What do you think?
Rate this book
Bi Lives: Bisexual Women Tell Their Stories
A collection of 18 in-depth interviews with a wide range of bisexual women of different races, ages, and economic classes involved in a very wide variety of lifestyles.
251 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1999
9 people are currently reading
321 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
December 5, 2012
Bisexuality is more complex and intriguing than these stories, seemingly picked for their adherence to a specific narrative. The interview subjects all seemed to come from the same pool of the Bay Area. I kept waiting and thinking that I'd find something that varied from 'bi's are people too' and 'lesbian's can be mean' or 'bi women have it easier because they can fake social acceptability.'
Men also came across as second class for the most part, which was one of the more intriguing things about the book. I was also struck by the desperate need to define that seemed to permeate the book, especially since bi-sexuality seemed to be about avoiding static definitions.
Men also came across as second class for the most part, which was one of the more intriguing things about the book. I was also struck by the desperate need to define that seemed to permeate the book, especially since bi-sexuality seemed to be about avoiding static definitions.
October 1, 2015
Quite a bit outdated, for women that weren't a part of the radical love time frame, in which bisexual feminists were seen as "stealing the power of women, and giving to men" (as the last interviewee mentions:Hetero-men are easier to find than queer women). Now, it's seen more as bisexual women get all the benefits without the repercussions, which certainly isn't true.
One common theme is that women are "soft" and "complicated" and are more comfortable to be around and easier to talk to. Intimacy is easier to achieve with the sex that is encouraged to be emotional. Men are not, but masculinity is nice because it offers grounding, stability, and protection.
There was also a lot of conversation about "safer sex" - I've been monogamous for so long, that I just skimmed over this portion, though it offers important information: HIV can enter through broken skin, so to test for cuts, submerged your hand in lemon juice. If it stings, there's a cut. Also, the use of plastic wrap and gloves, though I can hardly imagine.
The women in the interviews also included conversation about their sexuality + disability or childhood abuse or being nonmonogamous and I appreciate that there's a lot of variety.
However, the book felt a little raw. This book is better seen as a kind of starting point, rather than a finished product. It's interesting, but unsatisfactory. As another reviewer mentioned, it still felt very limited as far as where the women were located and could've used more stories from women across the country or in the country. Many of the women were out or involved in group meets, but I specifically wanted to read this to find like-minded people that are not out and what it's like not to be out in the world. It's an interesting quick kind of read, but not super helpful. (Except for the list of resources in the back)
One common theme is that women are "soft" and "complicated" and are more comfortable to be around and easier to talk to. Intimacy is easier to achieve with the sex that is encouraged to be emotional. Men are not, but masculinity is nice because it offers grounding, stability, and protection.
There was also a lot of conversation about "safer sex" - I've been monogamous for so long, that I just skimmed over this portion, though it offers important information: HIV can enter through broken skin, so to test for cuts, submerged your hand in lemon juice. If it stings, there's a cut. Also, the use of plastic wrap and gloves, though I can hardly imagine.
The women in the interviews also included conversation about their sexuality + disability or childhood abuse or being nonmonogamous and I appreciate that there's a lot of variety.
However, the book felt a little raw. This book is better seen as a kind of starting point, rather than a finished product. It's interesting, but unsatisfactory. As another reviewer mentioned, it still felt very limited as far as where the women were located and could've used more stories from women across the country or in the country. Many of the women were out or involved in group meets, but I specifically wanted to read this to find like-minded people that are not out and what it's like not to be out in the world. It's an interesting quick kind of read, but not super helpful. (Except for the list of resources in the back)
August 1, 2014
Overall, I think this is a really interesting read. I haven't found too many books on Bisexuality, and even fewer specifically speaking about Bisexual women. There is a lot of discussion in the book about non-monogamy and polyamorous relationships that were very new to me, and although these types of relationships are not my cup of tea I didn't find the stories any less relatable. Good mixture of alternative and traditional bisexual relationships in the book.
October 20, 2009
Great mini-biographies of many bisexual women and their experiences. I learned quite a bit about what others have been through and what led them to make the decisions they have.
January 26, 2018
This book celebrates what choice looks like when free of the dictates that majorities place on minorities.
Though not exhausting, these interviews are a great reminder of how unique our sexuality is as humans, on the individual level. The broad terms we use can help us forget that, as we 'Other' those who are unlike ourselves. The interviewees often do this 'othering' as well. Those bisexuals, Those straight people, Those lesbian separatists ...Those those those .... If anything, these accounts remind us to quit stereotyping. People are individuals and at the individual level, don't belong in stereotypical boxes.
It illustrates the pains of erasure for bisexual people. As someone whose lived in a mostly straight world I can testify to how that erasure has shaped my thinking - and how this book has re-set that.
I would not complain about the stories having been collected in the nineties. This adds value:
1) we get a historical snapshot and can ask ourselves what has changed and what has not. These accounts definitely stimulated my interest in learning more about the early days of feminism
2) all those details on safe sex are still highly relevant today - despite the availability of anti-retrovirals, despite HIV being a chronic disease rather than a death sentence - because there's plenty of evidence that awareness and caution are no longer heightened, as a generation grows up distant from the horrors of the AIDS epidemic many of us were touched by in the 80's, 90's and early noughties.
Though not exhausting, these interviews are a great reminder of how unique our sexuality is as humans, on the individual level. The broad terms we use can help us forget that, as we 'Other' those who are unlike ourselves. The interviewees often do this 'othering' as well. Those bisexuals, Those straight people, Those lesbian separatists ...Those those those .... If anything, these accounts remind us to quit stereotyping. People are individuals and at the individual level, don't belong in stereotypical boxes.
It illustrates the pains of erasure for bisexual people. As someone whose lived in a mostly straight world I can testify to how that erasure has shaped my thinking - and how this book has re-set that.
I would not complain about the stories having been collected in the nineties. This adds value:
1) we get a historical snapshot and can ask ourselves what has changed and what has not. These accounts definitely stimulated my interest in learning more about the early days of feminism
2) all those details on safe sex are still highly relevant today - despite the availability of anti-retrovirals, despite HIV being a chronic disease rather than a death sentence - because there's plenty of evidence that awareness and caution are no longer heightened, as a generation grows up distant from the horrors of the AIDS epidemic many of us were touched by in the 80's, 90's and early noughties.
January 31, 2022
4.5 stars.
While I did find this focused too much on those in the San Francisco Bay area, the women were plenty varied in their lifestyles, ages, backgrounds, cultures, etc. The stories were plenty diverse in that regard, and many of them were intriguing or easy to sympathize/empathize with.
The one I greatly disliked was Judy Freespirit's contribution. While this woman was a beacon in the lesbian and feminist worlds, her treatment of her fellow bisexuals (and cowardice about her own bisexuality when around her lesbian separatist friends) was abhorrent. Neither her wrongs nor accomplishments negate each other, but I will say how she treated other bi women, incapable of dealing with her own internalized biphobia, has likely contributed to how bisexuals (bi women especially) are still treated by some of their lesbian counterparts.
Her aside, the rest of the book was fairly good, if not always interesting. Some of he interviewees certainly had a lot to say, and some of what they said felt like a whole lot of nothing--but others really spoke to me. I chalk it up to a subjective reading experience, for I'm sure the one I most connected with (Pamela's story, so eerily like my own at times, despite being a generation or two apart) won't necessarily mean much to someone else.
All in all a good read. I recommend it to other bisexuals, or to anyone who might want to understand how being bisexual impacts a person's perspective of themselves and the world around them.
While I did find this focused too much on those in the San Francisco Bay area, the women were plenty varied in their lifestyles, ages, backgrounds, cultures, etc. The stories were plenty diverse in that regard, and many of them were intriguing or easy to sympathize/empathize with.
The one I greatly disliked was Judy Freespirit's contribution. While this woman was a beacon in the lesbian and feminist worlds, her treatment of her fellow bisexuals (and cowardice about her own bisexuality when around her lesbian separatist friends) was abhorrent. Neither her wrongs nor accomplishments negate each other, but I will say how she treated other bi women, incapable of dealing with her own internalized biphobia, has likely contributed to how bisexuals (bi women especially) are still treated by some of their lesbian counterparts.
Her aside, the rest of the book was fairly good, if not always interesting. Some of he interviewees certainly had a lot to say, and some of what they said felt like a whole lot of nothing--but others really spoke to me. I chalk it up to a subjective reading experience, for I'm sure the one I most connected with (Pamela's story, so eerily like my own at times, despite being a generation or two apart) won't necessarily mean much to someone else.
All in all a good read. I recommend it to other bisexuals, or to anyone who might want to understand how being bisexual impacts a person's perspective of themselves and the world around them.
April 17, 2018
Super cool to see the same sentiments that bisexual women currently express are the same sorts of things bi women struggled with decades ago. I hope someone does an updated book interviewing bisexual women now because some of the interviewees make off-hand transphobic comments.
November 3, 2019
This book helped me when I was coming out in college in the early 2000s. It helps you feel less invisible, more pride, when you are able to read similar stories to your own.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews