This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism

by Ashton Applewhite

From childhood on, we're barraged by messages that it's sad to be old. That wrinkles are embarrassing, and old people useless. Author and activist Ashton Applewhite believed them too until she realized where this prejudice comes from and the damage it does. Lively, funny, and deeply researched, This Chair Rocks traces Applewhite's journey from apprehensive boomer to pro-aging radical, and in the process debunks myth after myth about late life.
The book explains the roots of ageism in history and in our own age denial and how it divides and debases, examines how ageist myths and stereotypes cripple the way our brains and bodies function, looks at ageism in the workplace and the bedroom, exposes the cost of the all-American myth of independence, critiques the portrayal of olders as burdens to society, describes what an all-age-friendly world would look like, and concludes with a rousing call to action.
It's time to create a world of age equality by making discrimination on the basis of age as unacceptable as any other kind. Whether you're older or hoping to get there, this book will shake you by the shoulders, cheer you up, make you mad, and change the way you see the rest of your life. Age pride!

Genres: Nonfiction, Sociology, Politics, Philosophy, Feminism, Social Justice, Psychology

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 15, 2016

About the author

Ever the late bloomer, I didn't start writing till I was in my 40s. My first serious book, Cutting Loose: Why Women Who End Their Marriages Do So Well, was published by HarperCollins in 1997. Ms. magazine called it “rocket fuel for launching new lives.” It landed me on Phyllis Schlafly’s Eagle Forum enemies list and an invite to join the board of the nascent Council on Contemporary Families, a group of distinguished family scholars.
The catalyst for Cutting Loose was puzzlement: why was our notion of women’s lives after divorce (visualize depressed dame on barstool) so different from the happy and energized reality? A similar question gave rise to This Chair Rocks: “Why is our view of late life so unrelievedly grim when the lived reality is so different? I began blogging about aging and ageism in 2007. Since that time, I have been recognized by the New York Times, National Public Radio, and the American Society on Aging as an expert on ageism.
Currently, I speak widely at venues that have included the TED Mainstage and the United Nations, blog at ThisChairRocks.com, and am the voice of Yo, Is This Ageist?. I’ve written for Harper’s, The Guardian, and the New York Times. I was a staff writer at the American Museum of Natural History for almost 20 years, quitting in 2017 to become a full-time writer and activist. I was honored to be included in Salt Magazine’s list of the world’s "100 most inspiring women"—along with Angelina Jolie, Elizabeth Warren, Amal Clooney, Aung San Suu Kyi, Naomi Klein, and other remarkable activists—committed to social change.

Reviews

[Will Byrnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have had a life. I married twice, was in the room when two of my three entered the world. I helped them grow through infancy and childhood into beautiful, talented, bright and loving adults. I have lost both parents, three sisters, and in-laws as well.

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who are older and those would like to be. Ashton Applewhite’s book, This Chair Rocks, shines a bright light on a labeling system that affects everyone on earth. Whether we are called addled, senior citizens, golden agers, coots, old farts, old fucks, old bitches or a host of other derogatories, we are separated from the rest of humanity when such labels are applied, separated from the presumed (younger) norm. We become outsiders. Just as black athlete is somehow a separate species, a woman president is presumed to be less capable, and an Islamic terrorist more unspeakable than a garden-variety terrorist, we can be cast into the soylent sphere by labels. And such casting harms not only those being tossed but those doing the tossing.


Ashton Applewhite - from Seniorplanet.org

I have had a life. I cheered for Mets and Jets since their birth, and wept more times than not. I played on championship teams in my youth and led youth teams as an adult to both glory and painful defeat. I have hit for the cycle and swung and missed.

Applewhite covers a wide array of subjects while considering things like how ageist attitudes legitimize maltreatment of olders, the impact of internalizing false notions of aging, and how the world pathologizes getting on in years. She looks at the language of ageism, the realities of aging and mental acuity (there are some surprises there), and how this impacts health care, physical and mental. She looks at the stigmatization of disability, at sexuality for olders, retirement and self-esteem.

I have had a life. In the 1950s, I watched a black and white from our living room floor, saw it change color, go big, go flat, go small, go cabled, go tubeless and go wireless. I listened to radio dramas on our kitchen radio, saw the arrival of transistors, and now hear bedtime podcasts on a charging iPad. I saw phones go from rotary to digital and watched them cede their wires to the past, and even go all Dick Tracy.

Applewhite goes into considerable detail in showing how the bias towards older people (she uses the term olders, so I am going with that here) that pervades this and many other societies, is based largely on falsehoods, and causes real harm,

Condescension actually shortens lives. What professionals call “elderspeak”—the belittling “sweeties” and “dearies” that people use to address older people—does more than rankle. It reinforces stereotypes of incapacity and incompetence, which leads to poorer health, including shorter lifespans. People with positive perceptions of aging actually live longer–a whopping 7.5 years longer on average—in large part because they’re motivated to take better care of themselves.

She includes several sections titled PUSH BACK, in which she offers suggestions for actions we can take to resist ageism when we encounter it, and things we can do to keep ourselves healthy.

I have had a life. I saw as much 50s sci-fi as I could, saw 2001 when it was new, and still in the future, and Star Wars and Star Trek from the start.

Lengthening lifetimes is one of the ways we measure human progress, and by that measure, we have done quite nicely. We live ten years longer than our grandparents. In the USA, in the 20th century, life spans increased a jaw-dropping 30 years. But our culture has not yet caught up with the facts. There are many things in here that will surprise you. Applewhite has separated the bull from the...um…poo, and pointed out many of the inaccuracies in what passes for common wisdom.

We reinforce the association with constant nervous reference to forgetfulness and “senior moments.” I used to think those quips were self-deprecatingly cute, until it dawned on me that when I lost the car keys in high school, I didn’t call it a “junior moment.” Any prophecy about debility, whether or not it comes true, dampens our aspirations and damages our sense of self—especially when it comes to brain power. The damage is magnified by the glum and widespread assumption that, somewhere down the line, dementia is inevitable.

I have had a life, but sometimes it is difficult to remember all of it. Of course this is not because of my age, in particular. I began keeping a diary when I was 15 because I could not remember all the New Years Eves of my short existence. I recently mislaid my glasses, and was never able to find them. But then, when I was ten years old, I lost my treasured baseball glove. I never found that either. Some traits seem to follow us through the years, however many there may be.

Applewhite points out that there are plenty of ways for labeled groups to move forward together. Social Security is in no danger of going bankrupt or of devastating the nation’s economy. It can be sustained by marginally increasing the range of salary that is subject to Social Security tax. Medicare could fare a lot better if the rules that forbade it from exercising its market power were relaxed. Really, Medicare is not even allowed to try to get the best prices from drug manufacturers? Whose interests are served by that particular form of insanity?

I have had a life. I’ve been Everly’d, Diddly’d, and Valens’d, and Darin’d. Been Elvis’d and Berry’d, and Buddy’d, and Ray’d. I sat in the mud with the hundreds of thousands, alone in the mass as the heavenly played. Near the stage at the Bitter End for Ronstadt and others, and loudly at Max’s KC for the Dolls. There just was so much music, I caught a few notes, but wished there was some way to go hear it all. I’ve been 4-Seasoned, 4-Topped, Beach Boy’d, Supremed. Been ELP’d at Wembley, and at the Garden, I got Creamed. Saw Towshend at the Round House, stood for Tina at the beach. Saw Zeppelin rock in Flushing. And I wish that each and every band I’ve seen up close could keep on playing. Some are gone, but I’m just saying. I’ve been Peter, Paul and Mary’d. I’ve been Dylan’d and been Seeger’d, and seen a stage or two where all the players looked beleaguered. I’ve been Yessed, and been Pink Floyded. I been Bowied and been Banded. I’ve been Beatled, Stoned and Dave Clark Fived, and I’ve been hotly Canneded. I dared to breathe at the Filmore East when the ever Grateful Dead made it seem that life and youth were qualities that we would never shed. I’ve been Ike’d and I’ve been Nixoned, JFK’d and LBJ’d. I’ve been Reaganed, Bushed and Bushed again, and I’ve been MLK’d. I’ve been Cartered and been Clintoned, been Obama’d. It may be that by the time you read this I will have been DJT’d.

Applewhite looks at many of the canards that prevail, like olders taking jobs from youngers, the old benefiting at the expense of the young, the relative flow of resources, the inevitability of cognitive decline. As for the senior boom, that we have so many more older people than we once did should be seen as a benefit not a problem. Older people have experience that can and should be employed to help solve old, new, and ongoing societal problems. Not all old people are wise, any more than all younger people are energetic, but we have a considerable base of been-there-done-that from which to draw. Enough of us have valuable and relevant experience and skills that could be put to good use.

Especially in the emotional realm, older brains are more resilient. As we turn eighty, brain imaging shows frontal lobe changes that improve our ability to deal with negative emotions like anger, envy, and fear. Olders experience less social anxiety, and fewer social phobias. Even as its discrete processing skills degrade, the normal aging brain enables greater emotional maturity, adaptability to change, and levels of well-being.

I have had a life. I’ve gone to college and grad school. I have studied abroad, and had a broad or two study me. (sorry). Been hired, laid off, fired, went back to school and started over, back at the bottom. Been laid off again. I have toiled in several lines of work over the decades. Drove a cab, went postal, was a planner of health systems and a systems analyst for employers large and small, a guard and a dispatcher, and a few things beside. In 2001, I was laid off from my job as a systems analyst, after spending thirteen years at the firm, and over twenty in the field. I was not only never able to get another job in my chosen profession, I was never able to get an interview. It’s not like I was God’s gift to computer programming. But I was certainly competent enough to have been kept on by one of the largest financial institutions on the planet for over a decade. It’s not that I was priced out. I would have accepted pretty much anything. I was essentially kicked out of my field because of my age. AT 47!!!! All that experience not put to use by some business because they could not see past the age label. What a waste.

We all know, or should know, that Republicans are particularly gifted at the old game of divide and conquer. It worked great in the UK recently, when right wing-xenophobes persuaded working people, yet again, to vote against their own interests by stoking fear of the other. It has worked pretty well in the USA too. It is what’s the matter with Kansas. Faced with electing people who would work to bolster union rights and voting for people who promise to keep those damned immigrants and minorities in their place, far too many working people seem more than ready to vote to enslave themselves further. We are as addicted to labels as the residents of a crack house are to their pipe. Fear-mongering is being used today for the same purpose it has always served, as a way to gain working and middle class support for policies that are anti labor, policies that pad the wallets of the already rich. Bush the junior tried his best to persuade the nation that privatizing Social Security would prevent the elderly from taking unfair advantage of the young. Labels are used as a way of manipulating people. They can do real damage, even if they sometimes fail to accomplish their mission.

I have had a life. I saw Rocky in the West End before it crossed the pond and Sweeney Todd and Lovett’s first repast. Sondheim’s a god. Saw Shakespeare in the park, Hair, and Oh, Calcutta, Cats, Les Miz, The Phantom, Cabaret, and more, but really that’s not nearly enough, off Broadway or on. Saw my kids in all their school shows, and survived some of my own.

Homo sap is a species that revels in labels. Us/them, Commie/Nazi, Winner/Loser, Black/White, the more dichotomous the better. And we seem to have more of the negative sort than the positive. Labeling offers shorthand, a macro reference, one word, maybe two, that allows us to redirect our brains away from the difficult and energy consuming task of considering and examining whole lives, freeing them up for the more satisfying activity of indulging our desires and impulses. How many are doomed to invisibility beneath labels? We are labeled because it makes things easier, and we are a species that values simplicity.

I have had a life. I walked London streets in almost Victorian twilight as the energy crisis dimmed English streetlamps. I hitchhiked in the USA, in Britain and the continent. Saw sunset from Ullapool, played guitar and sang in a club in Copenhagen, had the best breakfast of my life in Rotterdam, saw the most beautiful city ever, in Paris, twice. I lived a while in Saint John’s Wood. I have seen a fair portion of North America and visited a decent sample of Europe. I have taken photographs of an active volcano from a helicopter with no doors. I have seen some of the most stunning landscapes on Earth. I’ve been to Coney Island, Hershey Park, and Disney World and Land, and Freedomland, Six Flags and Universal, Palisades and Rye and a World’s Fair or two that raised my spirit high. Seen the sights that one can see in NY, Boston, and DC. There is so much history, in Philly, Baltimore and Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont, as much to learn as you could ever want.

There are many who, if they spotted me sitting or standing in a subway car, or walking down the street would see the color of my hair, note its retreat from my forehead, spot the lines that brace my eyes, and the forward tilt of my spine and see one thing only, age. All the rest would remain forever hidden beneath the large sticky-backed label that fits so nicely over another human being.

I have had a life. My hair has been military short and long enough for a real pony. I have smoked and toked, popped and snorted, but stopped before I self-aborted. I am tall, although not as tall as I once was. I am a little bit fat and my body has less speed and strength than it once possessed. Maybe the additional mass is because I am a storehouse of the history of my time, a sculptor of my experience into an image of my era. I have read thousands of books, tens of thousands of newspapers and magazines, and untold on-line articles. I have participated in a vast number of discussions, attended god-knows-how-many lectures, and watched a gazillion hours of documentary and news on TV. I know a thing or two.

I have had a life. I have been mugged, been in fistfights, and suffered a near catastrophic injury in an industrial accident. I have protested war and inhumanity and been struck with billy clubs for daring to speak. I have seen a thug slam a boy’s head into a brick wall.

There is a wealth of information in this relatively short volume. The chapters are divided up into many short sub-sections, so you can take it in a bit at a time if you like. I found some of the sections repetitive, and found one famous quote misattributed (it was from Anatole France, not Voltaire). There is a significant shortage of humor here, but, then, this is not a particularly funny subject. It is rich with surprising facts, which is one of the great strengths of the book. For example, older people suffer from depression less than younger people.

I have had a life. I was chilled by Sputnik’s beep, and was warmed as I watched, along with all humanity, an ageless dream realized with a single step. I have seen my city burn, flood, and go dark. I stood in the wind-blown unspeakable snow when my city was ravaged, and saw a new tower sprout on the memory of the lost.

I have read quite a lot in my time, and it was inevitable that some of the material here would be old news, but I still found many new things to be learned in This Chair Rocks. I found, also, that Applewhite’s manifesto caused me to reconsider some attitudes and behaviors that I had thoughtlessly indulged. Consciousness raised. Check. It will make you more aware, too, of many things you had not noticed before. I cannot thank Ashton Applewhite enough for writing This Chair Rocks. It most certainly does.

I have had a life. It is diverse and rich with experience, memory, history and emotion. But listen up. I am STILL having a life and intend to for as long as I possibly can. Do not dismiss me because of my white hair. My white hair kicks ass. Do not dismiss me because of my wrinkles. They are the evidence of a lifetime of laughter. Do not dismiss me because I am slightly bent. I can and will straighten up if I need to throw a punch or block a blow. I am a smarter person than I have ever been. I am a more knowledgeable person than I have ever been. I am probably a wiser person than I have ever been. I am a better writer, photographer, and I would say a better person than I have ever been. I have loved and I have hated, and wept until the tears abated. Jimi Hendrix said “I’ll die when it’s my time to die.” I will certainly do that. I may not be wealthy; I may not be important, I may not be particularly athletic; I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed; and I may not be beautiful. But I am somebody, and I have worth. I may be older but I will be here a while yet and I have plenty to offer, a lot left to experience, and a lot still to accomplish. I realize that I may not have had the best of all possible lives. There is much I have not done, much I have not seen, much I have not experienced. But I do not need an angel named Clarence to tell me that it’s been a wonderful life. I may or may not be having the time of my life, but I have definitely had a life of my times. Do not bury me under a label. Do not make me invisible behind a number. I’m still here, much more in store. I am older. Watch me SOAR!!!!

Now get the hell off my lawn, you goddam kids, before I call the cops.

Review first posted – July 29, 2016

Published – May 23, 2016

Applewhite sent me the book in return for an honest review.

Because Goodreads twice reduced the number of characters allowed in reviews since I wrote this, I have added the complete review to my site, Coot's Reviews including the EXTRA STUFF portion of the review.

[Trevor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this book much more than I was expecting to. The title is cute, but I had no idea of the gender of the author when I started reading it, Ashton not being a name I’d seen before as a first name, an not one that screams ‘girl’ to me. Actually, it sort of screamed boy, to be honest, so there was a point during this where I did that doubletake thing you do when you realise George Eliot or Miles Franklin or Henry Handel Richardson aren’t quite what you guessed from the label on the box.

I think she would probably be happy with this confusion – a large part of the point of this book is that we spend far too much time judging people by the boxes we have stuffed them into, the social stereotypes we fit them into for the sake of convenience. But while we don’t particularly like being called sexist, racist, ableist or homophobes, ageism – like classism – are the last of the forms of discrimination that are more or less socially accepted.

If you want to read a book on classism as an acceptable form of discrimination, I recommend Chavs by Owen Jones. But at least with the demonization of the working class there is a chance you might not actually be from the working class – so, it kind of makes sense. The strange thing about ageism is that in the best of all possible worlds, we all want to become old – the alternative being utter shite.

So, we are in the bizarre position where we are each preparing the way for our own treatment as second or even third-class citizens. This book challenges many of the stereotypes we associate with old people along the way, but I’m not going to restate these in any depth. Fortunately, it isn’t a book that says that you don’t have to grow old, or that there are magic pills or an exercise routine or set or religious beliefs that will stop you growing old. The advice is much better than this – it is that there is literally stuff-all you can do about growing old, and anything you do as a cosmetic way to help you appear to be younger than you are (injections, operations, lifts, tucks) are all likely to make you look paradoxically older than you actually are. The perfect case in point being those men I see sometimes on TV who seem to lead European countries who are, I don’t know, 70? But who always have jet black hair. Jet black hair and pasty white skin – it doesn’t get too much more attractive than that – if you are American and never get to see European leaders on TV, think Rudy Giuliani’s melting hair moment. They are the sort of men who, if you asked them, would be likely to say that they have kept their hair so dark because they eat so much fish. There was a time when I would think, ‘who the hell do they think they are they fooling’ – but now I suspect they don’t think they are fooling anyone, not even themselves.

The problem isn’t them, of course, it is capitalism. Capitalism can’t work if you don’t buy stuff, lots of stuff – and you will only buy stuff if you are dissatisfied with yourself. Aging is a damn good reason to become dissatisfied with yourself and capitalism hones in on any form of potential dissatisfaction. As we get older, we are likely to forget things (but as someone else said somewhere or other, go past any Primary School after school and see all the stuff the kids have left behind – we forget things at every age, but we provide special treatment for those over 45). As we get older we get slower. We get wrinkles. We find it harder to get out of chairs. All of this can feel like a neon light flashing over our heads. Except, that as Erving Goffman says in Stigma, the ‘normal’ man is anything but the ‘average’ man, but the normal man is what we all aspire to be. To quote him, “in an important sense there is only one complete unblemished male in America: a young, married, white, urban, northern, heterosexual Protestant father of college education, fully employed, of good complexion, weight, and height, and a recent record in sports”. The further you move away from any aspect of this ideal, the more you need to ‘compensate’ and the more you are likely to feel you need to display what unifies you again with this ideal. And all of that takes money – spent in the beauty parlour, the gym, the hair-dresser or the plastic surgeon’s chair (do they plastic in chairs? I really don’t know).

The bit of this that I found really interesting was towards the end. I already think that we need to move beyond our grossly age segregated society – as someone who is getting close to 60 and who gets to spend quite a lot of time with people in their mid-20s, I have to say, it really is a very nice thing, I can’t recommend it too highly. But the bit I found really interesting was the bit that reminded me of some books I’d read about a decade ago on happiness. Just about the only thing you learn from books on happiness is that we really have no idea at all what will make us happy. If it was not quite so tragic, it would be funny – it would almost be worth trying the exact opposite of what you think will make you happy as a life strategy – that’s how bad we are at guessing... In fact, if you believed in a god, I think perhaps the idea that we are so pathetically hopeless at guessing what might makes us happy would have to be some kind of proof that god is a complete arse.

But given we are so terrible at guessing what might make us happy, this also means that we are also terrible at guessing what we will want out of life when we get old. There’s even a song that says, “hope I die before I get old”. Turns out that our last years are often our happiest – not always, obviously, but much more often than we tend to think. So, while in our 40s and 50s we think – I must get a ‘do not resuscitate’ tattoo over my heart, we are much less likely to actually think that when it becomes an immediate reality. Again, not always, but often enough for us to not be too smug in assuming and listing all of the things we would rather be dead if…

She quotes Dr Thomas Finucane “whose mantra was a Mexican saying: ‘The appearance of the bull changes when you enter the ring.’” I really love that. I think it is fabulous. We spend far too much time assuming we know what we will want if various things happen to us, but most of those things relate to remaining the same as we are now, maybe even becoming a little better over time. But this is our rejection of aging, based on our terror of it. The terrified are the most easily manipulated. The fact is that aging isn’t going anywhere any time soon. Learning to accept it just seems a hell of a lot better to me than ending up looking like one of those guys with the black hair pretending to eat fish.

[Corvus · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had extremely high hopes for Ashton Applewhite's "This Chair Rocks." I try to remain up to speed on how to fight oppression in general, but ageism is definitely something I could stand to learn more about. As a 36 year old, I am able to escape (for now) a lot of the ageism that older and younger people face. Thus, I want to know what part I can play in combating ageism. The book did not completely fail in giving me some ideas and teaching me to think differently here or there, but overall an extremely important topic ended up completely drowning in the author's unchecked white-centrism and lack of understanding and experience of oppressions other than ageism and (white) womanhood. I am white, so I am sure there are even more things I will miss in this review. This is normally a book I would have considered putting down, but I wanted to make sure I experienced the whole thing to give a much needed comprehensive review since it a new edition is due out. This is especially important given Applewhite's reach and appeal to wider (I would guess predominantly white) audiences.

There are some things Applewhite does well with this book, so I will begin with those. I felt the writing style itself was fairly accessible. She does attempt to mention how other oppressions are connected to ableism (albeit failing much of the time, which I discuss more later.) I found her discussion of alzheimer's and other forms of dementia to be important and challenged the way I thought about these disorders and the ways people live with them. The sections on sex and dating were ok, dispelling myths that older people somehow shut down in these areas after a certain age. Applewhite is very passionate about the subject and is charting territory in ways that are not as well charted as some other struggles, so props to her for that. Unfortunately, the good things I have to say about this book end there.

One glaringly problematic detail about this book is how she tackles ageism as something only affecting older people. This was a missed opportunity to get deeply into the ways that ageism affects youth and as a result, leads to some faulty conclusions on her part. One example was her stating that people care less or attend less to older people when they have health problems, stemming from the "they're going to die anyways," sentence forced upon people. This is true, but she juxtaposed it with suggestions that younger people are taken more seriously and cared about more when they become sick which I can assure you is not true in many cases. As a person who had to go through the whole social security disability process in their 30s, the belief that I am too young to be sick and whatnot has tainted my experiences. These kinds of ageism stem from the same root and could have made such a better argument if analyzed together. There are many other examples where Applewhite missed an opportunity to discuss the spectrum of ageism and limited herself and her argument to "olders." There are ways to discuss the parts of youth that are valued in US American culture without ignoring that youth, especially those under 18, also face ageism. It is not that she never mentions younger people, but I can probably count on both hands the number of sentences in the entire book that included them.

The next thing that needs to be discussed is the thing that bothered me most about reading this book. Applewhite regularly mentions other oppressions and "intersectionality" throughout her book. But, her lack of understanding of them and of how intersectionality actually works caused her efforts to to be tokenizing at best. She does occasionally mention that marginalized older people do struggle more, but it is rare and in passing, overall making the image of the person suffering ageism to be a white older person. This was especially evident in the common white, liberal, single-issue activism mistake of repeating something to the tune of "we no longer tolerate racism, sexism, or homophobia but we still tolerate ageism." It left me wondering just how sheltered Applewhite is if she is so comfortable suggesting these oppressions are somehow over. This gets even worse when she starts making insulting comparisons that not only create a binary of white older person or Black/gay/disabled/etc other person, but are downright bothersome I am sure even to people who aren't as immersed in leftist lingo as I am. Granted, some of these things are quotes from others, but quotes she celebrates and cosigns.

Some examples of tokenism and ignorance are her celebration of the phrase "when you become old you become black," her comparison of US American slavery to modern day ageist discrimination in the workplace, her honoring of her husband confronting a bouncer for calling him grandpa for saying in response something like "that would be similar to me calling you the n-word," claiming she wants (cisgender heterosexual) older people to consider adopting the term "age queer," comparisons between disability justice and the fight against ageism while littering the book with casual ableism (more on this in the next paragraph,) the use of the words "women and blacks" and a possibly unintentional suggestion that the "women's movement" could not be both, and other examples. Basically, Applewhite seems to care more about tokenizing oppressions she does not suffer for her thesis than she does actually understanding and fighting these oppressions. This is something I do think she cares about though and could definitely grow on, but the book has been out for years and I am reviewing the newest edition that came out in March. Thus, it still mirrors many of the issues found when white liberal cis women lead a conversation. This means someone looking at the current state of the USA with neo-nazis marching the streets, mass deportations, the executions of Black, Brown and Indigenous people in the street by police, the banning of trans people from various things, a vice president who supports gay conversion therapy, and so on and claim that racism and homophobia are no longer acceptable, but ageism is. It was infuriating that it happened over and over.

Next I want to focus specifically on disability because of how intertwined it is with ageing. This book is full of casual and some not-so-casual ableism. The most frequent kind is the need to focus on the "productive" older people and to dispel myths that older people are a drain on society rather than fighting against the idea that one must be capitalistically productive or active for one to have worth at all. There are times she almost goes there but then draws back. I think it is perfectly acceptable to highlight the diversity of peoples needs and abilities throughout ageing. I think this was executed badly in this book. With how much Applewhite brings up ableism, I was hoping she would have had a better hold on the core tenets of ableist oppression. Many other oppressions are in some way rooted in ableism, especially ageism. I wish she would have done a better job attacking the idea that for us to matter we must be productive, active, fit, etc. There was also a section about chronic pain that was one of the worst in the book. Strangely enough, it followed a section about how important it is for older people not to be isolated. She celebrates a woman who claims that she will walk out of the room if her friends mention any health problems they are having, because she wants to hear "about their life" instead. Applewhite goes on to say no one, except maybe your mom, wants to hear about your ailments. This is once again placing abled older people in the worthier position and requires that unhealthy disabled/chronically ill people in general lie when asked the age old question, "How are you?" in order to avoid making abled people feel uncomfortable. One can make a point that ageing doesn't always involve suffering without stomping on those who are suffering. I can't think of anything more isolating than knowing a friend would walk out of the room if you confided to her that you had just been diagnosed with metastatic cancer or that you need a knee replacement. Applewhite further goes on to talk about how physical therapy "fixed" her and her daughter's pain and made other statements consistent with someone who does not understand what it is like to deal with severe chronic pain that can't be fixed- something common in many of the most isolated disabled and/or older people.

These and other examples made me often ask myself, "Did Applewhite read her own book before sending it to be published?" She contradicts herself so often that I sometimes struggle to know what she believes. The conclusion of the book does offer some decent suggestions for combating ageism, both internalized and externalized. The book isn't 100% bad. But, it is so clouded with problems and limitations that I cannot recommend it as a worthwhile read. I wish I had something I could suggest in it's place instead.

This was also posted to my blog.

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A refreshing way to look at growing older and at the ageist biases in our country. I was forced to confront some of my own, unknown until now, ageist beliefs and I think of myself as an older person who is somewhat enlightened.

Applewhite presents a beautiful case for celebrating growing older (as my mother always said, think of the alternative) and questions the ideas many of us have about it. Medical care for older people is not, as I thought, a big percentage of our country's medical expenditure (7%) and most people do not end up in institutions. Further, I was cheered to learn that the older a person is, the less they fear death; the more they enjoy living in the present.

Of course, there are things we can do to make our life more pleasant and ourselves healthier as we age. Exercise and diet are important. But most of the fears people have about growing old seem mired in a culture that idolizes youth and a false sense of autonomy as opposed to interdependence. At every age, we need others but certainly more so at the beginning and end of our lives. But why is that a tragedy?

I feel inspired to take back my life and stop mourning my youth. There are many gifts in growing older (I look forward to retiring in a couple of years and spending more time doing the things I love). Many of the problems of older age are institutional: people are being fired as they grow "old" (in their 50s) and can't find work. Then they are blamed for being a "burden" on society. All of which is connected to a capitalist society that does not value the vulnerable or see any worth in life outside of producing money.

I'm glad I read this book, especially since I've been struggling with birthday blues. I need to reevaluate my thinking and think about what my dreams are for the rest of my life.

[Valdimar · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wish I could recommend this book. I've been confronting my own ageist attitudes as a medical student at the geriatric ward and hoped to read something that could articulate how ageism works and what to do about it. To some extent this book does this. I can forgive the cutesy journo style (makes it more accessible I guess), but I can only take so much of an author recounting her friends comments in a "very interesting thread" under her facebook status.

But the part that made me write this off as tone-deaf blindly privileged liberal nonsense was the part where the author's husband gets called "grandpa" by a bouncer:

"Bob went over to him and said quietly 'I get that you think it's cute to call me 'Grandpa', but I don't like being noticed mainly for my age, especially in this context. It feels something like what I imagine it might be like for someone to call you the N-word.'"

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Food for thought...

4 ish Stars

Read on kindle

[Will Ansbacher · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a worthwhile read but not quite as ground-breaking as I’d been led to believe. It’s very good at dispelling negative perceptions about aging, excellent on losing independence and the end of life, but a bit too polemical regarding ageism.

It’s well organized in chapters covering ageism, memory loss, health, sexuality, the workplace, declining independence and end of life. Each chapter consists of sections that read like blog-sized nibbles. In fact the book might have written as a blog, as there’s quite a lot of overlap (ie much repetition) between postings so it often feels like you’re re-reading the same information. Over and over again. On the other hand, some of her observations are worth repeating.

It’s well researched too, as Applewhite quotes extensively from other authors and published studies, though she tends to just quote results that conveniently reinforce arguments she’s making, leaving it up to us to ferret out the supporting evidence from the references at the end:
eg, when discussing longer [healthy] lives as an indicator of progress, she quotes speakers at a seminar who refer to the “longevity revolution” as “an extraordinary opportunity to solve almost all of our problems” and is “potentially the biggest achievement in the history of the species.” Yeah? Well, that does sound a bit too sunny, Ashton, and not a little contentious; I can think of a number of issues it only makes worse.

And in the chapter on the workplace ( “Older Americans are damned if we work and damned if we don’t” ), she quotes research that shows “greater employment of older persons leads to better outcomes for the young – reduced unemployment, increased employment and higher wages”. So is the older gen shutting out the young - one of the commonest themes you encounter - really a misconception? Again, it would be useful to see that evidence. Applewhite says the real problem is “structural – there aren’t enough jobs”, but that’s not much of an argument to make to an unemployed youth.

Extensively-quoted research also means you have to wade through some science-y woo like this:
“Social scientists primed a group of students with negative age stereotypes by having them unscramble sentences that included words like forgetful, Florida and bingo. Afterwards, the students were observed walking to the elevator measurably more slowly than a control group.”
(I wonder what words like bionic, Superman and parkour would do?)

OK, some random observations: early on, she confronts her own misconceptions about aging, noting that old people are in the main quite content, accepting of gradual loss of function (whatever that might be), and less worried about dying the older they get.

Good chapter on debunking the “successful aging” phenomenon, which she points out is really just a denial of the eventual and inevitable loss of strength, mobility, independence or whatever. “The goal should be to stay healthy, not stay young.”

Though I must note, This Chair Rocks is very USA-oriented. Several times she mentions the profit motive as a factor in undesirable interventions, but I think she isn’t fully aware that the experience of oldies in Canada and Britain, say, isn’t that different either.

I really liked the two chapters on Independence (it’s a trap: self-sufficiency - the desire to stay in charge until the end - is no substitute for social connections) and The End of Life (fear of dying is simply human, fear of aging is cultural; but what life is worth staying alive for is both intensely personal and changes with circumstances). If you don’t want to read the whole book, at least read these two.

Her sexuality chapter, while good about disposing of the “eww” factor, and encouraging whatever levels of tenderness one feels comfortable with, still comes across as a bit excitable: a frenetic how-to list of suggestions – join this dating site! Hell, why not join several? Take Viagra! Be open to a much younger companion! Consider sharing seriously!

The final chapter addresses ageism through consciousness-raising, and here it gets a bit tedious: long lists of bad words, actions to avoid or challenge, recommended responses. But in campaigning against age discrimination like this, Applewhite comes across as a bit humourless and lacking a sense of proportion.
As someone she challenged replied to her, “I don’t know anyone who doesn’t note a decline in mental and/or physical capabilities at our age. Adding humour lessens the sting of recognizing the truth.” Yay to that.

Applewhite also mentions a blog she maintains called “Yo, is this ageist?” I looked at it and unfortunately yes, it is mainly what I expected – a platform for people looking to be offended.

In any case, I think she may have missed the boat in her fight against ageism, because a wave of us aging boomers is set to reshape everything – and make the changes she is pushing for – just as we trampled our way over previous generational norms and boundaries. “Never trust anyone over 30” may have been defiantly ageist back then, but “OK boomer” just sounds plaintive and resentful by comparison. The young have my sympathy, to be honest. Though they should read this book too.

[Giulia Goldston · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think it's worth noting that I didn't finish this book, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

I didn't love this book. Towards the beginning several good points were made, but as the book unfolded, there seemed to not be much left to say. The text is very defensive. "We are not x, y, and z." is kind of the generalist of much of this book.

However, the gesture that I found difficult at first (and then, unbearable by the three quarter way mark where I decided to drop the book) was the comparisons. Applewhite, to her credit, feels that ageism is underrepresented as a topic, and wants to use this book as a way of saying to her readers "you should take this seriously." The problem isn't that she wants readers to take it seriously, but the way she goes about doing that is...less than ideal. She primarily builds this gravity by comparing ageism to other forms of oppression. So what ends up happening is that she builds connections that don't do justice to either ageism or the other forms of oppression she discusses.

I hit my capacity when she used slavery as a way to make a point about "olders" (as she calls them) in the workplace.

Applewhite is definitely smart, and has good things to say, but maybe this book should have been eighty pages, and not 270. The book is very confused, being about ageism, combatting stigma, and also giving advice on how to live with ageism if you are older. I understand that ageism is the common theme between these ideas, but the result doesn't come across as coherently as I'd like.

All this to say, this is an interesting book. I'm honestly very glad that people are talking about ageism finally. I think that Applewhite draws many conclusions that I don't agree with, and the actual content of the book threw me for a loop several times.But such is life.

[Madeline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having been through the consciousness-raising of the 1960's around discrimination against women, I know what it feels like to have the blindfold ripped off and to see things clearly that were invisible before. That's what this book did for me. It shines a brilliant light on ageism, and it's clear that our society is riddled with it.

The book is meticulously researched and very readable while still being trenchant and funny. In the days since I finished it, I've been seeing my own attitudes and the world around me in a whole new way. Ageism is EVERYWHERE, and not least between my own ears. I'm shocked at how often my actions are motivated by a desire not to seem "old"; an example is not accepting a seat on the subway when it's offered to me. The subtext is "I don't need that seat because I'm not old. I'm still strong and capable and I can stand up all day long!" This even though I'm almost always happy to sit down on the train if I can. And let's not even start about my sometimes embarrassingly disparaging attitudes toward other people my own age!

The book doesn't just point out where ageism is hiding in plain sight, it also offers practical actions that anyone can take to call it out and fight it. And as many reviews have pointed out, it's not just older people who have an interest in taking action. After all, just about everyone alive wants to live to a ripe old age, so it's in everyone's best interest to get rid of the stigma that older people have to endure in our culture. Unlike race, gender, or sexual preference, ageism affects everyone who lives long enough.

If enough people read this book, maybe ageism will be a thing of the past before too many of us have to struggle under its oppressive weight.

[Misha Stallworth · Rating 2 out of 5]

if you're new to reading about ageing or to the conversation about ageism then this book will be great for you. the data she offers and the challenges to the ways in which our language, behavior, and attitudes about ageing are pervasive is presented in a way that is well thought out and digestible.

there are definitely moments in the book that get under my skin and in which i wish she would check her privilege more effectively--these are moments where she makes analogous considerations around combating ageism with that of race or queer-ness. At one point she references a quote that says "you become Black" when you get older; at another point she suggests that we start to consider ourselves
"age queer" as opposed to relegating ourselves to expectations based on the numbers of years we have. the points she's trying to make are one thing, the way they're made is another.

certain parts of the book are more dry than others in terms of the writing and other parts are more engaging. overall, i think it's a great intro book to ageism but not that great of a book overall

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was ignited by Ashton Applewhite's TED talk: "Let's End Ageism" and motivated to read more! The book is every bit as good as the talk, well, really it's better as there is more of it, in much more depth and it is very accessible! Her anthem at the end, "We're old, we're bold, get used to it!" combined with her spirited suggestion that, "It's time for a Radical Aging movement, and for age pride" are excellent indications of the author's dynamic approach to what many of us are afraid of, namely aging and ultimately, death. One thing I took away from it is that we need to cultivate a network of friends and avoid segregation as we age. Another is that the possibilities are endless! There is so much in this book that I loved and gave me hope that I know I will refer to it over again.

[Lynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a fascinating book about ageism. As the author points out, it is the only "ism" that eventually impacts everyone. The book is full of these insights and does a great job of defining ageism, giving examples, and suggesting remedies. For example, a friend of mine just got from the doctor. He told her "you are getting around and doing great for someone your age". OR "She is too old to be wearing that dress". This is ageism. The fact that these two examples are both women is not a surprise. Ageism is more often directed at the female gender. On the down side, I thought this book was long-winded, preachy, and sometimes condescending.

[Lynne Spreen · Rating 5 out of 5]

In This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto against Ageism, Ashton Applewhite has created an informative and entertaining guide for living the second half of our lives with confidence and power. Citing research and credible sources, she dismantles the stereotypes about older age, giving us a practical assessment of the good and the bad. She identifies common ground where all ages can value each other. Each chapter ends with a segment called Push Back! consisting of action strategies for changing our own perspectives and behavior, and that of the culture.

This Chair Rocks creates a new term: Applewhite refers to us as “olders” since most other terms are negatively perceived. The book is like a guide for navigating the second half of life. It covers everything from how the media demeans us, to older sexuality, to the economic contributions of of olders, to the way mothers, the disabled, and olders have similar needs.

Recently I fumed about an ageist stereotype being perpetrated by a national news service. Most friends were supportive, but some said I should lighten up. If I had only had This Chair Rocks to refer to, because right on page 237, Applewhite documents that this accusation of “no sense of humor” is a typical way we deflect the unpleasant evidence of ageism.

Another example: in that same news story, a national anchor bleated about millennials not being able to find jobs because Baby Boomers refused to retire. On page 157, Applewhite thoroughly debunks that economic fallacy as well.

She doesn’t glorify age, because no age is perfect. Yet one comes away from This Chair Rocks feeling more capable of savoring the good. Ashton Applewhite has done us a huge service in writing this book. I bought it in paperback so I could refer to it, dogeared and highlighted, for years to come.

[Louise Aronson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I kept starting and stopping this book and for the longest time I wasn't sure why. At first I wondered whether it was because it's not story-based, either at the book or chapter level, though there are brief anecdotes in places. Next I thought it might be because I'm writing on a related topic and reading this might confuse me. Last week I realized that whenever I picked it up, I was amazed. I have never highlighted more passages in a book, not even in school. The book is chock full of information and quotes that together make her case, drawing from studies, literature, TED talks, the internet, science, social science, and everyday life. It's not that it's hard to read in the way of a textbook - it's more lush than dense. It's a feat of compilation and curation unlike most we see - and, for me, on a topic I care about dearly (one with profound relevance for all of us) - so the only way I could truly absorb it was by reading one chapter a week. The seduction here is less at the level of story and emotion and more at the level of reason and fact, but it's all true, a herculean effort, and an important read.

[Anna Trahan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t know that I’ve ever read a book that has rocked my worldview like this one. Wow. I had no idea how much ageism is built into our culture via work place inequities, entertainment, and casual bias towards olders. I learned that ageism impacts everyone regardless of age. Our view is that young is better so teen years through 25 are supposed to be the best time of your life and for a long time I’ve been worried because I really didn’t enjoy this time of life because honestly it’s stressful? And confusing? Author notes that we continue to grow and change and become ourselves beyond this arbitrary ‘Young Time’ and that was a relief for me.

Since reading it, I see ageism everywhere, in others and myself. There were so many new concepts for me, and this book will warrant a re-read soon. Definitely recommend.

[Richard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a lively and provocative manifesto that explores and explodes the conventional wisdom about aging by delineating our culture's conscious and unconscious ageism. Insisting that the life course is a continuum, Applewhite offers a corrective to our entrenched notions of the binary opposition between youth and age. As an older (I'm 61), I found it wise and illuminating. As a childhood studies scholar, I found it useful in terms of my thinking about the ways we grant or do not grant agency to human beings based solely on their age. Highly recommended.

[Aleen Stein · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never thought to find the subject of aging interesting...until I opened this amusing and ultimately inspiring book. FIVE STARS for this engaging, thoughtful, funny, and well-researched manifesto against ageism!

[Tom Landon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Applewhite puts into words what I see every day - a kind of discrimination that seems to get a pass. An excellent writer, she leaves you wanting to discuss this book with friends and join a movement.

[Jenna Gallipoli · Rating 2 out of 5]

Tried really hard to appreciate this book, but got lost in how repetitive it was

[Wren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've long been a fan of Applewhite's work, so I don't know why it took me this long to move from her podcasts, columns, and public speaking to read her book (the expanded edition).

Fortunately, I was able to focus entirely on her book during a day of air travel. I had other books with me, but this held my attention. I would say that I read it in one sitting, but I had to change planes in O'Hare.

Applewhite conveys a great combination of passion and intellect. She maintains a laser-sharp focus on the systemic ageism that often goes unchallenged despite have real consequences on people's lived experiences. "Ageism is woven into the fabric of life, reinforced by the media and popular culture at every turn, and seldom challenged" (p. 234).

She conveys a wit that can be really funny without losing sight of the gravity of the issues at hand. She's at once warm and firm in her tone--such as when she pushes back at a sales clerk who assumes she wants a dress with sleeves. She made a matter-of-fact reply instead of "an aggressive, how-do-you-know-I-don't-have-Michelle-Obama-arms-any-more kind of way" (238).

Or Applewhite can be entirely no nonsense, such as when she challenged her friend Lewis whose party invitation explains that people 60 plus have to be cautious when socializing: "the assumption that 60+ers are actually less capable of fun than college kids, and in even more problematic stereotyping: the notion that all 60-year-olds are alike in this and any other regard" (239).

I'm glad that we're on the same team, because she is a force to be reckoned with!

She's well read, but she doesn't let the voices of experts drown out her own critical thinking. She does a great job peeling back the layers of policies, practices, and programs to reveal the flawed assumptions and attitudes that lead to systemic ageism.

Applewhite doesn't just destroy ineffective portrayals of aging leaving a void after dismantling erroneous thinking; she creates more accurate, vivid, and positive views of aging in great detail. She creates enthusiasm for the aging process and the opportunities available to all who are fortunate enough to age.

Pick up her book and be an Old Person in Training!

Her Table of Contents:

Introduction
Ch. 1 Where Ageism Comes From and What It Does
Ch. 2 Our Ages, Ourselves -- Identity
Ch. 3 Forget Memory -- The Older Brain
Ch. 4 Health, Not Youth -- The Older Body
Ch. 5 No Expiration Date -- Sex and Intimacy
Ch. 6 Not Done Yet -- the Workplace
Ch. 7 Long Life Is a Team Sport - The Independence Trap
Ch. 8 The Bull Looks Different -- The End of Life
Ch. 9 Occupy Age! Beyond Ageism
Endnotes
Index

[Frosty61 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very thorough book about ageism - what it is, how it affects all of us, ways to deal with it, etc. There are many, many issues covered here - stuff I'd never even thought about. I wasn't able to give this book the full attention it deserves, but did appreciate the gist of it and found parts to be eye-opening. The biggest revelation I had after reading it: I've bought into the American society's view of aging and, at times, have allowed it to dictate how I might dress, act, or feel in certain situations. Not doing so requires a different mindset - one which I think I'll try to work on. And, if one more condescending family member talks about how 'cute' and 'adorable' some of our older relatives are, I think I'll strangle them. ;-)

[Sarah Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is well worth the read (or listen, as I did). While I was familiar with the term ageism, and could vaguely give examples of ageism, this book helped to clarify the term and expound my understanding of how it affects every aspect of our lives. I appreciated the discussion on how ageism against the young is real and only exacerbates ageism towards the elderly. Being on the younger side if the scale the odd dissonance of being young and glorified for my youth, but at the same time being dismissed as a "millennial" and all the negative connotations that implies, along with the pressure to have life together by a certain age is frustrating. Realizing that it is ageism against the elderly that puts that absurd pressure on the young was enlightening.

The sections regarding end of life and disability were definitely thought provoking.

I liked the author's ideas and suggestions on how to combate ageism and build a more wholistic and inclusive society which would help all members.

[Alyssa]

This book gives readers a way to fight back against ageism by bolstering their knowledge on the reality of aging and the benefits of self-acceptance. It has given me new ideas to reflect on such as volunteering in hospice, celebrating aging, and being critical of my own prejudiced thoughts about older adults. Overall, however, this book did not leave me with a positive impression. Unfortunately, Applewhite’s cultural insensitivity had me questioning some of her other thoughts or the voices she chose to bring into her book. I could not confidently recommend this book to someone with the gripes I have towards it.

[Bryn Lerud · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really interesting book about ageism and especially ageism and women. Everyone gets old; why is there so much prejudice about something that happens to everyone - if they're lucky.

[Erinn Maine · Rating 2 out of 5]

So, there are many faults in Ashton Applewhite's premise.
1) She states that both young people and older people are subject to ageism in both her introduction and her conclusion. But in the in between, she never mentions young people....except to say how ageist they are towards older people. It would have been interesting to talk about important and strong young activists who have to work double because they are young and then, still can't be taken seriously. Or the whole school shootings thing and old people in Congress won't revise gun laws....hmmm....
2) She assumes that what all people have in common is that we all get old as so, ageism is something we all have an equal vested interest in. But, do minority groups really have the same average age of death as the white population? Also, she breezes over this, but older people in non-white cis-hetero communities are generally held in high regard. I posit that basically when we are victims of ageism it's when we are entrenched in the white patriarchy. Maybe we need to continue to dismantle that nonsense and as we address other major pressing life-or-death issues, ageism will be dealt with by association.
I was very excited to read this. It's got a great title. But then, meh?

[Cathryn Wellner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this in bite-sized pieces and share it with friends. Applewhite's manifesto is spot on in fingering attitudes toward aging. Ageism is a strange phenomenon since it stereotypes and denigrates people experiencing a period of life everyone will pass through, unless they die young.

As someone firmly in the aging category, I found myself nodding my head frequently. I am watching people around me age very differently, depending on life experiences, genetics, and luck. I spend time with people engaged in a head-spinning array of interesting activities. They are aware this is the last chapter, and they are making the most of it, despite the inroads of physical issues.

Applewhite has a breezy style that makes her book an enjoyable read more than a polemic. Those wanting to know more have plenty of news articles and books and websites to track down, thanks to the footnotes. But mostly what she does is poke pins in a lot of silly and damaging balloons. Aging is as natural as birth. So is death. Get used to it, and relish the years ahead.

[Roberta · Rating 1 out of 5]

Being an "Older" who suddenly found myself out of a job after 32 years at the same company, I thought this book might speak to me. Alas, Chapter 6, about the job market, was the only thing that interested me at all and it really wasn't anything I didn't already know through my own experience. I found the author's lament regarding the use of labels, such as elderly or seniors, to be hypocritical when she declared her own labels, "Olders" and "Youngers" to not really be labels, just adjectives. A lot of her ideas seemed contradictory and her ardent eschewing of non-pc terminology was overboard. Don't call an "Older" cute or feisty or spry. You're not having a birthday party; you're having an ageing party. (Gag!)

[Linda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I skimmed quite a bit of this book, and was frankly put off by the author’s blithe dismissal of chronic illnesses and the worship of “productive” older people. I think she still looks down her nose at her former co-worker Ray, who dreamed of leaving the office grind to retire in Florida. Another problem I had with the book was the broad, scatter-shot approach to the various issues confronting seniors. She offers superficial answers to complicated problems. “Suck up to your kids, or someone else’s” is her answer to the very real problem of lack of social support. Although the author makes some good points about society’s bias towards older people, I don’t recommend “This Chair Rocks”.

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

My copy ended up with so many post-it notes marking the "good parts" that the edge turned from white to purple.

Discussed at book group, a couple people thought this too academic. No, it's not. At times, I felt like I was having a drink with a friend.

Extremely readable. Applies to everyone. Yes, you, too. Age is something we all do until we don't (that's called death). Let's make aging cool again.

Favorite quotes:

P. 30 It’s understandable for younger people to resent that good fortune, and to feel as though the boomers have pulled up the drawbridge after themselves. But pitting old against young, or vice versa, is one of the major tactics used by the wealthy and powerful to divide those who might otherwise unite against them in pursuit of a fairer world for all. It’s like pitting groups of low-wage workers against each other or the interests of stay-at-home moms against women in the paid workforce. The underlying issue is a living wage for all and redress requires collective action. When issues are instead framed as zero-sum - more the “them” means less for “us”- it’s harder to see that the public good is at stake and the issue affects everyone.

P. 39 - ...”feeling old,” was invariably a complaint, meaning feeling ill or unattractive, maye a little blu or slow off the mark.

What I had yet to pin down was the way language reinforces the idea that feeling good = feeling “young” and feeling bad = feeling “old.”

P. 53 - We’re supposed to deny being old; it is seen as an insulting, or at least unwelcome, self-description, unless jocular and well-padded with euphemisms. Even well padded, it deprecates.
....
The alternative is age acceptance: acknowledging the accomplishment of having come this far - however far that happens to be - and making peace with it. From acceptance to declaration is no great leap. It’s not “age-outing” if we out ourselves, and when we slip the cultural noose we rob the number of that power over us.

P. 54 - What’s the best answer to “how old are you?’ Tell the truth, then ask why it matters. Ask what shifted in the questioner’s mind once they a had a number. The information feels foundational, but it isn’t.
...
We also ask how old people are because age functions as a convenience shorthand, a way to contextualize accomplishments and calibrate expectations. It’s lazy, though, and utterly unreliable, and arguably impertinent.
...
Social worker Natalia Granger has another radical suggestion: follow the example of gender-nonconforming people, who reject roles and stereotypes based on the sex they were assigned at birth. When asked for your age, identify as age-nonconforming.

P. 58 - Perhaps the trick lies in figuring out what matters most - a tall order in view of the fact that most Americans’ self-worth is intimately bound up in self-reliance and conventional economic productivity. Americans value doing over being....

P. 59 - Everyone can make sensible choices, but barriers like heavy caregiving responsibilities, inadequate health care, and neighborhoods with few resources make it more difficult. Blaming the poor for “bad choices” - and poverty itself on weakness - makes aging another arena in which we succeed or fail based on terms that are far from neutral.

Many choices are unlikely to be ours, and have little to do with willpower or personal virtue or whether our software skills are up to day. Both the losses and teh pleasures are likely to take us by surprise. “The mistake we make in middle age is thinking that good aging means continuing to be the way we were at fifty. Maybe it’s not, “ says Tornstam. Instead he sees many olders who continue to mature socially and psychologically, in ways that may surprise or dismay.

P. 60 - The assumption that older people become “set in their ways” is an ageist cliche. Lives can indeed become constrained by disability or living on a fixed income or conforming to an institutional schedule. But the ultimate creatures of habit are children, and odds are that people who find comfort in routine were always like that.

P. 60 - Become an Old Person in Training
How then to bridge the personal and the political? To integrate the real and the aspirational? In 2008 I heard geriatrician Joanne Lynn describe herself as an old person in training, and i’ve been one every since. I know I’m not young. I don’t see myself as old. I know a lot of people feel the same way. They’re in the grips of a ruel paradox: they aspire to grow old yet dread the prospect. They spend a lot of energy sustaining the illusion that the old are somehow not us. Becoming an Old Person in Training bridges the us/them divide, and loosens the grip of that exhausting illusion.

Becoming an Old Person in Training acknowledges the inevitability of oldness while relegating it to the future, albeit at an ever-smaller remove. It swaps purpose and intent for dread and denial. It connects us empathically with our future selves.

P. 61 - In a world increasingly segregated by race and class as well by as age, reaching over those divisions to acknowledge our shared humanity is a radical act.

Becoming an Old Person in Training means ditching preconceptions, looking at and listening carefully to the olders around us, and re-envisioning our place among them. It means looking at older people instead of past them, remembering they were once our age, seeing resilience alongside infirmity, allowing for sensuality, enlarging our notion of beauty, and acknowledging that an apartment or room or even just a bed can be home to an internal world as rich as ours and very possibly richer. It means thoughtful peeks through the periscope of an open mind at the terrain we’ll inhabit when we are finally old.

Thinking way ahead doesn’t come naturally: as a species, humans evolved to choose present gratification over future well-being. That’s why becoming an Old Person in Training takes imagination.

P. 62 - The consensus from people over eighty, who should know, is that young people worry way too much about getting old, so the earlier we make this imaginative leap, the better. The sooner this lifelong process is stripped of reflexive dread, the better equipped we are to benefit from the countless ways in which it can enrich us.

P. 63 - We’re all old people in training, whether we know it yet or not, and our numbers will swell as we reject demeaning stereotypes and claim our aging selves.

P. 74 - As with every other aspect of growing old, the trajectory of brain aging is different for every individual. The way people function depends largely on how they adapt to these changes.
Our ageist society pathologizes natural transitions, and our consumer society sells us remedies to “fix” them, like hormone replacement therapy, erectile dysfunction drugs, and facelifts.

P. 76 - How do we build cognitive reserve? By challenging our brains, maintaining social networks, and exercising. Like the body, the brain needs workouts to stay in shape....

P. 77 - Dabbling doesn’t do it. Sustained effort is also the key....hving a sense of purpose in life affects cellular activity in the brain and increases its protective reserve. Not only that, the stronger the purpose, the more it adds to the reserve.
It appears that not all mental activities are equal, and that a social component may be crucial.....A broader finding is that dementia may be less of a risk for people who devote significant time every day - three hours and more - to a mentally engrossing activity. The key components are novelty, complexity, and problem-solving.

P. 83 - A word comes to mind for this ability to assimilate and prioritize information: wisdom. It’s a good way to describe the advantage that older people enjoy when it comes to coming real-time information with a significant store of general knowledge.

P. 84 - It’s way easier to park Granny in a rocking chair offsite, especially when she succumbs with a smile, than to deal with what more she might have to offer or have the right to demand. We like our olders calm and cheerful. Strong emotions discomfit, and we’re quick to downgrade angry to crotchety or irascible.

P. 88 - Fear does subside, though typically only at the hands of time itself. Imagine how much more manageable the fera could be if we become old people in training when we’re young. If people of all ages embraced this natural process: aging means living, just as living means aging. What if we rejected the equation of “old” with “unfortunate?” What if we challenged the depiction of aging as something that can - and should - be overcome by right thinking or right spending?

P.106 - It’s also important to keep in mind that the extent and rate of age-related changes varies enormously from person to person. Not only that, the variation between individuals increases with age. This means that the older we get, the less we can reliably infer from our chronological age about our health (or cognition, or language, or independent function). In other words, it’s impossible to predict the health and well-being of an individual on the basis of his or her age. One octogenarian has trouble walking around the block while another runs marathons.

P. 120 - A growing body of fascinating research documents the link between people's perceptions of aging and their health and behavior.....people with more positive feelings about aging behave differently as they age compared to those convinced that growing old means becoming useless or helpless.

P. 142 - It’s tempting to ridicule this absurd insecurity [aging], but what really deserves our attention are the destructive cultural forces behind it. Sexism and capitalism, anyone? Dissatisfaction is monetizable, which is why advertisers create and exploit it. Self-acceptance is not. We’re being sold a bill of goods and paying the price, both in our wallets and in diminished confidence in our bodies as a never-ending source of pleasure.

P. 146 - Why not expand our notion of what’s possible, and might even be a lifestyle upgrade? Consider a friends-with-benefits relationship, typically a fun sexual relationship between two good friends, even if just to tide you over until something more series comes along. It needn’t mean last-minute bootie calls unless that suits you both; more casual relationships should still involve mutual respect, clear agreements, and safe sex. They have to make you feel good, and there’s no reason to tolerate bad behavior. There’s also no reason to let old-fashioned norms about “sluttiness” and “faithfulness” stand in the way.

P. 147 - Consider sharing, seriously. The same culture that promotes ageism also promotes a restrictive, monogamous child-producing model of relationships and families. Capitalism benefits from a society of isolated independent consumer. Sharing doesn’t mean cheating; polyamory involves multiple committed relationships, with all parties aware and on board.

P. 156 - Story after story confirmed the myriad benefits of employment - social contact above all - and the capacity to remain professionally capable and engaged in late life. We pay a huge price, individually and as a society because so many people are prevent from doing so.

P. 174 - My best friend, Virginia, has two daughters. She also has siblings and a huge network of loyal friends. Not to mention me, her BFF and co-proprietrix of the Home for Superior Women. That’s where we plan to end our days, once all the men are dead, with a select cadre of other women, if anyone else meets our selective and arbitrary criteria.

P. 188 - The sooner we trade the self-sufficiency trap for a more reciprocal, communitarian, age-integrated, mutually interdependent point of view, the closer a truly age-friendly society becomes. All those handicap-accessible ramps and elevators and curb cuts have helped far more parents with babies, travelers with bags, injured jocks and burdened shoppers, than people with physical disabilities.

P. 209 - Fear of dying is human. Every society and individual struggles to come to terms with it. It’s why we have religion, and Mozart’s Requiem. Fear of aging, on the other hand, is cultural. The way older people are treated varies considerably in different societies.

P. 210 - The philosopher William James dubbed the illusion that we can ever know what another person is experience the “psychologist’s fallacy.” In a talk on end -of-life issues at Baltimore’s Johns Hopkins University Hospital, Dr. Thomas Finucane, put this in a way that really stuck with me. His mantra was a Mexican saying: “The appearance of the bull changes when you enter the ring.” The matador’s point of view is different from the spectator’s .
The bull looks different.

P. 213 - In fact Schopenhauer said mid-life is that point in time of life when you begin to think backwards from death instead of forward from birth.

P. 227 - We see old age through the lens of loss. From the outside what people lose as they age is more obvious than what they gain. The losses are real and wrenching. But from the inside, the experience is different. Abandoning preconceptions takes open-mindedness as well as imagination. Perspectives shift.

P. 233 - Almost all of us are prejudiced against older people, and olders themselves are no exception. Ageism is woven into the fabric of life, reinforced by the media and popular culture at every turn, and seldom challenged.

[Alma Wolf · Rating 3 out of 5]

Það eru góðir hlutir í bókinni, en hún er SVO amerísk að það er ómögulegt að taka henni alvara. Svo eru allt of mikið af litlum sögum um vini höfundar sem sagði þetta eða hitt og ekki nóg og mikið af fræðilegum rannsóknum til að réttlæta allt þetta anecdotal evidence. Fannst líka spes hvernig höfundur var oft að snerta við öðrum fordómum (kvenhatri, kynþáttahatri, ableisma) en gat einhvern veginn ekki tengt það að hræðslan við að eldast og að vera lagður inn á hæli er hræðsla við veikindi og fötlun, þ.e.a.s ableismi. Hún vildi einhvern veginn alltaf aðskilja þetta og tala um “older people” og “disabled people” eins og það séu ekki þúst…. Eldri fatlað fólk, eða fólk sem að eldist og verður svo fatlað. Idk, ég hef nærri standards gagnvart intersectionality með svona nýjar bækur. Held að höfundur trúi alveg á intersectionality, en ef að lesandi hefði ekki þekkingu á hugtakinu þá finnst mér bókin ekki miðla því nóg og vel

Ef að þú hefur aldrei á ævinni pælt í ageisma, þá er þetta pottþétt góður grunnur til að skilja hvaða ranghugmyndir okkur er kennt frá barnæsku, en ef að þú ertu komin eitthvað lengra þá myndi ég sleppa henni…

Las bókina af því hún var nefnd í nýja YouTube vídeóinu hennar PhilosophyTube: “you’re wrong about birth rates and aging populations” sem er n.b. held ég betri grunnur heldur en að lesa bókina.

En! Ætla ekki að vera bara neikvætt: kaflinn um heilbrigðiskerfið segir það að eldra fólk deyr oft af orsökum sem að hefðu verið algerlega fyrirsjáanlegar en eru ekki skoðaðar bara vegna aldurs. Eldra fólk er líklegast til að deyja í náttúruhamförum eða vera skilin eftir o.s.frv. Og í okkar kapítalíska kerfi þá er bara litið á það sem að fólk á eftirlaunum hafi minna virði. Það er allt í lagi ef að þau deyja, af því þau voru hvort sem er gömul. Umræðan var mjög áhugaverð og fékk mig til að endurhugsa mínar skipanir á hlutum eins og dánaraðstoð og ýmislegu öðru.