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It's Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak into Happily Never After
Discover the New York Times bestselling book that Bachelor fans—and even Bachelor stars—can’t stop talking about! Beloved fan favorite Andi Dorfman tells the unvarnished truth about her engagement, her public breakup, and why looking for love on television is no paradise.Millions of people tuned in to see Bachelorette star Andi Dorfman get engaged to her chosen suitor. But when the cameras turned off and the dust (or rose petals) had settled, Andi realized she was engaged to a man she’d known for barely two months. And as they endeavored to return to normal life, they discovered that happily ever after wasn’t as easy as it looked. In her own words, Andi delivers “plenty of surprise (and some disturbing) details” (Cosmopolitan) as she tells the whole truth about her entry into the exclusive Bachelor family, her experience on the show, and finally, what happened to make it all fall apart. But this is much more than the diary of a very public breakup—Andi divulges her story along with some no-nonsense, straight-talking advice to other women dealing with their own romantic issues. In It’s Not Okay, Andi is the best friend we all wish we had, telling us the good, the bad, and the ugly to inspire us to always be true to ourselves and remember breakups may be hard, but it’s always going to be okay.
322 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 10, 2016
353 people are currently reading
4758 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 903 reviews
May 27, 2016
I'm a big fan of the bachelor/bachelorette, so was excited to read this book. I'd give it 0 stars, but anyone who can finish writing a book deserves at least one star, right?
This is what I've learned from and about Andi Dorfman while reading her attempt at a self-help guide/checklist in book format:
1) She likes alcohol. No, she LOVES alcohol. Her drink of choice is red wine, but she's made it clear that she's all about anything that's been fermented. Here's a few quotes to demonstrate:
"The only thing that makes me feel better is being asleep or buzzed"
"The bed is my boyfriend, Mr. Cabernet is my best friend"
"Lesson learned, stay away from the self-help, but don't stay away from the red wine"
2) It is completely acceptable to dehumanize your ex-boyfriends/fiancé/any male who has made the unfortunate decision to entwine with you temporarily by taking away their names. Nothing says "I have zero respect for you" like replacing someone's name with a Number. (Poor Poor #26)
3) If you must refer to you ex-beaus as something other than their respective numbers, feel free to call them any nasty name/insult you can think of, and feel free to not even get creative. When no one is home and you sit down armed with your pen, paper and "pissed off attitude" to write out your "Master ass hole list" don't even bother with any unique names for the ass hole who's no longer in your life. Stick with the basics; "narcissist, selfish, prick, douchebag, and tool." Andi's sob story of how the world has done her wrong is clearly summed up by her phone contacts, which include "Douchebag (LA)", "Douchbag 2", plain-old "Douchebag", "Don't answer" and make sure you cycle through "POS (Piece of shit)" and "Dumb Jock" before finally adding a new one to your list, "Regret."
4) The WORLD is out to get Andi Dorfman, or rather, anyone who is not part of her girl squad is out to get Andi Dorfman. Andi Dorfman was not a member of a relationship that failed, she was a victim of it and as such, she takes zero culpability for anything she has done, ever.
5) When it doesn't work out with someone who you claimed to have loved deeply, it is absolutely acceptable to turn into the crazy nightmare nobody ever wanted to know. Throw Any respect you once had for this person out the door. In fact, go ahead and take it a step further and burn their stuff-literally, and yours too while you're at it, in someone else's fireplace. Because any sane person with an ounce of self-control would do that.
6) Speaking of someone else's fireplace, if you break up with your significant other, go ahead and live in someone else's home for MONTHS. Nothing puts added strain on your engaged friends life or own relationship than having a self-absorbed and needy house guest. Don't feel pressured to get your own place or to go back to that job you can't stop bragging that you used to have where you were forced to work -gasp- 60 hours a week for -bigger gasp- only $57,000/year!!
7) Andi dorfman has never met a designer brand she didn't like, but let's be real-Shoes are life. This girl even refers to break ups with an analogy about credit card debt due to buying too many high end clothes
Obviously, I wasn't a big fan of this book. I was so shocked at just how immature her entire perspective was on basically everything she discussed. She's like the classic mean girl brat with an inflated sense of self you would expect to see in, well, mean girls. I sincerely hope that no one follows her break-up or life advice.
This is what I've learned from and about Andi Dorfman while reading her attempt at a self-help guide/checklist in book format:
1) She likes alcohol. No, she LOVES alcohol. Her drink of choice is red wine, but she's made it clear that she's all about anything that's been fermented. Here's a few quotes to demonstrate:
"The only thing that makes me feel better is being asleep or buzzed"
"The bed is my boyfriend, Mr. Cabernet is my best friend"
"Lesson learned, stay away from the self-help, but don't stay away from the red wine"
2) It is completely acceptable to dehumanize your ex-boyfriends/fiancé/any male who has made the unfortunate decision to entwine with you temporarily by taking away their names. Nothing says "I have zero respect for you" like replacing someone's name with a Number. (Poor Poor #26)
3) If you must refer to you ex-beaus as something other than their respective numbers, feel free to call them any nasty name/insult you can think of, and feel free to not even get creative. When no one is home and you sit down armed with your pen, paper and "pissed off attitude" to write out your "Master ass hole list" don't even bother with any unique names for the ass hole who's no longer in your life. Stick with the basics; "narcissist, selfish, prick, douchebag, and tool." Andi's sob story of how the world has done her wrong is clearly summed up by her phone contacts, which include "Douchebag (LA)", "Douchbag 2", plain-old "Douchebag", "Don't answer" and make sure you cycle through "POS (Piece of shit)" and "Dumb Jock" before finally adding a new one to your list, "Regret."
4) The WORLD is out to get Andi Dorfman, or rather, anyone who is not part of her girl squad is out to get Andi Dorfman. Andi Dorfman was not a member of a relationship that failed, she was a victim of it and as such, she takes zero culpability for anything she has done, ever.
5) When it doesn't work out with someone who you claimed to have loved deeply, it is absolutely acceptable to turn into the crazy nightmare nobody ever wanted to know. Throw Any respect you once had for this person out the door. In fact, go ahead and take it a step further and burn their stuff-literally, and yours too while you're at it, in someone else's fireplace. Because any sane person with an ounce of self-control would do that.
6) Speaking of someone else's fireplace, if you break up with your significant other, go ahead and live in someone else's home for MONTHS. Nothing puts added strain on your engaged friends life or own relationship than having a self-absorbed and needy house guest. Don't feel pressured to get your own place or to go back to that job you can't stop bragging that you used to have where you were forced to work -gasp- 60 hours a week for -bigger gasp- only $57,000/year!!
7) Andi dorfman has never met a designer brand she didn't like, but let's be real-Shoes are life. This girl even refers to break ups with an analogy about credit card debt due to buying too many high end clothes
Obviously, I wasn't a big fan of this book. I was so shocked at just how immature her entire perspective was on basically everything she discussed. She's like the classic mean girl brat with an inflated sense of self you would expect to see in, well, mean girls. I sincerely hope that no one follows her break-up or life advice.
June 25, 2016
This book falls under " guilty pleasure" except there wasn't anything pleasurable about it. Just a terrible book. As a longtime Bachelor / Bachelorette fan, I was looking forward to some behind the scenes info, but that never happened. Instead she is giving advice and referring to the men on the show by number.....it was so annoying, that I really couldn't read the whole book. Just skimmed through the second half. Dont bother with this one.
August 31, 2016
I'm sure I will get hate comments for this review, so be it. I finished this book with less respect and less sympathy for Andi. She comes off as so shallow and vindictive. I might just be the wrong audience. During all the moaning and self pity during the break up, I wanted to yell WE GET IT, you are heartbroken, there are worse things in the world.
I had hoped for more behind the scenes info on the Bachelor/Bachelorette similar to Courtney's book. Instead this was written like a self help book but one where she makes all the mistakes you shouldn't make after a break up (accepting a booty call from an ex and then bragging about it?!). I think this book wanted to be everything - tell all, self help, memoir - but got none of them right.
I'm pretty sad I contributed to this being a NYT best seller :(
I had hoped for more behind the scenes info on the Bachelor/Bachelorette similar to Courtney's book. Instead this was written like a self help book but one where she makes all the mistakes you shouldn't make after a break up (accepting a booty call from an ex and then bragging about it?!). I think this book wanted to be everything - tell all, self help, memoir - but got none of them right.
I'm pretty sad I contributed to this being a NYT best seller :(
May 4, 2016
4 Heart Warming Stars
I’m a mega Bachelor and Bachelorette fan. I’m that crazy person that DVR’s the episodes and rehash all the details of the show to my husband who loving pretends to listens to my rants.
You don’t have to be a fan of the show to read this book. If you are
1.) going through a breakup
2.) have gone through a bad breakup
3.) or like to read about breakups because it makes you feel better
It’s a great book about loving someone, losing someone and finding yourself again.
Andi Dorfman was on The Bachelor and she actually dumped the guy after the overnight date. I remember watching this episode and thinking to myself, gah, this guy is such a tool, you go girl! He was my least favorite Bachelor, but that’s beside the point. This landed her a spot as the next Bachelorette.
The book is about Andi right after her breakup with ex fiancé, who we call number twenty six. Throughout the book she goes back to the past and retells her side of the story. She doesn’t do an entire play by play of the show, but we do get some extra background on the show which I enjoyed reading.
I really liked the pace and tone of the book. I also find her writing style very comical and light-hearted. I thought I was going to get a hate-filled book and believe me there’s plenty of tension in the book between her and her ex, but it’s a book about going through the bad before get to the good or at least healing.
Now, I’m a thirty something woman, happily married to my soul mate, and so I can’t really relate to her currently, but I have felt what she had felt. I’ve had my fair share of horrible and disastrous break ups, so like I said this book is great for girls going through the same thing.
I found Andi very strong, resilient and modern. Although I don’t agree with some of her points in the book, I applaud her for putting herself out there and kind of showing the world her open wounds.
She isn’t mean or vindictive, yes she has to tell you about the gritty side of the relationships and why they didn’t work out, but it’s all relatable. We have all gone through fights we can’t remember why we fought, nights where you didn’t sleep next to your partner and drinking pain away.
Overall the book was written well, the flow was great and the message was received loud and clear. I read the book in two days. Seriously if you are a single girl, this book is perfect for you. It will make you want to purge yourself of nasty toxins and self-reflect. Oh and buy a nice purse too (and PS Andi, I think LV speedy purses are STILL in style)
AN ARC was provided
AMAZON TBR MAY 17
I’m a mega Bachelor and Bachelorette fan. I’m that crazy person that DVR’s the episodes and rehash all the details of the show to my husband who loving pretends to listens to my rants.
You don’t have to be a fan of the show to read this book. If you are
1.) going through a breakup
2.) have gone through a bad breakup
3.) or like to read about breakups because it makes you feel better
It’s a great book about loving someone, losing someone and finding yourself again.
Andi Dorfman was on The Bachelor and she actually dumped the guy after the overnight date. I remember watching this episode and thinking to myself, gah, this guy is such a tool, you go girl! He was my least favorite Bachelor, but that’s beside the point. This landed her a spot as the next Bachelorette.
The book is about Andi right after her breakup with ex fiancé, who we call number twenty six. Throughout the book she goes back to the past and retells her side of the story. She doesn’t do an entire play by play of the show, but we do get some extra background on the show which I enjoyed reading.
I really liked the pace and tone of the book. I also find her writing style very comical and light-hearted. I thought I was going to get a hate-filled book and believe me there’s plenty of tension in the book between her and her ex, but it’s a book about going through the bad before get to the good or at least healing.
Now, I’m a thirty something woman, happily married to my soul mate, and so I can’t really relate to her currently, but I have felt what she had felt. I’ve had my fair share of horrible and disastrous break ups, so like I said this book is great for girls going through the same thing.
I found Andi very strong, resilient and modern. Although I don’t agree with some of her points in the book, I applaud her for putting herself out there and kind of showing the world her open wounds.
She isn’t mean or vindictive, yes she has to tell you about the gritty side of the relationships and why they didn’t work out, but it’s all relatable. We have all gone through fights we can’t remember why we fought, nights where you didn’t sleep next to your partner and drinking pain away.
Overall the book was written well, the flow was great and the message was received loud and clear. I read the book in two days. Seriously if you are a single girl, this book is perfect for you. It will make you want to purge yourself of nasty toxins and self-reflect. Oh and buy a nice purse too (and PS Andi, I think LV speedy purses are STILL in style)
AN ARC was provided
AMAZON TBR MAY 17
January 31, 2018
Seriously, guys, if you are searching for the following: A hilariously engaging and relatable narrator, a girl who inspirationally keeps going amidst adversity, and a true "tell all" of what really happened on a Bachelor franchise season, this really isn't it, and Andi is right: It's NOT okay! After reading Courtney Robertson's memoir a few months ago, the bar was set high (and if you're judging right now, I dare you to read it. I have an advanced degree in English and ate it up!). Unfortunately, Andi didn't deliver for a multitude of reasons:
1. Considering that Andi is a moderately "functioning" alcoholic, I'm not sure I can believe her. Almost every few pages is a reference to a wine brand, an exclamation of how alcohol is the best boyfriend/friend she's ever had, or blatant admittance of getting wasted instead of seeking professional help for falling off the wagon of life and mooching off one of her friends for months without even washing her clothes. Andi's advice for readers is to give yourself a good multi-month wallow in anguish before attempting to be an adult again. Sorry, Andi, most of us can't just leave our jobs and still afford to live for as long as it takes to get over a fiancé. For instance, I'm a teacher, so after a break up I can't exactly get a sub for months while I drink like a fish and eat take out; it's called continuing to exist.
2. Andi didn't provide any Juan Pablo info until the end. Hey, he made you famous and you were into him, but all he gets is a few pages?
3. She refused to use any names except derogatory ones and numbers. At first, I assumed that she was trying to protect herself legally, but by the end, it just seemed like another way she was being childish.
4. The chronology was off and she only gave vague details, especially from her end. She never gives specifics about arguments except what Josh did wrong. Considering she was probably drunk, I would love to read Josh's POV of their arguments and if Andi was as "calm and cool" as she wrote herself to be.
5. Her "lessons" at the end of the chapters didn't always fit with what the chapters were about! One lesson is "when you know, you know" even though she admits that she stayed with him for longer because she was unsure. In another chapter, she advises readers to move on when she is still supposedly writing from a friend's guest bedroom and avoiding getting her belongings out of her ex's house.
6. This book is a sad attempt at a self-help book. Andi acts like readers sincerely desire break up advice from her when she truly handles the break up very poorly and she has to know that everyone is reading to hear more behind the scenes moments about the show. Andi assuming that readers desire more from her from the opening pages is pretty narcissistic. The best writers write what is in their heads and trust their readers (and their writing craft) to be interpreted the right way.
7. Andi should've hired a better editor: "But I can't help but think that this is the last time I'll ever seem them again, as this person" (306). Really?
8. Andi lacks self-awareness to a shocking degree. She totes that she's a feminist, yet views being a feminist as letting her vagina drive her decisions in picking men, "using" men for booty calls, and having a girl "squad." Frankly, reading this book made me feel really badly for Nick, who seemed to have sincere feelings for Andi and was then villainized. Again, she was probably drunk before they slept together, so who knows what he actually said to her? Plus, she still wants to sleep with him again!
9. Andi really is, as my students would say, a "thirsty ho." She admits to having blinders on when it comes to attraction and even advises to have one last fling with an ex to "literally fuck him." When she doesn't realize is that she's also giving that person who allegedly emotionally abused her something her enjoys as well!
10. The ending is so cliché I can't believe it isn't fiction. Andi moving to NY "like Carrie Bradshaw" is so uninspiring I almost quit reading at the first mention of it. Clearly, Sex and the City was a drinking event for Andi because, had she watched it, she would have realized that Carrie is not a feminist role model: she lets men treat her terribly (Mr. Big even jilts her at the altar after trying to date him for ten years! Then, she still forgives him and has a sad, uneventful ceremony at the courthouse and diner), she has no desire to advance her career (Candance Bushnell actually pitched for Carrie to run for congress and improve her job, but the network and fans desired Carrie to stay with her repetitive column her entire adult life), and she doesn't progress in her life/pose as a competitive force to the "man's world." I guess Andi really is like Carrie, but that's not inspirational! Plus, she doesn't even have a job when she leaves for NY and is almost 30. Great plan, Andi: moving to a city where there is actual data revealing the dearth of men for marriage in NY because you want to live in a "big city" (hello, you're from Atlanta!).
11. The very end when she tells readers that it IS okay. What?! It's okay because you have money to go to NY? Juan Pablo was right? Go home Andi, you're drunk (and quit keeping a diary).
1. Considering that Andi is a moderately "functioning" alcoholic, I'm not sure I can believe her. Almost every few pages is a reference to a wine brand, an exclamation of how alcohol is the best boyfriend/friend she's ever had, or blatant admittance of getting wasted instead of seeking professional help for falling off the wagon of life and mooching off one of her friends for months without even washing her clothes. Andi's advice for readers is to give yourself a good multi-month wallow in anguish before attempting to be an adult again. Sorry, Andi, most of us can't just leave our jobs and still afford to live for as long as it takes to get over a fiancé. For instance, I'm a teacher, so after a break up I can't exactly get a sub for months while I drink like a fish and eat take out; it's called continuing to exist.
2. Andi didn't provide any Juan Pablo info until the end. Hey, he made you famous and you were into him, but all he gets is a few pages?
3. She refused to use any names except derogatory ones and numbers. At first, I assumed that she was trying to protect herself legally, but by the end, it just seemed like another way she was being childish.
4. The chronology was off and she only gave vague details, especially from her end. She never gives specifics about arguments except what Josh did wrong. Considering she was probably drunk, I would love to read Josh's POV of their arguments and if Andi was as "calm and cool" as she wrote herself to be.
5. Her "lessons" at the end of the chapters didn't always fit with what the chapters were about! One lesson is "when you know, you know" even though she admits that she stayed with him for longer because she was unsure. In another chapter, she advises readers to move on when she is still supposedly writing from a friend's guest bedroom and avoiding getting her belongings out of her ex's house.
6. This book is a sad attempt at a self-help book. Andi acts like readers sincerely desire break up advice from her when she truly handles the break up very poorly and she has to know that everyone is reading to hear more behind the scenes moments about the show. Andi assuming that readers desire more from her from the opening pages is pretty narcissistic. The best writers write what is in their heads and trust their readers (and their writing craft) to be interpreted the right way.
7. Andi should've hired a better editor: "But I can't help but think that this is the last time I'll ever seem them again, as this person" (306). Really?
8. Andi lacks self-awareness to a shocking degree. She totes that she's a feminist, yet views being a feminist as letting her vagina drive her decisions in picking men, "using" men for booty calls, and having a girl "squad." Frankly, reading this book made me feel really badly for Nick, who seemed to have sincere feelings for Andi and was then villainized. Again, she was probably drunk before they slept together, so who knows what he actually said to her? Plus, she still wants to sleep with him again!
9. Andi really is, as my students would say, a "thirsty ho." She admits to having blinders on when it comes to attraction and even advises to have one last fling with an ex to "literally fuck him." When she doesn't realize is that she's also giving that person who allegedly emotionally abused her something her enjoys as well!
10. The ending is so cliché I can't believe it isn't fiction. Andi moving to NY "like Carrie Bradshaw" is so uninspiring I almost quit reading at the first mention of it. Clearly, Sex and the City was a drinking event for Andi because, had she watched it, she would have realized that Carrie is not a feminist role model: she lets men treat her terribly (Mr. Big even jilts her at the altar after trying to date him for ten years! Then, she still forgives him and has a sad, uneventful ceremony at the courthouse and diner), she has no desire to advance her career (Candance Bushnell actually pitched for Carrie to run for congress and improve her job, but the network and fans desired Carrie to stay with her repetitive column her entire adult life), and she doesn't progress in her life/pose as a competitive force to the "man's world." I guess Andi really is like Carrie, but that's not inspirational! Plus, she doesn't even have a job when she leaves for NY and is almost 30. Great plan, Andi: moving to a city where there is actual data revealing the dearth of men for marriage in NY because you want to live in a "big city" (hello, you're from Atlanta!).
11. The very end when she tells readers that it IS okay. What?! It's okay because you have money to go to NY? Juan Pablo was right? Go home Andi, you're drunk (and quit keeping a diary).
July 5, 2018
I don't see why she feels the need to curse on practically every page, and her calling her boss at the DA's office the "head bitch" is mega offensive. Her current PR-based career suits her much better than her purported legal one.
July 15, 2016
Not sure why I read this.
May 28, 2016
The "book" was awful. Andi portrays herself as a victim with taking no blame on herself for her poor decisions and hurtful actions. Revenge & money were the only reasons for writing this. I used to find her classy but now I find her classless and tacky. Her "advice" is ridiculous and her foul mouth is even worse. Andi should take a good hard look in the mirror before she starts bashing the behavior of others and then turning around and doing the same things. SAVE YOUR MONEY.
June 4, 2016
I would actually like to give this no stars. She comes off as completely pretentious, mean, and holier than thou. I am sure there are people who will enjoy the tone and relate, but I (fortunately) am not one of them.
August 18, 2016
Oh Andi, Andi, Andi. I lost so much respect for this verbal vomit of a book SO NOT ready to be written. Self-indulgent, terribly organized (can you say...Wait..What? You ARE DRUNK while writing??) a big "lets bash He Who Must Not Be Named", a trainwreck. Yet, I kept reading. Hoping, even seeing if it may serve well for my twenty-something fan of the Bachelorette Brand. Handing it over, Page 3, I hear...Ugh....she starts a sentence with AND. I can only imagine the job the editors had with this mess. No wonder you had to praise them in the credits, they deserved that. Did "No.26?" I'm not sure. Do I think the scathing words are true? After seeing him chomp pizza in Paradise, yes but still unacceptable to publish this for a quick buck. NY Times Bestselling Author? Uh. Yeah, for a hot second due to the gazillion followers like me who wanted more behind the scenes peeks. Am I hater? No. Am I rough here? Yes. I am because you know better. Next time, do better.
June 11, 2017
I love how she refers to the winner of the bachelorette as number 26 there at the book she never uses his name and I think that's great except I forgot who she picked so I want to know who this asshole is.
I've always wondered what the bachelor or bachelorette is thinking well going through the show either as the main person or as a contestant and it was really fun to read her perspective on everything and how the guys she picked wasn't her one.
I really enjoyed her lessons learned and dues and downs all the little things that she learned throughout dating and relationships and reality TV it was fun and it was useful and I really enjoyed it.
This book has 1 million little gems hidden in within.
"Three dots he's typing "
"When people say Chicago is cold they ain't effing kidding"
I've always wondered what the bachelor or bachelorette is thinking well going through the show either as the main person or as a contestant and it was really fun to read her perspective on everything and how the guys she picked wasn't her one.
I really enjoyed her lessons learned and dues and downs all the little things that she learned throughout dating and relationships and reality TV it was fun and it was useful and I really enjoyed it.
This book has 1 million little gems hidden in within.
"Three dots he's typing "
"When people say Chicago is cold they ain't effing kidding"
June 1, 2016
This book was not okay. I ashamedly admit that I watch most season of The Bachelor and Bachelorette and I'm all for a good tell-all. But then was just ... ugh. In her effort to show how cute and comfortable she is with herself, her sexuality, her choices, etc. ... she just came across as materialistic, spoiled, immature, and definitely not over her last relationship. Making this seem like a 'how to get over your break-up' book seemed really contrived and like an after thought. It also meant the narrative jumped around chronologically which was annoying. I would have just preferred if she told her story in a more traditional way. I just thought what she shared was over the top, especially considering how private she claimed to be. She was allegedly livid that Nick outed her on tv for having had sex with him on the show ... but then she spent an entire chapter talking about her bonus sex with Josh? And PS, you didn't get revenge on him by doing that - he got laid too! I listened to this as an audiobook, and even though I thought Josh was kind of dumb on the show and wanted her to pick the more interesting Nick, by the end, I felt sorry for Josh and wanted to break up with her.
July 6, 2016
2.5 - Ironically this book entitled It's Not Okay was really just okay. I admire Andi's willingness to share her story so vulnerably like this & even try to share some of the lessons she's learned through her break up so that others can heal from theirs also. But to be honest, I would never take her advice and would never recommend this to anyone actually trying to heal from a break up. She came across very whiney and spoiled and even stated in chapter 1 that a breakup is "worse than a death and harder than battling an illness." C'mon man, get over yourself. What you're going through does suck but it is not the hardest thing anyone has ever endured. I thought that was a pretty insulting thing to say and kind of set the precedent for being annoyed with her throughout the whole book. The drama in me that can even get through this show in the first place did slightly enjoy getting some of the behind the scenes details of the show, but in general this was kind of a waste of time and I'm slightly embarrassed that I even finished it.
May 19, 2016
I was eager to read this book because I am nosy and wanted to know the dets as to why the relationship broke down. I liked Andi since Juan Pablo's season and watched her entire season.
After finishing the book I admire Andi for being raw, honest and vulnerable for the world to see. Whilst I know that there are always three parts to a story - her truth, his truth and the real truth - this is a story of her truth. I admire her for being willing to let it all hang out, despite the judgement that some will pass on her. She is honest about the aftermath of a break up; I know I have been there and can completely identify. All of the feelings she speaks about - revenge, anger, dismay, hope etc. - are the truth behind any breakup.
Whilst the majority of people don't publish a book after a failed engagement- it is her truth nonetheless. Well done Andi. I look forward to what life has to bring you and wish you nothing but happiness.
After finishing the book I admire Andi for being raw, honest and vulnerable for the world to see. Whilst I know that there are always three parts to a story - her truth, his truth and the real truth - this is a story of her truth. I admire her for being willing to let it all hang out, despite the judgement that some will pass on her. She is honest about the aftermath of a break up; I know I have been there and can completely identify. All of the feelings she speaks about - revenge, anger, dismay, hope etc. - are the truth behind any breakup.
Whilst the majority of people don't publish a book after a failed engagement- it is her truth nonetheless. Well done Andi. I look forward to what life has to bring you and wish you nothing but happiness.
May 20, 2016
I went into this with pretty low expectations. As a lover of all things bachelor, I had to read it. It was okay (see what I did there?) Don't expect great writing. It's not like this is going to win a Pulitzer. It was fluffy and tried too hard. Andi wanted the reader to believe it was her post break up diary, which I don't buy. Plus, it was like reading a self-help book half the time because she kept giving the reader speeches and advice. But, it was all about the aftermath of her season which was really great. Basically, if you love this franchise & her as the Bachelorette, read this book for extra information. If you don't love bachelor nation, why did you even pick up this book?
June 10, 2016
If you don't watch The Bachelor franchise, don't read this book. However, I'll own the fact that I love the Bachelor, really enjoyed this book, and read the entire thing in one sitting. IT'S SO JUICY YOU GUYS!
Read
July 26, 2016An adequate, if sordid, distraction for a fan of the show alone in the hospital in the middle of the night after a c-section.
Also a deeply regrettable book written by an alcoholic baby.
Also a deeply regrettable book written by an alcoholic baby.
November 13, 2020
2.5 stars - This was an audiobook. As a fan of the show, I was hoping to get some fun insight. Not much of that but a large helping of self loathing. This felt like a long diary entry with a lot of “tmi.” She had some good points but it was just a little too much “poor me.”
June 26, 2016
First of all, I got to say that I am super impressed with Andi's debut book.
I did not expect to read a good type of writing, I definitely did not expect to feel so many emotions while reading. Actually, the main reason to read her book was to please my curiosity.
What started as an interest, quickly turned into an excitement and page after page I was torn by all the different perspectives - as a fan of Andi, a fan of Josh, a fan ot the Bachelor franchise, even a little bit a fan over the quilty pleasure called Nick. Then the realization that maybe everything is much more complicated than what it seems, hit me and I couldn't resist no more - I now knew that I am enjoying this book, the behind of scenes inside, the what happened then inside and I couldn't fight my compasion for her. I accepted the fact that this book is a really good book, and that I should not be cynical no more.
Seriously, I am impressed with her writing. It is a reflection of her intelligence, of her badass attitude, of her confidence. I fell in love with Andi once again, even though I still have some second thoughts about some of her sayings and decisions. It doesn't matter no more. What does is that the book can empower all the broken women out there, is a playbook and a handbook all at once and is filled with advises, girl power vibes and hints how to save yourself and see straight when you are in unhealthy relationship with a guy sending mixed signals over and over again.
I love every single one of her "lessons" at the end of each chapter. I even consider writing them down and print them on a notedly place, so I could have them when I need a clear judgment.
I did not expect to read a good type of writing, I definitely did not expect to feel so many emotions while reading. Actually, the main reason to read her book was to please my curiosity.
What started as an interest, quickly turned into an excitement and page after page I was torn by all the different perspectives - as a fan of Andi, a fan of Josh, a fan ot the Bachelor franchise, even a little bit a fan over the quilty pleasure called Nick. Then the realization that maybe everything is much more complicated than what it seems, hit me and I couldn't resist no more - I now knew that I am enjoying this book, the behind of scenes inside, the what happened then inside and I couldn't fight my compasion for her. I accepted the fact that this book is a really good book, and that I should not be cynical no more.
Seriously, I am impressed with her writing. It is a reflection of her intelligence, of her badass attitude, of her confidence. I fell in love with Andi once again, even though I still have some second thoughts about some of her sayings and decisions. It doesn't matter no more. What does is that the book can empower all the broken women out there, is a playbook and a handbook all at once and is filled with advises, girl power vibes and hints how to save yourself and see straight when you are in unhealthy relationship with a guy sending mixed signals over and over again.
I love every single one of her "lessons" at the end of each chapter. I even consider writing them down and print them on a notedly place, so I could have them when I need a clear judgment.
July 10, 2017
Excellent book! Absolutely loved it. If you are a die hard Bachelorette/Bachelor fan, you will love learning all the behind the scenes drama.
The ending was beautifully written. Andi really has some good quotes in here! Perfect summer read - it's entertaining, well-written, and honest. At moments, it felt like you were going through the break up with her and you just wanted Andi to stand on her two feet again.
If you have a close friend going through heartbreak, this is a good gift to pass along! Thoroughly enjoyed this book and highly recommend it!
The ending was beautifully written. Andi really has some good quotes in here! Perfect summer read - it's entertaining, well-written, and honest. At moments, it felt like you were going through the break up with her and you just wanted Andi to stand on her two feet again.
If you have a close friend going through heartbreak, this is a good gift to pass along! Thoroughly enjoyed this book and highly recommend it!
June 17, 2016
I get it- you are heartbroken. There are worst things in life than breaking up with you fiancé after 10 months of knowing him.
July 29, 2020
Was trying to turn my brain off.. but next time I think I'll just leave it on..
November 14, 2018
Self-help books say drinking your sorrows doesn’t work, and that’s probably true, but right now I don’t give a damn.
From that quote, you get the spirit of this book. 3.5 stars, rounded up to 4. This was a clever and hilarious memoir / breakup advice combo book. I frequently found myself laughing out loud and demanding my sister (also a Bachelor fan) immediately download the audiobook (particularly when Andi went into hysterically explicit details on her time with Nick Viall). Her audiobook voice style is more of a “chatting with a friend” vibe than your standard narration, and she came across as both witty and smart. I highly recommend this to any Bachelor franchise fan as well as anyone who wants straightforward and honest advice about dealing with a breakup.
Andi weaves a candid discussion of her experiences on the show and the rise and demise of her relationship with Josh Murray into the sequential steps of her breakup recovery chronicle / advice. She is brutally honest about how difficult the aftermath of a breakup is, passing on the typical “just be positive!” advice in favor of her “totally okay recovery process”, which spanned not showering and drinking to getting your sh*t together (in a practical timeframe). Granted she has more leeway than the rest of us, hiding in her friend’s guest room without responsibilities, but her personal testimony was very relatable.
I unapologetically and unashamedly love the Bachelor franchise, so this was a fascinating look at the recruitment process, operations behind the camera, and the emotional ordeal Andi experienced on her season. I love how she never explicitly named any guys or named the show (trademarking issues perhaps?), but even for someone who didn’t follow her season religiously, you wouldn’t have to know contestants to understand her points.
This book did take a more serious note when the reader started to realize her engagement with Josh was emotional abuse. She’s very practical about how battered women realize they don’t think they deserve better because they’re not who they used to be before their abuser wore down their sense of self-worth and who they were. Andi handled the serious tones of this book well.
Certain aspects of this book felt forced at times. Her shopping metaphors were a little over the top, as if she were trying too hard to identify with the “masses”. She also included a lot of “f*ckings” when listing the famous interviewers she would be meeting post-Bachelorette, and while her excitement was understandable, the aggressiveness was jarring.
For a very entertaining read of honest breakup advice and juicy details on Andi’s experience with the Bachelor franchise, It’s Not Okay was a great book. The majority of this audiobook had me grinning like an idiot in my car; her declaration “At age 40, my vagina falls off” had me nearly in tears. I adore the Bachelor franchise so I was pretty excited to read this and it did not disappoint.
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May 25, 2016
Here are some quotes that I took down in my last section of reading this book:
"How is it possible to hate someone you loved beyond all reason? Was there a memo I didn't get that says the more you love someone, the more you'll hate him when it doesn't work out? I used to go to bed and wake up every morning just thinking of how much he revolts me. I never knew how much energy it takes to feel this way. If only disgust could burn calories. As it consumes me more and more, I realize that hatred might even be worse than sadness."
"...And you know what my girlfriends say? (Other than 'he's an asshole.') They say, 'I'll never be able to trust anyone ever again.' Same goes with heartbreak - we all say, 'I'll never be able to love again.' I know I've said it during this breakup probably a dozen times or so. But here's the thing, what good comes out of being damaged? So an asshole cheated on you, or broke your heart. Are you going to let that affect you for the rest of your life? Are you really going to let someone else's actions be a detriment to you? Call me narcissistic, but there is no way in hell I am going to let someone else's mishap steer me down a damaged road. If I'm going to carry baggage, it's gonna be my own. Think about it - if someone's cheated on you, or broken your heart, isn't it THEIR fault? Shouldn't you only suffer from your own actions, not someone else's that you can't control."
"I have to say, it's astonishing what closure can bring to your psyche, in life and in a breakup. You search high and low for closure so you can feel at peace, move on, and be happy again. You've suffered a massive wound, and you are ready for it to heal, so you can too. You think maybe if you can just find a bandage large enough, you can cover the bleeding wound and it will magically be fixed. But it's not that simple. Because the gaping gash of your heartbreak can't simple be bandaged up. No, in order to stop the bleeding, the wound requires stitches. Like loose ends, with each stitch to tie you up, you find that the bleeding subsides a little more, and finally it stops and you can begin to recover. Sometimes in life, you find yourself with one of these big wounds and if you want to survive, you've got to do something about it before you bleed out."
"And last but not least, thank you to every ex-boyfriend of mine. For better or worse, each of you taught me some of life's most valuable lessons, which have inspired me to change for the better and come to the realization that sometimes it's the broke roads that lead to the most beautiful destinations."
I LOVED THIS BOOK. Besides the fact that we have ALL been where Andi was with her breakup, it was articulated so beautifully throughout the book. I loved the use of language and the analogies throughout. Her humor was also very endearing and actually reminded me of myself. REMEMBER LADIES AS ANDI HAS SAID IN THIS BOOK: You are not the first to go through a breakup and definitely not the last! Life moves on even though it may not feel like that at the moment. Love you Andi definitely my favorite Bachelorette, and I forgive you for picking Josh! ;)
"How is it possible to hate someone you loved beyond all reason? Was there a memo I didn't get that says the more you love someone, the more you'll hate him when it doesn't work out? I used to go to bed and wake up every morning just thinking of how much he revolts me. I never knew how much energy it takes to feel this way. If only disgust could burn calories. As it consumes me more and more, I realize that hatred might even be worse than sadness."
"...And you know what my girlfriends say? (Other than 'he's an asshole.') They say, 'I'll never be able to trust anyone ever again.' Same goes with heartbreak - we all say, 'I'll never be able to love again.' I know I've said it during this breakup probably a dozen times or so. But here's the thing, what good comes out of being damaged? So an asshole cheated on you, or broke your heart. Are you going to let that affect you for the rest of your life? Are you really going to let someone else's actions be a detriment to you? Call me narcissistic, but there is no way in hell I am going to let someone else's mishap steer me down a damaged road. If I'm going to carry baggage, it's gonna be my own. Think about it - if someone's cheated on you, or broken your heart, isn't it THEIR fault? Shouldn't you only suffer from your own actions, not someone else's that you can't control."
"I have to say, it's astonishing what closure can bring to your psyche, in life and in a breakup. You search high and low for closure so you can feel at peace, move on, and be happy again. You've suffered a massive wound, and you are ready for it to heal, so you can too. You think maybe if you can just find a bandage large enough, you can cover the bleeding wound and it will magically be fixed. But it's not that simple. Because the gaping gash of your heartbreak can't simple be bandaged up. No, in order to stop the bleeding, the wound requires stitches. Like loose ends, with each stitch to tie you up, you find that the bleeding subsides a little more, and finally it stops and you can begin to recover. Sometimes in life, you find yourself with one of these big wounds and if you want to survive, you've got to do something about it before you bleed out."
"And last but not least, thank you to every ex-boyfriend of mine. For better or worse, each of you taught me some of life's most valuable lessons, which have inspired me to change for the better and come to the realization that sometimes it's the broke roads that lead to the most beautiful destinations."
I LOVED THIS BOOK. Besides the fact that we have ALL been where Andi was with her breakup, it was articulated so beautifully throughout the book. I loved the use of language and the analogies throughout. Her humor was also very endearing and actually reminded me of myself. REMEMBER LADIES AS ANDI HAS SAID IN THIS BOOK: You are not the first to go through a breakup and definitely not the last! Life moves on even though it may not feel like that at the moment. Love you Andi definitely my favorite Bachelorette, and I forgive you for picking Josh! ;)
June 14, 2016
This book was full of questions rather than answers, vagueness rather than detail, and bad advice rather than self help. If you are interested in learning about the inner-workings of The Bachelor(ette) you should read Courtney Robertson's book instead.
The only good advice Andi gives is how not to act when starring on a television show and how not to act in a break up (especially one that garners national attention)! Andi's apparent alcoholism goes undiagnosed but clearly influences the majority of her decisions (attending the casting call solely because she heard there was an open bar!)
Even though Andi initially thought the amount of paperwork involved in being a contestant on the show involved too much work (shocking, considering they didn't attach a bottle of wine to the folder of papers), the producers saw something in her that they desperately wanted to bring to the network: a dysfunctional woman who would continue to make the same bad choices on TV as she had in her romantic life to date. As such, they pursued her application and extended deadlines to allow her to be on the show.
At this points, I must disclaim that Andi was clearly a successful lawyer (having been awarded a license to practice law, securing time off from a firm, and having ample savings to support herself after the disaster of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette subsided. How Andi couldn't make equally logical, rational, and intentional decisions in her relationships as she did in her career is beyond my comprehension.
This book would have been far more interesting if Andi had used names rather than code words for the men she dated. Perhaps she was trying to be sensitive to the men's privacy or she wanted to have an out when they accused her of slandering their names, but, really Andi? You dated the men on national tv. No one is confused or suspicious about these men's names. So what was the point? This was one of many authorial choices that was far from engaging.
The only reason this book receives two stars from me instead of one is that Andi did have some pretty interesting experiences that were fun to read about. She was (is?) a celebrity, and that affords some unusual and engaging life opportunities. But, if you want a book on dating self help, go find a qualified author.
The only good advice Andi gives is how not to act when starring on a television show and how not to act in a break up (especially one that garners national attention)! Andi's apparent alcoholism goes undiagnosed but clearly influences the majority of her decisions (attending the casting call solely because she heard there was an open bar!)
Even though Andi initially thought the amount of paperwork involved in being a contestant on the show involved too much work (shocking, considering they didn't attach a bottle of wine to the folder of papers), the producers saw something in her that they desperately wanted to bring to the network: a dysfunctional woman who would continue to make the same bad choices on TV as she had in her romantic life to date. As such, they pursued her application and extended deadlines to allow her to be on the show.
At this points, I must disclaim that Andi was clearly a successful lawyer (having been awarded a license to practice law, securing time off from a firm, and having ample savings to support herself after the disaster of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette subsided. How Andi couldn't make equally logical, rational, and intentional decisions in her relationships as she did in her career is beyond my comprehension.
This book would have been far more interesting if Andi had used names rather than code words for the men she dated. Perhaps she was trying to be sensitive to the men's privacy or she wanted to have an out when they accused her of slandering their names, but, really Andi? You dated the men on national tv. No one is confused or suspicious about these men's names. So what was the point? This was one of many authorial choices that was far from engaging.
The only reason this book receives two stars from me instead of one is that Andi did have some pretty interesting experiences that were fun to read about. She was (is?) a celebrity, and that affords some unusual and engaging life opportunities. But, if you want a book on dating self help, go find a qualified author.
May 23, 2016
I expected this to be terrible and it wasn't! Go Andi!
First of all, if you don't watch The Bachelor, don't read this. Really.
Anyway, there were things about this book that really worked and things that really didn't. What didn't was the format. This is written as a self-help book for broken-hearted women who are trying to recover from a break-up. It's organized as a diary of her recovery from her split with Josh. Through the course of each entry she gives you a glimpse into how utterly depressed she is, gives you some behind-the-scenes information about the show or about her relationship with Josh, and then gains some break-up wisdom that she neatly ties together at the end. A lot of the advice seemed kind of cliche and just plain bad at times. The format felt forced and not very genuine at all.
What also bothered me was the constant Sex and the City-type writing. There were so many instances where she was doing things like using a Louis Vuitton bag as a metaphor for her relationship and doing those "these fights were as tired as last seasons Prada booties, amirite ladies??!!" She was really trying to appeal to a superficial, vapid reader and it bothered me so much because when she was being genuine, you could tell she ISN'T any of those things!!
And that's what I actually really liked about this. When Andi was being vulnerable and confessing to the horrors of their relationship, discussing why she hasn't gone back to being an attorney, or taking an honest and frank look about what the show did to her, she was clearly an intelligent and lovely person. I like her more after reading about all those moments. Her relationship with the "winner" Josh actually seems like it was emotionally and verbally abusive. Andi sharing her story, despite the fact that her story is appealing because she's a reality TV star, is powerful because she has a lot of influence and an audience.
I think the editors/publishers/whoever wanted to make this more than a tell all and had her turn it into a self-help book, but the best part of this IS the part that tells all because Andi comes off as a gracious and honest person.
First of all, if you don't watch The Bachelor, don't read this. Really.
Anyway, there were things about this book that really worked and things that really didn't. What didn't was the format. This is written as a self-help book for broken-hearted women who are trying to recover from a break-up. It's organized as a diary of her recovery from her split with Josh. Through the course of each entry she gives you a glimpse into how utterly depressed she is, gives you some behind-the-scenes information about the show or about her relationship with Josh, and then gains some break-up wisdom that she neatly ties together at the end. A lot of the advice seemed kind of cliche and just plain bad at times. The format felt forced and not very genuine at all.
What also bothered me was the constant Sex and the City-type writing. There were so many instances where she was doing things like using a Louis Vuitton bag as a metaphor for her relationship and doing those "these fights were as tired as last seasons Prada booties, amirite ladies??!!" She was really trying to appeal to a superficial, vapid reader and it bothered me so much because when she was being genuine, you could tell she ISN'T any of those things!!
And that's what I actually really liked about this. When Andi was being vulnerable and confessing to the horrors of their relationship, discussing why she hasn't gone back to being an attorney, or taking an honest and frank look about what the show did to her, she was clearly an intelligent and lovely person. I like her more after reading about all those moments. Her relationship with the "winner" Josh actually seems like it was emotionally and verbally abusive. Andi sharing her story, despite the fact that her story is appealing because she's a reality TV star, is powerful because she has a lot of influence and an audience.
I think the editors/publishers/whoever wanted to make this more than a tell all and had her turn it into a self-help book, but the best part of this IS the part that tells all because Andi comes off as a gracious and honest person.
July 26, 2016
as a bachelor super-fan I love to watch all the seasons and then place my bets on who's going to stay together and for how long. I read Sean Lowe's book which I really enjoyed and found to be enduring and really genuine. this book was not like Sean's book AT ALL. this book was basically one huge jab at Andi's former fiancé from the Bachelorette, Josh Murray, and a few random jabs at her ex-boyfriend from the Bachelor, Juan Pablo, thrown in for good measure. she was EXTREMELY detailed about almost every part of her relationship including her sexual relationship with several guys (which was weird to read about). was I entertained reading this? yes, definitely. but about half the time I was thinking to myself "omg I can't believe she just said that, let alone wrote it in a book for anyone and everyone to read" and the other half of the time I was disgusted by her talking about "not wanting the press or the paparazzi to know anything" ..LOLOLOL!! honey, you're a D list celebrity and once the next season of the show starts the papo's won't give two shits about you so just cool it. mehh idk. I liked Sean more after reading this book. I definitely don't like her more after reading this.
May 11, 2020
I liked knowing the gossip from Andi's seasons, but I hated reading this book
January 7, 2024
3.5 ⭐️ I like the gossip about her seasons but she does carry herself throughout the book as being better than everyone else.
September 5, 2016
If you came for the tell-all you'll do a lot of skimming, like I did.
I was consistently disgusted with Andi Dorfman for the first half, but then the tone changed slightly and by the end it had actually seemed like she'd grown as a person. At least a little bit. She's either more clever than I thought and managed to do this on purpose or she has a great editor who whipped this shitshow into some slight semblance of redemption.
Dorfman still comes across like a spoiled, sheltered, mean-girl no matter what though. There are so many unnecessary catty explanations for her behavior. I'm not convinced she drank and mentioned alcohol as much as she did because she was going through a breakup. You can be a functioning alcoholic and mostly drink wine.
I was consistently disgusted with Andi Dorfman for the first half, but then the tone changed slightly and by the end it had actually seemed like she'd grown as a person. At least a little bit. She's either more clever than I thought and managed to do this on purpose or she has a great editor who whipped this shitshow into some slight semblance of redemption.
Dorfman still comes across like a spoiled, sheltered, mean-girl no matter what though. There are so many unnecessary catty explanations for her behavior. I'm not convinced she drank and mentioned alcohol as much as she did because she was going through a breakup. You can be a functioning alcoholic and mostly drink wine.
"Atny" she abbreviated to complete my nametag.Ok, you failed at making a good impression with this reader. Passive aggressive nasty remarks are everywhere.
Though she'd abbreviated my profession incorrectly, I decided to let it slide, since I was, after all, there to make a good impression.
I informed the group that we would all be taking a lie detector test! Yay! The horror on their faces made the feminist inside me squeal with excitement.
I couldn't risk impulsively using him for sex, since clearly my urge had not yet been satisfied, and though the feminist in me kind of wanted to "hit it and quit it," I wasn't ballsy or bitchy enough to do it.Someone sit her down and have a good long talk about slut-shaming, gender roles, consent, communication, and internalized misogyny because it is rampant and rank.
Or when your friend has a baby exactly eight months after her wedding and everyone plays along with the whole it's-a-honeymoon-baby bullshit.Please just stop.
Good Lord, what if I have to go number two?If you're dating someone who doesn't realize or accept that you shit just like everyone else you need to rethink some things.
The fireplace catches my eye... I'll burn it all!... First up, the striped pima cotton t-shirt... I see the tag still on it.Because giving it away to charity didn't even cross her mind?
I grasp the sides of the waistband and go for the power tug. That's when I hear the dreaded sound of a rip... That seam is not stretched, it's split. I quickly roll the leggings down my thighs and, in an effort to hide my mortification, hang them back up and slip them in the middle of the rest of the hanging pants, before sprinting out of the dressing room without trying on another item.No respect.
He hates red lipstick, just like every other man in this world does.This is my first time hearing this.
...recognizing the simple yet impactful meaning of friendships.Congratulations, Andi. You may finally be growing up.
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