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Forgiving My Daughter's Killer: A True Story of Loss, Faith, and Unexpected Grace
Forgiveness is possible even in impossible circumstances.
On March 28, 2010, Kate and Andy Grosmaire received two pieces of news that would change their lives forever.
The first was their worst "Ann has been shot."
And the second was the dumbfounding "Conor was the one who shot her."
Their nineteen-year-old daughter had been killed by her boyfriend, a young man who had lived with the family and had come to feel like part of it.
In a beautiful, tragic testament to the liberating power of forgiveness, Kate Grosmaire tells the story of her daughter's murder at the hand of her boyfriend--and the stunning, deliberate forgiveness and help that Kate and her husband offered to the young man who shattered their world.
Part memoir, part spiritual testimony, Forgiving My Daughter's Killer is the story of a family whose faith was put to the test and so found the capacity to do far more than they could have thought or imagined.
On March 28, 2010, Kate and Andy Grosmaire received two pieces of news that would change their lives forever.
The first was their worst "Ann has been shot."
And the second was the dumbfounding "Conor was the one who shot her."
Their nineteen-year-old daughter had been killed by her boyfriend, a young man who had lived with the family and had come to feel like part of it.
In a beautiful, tragic testament to the liberating power of forgiveness, Kate Grosmaire tells the story of her daughter's murder at the hand of her boyfriend--and the stunning, deliberate forgiveness and help that Kate and her husband offered to the young man who shattered their world.
Part memoir, part spiritual testimony, Forgiving My Daughter's Killer is the story of a family whose faith was put to the test and so found the capacity to do far more than they could have thought or imagined.
225 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 15, 2016
6 people are currently reading
215 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews
July 22, 2016
I seem to be in the minority here, but this book didn't sit well with me. At all. I consider myself a good person and I'm all about forgiveness, but this was just too much for me.
This book was about the murder of nineteen year old Ann Grosmaire by her boyfriend, Conor. The book was written by Ann's mother. She describes forgiving Conor within days after he shot her daughter, even before her eventual death. What's disturbing is how quickly she forgave him--there's no "why did he kill her, what went wrong, how could he?" None of that. Just, boom, we forgive him now, that's all over and we will not judge him on one moment of his life. One moment where he KILLED THEIR DAUGHTER! It seems that they are either in denial or disingenuous and, either way, it feels tremendously disloyal to their daughter. All the emotions and the reality of their daughter being murdered seem extremely whitewashed.
As she states in the book:
"There’s no way to understand a person’s essence by judging one moment of his life. If we defined Conor only as a murderer, that would mean defining my daughter only as a murder victim. If I left him in that place, I was leaving her in that place too. I refused to leave Ann there."
I think it's clear that the author might be in a bit of denial, huge denial. Conor IS a murderer and her daughter IS a murder victim; that's the ugly truth of the situation. He will always be a murderer and she will always be a murder victim, plain and simple.
In the book, Ann's parents advocated for something called restorative justice--where they'd meet with Conor (although they'd already been visiting him regularly) and he'd explain and answer any questions, and the parents would recommend what his sentence should be. The "restorative justice" aspect tends to fall a little shy of true justice, in my opinion. It seems more about making the victim's family and perpetrator come together and feel better, but justice is much more than that. Initially, Ann's mother recommended that he serve only five years! Thankfully, the state had final say and he was sentenced to twenty years plus ten years of probation, which is still way too light a sentence, in my opinion.
I believe in forgiveness, but I also believe that true forgiveness is not as simple as presented in this account.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this in exchange for an honest review.
This book was about the murder of nineteen year old Ann Grosmaire by her boyfriend, Conor. The book was written by Ann's mother. She describes forgiving Conor within days after he shot her daughter, even before her eventual death. What's disturbing is how quickly she forgave him--there's no "why did he kill her, what went wrong, how could he?" None of that. Just, boom, we forgive him now, that's all over and we will not judge him on one moment of his life. One moment where he KILLED THEIR DAUGHTER! It seems that they are either in denial or disingenuous and, either way, it feels tremendously disloyal to their daughter. All the emotions and the reality of their daughter being murdered seem extremely whitewashed.
As she states in the book:
"There’s no way to understand a person’s essence by judging one moment of his life. If we defined Conor only as a murderer, that would mean defining my daughter only as a murder victim. If I left him in that place, I was leaving her in that place too. I refused to leave Ann there."
I think it's clear that the author might be in a bit of denial, huge denial. Conor IS a murderer and her daughter IS a murder victim; that's the ugly truth of the situation. He will always be a murderer and she will always be a murder victim, plain and simple.
In the book, Ann's parents advocated for something called restorative justice--where they'd meet with Conor (although they'd already been visiting him regularly) and he'd explain and answer any questions, and the parents would recommend what his sentence should be. The "restorative justice" aspect tends to fall a little shy of true justice, in my opinion. It seems more about making the victim's family and perpetrator come together and feel better, but justice is much more than that. Initially, Ann's mother recommended that he serve only five years! Thankfully, the state had final say and he was sentenced to twenty years plus ten years of probation, which is still way too light a sentence, in my opinion.
I believe in forgiveness, but I also believe that true forgiveness is not as simple as presented in this account.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this in exchange for an honest review.
May 22, 2017
This was tough to read yet at the same time a very well-written and timely book. It was just so gut-wrenching reading what it was like for Kate and Andy Grosmaire. I thank goodness for their wonderful faith, friends, and church family getting them through such a time. What a moving story, I learned a lot from it on many levels. I also cried until I ended up with a migraine, which is why I have to limit this kind of book at times in my reading pile. It's a very worthwhile read that I highly recommend that says a lot about forgiveness. My thanks to NetGalley, Nelson Books, and the author for providing me with an ARC for review.
March 25, 2016
A heartwarming example of the true power of forgiveness.
June 30, 2016
I finished this book much faster than I expected. I opened it up mainly so I could use it for a Teaser Tuesday, but the next thing I knew, I was done with the book.
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer is, like it's title says, about forgiveness. Kate's daughter Ann was killed by her boyfriend, and the book is about how she and her husband coped with her death, eventually ending in them seeking for restorative justice.
I have to say, Kate and her husband Andy have much bigger hearts than I do. They forgave Ann's killer, Connor, almost at once. There was very little of that "he must pay for what he did" type of rage that most people would feel. This is probably a result of them practicing forgiveness every day. So the lesson is: don't hold small grudges. It makes it harder to forgive the big ones.
And I think the concept of restorative justice is very interesting. According to the book, restorative justice is based on three principles:
1. Crime is a violation of people and interpersonal relationships
2. Violations create obligations on the part of the offender
3. The central obligation is the right the wrongs.
Of course, this is dependent on the criminal to realise that he's done wrong - if he thinks that what he does is right, restorative justice is not going to have an effect.
I really liked this book. While I hope never to have to experience that kind of tragedy (and I hope no one ever does), her message of continually practicing forgiveness is one that I really should be taking to heart. She and her family is living proof that it's healthier to forgive than to hold a grudge.
Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for a free and honest review.
This review was first posted at Inside the mind of a Bibliophile
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer is, like it's title says, about forgiveness. Kate's daughter Ann was killed by her boyfriend, and the book is about how she and her husband coped with her death, eventually ending in them seeking for restorative justice.
I have to say, Kate and her husband Andy have much bigger hearts than I do. They forgave Ann's killer, Connor, almost at once. There was very little of that "he must pay for what he did" type of rage that most people would feel. This is probably a result of them practicing forgiveness every day. So the lesson is: don't hold small grudges. It makes it harder to forgive the big ones.
And I think the concept of restorative justice is very interesting. According to the book, restorative justice is based on three principles:
1. Crime is a violation of people and interpersonal relationships
2. Violations create obligations on the part of the offender
3. The central obligation is the right the wrongs.
Of course, this is dependent on the criminal to realise that he's done wrong - if he thinks that what he does is right, restorative justice is not going to have an effect.
I really liked this book. While I hope never to have to experience that kind of tragedy (and I hope no one ever does), her message of continually practicing forgiveness is one that I really should be taking to heart. She and her family is living proof that it's healthier to forgive than to hold a grudge.
Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for a free and honest review.
This review was first posted at Inside the mind of a Bibliophile
August 30, 2016
I am deeply touched that this mom was able to tell this story. What amazing courage it must have taken!
I was glad I ordered this book. It gave me a lot of insights into the emotional roller coaster people ride when facing this kind of tragedy. I can't imagine anything worse. I appreciate the candor and courage this story pours all over the reader.
The story is gripping, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. I am not a fan of flashbacks and this book is nothing but flashbacks. First, we're here and then we're there, and it is so exhausting trying to keep up.
Note to editors: Please, please guide your authors to tell their stories with fewer plot ploys and more good story telling. There's no need to go back and forth with no transitions just jerking the reader from one place to the next. Transitions would have made this read a lot more bearable!
I was glad I ordered this book. It gave me a lot of insights into the emotional roller coaster people ride when facing this kind of tragedy. I can't imagine anything worse. I appreciate the candor and courage this story pours all over the reader.
The story is gripping, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. I am not a fan of flashbacks and this book is nothing but flashbacks. First, we're here and then we're there, and it is so exhausting trying to keep up.
Note to editors: Please, please guide your authors to tell their stories with fewer plot ploys and more good story telling. There's no need to go back and forth with no transitions just jerking the reader from one place to the next. Transitions would have made this read a lot more bearable!
June 7, 2017
A poignant and thought-provoking book that plants the seeds of the restorative justice process and honors a daughters memory through forgiveness.
SUMMARY
The ring of a doorbell on that last Sunday in March changed Kate and Andy Grosmaire faith-filled life forever. That was the day their beautiful daughter Ann, was shot by her boyfriend, Conner. Ann clung to life in the hospital for five days before she passed away. During those five days the Grosmaire family not only received, but also gave amazing grace. Remarkably, the Grosmaire's were able to forgive Conner for his action against Ann. Kate met with Connor four days after Ann was shot and told him that they loved him and forgave him.
"We don't define Connor by that one moment of his life. There's no way to understand a persons essence by judging one moment of his life. if we define Connor only as a murderer that would mean defining my daughter only as a murder victim."
After Ann's death, and as Conner's trial date approached the Grosmaire's decided to pursue restorative justice. In a typical criminal case, the the victim and the offender never personally interact. But this was different. They needed to talk to Conner. With restorative justice a facilitated meeting was held with Conner, his family, the Grosmaire's, the attorneys and a member of the community. Conner had to acknowledge that he killed Ann. The Grosmaire's told Conner the story of what Ann's loss meant to them. They had Conner answer questions about why he did it, and how it happened. The Grosmaire's identified what restitution they wanted to see Conner do in the future and recommend sentencing time frames for Conner. Restorative Justice is different because it allows for the Grosmaire to begin the healing process by being heard, and for Conner to truly understand the impact of his action that horrendous day in March.
"Ann was an incredible young woman, and I wasn't going to let one dark moment overshadow her life. I had to let go of anything that would hold me in that dark place-which meant forgiving Connor. Who would want to be defined for the rest of their life by the worst thing they ever did?"
REVIEW
This story is amazing! The Grosmaire family is amazing! If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I might have found it hard to believe, but I have known Kate and Andy through our church for several years. What parent can forgive someone who kills their child. An impossibility. But Kate and Andy found the strength and courage with Gods grace to move beyond one of the worst days of their life. Not only to move beyond, but to turn it into something positive for Ann's sake. This book eloquently documents the facts of that dark period
Kate's writing is impeccable. The book flows as fast as a river and is an inspiration to read. From the moment the doorbell rang I was sitting on the edge of my seat. Kate interjects just the right amount of emotion, fact, background, personal information and scripture.
The restorative justice portion of the book is extremely informative and thought-provoking. I was so sadden by the way the restorative justice meeting in this case was concluded. The State Attorney's Office total refusal to discuss Conner's sentence was abrupt and unnecessary and showed a lack of decorum and failure to buy-in to the process. Regardless, I hope, that this book will serve as motivation for moving restorative justice forward in Florida and elsewhere in the U.S.
Thanks to Net Galley, Thomas Nelson and Kate Grosmaire for a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.
March 26, 2016
A lot has been said and written about the power, significance, and virtue of forgiveness but how many of us could really embrace it in our everyday life? This book, written by Kate Grosemaire, explores the real potential of a human heart. Kate and Andy are an ordinary married couple. They have three beautiful daughters: Sarah, Allyson, and Ann. They are living an ordinary life. Sarah is married, Allyson is a senior at the University of Central Florida in Orlando, and Ann is a teenager. Ann is the only daughter who is living with Andy and Kate. She has a boyfriend, Conor. Right from the early days of their relationship, he has been like a part of Kate’s family. Nothing extraordinary is occurring in any of their lives until Kate and Andy receive a devastating news; Conor has shot Ann, she is struggling for her life in a hospital, and Conor has confessed his crime. As one can imagine, this news turns a lot of lives upside down. Kate, Andy, their daughters, Ann, Conor, and Conor’s parents are heartbroken by this ordeal. However, in this moment of intense trepidation, Kate and Andy decide to do something that sets them miles apart from every single victim of our generation. They decide to forgive Conor because they believe that this one moment should not define his whole personality. Nevertheless, forgiveness is not a moment’s realization, it is a process that takes its course. Andy and Kate are no saints; they are normal humans like you and me. The only difference is that they believe in the power of forgiveness and decide to forgive their own daughter’s killer.
The central idea of the book remained “forgiveness.” This is a non-fiction, which eliminates the need to discuss believability of characters, their thought process, and dialogues. However, there were a few bizarre moments for me. For instance, when Kate receives the news of Ann being shot by Conor, she asks Jesus to be with Ann; this was normal to me. However, then she prays for God to be with Conor, too, which was strange and incomprehensible for my tiny brain. I cannot find it in my heart to pray for the soul for the criminals who have killed those people who are unknown to me. Then, I wonder how did she find it in her heart to ask God to be with the person who attempted to kill her own daughter. Another bizarre moment was when Kate mentions that Andy sees a vision of Jesus lying in place of Ann; however, I believe that God has his own ways of astonishing and inspiring his devotees. This may be unusual to me, but I do not doubt any word she described.
Her instant decision to forgive Conor did not seem realistic to me, and for 9 chapters (the book consists of 20 chapters) I struggled to connect with her decision. I thought to myself, probably she loves Christianity more than her daughter. What else could describe her instant decision of forgiveness? But after 9th chapter, when she started describing her difficulty with her decision, she felt human to me. Her description of forgiveness as a process helped me in connecting with her situation. Her reminiscences of Ann are both beautiful and saddening. Other than her journey of forgiving her daughter’s killer, she writes about her past ordeals, marital problems, and other difficulties, which helped me — as a reader — in connecting with her in a more effective manner.
The story begins slowly but after a few chapters gains the necessary speed. Generally, I lose interest as soon as I know the climax of the story; however, this book is different. In the end, when she narrates how other families of victims took inspiration from their act of forgiveness, I found myself captured by the beauty of it. The book is written with a sole intention of delivering the message of forgiveness, and the author’s narration and writing style achieve it, flawlessly. Kate has presented various excerpts from the bible to make the readers acquainted with the virtue of forgiveness.
The most crushing part, for me, was the reaction of Andy when he heard the circumstances in which Conor shot Ann. Andy’s difficulty in accepting the fact that he could not protect her daughter is written to the perfection. I think that every father would be able to feel his pain.
In today’s world when people kill the person who causes a dent on their car, the thought of forgiving a murdered may sound out-of-the-world, but Andy and Kate achieved this. That’s why their story is both inspiring and out worldly. I found it difficult to absorb their decision. Having said that, I applaud their decision and what they achieved from it. There cannot be enough praises for them.
This book deserves 5 out of 5 stars. I would recommend it to the readers who believe in self-improvement, humanity, and forgiveness. I had picked this book out of curiosity. It was impossible for me to wrap my head around the idea of forgiving the murderer of your loved one, and I am glad that I read it.
The central idea of the book remained “forgiveness.” This is a non-fiction, which eliminates the need to discuss believability of characters, their thought process, and dialogues. However, there were a few bizarre moments for me. For instance, when Kate receives the news of Ann being shot by Conor, she asks Jesus to be with Ann; this was normal to me. However, then she prays for God to be with Conor, too, which was strange and incomprehensible for my tiny brain. I cannot find it in my heart to pray for the soul for the criminals who have killed those people who are unknown to me. Then, I wonder how did she find it in her heart to ask God to be with the person who attempted to kill her own daughter. Another bizarre moment was when Kate mentions that Andy sees a vision of Jesus lying in place of Ann; however, I believe that God has his own ways of astonishing and inspiring his devotees. This may be unusual to me, but I do not doubt any word she described.
Her instant decision to forgive Conor did not seem realistic to me, and for 9 chapters (the book consists of 20 chapters) I struggled to connect with her decision. I thought to myself, probably she loves Christianity more than her daughter. What else could describe her instant decision of forgiveness? But after 9th chapter, when she started describing her difficulty with her decision, she felt human to me. Her description of forgiveness as a process helped me in connecting with her situation. Her reminiscences of Ann are both beautiful and saddening. Other than her journey of forgiving her daughter’s killer, she writes about her past ordeals, marital problems, and other difficulties, which helped me — as a reader — in connecting with her in a more effective manner.
The story begins slowly but after a few chapters gains the necessary speed. Generally, I lose interest as soon as I know the climax of the story; however, this book is different. In the end, when she narrates how other families of victims took inspiration from their act of forgiveness, I found myself captured by the beauty of it. The book is written with a sole intention of delivering the message of forgiveness, and the author’s narration and writing style achieve it, flawlessly. Kate has presented various excerpts from the bible to make the readers acquainted with the virtue of forgiveness.
The most crushing part, for me, was the reaction of Andy when he heard the circumstances in which Conor shot Ann. Andy’s difficulty in accepting the fact that he could not protect her daughter is written to the perfection. I think that every father would be able to feel his pain.
In today’s world when people kill the person who causes a dent on their car, the thought of forgiving a murdered may sound out-of-the-world, but Andy and Kate achieved this. That’s why their story is both inspiring and out worldly. I found it difficult to absorb their decision. Having said that, I applaud their decision and what they achieved from it. There cannot be enough praises for them.
This book deserves 5 out of 5 stars. I would recommend it to the readers who believe in self-improvement, humanity, and forgiveness. I had picked this book out of curiosity. It was impossible for me to wrap my head around the idea of forgiving the murderer of your loved one, and I am glad that I read it.
January 7, 2023
the story was fascinating and i greatly admire the parents for how they chose to handle the tragedy. but the book was really poorly written and i had a hard time staying interested in all the extra information added
April 1, 2016
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer by Kate Grosmarie - wow! What a powerful read about an extraordinary couple who not only read the scriptures but lived them. Kate and Andy Grosmarie are an ordinary couple with huge hearts for God and for people. They live out their faith.
When Kate and Andy's daughter Ann was shot by her boyfriend Conor, their ordinary day became the start of a living nightmare. Palm Sunday 2010 will be forever in their minds. As they journeyed to the hospital, Kate and Andy had no idea what awaited them.
The book written by Kate describes their feelings in the aftermath of the shooting, and the subsequent months. It is a journey of forgiveness. Forgiveness that began instantly as Kate prayed "and be with Conor too." Kate realised that not only did they and Ann need God, Conor needed Him too.
Kate Grosmarie describes the hospital room. In spite of the tragedy there were "glimpses of God." God was present with them. "I strongly felt God sharing in my grief." God is not a distant God. He shares our pain and our losses. God walks alongside us at all times.
The community rallied around the Grosmaries but they were not the only parents to lose a child that day. The McBrides lost their son Conor to prison but "as the McBrides were losing their son in a real way, they were being isolated by their community." The McBrides had no one to turn to so they turned to Andy and Kate. Only by God's grace was Kate able to connect with Michael (Conor's Dad). "God's grace moved me across the room, and my arms reached out and hugged him." There are times in life when we come to the end of ourselves and need God's strength to help us.
The book focuses on forgiveness as Kate recognised that anything less would enslave her. "I had to let go... of anything that would hold me in that dark place... which meant forgiving Conor." Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is not about letting the other person off. "Forgiveness is an emotional release for the forgiver." If we withhold forgiveness, healing cannot begin. Kate realised that "forgiveness isn't an event; it's a lifestyle." She had to choose to forgive. And she had to choose to forgive daily. She says that "forgiveness became less of a commandment... and more of a lifestyle... because we forgave, we didn't have to go to prison with Conor."
With this process of forgiveness came a new bond for Andy and Kate with both Conor and his parents. Kate decided that "we cannot define him (Conor) by that one moment." If they defined Conor as a 'murderer' then they would have to define Ann as a 'victim' and she was so much more than that. Palm Sunday 2010 was a tragic event that had far reaching consequences.
Kate Grosmarie writes about a process called restorative justice. It had never happened before in Tallassee but the Grosmaries and the McBrides pursued this route. They had to push for it to happen as they all felt that a trial was not the way forward.
At the end of the book there is a whole section on forgiveness - what it is and what it is not. There is also an interview with Conor.
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer was an incredibly powerful and emotional read. The Grosmaries are amazing. I do not know if I could have been as strong or as faithful and obedient as they were. Forgiving My Daughter's Killer is a very raw and honest read. It will make you think and it will make you examine your own faith. I can highly recommend it.
God bless you Andy and Kate. Thank you for sharing your story.
I received this book for free in exchange for a fair and honest review. No monetary compensation was received and all views expressed are my own.
When Kate and Andy's daughter Ann was shot by her boyfriend Conor, their ordinary day became the start of a living nightmare. Palm Sunday 2010 will be forever in their minds. As they journeyed to the hospital, Kate and Andy had no idea what awaited them.
The book written by Kate describes their feelings in the aftermath of the shooting, and the subsequent months. It is a journey of forgiveness. Forgiveness that began instantly as Kate prayed "and be with Conor too." Kate realised that not only did they and Ann need God, Conor needed Him too.
Kate Grosmarie describes the hospital room. In spite of the tragedy there were "glimpses of God." God was present with them. "I strongly felt God sharing in my grief." God is not a distant God. He shares our pain and our losses. God walks alongside us at all times.
The community rallied around the Grosmaries but they were not the only parents to lose a child that day. The McBrides lost their son Conor to prison but "as the McBrides were losing their son in a real way, they were being isolated by their community." The McBrides had no one to turn to so they turned to Andy and Kate. Only by God's grace was Kate able to connect with Michael (Conor's Dad). "God's grace moved me across the room, and my arms reached out and hugged him." There are times in life when we come to the end of ourselves and need God's strength to help us.
The book focuses on forgiveness as Kate recognised that anything less would enslave her. "I had to let go... of anything that would hold me in that dark place... which meant forgiving Conor." Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is not about letting the other person off. "Forgiveness is an emotional release for the forgiver." If we withhold forgiveness, healing cannot begin. Kate realised that "forgiveness isn't an event; it's a lifestyle." She had to choose to forgive. And she had to choose to forgive daily. She says that "forgiveness became less of a commandment... and more of a lifestyle... because we forgave, we didn't have to go to prison with Conor."
With this process of forgiveness came a new bond for Andy and Kate with both Conor and his parents. Kate decided that "we cannot define him (Conor) by that one moment." If they defined Conor as a 'murderer' then they would have to define Ann as a 'victim' and she was so much more than that. Palm Sunday 2010 was a tragic event that had far reaching consequences.
Kate Grosmarie writes about a process called restorative justice. It had never happened before in Tallassee but the Grosmaries and the McBrides pursued this route. They had to push for it to happen as they all felt that a trial was not the way forward.
At the end of the book there is a whole section on forgiveness - what it is and what it is not. There is also an interview with Conor.
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer was an incredibly powerful and emotional read. The Grosmaries are amazing. I do not know if I could have been as strong or as faithful and obedient as they were. Forgiving My Daughter's Killer is a very raw and honest read. It will make you think and it will make you examine your own faith. I can highly recommend it.
God bless you Andy and Kate. Thank you for sharing your story.
I received this book for free in exchange for a fair and honest review. No monetary compensation was received and all views expressed are my own.
April 14, 2016
About the Book
Forgiveness has less to do with the person who harmed you than you think.
On March 28, 2010, Kate and Andy Grosmaire received two pieces of news that would change their lives forever.
The first was their worst nightmare: “Ann has been shot.”
The second was the dumbfounding addendum: “Conor was the one who shot her.”
Their nineteen-year-old daughter had been killed by her boyfriend, a young man who had lived with the family and had come to feel like part of it.
In a beautiful, tragic testament to the liberating power of forgiveness, Kate Grosmaire finally tells the whole story of her daughter’s death at the hand of her boyfriend—and the stunning, deliberate forgiveness and help that Kate and her husband offered to the young man who shattered their world. That forgiveness meant not only telling him face-to-face that they forgave him but even working to reduce the time he would spend behind bars.
Part memoir, part spiritual testimony, Forgiving My Daughter’s Killer is the story of a family whose faith was put to the ultimate test and so found the capacity to do far more than they could have thought or imagined.
My Review
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer is the sad, tragic yet inspiring and redemptive true story of Kate and Andy Grosmaire worst nightmare. The death of their nineteen year old Ann Grosmaire. In late March 2010, Kate and her husband Andy got a phone call that would change their lives forever. Ann has been shot and even more shocking was the person who shot her. It was Conor, Ann's boyfriend. Conor, the guy who lived in their home for a time, the guy who became a big part of their family. He had shot her. He killed her. But even in the tragedy of this entire event there is inspiration and redemption. Kate and Andy forgave Conor. They forgave the very person who took the life of their daughter. In a world and society that would say, "Crucify him", Andy and Kate knew this wouldn't bring their daughter back and they knew forgiveness is what Ann and God would want. They forgave Conor and even more they still love him. This is strength and faith that is an example to us all, Christian and Secular alike.
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer is a must read.
Forgiveness has less to do with the person who harmed you than you think.
On March 28, 2010, Kate and Andy Grosmaire received two pieces of news that would change their lives forever.
The first was their worst nightmare: “Ann has been shot.”
The second was the dumbfounding addendum: “Conor was the one who shot her.”
Their nineteen-year-old daughter had been killed by her boyfriend, a young man who had lived with the family and had come to feel like part of it.
In a beautiful, tragic testament to the liberating power of forgiveness, Kate Grosmaire finally tells the whole story of her daughter’s death at the hand of her boyfriend—and the stunning, deliberate forgiveness and help that Kate and her husband offered to the young man who shattered their world. That forgiveness meant not only telling him face-to-face that they forgave him but even working to reduce the time he would spend behind bars.
Part memoir, part spiritual testimony, Forgiving My Daughter’s Killer is the story of a family whose faith was put to the ultimate test and so found the capacity to do far more than they could have thought or imagined.
My Review
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer is the sad, tragic yet inspiring and redemptive true story of Kate and Andy Grosmaire worst nightmare. The death of their nineteen year old Ann Grosmaire. In late March 2010, Kate and her husband Andy got a phone call that would change their lives forever. Ann has been shot and even more shocking was the person who shot her. It was Conor, Ann's boyfriend. Conor, the guy who lived in their home for a time, the guy who became a big part of their family. He had shot her. He killed her. But even in the tragedy of this entire event there is inspiration and redemption. Kate and Andy forgave Conor. They forgave the very person who took the life of their daughter. In a world and society that would say, "Crucify him", Andy and Kate knew this wouldn't bring their daughter back and they knew forgiveness is what Ann and God would want. They forgave Conor and even more they still love him. This is strength and faith that is an example to us all, Christian and Secular alike.
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer is a must read.
March 31, 2016
This book is the story of the Grosmaire family and the tragedy that they went through. Ann Grosmaire, the author's daughter, was shot and killed by her boyfriend, Conor, who had always been very close with the family. Immediately, the family began praying for Conor. The family visited Conor in prison, telling him that they forgave him. The Grosmaire's also worked with Conor and his family to reduce his prison sentence. They wanted him to use the time he would have spent in prison to do volunteering and work that Ann would have done had she survived, as they wanted his sentence and punishment to be meaningful.
To be honest, I wasn't sure how I was going to like a story about forgiveness. The people who write the books who were able to forgive someone who did something so awful always seem so strange and unrelatable. They seem like super-Christians without flaws who can forgive anything with no effort. However, that was not the case with this book. The author Kate Grosmaire pointed out many times that she often had a hot temper and had trouble forgiving people (usually her husband) for small disputes. However, she was still able to forgive Conor.
Kate also stated that forgiveness is a process, and not a single act. She wasn't able to forgive Conor immediately, but over time she was able to forgive completely with God's help.
She also said that forgiving someone isn't the same as pardoning what they did. She said, "Forgiveness is an emotional release for the forgiver." By forgiving Conor, Kate was able to get rid of the burden and hurt on herself, and in turn get a sense of peace. Of course, she was still greatly pained by the death of her daughter. But she didn't have the anger of hatred hanging over her. She showed that forgiveness is possible for everyone.
I found this book to be really interesting, and I enjoyed the way the story was told. It was organized really well, which can be uncommon in books that aren't written by professional writers.
I gave this book 4 out of 5 stars, and I would definitely recommend it.
*I received this book from the publishers through BookLook Bloggers in exchange for an honest review.
To be honest, I wasn't sure how I was going to like a story about forgiveness. The people who write the books who were able to forgive someone who did something so awful always seem so strange and unrelatable. They seem like super-Christians without flaws who can forgive anything with no effort. However, that was not the case with this book. The author Kate Grosmaire pointed out many times that she often had a hot temper and had trouble forgiving people (usually her husband) for small disputes. However, she was still able to forgive Conor.
Kate also stated that forgiveness is a process, and not a single act. She wasn't able to forgive Conor immediately, but over time she was able to forgive completely with God's help.
She also said that forgiving someone isn't the same as pardoning what they did. She said, "Forgiveness is an emotional release for the forgiver." By forgiving Conor, Kate was able to get rid of the burden and hurt on herself, and in turn get a sense of peace. Of course, she was still greatly pained by the death of her daughter. But she didn't have the anger of hatred hanging over her. She showed that forgiveness is possible for everyone.
I found this book to be really interesting, and I enjoyed the way the story was told. It was organized really well, which can be uncommon in books that aren't written by professional writers.
I gave this book 4 out of 5 stars, and I would definitely recommend it.
*I received this book from the publishers through BookLook Bloggers in exchange for an honest review.
April 6, 2016
Andy and Kate Grosmaire lived every parent’s nightmare when their daughter, Ann, was shot and killed by her boyfriend. They now had a choice to make. Do they live with hate towards her killer? Or do they choose forgiveness? This story follows Ann’s life and death and her family’s journey of forgiveness towards the young man that killed her.
This was an engaging story and a very emotional read. No parent ever wants to hear that their child has been hurt, let alone shot and killed. My heart just hurt to read what the Grosmaires went through. And to make matters worse, their daughter was killed by someone that was very close to their family. I found myself desperately wanting to know answers to questions I had. Was their forgiveness real? Did Conor kill Ann on accident?
The story starts with the Grosmaires first being informed of Ann’s shooting and follows their journey through the coming months and years afterwards. I wondered at first if their forgiveness could truly have been sincere, but as I continued reading, I realized that it was. They made a choice to forgive Conor McBride and that’s really what it all comes down to. They CHOSE forgiveness and they continue to CHOOSE forgiveness every day. It’s not necessarily a one-time thing. And because of that, they have touched many people’s lives, including Conor’s and have shown that there are other ways to handle justice.
Would I have chosen the same path as them? I wish I could say that I would have, but just can’t confidently say that I would have. However, after reading this book, I have learned more about forgiveness than I ever thought I would. The Bible teaches us to forgive and this story is a tangible example of that. We could ALL practice a little more of it.
(I received a digital copy of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review. All of the above opinions are entirely my own.)
This was an engaging story and a very emotional read. No parent ever wants to hear that their child has been hurt, let alone shot and killed. My heart just hurt to read what the Grosmaires went through. And to make matters worse, their daughter was killed by someone that was very close to their family. I found myself desperately wanting to know answers to questions I had. Was their forgiveness real? Did Conor kill Ann on accident?
The story starts with the Grosmaires first being informed of Ann’s shooting and follows their journey through the coming months and years afterwards. I wondered at first if their forgiveness could truly have been sincere, but as I continued reading, I realized that it was. They made a choice to forgive Conor McBride and that’s really what it all comes down to. They CHOSE forgiveness and they continue to CHOOSE forgiveness every day. It’s not necessarily a one-time thing. And because of that, they have touched many people’s lives, including Conor’s and have shown that there are other ways to handle justice.
Would I have chosen the same path as them? I wish I could say that I would have, but just can’t confidently say that I would have. However, after reading this book, I have learned more about forgiveness than I ever thought I would. The Bible teaches us to forgive and this story is a tangible example of that. We could ALL practice a little more of it.
(I received a digital copy of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review. All of the above opinions are entirely my own.)
April 12, 2016
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer
A True Story of Loss, Faith, and Unexpected Grace
by Kate Grosmaire
Thomas Nelson
Nelson Books
Christian, Biographies & Memoirs
Pub Date 15 Mar 2016
I was given a copy of Forgiving My Daughters Killer through the publisher and their partnership with Netgalley in exchange for my honest review which is as follows:
On March.28. 2010 Kate Grossmaire and her families live forever changed when they got a call informing them that their youngest daughter Ann had been shot. Unsure of the extent of he daughters injuries at first Kate gets everyone together she can for a prayer chain via email while her husband drives her to the hospital.
It's discovered early on that it is believed that there daughters long time boyfriend Connor had shot her. On April.02 the ventilator that was helping Ann breathe is turned off and shortly after Ann dies. On April.10.2010 they lay their daughter to rest but this book is about more than loss it is also about one family's amazing capacity to forgive the very boy that killed their daughter, the boy they had loved and welcomed into their home.
I found this book both heartfelt and extraordinary because this family who lost something so precious forgave the very man who killed their youngest daughter. The process was far from easy I am sure but they forgave the boy who killed their daughter, and many hold on to unforgiveness for far less.
I give this book five out of five stars
Happy Reading
March 25, 2016
Could you forgive someone who killed your daughter?
Many of us struggle with forgiveness for even the most mundane things. We attend to our resentments like we would a pet, sometimes consciously and sometimes without even fully understanding what we’re doing. Now imagine if something more serious, utterly unthinkable happened, such as your daughter meeting death by the hands of her boyfriend. Would forgiveness cross your mind?
Kate Grosmaire’s daughter was shot at close range by her boyfriend, and despite fighting for her life, died at the young age of nineteen. It was a harrowing experience for the Grosmaire family and their friends. Ann was a brilliant young woman with a promising future, which was cut tragically short by her boyfriend Conor.
In Forgiving My Daughter’s Killer, Kate shares her story about how the sudden loss of Ann changes her life, her husband’s life, and how they struggled to accept and forgive each other and come to terms with what Conor had done.
Kate also expresses how her Catholic faith helps her through this process, which I couldn’t help but become inspired and teary eyed from reading. It was interesting to learn about Restorative Justice and how that kind of justice works. I hadn’t heard of such an alternative before, but I’m convinced that many cases could do so much good with that kind of system.
Many of us struggle with forgiveness for even the most mundane things. We attend to our resentments like we would a pet, sometimes consciously and sometimes without even fully understanding what we’re doing. Now imagine if something more serious, utterly unthinkable happened, such as your daughter meeting death by the hands of her boyfriend. Would forgiveness cross your mind?
Kate Grosmaire’s daughter was shot at close range by her boyfriend, and despite fighting for her life, died at the young age of nineteen. It was a harrowing experience for the Grosmaire family and their friends. Ann was a brilliant young woman with a promising future, which was cut tragically short by her boyfriend Conor.
In Forgiving My Daughter’s Killer, Kate shares her story about how the sudden loss of Ann changes her life, her husband’s life, and how they struggled to accept and forgive each other and come to terms with what Conor had done.
Kate also expresses how her Catholic faith helps her through this process, which I couldn’t help but become inspired and teary eyed from reading. It was interesting to learn about Restorative Justice and how that kind of justice works. I hadn’t heard of such an alternative before, but I’m convinced that many cases could do so much good with that kind of system.
July 15, 2016
Just read the title and there ya go. You know what happened and you know what the author's response was. Simple. Right?
No. Not at all. Not for a moment.
Be prepared to grieve. To hurt. To understand.
The insight hits you hard.
It begins about 1/4 of the way through the book. Grosmaire is thoughtfully considering her daughter's killer (boyfriend Conor) and realizes that she doesn't wish to be mentally stuck on the idea that Conor is merely a killer. If she does this, then, she has to consider her daughter as merely the one who was killed and she doesn't want this to happen to Ann, her daughter. She knows that if you (mentally) leave anyone in this position, then, you are negating the sum of your experiences with each of them.
In the next paragraph or so, Grosmaire makes the decision to forgive Conor. As we tread paragraphs, we learn that her decision to forgive had actually begun some time earlier in her life. She had in fact, many opportunities to practice with her husband.
Grosmaire realizes that when we refuse to forgive, we are accepting our status of a victim.
The last chapter is about forgiveness. What it really is. What it really is not. It is insightful to a degree that is otherwise, unfathomable.
No. Not at all. Not for a moment.
Be prepared to grieve. To hurt. To understand.
The insight hits you hard.
It begins about 1/4 of the way through the book. Grosmaire is thoughtfully considering her daughter's killer (boyfriend Conor) and realizes that she doesn't wish to be mentally stuck on the idea that Conor is merely a killer. If she does this, then, she has to consider her daughter as merely the one who was killed and she doesn't want this to happen to Ann, her daughter. She knows that if you (mentally) leave anyone in this position, then, you are negating the sum of your experiences with each of them.
In the next paragraph or so, Grosmaire makes the decision to forgive Conor. As we tread paragraphs, we learn that her decision to forgive had actually begun some time earlier in her life. She had in fact, many opportunities to practice with her husband.
Grosmaire realizes that when we refuse to forgive, we are accepting our status of a victim.
The last chapter is about forgiveness. What it really is. What it really is not. It is insightful to a degree that is otherwise, unfathomable.
April 24, 2016
Wow, this was an emotional book. I can't even begin to imagine what these parents went through in losing their precious daughter. The fact that they were able to forgive the boy that killed her speaks volumes to their character and faith, but what I really appreciated was that they didn't act like it was easy or it was "once and done". Kate made it clear that this is something they'll be working on for the rest of their lives such as when she is setting the Thanksgiving table less one spot, etc.
Being that I have two sisters I'm quite close to, I wish there was more information about Ann's sisters. How do they feel about what their mom and dad did in aiding to reduce the prison sentence? It did seem that for a long time after the killing Kate and Andy were consumed by it, which is understandable, but they do have two other daughters and I'm pretty sure they were never mentioned. Did they not agree with restorative justice? Do they wish to stay out of the spotlight and therefore, requested to not be discussed? Just a couple of thoughts I pondered.
Excellent book that really makes you think. Quite a Christian book with many biblical references.
** I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review **
Being that I have two sisters I'm quite close to, I wish there was more information about Ann's sisters. How do they feel about what their mom and dad did in aiding to reduce the prison sentence? It did seem that for a long time after the killing Kate and Andy were consumed by it, which is understandable, but they do have two other daughters and I'm pretty sure they were never mentioned. Did they not agree with restorative justice? Do they wish to stay out of the spotlight and therefore, requested to not be discussed? Just a couple of thoughts I pondered.
Excellent book that really makes you think. Quite a Christian book with many biblical references.
** I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review **
August 23, 2017
What a terribly heartbreaking story Kate Grosmaire shares. There is no way I can even come close to understanding the pain or sorrow they experienced. My heart bled for them. That said I didn’t read the whole book. Here are my reasons.
It was to heart breaking, to read about them going through all that without eternal hope. Because it was published by Thomas Nelson, I assumed it was at least Protestant or Evangelical leaning. The first half of the book tells the story of the tragedy right along with the families return to Catholicism. That was as heartbreaking as the tragedy itself. There is a great deal about the church and not much about Jesus or God’s Word. Nothing was said how salvation is by grace alone, through faith alone, in Jesus alone.
Next there were some extremely intimate details about their marriage. That’s when I quit reading. I skipped to the end to see if they ever did come to a Saving faith in Jesus, but didn’t find any in my skimming.
It wasn’t what I expected. I can’t recommend it.
I received this book free through Netgalley.
It was to heart breaking, to read about them going through all that without eternal hope. Because it was published by Thomas Nelson, I assumed it was at least Protestant or Evangelical leaning. The first half of the book tells the story of the tragedy right along with the families return to Catholicism. That was as heartbreaking as the tragedy itself. There is a great deal about the church and not much about Jesus or God’s Word. Nothing was said how salvation is by grace alone, through faith alone, in Jesus alone.
Next there were some extremely intimate details about their marriage. That’s when I quit reading. I skipped to the end to see if they ever did come to a Saving faith in Jesus, but didn’t find any in my skimming.
It wasn’t what I expected. I can’t recommend it.
I received this book free through Netgalley.
March 28, 2016
Kate and Andy Grosmaire are friends of mine, but that is not why I recommend this book so highly. They lived a nightmare. I saw this as it was going on, and was always impressed with the way in which they witnessed their strong Christian faith. This is not an easy story to read, but this book explains how they worked through this tragedy. It is so easy to give in to the anger that such a senseless act deserves, and no one would be critical of parents who have lost a child condemning the person who caused that loss. But Kate and Andy had the wisdom and foresight to realize holding on to the hate was destructive, not only to their daughters killer, but for them and their family as well. In today's environment where we debate issues using sound bits and anonymity on the Internet, this is the kind of thought provoking book that is a must read.
November 10, 2023
A must read
I must confess that I knew Kate and Andy when they lived in Memphis. Kate and I worked together, were expectant moms at the same time, and we babysat for each other. They moved to Florida and we lost touch, but I found her on Facebook. The story of Ann and Conor is heartbreaking. The story of Kate and Andy's forgiveness is heart healing. Forgiveness is not something done once and then forgotten. It is a daily, sometimes minute by minute decision. Reading about their journey was hard. I found myself wondering if I could forgive-but at the end, I totally understood. "If we hadn't forgive, we would be in prison with Conor." And how many of us are in the prison of our anger and hatred?
I must confess that I knew Kate and Andy when they lived in Memphis. Kate and I worked together, were expectant moms at the same time, and we babysat for each other. They moved to Florida and we lost touch, but I found her on Facebook. The story of Ann and Conor is heartbreaking. The story of Kate and Andy's forgiveness is heart healing. Forgiveness is not something done once and then forgotten. It is a daily, sometimes minute by minute decision. Reading about their journey was hard. I found myself wondering if I could forgive-but at the end, I totally understood. "If we hadn't forgive, we would be in prison with Conor." And how many of us are in the prison of our anger and hatred?
May 31, 2016
This poignant sharing of one family's traumatic forgiveness of their daughter's killer was heart-wrenching; yet uplifting. To walk the journey of these parents, who were faced with the ordeal of knowing and forgiving their daughter's killer made this reader question her own ability to forgive. Why do I hold on to past hurts? This book presented a revived outlook on forgiveness, with the Biblical context that can truly ensure that forgiveness can and will happen. I particularly liked the final interview with the guilty party...who admits that this was a grievous mistake, but who has changed and grown through the process. Thank you for sharing your story!
March 14, 2016
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer exposes the aftermath of violent crime for an ordinary family and explores questions of crime and punishment. Can we really forgive those who do us the gravest wrong?
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer was a tough read for me, being a mother. The most extraordinary part of this story is that the Grosmire's have not only chosen to forgive their daughter's killer, but also to have regular contact with him. I can’t help but recommend this book , I found it hard to put down.
Forgiving My Daughter's Killer was a tough read for me, being a mother. The most extraordinary part of this story is that the Grosmire's have not only chosen to forgive their daughter's killer, but also to have regular contact with him. I can’t help but recommend this book , I found it hard to put down.
April 14, 2016
This story moved my heart so profoundly. As I read Kate's words, I was reminded of true faith and authentic forgiveness. Like Kate, I have a deep faith in Jesus Christ, and this story reminds me that our actions are what defines and communicates our beliefs to a broken world. Thank you to that family for sharing their deepest pain in light of their faith. Never once did their faith in a loving, forgiving God waver, even in light of a horrible tragedy.
July 14, 2017
Sigh. I am so very sorry for this family's losses. I truly am. But by the time I got to page 75 and was subtly reminded for he umpteenth time that I'm only a "christian" and not a Catholic I couldn't stand it any more. I'm so thankful that her church helped her, but she hasn't expressed much forgiveness, especially to her husband, in he first half of he book. I hope it helps others.
April 16, 2016
A very moving book. I feel it was so brave of Kate to share her story with the world. I am Christian myself and this book demonstrates the true strength of faith and God's love. I have learnt so much about forgiveness by reading this. A true journey in reading this book.
April 25, 2016
This was beautiful in its entirety, from beginning to end.
I know many hearts will be touched, and lives blessed by this story.
#forgivenessheals
Matthew 6:14-15
❤️
I know many hearts will be touched, and lives blessed by this story.
#forgivenessheals
Matthew 6:14-15
❤️
April 23, 2016
Emotional and heartfelt. Kate is truly a women of great faith.
April 12, 2025
On one hand, the Grosmaires' *story* is absolutely incredible, a supernatural testament to the power of the Holy Spirit within human hearts. On the other hand, I don't feel this *book* did a great job at accurately portraying what it must have been like to walk through it.
SURELY, there must have been an extreme amount of pain, internal strife and intense anger over Ann's murder. But we really see very little of that in the book; instead, there's just sort of a general sense of overall sadness and melancholy, and even that gets overshadowed by intense concern and empathy for Conor.
Was forgiving Conor really that easy? Was there really that little pain over losing a daughter to violence? Did they really make restorative justice (a wonderful concept I'm so glad is getting more attention these days) their life's new mission that quickly and without any internal tug-of-wars? If so, explain why, please, and if not, expand a bit to show us those inner conflicts.
The only scene that even touched on the struggle to forgive was when Andy saw Jesus' and Ann's bodies as one in the hospital (a very beautiful, touching scene, in fact, and my favorite moment of the book). The rest of the time *almost* made it seem like the Grosmaires preferred Conor over Ann, which certainly must not be the actual case. I do not think this was the Grosmaires' fault, but I wish that their ghostwriter had done a better job in this department. The end result was that the main thrust of their story isn't exactly believable -- like their forgiveness was faked or religiously forced -- which is a shame, because I do think their story of forgiveness and healing is genuine and incredibly powerful.
That being said, I appreciated the Q&A with Conor as the final chapter. I felt his words actually helped shed a bit of light on what I had been wondering about for almost the entire book.
I wish Kate and Andy and their circle nothing but the best, and I pray their impact multiples across the country exponentially, that souls would be won because of their willingness to obey and speak out.
SURELY, there must have been an extreme amount of pain, internal strife and intense anger over Ann's murder. But we really see very little of that in the book; instead, there's just sort of a general sense of overall sadness and melancholy, and even that gets overshadowed by intense concern and empathy for Conor.
Was forgiving Conor really that easy? Was there really that little pain over losing a daughter to violence? Did they really make restorative justice (a wonderful concept I'm so glad is getting more attention these days) their life's new mission that quickly and without any internal tug-of-wars? If so, explain why, please, and if not, expand a bit to show us those inner conflicts.
The only scene that even touched on the struggle to forgive was when Andy saw Jesus' and Ann's bodies as one in the hospital (a very beautiful, touching scene, in fact, and my favorite moment of the book). The rest of the time *almost* made it seem like the Grosmaires preferred Conor over Ann, which certainly must not be the actual case. I do not think this was the Grosmaires' fault, but I wish that their ghostwriter had done a better job in this department. The end result was that the main thrust of their story isn't exactly believable -- like their forgiveness was faked or religiously forced -- which is a shame, because I do think their story of forgiveness and healing is genuine and incredibly powerful.
That being said, I appreciated the Q&A with Conor as the final chapter. I felt his words actually helped shed a bit of light on what I had been wondering about for almost the entire book.
I wish Kate and Andy and their circle nothing but the best, and I pray their impact multiples across the country exponentially, that souls would be won because of their willingness to obey and speak out.
November 7, 2017
In a time when nuance is a rare commodity, this book is a powerful testament to the complexity of human relationships and, indeed, of humanity itself.
I do not always do well with books like this because I am an HSP, or Highly Sensitive Person, and stories of tragedy and death often stay with me for far longer than I'd like. But in the case of Forgiving My Daughter's Killer, this is actually a benefit. I am grateful to Kate Grosmaire for her courage to pen what was the most painful circumstance she will likely ever face and for, in doing so, giving us a taste of that other-worldly grace we are in so desperate need of these days. Her story is truly remarkable.
The idea of redemption is a beautiful one, but we often approach it with caution in real life. We glorify and revel in grace when offered to us, but for others, we are not as quick to extend the courtesy. We are human, after all, and grace did not come from us. What Grosmaire does so well in her book is show how grace unfolds over time, and reveal that while the decision to forgive is a one-time thing the process is long and, sometimes, nearly unendurable. This is what we forget, and in the process of forgetting, grace is what we lose.
I am a mother of a preschool-aged girl, and I had to stop reading a number of times because Kate's daughter would, in my imagination, become my own. But despite the painful experience of reading the grief of another mother after so much confusion and loss, the resulting story and the hard-worn consideration Kate took in learning to see her daughter's killer as a person, too, is worth the effort.
After all, sharing Kate's grief in this small way is the least we can do when she cut herself open and bled her deepest loss onto the page.
I do not always do well with books like this because I am an HSP, or Highly Sensitive Person, and stories of tragedy and death often stay with me for far longer than I'd like. But in the case of Forgiving My Daughter's Killer, this is actually a benefit. I am grateful to Kate Grosmaire for her courage to pen what was the most painful circumstance she will likely ever face and for, in doing so, giving us a taste of that other-worldly grace we are in so desperate need of these days. Her story is truly remarkable.
The idea of redemption is a beautiful one, but we often approach it with caution in real life. We glorify and revel in grace when offered to us, but for others, we are not as quick to extend the courtesy. We are human, after all, and grace did not come from us. What Grosmaire does so well in her book is show how grace unfolds over time, and reveal that while the decision to forgive is a one-time thing the process is long and, sometimes, nearly unendurable. This is what we forget, and in the process of forgetting, grace is what we lose.
I am a mother of a preschool-aged girl, and I had to stop reading a number of times because Kate's daughter would, in my imagination, become my own. But despite the painful experience of reading the grief of another mother after so much confusion and loss, the resulting story and the hard-worn consideration Kate took in learning to see her daughter's killer as a person, too, is worth the effort.
After all, sharing Kate's grief in this small way is the least we can do when she cut herself open and bled her deepest loss onto the page.
June 15, 2021
This book was engrossing. I read it in one day, in one sitting. I couldn’t put it down. It’s not just a memoir of a tragedy. The Grosmaires display true grace and forgiveness right from the start of their nightmare. Kate repeatedly states that others think of their forgiveness as extraordinary or a show of being an exceptional Christian. She says this is not true, she is just doing what a Christian should. Jesus forgave us for our sins. So we are supposed to forgive others.
More importantly, at the back of the book she states some things she has learned about forgiveness though this all. I found those very helpful. I try to forgive but there is a certain person I struggle with forgiveness for. After reading her lessons, I feel like I can start to move forward with forgiveness.
Have you heard of restorative justice? I certainly hadn’t. The Grosmaires pursued it for Conor (the shooter.) Someone mentions it to them and they have to research it and find someone to help. It had never even been done in Florida before.
Also interesting is a Q & A with Conor at the end of the book. Throughout the main part of the book we don’t get to hear much from Conor so it was nice to hear it from the other side too. Usually a memoir is pretty one sided.
If you struggle with forgiveness, I highly recommend this book.
More importantly, at the back of the book she states some things she has learned about forgiveness though this all. I found those very helpful. I try to forgive but there is a certain person I struggle with forgiveness for. After reading her lessons, I feel like I can start to move forward with forgiveness.
Have you heard of restorative justice? I certainly hadn’t. The Grosmaires pursued it for Conor (the shooter.) Someone mentions it to them and they have to research it and find someone to help. It had never even been done in Florida before.
Also interesting is a Q & A with Conor at the end of the book. Throughout the main part of the book we don’t get to hear much from Conor so it was nice to hear it from the other side too. Usually a memoir is pretty one sided.
If you struggle with forgiveness, I highly recommend this book.
December 27, 2021
I ordered this book from Bookoutlet.ca not really knowing what to expect. It was cheap and sounded okay. Once I found myself reading it, I realized that I could not put it down. I know other reviews said this book was either excellent or awful; I will go in the very good category.
I liked how open and honest Kate was about what had happened in her life with Andy by then, their pregnancy losses which I could not imagine going through and then burying their youngest daughter, and the individual ways they approached Ann's death. In my view, Kate was very practical while Andy was holding out for a miracle. But, in the end, they met in the middle about forgiving Ann's killer, Conor, who was her boyfriend.
This book is really about forgiveness but I also think it is about young love and relationship violence. It is a cautionary tale for all because kids Conor and Ann's age might not know what relationship violence is. While it is not centered in this book, when you read Conor's account of what was going on towards the end, you will know what I mean.
Overall, I liked how this book went. I liked the writing and I liked how Kate was able to explain exactly why she forgave Conor and that she did it for herself, and not for Conor.
I liked how open and honest Kate was about what had happened in her life with Andy by then, their pregnancy losses which I could not imagine going through and then burying their youngest daughter, and the individual ways they approached Ann's death. In my view, Kate was very practical while Andy was holding out for a miracle. But, in the end, they met in the middle about forgiving Ann's killer, Conor, who was her boyfriend.
This book is really about forgiveness but I also think it is about young love and relationship violence. It is a cautionary tale for all because kids Conor and Ann's age might not know what relationship violence is. While it is not centered in this book, when you read Conor's account of what was going on towards the end, you will know what I mean.
Overall, I liked how this book went. I liked the writing and I liked how Kate was able to explain exactly why she forgave Conor and that she did it for herself, and not for Conor.
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