What do you think?
Rate this book
Goodbye, I Love You
The true story of what seemed to be an ideal couple. "...a wife, her homosexual husband, and a love honored for all eternity."
227 pages, Hardcover
First published February 1, 1988
35 people are currently reading
1206 people want to read
About the author
Carol Lynn Pearson
93 books123 followersFrom http://www.clpearson.com/about_me.htm
In fourth grade, in Gusher, Utah, I won four dollars in a school district essay contest on “Why We Should Eat a Better Breakfast.” And yes, this morning I had a bowl of my own excellent granola, followed by a hike in the hills near my home in Walnut Creek, California.
In high school I began writing in earnest. I have now in my files a folder marked “Poetry, Very Bad,” and another, “Poetry, Not Quite So Bad.” Writing served a good purpose for that very dramatic, insecure adolescent. Also at that time I began to keep a diary, which I still maintain and which has been indescribably useful to me both as a writer and as a pilgrim on the earth.
After graduating from Brigham Young University with an MA in theatre, teaching for a year in Utah at Snow College, and traveling for a year, I taught part-time at BYU in the English department and was then hired by the motion picture studio on campus to write educational and religious screenplays.
While performing at the university as Mrs. Antrobus in Thornton Wilder’s “The Skin of Our Teeth,” I met and fell in love with Gerald Pearson, a shining, blond, enthusiastic young man, who fell in love with me and my poems.
“We’ve got to get them published,” he said on our honeymoon, and soon dragged me up to the big city, Salt Lake City, to see who would be first in line to publish them. “Poetry doesn’t sell,” insisted everyone we spoke to, and I, somewhat relieved, put publishing on the list of things to do posthumously.
But not Gerald. “Then I’ll publish them,” he said. Borrowing two thousand dollars, he created a company called “Trilogy Arts” and published two thousand copies of a book called Beginnings, a slim, hard-back volume with a white cover that featured a stunning illustration, “God in Embryo,” by our good friend Trevor Southey, now an internationally known artist. On the day in autumn of 1967 that Gerald delivered the books by truck to our little apartment in Provo, I was terrified. I really had wanted to do this posthumously.
Beginnings
Today
You came running
With a small specked egg
Warm in your hand.
You could barely understand,
I know,
As I told you of Beginnings–
Of egg and bird.
Told, too,
That years ago you began,
Smaller than sight.
And then,
As egg yearns for sky
And seed stretches to tree,
You became–
Like me.
Oh,
But there’s so much more.
You and I, child,
Have just begun.
Think:
Worlds from now
What might we be?–
We, who are seed
Of Deity.
We toted a package of books up to the BYU bookstore, and asked to see the book buyer. “Well,” she said, “nobody ever buys poetry, but since you’re a local person, let me take four on consignment.” As they came in packages of twenty, we persuaded her to take twenty--on consignment. Next day she called and asked, “Those books you brought up here. Do you have any more of them?”
I had anticipated that the two thousand books, now stacked in our little closet and under our bed and in my Daddy’s garage, would last us years and years as wedding presents. But immediately we ordered a second printing. Beginnings sold over 150,000 copies before we gave it to Doubleday and then to Bookcraft.
Beginnings was followed by other volumes of poetry: The Search, The Growing Season, A Widening View, I Can’t Stop Smiling, and Women I Have Known and Been. Most of the poems from the earlier books now appear in a compilation, Beginnings and Beyond. The poems have been widely reprinted in such places as Ann Landers’ column, the second volume of Chicken Soup for the Soul, and college textbooks such as Houghton Mifflin’s Structure and Meaning: an Introduction to Literature. That first little volume of verse, and my husband’s determination, laid the foundation for my entire career.
Another characteristic of my husband was to have a profound effect on both
In fourth grade, in Gusher, Utah, I won four dollars in a school district essay contest on “Why We Should Eat a Better Breakfast.” And yes, this morning I had a bowl of my own excellent granola, followed by a hike in the hills near my home in Walnut Creek, California.
In high school I began writing in earnest. I have now in my files a folder marked “Poetry, Very Bad,” and another, “Poetry, Not Quite So Bad.” Writing served a good purpose for that very dramatic, insecure adolescent. Also at that time I began to keep a diary, which I still maintain and which has been indescribably useful to me both as a writer and as a pilgrim on the earth.
After graduating from Brigham Young University with an MA in theatre, teaching for a year in Utah at Snow College, and traveling for a year, I taught part-time at BYU in the English department and was then hired by the motion picture studio on campus to write educational and religious screenplays.
While performing at the university as Mrs. Antrobus in Thornton Wilder’s “The Skin of Our Teeth,” I met and fell in love with Gerald Pearson, a shining, blond, enthusiastic young man, who fell in love with me and my poems.
“We’ve got to get them published,” he said on our honeymoon, and soon dragged me up to the big city, Salt Lake City, to see who would be first in line to publish them. “Poetry doesn’t sell,” insisted everyone we spoke to, and I, somewhat relieved, put publishing on the list of things to do posthumously.
But not Gerald. “Then I’ll publish them,” he said. Borrowing two thousand dollars, he created a company called “Trilogy Arts” and published two thousand copies of a book called Beginnings, a slim, hard-back volume with a white cover that featured a stunning illustration, “God in Embryo,” by our good friend Trevor Southey, now an internationally known artist. On the day in autumn of 1967 that Gerald delivered the books by truck to our little apartment in Provo, I was terrified. I really had wanted to do this posthumously.
Beginnings
Today
You came running
With a small specked egg
Warm in your hand.
You could barely understand,
I know,
As I told you of Beginnings–
Of egg and bird.
Told, too,
That years ago you began,
Smaller than sight.
And then,
As egg yearns for sky
And seed stretches to tree,
You became–
Like me.
Oh,
But there’s so much more.
You and I, child,
Have just begun.
Think:
Worlds from now
What might we be?–
We, who are seed
Of Deity.
We toted a package of books up to the BYU bookstore, and asked to see the book buyer. “Well,” she said, “nobody ever buys poetry, but since you’re a local person, let me take four on consignment.” As they came in packages of twenty, we persuaded her to take twenty--on consignment. Next day she called and asked, “Those books you brought up here. Do you have any more of them?”
I had anticipated that the two thousand books, now stacked in our little closet and under our bed and in my Daddy’s garage, would last us years and years as wedding presents. But immediately we ordered a second printing. Beginnings sold over 150,000 copies before we gave it to Doubleday and then to Bookcraft.
Beginnings was followed by other volumes of poetry: The Search, The Growing Season, A Widening View, I Can’t Stop Smiling, and Women I Have Known and Been. Most of the poems from the earlier books now appear in a compilation, Beginnings and Beyond. The poems have been widely reprinted in such places as Ann Landers’ column, the second volume of Chicken Soup for the Soul, and college textbooks such as Houghton Mifflin’s Structure and Meaning: an Introduction to Literature. That first little volume of verse, and my husband’s determination, laid the foundation for my entire career.
Another characteristic of my husband was to have a profound effect on both
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 258 reviews
November 16, 2011
This book impacted me deeply. It is the memoir of an LDS woman, Carol Lynn Pearson, whom I love and admire. In this book, she shares the story of her own heart-wrenching relationship and marriage to Gerald, a homosexual man. After they have four children together, she learns that he has been unfaithful with other men. They try for several years to hold their marriage together, but end up getting a divorce. They remain good friends, and when he contracts AIDS in the early 1980s, she takes him in and cares for him until he dies.
My brother-in-law (who is gay) and I (who am LDS) each bought the Kindle edition of this book at the same time. I read it to gain a deeper understanding of homosexuality, and he bought it to better understand Mormons' attitudes towards the gay community. The beauty of this book is that it accomplishes both. The underlying theme of the book is compassion and understanding towards everyone, even towards those who choose not to reciprocate that love.
If I hadn't read this book in the gym while running on the elliptical, I would have been in tears. I was very impressed with Carol Lynn's compassion towards Gerald and her capacity to forgive him. At the same time, I loved how open and honest she was about her own emotional roller coaster, and that she didn't try to sugarcoat the pain she endured or excuse Gerald's actions. Rather, she used this experience as a tool to raise consciousness, sympathy, tolerance, and acceptance of homosexuality within the Mormon community, and on a more personal level, to help people who are going through a similar situation.
I love this little poem she included in the memoir to illustrate her own resilience:
I dim
I dim
I have no doubt
If someone blew–
I would go out.
I did not.
I must be brighter
Than I thought.
Carol Lynn Pearson has devoted much of her life to increasing awareness and understanding of homosexuality within the Mormon community. I'm looking forward to reading her other book on the subject, No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons Around Our Gay Loved Ones.
My brother-in-law (who is gay) and I (who am LDS) each bought the Kindle edition of this book at the same time. I read it to gain a deeper understanding of homosexuality, and he bought it to better understand Mormons' attitudes towards the gay community. The beauty of this book is that it accomplishes both. The underlying theme of the book is compassion and understanding towards everyone, even towards those who choose not to reciprocate that love.
If I hadn't read this book in the gym while running on the elliptical, I would have been in tears. I was very impressed with Carol Lynn's compassion towards Gerald and her capacity to forgive him. At the same time, I loved how open and honest she was about her own emotional roller coaster, and that she didn't try to sugarcoat the pain she endured or excuse Gerald's actions. Rather, she used this experience as a tool to raise consciousness, sympathy, tolerance, and acceptance of homosexuality within the Mormon community, and on a more personal level, to help people who are going through a similar situation.
I love this little poem she included in the memoir to illustrate her own resilience:
I dim
I dim
I have no doubt
If someone blew–
I would go out.
I did not.
I must be brighter
Than I thought.
Carol Lynn Pearson has devoted much of her life to increasing awareness and understanding of homosexuality within the Mormon community. I'm looking forward to reading her other book on the subject, No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons Around Our Gay Loved Ones.
August 10, 2014
Loved, loved, loved this book. Every Mormon should read this true story of the fallout from a mixed-orientation marriage. It's a quick read, but well worth the tears it will elicit because it has the capacity to extend the reach of our love and empathy. The author must have kept a journal because every little slice of life is so rich with details of what was said and what was felt. The book overflows with authenticity. While exposing the worst of the collision between Mormonism and homosexuality, the book exposes the best parts of Mormonism too.
Some have criticized the "infidelity" in this story, but I feel that few marriages ever achieve a love strong enough to survive the kind of trials this couple faced. Instead of letting their trial destroy their love, they were able to let it survive in a different form that was not what either of them expected or wanted. In that respect, their fidelity was "stronger than the cords of death." Others who find themselves in a mixed-orientation marriage choose to stay together, which is also a valid and beautiful demonstration of fidelity. I choose not to judge either path.
Some have criticized the "infidelity" in this story, but I feel that few marriages ever achieve a love strong enough to survive the kind of trials this couple faced. Instead of letting their trial destroy their love, they were able to let it survive in a different form that was not what either of them expected or wanted. In that respect, their fidelity was "stronger than the cords of death." Others who find themselves in a mixed-orientation marriage choose to stay together, which is also a valid and beautiful demonstration of fidelity. I choose not to judge either path.
September 6, 2022
"Divorce is not supposed to happen. Homosexuality is not supposed to happen. But when dogma collides with experience, when the people involved are those you love, you see with different eyes."
Carol Lynn Pearson is a beloved matriarch within the LDS Church, and while I was familiar with who she was (poet, author of the Primary song "I'll Walk with You"), reading her memoir emphasized how truly remarkable she is. In this book, Carol Lynn describes how she fell in love with and married her husband Gerald, an exuberant man who loved life. But Gerald was gay, and this was the 1970s, and the Church's doctrine was clear: homosexuals were vile sinners. Obviously this was hard on Gerald, who did not feel like he could be his true self. And it was also not easy for Carol Lynn; she is a feminist, and it felt cruel that both her church and her husband seemed to prefer men to women. But Carol Lynn found that, in spite of her own hurt and pain, she loved Gerald, even if they could not be lovers any longer. Their family looked rather unconditional: they became divorced parents who loved their four children dearly, coparenting with grace and supporting one another as best friends. And when Gerald contracted AIDS in the 1980s, Carol Lynn became his caregiver in his final weeks.
This is incredibly well-written: very readable and absolutely beautiful. It was amazing to see that this was published more than thirty-five years ago, as it still feels so very relevant. So many of the issues mirrored the recently published memoirs by Charlie Bird or Ben Schilaty. I am quite astounded that Carol Lynn could tell her story with such bravery in the 1980s, when this topic was so taboo, particularly in the Church.
The overall message of this book -- that charity never fails -- is what makes this book resoundingly beautiful.
---
I've come across this poem before, but I loved reading the story behind it. Carol Lynn wrote the first stanza at her lowest point, and the second stanza was written several years later. I think all who have grieved can relate:
I dim, I dim--
I have no doubt
If someone blew
I would go out.
I did not.
I must be brighter
Than I thought.
Carol Lynn Pearson is a beloved matriarch within the LDS Church, and while I was familiar with who she was (poet, author of the Primary song "I'll Walk with You"), reading her memoir emphasized how truly remarkable she is. In this book, Carol Lynn describes how she fell in love with and married her husband Gerald, an exuberant man who loved life. But Gerald was gay, and this was the 1970s, and the Church's doctrine was clear: homosexuals were vile sinners. Obviously this was hard on Gerald, who did not feel like he could be his true self. And it was also not easy for Carol Lynn; she is a feminist, and it felt cruel that both her church and her husband seemed to prefer men to women. But Carol Lynn found that, in spite of her own hurt and pain, she loved Gerald, even if they could not be lovers any longer. Their family looked rather unconditional: they became divorced parents who loved their four children dearly, coparenting with grace and supporting one another as best friends. And when Gerald contracted AIDS in the 1980s, Carol Lynn became his caregiver in his final weeks.
This is incredibly well-written: very readable and absolutely beautiful. It was amazing to see that this was published more than thirty-five years ago, as it still feels so very relevant. So many of the issues mirrored the recently published memoirs by Charlie Bird or Ben Schilaty. I am quite astounded that Carol Lynn could tell her story with such bravery in the 1980s, when this topic was so taboo, particularly in the Church.
The overall message of this book -- that charity never fails -- is what makes this book resoundingly beautiful.
---
I've come across this poem before, but I loved reading the story behind it. Carol Lynn wrote the first stanza at her lowest point, and the second stanza was written several years later. I think all who have grieved can relate:
I dim, I dim--
I have no doubt
If someone blew
I would go out.
I did not.
I must be brighter
Than I thought.
November 12, 2007
I liked this book but didn't love it. I admire Carol Lynn's perspective on the trial of her marriage and how she was able to see the good in her husband. I think her message of loving all people regardless of their choices is beautiful and empowering. However, I was unsatisfied with one part of the book. Her husband Gerald was supposedly doing something empowering by giving into his desires. What I saw though was a man who left his marriage, could never keep up a relationship and ended up miserable. It seems to me that finding his true self was the real lie.
April 22, 2008
I give this book three stars because it was well written. However I take exception to how much she enabled her husband. I can't imagine what toll it took on her children to see his promiscuity and the results. I think she went one step too far beyond loving the sinner and loved his sins a little too much.
April 5, 2020
I was sad that I read this book, as recommended by a friend. I always had enjoyed Carol Lynn Pearson's work--My Turn on Earth, her poetry, Daughters of Light, etc. But this was disturbing. Her view of her own worthlessness as a woman came through loud and clear. She said she always knew she wasn't as good as a man, and her husband proved her to be right, by choosing men over her.
She just went along with everything as if what he was doing was okay. Yuck. She even moved to San Francisco with her whole family just so he could have a wider scope of dating opportunities. Double yuck.
CLPearson really disappoints me. After reading about her disturbing views and choices, I got online and saw her disturbing website. Too whacked out for me.
She just went along with everything as if what he was doing was okay. Yuck. She even moved to San Francisco with her whole family just so he could have a wider scope of dating opportunities. Double yuck.
CLPearson really disappoints me. After reading about her disturbing views and choices, I got online and saw her disturbing website. Too whacked out for me.
December 16, 2025
This book should be required reading for everyone. Just so profoundly enlightening. “Walls will fall and we will see each other more clearly.” No matter who you are or what your circumstances, we all have hopes and dreams for ourselves and the people we love. What we must recognize is our acceptance of the hopes and dreams of our loved ones that may not match our own. We are all children of a loving Heavenly Father and we all deserve to be loved unconditionally.
June 14, 2008
I am not generally a Carol Lynn Pearson fan, but this book reminded me of my life that could-have-been and I am very happy that I escaped when I did!
The book is a true story. So what happens is that she finds this totally awesome guy, Gerald, that she really loves. He loves her and show tunes. So they get married and have kids. Then he says, "Hey! I am gay. Didn't I mention that?" The end was sad. I cried. I don't do that very often in books. But then again I read a lot of non-fiction about stuff like real estate, rich people, industry, etc. Not usually tearjerkers.
So here's where my life paralleled hers: I dated a guy with a VERY similar name, who liked showtunes a lot. Like he actually owned the CD to 'A Chorus Line' and knew (knows?) all the songs. Ok. So we dated for a year. In that year I would have totally made out with him 365 times. Guess how many times he took advantage of that? Did you guess only 300? 100? 25? WRONG! ZERO. Yes, never did he make out with me. Weird. My husband tells me I am a very make-outable person. Our total kissing was about 7 times. One little peck each time. My grandmother has kissed me with more passion. Ok, so every time I would plan a little time for the two of us to hang out he would manage to invite someone else, ie his best friend, little brother, his family, to come along. Fortunately I really liked all those people. Looking back now I think I actually was more in love with his family and he was my means to getting in.
So you might be thinking that he just didn't want to be alone with me because he didn't like me. But think of your own husbands or boyfriends or NCMOs. For the most part would they have given up a make-out chance (before they met you) for any reason?
Also, let me just get this off my chest: I hate video games. This guy loved video games more than life or cleanliness. He would wake up about 11 am and play video games, non stop, until 2-ish in the morning. Then he'd get up and do the same thing the next day. Did you noticed that I didn't mention bathing or changing clothes anywhere in his routine? I was super desperate (and stupid) and so I overlooked these things and only saw the good: he could identify which show and sing all the lyrics to every broadway musical ever. I don't particularly love Broadway, so I'm not sure why that was such a draw. I remember MANY evening when our "date" would be that he'd invite me over to (I am not kidding-these are his words) "watch [him] play video games." And I would do it. Oh man I was dumb. I never even played the video games. I seriously just went and watched. I guess in that case, we were both losers.
Anyways, my theory is that he played video games to distract himself from his un-attraction to girls. Then he got addicted. Then he was like, 'Sweet! Now I have an addiction and therefore an excuse to avoid girls!'
Ok, let me say this: I saw a commercial for the Tony awards the other night. I asked my husband if he wanted to watch. He gagged at the thought. Then we made out. I really love him.
The book is a true story. So what happens is that she finds this totally awesome guy, Gerald, that she really loves. He loves her and show tunes. So they get married and have kids. Then he says, "Hey! I am gay. Didn't I mention that?" The end was sad. I cried. I don't do that very often in books. But then again I read a lot of non-fiction about stuff like real estate, rich people, industry, etc. Not usually tearjerkers.
So here's where my life paralleled hers: I dated a guy with a VERY similar name, who liked showtunes a lot. Like he actually owned the CD to 'A Chorus Line' and knew (knows?) all the songs. Ok. So we dated for a year. In that year I would have totally made out with him 365 times. Guess how many times he took advantage of that? Did you guess only 300? 100? 25? WRONG! ZERO. Yes, never did he make out with me. Weird. My husband tells me I am a very make-outable person. Our total kissing was about 7 times. One little peck each time. My grandmother has kissed me with more passion. Ok, so every time I would plan a little time for the two of us to hang out he would manage to invite someone else, ie his best friend, little brother, his family, to come along. Fortunately I really liked all those people. Looking back now I think I actually was more in love with his family and he was my means to getting in.
So you might be thinking that he just didn't want to be alone with me because he didn't like me. But think of your own husbands or boyfriends or NCMOs. For the most part would they have given up a make-out chance (before they met you) for any reason?
Also, let me just get this off my chest: I hate video games. This guy loved video games more than life or cleanliness. He would wake up about 11 am and play video games, non stop, until 2-ish in the morning. Then he'd get up and do the same thing the next day. Did you noticed that I didn't mention bathing or changing clothes anywhere in his routine? I was super desperate (and stupid) and so I overlooked these things and only saw the good: he could identify which show and sing all the lyrics to every broadway musical ever. I don't particularly love Broadway, so I'm not sure why that was such a draw. I remember MANY evening when our "date" would be that he'd invite me over to (I am not kidding-these are his words) "watch [him] play video games." And I would do it. Oh man I was dumb. I never even played the video games. I seriously just went and watched. I guess in that case, we were both losers.
Anyways, my theory is that he played video games to distract himself from his un-attraction to girls. Then he got addicted. Then he was like, 'Sweet! Now I have an addiction and therefore an excuse to avoid girls!'
Ok, let me say this: I saw a commercial for the Tony awards the other night. I asked my husband if he wanted to watch. He gagged at the thought. Then we made out. I really love him.
October 3, 2020
I'm curious to read her new book of poetry, but I wanted to learn a little more about her first. I'd heard about this book years ago but wasn't interested. I'm glad I read it. It provides an interesting perspective.
September 2, 2024
Beautifully written. About a relief society president who discovers her BYU husband is gay, and eventually cares for him at the end of his life as he dies of AIDS. And she remains faithful in her own way. Such a huge Carol Lynn Pearson fan.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 21, 2013
This book was disturbing to read I think, for me because of the Taboo Topic. It was interesting for the same reason. However, that said, I did not like the judgmental comments made by so many against the author when her book was released in the mid 80's. I chose to keep a non judgmental attitude in my heart for a woman I do not know, and whose poetry and some of her other works I greatly admire, like "My Turn on Earth" lyrics and "Cipher in the Snow" short story and screenplay. This seems like it was a hard story to live, let alone tell. I do not know how I would have responded in her shoes, but I hope I would have been as compassionate.
I believe strongly that for every circumstance human beings are placed in, the old saying "There but for the grace of God, go I" applies. Anything whether it be good or bad can happen to any of us. Thankfully, no one has every good thing or every bad thing happen to them, but all have a combination of wonderful to awful experiences. Amidst those experiences are common themes that amount to gains and losses. Such as birth and death, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, health and sickness, excitement and disappointment, etc.
This is a story of exquisite gains and disheartening losses. At different points it evoked many feelings in me, at times joy and other times sorrow, but in the end an overwhelming sense of compassion and admiration. To face whatever joy and sorrow comes, no matter the depth of emotion or the potential for being misunderstood, with such faith, grace and dignity is greatly to be desired To the author I say thank you for sharing both the joys and sorrows "in the quiet heart ... hidden". Thank you, also, for reaching out to others who also quietly suffer through painful losses and exhilarating gains while they try to be the best they can be in an imperfect world.
I believe strongly that for every circumstance human beings are placed in, the old saying "There but for the grace of God, go I" applies. Anything whether it be good or bad can happen to any of us. Thankfully, no one has every good thing or every bad thing happen to them, but all have a combination of wonderful to awful experiences. Amidst those experiences are common themes that amount to gains and losses. Such as birth and death, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, health and sickness, excitement and disappointment, etc.
This is a story of exquisite gains and disheartening losses. At different points it evoked many feelings in me, at times joy and other times sorrow, but in the end an overwhelming sense of compassion and admiration. To face whatever joy and sorrow comes, no matter the depth of emotion or the potential for being misunderstood, with such faith, grace and dignity is greatly to be desired To the author I say thank you for sharing both the joys and sorrows "in the quiet heart ... hidden". Thank you, also, for reaching out to others who also quietly suffer through painful losses and exhilarating gains while they try to be the best they can be in an imperfect world.
September 5, 2008
It was really such a sad novel. I'm sure she meant to leave it on a hopeful, meaningful, or perhaps just a reflective note. But it was really just a depressing book about the suffering she dealt with being married to a gay man- and then watching him die. I don't really feel like I received any insight except to see how great this woman's heart really is. I certainly don't know if I could have handled it as well as she did... There were pictures of her and her family in the back and I couldn't help but think- what a waste! A GORGEOUS woman [aged VERY well] was abandoned by her husband. Four BEAUTIFUL children were left fatherless. And a HANDSOME man died a horrible, early death- all because he couldn't [and wouldn't] control himself and his urges. If nothing else, I've realized that my own story doesn't deserve pity after a story like this- I truly pity this family and their unnecessary sorrows.
May 29, 2020
I understand why everyone will feel differently about this book, but hearing from the author about her life and how she remembers and felt through things - some very personal and difficult things - was both healing and compassionate-inducing. This is both a heartbreaking and beautiful book.
“Pain is a necessary element in growth, I said, and love is the final standard.”
“When dogma collided with experience, when the people involved are those you love, you see with different eyes.”
“Pain is a necessary element in growth, I said, and love is the final standard.”
“When dogma collided with experience, when the people involved are those you love, you see with different eyes.”
January 23, 2023
I wrote a long and emotional (and dare i say brilliant) review 😂 and the dang Goodreads app deleted it!!!! 😂 Waaaa. I loved this book. Maybe I’ll come back and try again.
***
I dim
I dim—
I have no doubt
If someone blew
I would go out.
I did not.
I must be brighter
Than I thought.
***
I dim
I dim—
I have no doubt
If someone blew
I would go out.
I did not.
I must be brighter
Than I thought.
April 23, 2021
Last week I finally finished reading Goodbye, I Love You by Carol Lynn Pearson. It’s available on Kindle Unlimited, if you are subscribed. I chose this book as my LGBTQ read in a reading challenge I’m participating in this year, because I read it as a teenager, and it had a lasting impact on me. It was written by a well known LDS author of the time, and it was given to me to read by my mother. Rereading this book happened in fits and starts. Since I finished it again, I have been pondering on so many aspects of the book, my own beliefs, and my angel mother.
First off, I have been filled with gratitude for a mother who nurtured me with books. I have also felt extremely blessed to have a mother who was brave enough to give a teenager a book that seemed controversial at the time. I have also pondered on how my experience within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was different from Carol Lynn’s experience. Some of that has to do with being born later than her, but I also believe a lot of it has to do with the actions and strength of my mother and father. While I have seen instances of patriarchal dominance in the church at times, I never saw it in my home. My parents were always partners in temporal and spiritual matters. I never felt like one had greater knowledge or stewardship.
This book helped shape the way I think about love, especially in the sense of how much we are loved by our Heavenly Father. This is my belief. I know that this is not a universally held principle, and Ms. Pearson addressed it more universally than I just have. In the end, this was a story of love and family.
I found it hard to get past parts of the book when the two principles were lying to themselves and each other, but once they chose to be honest with themselves and others, it was much easier for me to continue reading.
This book may be outdated, but it is a beautifully historical account for me of family, faith, and love.
First off, I have been filled with gratitude for a mother who nurtured me with books. I have also felt extremely blessed to have a mother who was brave enough to give a teenager a book that seemed controversial at the time. I have also pondered on how my experience within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was different from Carol Lynn’s experience. Some of that has to do with being born later than her, but I also believe a lot of it has to do with the actions and strength of my mother and father. While I have seen instances of patriarchal dominance in the church at times, I never saw it in my home. My parents were always partners in temporal and spiritual matters. I never felt like one had greater knowledge or stewardship.
This book helped shape the way I think about love, especially in the sense of how much we are loved by our Heavenly Father. This is my belief. I know that this is not a universally held principle, and Ms. Pearson addressed it more universally than I just have. In the end, this was a story of love and family.
I found it hard to get past parts of the book when the two principles were lying to themselves and each other, but once they chose to be honest with themselves and others, it was much easier for me to continue reading.
This book may be outdated, but it is a beautifully historical account for me of family, faith, and love.
July 11, 2023
This was written in 1986, but set in the 60s and 70s. Well-known LDS writer marries a wonderful gay man and they have four children and eventually divorce because he wants to explore. Once he gets aids she allows him to move in and cares for him until he dies.
now I wish I had done Christmas traditions like reading “why the chimes rang “and the other Wiseman by Henry van Dyck.
And the game Authors, that they used to play, sounds really fun. I wonder if it’s still around.
Much of her trials, she felt alone in her suffering, thinking ward members would shun their family, or would not understand. When it finally got so bad that she had to tell her Bishop and relief society what was going on she was surprised to learn that she wasn’t so unusual, and she certainly wasn’t judged and scorned like she feared. “people who won’t even drink coffee have a hard time understanding homosexuality, and AIDS, but they don’t have a hard time, understanding suffering and need. Mormons have been dealing with disaster since Pioneer days. They can mobilize 100 wards to get out the sandbags against a flood in half an hour. And where other floods happen, private floods that leave you adrift, they can get there in a hurry too.“
And oh my gosh to the stake women’s activity about wedding dresses.
now I wish I had done Christmas traditions like reading “why the chimes rang “and the other Wiseman by Henry van Dyck.
And the game Authors, that they used to play, sounds really fun. I wonder if it’s still around.
Much of her trials, she felt alone in her suffering, thinking ward members would shun their family, or would not understand. When it finally got so bad that she had to tell her Bishop and relief society what was going on she was surprised to learn that she wasn’t so unusual, and she certainly wasn’t judged and scorned like she feared. “people who won’t even drink coffee have a hard time understanding homosexuality, and AIDS, but they don’t have a hard time, understanding suffering and need. Mormons have been dealing with disaster since Pioneer days. They can mobilize 100 wards to get out the sandbags against a flood in half an hour. And where other floods happen, private floods that leave you adrift, they can get there in a hurry too.“
And oh my gosh to the stake women’s activity about wedding dresses.
September 5, 2019
Autobiographical account of Carol's LDS marriage to a homosexual man. This was a powerful story told in a slightly clumsy way. I appreciated the insight into her journey through some really hard things. I feel like reading this story has made me a more compassionate, understanding person so thumbs up.
June 8, 2021
Someone recommended this book to me and I didn't know it was a Mormon book. I should have, though! Carol Lynn Pearson is a poet and wrote the words to the primary song "I'll Walk With You." That song has more meaning to me knowing her love for her homosexual husband/exhusband. This book was sweet and sad. Grateful for the example of people who love even when it's really hard.
December 31, 2020
4.5 Stars. I really enjoyed this book. It was well written and really easy to read. I read it is two sittings. I feel like it's a true love story in that they were best friends and even though Her husband couldn't return the same kind of love, Carol Lynn had the truth in her heart to continue loving Gerald. I laughed and I cried. Beautiful <3
Read
August 13, 2025I couldn’t stop reading this book, nor could I stop crying. It was so moving. Sad, sweet, hopeful. Truly a story about love.
June 13, 2018
Beautiful writing and a beautiful story. This spoke deeply to my heart.
December 10, 2020
This was an incredibly powerful story. It was sad and beautiful.
November 20, 2025
One of the best books I’ve ever read! Carol Lynn Pearson is my newest hero.
August 19, 2011
I just read a short story where these kinds of tell all memoirs were referred to as the "Look Ma, I'm Still Breathing." The book is about a religious Mormon woman, Pearson, who marries, in the 60's, a man she knows has had some struggles with homosexuality. Of course, things don't wok out too well and this tells the story of their marriage and collapse of their marriage. It was a quick read and pretty interesting. Although I think she was a little too easy on her husband when she finds out he has had affairs with men. I felt like they acted like since his homosexuality couldn't be helped, then of course he was going to cheat. I wondered if she would have had the same attitude of trying to understand her husbands "demons" if the cheating would have occurred with women. The author is also a little hung up on her place in the world, and her religion, as a woman. Pearson is also notable in the Mormon community for her poems, writing MY TURN ON EARTH and numerous church films including CIPHER IN THE SNOW. It does have an interesting message of acceptance, forgiveness and the attitude the Mormon Church used to, and still has, concerning homosexuality. But again, the major problem I had with the book is that Pearson tried to portray her husband as a victim, but I felt like he was selfish and acted without thought of his family, especially his kids. His being gay wasn't the issue for me, I just kept thinking - now if he were doing this all but with women, during and after the marriage, how would she have responded? Would she have portrayed him the same way? I don't think so.
September 28, 2009
I thought this book was very interesting. And I cried a lot. I was very impressed with Carol Lynn because she put her love of someone before the beliefs of the LDS church and the views and opinions of the culture at the time. I am sure that wasn't easy to do. So, bravo to her for being so loving and caring. (Isn't that what Jesus would want us to do??) AND how hard would it be to live a life, a perfect life, and then one day find out there is just one "little problem"? My heart ached for her and her children. I was quite intrigued that she still felt so strongly about her LDS beliefs after all of this occurred. I would really like to sit down with her and have a chat with her about it and see how she does this. I am curious. I started reading, but never finished, her book called, "No More Goodbyes," and I liked that book even more than this one. I hope to someday go back to it. I highly recommend both books! It may open your eyes and make you think differently about this subject.
May 21, 2012
I was profoundly moved by Carol Lynn's story in Goodbye, I Love You - can't believe it's taken me this long to actually get around to reading it! In an almost unimaginably difficult situation, Carol Lynn chose love. Instead of hate or anger or despair or resentment, she chose to continue to love and serve and grow and share. I'm sure she had her moments, and she talks a bit about them in the book, but the beautiful love she consciously chose just radiates off these pages.
While her feminism isn't front-and-center in this story, it's still there, an undercurrent throughout that informs her life choices. Her poetry is beautiful, too, and I'm grateful she shared a few of her poems in the book.
For more book reviews, come visit my blog, Build Enough Bookshelves.
While her feminism isn't front-and-center in this story, it's still there, an undercurrent throughout that informs her life choices. Her poetry is beautiful, too, and I'm grateful she shared a few of her poems in the book.
For more book reviews, come visit my blog, Build Enough Bookshelves.
September 2, 2010
I'm interested in reading this again... I believe I read it about 20 years ago, and I wonder how I would feel about it today. Carol Lynn Pearson is a remarkable woman. Her autobiographical story about marrying and realizing that her husband had a strong ongoing same gender attraction which he was unwilling to deny and the consequences and outcomes of their story made a lasting impression on me. It certainly made me sympathize with the trials that gay people and their families can suffer. Thanks goodness the days of ignorance are largely behind us... that people who experience same gender attraction are not encouraged to just marry someone of the opposite sex to solve the "problem". I think this isn't perfect, but it's a powerful book about love and the power of love.
May 13, 2008
Pearson tells the story of her courtship and marriage to a man who is gay. She details how this fact affected her marriage and family and how she nursed him through his death of AIDS. It's a very sad and haunting story. I guess what really bothered me were the red flags that were ignored early on in the romance when either one of them could have altered the direction of their relationship.
August 8, 2016
Carol Lynn Pearson is a gifted writer. In this book she takes us expertly through the love, joys, sadness, confusion, and beauty in the life of a gay Mormon man.
I love the way she wrote about how she learned not to be judgmental. She didn't claim to have any answers. She didn't claim that she understood. She didn't agree with him. She just accepted. And she just loved.
Bring tissues.
I love the way she wrote about how she learned not to be judgmental. She didn't claim to have any answers. She didn't claim that she understood. She didn't agree with him. She just accepted. And she just loved.
Bring tissues.
August 12, 2021
I came across Good-Bye, I Love You by Carol Lynn Pearson after discovering a 34-year-old copy of People magazine in my garage. I read the article on the author’s story, and recalled seeing Pearson on “Donahue”–this has to be 34 years ago–so I recall its resonance, especially on me as a young closeted gay man. Although the book has no formal subtitle, Pearson or her publishers explain what the book is about on the front cover: she had married a man whose gay dalliances drove them to divorce and eventually his later death from AIDS. I was able to acquire this book through my library system’s interloan service. Thanks to the Newmarket Public Library for lending it to us.
Pearson and her husband Gerald were devout Mormons who were pillars of their community. During their courtship Gerald revealed to her that he had had gay relations, but that he was over them and ready to move on with a wife and start a family. Pearson was so in love with him that she wasn’t worried about it, although 20/20 hindsight exposed the truth to her besotted blindness.
In 1986 when this book was written, an AIDS diagnosis was a death sentence. The Reagan administration was reluctant to deal with the “gay plague” and this form of official denial led to sanctioned homophobic ignorance. In the early eighties people were terrified of AIDS, giving rise to an AIDS panic where gay men were shunned or beaten up as scapegoats. With this environment in mind, it is a testament to Pearson’s faith and honour that she cared for her ex-husband in her home as he was dying of AIDS.
Pearson with Gerald’s support and financial backing became a published writer and poet and was often in demand as a motivational speaker. She could write a story that I did not want to put down. I raced through her book from the first page but accelerated my pace after she discovered that Gerald had been seen in gay bars.
The level of maturity in how the couple dissolved their marriage while remaining devoted to each other and their four children is a model to all of us. While gallons of tears flowed in this book, there was no rage. Pearson educated herself at Gerald’s urging and learned more about homosexuality than she had ever known before, and to this day is an advocate for gay acceptance in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
In spite of my admiration for Pearson and her devotion to her faith to care for her ex-husband on his deathbed, there is a marked datedness to the story in its overall depiction of homosexuality. No book published today would have used the word “homosexual” on the cover (and throughout the book to the extent that it did). The mot du jour in regards to a specific male context is “gay”. Granted, the author was chaste before marriage and lives her entire life according to devout Mormon principles, so a 21st-century gay awareness cannot be attributed to her over forty years ago. Nonetheless, certain remarks about Gerald struck me as jibes. For example, from as soon as page 8, shortly after she met her future husband, she remarked:
“And he was crazy about Barbra Streisand.”
She also commented on Gerald’s love of disco music over her own preference for dance music. Remarks like these could also be interpreted as personal reproaches, as if she was shaking her head as she was writing the book and saying “How could I not have known that Gerald was gay? He was crazy about Barbra Streisand and loved disco music.”.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 258 reviews