Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People: The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern

by Nina W. Brown

For all of us forced to deal with an infuriating, mean, critical person, seasoned counselor Nina Brown has a word of warning. You must accept that your usual coping strategies are not effective, and will not be effective, with this person, she advises. You cannot expect them to react and behave as adults. So what's a victim to do? Start with the suggestions in this book.

In Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People , Brown explains why many people, who may not display all of the characteristics necessary for a formal, full-blown narcissist diagnosis, still display what she calls a destructive narcissistic pattern that results in much the same anguish for those with whom the individual interacts. Thankfully, she also provides specific methods that will help victims of this behavior deal with the narcissistic colleague, supervisor or boss, parent, or intimate other.

Only the extremely lucky among us have never faced or felt the effects of narcissistic behaviors and attitudes, displayed by colleagues, bosses, friends, parents, or lovers. These individuals may boast and brag constantly, take credit for other people's work, expect favors but return few or none, never listen (but always know all the answers), be sure of what is right and best regardless of the topic. They devalue others, micromanage, are hypercritical and mistrustful. Other characteristics of this harmful personality include an inflated sense of importance, although achievements are exaggerated and actual outcomes don't support feelings of superiority. They are exploitative, without empathy, and believe they are envied by all. Brown's excellent advice will help you cope.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction

208 pages, Hardcover

First published October 30, 2006

About the author

Nina W. Brown, Ed.D., LPC, is professor and eminent scholar in the Educational Leadership and Counseling Department at Old Dominion University. An expert on narcissism's effects on relationships, she is the author of ten books, including Children of the Self-Absorbed, Working with the Self-Absorbed and Whose Life is it Anyway?

Reviews

[Debbi Skeen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I started reading this but couldn't finish it because I felt like the author was suggesting I bend over backwards to accommodate the narcissist in my life. I just want to know how to keep my identity and have some say in important life decisions. This book was not helpful at all.

[Snogged · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book to be a valuable read. Nina Brown addresses the destructive narcissistic pattern and explores how this can affect relationships with people who have these traits (parents, co-workers/employers, and significant others.) It really shows that these people are not going to change and you can't make them.

I appreciate the coping strategies section of this book, but I wish that some of the suggestions had been less vague. I think the strategy section could have benefitted from being longer and more detailed. I also felt that the book could have used more examples exploring how to put the theories and research into practice.

This book can take time to digest (much like any college-level textbook). Be prepared to sit with it and allow yourself to process the information it discusses.

[Gary Wright · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brim full of wonderful insightful material, I found the title a little limiting in the sense that it is mainly being presented as coming at Narcissism from one angle. IMHO, the subtitle would probably have helped this book reach more readers than the published title?

From 2006, I would like to see the author publish a revised, updated edition of this study - building on, or in some way responding to, Jean Twenge & W. Keith Campbell's Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement which was published in 2009.

[Kavish · Rating 3 out of 5]

worth reading. teaches you how to deal with abusers.The book however does not warn people in intimate relationships with narcs to leave the relationship.Abusive relationships always get worse.Always.Do not stay an employee or spouse of a narcissist.There's no book or stretegy that will make the relationship bearable.You can learn to deal with narcs who are siblings, coworkers,relatives etc but not boss or spouse.

[Leah Coffin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rather than just bandy about fun, catchy phrases for how to deal with the people this book describes, it offers concrete solutions for handling those who, sadly, will most likely never change. Also encourages healthy self-reflection, even if it might be uncomfortable for the reader.

[Flat · Rating 3 out of 5]

A truly insane number of typos. There were several per page, especially near the end.

[Tammy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fantastic book. I learned so much!

[Matthew Tabor]

Very informative. I started with book with a motive to found out how to deal with these types of people, strategies and came away with it with an understanding of why people have a destructive narcissistic pattern and that there in fact is healthy narcissism which I had no idea that such a thing even exist. You think of narcissism in terms of unhealthy but in fact there is healthy narcissism.

I did learn techniques on how to interact with someone who has a DNP.