Liked: Whose Approval Are You Living For?

by Kari Kampakis

For many girls it starts early. The desire to be perfect. The need for approval. The longing for acceptance and being liked by a lot of people.

Thanks to social media, these desires now get channeled online. Girls can curate an image, build a following, and test-drive identities until they find one that draws attention and applause.

But in this quest to be liked and noticed, girls often fail to feel loved and known. The result is a generation of girls who hunger for real and authentic relationships - yet are unclear on how to create them. 

From popular blogger and bestselling author Kari Kampakis comes a powerful book for girls in the digital age. Designed to empower teens and tweens through the Christian faith, it's packed with godly wisdom and practical advice related to identity,friendships, social media, and a relationship with God.  

Topics covered include:

*Living for God's approval, not human approval;
*Cultivating a true identity;
*Using social media wisely;
*Building a positive reputation online;
*Spreading kindness, love, and compassion;
*Distinguishing online friends from real friends;
*Building deep connections that last;
*Handling rejection, criticism, and volatile emotions;
*Activating your Christian faith; and 
*Making an eternal difference, not a temporary splash.

For anyone exhausted by the quest to impress - and ready to rest in God's unconditional love - Liked is the answer. Written succinctly with thought-provoking questions, it's an ideal resource for a small group or youth group study, and a conversation-starter that will quickly unite mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends by speaking to the female heart.

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Nonfiction, Self Help, Middle Grade, Childrens

208 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2016

About the author

Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a blogger, author, speaker, and newspaper columnist from Birmingham, Alabama.

Her bestselling books, 10 ULTIMATE TRUTHS GIRLS SHOULD KNOW and LIKED: WHOSE APPROVAL ARE YOU LIVING FOR?, have been used widely across the country by teen youth groups and small groups to empower girls through faith.

Kari’s work has been featured on The Huffington Post, TODAY Parents, and other national outlets. She and her husband, Harry, have four daughters and a dog named Lola.

Learn more by visiting www.karikampakis.com or finding Kari on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.

Reviews

[Nathan Albright · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would like to state at the outset for all who are not aware of it already that this book is not directed to thirty-something bachelor guys in any way, shape or form. With its profusion of pink colors, hearts, and its relentless focus on the famewhoremongering tendencies of selfie-taking amateur instagram models and the relentless pressures on teenage girls, this is a book squarely aimed at teen girls and their moms. As is the case with books of this type [1], I am likely one of the few men who will dare to read it, but even so this is a book that I think will be of great use in encouraging the better angels of the natures of teen girls who feel the tension between the desire to follow God and to be obsessed by their follows and likes on social media, and I must admit that I know quite a few people who this book is squarely targeted at and who would likely find much to appreciate here, even if I am hardly the ideal person to recommend this book. And, for those of us who this book is not aimed at but who may happen to read it anyway, despite the insufferably girly graphic design of the book there is a lot that people in general can relate to here.

This book, which at under 200 pages is a pretty quick read that should be undemanding for its target audience, is squarely focused at presenting a stark contrast between aiming for temporary and empty success according to the world's standards and aiming at eternal success by seeking to become a daughter of God. This contrast is established through ten chapters that deal with different areas of concern to contemporary teen girls: identity, confidence, kindness, character, commitment, connection, wisdom, humility, courage, and direction. Each of the chapters begins with a vignette about a teen girl faced with some sort of ethical dilemma that shows the tension between maintaining popularity and developing godly character, contains a chapter that explores the biblical and relational issues at stake, and ends with half a dozen questions for the reader to answer about the chapter's subject material. For those who wish for additional space, there are lined pages at the back of the book for further writing, and besides the main material of the book there is a lengthy and appreciative acknowledgements section at the end and a short collection of endnotes for further reading, for those so inclined.

Will this book be appreciated by teen girls and their mothers? I am probably not the right person to ask, for a variety of reasons, but at least from my perspective, I could see a great deal of value in this book and did not see the author talking down to her audience or assuming that they did not need to know the reasons why parents and other adults behave as they do and seek to encourage certain behaviors and discourage others. This is the sort of book that is easy to appreciate and would be one I would wholeheartedly recommend to read for those young women who want to follow God and are aware of the pressures faced to be popular and conform to a corrupt youth culture. Sometimes all of us, regardless of age or gender or any other factor, need to be reminded that we are loved by God and accepted by God even on our worst days. Sometimes it is hard for all of us to remember that in the face of feeling as we are invisible and rejected and that our lives are going to waste and that the best years of our lives have nothing worthwhile to show for them.

[1] See, for example:

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2015...

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2013...

[Dianna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I absolutely enjoy finding books that help girls deal with life. As a mom of three girls it’s refreshing to see that there are good books that have Biblical values and can help mom’s and dad’s raise their daughters to be confident in who God made them to be. It’s also a benefit when these materials offer encouragement in matters that today’s girls struggle with day in and day out. When you find those kinds of resources you want to share the word with all those who have daughters.

This book is one that I believe is a huge asset to girls for today. Kari Kampakis writes this book in a fun way where your daughter can read one chapter a day. It can be used in their own personal study time or within a group setting. She starts each chapter off with a story of a girl and what they are dealing with, she then goes into what God says about the issue. She writes it in a way that encourages you to be better than what you are. She concludes each chapter with discussion questions and if you are using this book on your own you can use these questions to journal your answers.

I felt this book is a much needed resource for tween girls today. Especially, in our social media addicted world. Girls always struggle with relationships and wanting to be liked. I mean, doesn’t all girls, regardless of their age? As I was reading this book through, I felt this book can also be a benefit to the teen girl not just the preteen or tween. In fact, even some adults should probably read this book. I was actually blessed by what she wrote. It was encouraging to remember that we don’t need “likes” on social media to matter. We matter to God no matter what we do or don’t do. Not matter how many “friends” we have on Facebook or “likes” we get on Instagram.

If you have a daughter you should invest in this book.

[Diane Estrella · Rating 4 out of 5]

My 16 year old daughter's review:

With its ample stories and events that describe the life of being a tween/teenage girl in this day and age, Liked is a helpful and encouraging book that teaches young women about how they should see themselves and others while staying true to who they are. It's extremely easy to read with its positive tales and even some interesting quizzes that lead to a further insight on who the reader is and who they should be. While this book was made primarily for girls I feel like anyone could read this and come away with a better understanding of themselves. Overall, the book is supportive and hopeful, providing us with a more Godly view on our lives concerning social media and the topic of 'approval'.

I have passed this book on to another teen friend of mine and think it is a good resource to get you thinking on this subject.

I received this book from the publisher but was not required to leave a review. All opinions expressed here are my own.

[nhi · Rating 4 out of 5]

*4.5
As a teenage girl reading this, I found this book super helpful. There was so much great advice about overcoming challenges and social media while keeping your faith in God.

[Kasey Giard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in part because my daughter is reaching the age where she wants to have social media profiles to connect with her friends, and I wanted to find some resources that outlined helpful strategies about how to do this safely and with as little drama as possible. This book really delivered.

Though it's aimed at girls and doesn't include direct parent resources, it's informative yet gentle and encouraging. Kampakis talks a lot about dealing with issues of insecurity and pursuing godliness. She connects both to behavior via social media and offers a lot of practical, helpful wisdom for what to do/not do in online profiles and how to avoid some of the pitfalls that can come from placing too much value in an online presence.

My daughter is really excited about reading this book, and I'm thrilled that I can give it to her with full confidence in the message and the way it's crafted. Definitely worth adding to your Christian Living book arsenal.

Note: I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Mazzou B · Rating 4 out of 5]

''The deep ache inside of you that often masquerades as a desire for more friends, more attention, more invitations, or more acceptance is really an ache for God.'' -Liked: Whose Approval Are You Living For?

I had previously read the author's book 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know, so was excited about this new publication. In fact, I think this book is even better than the author's first. Incredibly relevant to today's culture, this book uses the world of social media and relationships as examples to explain important truths. I was especially touched by this book because I too went through all the insecurity and feeling of rejection described in the chapters. I am sure most girls do experience the pain of rejection and feeling worthless. This book is solid, deep and full of loving words which will help teenage girls. It will help them (or you) get through hard points in relationships with people, times of discouragement over how God created you, and confusion about God's truths. There are so many answers in this easy-to-read book and I highly recommend it! I will admit that it is best for pre-teen, teens and college-age girls. At 25 I found the examples directed towards a younger audience. But it was definitely a helpful read, nevertheless. It caused me to reflect on the hurts of my teenage years and wish I had dealt with them more victoriously.

I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I "liked" this book from the get-go! Having two daughters myself, I understand the pressures of being liked and fitting in. As a blogger, I understand the pressures of social media, gaining followers, and numbers. I also tend to be somewhat of a people pleaser. Yet, many days can end up lonely, when we find our worth in people, numbers, or how well we are "liked".

This book focuses on the importance of helping girls find their value in their identity in Christ and cultivating face to face friendships over online ones. In an age where social media, status, and peers can define them, Kari helps them understand who God created them to be and how to define themselves by what truly matters. She shares wisdom concerning social media, what they should or should not be posting, and how that affects their image.

Kari writes in a personal, interactive, easy to read style that is on a tween and teen girl's level. She uses questions and answers and verses to zero in on the only thing that really matters, pleasing God and the status of their relationship with Him! She tells stories girls can relate to, to help get the point across, and addresses their fears and insecurities. At the end of each chapter are discussion questions to help girls get their facts and thoughts out in the open and formulate a plan.

I was impressed with this book, and can't wait to use it with my daughter. Since she is a younger tween, I will probably work through the book with her. Although she is not yet on social media, it will be a good foundation for the day she is. I would recommend working through the book with younger girls, but teens and older tweens will likely do well working through it themselves.

I am so thankful to the publisher and iconmedia group who provided me with a free copy of this book to review. I was not required to review positively and no other compensation was provided.

[Donna L Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Look all around you. Young girls are being bombarded with social messages to conform to a certain image and that pressure to conform is starting as soon as elementary school. Scantily dressed celebrities entice them to question their identities at an earlier age and the internet with all it's social sites are sometimes pressuring them into questionable behavior.

So where do parents turn when they want to help their young daughters make informed decisions about the choices they make?

That's where author, Kari Kampakis, steps in. Whether Christian or a follower of another religion, there are still nuggets of wisdom to be found inside LIKED. Chapters cover topics such as confidence, kindness, character, humility, courage, and direction.

Fictional stories and real life experiences, as well as guided question prompts at the end of each chapter, help young ladies (and their parents) relate to the material provided while giving guidelines on living a life with no regrets.

The main message running through Ms. Kampakis' book is for readers to pursue more face to face relationships, enabling strong personal growth, and to use caution when engaging in online conversations. While targeting tween and teenage girls, the ideas found in LIKED can readily be applied to any child struggling with self image and how to make the right choices in an ever changing world of expectations.

Definitely worth a concerned parent's time to check it out.

[Anni Welborne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Who doesn’t want to be liked? But for some, the desire to be liked or “liked” becomes an obsession…or even an idol. Social media has only compounded this desire and given even more outlets for exercising it. How many social media platforms are there now? I can’t keep up! This book addresses that desire in tween and teen girls, but truthfully, the lessons are true for anyone, whether in social media or in real life.

Kari Kampakis obviously understands tween/teen girls, and this shows clearly in her concise, clever, and straight-to-the-heart writing. I love how the she diagnoses that in striving so hard for approval, girls “often fail to feel loved and known.” Wow. So true. This book includes so many great chapters, some of which include the understanding of and importance of seeking God’s approval (instead of human approval), how to develop a true identity, how to use social media wisely, how to build a positive reputation online and in real life, discernment about real and online friends, how to handle volatile emotions and rejection, and how to “make an eternal difference, not a temporary splash.” There wasn’t one part of this book that didn’t make me want to cheer.

I highly recommend this book for moms to read with their daughters, for small groups, for just about anyone, really, even though it’s aimed at tween/teen girls. We all need help navigating society, and this book presents Biblical guidelines for doing so.

I gratefully received this eARC from the author, publisher, and NetGalley in exchange for my unbiased review.

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a complimentary copy of this book from Thomas Nelson through NetGalley. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.

This is a topic I have grown a passion for and invested a heavy amount of time in. I have been waiting for a book like this for young girls not only to teach the importance of Internet safety but to teach the importance of self worth and approval. Every adolescent child seeks approval from someone in order to feel value but in the end, all they need is approval from themselves in order to feel happy and content. With the wrath of cyber-bullying being heavily influenced on one's social life, it affects their lives at school and even at home. When one values themselves all is well in the world and not only their social life but their entire life will thrive even when times are tough.

We will consider adding this title to our Non-Fiction collection at our library. That is why we give this book 5 stars.

[Sakinah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Liked: Whose Approval Are You Living For? by Kari Kampakis

My rating: 3.0 / 5.0 stars

In this high-tech era where we are sometimes driven our life based on the desires to be perfect all the time while being online to get more likes, comments, followers and viewers which eventually tends to strip us off from our true-self.

Liked by Kari Kampakis is an empowering teen book that provides digital teenagers nowadays, practical advices related in giving you a way to find your true identity, work out true relationship/friendship, how to fully use the purpose of the social medias, and packed along with thought-provoking questions and religiously wisdom.

I have to say that despite our differences in faith and spiritual practice, this is such a lovely read that consistently reminds us of a greater thing and purpose in life, that is, seeking the grace and approval of the Almighty.

[Cat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not my sort of book really, but Christians will find it useful for dealing with self esteem issues. I think the social media is a disaster when it comes to young kids and teens. Get the kids off the computers and ship them outdoors to play with kids around the neighborhood! I'm beginning to see kids with NO connections to other kids or adults. Dangerous times, folks. Kids really have no business on social media. maybe God will provide some help for the Christian kids with engaged adults in their lived. Pity all the rest of the kids....
So sad that computers have taken over as parents, friends, etc. and people turn to them for everything it seems. Pathetic.

I received a Kindle arc from Netgalley in exchange for a fair review.

[Jonna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listened to the audio version to screen it for my daughters (11 and 9). The eleven year old is in middle school and is just starting to be exposed to social media influences. We've kept her out of that world so far, but we know the time is coming. This will be required listening or reading for both girls before getting any accounts. Nothing mind-blowing here for adults, but for a young girl, I think this is a great read to present the responsibilities associated with managing your online image and the importance of maintaining a perspective that keeps God at the center of ALL of our relationships.

[Valerie McEnroe · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a must for christian mothers and their daughters. It talks about the negative influences in a teen girl's life. The trap girls fall into is looking to others to judge their self-worth. This happens when girls pick the wrong friends, try to maintain an image, or become dependent on social media likes. Instead, girls should practice kindness, be themselves, and be brave in the face of adversity. All of this becomes easier when girls leverage God's power through prayer. Highly recommend Christian mothers read this book while their girls are young so they can begin teaching them the ideas in the book.

[Megan Alger · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book for the first time when I was ten or twelve, and I wanted to read it again before I give it to my younger siblings. I feel that it has really good advice that is common sense (but even to me a super valuable reminder) about social media. The book is targeted for tweens just getting started on social media, but I still enjoyed reading it.

[Christy Chance · Rating 5 out of 5]

I initially read this book to share with my tweenage daughter, but I found it so timely and appropriate for my own life circumstances, too. I practically highlighted every page, so many juicy nuggets of truth! In a broken world obsessed with what society thinks, this is the perfect antidote.

[Amy Jayasuriya · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this with my daughters in the mornings as part of our devotions. It gave them a lot to think about and really hits on a lot of topics of our modern day. It would have been even better had we read it 4 or 5 years ago when they were tweens.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super empowering and great for all girls of any age

[Tina Queary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great study for my teenage girls discipleship group.

[Inna Sukhinina · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was not what I thought it would be. It didn’t really teach my daughter anything and she could only relate to like two of the chapters!

[Brenda Seefeldt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Liked this one better than her first one. This is a great read for all Christian teen girls.

[Naomi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good but geared towards a younger teen not older which I am

[Jehan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful wisdom as we prepare to navigate the world of social media - the perfect guidebook to read with my almost 14 year old daughter.

[Cindy aka "The Book Fairy" · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful and wise readings for teen girls :)

[Rylee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Provides Biblical solutions to issues that girls face.

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

We all want to be liked. God made us to live in community and to need friends. But what about when our desire to be liked takes our eyes off of God? Kampakis challenges us to consider if we care more about what our friends think about us than what God knows about us.

She reminds us that the only audience that really matters is God. He is the One who loves us just the way we are. Our deepest desire to be known and loved can only be fulfilled by God.

Kampakis has good teaching for us, helping us understand the art of friendship, our identity in Christ, and making God our top priority. She helps us understand our search for identity and how finding it in Jesus is better than trying to find it through people. She gives good suggestions as to how to cultivate one's real self. She reminds us of the importance of developing a godly character and what it means to have positive social media habits. She distinguishes between social friends and real friends, the ones worth our time and effort.

I really like her emphasis on physically connecting with friends as opposed to “friends” on social media. She provides good suggestions for deepening friendships. I also like her insights on dealing with emotions, having humility, growing in faith, having courage to be the person God created me to be, and living a life that pleases God.

Kampakis uses both fictional stories and real life experiences to illustrate her teaching. She has also included discussion questions at the end of each chapter.

I recommend this book to teens and those working with them. While people of all ages could benefit from the teaching in this book, the illustrations and writing style are aimed at teens and perhaps young career age. It would be a good book for a teen study or reading group.

I received a complimentary copy of this book through Icon Media. My comments are an independent and honest review.

[JoJo Sutis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is a necessary book for moms and daughters. Our girls are growing up in a completely different world than we did and we must prepare ourselves to better understand and help our girls deal with th various pressures they will experience.

I currently teach a PreTeen/Teen Girls Bible Study at my church and am always on the lookout for great resources to grow as a leader and to help reach my girls with. Liked is one of those books that should be required reading for anyone working with girls in ministry. It really helps to have this guide to help me better understand the realm of social media and the impact it is having on our girls.

I am also currently expecting my first girl and it is reassuring to know that there are resources like Liked out there to encourage and help parents navigate through the world of PreTeen/Teen girls. Don’t miss this one!!!

[Kamryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

(Self book so no review :) )

[Jennifer Lane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I used this book to prepare Sunday school lessons for our youth girls class. Social media is such a big part of kidS' lives. The discussions were very needed. The chapter on identity was definitely the strongest. We had a really great lesson around kindness as well. The questions at the end of the chapter were well thought out.

[Via Bella · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really liked this book and feel people of all ages can get something from it (even if written primarily for teens. Read the full review here http://bit.ly/likedbook