to write that Epilogue which was initially not in the book before her beta readers goes through it. Thank you for wrapping it all up nicely.
Ms. McBride, I am in total agreement with you on the reasons why you decided to take that unconventional ending in your 2008 epilogue rather than a go-with-the-crowd ending for both of them. It makes more sense and it has strengthened the story and the message behind it too. If it was to take that alternate ending in that 'bonus epilogue', I wouldn't be so sure of it anymore. It would somehow dilute the impact of this book. I mean what’s the purpose of returning to point A again?
Yes, that 2008 epilogue is canon!
********************************************************
P/S: Just wanted to add that this book reminds me of another brilliant piece of work by Rowan McBride. It is still a WIP (work-in-progress) online original fiction. One that I adore till todate and would die to see it completed someday soon *hint, hint*:
The Jascian's Toy by Rowan McBride
The two main characters in TJT echo Joel & Walker's personalities.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 12, 2013
3.75 stars
The first word that comes to mind: creepy.
So, Joel is a jock. He's big, really big -- the size thing actually confused me enough to think about getting out a tape measure so I could translate all those feet and inches to centimetres -- and the star of the football team. He shares a room with Walker, who is a scrawny, short, unpopular nerd. Turns out he's also magic, but we'll get to that. Joel isn't a typical asshole jock. He's actually nice to Walker, and likes him. Turns out that's a mistake because Walker (who is magic, remember?) unleashes a spell that makes Joel want him.
The spell catches both boys in a spiral. And every time Walker uses the spell, they wake up in an altered reality. Joel is getting smaller and weaker, and Walker is getting bigger and stronger. And pretty soon Joel is tiny, and Walker is like a giant.
I think that's why I dropped it a star -- the size difference thing doesn't really do it for me. By the time Joel is so small that he can't reach door knobs and , I was finding the whole thing less delicious-creepy and more totally repulsive-creepy. By this stage, I had lost any sympathy I'd had for Walker in the beginning, and any personal growth (LOL!) he experienced was too little, too late.
Having said that, Joel was a great character. Although I agreed with Walker in one respect -- he was way too forgiving. Walker didn't need redemption so much as he needed to be stabbed in his sleep. I never bought the whole tortured-soul-needs-redemption thing. No, Walker's tortured soul needed a slapping.
So that's the negative. The positive? The writing here is beautiful, the creepy atmosphere is pervasive, and it's really, really well written. Every turn of the spiral kept me doubting the possibility of a decent resolution for our MCs, and kept me reading until way past my bedtime. And that's the mark of a good book.
The first word that comes to mind: creepy.
So, Joel is a jock. He's big, really big -- the size thing actually confused me enough to think about getting out a tape measure so I could translate all those feet and inches to centimetres -- and the star of the football team. He shares a room with Walker, who is a scrawny, short, unpopular nerd. Turns out he's also magic, but we'll get to that. Joel isn't a typical asshole jock. He's actually nice to Walker, and likes him. Turns out that's a mistake because Walker (who is magic, remember?) unleashes a spell that makes Joel want him.
The spell catches both boys in a spiral. And every time Walker uses the spell, they wake up in an altered reality. Joel is getting smaller and weaker, and Walker is getting bigger and stronger. And pretty soon Joel is tiny, and Walker is like a giant.
I think that's why I dropped it a star -- the size difference thing doesn't really do it for me. By the time Joel is so small that he can't reach door knobs and , I was finding the whole thing less delicious-creepy and more totally repulsive-creepy. By this stage, I had lost any sympathy I'd had for Walker in the beginning, and any personal growth (LOL!) he experienced was too little, too late.
Having said that, Joel was a great character. Although I agreed with Walker in one respect -- he was way too forgiving. Walker didn't need redemption so much as he needed to be stabbed in his sleep. I never bought the whole tortured-soul-needs-redemption thing. No, Walker's tortured soul needed a slapping.
So that's the negative. The positive? The writing here is beautiful, the creepy atmosphere is pervasive, and it's really, really well written. Every turn of the spiral kept me doubting the possibility of a decent resolution for our MCs, and kept me reading until way past my bedtime. And that's the mark of a good book.
May 28, 2014
Something about a heterosexed rock-hard-python-packing football-jock brought to his knees..begging to be pounded..is mighty f'ing sexy.. A strong glorious specimen of alpha-virility brought to heel..in his flushing, helpless mortification..as his lust overrides all reason and sensibility.
^That kind of shit^..overrides my sensibility & reason as well.
This was a very creative spin and unique twist on some sweet obsessive loving with a ramped-up lust factor. More than anything I devoured the hopeless-in-heat feelings our cock-jock Joel constantly struggled with in this obsessively erotic love story.
Truth be known the only thing missing (for me) was some x-rated trash-talking and I would have died a very happy-camper.
May 2, 2013
It seems like in the last few days I've kept sending people who read my reviews to other people's reviews - it looks like I'm about to do it one more time. I'm very sorry! I'm going through a bit of a weird time: I'm with family back in Romania; a grandfather who I've only seen once a year for all my life died a few months ago; consequently my grandmother is depressed and the whole clan is pretty much going crazy. So basically I'm exhausted and exasperated and this afternoon I just up and decided to shut myself in my room and read the whole fucking book. Yes; I'm that selfish.
Also; I haven't gone crazy. My grammar is as good as it ever was; but I'm forced to use semicolons instead of commas because on my uncle's half-brother's laptop the comma key is missing. No; it's not that I can't find it. Somehow it has simply been removed. There's a hole. I cannot for the life of me figure out how that could have happened; but my little cousin must have had something to do with it.
Despite all this; I am going to gift you with my (brief) opinion of this book: it's an entertaining; engrossing and well-written book that made me think about redemption; forgiveness and love in unusual circumstances. Each character's emotional and psychological progress was gradual and natural and all the small revelations dropped throughout the novel kept me on the edge of my seat and alternating between biting my nails; wanting to cry and grinning like a fool. One other big merit is that it halfway managed to pick me up from a horrid (I figure stress-related) reading slump after I read forty pages of about half the books on my ereader for three days without finding anything that could hold my interest. Is this enough? Please let this be enough.
There are a ton of reviewers out there who have written in depth and actually useful reviews that are not a rant on private life - go find those.
Writing in English is a bit difficult with an eight-year-old screaming in my ears about zookeepers and helicopters (?); but I'm sure you'll forgive me if this doesn't make much sense.
Try this and this.
Also; I haven't gone crazy. My grammar is as good as it ever was; but I'm forced to use semicolons instead of commas because on my uncle's half-brother's laptop the comma key is missing. No; it's not that I can't find it. Somehow it has simply been removed. There's a hole. I cannot for the life of me figure out how that could have happened; but my little cousin must have had something to do with it.
Despite all this; I am going to gift you with my (brief) opinion of this book: it's an entertaining; engrossing and well-written book that made me think about redemption; forgiveness and love in unusual circumstances. Each character's emotional and psychological progress was gradual and natural and all the small revelations dropped throughout the novel kept me on the edge of my seat and alternating between biting my nails; wanting to cry and grinning like a fool. One other big merit is that it halfway managed to pick me up from a horrid (I figure stress-related) reading slump after I read forty pages of about half the books on my ereader for three days without finding anything that could hold my interest. Is this enough? Please let this be enough.
There are a ton of reviewers out there who have written in depth and actually useful reviews that are not a rant on private life - go find those.
Writing in English is a bit difficult with an eight-year-old screaming in my ears about zookeepers and helicopters (?); but I'm sure you'll forgive me if this doesn't make much sense.
Try this and this.
April 23, 2014
Interesting premise with some heavy Old Testament theology.
The beginning was very dark magicky and then swerves heavily towards theology which works out well enough. But, honestly, the last shift in the story never quite gets the problem tidied up, or rather it takes a leap of faith I don't have. Leap of faith--yeah, may be intentional or not, but I thought the ending was a bit convenient.
The beginning was very dark magicky and then swerves heavily towards theology which works out well enough. But, honestly, the last shift in the story never quite gets the problem tidied up, or rather it takes a leap of faith I don't have. Leap of faith--yeah, may be intentional or not, but I thought the ending was a bit convenient.
April 25, 2013
This was one of the worst kinds of violation and stockholm syndromes I have ever read.
Pile of BS #1 - "Because your world revolves around me, and since you've raped me so many times and I've gotten off, so...I'll fall for you too..."
Pile of BS #2 - "Because I felt like an uncomfortable yet proud giant at 6'6'', I don't mind being a skinny 5'4'' geeky tiny little guy"
Pile of BS #3 - "I'd rather give up my one true passion of football and write beautiful poems, than be a star football player"
[What's wrong with doing both?]
Pile of BS #4 - "You've robbed me of my life and completely forced me to live like someone else entirely, but I still love you for it, 'cos you know, your life completely revolves around me 'n all, so what more could i ask for."
Pile of BS #5 - "Because only at the height of 5'4'' can i possess the intelligence of doing well in english literature otherwise I'm only a dumb football stud at the giant height of 6'6'' !!!"
Pile of BS #6 - "At the height of 6'6'' I'm an ass to my family or because I'm a big guy my family can't love me enough or we can't be close enough all because I'm a big guy my family doesn't need to care about me 'cos I take care of myself against the big bad world. I can't be smothered in familial love until 'n unless I'm a scrawny little dude who needs extra protection."
At the end of reading this book I couldn't help but be judgemental towards the author's mindset. I'm wondering whether this was like the author's vendetta against a stud who may have jilted "xe"m in the past...Am I being rude...perhaps...
But had the ending been something like both the guys going back to their "original" physiques, maybe the story would've been redeemable for me 'cos I remember Joel liking Walker in his actual form of skinny little fellow with dark beautiful skin. Plus he was friendly enough towards the red-head April that it could've blossomed into a good friendship regardless of his height...
There is so much wrong going on here, this book has so many holes that I'm actually rather peeved at some of the justifications the author tried to throw at me as a reader at the conclusion of this unbelievable charade. And when I say unbelievable - it's not the magic part at all, but the attraction and love and chemistry between the MCs which felt like the stuff of well...dreams...vindictive dreams. It just doesn't gel. People might want to argue that i feel like this because of society's preconceived notions and stereotypes - But, no. This has everything to do with my innate sense of right and wrong. And this was very very wrong.
I've read some beautiful fantasy/magic M/M and thought I'd give this one a go. But boy, was I in for some major disappointment!
:(
p.s. @Kynthosyuat: I know how it feels when you're super excited about a book and rec it to a friend and they feel the exact opposite. I'm sorry, this one was a miss for me.
Pile of BS #1 - "Because your world revolves around me, and since you've raped me so many times and I've gotten off, so...I'll fall for you too..."
Pile of BS #2 - "Because I felt like an uncomfortable yet proud giant at 6'6'', I don't mind being a skinny 5'4'' geeky tiny little guy"
Pile of BS #3 - "I'd rather give up my one true passion of football and write beautiful poems, than be a star football player"
[What's wrong with doing both?]
Pile of BS #4 - "You've robbed me of my life and completely forced me to live like someone else entirely, but I still love you for it, 'cos you know, your life completely revolves around me 'n all, so what more could i ask for."
Pile of BS #5 - "Because only at the height of 5'4'' can i possess the intelligence of doing well in english literature otherwise I'm only a dumb football stud at the giant height of 6'6'' !!!"
Pile of BS #6 - "At the height of 6'6'' I'm an ass to my family or because I'm a big guy my family can't love me enough or we can't be close enough all because I'm a big guy my family doesn't need to care about me 'cos I take care of myself against the big bad world. I can't be smothered in familial love until 'n unless I'm a scrawny little dude who needs extra protection."
At the end of reading this book I couldn't help but be judgemental towards the author's mindset. I'm wondering whether this was like the author's vendetta against a stud who may have jilted "xe"m in the past...Am I being rude...perhaps...
But had the ending been something like both the guys going back to their "original" physiques, maybe the story would've been redeemable for me 'cos I remember Joel liking Walker in his actual form of skinny little fellow with dark beautiful skin. Plus he was friendly enough towards the red-head April that it could've blossomed into a good friendship regardless of his height...
There is so much wrong going on here, this book has so many holes that I'm actually rather peeved at some of the justifications the author tried to throw at me as a reader at the conclusion of this unbelievable charade. And when I say unbelievable - it's not the magic part at all, but the attraction and love and chemistry between the MCs which felt like the stuff of well...dreams...vindictive dreams. It just doesn't gel. People might want to argue that i feel like this because of society's preconceived notions and stereotypes - But, no. This has everything to do with my innate sense of right and wrong. And this was very very wrong.
I've read some beautiful fantasy/magic M/M and thought I'd give this one a go. But boy, was I in for some major disappointment!
:(
p.s. @Kynthosyuat: I know how it feels when you're super excited about a book and rec it to a friend and they feel the exact opposite. I'm sorry, this one was a miss for me.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 3, 2013
Side note: There's a free fic by this author on Smashwords called "Chains". Smutty but nice.
On to the review:
Yes, this is good. One of those rare books that is so amazingly written, when you get to the end, you'll want to read it again, just to make sure.
I'm writing this review after my 2nd read, and it definitely still deserves those 5 stars. Brilliantly written, with great emotional depth and a subtly complex plot. All packed into a tightly wound structure which mirrors the major theme of the book.
The first time round, was a very emotional read for me. I was in tears at least every other chapter.
The second time was a very analytical experience. A test of the reasoning and logic behind every "shift". And I have to say, everything holds together extremely well.
Joel's place in his world requires him to be within a certain physical range, and as he loses his place through successive shifts, his dreams and motivations change in realistic and pragmatic ways. Walker's goal, on the other hand, is specific and unchanging - but more complex than it originally appears.
The way the story progressed reminded me very much of iterative computer modelling, where starting values changed subtly with each iteration. Interestingly, using a faulty model, or the wrong starting values, can cause a model to spiral out of control - diverging from the ideal solution, instead of getting closer. In other words, Joel's resolution for that final shift was instrumental to achieving that "Best Ending" situation.
Right at the end, the author proves conclusively that Joel's not just a victim along for the ride - and for me, that alone deserved the fifth star of my 5 star rating.
Oh, and I'm talking about the canon ending here. We'll just ignore the "other" one.
On to the review:
Yes, this is good. One of those rare books that is so amazingly written, when you get to the end, you'll want to read it again, just to make sure.
I'm writing this review after my 2nd read, and it definitely still deserves those 5 stars. Brilliantly written, with great emotional depth and a subtly complex plot. All packed into a tightly wound structure which mirrors the major theme of the book.
The first time round, was a very emotional read for me. I was in tears at least every other chapter.
The second time was a very analytical experience. A test of the reasoning and logic behind every "shift". And I have to say, everything holds together extremely well.
Joel's place in his world requires him to be within a certain physical range, and as he loses his place through successive shifts, his dreams and motivations change in realistic and pragmatic ways. Walker's goal, on the other hand, is specific and unchanging - but more complex than it originally appears.
The way the story progressed reminded me very much of iterative computer modelling, where starting values changed subtly with each iteration. Interestingly, using a faulty model, or the wrong starting values, can cause a model to spiral out of control - diverging from the ideal solution, instead of getting closer. In other words, Joel's resolution for that final shift was instrumental to achieving that "Best Ending" situation.
Right at the end, the author proves conclusively that Joel's not just a victim along for the ride - and for me, that alone deserved the fifth star of my 5 star rating.
Oh, and I'm talking about the canon ending here. We'll just ignore the "other" one.
May 3, 2013
Wonderfully unique, never boring, plus believable and touching character development - this book is worth your time.
*SPOILERS*
I'd have liked a slightly different ending. A true sacrifice would have had more impact and possibly taken this to five stars. To see how far Joel would go for Walker, that would be more affecting. As it is, I like the ending. I like the epilogues. They're not necessary but they don't detract from the story, and if it had ended before the epilogues I would have felt frustrated. After all that build-up I needed to see them happy together.
Also, you're not fooling me, author. That April is an angel of one kind or another. I love her almost more than Walker and Joel.
*SPOILERS*
I'd have liked a slightly different ending. A true sacrifice would have had more impact and possibly taken this to five stars. To see how far Joel would go for Walker, that would be more affecting. As it is, I like the ending. I like the epilogues. They're not necessary but they don't detract from the story, and if it had ended before the epilogues I would have felt frustrated. After all that build-up I needed to see them happy together.
Also, you're not fooling me, author. That April is an angel of one kind or another. I love her almost more than Walker and Joel.
March 8, 2022
This book was kind of okay. I mean, this is a short story, maybe if it was a regular book I would feel more connected to the characters, good to read when you want something short, a little dark (with fantasy).
July 17, 2014
This read like an m/m version of a certain Stephen King novella: so good!
Read
April 21, 2009Rowan McBride has a series of stories about the "growing muscle" event: one or both main characters change their looks to suit the taste of their beloved.
Joel is the perfect guy: six foot six of football player, he is not the usual jock, he has also a thinking brain. But he is too used to be adored by everyone, he can have all the girls he wants and all the friends he likes. At 19 yd he is the raising star of his college.
But everyone around him continue to warn him against his college roommate, Walker Cain, a creepy geek, always with a book in hand and that everyone seems to avoid. Walker is a skinny guy, five foot four, all bones and big eyes. But he has a costant perfume around him that appeals a lot to Joel, and told be truth, Joel likes to be around Walker. Obviously not in a sexual way, Joel has never had a second though on Walker in that way, but still he is comfortable around him.
Walker is cursed. He is the last descendent of the biblical Cain, and he now belong to a long line of wizard. All the Cain has the chance to cast a big spell in their life and Walker chooses to use it to bond Joel to him forever: through the bond he can make Joel doing everything he wants, and he forces Joel to have sex with him. Everytime Joel reaches a climax, he passes to Walker some of his strenght and physical appereance.
Both Walker and Joel think that the spell will stop when both of what Joel was will be pass to Walker, but they are wrong. And things seem to spiral down to a unthinkable end.
Joel is a character in travel: during the book he will experiment many lifes and different perspective and he will learn to deal with them. You can think that Joel is a victim, but truly he "needs" this experience to see the world in the right perspective. All the things he gives granted to his physical strenght, could be not so granted if you are weaker, but you can also learn that your attitude can represent you more than your look.
Walker is a sociopathic, no doubt in that. And he is also very selfish and without regrets. Even when he could see all the wrong things he has done, still he is not repentant: maybe, he says, he would do something different, but still he would cast the spell to bond Joel. Cause he wants Joel. Walker is not a good person: I think he can play the role of a good person if he has by his side Joel, but left alone, he can be a lethal weapon. He has not conscience by himself, his conscience and his good behaviour are given by Joel.
For this reason, the bond between Joel and Walker is almost a sickly one. But it is also a very powerful and enthralling one. Want Me is a very original and powerful book, a pretty long story which will take you bond to the book till the last page.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1587369346/?...
Joel is the perfect guy: six foot six of football player, he is not the usual jock, he has also a thinking brain. But he is too used to be adored by everyone, he can have all the girls he wants and all the friends he likes. At 19 yd he is the raising star of his college.
But everyone around him continue to warn him against his college roommate, Walker Cain, a creepy geek, always with a book in hand and that everyone seems to avoid. Walker is a skinny guy, five foot four, all bones and big eyes. But he has a costant perfume around him that appeals a lot to Joel, and told be truth, Joel likes to be around Walker. Obviously not in a sexual way, Joel has never had a second though on Walker in that way, but still he is comfortable around him.
Walker is cursed. He is the last descendent of the biblical Cain, and he now belong to a long line of wizard. All the Cain has the chance to cast a big spell in their life and Walker chooses to use it to bond Joel to him forever: through the bond he can make Joel doing everything he wants, and he forces Joel to have sex with him. Everytime Joel reaches a climax, he passes to Walker some of his strenght and physical appereance.
Both Walker and Joel think that the spell will stop when both of what Joel was will be pass to Walker, but they are wrong. And things seem to spiral down to a unthinkable end.
Joel is a character in travel: during the book he will experiment many lifes and different perspective and he will learn to deal with them. You can think that Joel is a victim, but truly he "needs" this experience to see the world in the right perspective. All the things he gives granted to his physical strenght, could be not so granted if you are weaker, but you can also learn that your attitude can represent you more than your look.
Walker is a sociopathic, no doubt in that. And he is also very selfish and without regrets. Even when he could see all the wrong things he has done, still he is not repentant: maybe, he says, he would do something different, but still he would cast the spell to bond Joel. Cause he wants Joel. Walker is not a good person: I think he can play the role of a good person if he has by his side Joel, but left alone, he can be a lethal weapon. He has not conscience by himself, his conscience and his good behaviour are given by Joel.
For this reason, the bond between Joel and Walker is almost a sickly one. But it is also a very powerful and enthralling one. Want Me is a very original and powerful book, a pretty long story which will take you bond to the book till the last page.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1587369346/?...
April 4, 2013
A very interesting read. The ideas McBride invokes here are intriguing and I rather liked the way she delved into the darker sides of human nature. The way she handled the development of the characters was rather good.
The ending - especially the prologue - was just a little corny for my tastes, though (hence, the 4 stars), but other than that, it's a good read.(ETA: Now that I've sat and thought of it more, it's not that bad. I'm still a little disturbed by this whole "It's GREAT!" thing because it seems a bit Stockholm-y, but, I mean, he could just be making the best out of a bad-ish situation? And I guess it is a lot better in comparison?
And the ending poem really is beautiful.)
Reread ETA:
There are some things that are a little weird, such as Joel's delicacy (I mean, come on. Small children are small and they're not all wispy and delicate) but I suppose that can be chalked up to a sort of essence transference thing, so w/e.
Walker's character, once I get over the initial shock, actually is quite ingeniously written. Taking into account his past and upbringing, everything is what it probably ought to be. His story and the way it's told is really rather heart-rending.
Bravo for that, I'd say.
Although, as with all of McBride's books, it seems, I really do hope xe's way exaggerating on some of the size comparisons.
Some of them are rather worrying.
And the ending poem really is beautiful.)
Reread ETA:
There are some things that are a little weird, such as Joel's delicacy (I mean, come on. Small children are small and they're not all wispy and delicate) but I suppose that can be chalked up to a sort of essence transference thing, so w/e.
Walker's character, once I get over the initial shock, actually is quite ingeniously written. Taking into account his past and upbringing, everything is what it probably ought to be. His story and the way it's told is really rather heart-rending.
Bravo for that, I'd say.
Although, as with all of McBride's books, it seems, I really do hope xe's way exaggerating on some of the size comparisons.
Some of them are rather worrying.
April 2, 2013
This is a totally amazing book. Creepy, scary and weird describe it just as much as thought-provoking and sweet. I spent about the first third of the book trying to figure out what was going on - and deciding whether I liked the idea behind this book. I must admit that some of the non-consensual aspects repulsed me to the point where I WANTED to put it down - only I couldn't. It was as if the writing wove a spell around me which forced me to watch the train wreck happen.
The concept, as much as the quality of the writing, was what convinced me to stick with it. I was also desperate to see how this would end. Was there ANY hope for Joel and Walker? The two main characters are both in need of some serious growing up and learning and this self-made challenge certainly gave them that opportunity.
I won't give away any details, but I will say that it's a book well worth picking up. As scary and weird as it is touching and beautiful, this is a story about self-image and identity everyone can learn something from. If you like books that challenge your thinking, if you enjoy stories that might scare you more than a little, and if you're looking for something very creative and unusual, you will probably like this book as much as I did.
The concept, as much as the quality of the writing, was what convinced me to stick with it. I was also desperate to see how this would end. Was there ANY hope for Joel and Walker? The two main characters are both in need of some serious growing up and learning and this self-made challenge certainly gave them that opportunity.
I won't give away any details, but I will say that it's a book well worth picking up. As scary and weird as it is touching and beautiful, this is a story about self-image and identity everyone can learn something from. If you like books that challenge your thinking, if you enjoy stories that might scare you more than a little, and if you're looking for something very creative and unusual, you will probably like this book as much as I did.
May 5, 2017
I re-read the good parts..
Yikes. There's a good part in this beautiful horror novel?
Of course, there is..
Definitely my de-stressing book.
********************************************************************
So creepy. Yet so beautiful.
Never thought gonna say this..
Warning : Dub/con, Non/con
Yikes. There's a good part in this beautiful horror novel?
Of course, there is..
Definitely my de-stressing book.
********************************************************************
So creepy. Yet so beautiful.
Never thought gonna say this..
Warning : Dub/con, Non/con
April 27, 2013
Every review I read about this book seemed like the reader was, oh,
I don't know, confused maybe? I decided I would read it for myself. It is a very different read. This is my opinion so don't write it in stone but I think it's dark erotica with a HFN ending and then an added HEA epilogue. It's unlike anything I have read. A bit of the paranormal, a bit of the fluff of someone SO in love, a lot of depression as the character, Joel, works through the problems and finally acceptance and forgiveness.
I think most MM readers that are looking for fluff will not like this book. The dark erotic readers like myself will understand it a bit more and maybe, because it's so different, like it. The paranormal readers, they probably will enjoy this book. There's a little something for everyone, if you keep an open mind.
I don't know, confused maybe? I decided I would read it for myself. It is a very different read. This is my opinion so don't write it in stone but I think it's dark erotica with a HFN ending and then an added HEA epilogue. It's unlike anything I have read. A bit of the paranormal, a bit of the fluff of someone SO in love, a lot of depression as the character, Joel, works through the problems and finally acceptance and forgiveness.
I think most MM readers that are looking for fluff will not like this book. The dark erotic readers like myself will understand it a bit more and maybe, because it's so different, like it. The paranormal readers, they probably will enjoy this book. There's a little something for everyone, if you keep an open mind.
December 3, 2010
First thing I gotta say is that this book is CREEPY! I'm talking serious heebie jeebies here! Like whoa! There's just something about the way this author writes that just draws you in though, and even if you've got a major case of the wiggins, you still have to keep reading because the world is so fascinating that you must find out what happens and how it all works out.
Joel wants and thinks about all the wrong things. Walker only thinks of one thing...Joel. Walker's plan to make Joel want him is so dang frightening (but brilliant!) and how it all plays out...man.
Joel wants and thinks about all the wrong things. Walker only thinks of one thing...Joel. Walker's plan to make Joel want him is so dang frightening (but brilliant!) and how it all plays out...man.
April 18, 2014
I don't know. This book caught me by surprise!
It's a total dub-con/non-con with an almost Stockholm syndrome HFN or HEA ending.
I loved that this book had TWO epilogues! How cool was that. That alone was brilliant. You could choose which path you wanted them to take.
So. I was kind of doing the whole 'what the heck is going on!' Thing. But I had to keep reading. I had to know how far it was going to go! I was captivated by this darkly twisted and creepy ass book. I was amazed at how seamlessly the author was able to flow each part and make it believable.
Walker. Oh complex, creepy guy. Holy gosh. You go from feeling a despair for this guy, that morphing so slowly hating him for Joel, then to feeling sad for him, then to rooting for him, and finally wishing peace for him. All at the same time of making sure if he was in RL that you stayed the hell away, good or bad. You stay away from me!
Then I hit 71% and I'm crying. This book is just so unfair for poor Joel. It's broke me. I'm so wrapped up in it.
It's a different book. There is no sunshine and rainbows. It's creepy and dark and forced into this spiral.
It's a total dub-con/non-con with an almost Stockholm syndrome HFN or HEA ending.
I loved that this book had TWO epilogues! How cool was that. That alone was brilliant. You could choose which path you wanted them to take.
So. I was kind of doing the whole 'what the heck is going on!' Thing. But I had to keep reading. I had to know how far it was going to go! I was captivated by this darkly twisted and creepy ass book. I was amazed at how seamlessly the author was able to flow each part and make it believable.
Walker. Oh complex, creepy guy. Holy gosh. You go from feeling a despair for this guy, that morphing so slowly hating him for Joel, then to feeling sad for him, then to rooting for him, and finally wishing peace for him. All at the same time of making sure if he was in RL that you stayed the hell away, good or bad. You stay away from me!
Then I hit 71% and I'm crying. This book is just so unfair for poor Joel. It's broke me. I'm so wrapped up in it.
It's a different book. There is no sunshine and rainbows. It's creepy and dark and forced into this spiral.
August 31, 2019
This was unexpectedly good. And I only say "unexpectedly" because of how creepy and horrific (to me) the majority of the story played out...I am not typically a "horror" reader (though I do like "dark") so it surprised me how much I ended up liking it. Really makes you think, too, if you're in the mood for digging into the morality/ethics of a character's actions & mindset; makes you also want to take a look at your life to see what you're maybe not appreciating and what privilege you've gotten used to.
I also liked the way the author included the alternate, non-canon ending to see where the plot could have gone...and honestly I like the official ending better.
I also liked the way the author included the alternate, non-canon ending to see where the plot could have gone...and honestly I like the official ending better.
April 8, 2011
Seriously, this book made me so uncomfortable, throughout I kept shouting 'WHAT AM I READING?? And, WHY?' But I absolutely loved it. Besides the creep factor and almost sociopathic characters, you find yourself so enthralled with the entire story that you WANT to know the outcome. At first, neither character is likable. Joel is narcassitic to the extreme and gets off on how much other people admire him. Walker is this shy quiet guy who everyone finds creepy ( and seriously what he caused still gives me the heebie geebies). But this story was about finding who you are and how an unlikely someone can help save you from a downward spiral while the other can teach you how to be a better person. Rowan McBride has an amazing talent and I'll definitely pick up more of his books.
January 25, 2015
1/2/15
(I can't say for anything else cuz I haven't reread it, but re: the gypsy thing in the original vs new edition)
sooo apparently, regardless of the vagueness and noncommittal or mixed responses from general internet searches, there are many Rromani/Romani people on tumblr who majorly are against the use of the term "gypsy." (Look at that! Years passed, awareness is raised, looking back on past folly is painful because ugh look at that ignorant child. But idk, this is an issue that I don't feel fully equipped to address, seeing as I'm not invested one way or another and it's hard to tell which side has more authority to say for the whole. [cuz I mean it's always possible you get whitewashed or whatever figures who are like "I'm __ and I'm not offended" when the majority of people are going "NOOO WHY OF ALL OF THE PEOPLE TO GET RECOGNITION, IT'S YOU?"])
Below is a link with stuff I've come across where Rromani people have voiced their views on stuff.
http://writingwithcolor.tumblr.com/ta...
There's another tumblr post I've seen but can't find at the moment, where for some reason the answerer decided to use a gif of Jade from ANTM, who is not Romani. I found it Also just the generic tumblr search yields many posts about views and stuff.
Again, this is nothing about the "new" ending. I haven't reread it, so idk what I would think of it now. I only add this because I remembered I said some stuff that I'm kind of embarrassed about because I wasn't aware of the flip side. Anyway, more food for thought.
4/13/2013
It was awkward because I kept trying to compare it to the original one, but I don't remember enough of the original to make definitive judgments on what was changed...so far, at least.
I think that's causing me to overanalyze it...
I guess this'll be a study in how mistaken people can be when they only see what they want to see...
Actually, I see it. There's this huge chunk that's new.
And just saying, but I personally would love to have some of that "stuff that turns blood into ash." It sounds really fucking awesome.
You know, the other thing is the gypsy thing.
It's like the author heard someone say - or had someone come to xer and complain - about the use of the term gypsy, at which time the author, in a fit of horrified shock, immediately went to change it.
I mean, idk. Maybe it doesn't affect me because I'm not Romani, but I liked it. I thought it was very poetic.
Honestly, I don't get it because I've never seen "gypsy" as pejorative, not even in Spanish ("gitano") when we've used it in class. I've always associated the term with wildness, exoticness, that sort of stuff.
I've done a bit of internet searching and I couldn't really find its roots as a derogatory term. It does say that "some people find it derogatory," but then, "Indian" is a derogatory term coming from my mom, so...
This link actually has someone (actually, several someones, now that I look closer) who is Romani and says xe doens't really consider if derogatory, if that means anything to you. Then again, this is only a small sampling, so it's not clear how representative this necessarily is...
So yeah. That bit kind of annoyed me. (Cuz honestly, you can't please everyone and I feel like this was a point that really didn't need to have been made controversial =_=)
The "new" ending...
Eh. I don't like it.
It pretty much means everything that's happened so far is useless. Pointless. The story took you somewhere, then summarily dumped you back on your ass at the very beginning. Thanks, but no thanks, b*tch. (That sort of thing.)
As an AU sort of thing, okay, but as canon? I'd have hated McBride's guts. For. Ever.
Vendetta.
I like the ending McBride ended up going with. This alternate ending provides more insight, I guess, but not really. It was...insipid. Too accomodating. Because honestly, sometimes the readers, like small children, don't know what they want.
More on the ending here.
(I can't say for anything else cuz I haven't reread it, but re: the gypsy thing in the original vs new edition)
sooo apparently, regardless of the vagueness and noncommittal or mixed responses from general internet searches, there are many Rromani/Romani people on tumblr who majorly are against the use of the term "gypsy." (Look at that! Years passed, awareness is raised, looking back on past folly is painful because ugh look at that ignorant child. But idk, this is an issue that I don't feel fully equipped to address, seeing as I'm not invested one way or another and it's hard to tell which side has more authority to say for the whole. [cuz I mean it's always possible you get whitewashed or whatever figures who are like "I'm __ and I'm not offended" when the majority of people are going "NOOO WHY OF ALL OF THE PEOPLE TO GET RECOGNITION, IT'S YOU?"])
Below is a link with stuff I've come across where Rromani people have voiced their views on stuff.
http://writingwithcolor.tumblr.com/ta...
Again, this is nothing about the "new" ending. I haven't reread it, so idk what I would think of it now. I only add this because I remembered I said some stuff that I'm kind of embarrassed about because I wasn't aware of the flip side. Anyway, more food for thought.
4/13/2013
It was awkward because I kept trying to compare it to the original one, but I don't remember enough of the original to make definitive judgments on what was changed...so far, at least.
I think that's causing me to overanalyze it...
I guess this'll be a study in how mistaken people can be when they only see what they want to see...
Actually, I see it. There's this huge chunk that's new.
And just saying, but I personally would love to have some of that "stuff that turns blood into ash." It sounds really fucking awesome.
It's like the author heard someone say - or had someone come to xer and complain - about the use of the term gypsy, at which time the author, in a fit of horrified shock, immediately went to change it.
I mean, idk. Maybe it doesn't affect me because I'm not Romani, but I liked it. I thought it was very poetic.
Honestly, I don't get it because I've never seen "gypsy" as pejorative, not even in Spanish ("gitano") when we've used it in class. I've always associated the term with wildness, exoticness, that sort of stuff.
I've done a bit of internet searching and I couldn't really find its roots as a derogatory term. It does say that "some people find it derogatory," but then, "Indian" is a derogatory term coming from my mom, so...
This link actually has someone (actually, several someones, now that I look closer) who is Romani and says xe doens't really consider if derogatory, if that means anything to you. Then again, this is only a small sampling, so it's not clear how representative this necessarily is...
So yeah. That bit kind of annoyed me. (Cuz honestly, you can't please everyone and I feel like this was a point that really didn't need to have been made controversial =_=)
The "new" ending...
Eh. I don't like it.
It pretty much means everything that's happened so far is useless. Pointless. The story took you somewhere, then summarily dumped you back on your ass at the very beginning. Thanks, but no thanks, b*tch. (That sort of thing.)
As an AU sort of thing, okay, but as canon? I'd have hated McBride's guts. For. Ever.
Vendetta.
I like the ending McBride ended up going with. This alternate ending provides more insight, I guess, but not really. It was...insipid. Too accomodating. Because honestly, sometimes the readers, like small children, don't know what they want.
More on the ending here.
April 5, 2013
5 Hearts
Review written for MM Good Book Reviews
http://mmgoodbookreviews.wordpress.co...
Joel is the king of campus, everyone loves him and wants to be with him and he loves every second of it, but when he catches the attention of his roommate Walker he discovers that being the one that everyone wants just might be a curse. Walker has cursed blood running through his veins and he wants Joel to want him, invoking ancient magic he plunges himself and Joel into a spiral of shifting realities and bit by bit takes everything that made Joel popular. With each murmur of the words Want Me plunging them into a new spiral driving them both to the edge Joel has to find a way to break the curse that is haunting them both.
Want Me is a story that brings out the creep factor in major quantities and has you wondering why you can’t put the book down no matter how much you cringe. Joel wants for nothing, he is the football star, women throw themselves at him and everyone loves him, but when Walker, his roommate, invokes a spell everything changes and his life spirals out of control. Walker just wants Joel to want him but it never works, with each new life spiral mistakes happen, resentment seethes and adjustments have to be made, but the only hope he has is that the next spiral will be the right one, the one where Joel wants him.
When this story was offered for review I jumped at the chance squealing in joy, Thommie, my fellow reviewer, said ‘it sounds kinda creepy’ and I replied (thinking she was nuts) ‘of course it is, it’s by Rowan McBride’ and we settled the fact that this story is creepy, mega creepy. Rowan McBride has a way of writing stories that are creepy, but somehow brings the characters together so they fall in love in a setting you would never envisage love conquering. This story is really well written, the storyline is strong and creepy, the characters are beautifully written and although you feel sorry for Joel and what he is going through, you can’t help the small nugget of pity that you feel for Walker because all he really wants is for Joel to want him of his own free will… even though he goes about it the completely wrong way. You might loath Walker for what he does but that pity lingers, no matter how hard you try to push it to the side.
This story is from Joel’s perspective and you see how his character develops and changes with each spiral, you only get brief flashes through Joel of how Walker alters and grows but it is enough to understand what drives him. The storyline itself is fascinating because each life spiral runs parallel to the original with only Joel and Walker really changing, and the secondary characters reacting to the change each time as though it has always been normal. There’s some forced sex but this story carries it well, weaving it into the storyline as pivotal to the plot. The ending is brilliant and don’t stop reading after the epilogue because after the authors note there is an alternative epilogue showing us that there was an infinite amount of endings that could have been written.
I have to recommend this to those who love creepy stories, obsession, want, need, a slow developing love, understanding, changing lives and a surprising happy ending.
Review written for MM Good Book Reviews
http://mmgoodbookreviews.wordpress.co...
Joel is the king of campus, everyone loves him and wants to be with him and he loves every second of it, but when he catches the attention of his roommate Walker he discovers that being the one that everyone wants just might be a curse. Walker has cursed blood running through his veins and he wants Joel to want him, invoking ancient magic he plunges himself and Joel into a spiral of shifting realities and bit by bit takes everything that made Joel popular. With each murmur of the words Want Me plunging them into a new spiral driving them both to the edge Joel has to find a way to break the curse that is haunting them both.
Want Me is a story that brings out the creep factor in major quantities and has you wondering why you can’t put the book down no matter how much you cringe. Joel wants for nothing, he is the football star, women throw themselves at him and everyone loves him, but when Walker, his roommate, invokes a spell everything changes and his life spirals out of control. Walker just wants Joel to want him but it never works, with each new life spiral mistakes happen, resentment seethes and adjustments have to be made, but the only hope he has is that the next spiral will be the right one, the one where Joel wants him.
When this story was offered for review I jumped at the chance squealing in joy, Thommie, my fellow reviewer, said ‘it sounds kinda creepy’ and I replied (thinking she was nuts) ‘of course it is, it’s by Rowan McBride’ and we settled the fact that this story is creepy, mega creepy. Rowan McBride has a way of writing stories that are creepy, but somehow brings the characters together so they fall in love in a setting you would never envisage love conquering. This story is really well written, the storyline is strong and creepy, the characters are beautifully written and although you feel sorry for Joel and what he is going through, you can’t help the small nugget of pity that you feel for Walker because all he really wants is for Joel to want him of his own free will… even though he goes about it the completely wrong way. You might loath Walker for what he does but that pity lingers, no matter how hard you try to push it to the side.
This story is from Joel’s perspective and you see how his character develops and changes with each spiral, you only get brief flashes through Joel of how Walker alters and grows but it is enough to understand what drives him. The storyline itself is fascinating because each life spiral runs parallel to the original with only Joel and Walker really changing, and the secondary characters reacting to the change each time as though it has always been normal. There’s some forced sex but this story carries it well, weaving it into the storyline as pivotal to the plot. The ending is brilliant and don’t stop reading after the epilogue because after the authors note there is an alternative epilogue showing us that there was an infinite amount of endings that could have been written.
I have to recommend this to those who love creepy stories, obsession, want, need, a slow developing love, understanding, changing lives and a surprising happy ending.
June 4, 2016
Read this in one sitting, an enjoyable original piece of m/m para romance. A compelling story where an irreversible spell compels one character (Walker Cain) to leech the substance from the other (Joel Beckett) each time they make love, drawing them into a parallel life to their present one. We are given an alternate ending, I preferred the first one however.
'My cell phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and flipped it open. "Hello?"
"Want me."
Hot, carnal desire spun through my body. Every trace of humor vanished as I closed the phone and slipped it back into my pocket. "April." I stood, my breath already coming hard. "I've got to go."'
'My cell phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and flipped it open. "Hello?"
"Want me."
Hot, carnal desire spun through my body. Every trace of humor vanished as I closed the phone and slipped it back into my pocket. "April." I stood, my breath already coming hard. "I've got to go."'
March 20, 2009
This book was much darker than I expected. I liked it, but I was surprised by it.
March 18, 2015
This was an incredibly unique story. I found the writing a bit stiff, causing it to take a bit longer for me to get into. But eventually I did and I was surprised how much I really felt for the characters. I wasn't really sure if this was the type of book that would get an HEA. Was it a romance? Was it headed in that direction at all? I found that I hoped it did.
As wrong as Walker's action may have been, I really felt sorry for him. He seemed so innocent and clueless about the world. About right and wrong. He didn't really understand how to treat Joel properly, or that you shouldn't steal the freewill of someone you love. But the trials he put himself and Joel through changed him on the inside almost as much as on the outside, and he learned a lot. I really learned to see him in a new light. As did Joel.
Joel was quite incredible. He was put through hell and he fought hard. He may have almost given up a few times, but in the end he is the one that saved himself and Walker. Although his feelings for Walker didn't come across very clearly. His change of heart could have been more gradual. He claimed he hated Walker, but a lot of times he tried to be nice to him because he felt sorry for him. Also he knew how much a kind word coming from him would mean to Walker. Of course he was also incredibly attracted to him. But I never really felt that it was more than that until the end. I felt that his feelings for Walker sort of just conveniently appeared in order to resolve the problem.
I was really hoping for something more epically romantic in the end. It was still romantic I guess. And I did love all Walker's declarations of loyalty and devotion, however creepy. This book is definitely for people who enjoy a morally ambiguous story, and stories where you are not entirely sure whether you are supposed to like the MCs, or what exactly it is you are even rooting for. I love that feeling.
As wrong as Walker's action may have been, I really felt sorry for him. He seemed so innocent and clueless about the world. About right and wrong. He didn't really understand how to treat Joel properly, or that you shouldn't steal the freewill of someone you love. But the trials he put himself and Joel through changed him on the inside almost as much as on the outside, and he learned a lot. I really learned to see him in a new light. As did Joel.
Joel was quite incredible. He was put through hell and he fought hard. He may have almost given up a few times, but in the end he is the one that saved himself and Walker. Although his feelings for Walker didn't come across very clearly. His change of heart could have been more gradual. He claimed he hated Walker, but a lot of times he tried to be nice to him because he felt sorry for him. Also he knew how much a kind word coming from him would mean to Walker. Of course he was also incredibly attracted to him. But I never really felt that it was more than that until the end. I felt that his feelings for Walker sort of just conveniently appeared in order to resolve the problem.
I was really hoping for something more epically romantic in the end. It was still romantic I guess. And I did love all Walker's declarations of loyalty and devotion, however creepy. This book is definitely for people who enjoy a morally ambiguous story, and stories where you are not entirely sure whether you are supposed to like the MCs, or what exactly it is you are even rooting for. I love that feeling.
September 16, 2015
2.75 stars
This is another story from the author that revolves around size difference between its two MC’s (see One Shot). It seems to be a thing.
But there's a really interesting concept in this one… a clever twist on the Narcissus myth. Falling in love with an image of yourself.
When, with the help of magic, the two guys in this story change places— literally, the smaller/enamored, Walker, swaps bodies with the larger/super jock, Joel— we get a morality play on giving in to obsession (the pit-falls of navel-gazing) and choosing between good and evil. The control that Walker asserts and maintains over the god-like Joel is titillating at first and as it unwinds to a frightening role-reversal. There’s an added element of a family curse riffing off the curse of loneliness that the two young men also deal with.
And, how fitting to set this in the world of football, a sport that is self-obsessed— devoted to physical dominance and perfection, and the crafting of man-made idols.
Still, I couldn’t summon much empathy for Joel and Walker. Their story really, really creeped me out. I mostly kept reading just to see where it would all go, what the outcome would be for them. The story read more like a cautionary tale/horror story than a romance, and its ending was not a surprise (in fact, I wished that the author had gone farther). In the end… an interesting concept.
May 2, 2015
This was the oldest book on my To-Read shelf. I added it in February 2009. Five years ago. I'm not sure why it took me that long to read it. I think like a lot of other people who have let it sit and flounder for so long, I wasn't sure what to expect and thought it would be too creepy. I've read, and enjoyed, a lot of VERY creepy, dark stuff in the last few years so this book was not nearly as angst inducing as I thought it might be. It's very well written and takes us on a journey that is difficult to imagine and sometimes difficult to read. Throughout most of the story I am struck by Joel's stoicism. He gets angry and frustrated but he keeps moving forward. Even when he stumbles, he eventually rises to the occasion. I enjoyed the deeper meanings of this book and while I don't know how intentional it was, there was a profound lesson that one could take away from this story. Redemption, forgiveness, Karma... I quite liked this book and am glad I finally got around to reading it.
December 4, 2010
This story was odd, but quite interesting. Long but worth it. In its own way I was reminded of the flick Freaky Friday, but so different.
Imagine if you will you have the shy boy and the football jock sharing a room with this young man. You man infatuates with the body of the jock and places a spell so the jock reacts every time the words 'Want Me' are spoken. Each time the young shy man has an orgasm their bodies are altered where eventually the roles are reversed. Curse? Obsession? Jealousy? Desire? I'm still trying to figure that one out so you'll have to read this one in order to come to your own conclusion.
I personally had to keep reading it just to see how the story would end. I'm not one that reads the ending first and then gets to the story. :gasps: It's a SIN too!
You can like/hate the characters. It's a coin toss between the two and a fine line only the reader can conclude.
Imagine if you will you have the shy boy and the football jock sharing a room with this young man. You man infatuates with the body of the jock and places a spell so the jock reacts every time the words 'Want Me' are spoken. Each time the young shy man has an orgasm their bodies are altered where eventually the roles are reversed. Curse? Obsession? Jealousy? Desire? I'm still trying to figure that one out so you'll have to read this one in order to come to your own conclusion.
I personally had to keep reading it just to see how the story would end. I'm not one that reads the ending first and then gets to the story. :gasps: It's a SIN too!
You can like/hate the characters. It's a coin toss between the two and a fine line only the reader can conclude.
May 1, 2013
I couldn't decide whether I should rate this 1 star or 5 stars. The beginning of the book was so disturbing, I hated Cain. I don't think it was even dubious consent, there was no doubt. Although it deeply disturbs me to know that Joel is taken against his free will, Rowan McBride has such a way with words, I couldn't stop reading. Even now, I cannot believe the story has ended. I would like to read more about them. What happens after everything goes back to normal? I was kind of expecting both of them to return to their original bodies. It's a spiral though, not a circle. I still want to punish Cain some more though. Anyway, I recommend this book, but proceed at your own risk :P
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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