When We Were Bad

by Charlotte Mendelson

Claudia Rubin is in her heyday. Wife, mother, rabbi and sometime moral voice of the nation, it is she whom everyone wants to be with at her older son's glorious February wedding. Until Leo becomes a bolter and the heyday of the Rubin family begins to unravel...His calm, married, more mature sister, Frances, tries to hold the centre together but the stresses, for Frances, force her to re-examine her own middle way and lead to a decision as shocking in its way as Leo's has been. Meanwhile, Claudia's husband Norman has, uncharacteristically, a secret to hide - a secret whose imminent unveiling he can do nothing about...A warm, poignant and true portrayal of a London family in crisis, in love, in denial and - ultimately - in luck.

Genres: Fiction, Jewish, Contemporary, Literary Fiction, Family, LGBT, British Literature

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Charlotte Mendelson (born 1972) is a British novelist and editor. Her maternal grandparents were, in her words, "Hungarian-speaking-Czech, Ruthenian for about 10 minutes, Carpathian mountain-y, impossible to describe", who left Prague in 1939.
When she was two, she moved with her parents and her baby sister to a house in a cobbled passage next to St John's College, Oxford, where her father taught public international law.

After the King's School, Canterbury,she studied Ancient and Modern History at the University of Oxford, even though she knows now, with great regret, that what would have suited her best was English literature at somewhere like Leeds.

She says she became a lesbian suddenly. "It was boyfriends up to 22 or 23. Not a whiff of lesbianism. Not even a thought. But I'm very all or nothing. It was all that, and now it's all this. There was about a 10-minute cross-over period of uncertainty, but it was really not that bad."

She has two children with the journalist and novelist Joanna Briscoe.

She won the John Llewellyn Rhys Prize in 2003 and the Somerset Maugham Award in 2004 for her second novel Daughters of Jerusalem. She was shortlisted for the Sunday Times 'Young Writer of the Year Award in 2003.She contributes regularly to the TLS, the Guardian, the Independent on Sunday and the Observer. She is an editor at the publishers Headline Review. She was placed 60th on the Independent on Sunday Pink List 2007

Reviews

[Baba · Rating 2 out of 5]

A progressive and well known Rabbi, Claudia Rubin is the matriarch of a large family of adult children, in-laws and grand- and step grand children, from the outside a near perfect family, but the shock cancellation of one of her son's wedding, starts a cascade that puts her family in crisis. OK read. 5 out of 12.

[Dennis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I approached this novel with some trepidation because comic novels are really dependent on individual senses of humor and moods going in; I am especially leery about comic novels about Jewish families because I’m afraid it will slip into some sort of broad Borscht-Belt slapstick routine instead of something more intelligent. So, I should start by saying that the book is humorous and universally melancholy because except for the fact that the story centers around a rabbi and her four children, it could be any family struggling with identity.

It begins when this renowned rabbi attends the wedding of the oldest son but things go wrong almost immediately as he decides to run off with the presiding rabbi’s wife, leaving his fiancée at the altar and everyone in total confusion and chaos. However, instead of descending into a wacky comedy, what enfolds is the development of four storylines within the family: the rabbi’s, her husband’s and those of the oldest daughter and son. (There are two younger children who play minor roles; I found them to be badly written and a distraction.) The rabbi is a minor celebrity and a scandal like this can be lived through but not so easily lived down; she also has a problem which she’s trying to keep secret. The husband is a published author of mostly forgettable biographies of minor personalities, but on the verge of a breakthrough; this threatens to overshadow his wife and he fears it could upset the balance of the marriage. The oldest son struggles between doing what’s expected of him and finding the courage to do what he wants. Finally, the oldest daughter is the second wife of an overbearing widowed congregation member, mother of a son with him and stepmother to his two daughters who make her life miserable; she’s as trapped as her sibling but weighed down by the obligations of her unwanted responsibilities which no one seems to recognize. (I liked her and her father best.) The storylines unfold in a satisfactory way and although it wasn’t the greatest book for me, it was good enough.

Reading the comments from other Good Readers, I noticed some complaints about language – as in a lot of Yiddish words without a glossary – which had strange tinge of anti-Semitism because I rarely see these complaints about other books with a lot of “foreign” words; however, I may be taking it wrong. In any case, my book had a glossary so if you are really bothered with specific meanings for words – I’m not sure that’s possible because words in any language can have “flavors” beyond meanings – you should look for a book which has one. I don’t think it’s necessary but if that kind of thing bothers you, you’ve been warned. If you just want to read something positive though, this is a good book for you.

[Patrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book deals with one of my favorite subject matters the issue of duty versus individual desire. Since I consider my value system to be heavily influenced by both I love books which places one value against the other. I actually really love this book because of the lessons of how one has to be an individual first before one can be responsible for others and equally important is letting go of control of others peoples lives and concentrate only on things that one can control.

I think one of Mendelson's insight through her storytelling is how our individual internal state of mind influences how we interpret others actions. So one cannot be truly interdependent with others without first being independent. I think this book is one of the best propaganda for living on one's own, be it via working or through college education far from family because one needs to be independent of familial sphere of influence and be independent before one comes back and becomes responsible for community and family. For example, Em gets mad at Leo for bringing Helen to the Seder because she herself gave up on her social life to please her mother so why can't her brother. It turns out France's rebellion is really just the rebellion against the forceful enforcement of Claudia's familial rule. France confusion of what she wants occurs because she never left the Claudial's familial dominion. Despite what she wants, she continuously caves in to Claudia's wishes. This is the perfect illustration of what afflicts kids who have never left home thus they cannot separate what they want from familial wants.

I do not know whether American's understand this book because only in immigrant or ethnically close families or people in developing countries where multi-generational homes are more prominent so that family has such an inescapable gravitational pull that the individual wish is an afterthought.

In the book Claudia represents the successful matriarch of the family who is a Rabbi with a successful and growing Shul. She expects all her children to follow their duty to her and her family in order for successful appearance to be upheld by her Shul and her society at large. Apparently, Claudia's drive to keep "the perfect family life" stems from her need to have her family as the stable foundation of her life. While I certainly empathize with her need to have faith and family as her foundation, I think at a certain point one has to let your family members choose for themselves how to live their lives especially once they become adults. Her grip on her family and their behavior astounds me. Her need for control is about to be tested with the advent of the AAA that might kill her. Even with her life on the line, her need to control her family and her Shul via executing her duties in it is foolishly admirable. Claudia is keeping a stoic attitude toward her illness and seems to want to will her disease away. She does not tell her family about her illness in order to keep a semblance of order and control in her life. Claudia is really a control freak that she does not acknowledge Norman personal success because of his betrayal of "writing" behind her back.

I love the ending how Claudia realizes it is fear of losing control that led to her folly of not seeking immediate medical help. Once she lets go of her fear and trust her hands in God she experiences happiness and thus is able to express her love for the first time in her life. Once Claudia lets go of her fear of control, she experiences peace with her children who want to be their own individual such as France and Leo.

It seems that in immigrant family's that duty and living in close proximity together is more important than individual desire or freedom.

But unfortunately, her children's individual desires are breaking through the cracks with Em and her Arab boyfriend, France and her unhappy marriage to the perfect in-law, and Leo's affair with Helen a fellow Rabbi's wife. France is stuck in a loveless marriage Jonathan without stimulating conversation and fabulous sex because it was a marriage of convenience.

Her husband wants his own success and it astounds me how Claudia assumes that her husband will always be the failure. Norman wants also his day in the sun thus drawing him closer to Selina. For Norman, Selina represents someone who acknowledges his specialness outside being a spouse of a famous person. Selina is also interested in what Norman likes. Selina draws Norman to her because he feels under-appreciated by Claudia and his family for his skill.

The main issue for France is that she is a worrier who yearns freedom from her mother's rule but does not know how to escape. France is trapped in an unhappy marriage and is not ready to be a mother yet as can be seen by her disdain her children and step-children. To France, Jay represents an out of her dreary existence into the unknown. Jay also represents a way for to rebel against the straight and narrow path that Claudia made for her. I love how Jay makes fun of liberal hypocrisy in accepting gay people in theory but not in practical sense.

I enjoy Mendelson's discussion of Leo daydreams of his experience with Helen. If only time stopped, they were the only two people on earth and they had no obligations to anyone but themselves. Leo and Helen would live in a perfect world.

The question is why Leo pursued an affair with Helen providing momentary scandal to the Rubin's life not to mention Helen's family's life if they were not planning on running away together. The answer to this puzzling question is Leo's overriding sense of duty to his family and its properness initially kept him from fully committing to Helen. For Leo, Claudia's decision and thus success is closely tied to his duties as "the responsible son".

But once he figured out that he was madly in love with her, his priorities changed. I love how Mendelson explains Leo's obsession with Helen because he is in love with her. I love how Mendleson describes Helen and Leo coupling as if they were fire yearning for oxygen. I like how Mendleson keeps us in suspense on what Leo will do whether he will stick to his duty to his mother, family, and community or will he give into his individual love for Helen. I like how Leo finally has the courage to bring Helen to his family Seder because he is in love with her. Leo needs to understand that Helen wants them to be their own couple before coming back to family as interdependent entities instead of dependent on the family for his life. In this way, Leo should follow France's lead in moving out and establishing himself outside familial life before coming back to the family.

He also realizes that Naomi is not right for him because he is not in love with her because Naomi is just a continuation of what his mother wants for him. Leo also realizes it is not just sex he is after after he turns down his co-worker to go to a prostitute to take his mind off things. I can understand Leo's frustration in his life that he sees is not going where he wanted it to go. For him, he is just lacking companionship.

I think it is interesting how the children who are the most flawed with Simeon's drug habits and womanizing and Em discarding partners as if they were old clothes tend to defend tradition and order whereas the children who are seen as the most responsible Leo and France are rebelling against authority figures. The lesson here is that everyone needs a dynamic equilibrium in which security at home is balance with an external dynamic life.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

The story of Claudia, a famous English rabbi and powerful matriarch, the husband living in her shadow, and their four children. Think The Corrections meets Philip Roth. Kind of.

Quite frankly, I wasn't expecting to like this book too much -- the only reason I picked it up was that it was sitting on my office bookshelf and I had forgotten to bring the other book I was reading. As I'm terrified of being caught on public transportation with nothing to read, I grabbed this, mostly because it looked more enticing than "New York Civil Practice Law and Rules," which was the one next to it. I figured it would be one of those weepy, self-indulgent pieces of work with lots of stuff about the frustrations and the beauty of family.

Well, in fairness, it did go on a lot about the frustrations and beauty of family. But it was also well-written without being over-written, with a strong narrative and characters who can be downright unpleasant -- a difficult type of character to write well, but Mendelson has the right touch most of the time. (She's a little less successful writing characters that she clearly doesn't like -- she succumbs too easily to making them into caricatures.) I thought that the ending came a bit close to being a cop-out in one or two respects, but Mendelson stopped just short of really taking the coward's way out. Still, I found it somewhat less than satisfying, somehow -- it just seemed to peter out.

A side note: I find it pretty interesting to read the other reviews of this book, as the overarching theme seems to be 1) I disliked these characters so I couldn't get through the book; and 2) I disliked this book because it used terms I didn't understand, such as "shul." The second comment speaks for itself, so you can draw what conclusions you will; let's just say I never heard similar complaints about, say, books by Rakesh Satyal, which also tend to use non-English words. The first complaint I think is telling because one of the characters is a woman who doesn't like being a mother -- a type of character that seems to drive people completely insane. You can also draw your own conclusions about that, but let's just say I think it says depressing things about how people view women and mothers (and no, those two classes need not always overlap).

[Kirsty Darbyshire · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this. A rambling kind of family saga in some ways, but the sort that cover a lot of family in a short space of time rather than sort that transcend generations. The central characters are the members of a London Jewish family - Claudia, successful mother, and Norman, unsucessful father, and their four grown up children (for various values of "grown up").

I found the characters all pretty believable, often they are "larger than life" in the way that real people really are. What I really liked was that the ending of the book didn't wrap everything up neatly (because frankly I wouldn't have believed that - there were characters here who weren't going to see the error of their ways) and that the author didn't make it clear who she thought was right and who was wrong. (My take would be that I loved Frances, liked Norman and could see where Leo was coming from; totally disliked Claudia and the two younger children were hideous.) I thought it was all going to end in either a big morality tale finish or a huge party where they all lived happily ever after. Neither happened I'm glad to say.

I'll certainly watch out for more by Mendelson.

[Teresatobin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read for book club, which has been canceled for snow! Book premise was interesting two “good” children of Rabbi mother rebel. Story told from their perspective and their parents the two younger siblings and various lovers and friends have no voice in the story. Frances is compelling her struggles with depression and independence, motherhood were all believable and real - the other characters less so. I don’t really like books that make villains with no/few redeeming qualities and the characters if Emily and Sim were like that - which took away from the overall book. In a side note this is the first physical book I’ve read in a while - been doing a lot of kindle and audio - where I can easily look up the definition of a word or character. This time I had to . . . gasp look up words in my own! So old fashion even if I was using google.

[Ash HC · Rating 3 out of 5]

The good first: I liked Mendelson's writing.
The less good: There were too many characters for such a short novel. I wanted to get more into the heads/inner lives of the characters and I didn't feel like there was enough time for that. I would have liked to explore Frances and her husband's relationship more, and her whole 'am I attracted to women or amI just bored?' quandary. It felt a little like this was the sequel to something and I had just totally missed out on the first book.
Also, it seemed like the majority of the family members were having affairs and that just got kind of boring after a while. Mix it up, please, not all problems stem from infidelity!

[Jill Meyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

British author Charlotte Mendelson gives us the Rubin family of Hampstead in her novel, "When We Were Bad". The family, super-star Rabbi Claudia Rubin - please picture buxom beauty Nigella Lawson wearing a tallis - and her author-husband Norman, have raised together four children, all of whom are still part of the family, even at the advanced ages of late 20’s and early 30’s. Claudia is the firmament around which the other family members move and to whom they owe their love, livelihoods, and most of all, allegiance. "Rabbi Claudia" is the most famous, "out-there", rabbi in London and is a popular author, speaker, and...rabbi to her congregation in Belsize Park.

Claudia Rubin could be called a narcissist, I suppose; totally without a sense of humor about her family and world. She expects everyone to do and everything to be to her liking. Her four children, Frances, married to a widower and the mother of a young son; Leo, about to marry in a huge wedding, deserts his bride at the altar and runs off with the officiating rabbi's wife; Simeon, a young druggy and lay-about who adores his mother; and Emily, a late 20's woman who also can't get her life together. Norman is an habitually failed biographer, happy to let wife Claudia be the star in the family. Rabbi Claudia would like to present her family to the world as "perfect", but the reality of the situation begins to erase the perception.

Charlotte Mendelson's novel is a comedy-of-manners, though, as I write this review, I'm making the characters and the plot sound, well, grim. The plot covers a four or five month period in the Rubin family's life, beginning with Leo deserting his bride and ending a few nights after the Passover seder-from-hell. During that time, the children and Norman "find" themselves, in word and deed, and Rabbi Claudia's life is never the same. But, it really shouldn't be, as the reader finds out.

This book is a tough one to rate. I found it 5 star delightful but others won't. I didn't mind putting up with Rabbi Claudia and her narcissism but then I like characters with an edge. If you're thinking of buying this book, please read all the other reviews. Most are valid, I think. Then choose.

[Emi Yoshida · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although I grew to like the book some by the end, it was tough for me to stick with. Usually I love stories set in London, and I like a wacky Jewish family as much as the next guy but somehow each member of this one was so entirely out-of-control it made me feel anxious. And I didn't like picturing their house, it made me feel grubby. So overall this story kind of made me queasy and sad.

[Jane Murphy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Is it fair for me to rate a book I didn’t finish? I really wanted to like this one, but it didn’t resonate with me at all. Maybe the English jewish experience is wildly different from the American one. But whatever it was, while the characters were likable enough, I couldn’t figure out how they interacted with one another and I gave up.

[Debbie Byass · Rating 2 out of 5]

Decided after this that I just don’t like Charlotte Mendelson. I don’t like her characters or her internal voice. Won’t be reading any more of hers. Better than Wife which I hated, but still something I endured rather than liked.

[Bonnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh my. Charlotte Mendelson, you sly one, you. Who knew that the erstwhile Booker nominee had written a novel that would totally consume me in the reckless manner that it did? The fact that I could barely stand to set it down for a minute only added to the overall satisfaction of a tightly written narrative, filled with witty observations and characters that you come to care about even though they have few redeeming characteristics.

Claudia Rubin is at the height of her powers: wife, mother, rabbi and moral authority for all, she is holding forth at the wedding of her oldest son, Leo, when the unthinkable happens. He bolts and runs off with none other than the wife of a fellow rabbi. Oi, the embarrassment! But that’s just the start as her family begins to unravel and Mendelson is there to report every misstep and unpeel the layers, one by one. Never has a mother’s suffocating hold on her family been more deservedly challenged. She is so consumed by this incident that she fails to notice that her oldest daughter, Frances, is in the throes of post-natal depression. Youngest son Simeon is in a drug fueled haze and daughter Emily brings an unusual young man home (or is it a woman?). Meanwhile, patriarch Norman has been working, secretly, on a bombshell book that will bring him much more notoriety than anything his much more famous wife has published.

Claudia takes everything in stride and Mendelson describes her philosophy with an astonishing eye for detail:

”Claudia, running her fingertips over the plaster, thinks of skiing. A terrible sport: the ice, the pain, the slicing metal. It has, however, one thing in its favour. It demonstrates perfectly how best to lead one’s life. Simply the image of herself speeding over metaphorical moguls while other people, more earnest and dangly earringed, plough through the snowdrifts, emoting, discussing, sharing, has always cheered her.” (Page 216)

This is a wonderful literary comedy that will remind you of the ramshackle lives of people you know and will make you laugh out loud. Very highly recommended.

[Sue Smith · Rating 2 out of 5]

Somehow I think if I was of Jewish descent I would have gotten this book better .....I just felt like i was out of the loop on some of the antics of what was going on - or they would have made more sense as to the intensity they were given.

I did get the family dynamics though - that pretty much translates across the board - in all races and religions. Let's put 'FUN' back in dysFUNctional!!!! Although they did seem alittle more screwed up than most..... or maybe just in relation to my particular family antics. I found them all a little too needy with a mother that needed a damn good slap. (Sorry). I do understand a mother making dramatics to get their way - don't agree with it - but do understand it. You see or hear about it all the time! I just felt sorry for the siblings that wanted to live a life that wasn't entirely hooped up with the past and wouldn't let them grow up and go forward. Traditions are fine, but they need to change and evolve with a families growth.

This really is a good book to read quickly. I think I would have put it down if I hadn't just kept at it. I found that I didn't connect with the characters very well and it would have been easy to just abandon it - if I was picking it up without the intent to get through it (thank goodness for book clubs!!).

[Veronica Zundel · Rating 2 out of 5]

On paper (which it is) this novel should have been the ideal read for me: the story of the collapsing family of a famous woman rabbi living in Hampstead. Unfortunately, and with apologies to the kind lady who gave me my copy, it was one of those books I couldn't pick up again when I'd put them down. The characters are mostly sketchy, the plot is non-existent (not that this would normally bother me but without decent characters you at least want a good plot) and it took me until two thirds of the way through to get even a little bit emotionally involved. I will remember the chaotic Seder (Passover meal) scene at the end, but nothing else about this damp squib.

[Patricia · Rating 3 out of 5]

OK. I found out about this book on AfterEllen.com. It was of interest to me because the author, Charlotte Mendelsohn is a publishing editor at a London-based publishing house.

I enjoyed the book, it was entertaining. What I liked most was the subject of the importance of pursuing our own happiness by putting our needs first rather than leading lives we think our father/mother/siblings want or we think want us to have.

[Penny · Rating 1 out of 5]

OK, I can see if I have to struggle with a political science book for a degree credit, but this? 3 chapters in and I still have no idea who the players are or what's going on. Give me a break!

[Martinxo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hugely enjoyable account of the trials and tribulations of Jewish family based in Camden, north London. Well written, thoughtful, funny and sad. Good stuff.

[Bonnie Brody · Rating 5 out of 5]

Claudia Rubin is a super-star - an influential Rabbi, author, matriarch, and a leader of London's Jewish intelligentsia. She carries herself with aplomb and, as far as the world knows, her life and family are just as put together as she appears to be. This, however, is very far from the truth.

At home, she rules by guilt, shaming, and favoritism. Her husband, Norman, quietly sits in her shadow but he has a secret. He has written a book about a famous poet that he feels is destines to be a hit. Unfortunately, it is scheduled for publication at the same time as Claudia's book. He does everything in his power to prevent Claudia from finding out about his book though, in secret, he hopes it is a bestseller.

The Rubins have four grown children, three girls and a boy. The oldest, Frances, is a wreck. She has married a widower with two girls and they have a male infant of their own. Frances can't get her head around motherhood or intimacy. She struggles to find her north star and, as she struggles, she starts to unravel.

Leo, the second oldest, has just brought great shame to his family. At his wedding, he skips from the alter and runs off with the rabbi's wife. Always 'the good boy', he is a wreck. Can he put his own needs for love and autonomy before his mother's expectations?

Emily is confused about her sexuality, among other things. She is living with a woman who appears to be unfettered and free. Emily isn't sure what she thinks about this, especially when Frances comes between the two of them.

Simeon, the youngest, is a druggy and a slob. He lives at home and there are no real expectations of him. His voice is like a Greek Chorus cheering for Claudia. Most of the time he is stoned and does not work or go to school.

Claudia rules her home with a velvet brick. She feels like everything she's worked for in order to have her family viewed as 'perfect' is unwinding like a ball of yarn. She is concerned about how her book will be received and is very Machiavellian as she tries to gather influential supporters from different walks of life. She feels betrayed by Leo, misunderstood by Norman, and treats Frances like a maid. The only one who gets a free pass is Simeon. God only know why.

Meanwhile, almost like a metaphor, their home is falling apart. It is not kept up and there is mold, it is in need of painting, and upkeep has been put on the back burner because of lack of money. Claudia hopes her book will make them financially solvent again and put her back in the public eye as an 'influencer'.

This book is a wry look at a family that is like a house of cards. One wrong breath or breeze, and it will all come tumbling down.

[Ali · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book got me back into reading after about 5 years of not doing so. Fair to say it was pretty good. The book is based around a Jewish family living in London called the Rubin family. The mother, Claudia, is a well known rabbi who's always wanting to keep appearances up yet struggling to do so. I won't give too much away, but there's drama, infidelity and some moments that leave you going 'what?!'. Although a lot of the book always circles back to Claudia, I feel as though her son Leo and daughter Frances are also main characters. Alongside her husband Norman whom is probably one of my least favourite characters. Frances seems to struggle/have struggled with OCD and not loving the perfect family married life. Leos struggle is with love, which is shown very early on in the book. I think Frances may be my favourite character and also the best written in my opinion. She's quite complex at times but I think she was left off on a good note. Claudia has two other children but I wouldn't say the spotlights really on them. As far as endings go, I think it was quite good, although I highly doubt there will be a sequel to this book, not only because this was released in 2007, but also because the ending didn't leave much room for one. Which I think is a good thing. There doesn't need to be another book. Although you are left with some questions, it's not enough to require answering. You get to imagine where everyones lives are at now and I enjoy that. My only criticism is that in certain points it could feel like it was dragging on. But I think that happens with most books. There's a lot of jewish terms that I didn't understand (I'm not Jewish) but there's a glossary in the back which is great. All in all, I definitely think it's a good read. Although it took me a while, for someone that reads frequently I think you could get through it quite quickly. Definitely give it a go!

[Anne Tucker · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book - it was quite funny in places, even though it is about a family falling apart as the matriarch loses her influence over everyone. Some of the characters were very well drawn (Claudia, the Mum, Leo (the oldest sone) and frances (oldest daughter) - especially Frances., I sympathised so much with her (though I probasbly wpould have loathed her a few years earlier!).

The family is a reasonably well off N London Jewish one, from Belsize Park. Claudia is a rabbi of a pretty liberal synagogue; her husband is a critic and poet (less clear how he lives apart from his impending book on a critic, about whom he has found something unknown and extraordinary). They live with 3 orf their 4 adult ci;dren in a fairly tatty but valuable house in Hampstead.
The book starts with an image of the perfect happy family at the perfect wedding of their oldest son ... which goes disastrously wrong. From then on, the book is an excruciating study in how to hide the scandal and keep up appearances. Dysfunctional springs to mind about all the children - the only thing that uniotes them is their fear of antagonising their mother, which has served to sdubdue their own needs throughout their lives. I dopnt know if the book is meant to be a common portrait of N London Jewish mores, or whether it just is a story with these characters that just happens to take place like this.
It was intriguing and gripping in places, funny and tortuous in others.

[Michele Attias · Rating 2 out of 5]

I purchased this book due to it being chosen by my local bookclub, so it is really not a book I would ever have picked up at a bookshop.
I had high hopes after reading the first chapter which was about the Rubin family and their son Leo jilting his fiance Naomi on their wedding day. And had the author focused on this as a central plot there would’ve been some hope. But instead, we had a catalogue of issues from each of the family members and their friends a huge amount of characters, none of which were particularly likeable.
Most of it centres around Claudia Rubin who is a reform rabbi and the rest of her dysfunctional family.
I pushed through each chapter so that I would be able to contribute something to my bookclub, but frankly, I couldn’t wait to get to the end.
The author attempts to be funny using some of the Jewish stereotypical characters and behaviours, but I didn’t find any of it amusing, certainly there was nothing unique and it lacked depth.
I felt that the overall issue here was the lack of a good editor who could’ve really streamlined the novel, making it shorter, more succinct and focusing on one particular aspect of the plot.
By the end of the book, I honestly could not care what happened to each of the characters in the family. They all seemed obnoxious but in no point did that author attempt to bring some understanding to their behaviours and dysfunctional relationships, so that we could at least root for them in some way.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book! Each of the characters was so well-depicted that it felt they were leaping from the page as I got to know them, each one vying to make their voice heard above the clamour of the others'! The fact that each and every one was flawed mattered not a jot because they were, without exception, deliciously entertaining, especially during those moments (which were frequent) when their behaviour made me either laugh out loud, wince or want to cry for them!
With such immediately recognisable characters, acute observations of family relationships, social interactions and the mundanities of everyday living, the author's writing reminded me in many ways of that of Barbara Pym, one of my favourite authors. Both authors have such a command over their use of language that it feels there is never a wasted word.
This book has been sitting on one of my bookshelves for some time (had I known it was this good it wouldn't have stayed there for so long!) and is the first of this author's novels I've read - I'm now determined to catch up on her backlist!

[Christina Rochester · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm finding it really hard to review this one. I feel like there's a lot to say, but I can't quite find the words.

When We Were Bad focuses on the Rubin family, who to everyone outside the family, appears perfect. However our four main characters; Claudia, Leo, Frances and Norman are each hiding their own secrets and trying to break free from the ties that bind them.

Unfortunately I really struggled with the book, despite enjoying it immensely as I found it extremely hard to warm to any of the characters especially Claudia. I didn't particularly care what happened to her by the end of the book; whereas I at least felt that I understood where Frances was coming from. I didn't particularly like her, but I could relate to her. The two younger Rubin siblings, Emily and Simeon, just felt like plot devices to me. Even Em's big storyline was just a supporting structure for Frances' one.

That said I do recommend this book if you can get past the characters.

[Michelle Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't give this book only two stars because the the writing but I did because of the characters. Every single character was horrible. This story takes place in the home of a Jewish family but it could have been in the home of any number of groups. Anyone could fall into this family of old school ideals where children never really "launch" but are expected to live within the walls of the family throughout their lives.

[Catrin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't find the book funny, as I found the narcissistic behaviour of the mother rather sad, with the two younger siblings and Jonathan being very irritating. Where as Leo, Norman and Francis seemed more genuine people. I was so glad Francis found an escape. However the writing drew me in enough to read the whole novel. I was half way through when I realised there was a glossary at the back of the book. !

[Esther · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mendelson's writing, as always, is good but I found this tried to cover too much. Too many family members and strands of plot, any one of which could have been explored more fully over a single novel. The short sections (not even a chapter) devoted to a particular family member and then switch to the next, meant it felt bitty - stop/start on narratives and some characters we never got to find out enough about to make some of their actions resonate.

[Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've read three books by this author, and probably won't bother with any others. All three were, basically, the same story, just set in different locations. All follow a pattern - the monstrous, narcissistic main character who bullies and dominates a range of gutless enablers who stammer and stutter their way through the pages, and are incapable of finishing a sentence (to a degree that is profoundly irritating). I've never encountered a cast of characters that are so uniformly unlikeable.

[A J HOOPER · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fabulous first novel that gets the Jewishness of North London exactly right. Claudia Rodin is the rabbi and mother who is high achieving. Sadly none of her close family realise that she is dying. One of her children is more highly described compared with the others and this is the one who I suspect more highly resembles the author. Mendelssohn's's other books are about defecting from Judaism and about lesbianism. Funny and accurate.

[Lorraine Shorter · Rating 3 out of 5]

The premise of this book was quite promising, but over halfway through and it was going nowhere fast. The characters I cared about were treated appallingly, and those I disliked out upon a pedestal - which as a reader became quite frustrating. It was entertaining for a while but soon became tedious, so has been put aside in favour of more gripping, engaging reads.

[Helen Hanschell Pollock · Rating 3 out of 5]

The kind of book that you can read quickly but not being familiar with the yiddish expressions/words, I had to keep turning to the back for the glossary. OK but not great and a sad take on Jewish family life with all the children more than tied to their Rabbi mother's apron strings. Funny but not really funny, not angry which I felt the writer should have been.