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The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance
Are you the Nursemaid, the Governess, the Queen, the Amazon, the Goddess? How many things can you think of to do with your hairbrush besides brushing your hair? Does the idea of your man washing dishes in the nude inspire thoughts of more than clean dishes? Then this is the book for you. The brainchild of an experienced and wickedly creative dominant woman, The Mistress Manual gives you the skills and encouragement you need to turn your male into an obedient, devoted, and very happy helpmeet!
220 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 1997
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
September 7, 2012
I, myself, have explored the possibility of being a domestic dominant mistress and my husband loved the experience, to say the least! This book can be very helpful to couples looking to add more than just a dash of spice to their sex life as well as to women who are eager to discover and experience the intoxicating power that she can wield over men, or maybe even other women, using sex and her own sexuality. For the curious, the book will certainly make you want to take more than just a peak into the world of BDSM and embolden you to give some of the techniques described in the book a try.
September 14, 2017
As my two star rating says, it was ok.
Honestly, I don't even know if I can consider this book finished. I read it out of order and skimmed some sections, picking it up and setting it down over the course of a year. But I just can't read it anymore, so it's as finished as it's going to get. I wish I wasn't so blegh about this book; it started out so good. I highlighted many quotables in the first chapter. But it just got...troublesome, for me, personally.
If you're just curious about BDSM play and looking for a pretty comprehensive overview of archetypal FemDom, well, here ya go. This is the five star book for you.
But if, like me, you're looking for a guiding hand into a serious Female Led Relationship, if being a Mistress isn't about conforming to D/s fantasies or pretend, if coming into your power consensually doesn't feel right in pre-packaged bite sizes because it is an inherent part of you at all times...then this book probably isn't going to have much to offer you. It didn't have much to offer me.
Honestly, I don't even know if I can consider this book finished. I read it out of order and skimmed some sections, picking it up and setting it down over the course of a year. But I just can't read it anymore, so it's as finished as it's going to get. I wish I wasn't so blegh about this book; it started out so good. I highlighted many quotables in the first chapter. But it just got...troublesome, for me, personally.
If you're just curious about BDSM play and looking for a pretty comprehensive overview of archetypal FemDom, well, here ya go. This is the five star book for you.
But if, like me, you're looking for a guiding hand into a serious Female Led Relationship, if being a Mistress isn't about conforming to D/s fantasies or pretend, if coming into your power consensually doesn't feel right in pre-packaged bite sizes because it is an inherent part of you at all times...then this book probably isn't going to have much to offer you. It didn't have much to offer me.
August 21, 2010
Domestic Discipline is a more roleplay and fantasy oriented form of D/s, usually involving a female Dominant and male submissive but with the possibility of a female submissive. I could see two femme men adopting the practices, too, but the book doesn't cover that - the author strictly entrenches this school of Dominance in feminine superiority, or at least the perception of such in the mind of the submissive.
Two full chapters are devoted to her treatise on this feminine superiority, which honestly could be stripped from the fantasy in our opinion, but that depends on what's your cup of tea. There are five chapters detailing five archetypal fantasies of the (presumably) male submissive and the role the Dominant plays in fulfilling them. All of these, as well as the chapter on performing sensually satisfying impact play without welts or scars, are potentially useful to D/s couples who want to pick and choose. Mistress Lorelei also points out that while a submissive who wants this lifestyle usually gravitates toward one archetype, techniques and situations from the others can be incorporated into the core archetype.
The information in part two, which is the most generally applicable - establishing authority, planning a scene, impact play, and other "forms of control" - is useful to us if nothing else. We're considering scanning parts of it before giving the book back to its owner. The description of the archetypes in part three is strewn with other general techniques for a Dominant and worth notetaking if you're new to Dominance.
-Kearil
Two full chapters are devoted to her treatise on this feminine superiority, which honestly could be stripped from the fantasy in our opinion, but that depends on what's your cup of tea. There are five chapters detailing five archetypal fantasies of the (presumably) male submissive and the role the Dominant plays in fulfilling them. All of these, as well as the chapter on performing sensually satisfying impact play without welts or scars, are potentially useful to D/s couples who want to pick and choose. Mistress Lorelei also points out that while a submissive who wants this lifestyle usually gravitates toward one archetype, techniques and situations from the others can be incorporated into the core archetype.
The information in part two, which is the most generally applicable - establishing authority, planning a scene, impact play, and other "forms of control" - is useful to us if nothing else. We're considering scanning parts of it before giving the book back to its owner. The description of the archetypes in part three is strewn with other general techniques for a Dominant and worth notetaking if you're new to Dominance.
-Kearil
February 14, 2011
A good basic primer for the would-be Mistress. I did, however, think that it was presumptuous to assume that the coupling would always be Female/male when there are plenty of lesbian Domme/sub relationships. I also had difficulty relating to some of the Domme/sub archetypes presented, but that is to be expected with the subjective nature of sexuality.
January 15, 2009
Excellent, comprehensible, enlightening read. Lots of concrete ideas for any budding Mistress. LOVE the panty cocktail!
October 29, 2014
You could do a lot worse than "The Mistress Manual" for a novice female dominant, and it certainly does what it implies, which is giving you the tools to take on the role of a dominatrix.
However, the challenge with any such product is that there's a definite separation between being a dominant who happens to be incidentally female, and the whole Mistress Domina shtick.
So this is a good book for seeming sexy to the average man who identifies as or has submissive fantasies, or for a woman who wants to create the same effects of the archetype.
However, the challenge with any such product is that there's a definite separation between being a dominant who happens to be incidentally female, and the whole Mistress Domina shtick.
So this is a good book for seeming sexy to the average man who identifies as or has submissive fantasies, or for a woman who wants to create the same effects of the archetype.
July 24, 2016
This book was very well written and full of information, techniques, things to try. I especially appreciated that it covered the side of married woman who have a submissive as well as single woman looking for a submissive male. What brought this down from a 5 star was that I had hoped this book would go into what a woman wants in a submissive man. This book seems to be more what a man looks looks for in a dominant woman. As both sides being important in a dom-sub relationship, it would've been nice to see that reflected in the book.
March 11, 2011
Well written for a variety of different women who wish to explore this aspect of their personality, including those who don't feel naturally dominant.
It's also possible to skip some parts and just read the bits that appeal to you, although ultimately I read the entire book, some parts several times and still reading.
It's a good introduction, however if it sparks a deeper interest you may wish to indulge in further research...I can't recommend anything yet but will review when read
It's also possible to skip some parts and just read the bits that appeal to you, although ultimately I read the entire book, some parts several times and still reading.
It's a good introduction, however if it sparks a deeper interest you may wish to indulge in further research...I can't recommend anything yet but will review when read
April 16, 2021
This has some good ideas, but it has not aged well since its original publication. Besides the incredibly binary view of gender and the assumed heterosexuality of the reader, the book also has strong White Feminist Grrrl Power vibes, as well as a hefty dose of 90s-era Wiccan flavor that can be A Lot.
October 29, 2008
Very enjoyable read, but very much... not what I'm familiar with. The author says she comes from the Domestic Discipline community, and I'm more of a BDSMer. Nevertheless, lots of interesting and useful stuff.
June 15, 2010
It is a good book for those that want to "play". I tis a fairly funny book for those in the lifestyle
Read
June 13, 2010nice
July 13, 2012
Opened my eyes and mind to so many things. A good start for the questioning domme.
September 7, 2012
A book that clearly illuminates the reasons for studying the Female Archetypes, and how they can be integrated into your sex life.
July 3, 2013
Useful book for the Female Domme. It has great scene ideas. And it's a good one to give to a newbie Domme.
January 10, 2014
Didn't find anything new or too interesting.
October 19, 2014
It's so good I'm reading it again and using it for reference
July 29, 2015
Informative
July 21, 2015
It's a great beginner book. I got what I needed out of it.
March 14, 2016
The way this book was advertised made me think it was about something totally different. It's great for the niche topic but i wasted my money thinking it was about something else
November 27, 2025
First, the title of this book doesn't quite give the correct indication of what it is: The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance. This isn't "female dominance" so much as it is "female dominance for a heterosexual woman with a sissy slave." Which is a very specific thing and certainly does not cover all women or those who define themselves as "female dominants."
This book is not without it's problems. As noted, it takes a very heterosexual approach to femdom. Next, it seems to be speaking to a white audience. During multiple moments the "rosy appearance" or the "fair and white" skin of the submissive.
I do get the impression that the author is very confident with her Dominance and no doubt her partners are pleased with her, but this is very much a pigeonhole view of one specific type of female dominance. It does go into a few different dominance archetypes (which I really enjoyed reading about!) but I wish it also went into the different types of submissives, rather than focusing solely on sissies. Additionally, it generalizes potential submissives in a pretty problematic way (assuming that they make good money and can afford to buy an assortment of garb or toys).
The book also seems to contradict itself in it's explanations. It discusses how female dominance (aka "domestic discipline" - which is a unique style all on it's own, whether you are a woman or a different gender) is based in fantasy but often discusses how much of the play and personality can exhibit in "real life". It also gives a very sub-par description of play and play styles. For a book that seems to focus on 101 it really could do so much more to be informative (and in fact it had so much room to expand at only 163 pages of text). It may be a good starting point, but it's not much more than that I'm afraid.
As an additional note, so much of the "perks" of being a male submissive or in being involved in female dominance just seem to try to be an answer to toxic masculinity or a patriarchal system of oppression. I'm not going to comment on how someone wishes to attempt to overcome those issues and whether or not I agree with it, but it does seem like if you are someone who has done work to overcome internalized misogyny that you may find even less value in this book.
Overall, I find it pretty problematic, but unfortunately it's one of very few books on this topic that exist. It has some decent points and isn't full of bad information. But it certainly should be read with a grain of salt and used as a foray into BDSM education versus the end of the road.
This book is not without it's problems. As noted, it takes a very heterosexual approach to femdom. Next, it seems to be speaking to a white audience. During multiple moments the "rosy appearance" or the "fair and white" skin of the submissive.
I do get the impression that the author is very confident with her Dominance and no doubt her partners are pleased with her, but this is very much a pigeonhole view of one specific type of female dominance. It does go into a few different dominance archetypes (which I really enjoyed reading about!) but I wish it also went into the different types of submissives, rather than focusing solely on sissies. Additionally, it generalizes potential submissives in a pretty problematic way (assuming that they make good money and can afford to buy an assortment of garb or toys).
The book also seems to contradict itself in it's explanations. It discusses how female dominance (aka "domestic discipline" - which is a unique style all on it's own, whether you are a woman or a different gender) is based in fantasy but often discusses how much of the play and personality can exhibit in "real life". It also gives a very sub-par description of play and play styles. For a book that seems to focus on 101 it really could do so much more to be informative (and in fact it had so much room to expand at only 163 pages of text). It may be a good starting point, but it's not much more than that I'm afraid.
As an additional note, so much of the "perks" of being a male submissive or in being involved in female dominance just seem to try to be an answer to toxic masculinity or a patriarchal system of oppression. I'm not going to comment on how someone wishes to attempt to overcome those issues and whether or not I agree with it, but it does seem like if you are someone who has done work to overcome internalized misogyny that you may find even less value in this book.
Overall, I find it pretty problematic, but unfortunately it's one of very few books on this topic that exist. It has some decent points and isn't full of bad information. But it certainly should be read with a grain of salt and used as a foray into BDSM education versus the end of the road.
May 10, 2019
The first time I encountered The Mistress Manual by Mistress Lorelei Powers was very early in my kink journey. I considered Myself a switch at best and balked when My friend loaned Me her copy, handing it to me with a knowing look and "You need to read this." I read through it, wondering why I needed this book, how it applied to Me, marveling at the different archetypes ("What's an archetype?" and "There's more than one?!"), wondering why I would even want to create a submissive male.
Now, just a couple years later, I giggled while reading through The Mistress Manual with fresh eyes and nodded with understanding at the concepts that once seemed so foreign. The Mistress Manual is a dominatrix primer, one of the core books that are recommended when a newbie begins asking for guidance, and for good reason. Mistress Lorelei covers everything to take you from a nervous neophyte to a dauntless Domina.
Way before delving into the "how-to's", Mistress Lorelei covers the more important aspect--the why. Why should you be a Mistress, why you should love being a Mistress, why a man would want to submit to you. The psychological insights of The Mistress Manual are priceless and what sets this book apart from many others in this genre; I find Myself picking up a new tidbit each time I read it. Whereas other books focus simply on safety and technical proficiency, The Mistress Manual instructs on how to touch the soul.
When actually delving into the construction of a good scene, Mistress Lorelei bestows wisdom beyond impact play; The Mistress Manual will guide you in how to conduct a scene with confidence. Dissecting the desires of different types of fantasies, Mistress Lorelei guides the reader on treating each one with care. The information contained within The Mistress Manual is essential for any good dominatrix to know and isn't always easy to come by. One can find classes on all different types of play, but having the essence of domination conveyed so succinctly and easily understood is rare. I highly recommend The Mistress Manual to any dominant female of any skill level who has not read it, or for submissive males to give their willing and curious partners.
Now, just a couple years later, I giggled while reading through The Mistress Manual with fresh eyes and nodded with understanding at the concepts that once seemed so foreign. The Mistress Manual is a dominatrix primer, one of the core books that are recommended when a newbie begins asking for guidance, and for good reason. Mistress Lorelei covers everything to take you from a nervous neophyte to a dauntless Domina.
Way before delving into the "how-to's", Mistress Lorelei covers the more important aspect--the why. Why should you be a Mistress, why you should love being a Mistress, why a man would want to submit to you. The psychological insights of The Mistress Manual are priceless and what sets this book apart from many others in this genre; I find Myself picking up a new tidbit each time I read it. Whereas other books focus simply on safety and technical proficiency, The Mistress Manual instructs on how to touch the soul.
When actually delving into the construction of a good scene, Mistress Lorelei bestows wisdom beyond impact play; The Mistress Manual will guide you in how to conduct a scene with confidence. Dissecting the desires of different types of fantasies, Mistress Lorelei guides the reader on treating each one with care. The information contained within The Mistress Manual is essential for any good dominatrix to know and isn't always easy to come by. One can find classes on all different types of play, but having the essence of domination conveyed so succinctly and easily understood is rare. I highly recommend The Mistress Manual to any dominant female of any skill level who has not read it, or for submissive males to give their willing and curious partners.
June 18, 2022
I had high hopes for this book but I just ended up disappointed with the book.
It felt icky, misogynistic. And I understand that it really leaned intothe Mistress and Female Dominance, of which I'm not the target audience (as a non-binary person with a variety of partners). I was extremely uncomfortable with the "woman"/female supremacy portions, again as I really wasn't the target audience.
It also felt like it leaned heavily on certain aspects of the BDSM/kink community, which is understandable, but as a Dominant-leaning Switch, I would have appreciated more ideas and thoughts overall. *shrug* It's not a terrible book, you could probably do worse, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else, personally.
It felt icky, misogynistic. And I understand that it really leaned intothe Mistress and Female Dominance, of which I'm not the target audience (as a non-binary person with a variety of partners). I was extremely uncomfortable with the "woman"/female supremacy portions, again as I really wasn't the target audience.
It also felt like it leaned heavily on certain aspects of the BDSM/kink community, which is understandable, but as a Dominant-leaning Switch, I would have appreciated more ideas and thoughts overall. *shrug* It's not a terrible book, you could probably do worse, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else, personally.
June 25, 2021
Good for basic frameworks of creating scenes; possible insights into the mind of the male sub if yours is being guarded about what he wants; a lot of information about implements.
Why the low rating? Eh… you can tell this was written a while ago. The archetypes are still useful, but some of her attitudes grated on me. Plus, the were more than a few typos in the last section of the book.
Definitely useful for someone who’s new, though there are some things described in here that will probably make some folks squeamish.
I am debating a 3 star rating, because I found it useful… but the writing quality is just not great. Sorry.
Why the low rating? Eh… you can tell this was written a while ago. The archetypes are still useful, but some of her attitudes grated on me. Plus, the were more than a few typos in the last section of the book.
Definitely useful for someone who’s new, though there are some things described in here that will probably make some folks squeamish.
I am debating a 3 star rating, because I found it useful… but the writing quality is just not great. Sorry.
February 27, 2023
Staring from absolute zero, I was hoping for more insights into the world of BDSM than this book offered. I think I could do the role plays now - some at least. But I think I was hoping for more. I still can’t get my head around why anyone would want to be humiliated or get off on pain. While I can see the fun in role plays, I still am not so sure what the fem domme gets out of it. Is it just another way to serve your man? If yes, then the whole worship thing is also an act. Still, giving it a try in a few days. Wish me luck!
March 6, 2025
I enjoyed the book. It certainly encourages me to explore more of my dominant side, although I'm not sure I like this particular flavor of being a mistress. The book offers some practical tips, but it does not have that many details to be treated as tutorials. Also, I don't particularly relate to the five archetypes the author describes, but some of the elements mentioned intrigue me. Overall, this manual broadens my understanding of female dominance and makes me feel empowered to test out holding the power in a sexual relationship.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 21, 2019
È datato e si sente, oltre a focalizzarsi un po’ troppo su quello che vuole il sub (mi sarei aspettata qualcosa di più equilibrato). Ma i capitoli sugli archetipi sono molto utili e illuminanti, così come molte info pratiche.
E ho apprezzato molto gli aspetti più “filosofici” sul femminino magico e la menzione di The White Goddess di Graves (nella TBR da secoli XD ora ho una ragione in più per recuperarmelo).
Una buona base, tutto sommato!
E ho apprezzato molto gli aspetti più “filosofici” sul femminino magico e la menzione di The White Goddess di Graves (nella TBR da secoli XD ora ho una ragione in più per recuperarmelo).
Una buona base, tutto sommato!
March 26, 2024
Full of useful high level information on mistress fantasies but some of the content is outdated, particularly with regard to the internet. The author admits that the best dominance is psychological yet focuses almost exclusively on physical acts. Would read an updated edition but this one left me wanting more.
September 1, 2019
For a venue so accepting of various kinks, this book was very presumptive in many aspects. I gleaned a few good tidbits from this one, some good ideas of possible scenarios, but this very much skimmed the surface for me.
June 11, 2025
If you are new to this, it gives the basics to get started. For a more experienced woman, it will give you some good ideas and new iinsight into certain kinks and props even if you wouldn't use them.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews