Soy tu primera vez

by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn

En Milton High todos los chicos tienen algo en común, por muy diferentes que sean entre ellos. Empollones, deportistas, raperos, frikis y los que pasan desapercibidos... Ese algo en común tiene curvas y toda una historia detrás de su melancólica sonrisa: Mercedes Ayres.

Con un nombre extranjero y una familia que la tiene completamente olvidada (no conoció a su padre y su madre nunca habla con ella), Mercedes ha decidido ayudar a todas las chicas del instituto en su camino hacia la pérdida de la virginidad. Para evitar lo que ella ya sufrió en su primera vez, Mercedes ejerce de «primera vez» para ellas, acostándose primero con unos pocos chicos y luego cruzándose con tantos otros que no son novatos en una escalada de malas experiencias que se le va de las manos. Entonces entra en su vida Zach, y Mercedes descubrirá que los sentimientos pueden ser más fuertes de lo que ella creía y que a veces es conveniente poner límites para poder vivir en libertad.

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, Romance, Fiction, Realistic Fiction, Young Adult Contemporary, High School

336 pages, Paperback

First published January 5, 2016

About the author

Laurie Elizabeth Flynn is a former model who lives in London, Ontario with her husband and their four children. She is the author of three young adult novels: Firsts, Last Girl Lied To and All Eyes On Her, under the name L.E. Flynn.

Her adult fiction debut, The Girls Are All So Nice Here, was named a USA Today Best Book of 2021 and became an instant bestseller in Canada. It has sold in 11 territories worldwide. Her second adult novel, Till Death Do Us Part, was an instant USA Today and national Canadian bestseller, and a Good Morning America Buzz Pick.

When she’s not writing, you can likely find her hiking in the woods, perusing thrift stores for vintage dresses, or bingeing on reality TV dating shows.

Reviews

[Emily May · Rating 4 out of 5]

Let me just say first: I enjoyed this book a lot. I thought it was compelling, awful in parts, with an unconventional narrator who, against the odds, evokes sympathy. It also succeeds where many other YA books have failed: portraying a realistic criticism of and challenge to slut-shaming and double standards.

What would you think of someone who deliberately slept with other girls' boyfriends? I know a lot of my friends here are sex-positive and open-minded, but that's not exactly what I'm talking about.

It's one thing to have sex with loads of guys, it's one thing to wear short skirts and enjoy flirting and dancing provocatively, but it's another thing entirely to seek out guys who have girlfriends, isn't it? Especially when the person knows some of their girlfriends and are trusted by them. Could you like a person like that? Could you learn to understand them and feel sympathy for them? Before reading this book, I would have said no.

It takes an author skilled with characterization to take such a person and make them not only understandable, but likable. To honestly convince the reader that they are worthy of sympathy. To make the reader sad and angry for them. Firsts does that.

Flynn is fantastic at drawing on underlying pain and making you understand how it affects someone. She also creates fascinating characters and relationships. This book shows the complex relationships Mercedes has with her mom who wishes she was younger, her absent dad, her religious best friend, her "Wednesday friend" who might be something more, the guys whose virginity she takes, and the girlfriends they all have.

It's such an interesting book with lots of hidden depth. It explores the way Mercedes uses sex to regain control and how she justifies her actions to herself. Mercedes' inner narrative is so convincing that it's hard not to completely "get" her.

I think the book portrays a respect for choice above all else. Pointing out the double standards sexually active girls face in high school, whilst also respecting Angela's desire to wait until marriage. It also does a great job of looking at the virginity double standards that put pressure on teen boys:

“Virginity is supposed to be something a girl gives up only when she is ready and feels comfortable, something a girl discusses at length with her friends and flip-flops over a million times in her mind before actually doing it. A guy is expected to be born ready.
But what I realised after Tommy is that they’re not. They’re just as scared as their girlfriends, maybe even more so because the onus is on them to be gentle, make it last, make it memorable.”

My only criticism is that sometimes the messages get a little mixed because of the author's decision to write about this particular character. Unlike some of Siobhan Vivian's books or Mlynowski's Ten Things We Did, I still felt like I knew exactly where this author stood and what she wanted to portray, but it was risky trying to write a sex-positive, anti slut-shaming book about a character who has an unhealthy sex life.

The plot demanded that Mercedes' actions be questioned and addressed, at the same time as the "message" was one about the freedom for teen girls to enjoy sex. But, overall, it was engaging and well-written enough to work just fine. And, I should warn you, it packs an emotional punch and could be a trigger to those sensitive to rape/attempted rape.

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[Shelby *trains flying monkeys* · Rating 1 out of 5]

I feel so uncool after reading this book.


Seventeen year old Mercedes has a way of making things right for other girls. She takes their boyfriends and gives them their "first time."


She doesn't want to keep them or nothing. She just is providing a service to make the world a better place. She wants everyone's first time to be really special. *gag*
She finds out that the guy is thinking about making it official with his girlfriend and she checks him out and then invites him over and of course then swears him to secrecy.
No one will ever tell.


Mercedes is supposed to be that character that you feel bad for because she has an distracted, 'cool' mom.


A Dad that left. A bad thing that happened in her past.
You are supposed to be all cool with her being able to express her sexuality, she does use a condom. As she gets the freak on with all these girls boyfriends.


I get that it's okay for girls and women to have sex. I don't give two craps about it. Wave your freak flag and all that. I did. BUT I don't like this books main character sleeping with people's boyfriends and then we are supposed to be fine with it.
The story tries to make the reader feel all sorry for her. So she has some shitty parents? So she has some bad shit in her past? So she has poor pitiful little rich girl syndrome? So does have the fricking world and we don't crawl into bed with people that are in relationships. Or I hope not anyways.


Yes, I know I'm going straight to hell for that gif. BUT! She is not someone I felt sorry for. She had a best friend who tries to be there for her. She gets a new friend that tries to be there for her! She has a sex buddy that is a decent guy and wants to be there for her!


He is better than that guy..but you get my meaning.

She just keeps going. SLEEPING WITH MORE OF THEM! Plus, she writes down all the juicy details in a journal. Because she is doing it to help people!


You don't have to be a prude to disagree with this stupid book. It is just wrong and I hated every minute of it.
I need Luke Bryan's butt to get it out of my head. (Thanks Kelly for the inspiration)


ETA: I should say something else. I didn't like any of the male characters in this book either. They all were little assholes. I think the only redeeming character in the whole book was Faye. I'm not really a woman hater. I hate everybody. Equal opportunity and all that.

Disclaimer: I'm sure I'm going to have a few that will come and tell me that I misunderstood the book. SO what? I'm an old biddy. I didn't like it. It's a book. If you like it go and write your own dang review plus this:



Booksource: I received a copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for review.


I had a buddy read with the lovely TL (click for her review)
She did like this book much more than I did. I think target age really does have something to do with our differences on this one. And you know what? It's no big deal. It's a book. We can disagree it's all fine. Cuz that's how we roll.

[aimee (aimeecanread) · Rating 5 out of 5]

8 Things You Will Love About Firsts

1. Firsts is raw, compelling and honest. It's a book about a teen who thinks of sex as a way to be in control. It's a book that definitely doesn't shy away from the nitty and gritty, a topic that most young adult novels would opt to leave out.

2. Firsts is incredibly complex. It has a complex story--one that you yourself would definitely not want to get tangled in--and complex characters who you may or may not fully understand even as the novel comes to a close.

3. Firsts has a heroine who goes through so much development. Mercy isn't a character you'll immediately love. In fact, you might even not like her until the end. Despite this, you'll still see her grow so much as a character as she discovers herself, and you'll sympathize with her like I did.

4. Firsts has the most adorable love interest ever. Holy Mother of Cute Guys, Zach Sutton is on a different level of "book boyfriend." He's sweet, persistent and loving. Plus he's witty and sexy and you're just going to adore him. I promise.

5. Firsts has really strong friendships. The friends in this book have their ups and downs, but eventually learn to accept each other, and the fact that they need each other. This book also proves that sometimes you'll love your new friends as much as those you've known for years.

6. Firsts teaches you that every action has a consequence. And you have to be ready for it. Yeah, sure, Mercy wanted to hide and never go to school again, but in the end, she chose to face her fate with her head held high.

7. Firsts tells you that it's okay to wait if you want to. Angela, Mercy's best friend, is a Catholic and is sworn to celibacy. And that's fine--you're going to love how Mercy accepts that, despite having slept with many men herself.

8. I loved Firsts. That's a good reason, yeah?

Thanks so much to St. Martin's Press for allowing me to read and review this book in advance!

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[Kelly (and the Book Boar) · Rating 1 out of 5]

Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/

As a lover of all things D.U.F.F. (shaddup, Erica) and Easy A I thought my enjoyment of Firsts was nearly guaranteed. Guess that’s what I get for thinking, huh?

“At Milton High, I’m my own statistic. People fail to see the great equalizer, the one thing the band geeks, the drama nerds, the jocks, and the preppies all have in common. Me – Mercedes Ayres. The girl who took their virginity.”

Yep, Mercedes decided to do a little philanthropy work her Senior year of high school. Turns out many of the boys at Milton High had the same problem . . .



At first Mercedes was going to . . . . assist only five fellas, but she blew right past that and ended up with a list consisting of The Biter, The Nervous Giggler, The Screamer, The Watcher, The Preacher, The Dirty Talker, The Acrobat, The Crier, The Gamer, and Tommy Hudson. Ten is the hard limit for Mercedes, though. Well, at least it was going to be until Trevor Johnston came asking for help as well. And then the foreign exchange student. And Jeremy Roth. And The Bad Actor. Seems every boy in school has one thing on their mind . . .



And HERE is where I just lose my shit because WTF am I reading? It’s bad enough this girl is “deflowering” boys (WHO ALREADY HAVE GIRLFRIENDS!!!!!), but when all these randos start sniffing around her honeypot she doesn’t get suspicious at all how errrrryone knows she’s the gal who will respond when that hotline bling? And then? THEN someone fills her in on the big revelation that . . .

“These things always get out, sooner or later.”



That’s the moment Mercedes gets all “rut roh, Raggy.” Seriously bitch? OF COURSE it’s going to get out. You can’t have sex with FIFTEEN other girls’ boyfriends at the SAME. DAMN. HIGH. SCHOOL. without it getting out. Dear Mercedes,



Of course, it all comes out in the end (even though anyone with half a working brain cell can see it from like page two) that Mercedes had a superbadawful happen that made her do what she did. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, there’s no reason to get therapy and deal with fixing her obviously severe mental problems relating to said superbadawful as long as she can continue blaming everything on her absentee mother . . .



get into the college of her dreams, and end up with an awesome boyfriend at the end . . .



I'm all for pushing the genre envelope, but not when a book makes me feel like I'm even dumber than I was before I started reading it.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!

[Deanna · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.5 Stars

We meet seventeen-year-old Mercedes. Only her very good friends may call her Mercy for short. She used to like her name, until she figured out she was named after a car, the car that her dad waved from, as he drove out of her life. So absent father and barely there mother, or more like barely CARE mother.

***THERE IS LIKELY GOING TO BE SPOILERS IN THE REST OF THIS REVIEW***


As the book starts Mercedes says she's doing Evan Brown's girlfriend a favor. A favor that his girlfriend will never know about. This is not the first time she's done this favor, she's done it for over ten other girlfriends. Mercedes is "paying it forward" (her words) by sleeping with virgin boys so that they will know what to do when they sleep with their girlfriend for the first time.

SERIOUSLY...

I feel like this book could be dangerous. I've seen some of the reviews that feel that it's realistic. When it comes to the double standards and how often girls are slut-shamed....yes that does happen way too often and it's wrong. But I'm sorry I had a hard time with the rest of it.

I know that yes of course some teenagers are having sex and the pressure is real but this extreme? Would there be that many male virgins that are so scared of how they are going to perform that they will cheat on their girlfriends to "learn" how to be a better lover? And come on! How can a seventeen-year-old possibly know THAT much about sex. I mean yes they can know about sex but this came across like she had been doing this for years and knew exactly how to pleasure each boy differently based on their personalities. NO NO NO!

I'm not saying she's a bad person for having sex. I'm not saying she's a bad person at all. I'm not trying to shame her. High school kids are having sex BUT YOU CAN'T SLEEP WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S BOYFRIENDS AND THINK IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY AND NOT GOING TO COME OUT!

I'm very sorry she had a terrible first time, no one deserves that. I don't hate Mercedes. However, I think she needs a whole lotta couch time though. How did she think this information wouldn't get out? Because they had a girlfriend they had more to lose than her? OH COME ON! If she slept with ONE person's boyfriend it would more than likely come out.

I will say that I'm glad that the author seemed to focus quite a bit on safe-sex. No glove no love kind stuff. But I'm sorry I just can't believe that most of this is a realistic portrayal of High School and sex. Yes it's been awhile since I've been in High School but still....

I'm sure there will be a lot of people who love this book and that's okay. You have your opinion and I have mine. I just had a lot of problems with this book.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read this advanced copy in exchange for my honest review.

[Christy · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 stars!



When I read the synopsis for this book, I was intrigued to read it, but also a little bit nervous. I could tell it was going to be one of those books I either loved or hated. It's safe to say, I loved it. It wasn't perfect, but it was completely addicting. I had no respect for the next day when I read this book. I started it and finished it in the same sitting, staying up way past my bedtime, but it sucked me in and I couldn't put it down. 

Firsts is Mercedes Ayres story. Mercedes is a 17 year old high school senior. She's a good student, seems a bit shy in school, and attends the prayer circle her best friend runs. No one would ever suspect that she's deflowered a many of the guys she goes to school with. Guys with girlfriends. But Mercy doesn't do this to be vindictive, no. She's actually trying to help. She wants the guys to be good for their girlfriends, wants things to be everything her first time wasn't. It sounds messed up, she knows that, but for some reason, she can't seem to stop. 

Virginity is supposed to be something a girl gives up only when she is ready and feels comfortable, something a girl discusses at length with her friends and flip-flops over a million times in her mind before actually doing it. A guy is expected to be born ready.

Really, this is all about the control for Mercy. She controls how it happens, when, the rules, how many times, all of it. She calls the shots. I was curious to what made her this way, why she ticked. When you find out what happened in her past, it's understandable. I'm not justifying anything she does, but looking at her past, family situation etc, it's something you get. 

I know that it’s better this way, being the one in control. The one in control calls the shots, and the one in control sets the pace. Most important of all, the one in control doesn’t get hurt.

Unfortunately, Mercedes isn't immune from getting hurt in this situation, and she hurts a lot of other people on the way, whether it's intentional or not. One of those people is her best friend, and the other is Zach (my favorite of the book) the guy who likes her for her, even when he finds out all her dirty little secrets. 

This book is a story of growth. It's a story of friendship, forgiveness, making mistakes, owning those mistakes, and learning from them. It's got some controversial topics for a YA book, but it was a great read. The writing was fantastic, the story compelling, and the heroine, oddly relatable and lovable. I truly enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to more from this author. 

[Chelsea ✨Arielle’s Nebular Ally and Team Acrux✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

**ARC provided by Netgalley in exchange for an honest review**

I switch out my lamp and stare at the ceiling in the dark, taking a series of shaky breaths. I know that it’s better this way, being the one in control. The one in control calls the shots, and the one in control sets the pace.
Most important of all, the one in control doesn’t get hurt.

I’d be lying if I said this is something that I would have read had I found it on my own…but seeing the type of things being said about it paired with the edgy blurb, this sounded like just what I needed-In a very odd, very different way. This book-this wonderful, magnificent, outside of the box book-shocked me to the core. No, the content is not necessarily new, nor is it something that I think everyone will love. However, I must say, this book took something that is deemed dirty, wrong, depraved , and made it…..okay.




Right, okay, I knew you’d think that. How can a book about a girl propositioning guys in committed relationships to show them the ropes of how he should treat a girl for her ‘first time’ (ie, all the boys are virgins, as are the girls) ever, in any universe, be okay??? Well, I’ll admit it. It made me sick-truly. The thought of this happening to me in high school (it totally could have…you fill in the blanks) makes my stomach drop, my insides curl, makes me see red. But, let’s get real-it didn’t happen. I don’t imagine it happens in real life (does it?? Because if it does…*shudders*). And I don’t think this book was following a trend. So, as with most of the books I read, I flipped my hair over my shoulder, I took a deep breath, and chanted to myself that this is just a work of fiction, to just enjoy it. Yeah, well, I did.

His secret, like those of nine of his fellow seniors, is safe with me. At Milton High, I’m my own statistic. People fail to see the great equalizer, the one thing the band geeks, the drama nerds, the jocks, and the preppies all have in common.
Me-Mercedes Ayres.
The girl who took their virginity.

In fact…I enjoyed this a little too much. From the moment I picked this up, I was immediately hooked. The writing, the characters, the scenarios-in spite of them being so bizarre-were just, I don’t know, epic. Yeah, yeah, I know, it was a typical high school with typical students and an indisputably flawed narrator. We’ve seen it before, yes? Well…not like this. At least, I don’t think so. She was absolutely deplorable, if you look at the cold hard facts:

-She sleeps with virgin boyfriends
-She takes away that wonderful first time that a guy should experience only with his girl
-She writes in a journal about it (Sigh….come on, girly. You know better)
-She lies to her best friend
-She lies to my beautiful, beautiful man (more on my man later. YES I have yet another man-HUSH)
-She ignores allllll the signs. Alllll of them
-She finally deludes herself by the middle of the book
-She-

Do I really need more?






For real. I know this. I know she was totally in the wrong. Deep in my heart, I know it. And yet...I loved her. Yikes, okay, let me back track. I ADORED her. Ahhhh there, that feels better. But here is the crazy thing-I also hated her. I hated how she hurt those girls forever, without them even knowing about it. I hated how blind she was. I hated how she lost herself when she had always wanted it to be a noble cause. I hated how she lied to-shh, leave me alone-Zach, and I hated how she treated Zach. Hell, okay, let’s just talk about the elephant in the room, that way I can focus on more solid facts for the rest of the review. Cool? Might as well, or I’m going to start becoming annoying (START?? I’m well past that).

Zach wanting to see me next Wednesday is almost like Zach asking me on a date, if I were a regular girl wanting a regular relationship.
But I’m not a regular girl. I don’t want to hold hands in the hall at school and slow dance at prom and see a movie with Zach. I don’t want to be the girl he dates senior year and loses interest in when he goes off to college. I want to be just fast enough for Zach to have to run to catch up, because if I stay ahead, I won’t ever have to see his retreating back.

ZACH. Zach. Z-A-C-H. Zacharyyyyy. Now, I know what you’re thinking, for real!! How can a girl who sleeps with a ton of dudes-Taken dudes, might I add-have one set boy she is actually truly into? And I’ll answer, thusly: If you did something that you weren’t proud of, something that used to feel like the right thing but now felt like a dirty, suffocating secret, wouldn’t you feel…lonely? And, more than that, wouldn’t you want to be wanted by someone who (ahem) loves you, who adores you, who, despite your bitchy flaws and dismissive attitude, still wants to spend time with you and wants to treat you right? Well, I imagine that’s how I’d feel. And Zach, while only her ‘Wednesday friend’, is that guy. That guy who, even though he is treated like shit and only kept at an arm’s length, is utterly loyal to you.

"I think I'm in love with you."
...
"That's your orgasm talking," I say. "You're not really in love with me."
"You can't tell me how I feel," he says. His voice gets quiet, trails off at the end. "I could be your boyfriend."

And here is where my real feels (lies, lies, lies, feels were abundant from chapter one) came into play. I’ve met some loyal friends and guys in a lot of books, but I think these friends, this guy, blew the loyalty of other said characters out of the water. I will say this once and only once: Faye and Zach were two of the most loyal literary characters I’ve ever come across-And I don’t take that shit lightly, I assure you.


The loyalty that came into play…it was unreal. It was so out of this world unreal that I started crying (a dainty crier I am not) out of nowhere. To be put in the position they were and to just…ugh. Unconditional love is hard to come by. Standing by your friend, no matter what, is rare-Virtually unheard of. Loyalty can’t be bought, it can only be given freely, and even though I’m doing a horrible job of explaining it, I need to get out what I can. This aspect, if nothing else, made me an unflinching and loyal fan of this book, and I truly think this is a story I will revisit time and time again-even though the angst threatened to swallow me whole.

I’m so used to planning for guys, dressing and undressing for them and trying to morph myself into their dream girl. I’m so used to it that I don’t really know where that girl ends and the real me begins. I suppose what it comes down to is confidence. I’m confident in that girl, the one who emerges from my walk-in wearing lingerie when I’m done getting ready. But at Faye’s house, I’m not going to be that girl. I’m going to be me.
Whoever that is anymore.

I’m doing a horrible job with this review, aren’t I? My thoughts, though…Guys, I have SO much to say that my head is spinning and I’ll try to start a point in a paragraph and all of a sudden I’m cracking out and interrupting what I was explaining and it just becomes a weird, fangirly mess, and isn’t that the best, though?? Knowing you loved something so much that you can’t possibly get every thought on the page? Well, this is me saying that I’m trying to make this as fluent and coherent as possible, but I’m failing miserably, because I have so much to say and so little capacity to make it right.

The doorbell rings and I sink into a heap on the carpet. With any luck, whoever is down there will just go away.
But I’m just starting to think nothing goes away, no matter how deep you try to bury it.

Let me finish it all with my point, what I’ve been trying to say from the beginning: Mercy is far from what we would call an upstanding citizen…but her heart is in the right place. She wants girls to get the most amazing experience possible, something she never got and something that made her that closed off girl she is today. She really and truly wants to help, to be someone who betters another life behind the scenes. But alas, her methods are wrong and they can only hurt in the long run, so no matter what her ‘rules’ are, someone is eventually going to find out. And it doesn’t matter what you say or even how you say it, you can’t polish a turd:

Hi, I know you don’t know me, but I had sex with your boyfriend and tutored him on how to treat you and how to speak to you in a respectful, kind way, so as to not ruin your romantic night because you’re both so nervous…I hope you don’t mind? I had the best intentions!

Boundaries will be pushed, you will feel utterly uncomfortable, and you likely will be on the edge of your seat for most of the novel, but it was the best feeling. I really hope people will open their mind and read about this wonderful set of flawed characters. My heart was in my throat, my stomach in knots, my hands over my mouth and eyes after 30% on, but not once did I dislike the feeling. To evoke such strong emotion from me is noteworthy, because it doesn’t happen often. In fact, I often avoid books like this because I just want to be happy-but this, this made me happy even with all the turmoil. My heart was crushed even as it was slowly being stitched up from the previous fracture, causing an endless loop of soul-crushing, mind-blowing, and heart-wrenching moments all swirling around in a tornado of feels, making my head spin and my body rebel any chance of sleep. But any author that can make me compare them to my beloved Courtney Summers is okay in my book, and I only hope her next novel is just as compelling-I know I will undoubtedly be watching and waiting for it.


For more of my reviews, please visit:






*************************

I loved this book with all my heart-even as every increasing page ripped my heart to shreds a little more. And here's the thing-I felt like I was reading a Courtney Summers novel...and that is the most surprising, most wonderful thing about this book-BESIDES ZACH, OF COURSE.





And LOYALTY. Mother fucking loyalty. My heart. Oh Gahd, it hurts.




SUCH a win.


Full review to come-I can't WAIT to write this one tonight!!!! Eeps.

[Rose · Rating 1 out of 5]

Initial reaction: I'm sorely in the minority of opinions about this book, but I'm sitting here in the aftermath of this book thinking, in gif form:



My outrage is less about the situation Mercy finds herself in for the latter part of the novel (which is messy, but I figured it would go that route) and has more to do with the complete misrepresentation of consent, cheating and rape (via coerced consent and blackmail) that this novel puts forward. Also, sexual stereotypes abound. It really pissed me off.

Full review:

*exhales slowly* If only this was the kind of review where I could say - "I hated it. Anti-feminist, anti-sex positive. Nothing more to say. Goodnight everybody." Nah, not that simple.

I think this is one of those books where if it had been treated with a lot more sensitivity and recognition for the issues within, I would've been more supportive. But while it's clear that Mercy/Mercedes has an unhealthy attitude about sex due to the circumstances, figures, and experiences she's had in her life - I honestly don't understand why the narrative failed to address these issues in an honest way. It feels like the narrative just glossed over them and Mercy never really has a true coming to terms with...well, anything. When I tagged this book as being "false advertising" - that's exactly what it is. It doesn't address any of its respective issues with the kind of weight it deserved. And let me be clear, this book is marketed as sex-positive and anti-slut shaming - but it is clearly NOT. There's slut shaming and constant sexual shaming throughout this darned book - and it's a harmful compilation of sexual stereotypes.

Sexual relations are complex topics to discuss enough when pertaining to adults, but discussing it in terms of teens gives it another level of complexity that not many people are prepared to dive into. I was prepared to give Laurie Elizabeth Flynn props for taking it head on, but what I got out of this read was just one more narrative that describes what I find to be the problem with a good portion of New Adult novels - sex being used as a means, being defined as a method of escapism, of a measure to feel "normal" and objectify rather than as the experience and choice that it is. In an ideal world, sexual choices would be respected for what they are and not be used as a means to label, objectify, criticize, or dehumanize/demean people. But yet this book plays right into the hand of those stereotypes rather than showing them for what they are.

The premise for this book is interesting and has a ton of potential talking points that it could've expounded upon. I knew that from the moment I heard Mercy/Mercedes was enacting a measure where she would help guys lose their virginity and purportedly have more confidence in their relationships with their girlfriends, it would be a book with some heavy topics to deal with. Not to mention a heavy fallout because you're talking about cheating - because these are guys that ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS - and the multiple sexual relationships that have the potential to be outed, Mercy potentially being used by guys who weren't really virgins, etc. I knew there would be fallout and that it would be hard to watch. I just didn't expect the execution of it to be undermined or not called for what it is. Mercy is a young woman who really doesn't have ownership of her body or control over her situation - she's "damaged" and seeking control. Which isn't so much being sex positive as much as it is compensating for a horrible situation.

A pertinent quote from the narrative - which was noted towards the end of the book:

I told Angela all about Luke in the letter...I told her that I don’t blame Luke for what I have been doing, that what he did to me doesn’t make it right for me to sleep with other girls’ boyfriends. I told her that I don’t even know if I really enjoy sex or if I just like the control I feel during it. I told her that I really did want to make them better at it so that their girlfriends would have better first times than I did. That was a big part of it for me, no matter how wrong it sounds out loud or how bad it looks on paper.

Considering what happened to Mercy, her first time was NOT a first time: it was a violation. And there isn't much expansion or notation to where Mercy calls it for what it is. SPOILERS: She was raped at 13, was pregnant - and dismissed/discredited by her rapist - but had a miscarriage. At no point in the narrative does Mercy ever say outright that she was raped, which is odd, because there are tons of examples in YA - "The Way I Used To Be", "Faking Normal", etc. where rape/attempted rape is called out for what it is and cited by their protagonists. Why doesn't Flynn note it as well?

While this point isn't revealed until much later in the narrative, it's alluded to throughout the novel, so I wasn't surprised when the reveal came about. But I suppose I'm getting ahead of myself because, there's a lot of problematic build-up to the end of the novel. I don't consider bringing the book to a more positive ending in the last three chapters to compensate for how problematic this book was through the majority of the narrative.

As I mentioned, Mercy's efforts aim in teaching several different guys how to be sexually experienced with their girlfriends in an effort to help them have the first time she never had. She instructs them, expects them to keep confidential to avoid fallout and complication with their girlfriends. She's self aware enough to know that this is a flawed plan and wants to stop herself at a certain point, but can't. (This almost feels like a sex addiction of some sort.) Plus, she keeps a secret notebook that ranks the guys based on their performance with her (which reminds me a little of what I hated in the YA work "Kissing Ted Callihan" - the protagonist there is caught with not really defining her multiple relationships to the people she's with, keeps a notebook about it, but it gets leaked. The protagonist in that never really came to terms with the repercussions of her actions and somehow it all worked out in her favor in an unrealistic way.)

The presentation of said encounters is discomforting to say the least, with Mercy outright telling one boy to ignore consent issues, one boy coercing her into another round of sex, and then another outright blackmailing her into having sex with him. I was horrified to see this in the novel, especially when consent and mutual respect for one's boundaries in any relationship, including sexual relations, are essential. These encounters were not just uncomfortable situations or things to be passed off as Mercy does in the novel, it was sexual assault/rape. I don't know how they could be passed off and remain unmentioned in the narrative in the way they were. It's inexcusable.

All the while, Mercy's not really in a relationship save her sexual flings with Zach (notably on Wednesdays). It's clear that Zach wants to be more than just her Chemistry partner and sex partner, but Mercy's afraid that she'll hurt him if there are more strings attached - since she doesn't have or want a boyfriend.

Mercy's situation is even more complicated in the measure that she's basically lying to everyone around her, including herself. She masks her relationships under a facade coupled by her friendship with Angela.

Direct quote:

I met Angela at prayer group in grade nine, which I only started going to because Kim was pushing me to find a boyfriend and naturally, I told her I wanted to join a convent instead. Angela is why I kept the charade up. And this year, the bonus has been that it makes an excellent cover for my pay-it-forward scheme. Even if there were a rumor or two, who would suspect the girl who’s almost a nun?

Mercy doesn't have parents in her life who seem to care about her. Her father is out of the picture (he does show up later in the novel) because of the divorce from her mother, Kim. Kim on the other hand doesn't seem to care what her daughter does and is noted that she would applaud some of Mercy's "bad" decisions because of Kim's own sexual pursuits.

Another direct quote:

Usually I do everything in my bed. Besides sleeping and having sex, I also study in it, watch movies, read books. I have a desk but barely use it. Kim used to chastise my attachment to my bed. “Don’t become one of those fatties who lay around all day and end up with bedsores,” she said once, when I was holed up in my room, poring over my notes before finals. Now, when she’s around to see a new guy come in or leave, her eyes flash with something resembling pride. Better a slut than a fatty with bedsores.

Slut shaming AND weight shaming? How about no. (There are jokes in here with referencing an eating disorder that I wasn't comfortable with either.)

When Faye comes into the picture as a new student, Mercy is half amused by her and half repelled. There are a number of times when Mercy (internally) shames her because of being jealous of Zach's attention to her, but there were other times when I think the narrative was baiting a potential f-f relationship between Faye and Mercy. While I could appreciate if the narrative were exploring parts of Mercy's sexuality, something about the exploration seemed off to me in terms of the presentation.

Ultimately, Mercy ends up being outed by one of her sexual pursuits (one who ties her up and videotapes her while they're having sex, while another gets and uses the footage to blackmail her even as he's the boyfriend of Mercy's friend). The fallout is brutal for Mercy, though what Zach and Faye do to take the attention off Mercy didn't sit well with me in the least (a sex tape just to take the dialogue away from her? AND Faye gets expelled from school while Zach doesn't get punished as harshly? The sexism in this book is rampant because it ends up focusing on male desire and sexuality more even as Mercy is purportedly helping the guys she's helping to give the girls more meaningful first times. The logic here is really skewed and not well presented at all.)

I feel like this book does more harm in terms of addressing teenage sexuality than it does good. It really doesn't address any of its respective issues with the responsibility needed to have some of its more meaningful contributions hit home, while other issues - like questionable consent, sexual assault, rape, sexual shaming (not just slut shaming) - gets under addressed or ignored entirely.

In the end, I would not recommend this narrative. I think I'm still waiting for a book that really feels sex-positive, body-positive, and doesn't rely on stereotypes to get its point across. This could've been so much better and had more talking points than what it provided.

Overall score: 1/5 stars.

Note: I received this as an ARC from NetGalley, from the publisher.

[AlenGarou · Rating 1 out of 5]

(Dragon Ball Gt… Siamo tutti qui… Non c’è un drago più super di così… Dragon Ball perchèèè… Ogni sfera…)
Oh, salve.
Scusate, stavo ancora canticchiando. Immagino che vogliate leggere la recensione e avrete (forse) notato che non ho messo l’avviso di spoiler. Ebbene, questa volta ho deciso di fregarmene. È per una buona ragione. Ovviamente spoiler ce ne saranno, perché vi tradurrò faticosamente il libro in queste quattro o cinque pagine che mi verranno fuori. Spero meno, perché altrimenti il sito si divertirà a tagliare la recensione come Giovanni Muciaccia, ma ho deciso porre una domanda alla fine. Una domanda che spero, qualche adolescente userà, non per rispondermi, ma per farsi un esame di coscienza. Per quello che può valere un quesito posto da me, che sono praticamente un bradipo.
Ad ogni modo, leggere questo libro è stata un’agonia. In tutti i sensi. Ha suscitato in me molte emozioni, nessuna delle quali era positiva. Anzi… avendo pure il ciclo, ho sofferto le pene dell’inferno in una maniera spropositata e all’inizio mi sono incazzata davvero come una belva, tanto che per un secondo ho rischiato l’ulcera. Il motivo in sé si può capire da solo.
Tuttavia, apprezzo ciò che la scrittrice ha provato a fare. Anche se le è uscito male.
Ormai l’adolescenza si è persa. Bruciata. Non esiste più come le mezze stagioni. Ma, nel tentativo di rappresentarla, la scrittrice non ha messo alcun nesso logico con quello che succede nella storia. Non c’è.
Veramente.
Non c’è una motivazione per quello che la protagonista ha fatto da piccola, né per quello che ha fatto in seguito, né per i comportamenti degli altri personaggi.
È tutto messo insieme con la coccolina. E chi è della mia generazione può ben capire i traumi infantili di quella roba, che ancora oggi non so usare.
Anche temi importanti come il bullismo e la gravidanza o l’aborto sono stati spolverati, ma non in modo concreto. Ma io farei comunque un applauso alla scrittrice perché ci ha provato. Certo, il libro è una zozzeria senza fine, ma sotto sotto i messaggi c’erano. Anche se sono peggio di uno scavo archeologico sul fondo dell’oceano.
Per concludere questa introduzione, vorrei fare un ringraziamento speciale a Cristina D’Avena e a Giorgio Vanni per aver reso la nostra infanzia quello che è. Perché sì. Mentre leggevo e mentre scrivevo questa recensione, la me bambina che ancora alberga nel mio animo si è nascosta in un angolino con le mani sulle orecchie, canticchiando senza sosta le sigle dei cartoni animati. Per cui mi sembrava giusto ringraziarli. Perché senza questa consolazione sarei probabilmente morta.

Il libro non perde tempo e ci piazza subito una lezione della maestra Mercedez.
(Ogni mistero per Conan non è più un mistero… Distingue il falso dal vero con abilità… Conan!)
Sì, lezione, perché lo scopo di vita che Mercedez si è assegnata da sola è quello di sverginare i ragazzi in modo da regalare alle loro ragazze una prima volta da sogno.
Sì…
Allora, non vi sto qui a fare premesse di come la penso perché altrimenti facciamo notte, ma per lo meno l’unico messaggio positivo che questo libro lancia è l’uso del preservativo. Come se non si potesse capire, dato che lei ha praticamente un intero negozi di profilattici in camera e sa riconoscere i vari tipi solo con un’occhiata.
(Hamtaro insieme io e te… ci divertiamo perché… tu sei il criceto più simpatico e più buffo che c’è…)
Ciononostante, i messaggi che lancia sono sbagliati. E fraintendibili per le ragazzine di oggi.
È solo l’inizio e mi sto facendo dei viaggi mentali allucinanti.
Allora, lei ha già sverginato cinque o sei ragazzi, non ricordo. E sono tutti fidanzati, anche da anni. Lei non lo fa per sé, ma lo fa per loro. Per aiutarli nella vita di coppia. Cioè che davvero mi meraviglia è che lei e nessun altro in tutte le recensioni che ho letto, abbia pensato a questo:
Quelle ragazze sono cornute ancora prima di perdere la verginità.
Vi giuro che mi sono preoccupata a essere l’unica ad averlo pensato. Cioè, magari poi ci arriva qualcun altro e lo spero, ma per il momento non so come contemplare questo pensiero. Ok, Mercedez pensa di fare del bene, ma l’universo non gira così. Anche perché non è meglio lasciarli fare da soli?
Voglio dire è la prima volta di entrambi. Magari farà schifo, magari no, ma hanno il diritto di passarci, anche perché è di per sé una fase di coppia.
Quindi no. Non li sta aiutando.
Affatto.
E ragazze, no, non fatelo anche voi. È sbagliatissimo. So che c’è gente che non ha alcuna morale e non gliene frega di andare con gente già fidanzata, ma comunque è da bollare come grandissimissima cazzata. Ma se non ci fosse questa roba improponibile non esisterebbe il libro, il che ci fa capire quanto spazzatura non sia.
(Rossana dai pensaci un può tu… perché qui non se ne può più… Con tutta la tua vitalità… Rossana sei proprio una piccola star…)
Cambia scena e andiamo a scuola, dove veniamo a conoscenza dei suoi amici. Angela, che vuole restare vergine fino al matrimonio e la fa partecipare con lei agli incontri di preghiera (inutile dire che non sa nulla dei suoi passatempi e si becca tante di quelle bugie); Charlie, il ragazzo di Angela e per finire Zack. Zack è il ragazzo che si scopa ogni mercoledì. Lui è innamorato di lei e vorrebbe avere una relazione vera, ma Mercedez è irremovibile su questo punto.
Quando Mercedez va in biblioteca, origlia una conversazione tra due ragazze, una delle quali è stata “aiutata” da lei. Ciò che mi ha fatto girare i coglioni, è che mentalmente si prende il merito se la sua prima volta è andata bene e commenta le piccole bugie con il quale esaltano le loro esperienze.
Ok, la verginità è vista come una malattia da cui guarire al più presto, ma a tutto c’è un limite. Ma non è finita qui. L’altra ragazza ha paura che il suo ragazzo voglia mollarla perché si è spaventata prima della loro prima volta e si è tirata indietro. Indovinate chi sarà il prossimo cliente di Mercedez?
(C’è un ragazzo laggiù… proprio come sei tu… Ardito e fiero… Vuole la libertà…)
Ah, giusto per essere chiari. Siamo ai primi capitoli.
Immagino che vi chiederete da dove abbia avuto questa geniale idea. Ebbene, ecco qua:
Lei cornifica le altre ragazze perché un giorno ha origliato una conversazione tra due amiche, una delle quali è rimasta incinta perché il suo ragazzo non ha voluto mettere il preservativo, ma non ha voluto comunque abortire anche se sapeva che sua madre l’avrebbe mandata in una scuola speciale per ragazzine incinte.
Scusatemi, devo fare una pausa :3
(Magica Doremi… Melody Sinfony… Magica Doremi… Che euforia…)
Ok, riprendiamo.
Ovviamente, dimenticato il fatto che è incinta, si concentra sul fatto che la sua amica sta pensando di avere la sua prima volta con il ragazzo con cui sta da anni. È preoccupata, ma promette di usare il preservativo.
La settimana dopo la tipa incinta viene spedita in qualche carcere da qualche parte nel regno di Immagilandia e Mercedez decide di prendere in mano la situazione.
Così
Senza
Un
Fottuto
Motivo.
(Peter Pan… Dai portaci con te in questa avventura… Peter Pan… Con te noi non abbiam paura…)
Va a parlare al ragazzo della tipa e lo invita a casa per scoparlo. Ovviamente lui le chiede il perché di quell’incontro, anche perché lei non ha nessun tipo d’interazione con lui o lei. E infatti non ha una spiegazione. A parte che voleva fare in modo che la tipa rimanesse ignara del dolore della prima volta. Perché nessuno è stato gentile con lei ecc…
Allora, è naturale.
È normale.
MA CHE CAZZO DI MINKIA VI PRENDE IN QUELLA FOTTU….
(dopo qualche minuto)
…FANCULO!
(Robin Hood… Un eroe come te non si trova in tutto il mondo… Robin Hood…)
Questo è da dove è partito il tutto. Purtroppo però, le sorprese non sono finite.
Veniamo a conoscenza che non se li scopa solo, ma tiene anche un diario dove studia i suoi incontri come se fossero scienza, affidando a ognuno degli ex vergini un soprannome, un voto e una descrizione.
(Voglio andare dove mi va… e non fermarmi qua… Questo viaggio mi porterà… da tutti i Pokèmon…)
Ora, voglio davvero sapere perché questo romanzo piace. Se qualcuno ha lasciato una recensione positiva è pregato di contattarmi per spiegarmelo. Perché sarò stupida io, ma non ci arrivo. Ok, noi donne siamo stronze e siamo noi a far venire complessi a qualsiasi essere vivente sulla faccia della terra. Ma davvero è così bello leggere un libro dove le ragazze vengono cornificate per una ragione insulsa? Una ragione che si può tradurre come: non sono fatti tuoi!
E qui non è tanto un discorso che lei è contro la morale spicciola, che questo libro è crudo per far capire verità supreme, che sfida la mentalità comune e vuole descrivere l’adolescenza di oggi.
No.
Sti grandissimi cazzi.
(Ciurmaaaaaa… Andiamo tutti all’arrembaggio… Forzaaaaa… Vediamo adesso chi ha coraggio…)
Continuiamo… Conosciamo la madre di Mercedez, una stronza assente che non si preoccupa della figlia. E da qui si capisce (o meglio intuisce, perché il libro è estremamente vago e non specifica nulla) il suo estremo bisogno di attenzioni e voglia di controllo. Ah, inutile dire che sua madre è fissata con una dieta o cosa nuova a settimana, quindi la protagonista è l’ennesima ragazza a rischio anoressia o bulimia.
Mercedez torna a scuola e si becca nel corso di economia domestica, non uno, ma ben tre ragazzi che si è portata a letto. E si vergogna. Strano…
La lezione del giorno è su come mettere il preservativo. Di bene in meglio per lei, utile per i comuni mortali. Sta per inabissarsi nella vergogna quando arriva Faye. La nuova arrivata, che Mercedez si beccherà anche in laboratorio di chimica al posto di Zack.
Inutile dire che, non appena si accorge dell’attenzione del ragazzo verso la nuova, s’ingelosisce.
(Su nel cielo blu… Pesca un’altra carta… Sakuraaa… che vola e va… di qua e di là… nell’immensità…)
Comunque, viene abbordata di nuovo. Ora che è arrivata a quota undici, tanto vale che svergini anche il dodicesimo.
Purtroppo, quest’ultimo si rivela un emulatore di mister Grey e anche se lo non vuole e ha la repulsione, se lo scopa comunque, avendo poi un attacco di nervi. Ok…
(Power Stone… Power Stone… Now and Forever… Power Stone… Power Stone… E vincerai…)
Il mattino dopo, si trova Zack davanti casa che le porta il caffè. È in anticipo, ma lei lo invita per una sveltina e lui… rifiuta, proponendo di camminare fino a scuola insieme. Ma sia mai! L’unica attività fisica che deve avere è quella da camera. Tre chilometri a piedi sono troppi…
Sì…
Insomma, Zack non la monta più e lei va in confusione.
Poi iniziamo a scoprire indizi sulla sua prima volta quando Angela e Faye sono a casa sua per un progetto. Non ricordo se scolastico o a caso. È stata con il giardiniere della madre a tredici anni. Ovviamente non può dirlo ad Angela, per cui s’inventa altre balle.
Il libro procede. Tutto va bene o andava bene. Aveva il suo piano, la sua formula. Ma poi decide di fregarsene e di farsi anche il tredicesimo. Ma non solo, rompe ogni schema. E finisce col dargli tre round e a permettergli di rimanere a dormire con lei. Ah, non era vergine.
Una caduta verso l’abisso?
No.
Nell’abisso c’era già.
(Una porta dischiusa ai confini del sole…. Che può aprirsi soltanto con un soffio d’amore….)
Andiamo avanti. Una sera incontra la sua amicona Faye e decide di accettare il suo invito a casa. Il loro rapporto mi ricorda quello di Black Swan. A sto punto non mi stupirei della parentesi lesbo.
A casa della ragazza, dove c’è anche Zack, abbiamo una panoramica del tipico rapporto degli adolescenti con i genitori: ragazze madri, padri scappati via, madri fissate con l’anoressia e il peso della figlia.
Arriverò viva alla fine di tutto questo?
Poi si susseguono noiose scene adolescenziali che non ci portano a nulla, quali: il ballo scolastico, il bere vodka nei bagni della scuola, risvegliarsi ubriachi a casa di tizi (in questo caso Zack) ecc ecc
Ma, attenzione. Un’altra rivelazione ci arriva quando va a cena con la madre, dopo aver invitato a casa sua il quattordicesimo ragazzo da scopare (perché tredici porta sfiga), perché ormai mi sa che la clientela non è più vergine da un po'. La madre la informa che il padre le ha abbandonate perché lei lo ha tradito e che in realtà non era pronto a fare il genitore.
Wow…
Libro…
Non potresti più essere patetico e noioso di così.
Poi iniziano i veri drammi.
(Tu giochi già a Duel Monster… E lotti fra… Due misteriose realtà… So Yugi Oh…)
Prima c’è Mercedez che muore dalla gelosia per Zack, mentre Zack muore dalla gelosia per lei, ma quando il ragazzo le rivela che trova che il comportamento di Charlie sia strano, lei gli dà dello stupido. Poi, quando Charlie si presenta a casa sua come al solito per parlare di Angela, vuole avere con lei la sua prima volta. Mercedez rifiuta e Charlie inizia a minacciarla: ha fatto installare a uno dei 14 una webcam con la quale l’ha ripresa e, se non farà come dice o racconterà tutto ad Angela, lui renderà pubblico il video.
Prima di tutto: come minkia ha installato una webcam senza che lei se ne accorgesse? Poi, dov’è che l’ha messa? Dato che riprende bene le sessioni di sesso deve essere vicina al letto, come ha fatto a non vederla? Anche perché mica scopa con il pc acceso. E solo per curiosità, io non me ne intendo di elettronica, ma le webcam non devono essere collegate a qualcosa per funzionare?
Quindi boh.
Tutto questo è solo perché lei si è mezza in mezzo tra lui e Angela e ha rovinato una sorpresa.
Poteva essere anche il fatto che gli ha pestato un piede a sto punto.
Comunque c’è il tentato stupro (perché in un libro per adolescenti DEVE esserci lo stupro) e Mercedez inizia a capire la gravità della situazione. Vuole nascondersi, ma decide di presentarsi il giorno dopo a scuola e dire tutto ad Angela.
Purtroppo Charlie sa come pararsi il culo e la ragazza è costretta ad andare da lei una sera, ancora in preda allo shock per il fatto che ha beccato i suoi genitori (sì, il padre ritorna) a limonare duro in ingresso.
Ovviamente, a casa di Angela c’è Charlie e le impedisce di farle il suo discorsetto perché chiede alla giovane di sposarlo, sotto gli occhi attoniti e felici dei genitori di lei. Quindi, la rivelazione deve aspettare, dopo. E ovviamente non è accolta bene. E via con la musica da tragedia greca!
Il giorno dopo, tutti hanno visto il video e succede il finimondo. Ovviamente partono insulti, minacce di morte, coppie che scoppiano ecc ecc
Solo Faye le rimane vicino, con Zack. E Mercedez viene sfolgorata da un’illuminazione: è colpa sua.
Ma va??? Solo adesso ti fermi a pensare?
In una trentina di pagine, la scrittrice si diverte a far vedere gli effetti del bullismo incondizionato, tanto che i fatti sono due: o uno prova pena per Mercedez perché è portato a farlo, oppure si chiede per l’ennesima volta perché ha letto sto libro.
Ma poi… la tragedia. Sì, ancora.
Allora, io iniziavo quasi ad apprezzare il tentativo dell’autrice di denunciare il bullismo. Perché anche Faye ha avuto una storia simile a quella di Mercedez… circa. Lei se n’è andata dalla vecchia scuola perché è stata ripresa mentre era ubriaca e faceva sesso. Ma questo non è nemmeno colpa sua. Lei è una vittima. Mercedez no.
Ma quando Faye e Zack prendono in mano la situazione e decidono di far finire i quindici minuti di celebrità di Mercedez che, no, non finiscono comunque, lo fanno nel peggiore dei modi.
Fanno un finto film porno e lo proiettano durante l’assemblea scolastica, davanti a tutti.
Un film porno proiettato davanti a tutti.
(Un incantesimo dischiuso tra i petali del tempo… Brilla nell’oscurità…)
Poi va beh, ci sono scene alla Black Swan dove sembra che Faye e Mercedez stiano per limonare duro, e Zack continua a essere premuroso nonostante tutto. Mercedez scrive una lettera ad Angela dove le spiega qualsiasi cosa, fin dal principio, e in qualche modo Angela la perdona. E molla Charlie.
Sì, finalmente capisce quanto sia viscido.
Quindi, la storia si conclude con Mercedez ancora al centro del bullismo, ma continua per la sua strada con Faye e Zack al suo fianco. E Angela. E inizia ad uscire con Zack come tutte le coppie normali.
Quindi, cosa ci ha insegnato questa storia?
Le sigle dei cartoni animati!
Esatto!
Ma per ultima, ho lasciato la chicca.
La storia di quello che è successo a Mercedez a tredici anni… TREDICI ANNI MOCCIA! TREDICI ANNI!
Allora, si era presa una cotta per il giardiniere, Luke. Lui stava finendo il liceo (credo). Ogni sera durante l’estate la portava in un parchetto dove le ha insegnato a fumare erba e a fare pompini, perché dato che le diceva che era la sua ragazza doveva renderlo felice e lei ci metteva tutta se stessa. Una sera, però, ubriaco e fumato, ha voluto di più e, anche se lei non ha detto di sì, o di no, o prova a fare qualsiasi cosa, la svergina contro lo scivolo e poi se ne va senza dire una parola.
Sì, evviva i libri per ragazze. Dove gli stupri sono onnipresenti.
Perché sì. È uno stupro.
Sul serio, ma avete sbattuto la testa cadendo dal seggiolone l’anno scorso?
Ad ogni modo, Luke si volatizza nell’etere, lasciando nella confusione Mercedez, che si chiede dove ha sbagliato. Finché non scopre di essere incinta. Ovviamente non lo dice a nessuno, ma grazie al potere della preghiera, ha un aborto spontaneo che scarica giù per il cesso.
Fine.
Grazie per gli incubi.
Quindi qual è il nesso tra la sua prima volta, quella degli altri, la madre assente, la voglia di controllo e la voglia di non avere una relazione? Penso sia per pura interpretazione personale.
Vi chiedo scusa. Mi rendo conto che questa recensione non sia chiara, perché nemmeno il libro non è scritto in maniera magistrale, ma spero che abbiate recepito i punti salienti.
Vorrei concludere con una riflessione rivolta agli adolescenti. Ora, so che probabilmente di adolescenti che leggono le mie stronzate ce ne sono pochi, come gli unicorni, perché è possibile che non sappiano nemmeno come sia fatto un libro, ma volevo scriverlo comunque.
Ma ne vale davvero la pena?
Sarete giovani per diciassette anni, alcuni dei quali non avrete alcuna capacità cognitiva e non serberete benchè minimo ricordo se non grazie ai racconti e alle fotografie. Per cui è così fondamentale bruciarsi i migliori anni della vostra vita per diventare già grandi? Guardate, avrete tutto il tempo per disperarvi, per soffrire per amore, per sentire il peso del mondo posato sulle vostre spalle, in un lasso di tempo che potrebbe andare dai cinquant’anni o anche ottanta, perché no?
Quindi perché non godersi l’infanzia e l’adolescenza?
Perché buttarle via?
E non dite che è un periodo di merda perché siete VOI che vi ostinate a viverlo così.
L’adolescenza è bellissima. Potete sfoggiare ancora l’innocenza dell’infanzia, l’ingenuità, la curiosità, eppure iniziate a toccare con mano il mondo degli adulti. Muovere i primi passi in una società che è tutto a parte che semplice.
Eppure vi ostinate a crescere troppo in fretta. A rovinarvi.
Ora, il corpo è vostro e potete farci quello che volete, ma il tempo no. Il tempo sfugge via e non si guarda indietro, né ascolta le vostre supplice.
Non sono un santone, un guru di vita, ma una povera pirla che si vuole male, che scrive cazzate e che a ventitre anni vorrebbe ritrovare quella sensazione di libertà e gioia infantile, per cui ve lo chiedo di nuovo.
Ne vale davvero la pena?

[May R · Rating 3 out of 5]

UNA NOVELA FRESCA, DIFERENTE Y ORIGINAL DENTRO DEL NEW ADULT. PERO LE FALTA BASTANTE CURRO

Soy tu primera vez es una novela New Adult autoconclusiva dirigida a un público menos adulto y que tiene una historia original pero con poco tirón, algunos personajes interesantes y otros planos, y una idea que está bien pero a la que le falta trabajo.
Me gustaría hablar de la sensación general que he tenido al leer la novela. Me ha gustado, está bien escrita, pero me ha dejado con un sabor de boca agridulce. Es una novela que podría haber dado más y que se queda en lo superficial. No tiene nada especial que el lector vaya a valorar y a subrayar de la obra, sino que es una más. La sensación que he tenido al acabarla ha sido de haber leído una novela más entre tantas. No es una novela memorable ni que deje huella, sino que se apila en el montón de este género.
La idea de la trama es original. En un principio es chocante que Mercedes haga lo que hace y parece poco ético. De hecho en las primeras páginas no queda claro si lo hace por dinero o si hay una razón detrás. Evidentemente después el lector descubre que, aunque quizás no esté de acuerdo con la filosofía de la valiente protagonista, no es para tanto lo que hace y hay una razón detrás. Sin duda es original y personalmente nunca he leído una novela que tratara sobre esto. Quizás la autora podría haberlo llevado a otro plano, pero se queda en peleas de instituto y en rollos de grupos de amigos, y eso es lo que hace que la idea pierda todo el tirón.
La trama se hace algo pesada a veces y lo cierto es que es una novela demasiado larga para lo que cuenta. Hay muchas escenas de relleno y no se ve un desarrollo de los personajes ni de la historia página tras página.
Los personajes tienen diferentes niveles de profundidad. Mercedes está muy bien trabajada y va dándonos partes de sí misma poco a poco creando un halo de misterio a su alrededor. Pero por ejemplo Zach es planísimo, y lo mismo ocurre con Angela y Faye. No sabes quién es quién y hasta se confunden algunas veces.
Las escenas de sexo son probablemente lo más interesante de la novela. Sobre todo en la primera mitad, ya que en la segunda casi no hay escenas. Son escenas poco detalladas y que no van muy allá, pero la situación que plantea la autora de Mercedes acostándose por trabajo con un virgen es muy interesante y llama la atención del lector.
El ritmo de la novela no está mal. A veces atrapa y otras no. Hacia la mitad de la misma el lector va perdiendo interés porque las escenas parecen entrar en un círculo y siempre ocurre lo mismo. Ahí el ritmo empieza a decaer muchísimo. Es imposible separar ritmo de trama y es la trama lo que hace que el ritmo decaiga. No engancha demasiado y aunque atrapa un poco podría haberlo hecho mucho más.
En general es una novela un tanto floja pero que puede gustar a lxs lectorxs del género porque se sale de todo lo que hay escrito.

[Sarah Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Source: I received a digital copy of this book for free on a read-to-review basis. Thanks to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley.)

“Tonight, I’m doing Evan Brown’s girlfriend a favour. An awkward, sweaty, fumbling favour. Melanie, or whatever her name is, owes me big time.”



This was quite an interesting story about one girl and her de-virginising service.

Mercedes seemed to have good intentions by sleeping with boys so that their first times with their girlfriends were special, but I’m not really sure that she really thought things through fully. Thinking that people would never find out was maybe a bit naïve, and not considering the position she was putting herself in was a mistake too, its not likely that girls would be happy about her sleeping with their boyfriends.

The storyline in this followed Mercedes as her list of virgins that she’d slept with grew, and her rules slipped. I disliked how she didn’t seem to want a relationship with the one guy who might be good for her, and couldn’t help but feel sorry for Zach and the way she treated him. There was also one guy who I really didn’t like.

The ending to this was okay, although I have to say that Faye and Zach’s plan was beyond ridiculous.




7 out of 10

[Giselle · Rating 4 out of 5]

An unsolicited Advanced Reader Copy was provided by the publisher for review.

Oh Mercedes..She was misguided from the very beginning. From the moment she realized she could "help" virgin boys, to romance their girlfriends when they ended up doing the deed together. A perfect system she created so boys could learn. The entire time I'm thinking it's going to blow up in her face. It was so wrong.. And her heart might have been in the right place, but it wasn't. I felt so much for her. I knew she was keeping something only because she would never talk about the past and you know that's just a prelude to why she is doing something like this and thinking it's right. I love how everyone is blaming her when in reality it's also the boyfriend's fault as well. Mercy gets all the backlash and the boys? Nothing. I think she did the girls all a favour because now they all see what tools their boyfriends are. Then there's Zach who is one of the kindest boys around. Who wants nothing more than to be around her. He made me smile a lot.. Affectionate and caring! Then there's Faye who is held a secret of her own while also becoming a good best friend.

What can I say? I like a book where the main character is on the wrong path because I can't wait until she finally realizes the whole time what she was doing was wrong. This is that book. The one book where you're reading from The Homewrecker's point of view. Besides all the labels I found this to be rather heartwarming and real. True to the voice of a teenager who didn't know any better. Who needed something like this to happen to her so she can finally realize for herself that she is worth it.

You're going to want to read this if you liked The Duff. It has similar tendencies and I couldn't stop laughing in the beginning. Firsts is a great debut that will definitely pull at your heart strings!

RATING 4/5

QUOTES

"I just saw a chance to make myself useful." (32)

"The one in control calls the shots, and the one in control sets the pace. Most important of all, the one in control doesn't get hurt." (35)

"I like happy endings. I can't help it if I like when they end up together." (119)

"Monogamy, the ultimate bookend." (127)

"People don't have a standard reaction. People aren't a chemistry experiment you can tinker with until the proportions are just right." (142)

"I was never good at doing what people tell me." (233)

"Some lucky guy will be very happy to be your boyfriend. And he will respect you and never pressure you, because that's what love is. He'll want to be around you all the time. And nothing you do will make him leave, no matter how many times you push him away." (306)

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." (306)

[Megan Gattone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book - Not really suitable to children! It's a newer age story that a real life 'Easy A' if you ask me.

Not really my kind of book, but it fit the bill for the time being.

[Jeanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Trigger Warnings: This book contains 2 rape scenes (coerced consent) and one attempted rape that involves a violent physical assault. The main character makes a bulimia joke, at the expense of her mothers in a scene that trivializes eating disorders. Consent is completely misrepresented, twice the main character explicitly tells boys to ignore consent. Physical assault :the main character slaps a boy in the face, but dismisses it as okay because “he likes it when I’m rough.”


The Trouble with the Fallen Woman Archetype

One of the biggest flaw of the redemption story for a sexually active girl is the assumption she’s done something wrong.

Firsts makes a lot of promises that I truly believe it could have delivered on if it had gone through a few more revision. The potential is there, littered through out the narrative like loose threads left dangling. This could have been a sex positive and subversive exploration of the social construct of virginity, but instead it’s just another story of a Fallen Woman. This time with a “Happily Ever After” tacked on at the end.

There are a lot of issues I ran into in the story, I want to try to at least touch on most of them to both explain my reaction to the book and to explore the common problem that I keep seeing in how we view sexually active women in stories. Because much of what bothered me is very common in many genres of literature, and media in general.

I want to be very clear, I am not holding Firsts solely responsible to fixed these issues in media. If anything I want to address how much of what is in this book is a reaction to those tropes and cliches. So we can kind of see how we got here in the first place, and why this book can seem progressive while being the complete opposite.

I can understand why this books is so appealing. There’s a certain kind of Schadenfreude and catharsis that comes from Fallen Women stories. Where we both get to live vicariously through a characters' sexual exploits, but also get to watch their inevitable fall from grace in all it's graphic and horrific glory. There's a ugly sense of "satisfaction" that a lot of people feel when they see a woman, who gets away with things other women don't get to experience, finally gets caught and subsequently punished. Most people won't admit to enjoying this, but it's huge fixture of these kinds of stories and I suspect a big part of their appeal.

As author Tiffany Reisz says, erotica is much closer to Horror than Romance. The fear, intensity, and titillation are key themes in Erotica, Horror, and Tragedies. While First isn’t technically in these genres, it’s pulling from all of them in it’s use of the Fallen Woman archetype and resembles them far more closely that Romance. From The Scarlet Letter to Cruel Intentions (Les Liaisons dangereuses), the central focus of the Fallen Woman story is the fear of discovery that builds tension, the climatic exposure, shame/public humiliation, and sometime the redemption of forgiveness.

The central themes of a Fallen Woman story are fear, shame, and forgiveness, not love or empowerment. Also common themes are rape, slut shaming, and repentance. Over hundreds of years these constants of the Fallen Woman trope haven’t change, and all are present in Firsts. Though in this version the Fallen Girl is given a happy ending, but that doesn’t change the fact that the story depends heavily on her fear and pain for dramatic tension and her humiliation for the climax of the story. So it isn’t really subverting the anything. Especially since the Mercedes redemption relies upon a boy to forgive and love her to make her worthy again.

Review Proper [Spoilers Abound]

Right off the bat I was struck by the staggering lack of empathy and depth for girls/women verse the sheer amount time and care poured into sympathizing with the boys, especially the ones who cheat on their girlfriends with Mercedes. The fact that it is rarely even phrased in this way, as cheating, in the book says a lot. Another stark example of this gendered double-standard is how Mercedes herself views her parents. Her father, who is absent for most of the book and her life, is barely mentioned. Despite this he is viewed by Mercedes as better than her mother, Kim, who is portrayed as a disturbingly sexist caricature of a divorcee mother.

Kim really stands out, because she represents a very common form of slut shaming that is rarely addressed. The Desperate Divorcee. A rich, lonely, desperate older woman who wears too much make up, gets too much plastic surgery, lies about her age, chases younger men, and pushes her daughter to be sexy. These are all points upon which Mercedes makes fun of and criticizes her own mother. Even Mercedes is part of this slut shaming myth that insists that these bad mothers, these Desperate Divorcees, alone are responsible for turning their own daughters into sluts by not being loving and nurturing enough. By being sexy in the “wrong way,” by being sexually active when they should be mothers.


Angela, Mercedes best friend, doesn’t make it out much better than Mercedes mom. From the moment she is introduced it’s well established that much of the rifted between them (of which Angela is not aware of at all) exist because of her religious beliefs and Mercedes sexual activity. What is also very plain is that Mercedes resents her friend a lot. She uses a notebook Angela gave her to track her exploits with the boys, and repeatedly mentions how scandalizes Angela would be by everything she does. While I theorize these resentment lies in Mercedes’ envy that her friend still has her innocence and virginity intact, that is never explored.

In contrast, A girl named Jillian, who Mercedes doesn’t even know that well, is all but canonize in her mind for being all the same things that Mercedes resents her best friend for being. But Jillian’s purity and innocence seem very precious to Mercedes, which is why she decides to sleep with Jillian’s boyfriend to ensure he gives Jillian the first time Mercedes never got.

Mercedes logic behind why she’s provided her service is so fascinating and poignant, but again it lacks exploration until the very end where it’s delivered in an info dump of exposition. It was so frustrating to see an opportunity to link Mercedes own experience to why all the girlfriends of the boys, Mercedes sleeps with, had such high expectations.


Time and again boys are prioritize before girls. Mercedes thinks far more about the boys she’s teaching than the feelings of their girlfriends or even herself. This is demonstrated so painfully when she has sex she actually enjoys it and immediately is concerned about it. Since she has effectively made sex her job, Hell her mission even. Her own pleasure isn’t even considered. Which bothers me so much. There is a notable very little pleasurable/enjoyable sex in the entire book. Another huge red flag. Sex is work. Sex is a lesson. Sex is distraction. Sex isn’t fun. That’s not sex positive, at all.

As for Faye, the new girl, who is a prime example of queer baiting, felt very forced and unravelled what little believability the story had left for me. She was a rather blatant story device used to push Mercedes and Zach together, and to teach Mercedes lessons that should have already been integrated into the story from the start.


As for the love interest, Zach, he’s the worst kind of “nice guy” cliche. I lost any respect I had for him the minute he tired to put his dick in Mercedes without wearing a condom. Even though he knew she as a rule about only practicing safe sex. One strike he is out. The other boys and the remaining cast are forgettable faceless cardboard cut-outs. Even the villain is a boring cliche and I saw him coming a mile away. Don’t even get me started on the Spanish exchange student who coerces Mercedes into consenting to sex, which is in fact rape, who was a really gross racist cliche from his ridiculous broken English dialogue to his “chocolate brown eyes.” Because of course the only character of color in the story is a rapist. *heavy sigh*

Some other things that bothered me were the mishandling of consent, the heavy use of rape (without labeling it as such), a distinct anti-abortion tone, and the shoehorning in of religious themes at the end.

Consent: Twice Mercedes tells boys to disregard consent, and in the scene where the Spanish exchange student coerces her into sex she says putting her hand in his hand means she’s giving consent, which completely misrepresents consent and confuses what is a very clear cut case of rape.

Rape: There are two scenes that involve coerced consent, i.e. rape, and once scene of an attempted rape that involves Mercedes being physically assaulted. At no time are any of these situations labeled as rape, and the resulting trauma is never addressed though it is obviously a huge factor both in Mercedes choices and she exhibits clear symptoms of post traumatic stress and anxiety related to the abuse she experienced.

Anti-Abortion: There is a scene where a Mercedes over hears a conversation between two classmates, in which one has discovered she is pregnant. The other girl suggests an abortion and the response is “No way. I might be fucked-up, but I would never do that.” The implications and associated condemnation is quite clear. In a flashback, Mercedes discovered she was pregnant after being coerced into having sex for the first time at age 13. She schedules an appointment to get an abortion but prays that the baby will just “go away” and wakes up to pain and a miracle miscarriage (which isn’t portrayed very realistically). Considering this pregnancy and miscarriage are a huge part of the trauma Mercedes experienced due her rape and the inspiration for her “service” it is a huge miss to throw this into the end of the book without ever exploring or really unpacking it in the rest of the story. It feels rushed and inserted to illicit sympathy for the poor Fallen Girl.

Religion: The religious overtones come in at the end of the story, which makes them very jarring and distracting. Mercedes praying for miscarriage is part of it. But she also quotes the Bible while reconciling with Angela, and even continues to attend prayer circle. She even talks about giving up control, a theme heavily used through the story. There’s a distinct feeling that she’s giving up control and having faith in god. Though it’s not explicitly said. Not to mention she finds redemption in the love and forgiveness of a boy, and a monogamous heterosexual relationship with him. To be clear, I have nothing wrong with religious overtones or Christian romance. Here it felt forced and sloppy.


Forced and sloppy summarizes my overall criticism of the book. It really feels like a first draft. Full of potential, but badly in need of several sets of eyes and more redrafting to refine the story. Oh how I wish I could read that story.

Though part of me really wonders if you can really subvert slut shaming with a Fallen Woman story at all. The optimistic side of me says yes. I see so much potential in this book it makes me believe this can be done. It just takes peeling back the layers and exploring the motivations of characters past our cliche prejudiced assumptions, especially in regards to women.

For example: Maybe the girls have such high expectations around losing their virginity because in some way they can sense it’s one of the few ways in which girls are valued in our culture.

Maybe if Mercedes relationship with her father was explored more. If we knew what is was like prior to or even knew how old she was when he left. Maybe we could explore how such a huge loss not only impacts Mercedes but her mother too. I mean the man named his daughter after a car. He treated them both the women in his like like objects and discard them when they became too much a burden. How about how her father leaving marked this loss of innocence as much as her loss of virginity did? Maybe explore how she was attempting to regain that feeling of value from Luke and he took advantage of that power to rape her. And how Kim’s insistence on sexualizing her daughter is a misguided attempt to give her daughter value denied to her by her ex-husband.

Kim and Mercedes are both products of a world that values women as object, whether they are virgins or sluts, based solely on their sexual availability to men. Mercedes thought she could game the system by taking control over other girls first time in order erase the trauma of her own. Much like Kim hurts Mercedes as she tries to repair her broken marriage by trying live vicariously through her daughter. Mercedes controls other girls and ultimately hurts them and herself by acting exactly like her mother.

But neither Mercedes or her mother created this never ending cycle. They are just continuing it. The fault doesn’t lie on them. I'm tired of books that only address the symptoms and not the actual problem. Which is the case with Firsts.

[TL *Humaning the Best She Can* · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buddyread with the lovely Shelby *wants some flying monkeys*:)

Read Shelby's thoughts on the book here. She has a different opinion on it but that's cool... if we all loved the same things it would be a boring world indeed, head over and give her some love :)
~~~~

I received this via Goodreads FirstReads giveaway in an exchange for an honest review.

Well..


Indeed... I surprised myself by loving this



Good you job you sneaky book :)

One of the best YA books I've read in awhile... the old but true saying "Wasn't sure what to expect but decided to take a chance on it anyway"

Mercedes/Mercy isn't easy to like sometimes but there was just something about her that kept me reading. I can see where she thinks she's 'helping' these guys (don't get me wrong, I didn't approve of her 'system' at all) but all I was thinking about these guys were if you really cared about your girlfriends, you wouldn't have stopped by her room. I didn't have much sympathy for them, even the nice ones.


LOVED Faye, she was my favorite of the book actually... and Zach was a sweetheart. It warmed my heart how they stuck by Mercedes when the shit hit the fan and when they made the sex tape and showed it to the school assembly

When everything came out (and honestly, I don't see how Mercedes thought she could keep it up under wraps), I was proud of her for not hiding in her room and not coming out. It took courage to walk into that school and keep her head up. The aftermath of everything regarding after the truth came out was about what I expected but also glad it wasn't worse than that.
Although I do think more of the hate should have been spread to the guys as well... takes two to tango after all.

Charlie that creep... I wanted to stab him in the eye with a fork and kick him in the nads. Angela is better off without him, I was glad when she came around and dumped his butt.

The story with Luke at the playground *glares at him* ... It puts a light onto Mercedes' behavior, and I felt more sympathetic towards her, even if I didn't agree with everything she did.

Would recommend giving this a chance :) It won't be for everyone, you'll most likely either love it or hate it.


The ending wasn't what I thought it would be and I didn't see how it would be a happy ending with Zach and Mercedes together. He is a patient and more understanding person than most would be, and a good person.

It was very sweet the last few pages and had me smiling. :) A small part of me hoped she would have ended up with Faye *shifty eyes* Their friendship is wonderful though.

[Sophie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher via NetGalley. This in no way impacted on my view.

Ever since I discovered the Sixteen to Read Twitter account, I have had this book on my tbr wish list, and couldn't not request it fast enough when I noticed it was on NetGalley. First of all, thank you so much, St. Martin's Griffin, for allowing me the opportunity to read this amazing book.

Firsts had a real 'Easy A' vibe about it: if you liked that movie, you should love this book. The MC, Mercedes, had an awful first time having sex, and has decided to help others to have a perfect first time. How? By sleeping with male virgins, so that they can give their girlfriends the 'perfect first time'. This had all worked out very well, for a long time. However, the guys start spreading the news of what's happening, and more and more boys are trying to meet Mercedes. She knows that if it ever gets out what she's done, it'll ruin her life. And, things turn a bit sinister when one boy, who happens to be her very religious best friend's boyfriend, decides he won't take no for an answer.

Things are further complicated by Zach, the guy Mercedes has been sleeping with for months now, wants more than just their regular Wednesday meetings. When the new girl, Faye, becomes friendly with them both, Mercedes feels something she hasn't in a very long time - jealousy.

What I really loved about this book was that it had serious undertones, underneath the main story. When people find out about Mercedes and the virgins she's been sleeping with, who do you think is the one ridiculed, the one shamed? Not the guys. The old adage says 'it takes two to tango', so why, in today's society, is it always the female member who is shamed? Slut-shaming is a serious thing, and is so unbelievable sexist. that it doesn't bear thinking about. Yes, Firsts is a story, but if something like that happened in real life, I don't think anything would be different.

I loved how Mercedes was not the perfect MC either. She had vulnerabilities, mainly why she was doing what she did, which we get little glimpses at, until it all comes out at the end of the novel. She had only three real friends, and even then she was wary about opening up to them. She was distrustful, and had basically raised herself since her parents are never there. Mercedes was, basically, a really relatable character. I never found her annoying, boring, etc., and her voice was so unique that I couldn't put the book down for a minute.

The romance in the book was as sweet as anyone would want. With just the right amount of angst and fluff, it was everything you need in a YA contemporary. Zach was the best love interest for Mercedes, and I loved how the book ended - everything was wrapped up very nicely.

Firsts is a book that I've wanted since I discovered it, and it did not let me down. I am honestly in love with these characters, and Flynn's writing - there's no doubt in my mind that this was an amazing debut, and I'll definitely read more of her work in the future. I can't recommend this book enough, and would say that everyone needs to get their hands on a copy. Pre-order it now!

[Dahlia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't wanna rate this yet (ETA: screw it, I came back and gave it 5 stars because it's really not likely I'm gonna give it anything less) because I was so desperate to finish it and see what happens before I had to put my phone away for the weekend that I just skimmed the last quarter, but holy shit. I can't even believe this got published, but I am so, so glad that it did. I honestly had secret fears this would be done the same way a lot of books with really controversial-sounding main characters are, where we get them when they've basically put that all behind them, but noooope. I *love* how much we get to see Mercedes doing this, all the different connections and relationships she forges and doesn't, different reasonings, LACK OF SLUT-SHAMING HERSELF, and especially the way different nights with different boys highlight different things that can go wrong - they don't read like cautionary tales, but as the truths that they are, and even though they aren't all given as much weight as I might have wanted simply because there really wasn't room for that in this book (though it's not inconsistent with Mercy's character that she wouldn't dwell on certain things I might have), those are the things that really stuck to me when I was reading, like the way in Nova Ren Suma's 17 & Gone, despite everything going on, it was the little vignettes about how different girls disappear at 17 that really, really drilled into me, beyond the plot, beyond the main story.

I know this book won't be for everyone, and that's fine. But I know I'll be rec-ing this one a LOT to people with my taste for years to come.

[Tink Magoo is bad at reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 bitchin' stars

It's like this book had claws that reached out and hooked me from right after I read the synopsis.

I freaking loved it. The whole premise of it. Quite frankly teenage boys and many men need help making sex good for their partner , especially that first time so I liked Mercedes idea. No of course I didn't like the boyfriends cheating and giving their first times to someone other than their girlfriends but then they were trying to do it for a good reason, even if it was misplaced and no that's not an excuse - I would go ape shit if I found out my boyfriend had done something like that.

Yes it's predictable. You know the bombs gonna drop but I could not put this book down. I'm pretty convinced there is some voodoo going on with this authors writing, it keeps you gripped , makes you gag your offspring so you can "just finish this chapter" instead of feeding them, makes you hide in a closet with a torch while your other half sleeps - cause you NEED to " finish this bit" even though he opens the door and informs you that "bit" has taken you an hour to read.

Right from the start you sense how lonely and damaged Mercedes is. She gets affection and attention from the boys she "helps" even if it is in small amounts and in a convoluted way. It makes her feel important, gives her a purpose were she feels there is none. She uses it as an excuse to keep her distance from her best friend and possible boyfriend, because if she lets them in they could find out the truth.

Can't stress enough how well written this is. I read a lot and everything about the book impressed me even if overall I spent a lot of the book feeling sad.

Okay yes some might find her age an issue with what Mercedes does and the general fact that she isn't very likeable, but put your prudish tendencies aside and blimmin' read this or don't and stick with cheesy fluff with roses and candles and shit. Whatever, I loved it! It was different and refreshing.

[Beatrice · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for providing an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

Surprisingly, I really enjoyed this book. It's well written, daring, thought provoking and one of a kind story that we don't usually see in a young adult book. For a YA novel, it is a little mature. I don't really mind sex in YA but with the issues tackled here, you must keep an open mind about it.

Mercedes / Mercy offers to have sex with virgin guys. She teaches them what to do or not to do on sex so that these guys can give their girlfriends a pleasurable, flawless first time. If you're going to think about it? It's very unusual. She has good intentions of helping them and doesn't want those girls to experience what she'd been experience. Certainly her actions are wrong, ridiculous and stupid.

However, I was eager to know the story behind all of it. Which makes me understand her more. She definitely has family issues. Still, there are consequences she had to face and learned her lessons in a hard way. Overall, it is a great debut novel.

[Lala BooksandLala · Rating 4 out of 5]

Firsts is a story about a girl who invites virgins into her room to show them the ropes, to learn from her, and to bring their newly found confidence back to their girlfriends, in order to then give THEM a great first time.

Of course things get messy and complicated, and Mercedes starts to have conflicting thoughts regarding how others are perceiving her and if she is making the right choices, all while discovering her own sexual desires.

There were many important discussions about slut shaming, the trivialization of virginity, the expectations put on teenage boys to know what they're doing, and about owning your sexuality. I do wish it had gone a little bit deeper, with more on the topic of slut shaming based on your number of partners, how you look, how you act etc. especially because she talked about appearing like a prayer group girl, but then she started coming to school in high heels and lingerie tops and it was a great opportunity to bring up how your appearance can, but shouldn't generate assumptions about your sex life.

The characters were all believable, even when you would rather them not be - it was definitely an honest portrayal of the people you encounter in high school.

The new friendship that blossomed in the book, and the ending that resulted from it was definitely a little too easy for me. The character (while enjoyable) just felt like an obvious plot device to get a nicely wrapped up ending. However I'm choosing to forgive my issues with that due to the epiphany moment Mercedes had for understanding where her attraction to her friend was coming from - I really thought that was handled and explained simply and beautifully.

There's one very specific moment of this book that I really think needs tweaking, and it happens in the first few pages. Mercedes tells a boy to "never ask if you can do something" and that it's better to be confident and bold. This really needs some expanding, as the character almost comes across as perpetuating rape culture, and that a person doesn't need consent. This doesn't fit the tone of the narrative at all, as she herself was pressured into her first sexual experience and that's kind of the point of everything that subsequently occurs. Even a slight edit where she tells him that "once you've made sure she WANTS to be there" or that "once you've both already consented" "NOW you can be bold and take charge"...that would change the entire conversation.

A fantastic début novel.

I received a copy from netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[❃**✿【Yasmine】✿**❃ · Rating 5 out of 5]

LIVE!

ARC received by NetGalley
4.5 STARS

Genre: Young Adult, New Adult crossover
Cover: 8/10
Writing: 8/10
Heroine: 8/10
Hero: 9/10
Humour: 1/10
Hotness: 1/10
Romance: 3/10
Extra book Details: Heroine POV; 1st person. Stand alone.

Firsts is well written high-school novel about Mercy, her sex life, her friends, her family, and the whole lot of trouble she gets herself in.

After a traumatic first-time, Mercy starts to sets up secret rendezvous' with her virginal high-school classmates with the aim to tutor them in how to give their girlfriends their best first time. With innocence and goodness in her heart, her meetings start to get out of control with the boys, as does the number of boys. Not all of them are telling the truth.

Firsts is a different kind of read for me, but a good one. There's no unrealistic cliché high-school drama or characters like you'd expect. It's almost coming-of-age.

Mercy is very imperfect, naïve and foolish. Her guilt is heavy, but her good-intentions and motivations override her decisions. She starts getting deeper and deeper into trouble. It might make you feel frustrated with her at times, and that's the reason I didn't bump it up to 5 stars.

I loved Zach, Angela & Faye, beautiful side characters. And Mercy, poor Mercy. Despite her failings, she's lovely.

Not a total romance, but a refreshing story-filled YA/NA crossover.

[Glire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Este es el YA que han estado esperando.

Diversidad ✔
Sex positive ✔
Anti slut shaming ✔
Book boyfriend sin una pizca de violencia en su cuerpo ✔
Amistades femeninas que valen la pena✔✔

[Nissa | Of Pens and Pages Book Blog · Rating 5 out of 5]

This review was originally posted on BC Tuesdays at Of Pens and Pages.

Based on the book cover, I had no idea what to expect other than the fact that it's a young adult. So, high school, love, conflict. Check, check, check.

Firsts is so much more than that though. It gives us a glimpse of flawed people and their life choices, and the ups and downs of high school. The book doesn't justify it; it gives it to us as it is. The book also shows the reality of the double standards in society. How slut-shaming is very much alive, and how it starts so early in people's mindsets.

At face value, no one would have expected Mercedes "Mercy" Ayres to be anything close to promiscuous. She is a diligent student, quiet, and is a member of a prayer group with her best friend. She doesn't even have a boyfriend. But to a select few, Mercedes sleeps with virgin boys who need the help they can get.

Let's face it, in this society, if you meet a girl who sleeps with different boys--boys who have girlfriends--you automatically judge them. Shame them. But what if you find out that she sleeps with those boys to help them get through their first time with their girlfriends? Not only does she give them the do's and don'ts of sex, she gives them tips on how to give their significant others' a most memorable night.

That's exactly who Mercedes is. A person like her would not be liked by most people, but Laurie Elizabeth Flynn managed to make Mercedes likable and relatable. Mercedes is smart and caring (in her own way; especially to Angela), but wounded. She craves the love of a mother and father, is burdened with a past no one wishes to have, and is more lost than she thinks she is.

This book tells us not to take everything at face value. We avoid people whose image screams "danger", and flock to people who look perfect. Sometimes, we find sincerity, genuine friendship and love from those we least expect or least consider.

"Some people are better liars than others."

In stories like this, side characters tend to get neglected and forgotten. I was so relieved to see that this book is not the case. We have Kim, Mercedes' mother who changes boyfriends as frequent as her Botox and Yoga sessions; Angela, Mercedes' conservative, virgin, Catholic best friend; Zach Sutton, Mercedes' chemistry partner and "Wednesday friend" who might just be a little in love with her; Faye, the new pretty girl at school who's more than meets the eye; and the various virgin boys. Flynn managed to give these characters the right amount of exposure.

My favorite character is Zach. He's such a sweetheart! Definitely one of my favorite book boyfriends. He's a funny guy, a generally a good person, plus he's a looker. The thing that made love Zach though was that he's a constant person in Mercy's life, even when she doesn't want him to be.

"You know you break my heart every Wednesday"

I know some people won't enjoy this, but this was one of the stories I didn't expect to love and didn't expect to learn anything from. One of my most unforgettable YA reads.

[Jessi · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was so problematic. First, I thought a book about a girl coaching guys through their first times would be a lot more sex positive. But instead we get Mercy slut-shaming herself for "giving herself" to so many guys. Ugh.

And then there were the problems with consent. I almost quit 3% in at this tidbit:

"What would you do if I was Melody?"
"I'd tell you you were beautiful," he says, "I'd ask if I could touch them."
"Right and wrong," I say. "You're always right to tell a girl she's beautiful. But never ask if you can do something. Be bold, because confidence is one thing you can absolutely fake until you actually feel it."

Yes, she's telling a guy to not bother with consent because girls don't like that. Seriously?? This is what we're marketing to teens in 2015? And then there's the scene where she's sexually assaulted but it's never treated that way. She invites a guy over for sex, changes her mind when he's a total creep and asks him to leave. And instead of leaving, he blackmails her into having sex with him. And instead of rape, it's just chalked up as a "bad experience."

In addition to all this, there's an attempt at a female friendship, except that Mercy feels the need to constantly lie to her best friend Angela. She pretends to be a Christian (going to Bible study with her) and a virgin. Friendship fail. A good friend doesn't need to lie about who she is.

[Cora Tea Party Princess · Rating 2 out of 5]

5 Words: Relationships, friends, sex, high-school, family.

I'm a bit torn about this one, there was a lot that I definitely did not like at all. But at the same time I found it difficult to put it down and it tackled some important and difficult issues. Then there were the times when it just plain sucked and made me so angry.

What I don't understand is why the police were at no point involved. Based on this book: America, your teachers suck. We had child abuse, exploitation, blackmail and underage sex tapes and it's implied that everyone knows, including the teachers. But not a single one called the police.

It made me so angry.

Anyway. The main character is a Poor Little Rich Girl and this immediately got my back up. But oh, she's so selfless sleeping with all of these virgins so that their girlfriend's have a nicer first time. Or so she kids herself, but it's pretty obvious right from the start that even she doesn't believe that crap.

And I'm not such a fan of PLRGs.

I couldn't really connect with her or her motives, although I did in part vaguely understand what she was doing and why. And it's not why she says.

I received a copy of this for free via NetGalley for review purposes.

[Drew · Rating 1 out of 5]

You know those books that have lots of potential but don't live up to your expectations? Well, this was one of them.

I was intrigued by the summary, which promised another high school-themed story with a unique twist, this time dealing with mature themes. I was hoping for a dark, intricate look into a teenage girl's screwed-up mind who was sorting through tough issues. I guess I was expecting something similar to the kind of nasty evilness Courtney Summers would cook up.

I expected wrong.

Mercy, the main character, is going through some hard times, but it frustrated me when the author only grazed on the subject of her pathetic excuse for a mother, who only cared about her next younger boyfriend or getting drunk on Friday night. Mercy's mom drilled into her daughter's mind that it's so important what boys think of her that she watches what her daughter eats, applauds her when she wears skimpy clothes, and denies her the freedom of eating carbs.

Her mom is such a bad parent and role model, but Mercy brushes it off as if it were nothing, as if her mother brainwashing her for years didn't traumatize her at all. So when a friend makes spaghetti for dinner, Mercy eats a whole plate of it just to spite her mom.

That's not the only thing, though—Mercy's had a rough history with boys, to say the least, so now she's in a terrible predicament involving quite a few boys from her school. But until the end of the book, I never even sensed any twinges of regret or flickers of a conscience from her. Mercy doesn't feel bad about any of the awful things she's done. I was hoping I would feel sympathetic toward her, even being the twisted, messed-up character that she is, but she just seriously annoyed me.

And then at the end Mercy (predictably) changes, turning from the mean girl in school everyone hates to a shining, innocent little angel who regrets everything she's done. Suddenly she's apologizing to everyone and repairing the relationships with her friends that she wrecked. Her sudden, unrealistic change in character just made me despise her even more.

My biggest annoyance wasn't even Mercy, though. It was that this book had such a unique idea and the author had to squander it by making the plot cheesy. It was so, so cheesy. When the evil teenaged creep who was hiding his dark side is suddenly out to get Mercy, it didn't make me scared for her, it just made me roll my eyes when he said lines like this:

“Bad kitty,” he says, licking the blood off his lip and winking at me.

There were only a couple good "redemption" messages at the end that barely made up for the total lack of morality throughout the rest of the book. But no matter how hard I tried, I still couldn't get past Mercy's inconsiderate, thoughtless, despicable way of thinking. She describes herself perfectly in this sentence:

“Why do you even like me?” I say. “I’m selfish and dishonest and all I do is push people away. I wouldn’t even want to be my friend.”

You're right, Mercy, I don't like you.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

* I received an arc in exchange for an honest review.

I certainly did not expect to like this book as much as I did. To say the plot made me uncomfortable would be an understatement. Cheating is a big no-no for me and so when I read the synopsis for this book, I was hesitant but certainly intrigued.

Mercedes slept with guys who were in relationships. She had good intentions but I still disliked the fact that she did it. Despite all of that though, I liked Mercedes. She was likeable and I could sympathise with her. She was pretty much the only fleshed out character though. The rest were one-dimensional stereotypes - the absent father, the mother who acts like a teenager, the goody-goody virgin best friend, the rebellious exciting beautiful friend and the too-good-to-be-true sweet boy toy (with rock hard abs included).

I really liked the writing. It was easy to read and it had a nice pace. Mercedes' inner monologue sounded like a teenage girl's inner monologue which is always good. I liked the romance too.

The only thing I really disliked about the book was the ending. Laurie Elizabeth Flynn just put a band-aid over all of Mercedes' problems and it really irks me when writers do that. I mean she even put one over Mercedes' relationship with her mother and I mean COME ON. Real life doesn't work like that. It was an overly-cheesy ending and although I'm glad it ended in a happy way, it just didn't end the right way.

I would recommend this story. Don't let the synopsis put you off, this book is really good and it is a fantastic debut novel. I would definitely read another book by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn in the future.

[Mary Books and Cookies · Rating 4 out of 5]

Edgy, daring book. These are the first words in my mind when trying to describe Firsts. Mercedes is a high school senior who is doing something extremely unconventional: she’s sleeping with male virgins, in the hopes that this will prepare them for when they have sex with their girlfriends, in order to give them the perfect “first time”, something that she didn’t experience for herself. But secrets like these never stay hidden for too long and Mercedes eventually finds herself caught in her own web of lies: lies that she tells her mother, her very religious best friend, Angela and Zach, the boy that she sleeps with and who wants more from their relationship.

I loved the idea of this book. I found it refreshing to see a book that deals with this subject matter. I found it refreshing that it cast a light on boys losing their virginities, because they’re always expected to know everything right off the bat. It deals with a topic that most of the time is treated like explosive material, because, let’s face it, that’s how most people react when it comes to sex, and especially when it comes to teenagers having sex, and this is something that we should change. It’s real, it happens and it happens in YA too. On the surface, it’s a book whose main female character sleeps with a lot of dudes, but it tackles so many other subjects: slut-shaming, sexual assault, body image, pregnancy, cheating, the pressure on girls to grow up fast and be sexy and daring.

Mercedes is a very real and human character. She has so many insecurities, despite the bravado that she puts, that stem from a traumatic experience when she was way too young to be dealt such a card. Sex is the only thing that gives her control, because she gets to choose the terms under which it’s happening. With an absentee father and a mother that hardly notices when something happens around that doesn’t involve her, Mercedes is pretty much free to do whatever she wants. Despite this, she’s a straight A student, with dreams of attending MIT. She’s a very private person though, very reluctant to open up and be vulnerable and trust. Rather than say what’s in her head and heart, she’s rather act aloof, lie and pretend that nothing can touch her or hurt her. I truly believe she wanted to help the boys that she sleeps with, or, more exactly and indirectly, their girlfriends, and it’s easy to be compassionate towards her because of this, especially when as a reader, you find out exactly what happened to her. The thing is that once everything comes to light, the blame immediately shifts on her and ONLY her. Which is something I fully believe would happen in real life as well. She’s the target of slurs, of mean words thrown in her face, written on her locker, not the boys who had just as much of a responsibility as she had. But their blame is all but forgotten. Double-standards, anyone?

I absolutely loved the secondary characters, especially Faye and Zach. The support they offer Mercy, when literally everyone and everything turns against her, was amazing to read. I just had such a warm, fuzzy feeling because of them. Faye is not afraid to speak her mind and she goes through thick and thin for her friend, no question asked and no conditions. Zach was a sweetheart, I really can’t describe it in any other way, I loved Angela’s dedication and conviction in her faith, despite getting a bit of a shaming feeling from Mercy towards her friend’s choices.

I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for a fresh YA contemporary, with a focus on something different and daring. It’s well executed, well written, compelling and real. In the beginning, though, I wasn’t very sure if I liked it or not. I wasn’t that fond of Mercedes and I just had this nagging feeling in my gut, but I wasn’t able to pinpoint exactly where it came from. I eventually overcame it around the half mark and ended up quite enjoying it, but it did drag the rating down a bit.

Favourite quote:

“Virginity is supposed to be something a girl gives up only when she is ready and feels comfortable, something a girl discusses at length with her friends and flip-flops over a million times in her mind before actually doing it. A guy is expected to be born ready. But what I realized after Tommy is that they’re not. They’re just as scared as their girlfriends, maybe even more so because the onus is on them to be gentle, make it last, make it memorable. And most of them haven’t a clue.”

★★★★

To everyone who got this far, thank you for reading and have a wonderful day! Also, feel free to share your thoughts, comment or tell me anything :)

[Michelle Andreani · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really, really, really enjoyed Mercedes's journey. After being let down by the people she trusted, seeing her grow despite of that (because of that?) was so satisfying and such a pleasure. Warning: You will want to hug her many, many times. Also, she's a science nerd! Chemistry, even! I loved that so very much.

My biggest compliment to this book is I'm still, days later, wrangling my thoughts about it! There is lots to dig into and talk about. It's a bold story, and one I'm glad people will be discussing.

PS: I would like to borrow Faye as my BFF, thanks. :)

[ambsreads · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Virginity is supposed to be something a girl gives up only when she is ready and feels comfortable, something a girl discusses at length with her friends and flip-flops over a million times in her mind before actually doing it. A guy is expected to be born ready.”

Firsts was a book in with pretty low expectations despite some of the glowing ratings. The concept seemed off to me since it was basically condoning cheating. I understand the want for wanting to give girls a great first time because my first time positively sucked. Though, I've always hated cheating more so that kind of trumps whatever understanding I previously thought of.

Our main character Mercedes is an...interesting character. She's complex in a way. Though she also made me uncomfortable in some parts and slightly confused. I don't slut shame. You do you at the end of the day boo. Though as Mercedes continued her little "agenda" - I couldn't think of another term for it - I found myself having the more urgent need for a shower. I guess I'm just not used to reading about a protagonist such as the one in this book, I mean I hear about my friends sexual adventures all the time but this felt different. Which made it an interesting experience to read this book.

We also have Zach, our primarily love interest. Maybe I'm just dumb because it took me a while to realise that he in fact would be playing the male lead in this novel. I did enjoy his character though, I found him sweet and my heart broke when he found out Mercedes had been sleeping with other people.

Faye was probably my favourite character in my book. She played a snarky and pretty relatable character who could have been a possible love interest. I just loved the dynamic she brought to the book and it kept me incredibly interested. I found myself laughing at her dialogue and just hoping she'd appear more.

Also, read this quote and tell me this doesn't sound like our protagonist is bisexual:
“I don’t know what I’m jealous of—the thought that she has that effect over Zach, the power that I thought only I had, or the thought that she wants him instead of me."

The book shocked me in ways as well. I didn't see many of things coming that did. I guessed a few plot points, but that's also because iBooks lets me search words and I take full advantage of that little feature when I'm curious. In ways it didn't feel like a typical Young Adult or New Adult book. It personally felt different to me and maybe that's why I enjoyed it.

A comparison I saw compared this book to Easy A. I would agree, except this book is definitely a tad bit more scandalous than the movie. I'm honestly lost on what to say about this book. It was an interesting read, though I can't even construct a list of things I liked and didn't like about it. I really enjoyed the ending of this book as well. I usually like my books tied together with a neat bow and an epilogue six years down the track but this left an open ending. Which also clarified life isn't easy. Life is messy and you don't know what will happen and I think that's awesome.

I also didn't enjoy some things about this book though. Quite a few. But my few major problems are: the sex tape. It just happens so suddenly. Why? I just have so many questions as to why the conclusion Faye and Zach arrived at was like sweet let's make a sex tape to get the attention off of Mercedes. My second problem was her dad randomly just turned up. Again, why? What did that hold to the plot apart from angst from the protagonist?

This book is a solid 3 stars for me personally. It might have been a four but I found Mercedes a tad bit annoying sometimes.