From Charm to Harm: And Everything Else in Between With a Narcissist

by Gregory Zaffuto

You try to understand how another human being could psychologically terrorize you in the manner that the Narcissist you were with did to you. You loved this person and they SAID they loved you back. They participated in the relationship and it seemed like ‘normal’ reciprocation as far as them loving you back. BUT today you are looking at this relationship and wondering HOW did this turn around in such a hideous manner that you feel so lost, so confused, so broken, and disabled. What did you do wrong, why did this person that you loved unconditionally now seems to hate you and blame you and WHAT IS THE REASON? They have probably moved on very quickly and are with someone new and they are saying that they are in love and it is amazing. They are also saying that they basically had to run from YOU because you were impossible to deal with, or perhaps you have mental health issues, OR you abused them. You feel frozen in time, very vulnerable, and in shock or better yet traumatized from this and you want to dig through all of the layers and understand this so you can move on, BUT YOU JUST CAN’T SEEM TO DO SO.Family and friends are there to support you but more than likely it is to give you a small pat on the back and say time will heal your wounds, or you HAVE to move on, OR how could you stay in this relationship for as long as you have if it was this bad. When you try to tell your story it is so incredulous that most people seem to be in shock over the allegations that you are proposing about the relationship. In turn you only feel like you are the problem and you blame yourself even more and MAYBE you start to believe that you were the problem just like that Narcissist said.You feel like your spirit is gone and your whole belief system has been thrown out the door about life. Where do you start, how do you turn off the many negative messages? How do you reclaim your spirt and join life again? Who do you go to for the help that you need and WHY is this taking so long to get over? Every day is a struggle and you want this to stop NOW and you want to move on.You have heard ‘things’ your Narcissist has said about you to the very people you love in your life and now they may be challenging you or questioning this from the Narcissist’s point of view. You are defending yourself when you shouldn’t have to. Again you are feeling you are the problem here and all of this has become insurmountable.Well I totally believe you, I totally understand what you are going through and I am going to explain this abuse in a manner to educate you, as well as help you embrace this in a manner to achieve closure on your own. I am going to try to explain as much of this as I possibly can to help you get through this and achieve that “Ah Ha’ moment where you do ‘GET THIS’. I am going to do this in a manner that goes beyond the clinical definitions and put it out there in a raw manner with real definitions and explanations from the perspective of a person that has gone through this and returned back to a normal lifestyle. With each and every separate topic I am going to keep bringing you back to some of the same specific points I may have already covered in a manner that not only defines a specific situation but constantly reconnects it to the bigger picture! I will repeat and connect thoughts in each chapter because there is no real ‘rhyme or reason’ to this abuse, only the truth and facts that every target/victim of this abuse experiences the SAME thing. That is what I am trying to connect you to! Each chapter is its own separate story so you can read a chapter at a time, return and connect to a new definition that brings you back to a little more of the truth and understanding the total picture step by step.

306 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2016

Reviews

[Noelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very helpful for me. It is written by someone who has clearly been burned by a narcissist (not written by a doctor, etc), so it's more personal than professional -- he uses emphatic language and a lot of exclamation points!!! It is repetitive, but for me the reminders were welcome. If you or someone you know is being manipulated by a narcissist, this is a great resource.

[Amber Berkhart · Rating 1 out of 5]

Can I choose no ratings? I am a therapist at an addiction center and thought this might be a useful book for clients who were previously in abusive relationships that wasn't so clinical. Here are my thoughts:

1. Who was the editor and/or publisher? There were so many typos I couldn't even get through the whole book.
2. I would NEVER recommend this book because it breeds hostility and resentment.
3. How many different times can you say the same thing? I actually think the same sentences were repeated with some minor tweaks.
4. Consistent !!!!! and CAPS are not good writing. You made your point. Move on.

[Martin Dutton]

For several years now I’ve been a Facebook friend of Greg and read his daily posts. I also bought his incredibly insightful book not long after I joined his page. Having looked and listened to many other specialists on the subject of Narcissistic Personality Disorder I still find Greg’s the best basically. Why? Because every sentence he writes is so on point. It’s a remarkable feat really. Victims of Narcissistic abuse are often in a state of total confusion - deliberately brought on by their abusers, but Greg, so intelligently and most importantly from his own experiences, brings total clarity. All the features and games of the Narcissist are revealed with the reader-victim saying to him or herself “Yes! That’s exactly what it like! Thank you for making me feel I am not alone.This is a very specific personality disorder which makes the person with the disorder act in very predictable ways. Which Greg has detailed with uncanny and masterful accuracy.” And on his page you will see many many people in his group saying the same ie Yes! Exactly! Thank God someone has really gone into this and written about it to help others. The disorder is really only just becoming known and acknowledged so people still need all the help they can get. And because it’s not universally known - or ‘Out There’ - and to be honest Doctors and even many psychologists either don’t know about or know little about the condition - books and pages such as Greg’s are actually crucial to the many many victims of the many many many (!) Narcissistic Abusers - overt and covert. So the book in invaluable to .. well everyone really! Every body should know about the disorder if only to know how to avoid being “charmed” by Narcissists who btw have many of features of other personality disorders especially anti-social and psychopathic personality disorders. I own many books but I’d say this one is the most important one in my collection. I owe Greg many many thanks 😊

[Maryvic · Rating 5 out of 5]

He is still recovering from betrayal

Very informative book, but not written by a mental health professional. He laid bare his hurt and pointed out the red flags he ignored. This type of love affair is addictive and so unhealthy as the writer points out. A person close to me pointed out there is more types of narcissists. I will look further into this. I am in the process of breaking up with a narcissist, so according to this writer I am a victim not a nut case. I will dig for more info from other sources but to say this writing is enlightening is a huge understatement. He is sending an awakening message to people like me and I needed it and appreciate it. Would recommend.

[Jovana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very helpful for those that have lived through psychological abuse from a narcissist.
Its good because it is written by someone who has personal experience of abuse and went on to research this personality disorder and create support groups for victims of abuse. This kind of abuse takes a long time to recover from and it is often not enough to just see a therapist. It is a form of mind control that takes time to de program from. The strange thing is that stories of victims are almost identical as are the feelings one experiences during recovery which can be long and very painful. This book is most helpful in the recovery process. I do recommend it.

[maureen manning-kimball · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mind Blowing Information a must read.

This book really opened my eyes to the truth. Evil really does exist. This book really helped to heal and move forward like so many. I highly recommend this book as number one.
Thank You,
Craigg



Maureen

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

SPOT ON and very informative

This book is very well written and will educate the reader about narcissism and the abuse they inflict on those they “claim” to love. It helped me immensely to understand what I had been through.

[Heather Leipart · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was good- same principals of other narcissist books, though on a much more base level. Pretty much- I could have written this book. I do appreciate the sentiments, especially coming from a mans persective, but for me this is a one time read. Theraputic for processing narcissistic abuse, though when it comes down to it, more like chatting with a friend for insight than therapy (which, I kinda needed).