Running: A Love Story: 10 Years, 5 Marathons, and 1 Life-Changing Sport

by Jen A. Miller

Jen Miller has fallen in and out of love, but no man has been there for her the way running has.In A Love Story, Jen tells the story of her lifelong relationship with running, doing so with wit, thoughtfulness, and brutal honesty. Jen first laces up her sneakers in high school, when, like many people, she sees running as a painful part of conditioning for other sports. But when she discovers early in her career as a journalist that it helps her clear her mind, focus her efforts, and achieve new goals, she becomes hooked for good.Jen, a middle-of-the-pack but tenacious runner, hones her skill while navigating relationships with men that, like a tricky marathon route, have their ups and downs, relying on running to keep her steady in the hard times. As Jen pushes herself toward ever-greater challenges, she finds that running helps her walk away from the wrong men and learn to love herself while revealing focus, discipline, and confidence she didn’t realize she had. Relatable, inspiring, and brutally honest, A Love Story, explores the many ways that distance running carves a path to inner peace and empowerment by charting one woman’s evolution in the sport.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Sports, Audiobook, Health, Biography, Adult

225 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 22, 2016

About the author

Runner, writer, Garden State Defender. My latest book, Running: A Love Story, is about all three.

Reviews

[Hope · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have read Miller's writing in the NYT and Runner's World and liked it; this, not as much. While this claims to be a love story about how she falls in love with running, most of the book is spent on three of Miller's long-term relationships with men, two of which are pretty psychologically abusive, and her attempts to change herself to please the men. Running factors into those attempted changes, and much of the time she is talking about running in the book makes it sound like another abusive relationship. The joy and release she claims to get from running are mentioned less often than the pain and sorrow she feels. The various races she describes, apart from the primary one that is used as a frame for the chapters, are more examples of her lack of judgement about her abilities and limits than they are testaments to her love of running.

I am glad that she seems to be finally happy and able to truly enjoy running at the end, but this book did nothing to make running seem at all appealing, and I say that as someone who enjoys running.

[Terri Broemm · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Is this a book about running-or relationships with the wrong men? It won't really teach you about either-how to have a healthy relationship or how to be a better runner. Its just one woman's story. Either way-it is an easy read that runners will relate to and has motivated me to lace up my shoes and get out there and run.

[Megan Rosol · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. Disappointing. I was hoping for a female perspective on the experience of long-distance running. Instead, I got a shallow summary of her dysfunctional relationships and her eating disorder, and a lot of emphasis on the pain of running. I decided to bail after she described herself as "having a great rack" and running because she didn't want to become a "heifer."

[San · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book in 24 hours which for me is a sign that I really enjoyed it :)

Couldn't relate to the many relationship squanders Jen went through, but definitely relate to her running story. Having run my first half just recently, a lot of her feelings surrounding running are oddly familiar.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not really about her "love of running" more like her hate relationship with it... until the end? Funny parts, more of a guide on why not to date a-holes.

[Marissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you're going to write a memoir framed around a specific aspect of your life (e.g. your Hollywood stardom, your prestigious career, or, as here, your athletic endeavor), you have two choices: you either have to be very detail-oriented about that aspect, or you have to use that aspect as a framing device while revealing the details of your life.

Jen Miller manages to not really do either of these things in Running. Oh, she kind of goes for the latter, but her extreme lack of introspection scuttles any possibility of a meaningful memoir text. We definitely don't go into the weeds on the sport of running and all its pluses and pitfalls. What we learn about is a series of shitty boyfriends she has over the first decade of her early adulthood. And that's pretty much it.

Seriously. She has multiple siblings, and we never learn their names. There's a shocking incident in which Miller behaves abominably at her sister's wedding, and while she offhandedly mentions not liking her BIL, we never hear about any fallout from this incident, nor whether Miller's dislike of her BIL is a) at all justified or b) continuing to this day. Miller runs a marathon and tucks in a reference to the fact that her mother isn't there because it's Miller's nephew's christening day. What?! So . . . you decided to run a marathon right around the due date of your first nephew? Or, even if baby came early or late, that didn't force a change of plans for you?

If she's not talking about her siblings or friends, who's she talking about? Well, Miller goes into depth about the shittiness of her various boyfriends without ever plumbing the depths of her own psyche for the reasons that lead her to become involved with unsuitable men, including two who I'd have to label abusive (though she never uses the a-word). One of the two abusers even briefly cajoles her into an eating disorder, a fact that she refers to glibly and never really follows through on.

I kept looking for some sign that Miller was going to break through the narrative with a feminist self-awareness and speak to me in a voice full of clarity and mental health. How about a moment of realization that the second abuser's ex-wife was an ally, not an enemy? How about a mention of therapy outside the "I have to tell you to try therapy because people get mad at me when I don't say that" nonsense? How about some body acceptance, rather than talking about not wanting to be a "heifer" when running is impossible for her?

My spleen having been vented, it's not a terrible book. It's very readable. I got a very good sense of who Miller is. It's basically a beach read for people who want to feel a little more virtuous than the masses reading James Patterson.

[Shel]

Darn. Disappointed. This is not the female empowerment book you are looking for. Strongly prefer Jasmin Singer's Always Too Much And Never Enough for a powerful, fun book about identity, self-confidence, relationships, body-image, empowerment and running. Also, after listening to the Rich Roll podcast with Robin Arzón, Arzón's forthcoming Shut Up and Run: How to Get Up, Lace Up, and Sweat with Swagger might fit the bill (adding to the to-read list).

Writers, read this for: How could structure, focus on story, reflection and literary technique have improved this memoir? Compare with Cheryl Strayed's Wild.

Notable: Jen. A. Miller writes for The New York Times. She has platform.

Quoteable: There's a nice quote at the end of the book that begins, "But my running is different now." Wish the book had started from that place and with some of that reflection and self-awareness rather than being told in detailed chronological order beginning from the author's childhood as a non-runner.

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

The idea is good: a young woman takes up running, and different races and training for them coincide with different relationships and stages in her life. I had trouble relating to her New Jersey identity and pride, and don't get me started on her boyfriends. Obviously, I'm only getting her side, but man, these guys are the worst. I wanted so badly for her to expect, and demand, better treatment. I also wish she would have gotten more into why she runs and races -- so much time was spent on complaining about how much it hurt, or being worried about bathroom emergencies while racing. Little to no love of the sport or satisfaction in reaching a goal came through.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Her journey with running, health, and her love life. I was expecting it to be a little more inspiring but I left the book thinking that running is hard and takes a lot of time. Which is true.

[Connie Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Much like running, my favorite part of this book is the finish. :) Seriously, I enjoyed how the relationship with her mom deepened and how her mom always supported her. Since she’s a writer, I’m going to find her articles and read to get tips to improve my running.

[Rachel Buttimer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this book between waiting at the airport and the flight to ATL. Quick, easy read that balances the ups and downs of life and how running relates to it.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is telling to me that I selected a book about running. I’ve been enjoying it in recent months with the help of a great coach and group of women. At times the sequencing of chapters confused me, but that’s my beautiful brain. I really enjoyed this book and the author’s own journey with running.

[Trice · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oy, with the relationships already. Wow - I know it's more confusing in the midst but that was painful. Overall enjoyed the book and the structure was interesting, stretching relationships and running development over the chapters while starting each chapter with part of the account of that one particular marathon that seemed to be the real one to her - the one where she really got it - where it was about the running and not about anything else. I don't know - as I finished I thought "4*'s!" but really overall I don't think I'd put it that high. Good writing but... I don't know. Some of it is not agreeing with her philosophy of life, and I think Alexandra Heminsley's Running Like a Girl was more enjoyable simply because she was able to see the humor in things while still taking herself and her goals seriously. So much of this one just felt like delving into that sorority girl attitude to life, with all the slightly-off pinnacles and serious pitfalls, many judgments and few scattered graces, that go with it, and this... what... way/philosophy of life and living still baffles me. I think I get the underlying reasoning, and I just don't get why people would think that was a good idea. Overall ("you keep using that word - I don't think it means what you think it means" - thank you, Inigo) I liked the book; I found it an encouragement to the running life; I exalt with the writer when she breaks free (at last!) from others' control/judgement/manipulation/crushing and finds her way to her own sense of the (or a) "good life." I think it fluctuated between 3 and 3 1/2 *'s for me.

[Karen Hapgood · Rating 2 out of 5]

Should be titled - Disapointing Love stories - 10 years, 3 sucky boyfriends, and a couple of pre & post breakup races. I wanted a book about the love of running, and this is not it. I finished it because I hoped for a resolution but it didn’t really come. I know it’s a true story but I didn’t enjoy this book much at all. Recommend “The Long Run” instead.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

We all get into running for different reasons. I enjoyed how the author (disclosure: a friend) shared her messy truth about life and relationships, and how running helped her get through the good and the bad.

[Laurel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I identify with the way the author uses running to overcome life challenges, particularly when dealing with failed personal relationships. However, I felt that she could have dug deeper and brought more depth to the connection between mind, body, and feelings.

[Colleen D · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to so love this book. But started getting so frustrated w how much weight was given to men. Why do stories about women over coming odds have to spend so much time talking about men?!?!

[Beth Given]

The occasional swear-word (s-words and the f-word) along with sex and drinking made me put this down 60 pages in.

[G · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding Book!!!

Great story, about why many of us are runners.

[Nikkie · Rating 4 out of 5]

i dont run, so i couldn't really relate to that part, but the book is so much more than that! worth a read!

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a huge fan of running stories. I love Jen A. Miller’s weekly e-newsletter about running from the NYT. Her book did not disappoint. What I liked lost about Jen’s story is that she is not an elite athlete pursuing a goal, but an ordinary woman who accomplished something extraordinary and found healing in the process. Very enjoyable.

[Carmi Cioni Podwojski · Rating 3 out of 5]

Solid 3 for me. As much about bad relationships as it is about running, I flew through this quick and easy memoir. Made me reflect on how running has been my constant companion through the good times and bad of my 20s.

[Em Justiniano · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have never been so disappointed with a book. The title was so appealing to me but the stories in it were complete opposite. Few pages into the first chapter the author started to talk about her high school boyfriend’s penis. I already knew there’s something wrong with this book. I gave it more chance by reading further and she kept proving me right. All she talked about is the men in her life- failed relationships. She mentioned her mom and sisters and they weren’t written with love. The way she talked to her mom after Philadelphia half Marathon is annoying- why mention? As well how she behaved at her sister’s wedding. She didn’t talk about running with any passion, it sounded like just a destruction and way to get the body she hoped to have- to be “good enough for those men.” She didn’t give justice to the title and this is a complete dismay.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

So..... I bought this at my favorite local used bookstore (Piedmont Books), because I had just finished The Incomplete Book of Running and I realized that I actually enjoyed reading about running, and I literally just wanted to read another book about running. This was on the shelf (and got extra points for being written by a woman).

Before she became a serious runner, Jen Miller's attitude about running was pretty much identical to mine.

"I detested running growing up.//I wasn't anti-sport. I ran a lot, but that running had a purpose: to chase after a soccer ball or someone with a soccer ball....// Despite all the running in [sports], I never ran for the sake of running except when forced."p. 15

I loved running to catch a frisbee, or when there was beer at the end (a la the Hash House Harriers), but running just to run? UGH.

But that has changed for me, as it did for this author. Jen Miller is very close in age to me, so there was a lot that was familiar about her narrative, making this a light and smooth read. (I chuckled when she mentioned listening to Guster while in college, as I remember that being a big band of the times during my own college days).

Each chapter of this book describes the timing and events that led up to a particular race, and each chapter starts with introductory text describing her mile-by-mile experience of her 2013 running of the New Jersey marathon. It is an interesting set-up since in running this particular marathon she is revisiting the site of one of her earlier races, so there's points of time and memory in that space that return to her as she runs. But it was honestly a bit confusing too, to keep flashing back and forth between different races (it took me a little while to get used to the structure).

The subtitle of this books "a love story" also informs the structure of the narrative. Each chapter/race is connected to different romantic relationship and as the memoir unfolds we see how relationships repeatedly fail her. And so, it is presumed, as romantic relationships assume an increasingly negative space in her life, her relationship with running takes on a increasingly positive one.

But that's not actually how it worked out in the real-life history; it seemed to me that her relationship to running was incredibly flawed. But at the same time incredibly real (I don't fault her or criticize her, it was just that the "love story" narrative was almost too simple a construct compared to the messiness of her evolving running patterns).

As I read, for the most part, I thought it was simply OKAY. J.M. is a decent writer, though her humor and insights were mostly surface level (a chuckle here and there). I didn't get that feeling of deep oneness that some writers can evoke - like you are really feeling what it's like to be inside their heads, like after reading you'd love to just sit down and have coffee with them. My beloved Caroline Knapp was an author who could do that; but who knows maybe it's just a matter of meshed and matching personalities. But this book gets more than 2 stars because overall I came to really appreciate J.M.'s candor (see p.109 for a story about drinking too much at her sister's wedding and throwing up outside a car that contains your dad and grandparents), and I think there's a lot that will be accessible here for anyone who's ever sacrificed a little of themselves to pleasing others (most of us, am I right?).

Running became for J.M. quite literally and admittedly a defense mechanism.
Here's a section that just now gave me chills upon rereading.

"Maybe through running, I'd run out the clock on our problems and he'd come to his senses and either move home or have me move there. I didn't need to talk to him about it. I still couldn't talk to him. I didn't want to risk a fight. I never wanted to be that couple, screaming at each other. If I just ran and waited, waited and ran, things would all work out."(p.107)

At many stages of her life, running becomes both coping and avoidance strategy, and I can totally see the way running can become a substitute for all the things in life she can't control. Time and again she avoids addressing a problem, and instead creates a running goal in an attempt to smash all that other chaos out of the water. This leads to some unrealistic, over the top goals, and she repeatedly fails!

She gets sick, she gets injured, she drinks too much (alcohol), doesn't eat enough, continuously does things that get in the way of her being the optimal runner she wants to be.

Another favorite line of mine:
"I could hold back and play it conservative given that I wasn't feeling 100 percent, or I could still try to hold that 7:24 pace to qualify for the NYC Marathon.

I am a very stupid person, so I went with option two."(p.111) (Spoiler alert: she doesn't manage to hold that pace.)

So J.M. is human and flawed, but she eventually finds her way to confidence and independence, and running remains a constant and reliable force.

But honestly, the true hero of this book? Her mother! I loved her mother. Her appearance in the narrative is small at first, but she's there, always there - carrying J.M.'s stuff, driving her to races, making sure she eats after runs. It's amusing, because J.M. doesn't give her much attention in the writing (except to say she was there), barely explicitly acknowledges her until the very end, so as a reader, I felt like I was noticing something special - I released a little "awe" inside, each time I heard mention of this doting and committed and attentive mother, wondering if J.M. knew what she had.

[Raela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm in the early weeks of marathon training, so it's super inspiring to listen to running memoirs, especially by other women, while I'm actually running! I love hearing their stories and all the ways I can relate to their experiences. The structure of this book was cool--she alternated between relating her experience with one particular marathon and the years that led up to that and the roles running and love played in those periods of time. I found much to relate to in Jen and this was an enjoyable, quick listen on audio.

This reminded me a bit of the boo, Running Like a Girl, which I highly recommend if you're interested in running memoirs about normal (aka non-athlete) women :)

[Aaron Barnhart · Rating 4 out of 5]

As advertised, a brutally honest memoir from a woman whose low self-esteem made her a sitting duck for emotionally manipulative men — until she discovered the life-changing magic of running.

Here's the funny thing about running, and Jen Miller is a good example of it. You start doing it for other reasons — losing weight, resculpting your body, impressing a partner. And then one day, running tells you the real reason you're running. That is the big reveal at the end of this book. Before we get there, however, there's a lot of pain, physical and emotional, the author must work through, and I gotta admit, all that was hard to read. But it was worth it for the payoff.

[Lara Lillibridge · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not a runner, nor do I ever want to be a runner, so this isn't the sort of book I would normally gravitate to. But this is a book about relationships, which is something I do enjoy reading. I liked the back-and-forth time jumps, Miller's direct prose. I didn't get bored during the running parts like I thought I would...it has the appeal of all the underdog sports movies I love. It was inspiring to see someone push themselves hard just to satisfy themselves—not to win a medal, or national recognition.

I think someone who ran or loved running might connect more with this book than I did.

[K · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was pretty critical of Elizabeth Gilbert but this makes her seem like the patron saint of humility, nuance, and self reflection. I didn't hate this book, I did listen to it all the way through. But I felt like she was trying to be Sex in the City for runners. I got it that even while guys came and went, running was with her forever. Her race reports were interesting and kept me listening. But the person they chose to read it didn't help, it was sort of like when James Earl Jones was reading teen girl tweets on that commercial, she didn't fit.

[Jennifer O'Meara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read many, many books about running, but this is one of my favorites, maybe my favorite. Certainly, it's my favorite in recent memory. It's not just about running, and it's not just about Miller's love life. It's equal parts of both, and with just one or the other, it wouldn't be a very good book. I find books solely about running get a bit boring, as often do books about love. Miller managed to meld the two nicely here. I'd definitely like to read more of her writing. My only question is, why didn't Runner's World hire her when she applied?

[Beth McKinney · Rating 1 out of 5]

I've heard some really good books written by runners, but this wasn't one of them... I wanted to hear about her love of running, but she mostly complained about it. When she wasn't complaining about running, she was speaking (mostly) about her failed relationships. It happens- but I'm not interested. Listened to the Audible version of the book, and had to speed up the pace at 35 minutes left just to get it over with.