Sitting Target: How and Why the Narcissist Chooses You

by H.G. Tudor

Why did the narcissist choose you? How did he or she go about deciding that you were the ideal target for him to launch his campaign of seduction upon? Did you do something to attract the attentions of this dangerous foe? This direct and comprehensive book will enable you to understand what it is that the varying types of narcissist look for when they are searching for victims. Whether you wish to prevent it happening again or you need to understand why you were chosen, this book will deliver the answers in an uncompromising and straight forward manner. What are the things that various types of narcissist look for? How do they go about establishing their targets satisfy those traits? What are the Special Traits which attract all narcissists? Where are their hunting grounds and which is the most dangerous? Who does the narcissist go after and why are certain people left alone? What does the narcissist mean when he or she is looking for green lights? These questions and more are answered in this hard-hitting and unsettling look into why the narcissist chooses you.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology

149 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 14, 2016

Reviews

[Tera · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was actually scarily accurate in its description of me as the sitting target. Twice I have let narcissistic people into my life and twice I have become the victim of domestic violence in the exact manner described in this book. This particular book helped me identify why I become the target. Not because I want to change who I am, but because I want to be less gullible and manipulated when the predator approaches....they are very skilled in weaving their webs of deceit and entrapment. I very easily become seduced by their charm. No more...

[Janice Platt · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is teeming with typos, transposed words, omitted words etc. Is it deliberate in the way internet scammers use it to identify a person who will ignore obvious red flags like that?

Not much real information here. Being nice makes us targets of the nasty. It's easy to see what traits make us vulnerable to users. Better to tell us how to tell the difference between narcissists and other decent people who might be sincere when they show interest in us.

[Kasi Starr · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘HG Tudor’… my favorite narcissist. The information he has provided me has been invaluable when applied to my life. I have learned so much from him about myself and my addiction!

If you follow HG Tudor on YouTube or his blog, this will be a quick and easy read. You have a base knowledge of his class and cadre system, and will be able to understand the terminology he uses (such as ‘lieutenants’). If you have no prior experience with the author’s work, you may be a little lost.

Ultimately, I am glad I finally read this book. There is quite a bit of information in here, and my knowledge of narcissism and how I interact with it has been significantly increased. I am disappointed, however, with the editing. Or lack thereof. I regard HG as an intelligent and entertaining individual; I would expect that his work was flawless, in alignment with his sky high ego. Instead, I found myself needing to add and rearrange words in sentences in order to make them work. I would be embarrassed to recommend this book to others. The typos and awful grammar are *significant*. If I had never heard of him before, and this was my introductory experience, I would be inclined to promptly disregard him.

Check out his YouTube channel first. Get a good base knowledge of the information he provides, and the language he uses. It is the best decision I ever made for myself in my healing journey! THEN (and only then), give this a read. He offers an expansion of knowledge that is thick and deep. Knowledge not available on YouTube.
He offers real-life examples of what a victim’s seduction would look like from each of the different types of narcissist. He goes into minute detail of the (very specific) traits each type of narcissist has, as well as where you are likely to find them. I now know exactly which type of narcissist I attract and why, and therefore I am well informed about what to look out for in the future.

Looking forward to reading more of his books in the future. And hoping they have sent to an editor first 😝

[Shelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are in (or have recently been in) a relationship with a narcissist (or suspect that you have), H.G. Tudor’s insights will definitely help you untangle the ball of yarn created by relationships that have been built on lies. Written by a narcissist from the perspective of the narcissist, Tudor sheds light on all of the elements of the relationship that may have left you scratching your head in the aftermath. This is not a psychology text, but a pragmatic approach to both understanding and dealing with the ways you have been (and likely still are) vulnerable to being taken advantage of by people in your life who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This isn’t a literary masterpiece, and expect some grammatical and typographical errors along the way. But this does not detract from its usefulness when you have been unfortunate enough to encounter someone of this character. Consider it a handbook to include in your toolkit to identify OR extract yourself from OR avoid a future narcissistic entanglement.

[Abhya Jha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly helpful

As someone that has been ensnared by narcissists time and time again I find this book a must read for everyone. The author helped me identify traits in myself that make me vulnerable to their manipulation and also gave some invaluable information about how narcissist target their victim. HG Tudor has most certainly helped me and many like me get out of the toxic cycle of narcissist ensnarement, devaluation and discard. Almost like a Dark Angel, if I may say so, even though I'm well aware he is no angel. My heart weeps for his victims as I can imagine a narcissist of his level of self awareness and understanding would not be an easy man to deal with. Nevertheless, he has helped me immensely and for that I'm grateful and will make sure to recommend his work to friends and family.

[Deborah Slaughter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this!! Have your teenagers read it too and explain things to them!!! I am reading this as part of healing after narcissistic abuse and found it to be very illuminating regarding how I was targeted and what traits of mine led to me being more susceptible and desirable to them. I wish I had read this before I ever started dating because it shows, from the perspective of a narcissist, what they look for and how they go about approaching and love bombing you. There are a lot of dangerous people out there and at least this shows what to watch out for and be wary of so you’re not as likely to become a victim in the first place.

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly insightful and chilling

It's like reading a horrifying book of astrology and all of it's corresponding zodiacs. Which empath will be the victim of triangulation when the Victim Narc is in the shadow of the Mother in the 1st House of Pity, aligned with the Prime Aims? Ok, there's no astrology b.s. in here except how it's used by a particular narcissist. What IS in here is a very eye-opening and bleak guide to how you are being found and hooked in every time. This guide will make you both self aware and narc aware.

[JJ W · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you've been caught by a narcissist, you will spend hours ruminating about "Why? I'm a decent person! Why did they treat me like this?"
Wonder no more. This book will explain what character traits you possess that made you a magnet for abusers. It'll explain behaviours you engaged in that drew the narcissist to you. HG Tudor's long history of studying both narcissists and empaths makes him the #1 expert on how to avoid and escape abusive relationships!

[Kavish · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will prevent you from being ensnared by a predator.It's a detailed and excellent account of how a narcissist hunts.If you have been repeatedly ending up in relationships with narcissists i recommend that you read this.

Simply Brilliant!

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[Aliya · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book blew me away, with its enlightening information and for its candidness. It's written by a self-proclaimed narcissist. All other books on narcissists, which I read, were written by psychotherapists, with one or two written by victims. They both expressed the view from afar, which is helpful, but nothing comes close to this. This book gives you a live 3D image of the emotional mind mapping of a diseased (narcissist) heart.

Just as a doctor looks at a 3D image of a heart, through the latest technology, and performs complex heart surgery, knowing exactly what part is sick and in what way. This book does the same, except it used writing prowess to show you emotions, which are invisible. It's a short but very well written book.

I had so many aha! moments and many laughs as I understood the odd behavior of some people. I had a few defenses working for me, against these narcissists, and I didn't know it. At other times, I was highly susceptible, and I didn't know why. No one is 100% safe from diseased hearts, but if you know their pathology, you can take measures to protect yourself.

If your heart is diseased, you already know the game.......however, if you possess a clean and kind heart, then read this book. :p

[Ashieki LaRee Dixon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Straight to the point.

No fluff in this books, read in one day. Being able to make sense of what was and more importantly, what was done.

[Anna Black · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. If you wonder why me? How could this have happened? This is it.

[Ffiona · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Author Is Fully Cognizant Of What He Is Doing ~ He Is Proud Of His Predator Moves.

I can't bring myself to give this man 5 stars because I don't feel it is a genuine self help endeavour. I think this book,and all the others, are vanity projects [look at how clever I am] cold public service announcements.That being said, his books are pretty awesome - he has some exceptionally astute insights into the sadistic anti social mind.

HG Tudor (not his real name) is a cynical sociopath who outlines his distasteful system for manipulating & bullying unsuspecting women.He believes he can never be beaten because is in charge of every conquest situation and he derives pride from his lack of need for any specific woman - he likes to think they are all pretty much interchangeable.He applies rigid, cold and calculating methods that are very similar to those used by pick up artists who regard interactions with women as a game of strategy like chess or poker.He has absolutely no qualms about teasing women by pretending to offer up love. Apparently he can control women's minds and he takes sadistic pleasure in inflicting psychological pain and emotional executions. He plays on the tendency women have of building up illusions about men they don't really know and then falling for a fantasy ideal rather than the individual.

His strategic mindset is depressingly bleak. He is an unrepentant abuser who sees himself as an elite master manipulator - a svengali extraordinaire, capable of exercising tremendous self control while making very clever long range plans to deceive,hurt and exploit females. After the seduction stage is successfully completed he starts asserting his superiority by humiliating them...he lulls them into a false sense of security and then he nastily starts dropping things on them from a great height.Unlike some self obsessed,delusionally entitled men,who are unaware of what they are actually doing & do not even realise they are hurting their partner, he is fully aware of what he is doing,his behaviour is planned and controlled,he is a man who doesn't care about anyone but himself. He is a malicious and spiteful person with no capacity for warm empathy. His sort cannot connect emotionally and due to the lack of intimacy in the relationship and the absence of a genuine connection (a real self to real self connection) they quickly become bored frustrated and angry.

Why Is He Like This?
The author is a selfish bitter, hurting man who was relentlessly traumatised in his early childhood. He manages to distract himself from his emptiness through these meaningless relationship experiments with psychopath naive women,he loves the thrill of the cat and mouse chase. He is obsessed (to an OCD level) with seducing women and getting the upper hand over his conquest emotionally. He thinks about it constantly plans it and then gets a big kick out of pulling it off. He desperately needs to recreate the gleam in his mothers eye when he did something to please her (the victim is a stand in for his mother),he spent his childhood playing puppet to a "matri-narc" puppeteer and now he seeks to re enact that dynamic but with him in the control position and his victim as the puppet. He compulsively re-enacts his childhood trauma and he wants the victim to feel just as he did when he was a young child.Each sadistic rejection is an expression & a communication of his inner narrative. When he discards the woman Tudor is especially pleased that she is permanently damaged as it means she will forever be tagged as 'his' damaged goods.

He is fixated on garnering female attention he feels compelled to make a show of emotionally catering to women, he then manipulates them in the exact same way his mother manipulated his father and him.He loves the thought of disconnecting a woman's love wires & leaving her dangling & trying to function with what little is left, unfortunately the twisted sensation of power he experiences from doing this is very short lived so he has to keep repeating the abusive cycle to obtain another dose of the short term satisfaction that distracts him from noticing his inadequacy immaturity self hate and insecurity. As he is stuck at an infantile stage of development he is unable to create a relationship of satisfactory depth and therefore at the stage he begins to experience his impotence he starts the game of withholding his charm and coldly dismantles the situation before it gets to a state where he cannot control things and he is exposed as a fake.They want to dish out the discard first & they see that as a big win, they get out quickly before they are revealed as an effete weakling who is unable to form a mature relationship with a woman.They won because they protected themselves, that is the conscious feeling they have,it is a feeling of triumph and relief knowing that they managed to preserve themselves.

In order to understand this type of sociopath's mindset you have to put yourself into the shoes of a helpless child subjected to an excessive amount of control by a deranged mother. This child was seen as nothing more than a cardboard cut out and was violated psychologically on a daily basis, and this went on for years and years. Imagine being trapped in a house & held captive by someone you constantly have to appease and placate by acting in a certain manner. It’s an abnormal nightmare of an experience that violates the human psyche,damages the soul and eventually warps the mind of the captive. The sociopath was forced to lie a lot in order to deal with the abusive delusional parent.That person grows older - is it any wonder they keep lying, they are in a perpetual state of distrust - they are absolutely terrified of people. His manipulative behaviour is a form of self protection (power-reassurance) & his punitive aggression towards women has an anger/retaliation component to it.

Catering to the more emotional romantic side usually works more on women than it does on males as the romantic impulse is not as strong in men.The author has learnt to present himself as some sort of Prince Charming fantasy man,romantic hero (a fictitious construct designed to appeal to a woman's self indulgent romanticism) in order to trick & deceive her into being with him.Then he ends up resenting them for falling in love with his syrupy false self act rather than who he really is. He really is a monster with hoarded resentment towards females - he hates them for making him re-enact the exhausting soul destroying solicitous act he had to preform for his abusive refrigerator mother.

This author is marketing himself as a ruthless narcissist but due to the fact the process he uses is identical to those of serial killers and paedophiles, I regard him as a sociopath with narcissistic traits.

The Abuse Cycle

Target identification.The predator tries to find a victim.This might go on for hours days and sometimes months, until the perfect victim will be found. In this phase the sociopath follows a specific behaviour pattern.

Wooing (grooming) Phase..."is there any room in your life for romance"
In the wooing phase the abuser tries to win the confidence of a victim before leading her down the garden path & luring her into a honey trap.He puts great efforts into gaining his victim's trust. This is a very important phase because the sociopath can only proceed to harm those who allow him to gain their trust. Once the trust is received, the predator will then lure the victim into a situation where the mask can gradually start to slip.

Capture Phase
This is where the sociopath feels comfortable to reveal what he is.He usually savours this moment,especially his victim's sense of confusion,incredulity & distress. It is fun (playtime) for him as it meets sadistic needs.

Fatal Phase
This phase is the ritual reenactment of the disastrous experiences of the sociopath's childhood, but this time he reverses the roles and he is showing the female (a stand in for his mother) exactly who is the boss, who is superior. He will psychologically torture her in a slow,destabilising manner.This phase is often delayed because the act of destruction itself is not the motive; rather, it is the torturing that they enjoy most and there is no point appealing to a sadist's better nature because (1) he has depersonalised the victim (2) he hasn't got one.

Totem Phase
The next phase is the totem phase. After the abuse and discard, the excitement of it all suddenly drops and he wakes up from his fantasy. He is likely to sink into a depression, which is why some men develop some kind of ritual to preserve their fantasy. They may keep their victims possessions as a trophy to serve as a remembrance of the intoxicating power he experienced at the time of the grand finale.

Depression Phase
The last phase before the sociopath starts it all up again is the depression phase. There is a great emotional let down for the predator. The forensic psychologist Robert Ressler who developed psychological profiling at the FBI compares it to a television serial with no satisfactory ending.

* How Women Can Protect Themselves From Mentally Disturbed Con Men - The Need To know Yourself Better.
These men are predatory and are always looking for some kind of weakness or vulnerability.They play upon vanity, insecurity, greed for flattery, the need to be needed or some other personal character flaw to pull off their sick trick. Any woman who is able to take a look at her own self serving motivations for wanting flattery and syrupy attentiveness will ensure there is no foothold for a conman. He will not be able to play on her vanity because she has no illusions as to her greatness.There is an old saying "You just can't con an honest Jon" and this means a truly honest person operating with a fully functioning authentic self has nothing to be insecure about.A person with personal integrity & an authentic self awareness is much less susceptible to be taken in by a predatory con artist as they will apply high moral standards to others and easily notice when the other persons behaviour feels off in some way,at some level they would be able to discern the vibe of incongruity he was giving off. People who see themselves clearly and have the courage to unflinchingly acknowledge their undesirable and/or wounded parts will avoid being conned by these callous creeps.When they realize that a target/victim knows what they are up to and is resisting their con,the game is over and they immediately move on.

"If you asked every victim of a narcissist, they would admit they had a gut instinct that something was not quite right & they ignored it"