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The Mediterranean Love Plan: 7 Secrets to Lifelong Passion in Marriage
The Mediterranean Love Plan unveils the “7 Secrets of Passion” from some of the most romantic countries in the world: Italy, France, Spain, Greece and Israel.
Most couples marry in a flurry of passion, but soon find themselves wondering “How do we keep love interesting, fun and romantic? How do we keep the spark growing for decades?”
Steve and Misty Arterburn offer unique, ground-breaking answers to these age-old questions.
Romance is much more than a date night out or a week away. A passionate, long-lasting love requires two people who are sensually in love with life and each other. In this fascinating book, the authors explore research on seven activities that prompt passion, then describe how Mediterranean cultures practice these secrets in everyday life. Steve and Misty also share how these fun-to-apply secrets have taken their own marriage from confused to confident, from discouraged to delighted– and how you can do it too. The Mediterranean Love Plan will help couples become more playful, creative, connected and romantic -- burning with passion that stands the test of time.
Most couples marry in a flurry of passion, but soon find themselves wondering “How do we keep love interesting, fun and romantic? How do we keep the spark growing for decades?”
Steve and Misty Arterburn offer unique, ground-breaking answers to these age-old questions.
Romance is much more than a date night out or a week away. A passionate, long-lasting love requires two people who are sensually in love with life and each other. In this fascinating book, the authors explore research on seven activities that prompt passion, then describe how Mediterranean cultures practice these secrets in everyday life. Steve and Misty also share how these fun-to-apply secrets have taken their own marriage from confused to confident, from discouraged to delighted– and how you can do it too. The Mediterranean Love Plan will help couples become more playful, creative, connected and romantic -- burning with passion that stands the test of time.
199 pages, Hardcover
Published April 4, 2017
18 people are currently reading
85 people want to read
About the author
Stephen F. Arterburn
257 books154 followersStephen Arterburn is the founder and chairman of New Life Ministries—the nation's largest faith-based broadcast, counseling, and treatment ministry—and is the host of the nationally syndicated New Life Live! daily radio program aired on over 180 radio stations nationwide, Sirius XM radio, and on television. Steve is also the founder of the Women of Faith conferences, attended by over 4 million women, and of HisMatchforMe.com.
Steve is a nationally known public speaker and has been featured in national media venues such as Oprah, Inside Edition, Good Morning America, CNN Live, the New York Times, USA Today, and US News & World Report.
In August 2000, Steve was inducted into the National Speakers Association's Hall of Fame. A bestselling author, Steve has written more than one hundred books, including the popular Every Man's series and his most recent book, Healing Is a Choice. He is a Gold Medallion–winning author and has been nominated for numerous other writing awards.
Steve has degrees from Baylor University and the University of North Texas as well as two honorary doctorate degrees. Steve is a teaching pastor at Northview Church in suburban Indianapolis and resides with his family in Indiana.
Steve is a nationally known public speaker and has been featured in national media venues such as Oprah, Inside Edition, Good Morning America, CNN Live, the New York Times, USA Today, and US News & World Report.
In August 2000, Steve was inducted into the National Speakers Association's Hall of Fame. A bestselling author, Steve has written more than one hundred books, including the popular Every Man's series and his most recent book, Healing Is a Choice. He is a Gold Medallion–winning author and has been nominated for numerous other writing awards.
Steve has degrees from Baylor University and the University of North Texas as well as two honorary doctorate degrees. Steve is a teaching pastor at Northview Church in suburban Indianapolis and resides with his family in Indiana.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
March 21, 2017
The greatest wealth is to be content with little. Beware the barrenness of a busy life. Passion, it seems, needs space to grow. We as couples may need to do less, detach more, simplify our lives where we can so that we have the margin needed to deeply nourish ourselves and our marriages, in all the meanings of that word. Marriage is a living, breathing thing. Feed it, nourish it, and it will gladden your heart and bless your life with ever increasing passion and joy. Neglect or abuse it, and love will shrivel and die.
It is easy for the passion to go out of a marriage. The passion that speaks in this book is the passion for life. To grow, to learn, to experience and to know each other in a deeper level. The author knows that some marriages require counseling and warns that more help may be needed but needless to say, he offers direction for couples that desire something deeper. He also affirms a biblical marriage and the good of sex in a biblical marriage. His insight is encouraging and needs to be shared among couples that may have lost some of their passion.
The teaching of the text takes the reader on a trip to the Mediterranean. Each country offers a look at what passion might look like.
Attunement-Rome is engaging. How do we engage with our partner? Do we control or manipulate? How do we speak to each other and express love? Is their honor, interest, affection? When we are engaged with each other, there becomes an attitude of thanksgiving. With thanksgiving, passion blooms.
Playfulness-The Spaniards are known for their enthusiasm. Do we know how to have fun with each other? Laughter and play take away resentments and isolation. In playfulness we learn to trust each other. Playfulness encourages us to enjoy each other. To be enjoyed is a great gift that we can give each other.
Savoring food-The French know how to enjoy food and prepare. Having a meal together binds us together like none other. Eating brings out passion. Savoring food keeps the focus on what really matters when done correctly. When it becomes about consumerism, the McDonalds and junk food, we lose a hunger for real food.
Enjoying Beauty-The Mediterranean countries display beauty in many forms just as a marriage with passion. When we appreciate beauty it lights a passion deep within us. A beautiful sunrise, a majestic mountain view, a relationship that survives thru pain and victory. This was my favorite chapter. Probably because this is my husband's strongest point and the author went deeper into how God gifts us with all things beautiful. My favorite quote Beauty made you love, and love made you beautiful. Beauty inspires.
The Secret of Creativity- Art and love go together in Parie. Creativity sparks passion and boredom extinguishs hope. Creativity together gives purpose.
The Secret of Health and Longevity-The Greeks are rich in community, laughter, friends, and family. (watch My Fat Greek Wedding) There are some definite good insights with this chapter. The importance of exercise and to keep moving is vital to keeping our passion in our marriages. It is also good for brain health as well.
The Secret of Blending the Sacred and the Sexual-The Jewish culture is rich in the art of blending the scared with the committed relationship of marriage and sex. This chapter was rich in the gift of sex and the most interesting was the Jewish Rules for Sex that may surprise you. The #1 - it is all about her...because when it's all about her Perhaps because if a woman is delighted with and enjoying lovemaking, the man will automatically be ecstatic ..another words when the wife is happy, the whole family is happy. There was a handful of rules that were honoring to the marriage and made the wife queen. Sex not only gives pleasure in a marriage but when done with a high view, it gives us joy in our gender roles. It makes a man happy to be man and woman joyful to be a woman.
The author shares his personal relationship with his wife all through these chapters and at the end of each chapters give bullet items that can encourage you with each step of passion. This book is ideally read by couples but if your spouse is not on board, you can still gleam valuable insight to share with your spouse in deed. Marriage is a journey to be shared with passion. Highly recommend.
A Special Thank You to Zondervan Publishing and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
It is easy for the passion to go out of a marriage. The passion that speaks in this book is the passion for life. To grow, to learn, to experience and to know each other in a deeper level. The author knows that some marriages require counseling and warns that more help may be needed but needless to say, he offers direction for couples that desire something deeper. He also affirms a biblical marriage and the good of sex in a biblical marriage. His insight is encouraging and needs to be shared among couples that may have lost some of their passion.
The teaching of the text takes the reader on a trip to the Mediterranean. Each country offers a look at what passion might look like.
Attunement-Rome is engaging. How do we engage with our partner? Do we control or manipulate? How do we speak to each other and express love? Is their honor, interest, affection? When we are engaged with each other, there becomes an attitude of thanksgiving. With thanksgiving, passion blooms.
Playfulness-The Spaniards are known for their enthusiasm. Do we know how to have fun with each other? Laughter and play take away resentments and isolation. In playfulness we learn to trust each other. Playfulness encourages us to enjoy each other. To be enjoyed is a great gift that we can give each other.
Savoring food-The French know how to enjoy food and prepare. Having a meal together binds us together like none other. Eating brings out passion. Savoring food keeps the focus on what really matters when done correctly. When it becomes about consumerism, the McDonalds and junk food, we lose a hunger for real food.
Enjoying Beauty-The Mediterranean countries display beauty in many forms just as a marriage with passion. When we appreciate beauty it lights a passion deep within us. A beautiful sunrise, a majestic mountain view, a relationship that survives thru pain and victory. This was my favorite chapter. Probably because this is my husband's strongest point and the author went deeper into how God gifts us with all things beautiful. My favorite quote Beauty made you love, and love made you beautiful. Beauty inspires.
The Secret of Creativity- Art and love go together in Parie. Creativity sparks passion and boredom extinguishs hope. Creativity together gives purpose.
The Secret of Health and Longevity-The Greeks are rich in community, laughter, friends, and family. (watch My Fat Greek Wedding) There are some definite good insights with this chapter. The importance of exercise and to keep moving is vital to keeping our passion in our marriages. It is also good for brain health as well.
The Secret of Blending the Sacred and the Sexual-The Jewish culture is rich in the art of blending the scared with the committed relationship of marriage and sex. This chapter was rich in the gift of sex and the most interesting was the Jewish Rules for Sex that may surprise you. The #1 - it is all about her...because when it's all about her Perhaps because if a woman is delighted with and enjoying lovemaking, the man will automatically be ecstatic ..another words when the wife is happy, the whole family is happy. There was a handful of rules that were honoring to the marriage and made the wife queen. Sex not only gives pleasure in a marriage but when done with a high view, it gives us joy in our gender roles. It makes a man happy to be man and woman joyful to be a woman.
The author shares his personal relationship with his wife all through these chapters and at the end of each chapters give bullet items that can encourage you with each step of passion. This book is ideally read by couples but if your spouse is not on board, you can still gleam valuable insight to share with your spouse in deed. Marriage is a journey to be shared with passion. Highly recommend.
A Special Thank You to Zondervan Publishing and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
April 4, 2017
I had the chance to read an advance copy of this book. God knew that I needed to read this. I absolutely love this book. The authors take different Mediterranean countries and gives you a glimpse into what this particular country and culture do in the subject of romance. I loved at the end of each chapter they give you practical applications that you can use in your marriage. I plan on trying out different ones with my wife as we celebrate our 22nd anniversary on April 22nd and beyond. Even if you are single or have a significant other, you can use this book so that your future mate knows that you are the real deal. God designed love and romance to precede a sexual relationship and this book helps you do that. I can't say enough of this book. It will definitely be one I will read over and over again.
April 7, 2017
The Mediterranean Love Plan is more than a practical how-to book for how to make good marriages great. The authors lay out seven intrinsic, emotional, and spiritual principles that make marriage the relationship we all crave but don't know how to obtain. The principles are critical to a vibrant marriage. As a therapist, I'm aware how many marriages simply survive or get by. That's not what you long for when saying, "I do." God intends for marriage to be as beautiful, colorful, and breathtaking at the French Riviera. The authors bring the magic of Mediterranean cultures to the daily lives of the average couple for connection and a deeper relationship.
April 4, 2017
My favorite thing about The Mediterranean Love Plan is that it assumes a few important things:
1. A great marriage is possible for anyone who works at it.
2. Healthy, passionate marriages develop from healthy, passionate individuals.
3. Specific (simple!) suggestions are needed because some of us are a little clueless.
The book is full of great ideas and encouragement, and paints a vision of what a marriage could look like with the right kind of effort and care. My favorite parts included the very specific suggestions Arterburn has for the reader: questions to ask at the dinner table, ways to dress up just a little, and ways to make time for romance.
If you're looking for a book to give your marriage a little oomph, this will do it for you!
1. A great marriage is possible for anyone who works at it.
2. Healthy, passionate marriages develop from healthy, passionate individuals.
3. Specific (simple!) suggestions are needed because some of us are a little clueless.
The book is full of great ideas and encouragement, and paints a vision of what a marriage could look like with the right kind of effort and care. My favorite parts included the very specific suggestions Arterburn has for the reader: questions to ask at the dinner table, ways to dress up just a little, and ways to make time for romance.
If you're looking for a book to give your marriage a little oomph, this will do it for you!
April 7, 2017
This book is a fun, light read on making marriage fun and passionate. I found that the tips weren't just effective for marriage, but for enjoying a passionate life in general. The author compares passionate marriage and sex to delicious food, and writes about how to enjoy both. I would recommend to a friend for sure!
May 5, 2017
So many tips on intimacy can be found in the daily lives of those in Italy, France, Spain, Greece, and Israel. There are such great ideology that can be integrated into our hustled lives here in America. The ideas mentioned in Mediterranean Love Plan are spot on and suggest amazing tips and suggestions to creating more intimacy in your marriage.
Although I have never been to Europe, I know many who have. They return with stories of the relaxing and love-filled atmosphere. It reminds me of scenes in a movie or in books that I read. Mediterranean Love Plan encourages readers to increase intimacy through interactions with one another. Some of these interactions can be planned and sometimes a surprise. A mixture of activities will benefit both husband and wife. It is important, though, for both partners to participate in order to increase intimacy.
When we create activities to do together, it becomes memories made, like when we first began dating our spouses and we did things intentionally to flirt and have fun. It’s what attracted you to each other when you were dating, so why did some of us stop after getting married?
Personally, I hope to inspire some of the activities in this book, Mediterranean Love Plan by Stephen and Misty Arterburn. The eating healthier, exercise, and spending more time outdoors are at the top of my list before I even started reading the book and now I feel a stronger desire to get to it sooner rather than later! My husband and I recently went to a marriage conference, which was exciting for both of us to learn and grow together. As suggested in Mediterranean Love Plan, it helped us become more attuned with one another in an environment we talked about for weeks!
There are 7 secretary’s to live-long passion in marriage, according to Mediterranean Love Plan:
The secret of attunement
The secret of playfulness
The secret of savoring food
The secret of enjoying beauty
The secret of creativity
The secret of health and longevity
The secret of blending the sacred and sexual
Although it would be awesome to work on all secrets all at once to create a more passionate marriage, it would likely be easier to work on one thing at a time. Whether it’s to linger your hand on your spouse’s while driving or cooking a festive meal together, the idea is to do one thing this week and focus on that for starters. You know where you are in your relationship, so start there!
When I first started reading this book, I posted a quote on my social media:
“There really can’t be too many compliments from husband to wife, or wife to husband, in a marriage.” (Arterburn, p.41) There were several responses and one in particular that caught my eye. A friend said she saw this post and immediately complimented her husband on a text message. I hope that more compliments between spouses are thrown about whether electronically or face-to-face.
I was provided the opportunity to read a copy of Mediterranean Love Plan before it’s publication date of tomorrow, April 4, 2017, and be a part of a launch team. I am truly blessed to have read this amazing book and hope to get copies to couples in all lengths of marriage, from newlyweds to golden anniversaries or longer.
Although I have never been to Europe, I know many who have. They return with stories of the relaxing and love-filled atmosphere. It reminds me of scenes in a movie or in books that I read. Mediterranean Love Plan encourages readers to increase intimacy through interactions with one another. Some of these interactions can be planned and sometimes a surprise. A mixture of activities will benefit both husband and wife. It is important, though, for both partners to participate in order to increase intimacy.
When we create activities to do together, it becomes memories made, like when we first began dating our spouses and we did things intentionally to flirt and have fun. It’s what attracted you to each other when you were dating, so why did some of us stop after getting married?
Personally, I hope to inspire some of the activities in this book, Mediterranean Love Plan by Stephen and Misty Arterburn. The eating healthier, exercise, and spending more time outdoors are at the top of my list before I even started reading the book and now I feel a stronger desire to get to it sooner rather than later! My husband and I recently went to a marriage conference, which was exciting for both of us to learn and grow together. As suggested in Mediterranean Love Plan, it helped us become more attuned with one another in an environment we talked about for weeks!
There are 7 secretary’s to live-long passion in marriage, according to Mediterranean Love Plan:
The secret of attunement
The secret of playfulness
The secret of savoring food
The secret of enjoying beauty
The secret of creativity
The secret of health and longevity
The secret of blending the sacred and sexual
Although it would be awesome to work on all secrets all at once to create a more passionate marriage, it would likely be easier to work on one thing at a time. Whether it’s to linger your hand on your spouse’s while driving or cooking a festive meal together, the idea is to do one thing this week and focus on that for starters. You know where you are in your relationship, so start there!
When I first started reading this book, I posted a quote on my social media:
“There really can’t be too many compliments from husband to wife, or wife to husband, in a marriage.” (Arterburn, p.41) There were several responses and one in particular that caught my eye. A friend said she saw this post and immediately complimented her husband on a text message. I hope that more compliments between spouses are thrown about whether electronically or face-to-face.
I was provided the opportunity to read a copy of Mediterranean Love Plan before it’s publication date of tomorrow, April 4, 2017, and be a part of a launch team. I am truly blessed to have read this amazing book and hope to get copies to couples in all lengths of marriage, from newlyweds to golden anniversaries or longer.
Read
July 3, 20221. Attunement
Connecting to and focusing on each other at some point every day, from the heart.
2. Playfulness
Enjoying each other through laughter and simply having fun.
3. Savor Food
Taking advantage of opportunities to cook, serve, and savor delicious food, as we slow down to share the events of our lives or share deeper thoughts together.
4. Enjoy Beauty
Purposefully surrounding ourselves with lovely sights, sounds, and smells. Going to inspiring places can feed our soul’s hunger for beauty. When we enjoy beauty—in nature, in culture, or in each other—we connect, heart to heart.
5. Shared Creativity
Giving yourselves the passion-boosting pleasure of working on projects together or engaging in an activity that brings you both into a sense of flow.
6. Health, Well-Being, and Longevity
Prioritizing rest, exercise, healthy food, sexual intimacy, a sense of belonging to community, and growing in a vibrant faith.
7. Sexuality and Spirituality
Enjoying God-blessed sex that is both physically pleasurable and spiritually bonding.
Connecting to and focusing on each other at some point every day, from the heart.
2. Playfulness
Enjoying each other through laughter and simply having fun.
3. Savor Food
Taking advantage of opportunities to cook, serve, and savor delicious food, as we slow down to share the events of our lives or share deeper thoughts together.
4. Enjoy Beauty
Purposefully surrounding ourselves with lovely sights, sounds, and smells. Going to inspiring places can feed our soul’s hunger for beauty. When we enjoy beauty—in nature, in culture, or in each other—we connect, heart to heart.
5. Shared Creativity
Giving yourselves the passion-boosting pleasure of working on projects together or engaging in an activity that brings you both into a sense of flow.
6. Health, Well-Being, and Longevity
Prioritizing rest, exercise, healthy food, sexual intimacy, a sense of belonging to community, and growing in a vibrant faith.
7. Sexuality and Spirituality
Enjoying God-blessed sex that is both physically pleasurable and spiritually bonding.
February 18, 2021
Really good book. One of the best books I’ve read on romance/passion in a long time. It takes you through a journey of various countries to teach you how passion is shown. I will read again. Highly recommended.
June 20, 2018
Married couples, read this book! It's full of humor and practical ideas for how to make or keep your marriage fresh and passionate.
December 23, 2018
Great advice! Marriage goals!
June 11, 2019
Interesting thoughts on marriage
August 23, 2020
Review to come soon.
November 29, 2016
It comes at a price, but this book offers great, fresh ideas. The shelves are full of books and magazines filled with suggestions for your love life, but I really did find creative, practical fun ideas in this book. It's the kind of book you will want to keep handy so you can refer back to the tips at the end of each chapter for new ideas.
The downside is the amount of time you have to spend floating down Ego River. You will hear about the boats he has owned, the awards he has received, his speaking engagements, his radio interviews, the ministries he has founded, his musical talent, his artistic talent, the extravagant vacations he has had, and the perfection of his family. You will learn that you should go to Spain, and Italy, and France. Look past all of that, and you will find great thoughts and ideas.
The free advance reading copy that Zondervan sent me had a lot of unsubstantiated claims that I hope will have citations in the final version. In this Internet era of false news, you can't say things like "studies show" without naming credible sources, but I'm sure that will be cleaned up.
All in all, this is an impressive collection of great ideas that go beyond the typical fluff in modern relationship resources. My wife has already benefited from a couple of things I picked up, and I haven't really begun to apply it proactively. These are great thoughts that are appropriate for everyone who is in, or who wants to be in, a loving relationship.
April 13, 2017
Review to come...
April 25, 2017
This was a fantastic book. It was easy to read and had a ton of great information along with easy to apply lists at the back of each chapter. It is a book that not only gives you great ideas to apply to your marriage to make it better, but it explains how it can affect your relationship and also gives you easy to apply methods to implement the changes. Very well rounded and user friendly. I highly suggest every couple pick up and read this book. Everyone can pull a thing or two out of it (if not more) to better their relationship. One thing I have applied and it h as helped a ton is the recommendation to wake up "naturally"(no alarm clock) 2-3 days a week. This hasn't been the easiest to implement, but has made such a difference in my energy level and how healthy I feel during week. Happy Reading!
April 13, 2017
Unique travelogue to benefit your marriage!
This book is an unusual twist on marriage improvement. The book begins by making three assumptions: that any marriage can be improved if the parties work on it, healthy marriages are the result of healthy individuals, and that specific examples and ideas are necessary. I agree!
The book is a fairly quick, light, fun read, but it packs a lot into a small space! I truly believe that Romans 1:20 applies to everything in this world. (For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.) Using this idea, the authors take a geographical tour of the Mediterranean area, documenting seven different relationship philosophies and characteristics of the region. They then take each idea, back it up with Scripture and provide practical ideas for application. God intends our marriages to be as beautiful, vibrant, and passionate as the world He has created, and the authors draw parallels from the people and geography of the area.
I gratefully received an eARC from the author, publisher, and NetGalley in exchange for my unbiased review.
This book is an unusual twist on marriage improvement. The book begins by making three assumptions: that any marriage can be improved if the parties work on it, healthy marriages are the result of healthy individuals, and that specific examples and ideas are necessary. I agree!
The book is a fairly quick, light, fun read, but it packs a lot into a small space! I truly believe that Romans 1:20 applies to everything in this world. (For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.) Using this idea, the authors take a geographical tour of the Mediterranean area, documenting seven different relationship philosophies and characteristics of the region. They then take each idea, back it up with Scripture and provide practical ideas for application. God intends our marriages to be as beautiful, vibrant, and passionate as the world He has created, and the authors draw parallels from the people and geography of the area.
I gratefully received an eARC from the author, publisher, and NetGalley in exchange for my unbiased review.
April 14, 2017
I really like this and you can use some of these skills with any relationship. It's not the run of the mill recipe directly from each country but it is helpful.
Read the full review here: http://viabella-thebeautifullife.blog...
Read the full review here: http://viabella-thebeautifullife.blog...
April 23, 2017
I got the opportunity to read this lovely book early before it's release date and how blessed I was to get to do that! What a beautiful book this is.
I will be recommending it to everyone I know- married or single, young or old- it is definitely for all ages and any stage of life concerning any type of relationship. This book can spice up any relationship and the advice in it is on track with biblical views which makes it fill your heart with so much love thinking about the new found love two people have the ability to share. My husband and I just recently became marriage mentors so we will be giving this book and talking about it for sure with our young couples that we will be mentoring, I can't imagine anything that could give them better advice than this book. I loved it so much that I asked my husband if I could read it out loud to him as we were traveling on vacation starting with Chapter 5 and we ended together at the end of the book with Chapter 8. I t gave us great discussion time during the reading time and after. I must say I am one of the lucky girls out there with a husband much like the passionate described Mediterranean men in the book which is quite the blessing. My husband and I already apply much of the recommended advice in the book but we did take away some new great ideas to make our love life even fuller. I really do recommend reading this book together as a couple due to the absolutely awesome discussion that will happen, make time to do that if possible- it would be so worth it!
I will be recommending it to everyone I know- married or single, young or old- it is definitely for all ages and any stage of life concerning any type of relationship. This book can spice up any relationship and the advice in it is on track with biblical views which makes it fill your heart with so much love thinking about the new found love two people have the ability to share. My husband and I just recently became marriage mentors so we will be giving this book and talking about it for sure with our young couples that we will be mentoring, I can't imagine anything that could give them better advice than this book. I loved it so much that I asked my husband if I could read it out loud to him as we were traveling on vacation starting with Chapter 5 and we ended together at the end of the book with Chapter 8. I t gave us great discussion time during the reading time and after. I must say I am one of the lucky girls out there with a husband much like the passionate described Mediterranean men in the book which is quite the blessing. My husband and I already apply much of the recommended advice in the book but we did take away some new great ideas to make our love life even fuller. I really do recommend reading this book together as a couple due to the absolutely awesome discussion that will happen, make time to do that if possible- it would be so worth it!
April 27, 2017
[Note: This book was provided free of charge by BookLook/Zondervan. All thoughts and opinions are my own.]
Being a person of generally northern and western European ancestry with a certain tragic tendency to combine intense romanticism and passion with extreme awkwardness and glacial emotional restraint, from time to time I find myself reading about the history and culture of the Mediterranean [1]. If you've heard of the Mediterranean diet, which this book references on numerous occasions, you're familiar with the routine of busy and uptight Americans visiting the Mediterranean, falling in love with the culture there, and coming back to make their fellow uptight Americans feel guilty about being in so much of a hurry all the time. This book follows precisely that thread, at least when seen through somewhat critical eyes. One of the great mysteries of this book is why three writers were necessary--apparently the husband and wife team, whom I have never heard of before, were famous enough people that it was thought worthwhile for them to have an additional co-writer because they could not write this book on their own given their own extensive travels. They were likely, ironically enough, either too busy or not talented enough to write this book on their own.
That is not to say that this is any way a bad book, although as a single man this book is immensely depressing on a variety of levels. In a little bit less than two hundred pages the authors discuss what they view as seven secrets that they take from a variety of Mediterranean places: Italy, Spain, France, Greece, and Israel, although perhaps not surprisingly not Turkey, Cyprus, Syria, or Lebanon, or North Africa. The secrets are as follows: be attuned to your partner through touch and time, be playful, savor food and not eat it like a Hoover vac, enjoy beauty, be creative, live a healthy life of moderation and exercise, blend the sacred and sexual by being responsible but keeping a hint of the forbidden in one's life. At least some of these come fairly naturally to me, although not in the way that this book is aimed at. What makes this book particularly frustrating is the framing of it. The authors assume that the choices the readers are facing is between the boring monotony of an unexciting marriage or a grande amorè with one's husband or wife. For some readers, boring monotony would be a step up from the crushing weight of frustrated longings. Even when the authors talk, as they frequently do, about their lack of interest in encouraging others to engage in casual affairs and empty relationships, the authors assume that the reader does not have any problems in forming intimate relationships to begin with [2].
Ultimately, this book is aimed at more or less "normal" people who have both a sense of moral decency in desiring to be monogamous but are looking for spark in their marriage after some years or decades of being married. If you're in a marriage with someone who is fundamentally decent but may often strike you as somewhat boring and dull and monotonous, this would likely be a helpful book that would encourage those who are willing to add a bit of spark back into a relationship that has gone a bit stale to take the time and develop habits that make people more interesting and more interested. The authors take a few swipes, whether warranted or not, at our busy cultures and make some broad and sweeping generalizations about which nations are good lovers or bad lovers. (Somehow Germans, Americans, and the English are bad lovers and Canadians are good lovers, but the authors choose not to explain why. It might be entertaining to read a book on the Canadian love plan, which would probably involve a lot of politeness and maybe a bit of hockey.) If this is not a bad book, this is not a book for everyone. The authors assume that the reader is competent enough at intimacy to be able to have gotten into a good marriage and merely need some help and encouragement in how to make it better. Some of us, clearly, are not.
[1] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2015...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
[2] Notably, the few times the authors address those who struggle with intimacy, their comments are less than particularly helpful:
"Deeply ingrained personality disorders (such as borderline or narcissistic personality disorder) or Asperger's syndrome or a mental illness (such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia) can also be serious challenges or even roadblocks to a passionate, intimate marriage. Past sexual abuse may need to be handled with tender loving care and the guidance of experts who understand the unique path required for recovery.
Being a person of generally northern and western European ancestry with a certain tragic tendency to combine intense romanticism and passion with extreme awkwardness and glacial emotional restraint, from time to time I find myself reading about the history and culture of the Mediterranean [1]. If you've heard of the Mediterranean diet, which this book references on numerous occasions, you're familiar with the routine of busy and uptight Americans visiting the Mediterranean, falling in love with the culture there, and coming back to make their fellow uptight Americans feel guilty about being in so much of a hurry all the time. This book follows precisely that thread, at least when seen through somewhat critical eyes. One of the great mysteries of this book is why three writers were necessary--apparently the husband and wife team, whom I have never heard of before, were famous enough people that it was thought worthwhile for them to have an additional co-writer because they could not write this book on their own given their own extensive travels. They were likely, ironically enough, either too busy or not talented enough to write this book on their own.
That is not to say that this is any way a bad book, although as a single man this book is immensely depressing on a variety of levels. In a little bit less than two hundred pages the authors discuss what they view as seven secrets that they take from a variety of Mediterranean places: Italy, Spain, France, Greece, and Israel, although perhaps not surprisingly not Turkey, Cyprus, Syria, or Lebanon, or North Africa. The secrets are as follows: be attuned to your partner through touch and time, be playful, savor food and not eat it like a Hoover vac, enjoy beauty, be creative, live a healthy life of moderation and exercise, blend the sacred and sexual by being responsible but keeping a hint of the forbidden in one's life. At least some of these come fairly naturally to me, although not in the way that this book is aimed at. What makes this book particularly frustrating is the framing of it. The authors assume that the choices the readers are facing is between the boring monotony of an unexciting marriage or a grande amorè with one's husband or wife. For some readers, boring monotony would be a step up from the crushing weight of frustrated longings. Even when the authors talk, as they frequently do, about their lack of interest in encouraging others to engage in casual affairs and empty relationships, the authors assume that the reader does not have any problems in forming intimate relationships to begin with [2].
Ultimately, this book is aimed at more or less "normal" people who have both a sense of moral decency in desiring to be monogamous but are looking for spark in their marriage after some years or decades of being married. If you're in a marriage with someone who is fundamentally decent but may often strike you as somewhat boring and dull and monotonous, this would likely be a helpful book that would encourage those who are willing to add a bit of spark back into a relationship that has gone a bit stale to take the time and develop habits that make people more interesting and more interested. The authors take a few swipes, whether warranted or not, at our busy cultures and make some broad and sweeping generalizations about which nations are good lovers or bad lovers. (Somehow Germans, Americans, and the English are bad lovers and Canadians are good lovers, but the authors choose not to explain why. It might be entertaining to read a book on the Canadian love plan, which would probably involve a lot of politeness and maybe a bit of hockey.) If this is not a bad book, this is not a book for everyone. The authors assume that the reader is competent enough at intimacy to be able to have gotten into a good marriage and merely need some help and encouragement in how to make it better. Some of us, clearly, are not.
[1] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2015...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
[2] Notably, the few times the authors address those who struggle with intimacy, their comments are less than particularly helpful:
"Deeply ingrained personality disorders (such as borderline or narcissistic personality disorder) or Asperger's syndrome or a mental illness (such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia) can also be serious challenges or even roadblocks to a passionate, intimate marriage. Past sexual abuse may need to be handled with tender loving care and the guidance of experts who understand the unique path required for recovery.
April 29, 2017
This book is a super unique way of looking at marriage, which is awesome and I love the culture behind this book as well as the Mediterranean love plan behind this book. You'll also love how although the author is ADHD, he admits, he talks openly about it and he doesn't shy away from in this book talking that as a counselor he cannot fix your marriage. For a marriage to work, two people have to be committed to making it work. The seven secrets he believes are the ingredients to a passionate marriage are playfulness, enjoying beauty, creativity, attunement, health and longevity, savoring food and blending sacred with sexual . After each chapter, he teaches the reader how to use each of these seven ingredients in their marriage. I found this book to refreshing and a great way to look at marriage. I loved this book. I give it 5/5 stars. A favorable review was not required and I want to thank the publishers for providing a complementary copy for review.
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