A Portrait of an Idiot as a Young Man: Part memoir, part explanation as to why men are so rubbish

by Jon Holmes

When Jon Holmes became a father (twice), he was asked to fill in a form detailing his family medical history. Except he couldn't, because he has no idea who his family are. Born to an unnamed, unmarried mother and an unknown father and given up for adoption at four weeks old, Jon decided to document his own history, so that one day he could pass it on to his children.

It's a story of how boys grow up to become (stupid) men, of sexual misadventure, of being accidentally shot in the face, of spiders, a ghost, a fatally injured gerbil, American road trips that went wrong, becoming inadvertently locked in Graham Norton's toilet with an Oscar nominated screenwriter, being removed from Mrs Thatcher's vicinity by her security detail and having loving parents who did their best to bring up a child that wasn't theirs.

Part memoir, part hilarious insight into why men are so inept, this is the true story of how an unwanted baby in the Midlands went on to become a wanted man in the state of Texas, and everything that happened in between.

His children will never be allowed to read it.

Genres: Nonfiction

320 pages, Paperback

First published September 15, 2015

Reviews

[Simon Parsons · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book, it is very funny and touching (in every meaning of the world). Jon Holmes has my sense of humour.

[James · Rating 3 out of 5]

Once again, I wonder whether this memoir is more than just a trawl of someone's childhood and young adulthood for some amusing anecdotes and conclude no, and question why I bothered. The writing was actually quite good and Holmes was funny, but there was little that was particularly novel.

Considering that the 'explanation as to why men are so rubbish' component was actually part of the title, I was expecting more in the way of thoughts on 'men'; instead this seems to be reduced to a straw poll of his mates who agree they'd have looked down a nurse's top while their wife was giving birth in the first chapter, and nothing else after.

In some ways, this was refreshing in that a BBC-type figure wasn't trying to excuse selfish behaviour by agreeing we need to combat toxic masculinity (Robert Webb and Grayson Perry, I'm looking at you) but this wasn't an alternative take - there was no take on it whatsoever. Instead we have assorted scrapes, fumbles and messing about with his mates. Sometimes these are inherently funny and sometimes Holmes' writing itself brings a smile, but there are only so many near-fights and drunken antics that I will actually find engaging, and most people will either be puritanically horrified or look at this with a shrug (with perhaps a few LADs who would find it hilarious, but which of them would read a book in their leisure time?). His footnotes are also quite annoying, with too many jokes along the lines of 'he looked like X in Y (despite Y not being released at that time!!!!)'

So in the end it's another book in which a well-known figure describes a normal childhood and youth, and while the nicknames and capers might be unique, the overall tone could be found elsewhere on the biography shelves. Unless you are a Holmes superfan, I wouldn't make an effort to read this.

[Steve Gillway · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the last part of this as it felt more interesting and less forced. A lot of the book is based around childhood. Is it just me, but I don't really remember the "antics" we has at primary school. For comedians this is quite a tired well covered aspect. Also, all the footnotes and similes to cult films like The Exorcist are a bit wearing. But I got through to the American road trip and this was worth it.

[Mr.Simon M.Hawkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good read and funny too.

I've been struggling to find a book to keep my attention during lockdown, but Jon's anecdotal selective autobiography did the job a treat.A bit rude,but I really laughed out loud, which I don't really do.You may know Jon from radio comedy like The Now Show,and lots of appearances on Radio 4 extra.

[Jen Lindley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Expertly written, brilliantly funny and moving.

[Ian · Rating 3 out of 5]

Could have done without all the footnotes.

[Joanne Parkington · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny .. in a mostly cringeworthy way! A good read

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny. Very childish but very funny. If you don't like bad language and stories with way too much information this is not the book for you.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of funny anecdotes. Was interested in this book because the author is adopted like me.

[Asher · Rating 5 out of 5]

The funniest book I have ever read omg

[Matthew Eyre · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dismal. I'd never heard of him before, this was just a blind library pick. However he was part of Radio 4's The Now Show, which is pitifully weak. This self deprecating style takes a certain sort of writer to pull off, and Holmes is not not he. Just terrible