Football Clichés

by Adam Hurrey

'A must-have' - The Telegraph
'Book of the Week' - The Independent
'Hilarious' - Sport Magazine

In what other context do football fans use the words 'aplomb' or 'derisory'? Why don't we use 'rifle' as a verb on the other six days of the week? Why do aggrieved midfielders feel the instinctive need to make a giant ball-shaped gesture with both hands after a mistimed tackle is punished?

The more football Adam Hurrey watched, the more he began to spot the recurring mannerisms, behaviours, opinions and iconography that were mindlessly repeated in the football media.

Some cliches are ridiculous, some are quaintly outdated, some have survived through their sheer indisputability. Here, featuring gloriously pseudo-scientific diagrams and the inimitable writing style that made footballcliches.com a smash hit, they are covered in all their glory.

Genres: Football, Nonfiction, Sports, Soccer

208 pages, Paperback

First published October 9, 2014

Reviews

[Blake · Rating 4 out of 5]

Football Cliches by Adam Hurrey, simply, is a compendium of clichés upon which the modern-day football world dances. The book hums along in a sprightly pace, and is a breezy read. You will laugh and you will smile wryly at the wordplay at work here, and anyone familiar with Hurrey’s work will get a kick out of it, as I did.

Over fourteen chapters, Hurrey puts the spotlight on hundreds of clichés that are pervasive in football media and weaves them into his prose. From those heard on the field to those heard in the commentary box and everywhere in between, each cliché is keenly and humorously described. Clever diagrams are also featured, and although they are mostly irrelevant, they serve to further solidify Hurrey’s patented sense of football humour (the graph of ‘Minutes of Stoppage Time v Incredulity’ is typical of this humour).

“Hammered – So evocative a term for powerful long-range efforts that it even extends to players’ nicknames, such as German midfielders Jorg ‘The Hammer’ Albertz and Thomas ‘Der Hammer’ Hitzlsperger, neither of whom needed a second invitation to shoot during their time in British football.” (pg. 16)

“They may find, however, that their adversary is no slouch and he himself may need no invitation to bomb on. The historically undersung full-back has gradually been liberated by the era of relative gung ho-ism that the backpass rule ushered in. They are not free to buccaneer or maraud to their lungs’ content, provided they are just as good going the other way.” (pg. 40)

The writing does drag in the latter stages when the novelty of the writing form wears off. A book made up of lists is likely to do that, no matter how good the writing is. So, to sum up, Football Cliches does exactly what it says on the packet, and does it well.

HIGHLIGHTED PASSAGE

“Welcome to the Premier League – The standard English top-flight welcome pack for few foreign signings consists of three items: a pair of oversized headphones, a designer washbag and an agricultural challenge from an old-fashioned centre-half.” (pg. 94)

STARS: 3.5/5
FULL TIME SCORE: 2-1 win. An entertaining first half with the three goals scored, though the game gently falls away as players run out of legs.

[Redouane · Rating 5 out of 5]

خمسة نجمات لأنه بالنسبة لي لا يوجد ما يعاب في هذا الكتاب

في "كليشيهات الكرة" يقوم الصحفي أدم هيوري بالغوص في معجم كرة القدم الذي تم بناءه، كلمة بكلمة، من طرف رجال الصحافة، معلقي المباريات، المدربين، اللاعبين، وكذلك الجمهور. لماذا نقول "تمريرة ميلمترية"؟ هل هناك أي سياق آخر يوصف فيه أي شيء على أنه "ميلمتريّ"؟ هذه واحدة من الأشياء التي صرنا نتقبلها كشيء طبيعي ومنطقي وجزء لايتجزء من حوار كرة القدم

الكتاب جميل ومسلي وأوصي به لكل محب لكرة القدم، خصوصاً متابعي كرة القدم الإنجليزية

[Simon Adams · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mildly entertaining at first but then becomes a little difficult to read. The book appears to be written purely to sate the whims of the author. Some interesting observations on football vocabulary but not really particularly humorous. Maybe seasoned to be read a section at a time, or one of those “by the toilet” reads for ‘guests’ to dip into.

[Zak Smart · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyed. Having listened to the podcast for a while, much of it was clearly very similar - obviously, the book came first. Short and worth a read.

[Greg McEnaney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyable dismantling of the entirely ridiculous jargon embedded into every level of the beautiful game.

[Jeff · Rating 5 out of 5]

This sort of book probably has a limited audience, but in a world of niche fandoms, literally every soccer fan who also likes words should read this quick and funny text AND become a devotee of the podcast, which is some of the best two hours a week you can spend. If you took the whole "I gave 110% and just executed the game plan and all thanks to God" post-game interview gag (Key and Peele?) and applied it to soccer but writ large -- interviews, in-game commentary, obligatory tweets, transfer rumor language, etc., you get the absurdity and hilarity that is Football Cliches. Whether you're "in and around" the defender, at "sixes and sevens," or even "a bit of both, really", this book is an essential primer for football hipsterdom. Listen, fair play.

[Hannu Pelttari · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hurreyn jalkapallokliseiden kokoelma on huvittava, myös suomalaiselle, jos on seurannut englanninkielistä jalkapallomaailmaa. Emme varmaan löydä suomenkielessä 73 eri versiota maalintekemisestä futiksessa. Vähän hiuksia halkoen Hurrey kuitenkin kirjaa näin monta variaatiota howitzerista walking it in -kliseisiin. Listalta puuttuu kuitenkin ainakin rabona ja suomalainen takavasara (backheel on vain kantapää). Kun Hurrey kirjaa myös ilmaisut siitä kun maali jää tekemättä, hän pääsee sataan!

Suomessa sanotaan kanuuna ja ohjus, englanniksi mm. worldly, excocet, thundered, arrowed, hammered, rifled, screamer ja jo mainittu Howitzer. Eli kyllä me häviämme briteille. Jännää miten jalkapallo on luonut sanoille uusia merkityksiä, joita käytetään vain jalkapallon yhteydessä home on koti arkikielessä, mutta jalkapallossa maali. Greasy on rasvainen, paitsi futiksessa kasteltu kenttä. Lynchpin pitää renkaan kiinni akselissa, jalkapallossa taas sitkeä ja uskollinen toppari, johon voidaan luottaa, handbag on käsilaukku, paitsi futiksessa pelaajien torikokous ja verbaalinen rähinä jne.

Meillä on jääkiekossa ylämummo, jolla ei varmaan ole lajin ulkopuolista käyttöä, mutta onko jalkapallossa sanoja, jotka ovat vain jalkapalloa. No takavasara. Mutta entä tuollaista brittien tapaa muuttaa sanat tarkoittamaan jotain muuta jalkapallon kielessä? Muulinpotku on muulinpotku, mutta jalkapallossa hirveä kanuuna, joka ei kyllä välttämättä mene maaliin. Huvikseen tämän voi lukea ja huvikseen siitä kolme ja plus tähteä. Lopussa Hurrey alkaa käydä läpi myös sunnuntaijalkapalloilijoiden kliseitä ja se ei ehkä kuulunut tähän, televisiotason futiksen irvailuun. Mukava on myös kuinka Hurrey näkee läpi tyhjänpäiväisen selostuskielen ja puhkoo täysin mitäänsanomattomat pelaajien haastattelut.

[Ivan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not so much a book as a glossary of football terms every fan would know and no no-fan would be interested in. In its core it is more of an attempt to have a friendly laugh (or "banter"?) at sports media than anything else.

[Jared · Rating 4 out of 5]

Picked up this book after listening to Adam's podcast. Very enjoyable but starting to show it's age. An updated second edition with extra chapters for VAR, etc would be very welcome.

[Tom Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

so good, funny and captivating read. a lot has changed as well in the 8 years since release but still cold

[Henrik Warne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite an enjoyable read. I was really surprised at how many clichés there are when it comes to describing football, and yet I recognized most of them. The author has done a good job of organizing them accoding to topic (goal scroing, goalkeeping, transfer markets etc), and discussing the usage of them. At times very funny, but I had to pace myself a bit reading it, since it could otherwise become too much of a good thing.

[Andy Dutton · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read for football consumers!

This book is funny! It cuts to the core of what it means to be a football consumer, it makes you look at yourself with an unnerving level of self-awareness, and cringe at some of the ridiculous cliches you have absent-mindedly bought into.

Love football? This book is a must read!

[Luke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny and well observed commentary on the various tropes and sayings that litter the game of football, from games on TV to the grassroots version and things that people say during five-a-side games. It's hard to believe there are so many cliches in the game these days but I believe there is now a sequel to this as well, which I will definitely read at some point soon.

[Luke Aminu · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good laugh and also very accurate!

A recommended read for those either new to football or very familiar with the game. Lots of the content will give you a chuckle, especially when you realise how accurate it is.

[Jack Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

A witty and comical but accurate analysis of the language of modern day football. A light read, this book has everything from the hallowed turf all the way up to Row Z.

Adam’s Football Cliches podcast also makes for a great listen for those who would prefer to a book!

[Richard Spear · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amusing. Laughed out loud in many places.

[Pietro Polsinelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

A light tone, a light theme but the underlying research must have been a lot of work. Extremely useful for anyone creating a video-game on football. Just sayin'.

[Dave Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick read and immensely entertaining. Highly recommend.

[Scott E · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit like reading a dictionary at times but fairly entertaining. Hammers home how actually ridiculously cliched football commentary is. Slightly outdated in terms of transfer fees

[Mantra Dave · Rating 4 out of 5]

i am a football cliches podcast superfan so horribly biased here. book is not as good as the podcast but that bar is absolutely unfair so still pretty interesting/funny.

[Jed Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you want to understand how people talk about English football…this is your guide.

[Anantha Giri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sometimes all you need is a book that you enjoy mindlessly with lot of laughable moments.

[James Foord · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a book this was by the way

[Freddie Tuson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Adam Hurrey there, now he's certainly a man who knows a thing or two about football cliches.

[Dean Baggaley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A highly amusing read, finished with aplomb !

[Charlie Theobald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love the podcast - a fun book to accompany, excites to read Adam’s newest release

[Aamer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Delightful dissection of the bizarre language of football.

[Lewis S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been sitting on my shelf for a few years and I’ve turned down many gilt-edged chances to pick it up and dust it down. But after ploughing through it over the jam-packed festive season, this book has netted a five-star review, though ‘five-star’ should be reserved for five-goal routs. Laughed a lot and it is an easy-to-follow, well written book by Adam Hurrey.

[Nate · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a book this was, by the way.

very funny and dry humour. an interesting and intelligent look at the language around football and would function as a translation guide for friends of lovers of football

[Dylan Bell · Rating 3 out of 5]

I actually think Adam Hurrey’s a bit of a genius, to be honest.

I’m really not sure why this didn’t grab me. Right now I can’t even articulate why. Maybe one day I will?

3* feels harsh but I can’t give it 4 and I certainly can’t give it 2, so, here we are.