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Surviving Ophelia: Mothers Share Their Wisdom in Navigating the Tumultuous Teenage Years
Why are the teen years fraught with crisis for so many girls? Why do so many mother-daughter relationships deteriorate drastically at this time? When her own teenage daughter began to spiral out of control, therapist Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D., launched a nationwide search to find answers— and hope. In this inspiring, compassionate book, Dellasega shares the strength and the wisdom of mothers who have seen their daughters through the tumult of adolescence.
Drawing on the experiences of scores of mothers and daughters, Dellasega takes a hard look at the lives of girls in crisis—once happy, carefree children who are now struggling with eating disorders, unplanned pregnancies, substance abuse, and severe mental problems. These are stories of girls on the edge, and mothers who are trying everything to save them. Yet even in the most desperate situations, Dellasega hears the same clear the key to survival is the support and the understanding of others going through the same thing.
Surviving Ophelia is a book that provides the community that mothers of troubled teenage girls need more than anything. Powerful and heartfelt, this book captures both the pain and the strength of mothers who are living with the daily challenge of raising teenage daughters today.
Drawing on the experiences of scores of mothers and daughters, Dellasega takes a hard look at the lives of girls in crisis—once happy, carefree children who are now struggling with eating disorders, unplanned pregnancies, substance abuse, and severe mental problems. These are stories of girls on the edge, and mothers who are trying everything to save them. Yet even in the most desperate situations, Dellasega hears the same clear the key to survival is the support and the understanding of others going through the same thing.
Surviving Ophelia is a book that provides the community that mothers of troubled teenage girls need more than anything. Powerful and heartfelt, this book captures both the pain and the strength of mothers who are living with the daily challenge of raising teenage daughters today.
272 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 2001
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151 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
May 15, 2017
Ugh! Ableist garbage. To be fair, most material aimed at parents, especially parents of teenagers is pandering bigoted trash. That's how you sell books, coddling parents and dehumanizing their children. No thanks.
Anyone with an eating disorder or mental illness, or any disability, should steer clear of this book.
I need a shower.
Anyone with an eating disorder or mental illness, or any disability, should steer clear of this book.
I need a shower.
August 5, 2014
Look for my story included in this book, Daddy Died, Leaving a Wife and Daughter. The book is filled with mother- daughter relationships and the many challenges both sides face. The mother-daughter relationship is said to be the most complicated of all relationships, it can offer the greatest rewards and the most complex challenges. The book is wonderful and truth filled and Cheryl should be applauded for writing it. Highly recommend it.
May 24, 2013
Horrible book. I can 100% tell you that the stories in this book are not properly checked for accuracy and in the case of one of the contributors a one-sided account by a self-indulgent narcissist. I am sure there are
mothers out there who struggle with the problems their teenage daughters are
facing, and the complexities of the dynamics of that relationship but the lack of responsibility and inability to see past themselves in many of these stories is disheartening. Reviving Ophelia is a much better read for insight.
mothers out there who struggle with the problems their teenage daughters are
facing, and the complexities of the dynamics of that relationship but the lack of responsibility and inability to see past themselves in many of these stories is disheartening. Reviving Ophelia is a much better read for insight.
March 23, 2019
I had such mixed feelings about this book. I liked some of the stories in it that were from other mothers of daughters with Eating Disorders, but I "disliked" the author's voice and totally rooted for "Ophelia." In other words, I had ZERO sympathy for the author who seemed entiredly self-serving.
But it is good--it was part of my journey in overcoming ED thinking years after I overcame the ED itself.
But it is good--it was part of my journey in overcoming ED thinking years after I overcame the ED itself.
December 28, 2020
So when I was a angsty teen in the early 2000s, there was a book that I LOVED called Ophelia Speaks. In the text, a girl (relatively the same age as I was at the time) put together all sorts of submissions about growing up female. I resonated SO HARD with the heartfelt essays that girls from all over the country submitted to her about body image, romantic relationships and issues with their parents. Fast forward to this fall when I went to a used book sale and saw a copy of this book published around the same time as Ophelia Speaks but directed towards my current age bracket (although written around the same time). Unfortunately this version of Ophelia did not age as well. The author uses the story of her wayward daughter who is struggling with anorexia and mental illness to counsel other mothers who are experiencing similar breakdowns with their own children. Although I felt for these mothers (and my own parenting is far from perfect) a lot of the submissions she chose to include I couldn't help but feel some parent-shaming. Many of the mothers spoke about their own issues or romantic entanglements that had shaped their daughters' issues and I feel like contemporary feminism has also evolved so it made me want to shake my fist and how they were planning on dealing with their problems. Altogether it was an interesting read and I definitely felt nostalgia on the part of these daughters. Probably not a keeper....
February 19, 2025
Makes me grateful for my children ❤️
It is very outdated, but some issues stand the test of time.
It is very outdated, but some issues stand the test of time.
March 10, 2017
Lots of information, no real answers. So now what?
July 23, 2012
"Surviving Ophelia" caught my eye because I was interested in hearing about the struggles adolescent girls go through from their mothers' perspectives. As someone who has been involved in Gender and Women's Studies for a number of years now, I have read many personal testimonies from women who struggled with body image, eating disorders, relationships and more throughout their teenage years. But, especially thinking back to my own experiences, I became curious about how young women's mothers struggle to help their daughters, and understand why they made the decisions that they did.
That said, this book definitely provided several personal testimonies of women who described their teenage daughters' struggles, along with their anxieties of trying to understand their problems and find the best solutions. The issues covered ranged from body image to substance abuse to running away from home. What I really appreciated from this book was being able to realize that mothers struggle along with their daughters, and are often constantly filled with worry looking for a way to help them. Thinking back to my own teenage years, sometimes we don't realize how much people around us care and are trying to help, so it was nice to really a mother's personal thoughts on whatever issues her daughter may be dealing with. What I also really appreciated was hearing what it was exactly that mothers saw as their daughters' strengths and what they admired in their daughters. I think it's hard to really know what our mothers (or any parent for that matter) think of us, and this book provided a nice glimpse into that.
However, thinking back to what I wanted to get out of this, I felt that after reading several stories I had already gotten what I wanted to out of it, so there seemed to be little variation for me. Many of the situations described were of course quite different, but I think this book is probably more useful for (and was perhaps written with the intent of) mothers who need advice on navigating the teenage years, with very specific issues. If one has this in mind when reading this book, I think it would seem less redundant than it did to me.
But overall I really enjoyed this book! I think because I was reading it with a different intent than what it was originally published for, I looked at it a bit differently and felt like I had gotten enough out of it after I was 2/3 done or so. But I really valued the insight it provides in describing how mothers deal with their daughters' teenage years, and understanding that they too struggle along with their daughters.
That said, this book definitely provided several personal testimonies of women who described their teenage daughters' struggles, along with their anxieties of trying to understand their problems and find the best solutions. The issues covered ranged from body image to substance abuse to running away from home. What I really appreciated from this book was being able to realize that mothers struggle along with their daughters, and are often constantly filled with worry looking for a way to help them. Thinking back to my own teenage years, sometimes we don't realize how much people around us care and are trying to help, so it was nice to really a mother's personal thoughts on whatever issues her daughter may be dealing with. What I also really appreciated was hearing what it was exactly that mothers saw as their daughters' strengths and what they admired in their daughters. I think it's hard to really know what our mothers (or any parent for that matter) think of us, and this book provided a nice glimpse into that.
However, thinking back to what I wanted to get out of this, I felt that after reading several stories I had already gotten what I wanted to out of it, so there seemed to be little variation for me. Many of the situations described were of course quite different, but I think this book is probably more useful for (and was perhaps written with the intent of) mothers who need advice on navigating the teenage years, with very specific issues. If one has this in mind when reading this book, I think it would seem less redundant than it did to me.
But overall I really enjoyed this book! I think because I was reading it with a different intent than what it was originally published for, I looked at it a bit differently and felt like I had gotten enough out of it after I was 2/3 done or so. But I really valued the insight it provides in describing how mothers deal with their daughters' teenage years, and understanding that they too struggle along with their daughters.
May 23, 2011
There is nothing in this book that is helpful. It is story after story of teenage girls in extreme distress. And in story after story, the mothers are bewildered: they have no idea how their daughters got in their extreme circumstances or how to get them out. So there's no advice for how to get extreme teen girls help. Except for one mom, who said she was so desperate she sent her daughter to Utah on a month-long survive-in-the-wilderness camp. Another mom was single and worked full-time and went to school at night and had no time for her five children. When this single mom married a man her teen daughter hated, the teen daughter started acting out wildly. Yet the mom insisted that she was a victim of her own daughter and had no idea why the daughter was acting out. Seriously?!?
Try Queen Bees and Wannabees, Odd Girl Out, or Girlwise for something useful.Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence, Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control
Try Queen Bees and Wannabees, Odd Girl Out, or Girlwise for something useful.Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence, Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control
January 19, 2011
If you have an adolescent daughter in crisis, you should read this book for understanding and support.
If you have a daughter who is not yet a teenager and read this book, it will scare the daylights out of you.
There isn't really anything about prevention, in fact, it seems that despite many parents' best efforts their daughters still struggled through adolescence. Which girls end up in crisis and which don't, it can be random. I guess my take on it is: if there isn't anything you can do to prevent it, then don't spend energy worrying about it years beforehand.
If you have a daughter who is not yet a teenager and read this book, it will scare the daylights out of you.
There isn't really anything about prevention, in fact, it seems that despite many parents' best efforts their daughters still struggled through adolescence. Which girls end up in crisis and which don't, it can be random. I guess my take on it is: if there isn't anything you can do to prevent it, then don't spend energy worrying about it years beforehand.
March 30, 2012
This book was not as insightful as i hoped it would be. It was a bunch of stories about how the teen girls was goin down hill. I only found one mother in the entire book that had a clue, that ultimately it is there life to make something of it or screw it up and some kids have to fall on their face before they get it. I have a tumultuous preteen and the best recommendation i seen in the book was the wilderness camps but no one tells u it will cost over 20 grand to send them!!!!! it only got a 2 star because of all the resources she gives at the back of the book otherwise its a 1 star.
March 29, 2011
Finishing this book was a little like taking a dose of cod-liver oil. I know it is important, but it was so difficult. My heart tightened and my stomach lurched as mothers recounted stories of their daughters careening off into an untouchable place where they no longer responded to the love and affection offered by their families. I hope I never need any of the options suggested here, but should things start to go off a cliff, I'll start by paging through these stories looking for ideas.
April 22, 2013
I read this book younger as a teenager who acted out against my mother trying to find maybe a clue to why I was acting this way or why things were turning out to be so horrible between us all the time. And while the book is interesting, because it is a compilation of mothers stories, it is also not what I was hoping this book. However, by chance I do own this book and my need it in the future as now I am a mother.
May 16, 2012
While an interesting read at first and my heart goes out to all parents whose teenagers experience mental health difficulties, the testimonials of mothers began to feel redundant half-way through the book and it was missing the voice of the teenagers themselves. I didn't end up finishing the entire book.
November 9, 2008
I give this to some of my parents - they then breathe a sigh of relief that what they are facing with their adolescent girl, though emotionally wrenching, could be so much worse. A compendium of "worse case scenarios" of adolescent angst.
November 21, 2009
As the mother of an Autistic daughter in the beginning stages of puberty, this book gives me hope that I will be able to weather the teen years with her, that my fears of how she will come through those years knowing she is different, are perfectly normal.
November 16, 2013
This is a very sad but very true stories. The stories that the mothers write to the author are heartbreaking.
I personally have raised one teenage daughter and my youngest daughter just turned twelve. I can very much relate to these stories.
I personally have raised one teenage daughter and my youngest daughter just turned twelve. I can very much relate to these stories.
March 23, 2016
Sad, scary.
Where and when did our daughters turn this way?
Why is society encouraging their pusillanimity?
Brave mothers, some successful, some not, trying to rescue their children from being drowned by bad choices.
Where and when did our daughters turn this way?
Why is society encouraging their pusillanimity?
Brave mothers, some successful, some not, trying to rescue their children from being drowned by bad choices.
July 4, 2011
Not as striking as "Reviving Ophelia," of course, but I enjoyed it.
January 23, 2008
an interesting change in perspective
February 18, 2009
A fabulous book for educators! Especially those who work with teenage girls or have a teenage daughter...
Currently reading
February 28, 2009Helped me get thru day to day, when I didn't know what else to do or say to her
July 26, 2009
recommend for all moms of teen aged girls
September 2, 2009
Great book. Every mom should read this book if they have a girl. If I have a girl, I am reading it again and then crying about the long road I have ahead of me... 20 years isn't that long is it??
June 11, 2010
I was hoping for more helpful information. It was really just a book of collections of mothers venting.
October 4, 2010
Interesting read, but left me feeling so, so sad.
August 10, 2011
For any parent/individual who deals with a teenage girl(s).
May 9, 2012
This is a "read here and there" book.
Very helpful, but luckily most of the experiences in this book are beyond ours at this time.
Thanks anyway, Mama.
Very helpful, but luckily most of the experiences in this book are beyond ours at this time.
Thanks anyway, Mama.
July 2, 2016
I was duped. I meant to request Reviving Ophelia. This book would be okay, but a little boring. I've read 2/3 of book and may skip the rest.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews