I am really sick of lazy authors who don't think through the implications of their stories. And a lot of this book had the same problems Daughters of the North had. Like always, spoilers abound.
1. Style
From a technical level, this book is mostly correct in its use of English. However, much like Daughters of the North, I got the impression of the author thumbing through a thesaurus to find some sort of word to make himself sound smarter than he is. It's pretentious.
It also has severe pacing problems. Eleven years pass from the start of the story to the end before the epilogue. Major chunks of time are skipped over so we're instead given exposition of what happened in the interim. Instead of, you know, being shown what happened and having to assume the narrator character is being entirely truthful.
2. Focus and lack thereof
A big problem I have with certain kinds of bad stories has to do with where the focus of the story is. In the story, we get all sorts of minutia about Adam Fisk's life and the lives of his friends, but the main conflicts of the story (relating to a war involving India, China, and Pakistan, and the conflicts amongst Affinities) are glossed over. This makes me frustrated, because I would much rather read a book about those in depth than them barely mentioned and the focus being on someone who's a whiny hypocrite.
3. Worldbuilding and exposition problems
The issue with any science fiction or speculative fiction is that the audience needs to be brought up to speed with what is going on. Direct exposition can work, but it's generally preferable for an author to weave it into the story more naturally, such as through dialogue between characters, a character who is an audience stand-in who doesn't know things, and a character's internal narration.
However, despite how important the Affinities are in terms of the inter-Affinity conflict, we barely know anything about how the different groups function aside from very rough sketches of how they act. The Affinities essentially act like cults and the government wants to regulate them, but we're given only crude and frustratingly vague information about how some law would regulate them out of existence. There's also random flashbacks to give exposition and some of it was just strange ("is the world old or young?" scene in particular).
The other problem is that the Affinities often act like a cross between tribes, gangs, and cults. We're also not really shown nearly anything about the direct conflict between the Affinities, so I have no investment whatsoever.
4. Never, ever spell out your message so directly.
It makes you look like you think your audience is full of complete idiots.
5. Lack of research
The author seems to be under the impression that every power grid and other electronic device across the world is interconnected. And connected to the Internet and able to be attacked by random malware to the point of being completely nonfunctional across the whole world. This is so patently ludicrous it hurts.
Other, more minor bits include how someone at a hospital reveals information that would be protected under HIPAA for no reason and how the way sexual orientation is handled is weird.
6. The Devil's in the Details, Or "Think through your implications, for goodness sake."
The Affinities are treated as being an ethnicity or race.
But the story is constantly going on and on about how people within one Affinity only truly get people of the same Affinity. Affinity testing includes a genetic component, so it's considered almost biologically hardwired. And that peoples' Affinities have a clear and direct influence on their behavior.
So, connecting the dots, the implications of the story in that regard are:
1. People should only stay within their race.
2. People outside of one's race are scary, dangerous, and a direct threat to your race.
3. It's alright to discriminate at a hospital or treatment center on the basis of race because certain treatment techniques work better on people of a given race.
4. Being within one's own race is the most joyous feeling in the world and it makes people abandon their families who aren't the same race as them.
5. People of the same race share certain psychological traits that are determined in part by genetics, so they will act certain ways because of their race.
This message throughout the story sounds fucking racist when put like that, now doesn't it?
However, I doubt that Wilson is a dyed to the wool Nazi KKK member, despite the hanging implications of the story.
It's far more likely that, like Marie Lu's setting acting like major war crimes are perfectly acceptable, he was being incredibly lazy and didn't want to explore the ideas he'd put on the page. It bothers me because this laziness betrays the author's carelessness toward the story. And if they're that careless about their own story, why the hell should anybody else give a damn about the book?