Until Further Notice, I Am Alive

by Tom Lubbock

Until Further Notice, I am Alive

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Death, Biography Memoir, Autobiography

160 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2012

Reviews

[Joachim Stoop · Rating 5 out of 5]

First The iceberg by his wife Marion Coutts, then this... Combined it makes one of the most impressive, bewildering and beautiful reading experiences I"ve ever witnessed. Strange to put it this way, regarding the topic.
Wow! Wow! Wow! Humans sometimes are heavenly creatures, although mortal.

[Sophy H · Rating 4 out of 5]

Re-read February 2023:- My feelings remain the same as those I experienced first time around however, this isn't a title I want to return to again as it saddens me too much. In the name of impermanence and in the spirit of this book, I'll let go of it to my community library to be given new life.

Original review :- As someone who relishes words, sentences and written structure, I was saddened and humbled by this book. I was humbled by Tom Lubbock's refreshing attitude towards his dire circumstances, his ceaseless attempts to remain neutral about his brain tumour; seeing it neither as the enemy nor the evil, and his gradual disheartening as words seemed to fly out of his grasp. As humans, we are essentially a vocal species. The word is a useful tool and when harboured by masters of the language, can be the most beautiful work of art. What a shame that the time of this talented young man was cut short. It is always saddening to read of someone facing their own mortality with dignity and poise; even more so when they're able to document it so eloquently, even through the loss of their craft.

[Evelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This short book provides one with a window into the author's battle with a brain tumor, from diagnosis through his eventual loss of the ability to communicate shortly before his death. It complements "The Iceberg" written by his wife, Marion Coutts, which offers a window into the world of the caretaker, the loving family member or friend, who assumes responsibility for the care of a terminally ill person from the time of his/her diagnosis until the day that the disease takes it final toll and the person dies. In fact, It is well worth reading the two books in conjunction with one another because together they offer the reader a better understanding of the events that occurred during the progression of the disease by providing insights into both the author's feelings and what his wife and caretaker was experiencing as they sought to do battle with the tumor and have a good quality of life while bringing up their young son who would not know his father beyond infancy, until the tumor eventually left the author without the ability to communicate and resulted in his death.

[Jay Roche · Rating 5 out of 5]

finished this book in one go and it is one of the most interesting follow along books i’ve ever read. the way that life and death are dissected alongside each other, treated the same way and discussed in such a matter of fact way is emotionally trying and incredibly interesting.
what i found most attractive about this book was how human it is. lubbock is as anyone is, a human being, however it is so intriguing to get inside his head and understand his priorities and his thoughts as approaching death. we can’t ever know what it will be like to die, and it is subjective to everyone, however i can only wish to see death as an event as lubbock does.
it is a privilege to have been able to read his story, to get such personal insight to something he could’ve chosen to keep private. a fascinating read and incredibly profound.

[Alexander Gardiner · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you know someone with a brain tumour,this is a useful and well written companion to help guide you on your way and explain the experience of knowing death is Just around the corner.

[ray · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite a sombre read that tracks the final moments of Tom Lubbock’s life, derived from his journal of sorts. The contents of the book are quite grey and depressing, although the way he reflects on his life prompts a lot of moments of thinking for the reader. The way Lubbock makes a comparison between his gradual decay of being able to use language and his physical body shutting down is a unique angle in capturing death and enhances the imagery of sadness that underpins the text.

A book that encourages reflection, if you’re looking for that type of thing.

[Marie (UK) · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was underwhelmed by this memoir of a man's experience with a brain tumor. It felt like ALL that mattered were words and was less about cancer than about language. I am tempted by the reviews to read his wife's account of the journey in The Iceberg

[Emma · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 ⭐️ - A personal account of a man’s fight with brain cancer, written as a collection of dated notes. I guess I was just disappointed and expected more philosophy than factual symptoms and medical content.

There were a couple insightful sections, but books like ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ and ‘When Breath Becomes Air’ tackle similar issues much better.

[Julie Reed · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought provoking memoir capturing the author’s, an accomplished writer, years post brain cancer diagnosis.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

wordy, but worth it.

[Paul Bartlett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Large parts of this book chimed with my own similar lived experience. A beautifully written very human book.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this was very direct straight from Tom’s brain to the paper with little filter here is what I’m feeling as I die. It was a challenging read for me as it’s not something I like thinking about. I didn’t particularly enjoy reading this book just because content wise it’s not a space I enjoy sitting in but I appreciated Tom’s writing. I found it much more direct and related to his illness compared to the ICEBERG

[Ash · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly thought provoking book, that has given new perspective on death, and what it means to live. Has made me appreciate things that I take for granted a lot more.

[Felicity · Rating 5 out of 5]

It seems singularly inappropriate to claim that one enjoyed reading an account of the author's diagnosis of a rare brain tumour, his treatment, the rise and fall of optimism, and the acceptance of his impending death in middle age, but I found Lubbock's terse narrative more compelling than his partner's contemporaneous journal recording how she, a working mother of an infant son, survived his fatal illness. There are no rhetorical flourishes here, no emotional outbursts; he does not 'rage, rage against the dying of the light'. There's some dry, occasionally black humour; frustration, too, at his physical decline and his increasing malapropisms, some of which don't sound even remotely like the words that elude him in speech, though evidently not in this testament of lost faculties. It's a dignified book, even when describing some of the indignities he suffers during treatment. Judging by the mixed reviews, some readers would have preferred a written record of his not going gentle into that good night. If you are among those who favour the periodic meltdown, read Marion Coutts's The Iceberg instead.

[Martin Wood · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was OK . There were a few insightful comments but I was expecting something unrealistic I think; some how thinking approaching death would reveal some deep insight but death like life is just odd!

[Jim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this meditation on living and dying pretty heavy going, in terms of both the subject matter and the style it was written in. To be fair, the author was losing his power of speech and his intellectual capacity to write as his brain tumour grew, and the overall tone tries to look on the bright side as much as possible. It can't hide the sadness, however, of a life being cut short in an untimely way. Tom Lubbock works his way through the ups and downs of his treatment, knowing that at some point the news will inevitably turn bad and terminal. How will he accept this when it comes? How will his wife and young son?
So it's quite a sad book, but it's not bitter nor angry. I feel he reached the acceptance of his fate he sought as the curtain came down, and that he died in peace. Which is all that any of us can hope for in the end.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This small journal is written by author and art critic Tom Lubbock, who in 2008 was diagnosed with a brain tumour. With a wife and young son, he writes for the following two years about his journey, his medical and surgical experiences, his sense of loss and concern for his young family.

I had earlier read the memoir written by his wife Marion Coutts - The Iceberg, and was touched by the poetic beauty of her writing, how in such a stressful time she was still able to be eloquent and graceful. How even though they were struggling as Toms battle with brain cancer was continuing, they were so open and welcoming to friends and family.

It is humbling to read such memoirs, putting our petty worries in perspective.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although deceivingly short with lots of white space, this account of a man's experience dying is not an easy read. He probes the meaning of life, what it means to love and live, knowing his life expectancy is truly eminent. His quality of life might be better than ever knowing this is one of his final 450 or so days on earth. He remains positive knowing this is the life he has and it's his choice how to live these final days. I've read it through and will now savor one entry at a time. Then I'll pull it out from time to time as a manual on how to live.

[Sally · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tom Lubbock's journal is an insightful and intriguing view of living and dieing from a terminal illness. It's written as a journal that is obviously, largely unedited, and of course that's the point. It does highlight Tom's character and priorities, and his career as a writer is obviously his priority. It's not a sentimental dialogue. he consistently repeats and rephrases his problems with communication, occassionaly touching on the young family he is forced to leave behind.

[Wendy Greenberg · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not sure how to judge this book...It is a journey to death by brain tumour. I have read his wife's account of this journey in The Iceberg, which for me was more powerful, insightful, challenging and moving than the "inside" story, which inevitably is factual and written with declining health. Hard to "judge" the writing in these circumstances. A writer writing about his own decline is a tough one.

[Gilgamesh · Rating 3 out of 5]

'Objectively, from the outside you might say, my life is terrible, unbelievable. And it's true, I hate this. I hate the way I am at the moment. But there is no objective view, I am here, in it, and there's nothing else and this fact brings with it many things that make it if course easier. And beyond that there are many other things to think about.'

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fascinating book sharing a human experience in which the majority of us try to avoid talking about. Heartbreaking read, but enjoyable. The style in which Tom Lubbock writes is a bit difficult to digest/interpret at times, but most likely simply due to the fact that he had spent his whole life dedicated to the written word.

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding but not one if you are facing this situation

[Kirsty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully honest and heartrending, this is an exquisite illness narrative, and the parallel to Coutts’ wonderful The Iceberg.

[Sonya · Rating 3 out of 5]

It started really well, but gave up on it.

[Scott Morrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant, if depressing.