What do you think?
Rate this book
I Will Find You: A Reporter Investigates the Life of the Man Who Raped Her
When Joanna Connors was thirty years old on assignment for the Cleveland Plain Dealer to review a play at a college theater, she was held at knife point and raped by a stranger who had grown up five miles away from her. Once her assailant was caught and sentenced, Joanna never spoke of the trauma again, until 21 years later when her daughter was about to go to college. She resolved then to tell her children about her own rape so they could learn and protect themselves, and she began to realize that the man who assaulted her was one of the formative people in her life.
Setting out to uncover the story of her attacker, Connors embarked on a journey to find out who he was, where he came from, who his friends were and what his life was like. What she discovered stretches beyond one violent man’s story and back into her own, interweaving a narrative about strength and survival with one about rape culture and violence in America.
Setting out to uncover the story of her attacker, Connors embarked on a journey to find out who he was, where he came from, who his friends were and what his life was like. What she discovered stretches beyond one violent man’s story and back into her own, interweaving a narrative about strength and survival with one about rape culture and violence in America.
214 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 5, 2016
99 people are currently reading
5121 people want to read
About the author
Joanna Connors
2 books56 followersJoanna Connors is an award-winning journalist whose work has appeared in the Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Glamour, and Redbook, amongst others. Her journalism awards include the 2008 Medill Medal for Courage in Journalism from Northwestern University, and Columbia University’s Dart Award for Excellence in Coverage of Trauma for her series of pieces in the Cleveland Plain-Dealer about her rape and eventual decision to track down the man who did it.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 330 reviews
April 4, 2016
5 stars for how engaging and moving this memoir was. Given the topic, I was somewhat reluctant to read I Will Find You, but decided I would give it a try. Joanna Connors is a journalist. She was raped in her early 30s while on an assignment. Over 20 years later, she decided she had to tell her near adult children about the rape, and that she also wanted to understand more about what happened to her and her rapist. The title "I Will Find You" has a double meaning. This is what Connors' rapist said to her before leaving her, and finding herself and finding out about her rapist is what Connors finally decided she was ready to do over 20 years later. Obviously, what Connors went through is horrible, but my 5 star rating is not sympathy for what she experiences but rather based on the strength of her book -- what she has to tell and how she tells it. She deals with her own reaction to the rape at the time it occurred and in the many years since then. She deals with the impact of the rape on her family and marriage. She deals at great length with her rapist's background, including some very moving in depth interviews with some of his family members. She deals with all of it with breathtaking and heartbreaking honesty and sensitivity. She reflects on her own situation, while managing to have a tremendous amount of empathy for people she meets and interviews, including two of the rapist's sisters. And adding strength to the mix, Connors is a really good writer -- her writing is straightforward, but very descriptive and nuanced. In the end I felt that Connors had achieved her personal goal of understanding herself, the rape and her rapist. But she also worked really hard to write a book that speaks honestly and powerfully to her audience. I would add that you should not shy away from reading this book because you may be concerned about reading the details of a rape. It is described graphically, but fairly briefly and in clinical terms. If you have an inkling of an interest in the topic, this is a book well worth reading. Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an opportunity to read an advance copy.
June 27, 2016
This is a difficult book to review because the subject matter is so disturbing.
In July 1984, when Joanna Connors was 30, she was raped at a college campus in Cleveland, Ohio. A newspaper reporter, Connors had gone to the college to meet an interview subject, but instead she ran into a man who held a knife to her throat and assaulted her for about an hour.
The man let her live, making her promise not to tell the police because he didn't want to go back to prison. After escaping, the first person Connors saw was a parking lot attendant, who called the police for her. Amazingly, the rapist was caught the next day when he returned to the campus, searching for another victim.
Connors tried to bury this trauma and not talk about it, but she admitted she spent much of her life being afraid and anxious, and she was also very protective of her children. It wasn't until 2005, when her daughter was ready to go off to college, that Connors realized how terrified she was and decided to tell her son and daughter about the rape.
How do you tell your children a story you never want them to hear? How do you explain how it made you the mother you were?
Connors said that discussion started a quest to learn more about her attacker, David Francis. She got copies of court documents, interviewed people connected with the case, looked up the guy's criminal record, and even met with his relatives.
This book is a difficult and uncomfortable read, but it is well-written and Connors is an engaging narrator. I was so engrossed in this book that I stayed up late to finish it, and felt great sympathy and relief for Connors that she survived such an ordeal. I would cautiously recommend this book, with the warning that the description of the rape is graphic and disturbing.
Meaningful Quotes
"The last thing he said to me was 'I will find you,' and deep inside the primitive, alarm-prone amygdala at the base of my brain, I still believed him. He had lurked in the shadows of my life all those years, watching me, waiting for me. I still dreamed about him. I still floated out of my body when I thought about him. I thought about him all the time. He was going to find me."
"It occurred to me only much later that I had been sentenced as well, to a mixture of chronic fear, silence, and shame — a shame that never made sense to me, but that I would one day learn I shared with almost all rape victims. Why do we feel this shame? What do we do with it?"
"I hoped writing about David Francis would make the fear go away, but I wanted more. I wanted this random act of rape to have meaning. I wanted to do what human beings have done for thousands of years — tell the stories that help us understand who we are and what happened in our lives to shape us."
"Here I am supposed to be safe. But I can't believe it anymore. I've lost the illusion, the pretty, dangerous illusion, that the world is safe. The woman who woke up in this bed fourteen hours ago — the woman who was five minutes late to everything, the woman who thought bad things happened to other people, if she thought about it at all — is gone."
"'I was raped.' Why is it so hard to say these three words? They are simple, declarative. But I can't do it. The words will always burn in my throat."
"Rape doesn't just hurt one person. It wounds an entire family."
"We all have burdens we carry through life, grief and disappointments that we can't change. But we can make them lighter if we don't hide them, if we don't try to bear them silently and alone."
In July 1984, when Joanna Connors was 30, she was raped at a college campus in Cleveland, Ohio. A newspaper reporter, Connors had gone to the college to meet an interview subject, but instead she ran into a man who held a knife to her throat and assaulted her for about an hour.
The man let her live, making her promise not to tell the police because he didn't want to go back to prison. After escaping, the first person Connors saw was a parking lot attendant, who called the police for her. Amazingly, the rapist was caught the next day when he returned to the campus, searching for another victim.
Connors tried to bury this trauma and not talk about it, but she admitted she spent much of her life being afraid and anxious, and she was also very protective of her children. It wasn't until 2005, when her daughter was ready to go off to college, that Connors realized how terrified she was and decided to tell her son and daughter about the rape.
How do you tell your children a story you never want them to hear? How do you explain how it made you the mother you were?
Connors said that discussion started a quest to learn more about her attacker, David Francis. She got copies of court documents, interviewed people connected with the case, looked up the guy's criminal record, and even met with his relatives.
This book is a difficult and uncomfortable read, but it is well-written and Connors is an engaging narrator. I was so engrossed in this book that I stayed up late to finish it, and felt great sympathy and relief for Connors that she survived such an ordeal. I would cautiously recommend this book, with the warning that the description of the rape is graphic and disturbing.
Meaningful Quotes
"The last thing he said to me was 'I will find you,' and deep inside the primitive, alarm-prone amygdala at the base of my brain, I still believed him. He had lurked in the shadows of my life all those years, watching me, waiting for me. I still dreamed about him. I still floated out of my body when I thought about him. I thought about him all the time. He was going to find me."
"It occurred to me only much later that I had been sentenced as well, to a mixture of chronic fear, silence, and shame — a shame that never made sense to me, but that I would one day learn I shared with almost all rape victims. Why do we feel this shame? What do we do with it?"
"I hoped writing about David Francis would make the fear go away, but I wanted more. I wanted this random act of rape to have meaning. I wanted to do what human beings have done for thousands of years — tell the stories that help us understand who we are and what happened in our lives to shape us."
"Here I am supposed to be safe. But I can't believe it anymore. I've lost the illusion, the pretty, dangerous illusion, that the world is safe. The woman who woke up in this bed fourteen hours ago — the woman who was five minutes late to everything, the woman who thought bad things happened to other people, if she thought about it at all — is gone."
"'I was raped.' Why is it so hard to say these three words? They are simple, declarative. But I can't do it. The words will always burn in my throat."
"Rape doesn't just hurt one person. It wounds an entire family."
"We all have burdens we carry through life, grief and disappointments that we can't change. But we can make them lighter if we don't hide them, if we don't try to bear them silently and alone."
April 19, 2016
Connors was a young reporter running late for an assignment for the Cleveland Plain-Dealer (still her employer) when she was raped in an empty theater on the Case Western campus. She had ignored the twinge of alarm she felt when a young guy with an Afro invited her in to see his work on the lighting– not wanting to be that stereotypical white woman afraid of black men – and that was it. By using present-tense narration, Connors makes the events of 1984 feel as if they happened yesterday: a blow-by-blow of the sex acts forced on her at knife-point over the nearly one-hour duration of her rape; the police reports and trials; and the effects it all had on her marriage and family.
It wasn’t until 2005 that Connors, about to send her daughter off to college, felt the urge to go public about her experience and discover the traces of her rapist. “I will find you,” he warned her as he released her from the theatre, but she turned the words back on him. Although she quickly learned that David Williams had died after 16 years in prison, that didn’t deter her from locating his family and learning everything she could about what made him a repeat criminal. And the truth she found is just heartbreaking: Williams’s family story is a terrible welter of violence, abuse, drugs and prostitution. She never uses this to explain away what Williams did, but it gives her the necessary compassion to visit the man’s grave. As his imprisoned brother asked, “What did we do wrong to deserve such a tragic life?”
The 1980s were a key time for advances in rape legislation and medical examination. Yet Connors recognizes that the social implications of a black man raping a white woman were the same as they’d been for over a hundred years:
This is an excellent work of reconstruction and investigative reporting. It’s not actually the best rape memoir I’ve encountered this year; that honor goes to Ruined by Ruth Everhart, though it’s a close-run thing. The fact that there have been a whole cluster of rape memoirs this year (also including On Being Raped by Raymond M. Douglas and Jane Doe January: My Twenty-Year Search for Truth and Justice by Emily Winslow, both of which I also intend to read) proves this is an issue that needs to be in the public eye.
Connors was struck by how many women came to her with their own rape stories, including two colleagues and two of Williams’s sisters. None of them saw their rapists brought to justice. In many cases rape is still not even reported, often for fear of not being believed. Statistics suggest that 1 in 5 American women will be raped in their lifetime. Those numbers are an affront, and to add insult to injury by not prosecuting most cases is unacceptable. Let’s hope books like Connors’s help to change the culture.
It wasn’t until 2005 that Connors, about to send her daughter off to college, felt the urge to go public about her experience and discover the traces of her rapist. “I will find you,” he warned her as he released her from the theatre, but she turned the words back on him. Although she quickly learned that David Williams had died after 16 years in prison, that didn’t deter her from locating his family and learning everything she could about what made him a repeat criminal. And the truth she found is just heartbreaking: Williams’s family story is a terrible welter of violence, abuse, drugs and prostitution. She never uses this to explain away what Williams did, but it gives her the necessary compassion to visit the man’s grave. As his imprisoned brother asked, “What did we do wrong to deserve such a tragic life?”
The 1980s were a key time for advances in rape legislation and medical examination. Yet Connors recognizes that the social implications of a black man raping a white woman were the same as they’d been for over a hundred years:
I’m the perfect witness because I’m a journalist, trained to observe details and remember them. But I know what he really means. To him, I’m the perfect victim because I happen to fulfill just about all the requirements of a woman accusing a man of rape, going back to before the Civil War. I am white, educated, and middle-class. I resisted, and I have a cut on my neck, bruises still healing on my spine, and a torn and bloodstained blouse to prove it. I immediately ran to report the rape.
Needless to say, David Williams is the perfect defendant: black, poor, and uneducated, with a criminal record. If only I’d been a virgin, too, [the prosecutor] would have had everything he needed for a swift and successful trial.
This is an excellent work of reconstruction and investigative reporting. It’s not actually the best rape memoir I’ve encountered this year; that honor goes to Ruined by Ruth Everhart, though it’s a close-run thing. The fact that there have been a whole cluster of rape memoirs this year (also including On Being Raped by Raymond M. Douglas and Jane Doe January: My Twenty-Year Search for Truth and Justice by Emily Winslow, both of which I also intend to read) proves this is an issue that needs to be in the public eye.
Connors was struck by how many women came to her with their own rape stories, including two colleagues and two of Williams’s sisters. None of them saw their rapists brought to justice. In many cases rape is still not even reported, often for fear of not being believed. Statistics suggest that 1 in 5 American women will be raped in their lifetime. Those numbers are an affront, and to add insult to injury by not prosecuting most cases is unacceptable. Let’s hope books like Connors’s help to change the culture.
February 10, 2017
***NO SPOILERS***
It could be the title for a romance or maybe a thriller, but I Will Find You is the title of a memoir about rape, and those four words are significant. They were the last ones Joanna Connors’s rapist said to her before leaving her, bruised and bloodied, in a parking lot.
Connors was a newspaper reporter on an assignment when she was raped by a stranger in a deserted theater in 1984. Her memoir easily could be an angry and self-pitying railing at this man who changed her life on one ordinary summer day, but Connors did something unusual. This is what I Will Find You is about. In an open, easy style, she explained how, to fully heal, she needed to find him; she needed to know all about her rapist, where he came from, who, exactly, he was. It’d be easy to dismiss Connors’s rapist as a monster, but by presenting his history, she gave her rape a context, and this, in turn, makes her memoir powerful.
She divided her memoir into two well-organized parts. Part one reaches back in time to recount what happened when she entered the theater and was raped. She was honest about the rape and spared no details, while also dispelling some common perceptions. Her rapist was short and slight, with soft, undefined muscles; he didn’t “look like a rapist.” Real-life rape is wholly different from most fictionalized versions:
Part two takes place closer to when she wrote her memoir and concerns her research into her rapist. Parts one and two have the potential to feel like two stories tacked together, but Connors made part two always feel relevant to part one. The two are equally interesting, presenting the rapist with a sympathetic touch, but just sympathetic enough; never does she suggest that he was undeserving of punishment.
It also wasn’t lost on Connors that she had a distinct advantage as an educated, middle-class, white woman when she was violently raped by a poor black man, and a stranger at that. Those facts alone meant she was likely to win when she took her case to court, and she did win. Racial tensions in Connors’s hometown of Cleveland, Ohio play a significant role in this book, and that’s vital to add further context and richness.
I Will Find You wraps up with a closure that feels natural and with much to ponder. Connors’s prose never rises too far above journalistic, but it belies a complexity that makes her memoir required reading on the still-misunderstood topic of rape.
It could be the title for a romance or maybe a thriller, but I Will Find You is the title of a memoir about rape, and those four words are significant. They were the last ones Joanna Connors’s rapist said to her before leaving her, bruised and bloodied, in a parking lot.
Connors was a newspaper reporter on an assignment when she was raped by a stranger in a deserted theater in 1984. Her memoir easily could be an angry and self-pitying railing at this man who changed her life on one ordinary summer day, but Connors did something unusual. This is what I Will Find You is about. In an open, easy style, she explained how, to fully heal, she needed to find him; she needed to know all about her rapist, where he came from, who, exactly, he was. It’d be easy to dismiss Connors’s rapist as a monster, but by presenting his history, she gave her rape a context, and this, in turn, makes her memoir powerful.
She divided her memoir into two well-organized parts. Part one reaches back in time to recount what happened when she entered the theater and was raped. She was honest about the rape and spared no details, while also dispelling some common perceptions. Her rapist was short and slight, with soft, undefined muscles; he didn’t “look like a rapist.” Real-life rape is wholly different from most fictionalized versions:
It occurs to me--probably not then, probably later--that rape is a clumsy business. It’s nothing like the movie versions. The clothes come right off in the movies, usually ripped dramatically. Nothing gets stuck. The rapist knows what he’s doing and works with efficiency. He never has trouble maintaining an erection. As for the victim, she either fights back and escapes--after kneeing the rapist in the groin, of course--or she dies in horrifying violence that will be avenged by the hero.There’s absolutely no “fade to black” in this book, and Connors’s careful description of what occurred fills a few pages. She continued to be honest in discussing her complex feelings in the years following the rape.
Part two takes place closer to when she wrote her memoir and concerns her research into her rapist. Parts one and two have the potential to feel like two stories tacked together, but Connors made part two always feel relevant to part one. The two are equally interesting, presenting the rapist with a sympathetic touch, but just sympathetic enough; never does she suggest that he was undeserving of punishment.
It also wasn’t lost on Connors that she had a distinct advantage as an educated, middle-class, white woman when she was violently raped by a poor black man, and a stranger at that. Those facts alone meant she was likely to win when she took her case to court, and she did win. Racial tensions in Connors’s hometown of Cleveland, Ohio play a significant role in this book, and that’s vital to add further context and richness.
I Will Find You wraps up with a closure that feels natural and with much to ponder. Connors’s prose never rises too far above journalistic, but it belies a complexity that makes her memoir required reading on the still-misunderstood topic of rape.
July 6, 2016
This memoir was very unsettling to read, and a story that you will definitely lose sleep over.
Joanna Connors was thirty years old when she was brutally raped at knife point, while on assignment for the Cleveland Plain Dealer. Her rapist was arrested the next day and was later convicted of this horrible crime. Joanna will go on to have two children with her husband and grow her career as a reporter. But as the years go on, she realizes she has internalized all of her fear and anxieties. She states in her book: "It occurred to me only later that I had been sentenced as well, to a mixture of chronic fear, silence, and shame-a shame that never made sense to me, but that I would one day learn I shared with almost all rape victims. Why do we feel this shame? What do we do with it?"
So after two decades, she begins the healing process; she tells her children about the rape and decides to write a story about it. The Cleveland Plain Dealer supports Joanna in this process and wants to publish her story. She begins to do research about her rapist and his upbringing, spending years visiting his relatives and poring over files. Her courage and compassion during this time was nothing short of amazing.
I have thought a lot about Joanna Connors since reading this book. How brave she was to come forward and share her story, not only to her children, but to the world. It is much easier in life to "sweep things under the rug" and never discuss the difficulties that we have faced in life. She will help many people with her honesty, not just rape survivors, but anyone who has been through a challenging life event. Thank you, Joanna Connors, for being so courageous and sharing your story.
Joanna Connors was thirty years old when she was brutally raped at knife point, while on assignment for the Cleveland Plain Dealer. Her rapist was arrested the next day and was later convicted of this horrible crime. Joanna will go on to have two children with her husband and grow her career as a reporter. But as the years go on, she realizes she has internalized all of her fear and anxieties. She states in her book: "It occurred to me only later that I had been sentenced as well, to a mixture of chronic fear, silence, and shame-a shame that never made sense to me, but that I would one day learn I shared with almost all rape victims. Why do we feel this shame? What do we do with it?"
So after two decades, she begins the healing process; she tells her children about the rape and decides to write a story about it. The Cleveland Plain Dealer supports Joanna in this process and wants to publish her story. She begins to do research about her rapist and his upbringing, spending years visiting his relatives and poring over files. Her courage and compassion during this time was nothing short of amazing.
I have thought a lot about Joanna Connors since reading this book. How brave she was to come forward and share her story, not only to her children, but to the world. It is much easier in life to "sweep things under the rug" and never discuss the difficulties that we have faced in life. She will help many people with her honesty, not just rape survivors, but anyone who has been through a challenging life event. Thank you, Joanna Connors, for being so courageous and sharing your story.
July 11, 2016
This is it. My rape. I knew it was coming. Every woman knows it, anticipates it, fears it, yet also doesn't believe it will happen to her. And now here it is. My turn.
4.5 stars! Fantastic, heart-wrenching, and spectacularly engaging. I Will Find You is a standout work of nonfiction.
In 1984, Joanna Connors was raped and assaulted in an empty theater on a college campus. For years, she pushed the trauma away and convinced herself that she was over it. He was in jail, what was there to mull over? But when it's time for her daughter to go to college, Joanna can't keep ignoring the past.
The last words her rapist said to her were, "I will find you."
It's time for Joanna to find him.
First things first; this is a hard book to read. In Chapter Two, Joanna describes her rape. It's long and detailed and very difficult to read. It's necessary of course. In describing the horror and disassociation that she went through, Joanna made me feel connected to her and her case.
How far back do you have to go to find the origin story of a monster?
We follow Joanna in two timelines, in the aftermath / court case following the rape, and in 2007 when she decides to find out what happened to Dave. It ends up taking some totally unexpected turns, but it kept me engaged for every minute I read it.
The writing! Oh my god, the writing is so good. Such a sad book needs talented writing to support it, and there's no shortage of talent here. Joanna Connors is a journalist, but there is a beautiful emotional quality to her writing here. It's bare and gorgeous and painfully honest. She talks about everything with such a sense of raw openness. The parts that got to me the most were when she talked about worrying more about her daughter than her son. She knows the terrible things that can happen on college campuses. She knows the police may help you, but then again, what if she hadn't had the cuts and bruises to prove it? What if she wasn't a 'good victim'? What if your file doesn't land on the right desk? Are you doomed just because you were born female?
I thought the first half was paced slightly better than the second half, but I have no substantial complaints. It's a stellar book. I don't know if I could every read it again due to the subject matter, but I do know that everyone who asks for a nonfiction recommendation for the next year is getting this shoved in their faces.
You're going to want a box of tissues and one or more pets nearby. Be prepared. I Will Find You will make you think and stomp your heart into pulp. And you'll like it.
Thanks to Atlantic Monthly Press & Edelweiss for the digital review copy!
4.5 stars! Fantastic, heart-wrenching, and spectacularly engaging. I Will Find You is a standout work of nonfiction.
In 1984, Joanna Connors was raped and assaulted in an empty theater on a college campus. For years, she pushed the trauma away and convinced herself that she was over it. He was in jail, what was there to mull over? But when it's time for her daughter to go to college, Joanna can't keep ignoring the past.
The last words her rapist said to her were, "I will find you."
It's time for Joanna to find him.
First things first; this is a hard book to read. In Chapter Two, Joanna describes her rape. It's long and detailed and very difficult to read. It's necessary of course. In describing the horror and disassociation that she went through, Joanna made me feel connected to her and her case.
How far back do you have to go to find the origin story of a monster?
We follow Joanna in two timelines, in the aftermath / court case following the rape, and in 2007 when she decides to find out what happened to Dave. It ends up taking some totally unexpected turns, but it kept me engaged for every minute I read it.
The writing! Oh my god, the writing is so good. Such a sad book needs talented writing to support it, and there's no shortage of talent here. Joanna Connors is a journalist, but there is a beautiful emotional quality to her writing here. It's bare and gorgeous and painfully honest. She talks about everything with such a sense of raw openness. The parts that got to me the most were when she talked about worrying more about her daughter than her son. She knows the terrible things that can happen on college campuses. She knows the police may help you, but then again, what if she hadn't had the cuts and bruises to prove it? What if she wasn't a 'good victim'? What if your file doesn't land on the right desk? Are you doomed just because you were born female?
I thought the first half was paced slightly better than the second half, but I have no substantial complaints. It's a stellar book. I don't know if I could every read it again due to the subject matter, but I do know that everyone who asks for a nonfiction recommendation for the next year is getting this shoved in their faces.
You're going to want a box of tissues and one or more pets nearby. Be prepared. I Will Find You will make you think and stomp your heart into pulp. And you'll like it.
Thanks to Atlantic Monthly Press & Edelweiss for the digital review copy!
May 10, 2016
Joanna Connors displays more courage on every page than I have in a lifetime of writing.
December 5, 2021
Me ha emocionado y sorprendido que Joanna Connors consiga que sintamos lástima del violador por sus circunstancias personales, familiares y su miserable vida.
January 3, 2018
Najskôr tá otázka stála takto: "Prečo ja?" A potom sa zmenila na: "Prečo on?" Je to síce prílišné zovšeobecnenie, ale Joanna Connors si podľa vlastnej knihy prešla množstvom vnútorných stavov od panického strachu, sebaobviňovania, hanby, zvažovania samovraždy, až po odhodlanie pochopiť, prečo sa jej to všetko stalo. Jej príbeh nie je len o pátraní po násilníkovi, ktorý jej život za hodinu otočil naruby, je o bielo-čiernej Amerike, segregácii, nefungujúcom súdnictve, katastrofálnych podmienkach vo väzniciach, o bezohľadnosti voči obetiam. Kniha Nájdem si ťa je o krajine, kde sa síce prisahá na Bibliu a panoráme viacerých štátov dominujú billboardy s Božími prikázaniami, ale systém nedokáže mnohých ochrániť a už niektoré deti prepadnú drogám a prostitúcii.
Pochopila som motiváciu Connors vysporiadať sa s príšernou skúsenosťou formou reportáže: "Dlhovala som to ostatným ženám, ktoré znásilnili." Ale k záveru som mala pocit, akoby násilníka ospravedlňovala. Návšteva cintorína mi pripadala ako poriadny extrém.
A ešte jednu vec som pri čítaní zistila - nenormálne vecí robí ten, čo prichádza z nenormálneho prostredia. Bodka.
Pochopila som motiváciu Connors vysporiadať sa s príšernou skúsenosťou formou reportáže: "Dlhovala som to ostatným ženám, ktoré znásilnili." Ale k záveru som mala pocit, akoby násilníka ospravedlňovala. Návšteva cintorína mi pripadala ako poriadny extrém.
A ešte jednu vec som pri čítaní zistila - nenormálne vecí robí ten, čo prichádza z nenormálneho prostredia. Bodka.
May 19, 2018
Este libro es... ¿maravilloso, increíble? No sé definirlo. Sé que es necesario, que es desgarrador, que está terriblemente bien escrito y concebido. No he podido dejar de llorar con el relato de Joanna, pero también he sentido cosas que nunca creí sentir en un libro que investiga una violación. Porque va mucho más allá de eso. Joanna Connors sufrió algo horrible (no solo durante la agresión, sino también durante los siguientes veinticuatro años en los que vivió deprimida y aterrada) y sin embargo fue lo bastante valiente y fuerte para plantarle cara a sus miedos y vencerlos. En este libro desentraña, además, otras cuestiones importantísimas y nos da una lección de humanidad que casi (casi) te hace empatizar con un agresor sexual. La cultura de la violación, las injusticias y la marginalización estructural de las minorías raciales, la educación disfuncional en los ambientes violentos y cómo todo ello está ligado a la delincuencia, la drogadicción, la prostitución... Un libro para abrir los ojos y la mente y concienciarse. Un libro para desterrar la ira.
October 8, 2016
The author of this book was raped in 1984. She spent 23 denying and swallowing her pain. This book is her attempt to crawl out of the hole she fell into that horrific night. She discovers that her rapist had died so she finds his family, visits the jail that housed him, and finally his grave. It is not a happy story but it provides a close and harrowing look at rape from many different perspectives.
May 2, 2018
Fakt síla. Opravdu nevím, jak popsat knížku, v níž někdo do detailů podává výpověď o vlastním znásilnění. Joanna Connors sama přiznává, že přestože to zpočátku viděla jinak, znásilnění není jen o té jedné osobě, které se to nejvíc týká, ale i o všech okolo. A tohle všechno ve své knize popisuje, svoje obavy, traumata, vypěstované návyky, předsudky, které mít nechtěla a za které se styděla, stud jako takový, výčitky, sebeobviňování, strach…prostě všechno. Už jen tím, že se po dvaceti letech vydala po stopách hrozného zážitku, ukazuje, že z něčeho takového se nedá nikdy úplně vzpamatovat. Ale bojovat s tím jde a boj Connorsové ukazuje znásilnění i z druhé stránky, kdy dává dohromady rodinné pozadí násilníka. V žádném případě nejde obhájit to, co udělal, ale zrovna tady je dobře vidět, že každá mince má dvě strany a že kořeny všeho špatného vychází už z rodiny, genů, nevzdělanosti, nefunkčnosti systému. Když čtu takové knížky, fakt si přeju, aby se víc pozornosti zaměřilo na kvalitní vzdělání a osvětu už odmalička – nikdy to nezabrání všemu, faktorů ovjivňujících násilí je hromada, ale může to rozhodně zmenšit počet nejrůznějších projevů násilí, nenávisti a předsudků. Protože ta čísla (nejen) znásilnění i v dnešní době jsou šílená.
December 13, 2016
This was such a haunting and affecting memoir. Joanna Connors' story is so compelling and moving. This one explores the writer's rape by a stranger in the 1980s and the aftermath of that event. The subject matter is definitely disturbing. It's not for everyone. The events that took place are described in detail which may be too much for some readers. After her rape, the author tries to push her feelings about this rape away, to pretend it was over and she was fine. But, it eventually floats up and just won't go away. And so this memoir outlines her re-visiting what happened to her as well as exploring the background of the man who raped her. She's, in essence, trying to make sense of it and how it impacted her life.
It's a really engaging read that I think gave me another perspective on trauma and how it plays out in our lives. After working with rape victims over the years, much of Joanna Connors' experience resonated with me. This is a really haunting book that can help you give you perspective and insight into the experience of a rape victim and the aftermath of their experience.
If the content isn't too disturbing for you, I think this is a really important book that will help a reader understand the impact of trauma on victims and their families.
It's a really engaging read that I think gave me another perspective on trauma and how it plays out in our lives. After working with rape victims over the years, much of Joanna Connors' experience resonated with me. This is a really haunting book that can help you give you perspective and insight into the experience of a rape victim and the aftermath of their experience.
If the content isn't too disturbing for you, I think this is a really important book that will help a reader understand the impact of trauma on victims and their families.
October 17, 2017
Jedna z najlepšie napísaných absyntoviek.
December 17, 2020
One afternoon, decades ago, a young reporter arrived at a university theater in Cleveland, Ohio. She was late for her appointment to interview the play’s production crew. The only man left in the building invited her onstage to see how the lights worked. But he never showed her the lights. Instead, he raped her.
The author shares the details of the rape itself as well as her experience reporting the crime, the embarrasment of the police officers, the glee of her lawyer at having such a "perfect" victim, the coldness of the judicial process, and how this trauma effected her mental health, marriage, and family. She also does an excellent job framing these events in a certain time and place with regard to the racial and socio-economic factors at play.
Wanting to understand how she and her rapist crossed paths in life, she then explains how she researched his past, and she outlines what she learned.
This is a worthy read for anyone battling PTSD for any reason. It’s also valuable for family and friends trying to help a loved one through trauma or for any student of crime and justice.
The author shares the details of the rape itself as well as her experience reporting the crime, the embarrasment of the police officers, the glee of her lawyer at having such a "perfect" victim, the coldness of the judicial process, and how this trauma effected her mental health, marriage, and family. She also does an excellent job framing these events in a certain time and place with regard to the racial and socio-economic factors at play.
Wanting to understand how she and her rapist crossed paths in life, she then explains how she researched his past, and she outlines what she learned.
This is a worthy read for anyone battling PTSD for any reason. It’s also valuable for family and friends trying to help a loved one through trauma or for any student of crime and justice.
February 7, 2022
Bala som sa ako to bude napisane, ale je to novinarka a pisat vie. Je dolezite, ze napisala o tom ako dokazala svoju traumu zatlacit a co to nasledne sposobilo a ako nasla cestu sa tym vyrovnat. Bola to nakladacka, pri ktorej som neplakala, ale mrazilo ma z nej. Aj jej opis hladania preco to spravil (nie ona) ukazal Ameriku taka aka je, segregovana, s nelichotivym sudnictvom, ze tam kde je v rodine nasilie, pokracuje nasilie a je ho skoro nemozne zastavit, ak sa to podari aspon jednemu surodencovi, je to pomaly zazrak. Zila s nim (v hlave z toho, co jej urobil) 20 rokov neustale, a asi bude s tym zit este dlho. Ale ano, aj toto bola cesta, kedze ho uz nemohla konfrontovat, mozno lepsia a slobodnejsia, bez strachu. Ako novinarka sa dostala k informaciam, kde sa bezny clovek zrejme nedostane, ale do knihy to malo zmysel dat a ukazat veci v sirsich suvislostiach.
Nakoniec davam 5*, lebo nemam na porovnanie inu knihu, ktora takto do hlbky opisuje traumu znasilnenej zeny.
Nakoniec davam 5*, lebo nemam na porovnanie inu knihu, ktora takto do hlbky opisuje traumu znasilnenej zeny.
May 18, 2016
I WILL FIND YOU
Written by Joanna Connors
April 2016; 272 Pages
Genre: nonfiction, crime, memoir
★★★1/2
In 1984, a reviewer for a newspaper, Joanna Connors is raped in empty University theater. Her rapist is caught the next day and is convicted 30-75 years in prison. After her last day in court, Joanna decides to put away the rape incident but it actually takes over her life for the next twenty years. When her college bound daughter is looking at University, she decides to tell her and her son about being raped so they can understand her anxiety and actions. This only leads her to think she needs closure. For that closure, as a reporter, she decides to find her rapist - to understand but to more so to heal.
This is Joanna's personal account of one of the most influential incidents in her life. She wrote this not just for herself but for other survivors. So how do I rate or review this book? If you are looking for a engaging crime memoir, this is not it. This is written like a very well edited journal. You have to let go of your views a bit and just go on Joanna's journey with her. This is a good book for women to read because it is a honest and emotional account of something a lot of women go through. It gives you tools to be kind to people because you don't truly know someone's story.
Written by Joanna Connors
April 2016; 272 Pages
Genre: nonfiction, crime, memoir
★★★1/2
In 1984, a reviewer for a newspaper, Joanna Connors is raped in empty University theater. Her rapist is caught the next day and is convicted 30-75 years in prison. After her last day in court, Joanna decides to put away the rape incident but it actually takes over her life for the next twenty years. When her college bound daughter is looking at University, she decides to tell her and her son about being raped so they can understand her anxiety and actions. This only leads her to think she needs closure. For that closure, as a reporter, she decides to find her rapist - to understand but to more so to heal.
This is Joanna's personal account of one of the most influential incidents in her life. She wrote this not just for herself but for other survivors. So how do I rate or review this book? If you are looking for a engaging crime memoir, this is not it. This is written like a very well edited journal. You have to let go of your views a bit and just go on Joanna's journey with her. This is a good book for women to read because it is a honest and emotional account of something a lot of women go through. It gives you tools to be kind to people because you don't truly know someone's story.
May 2, 2018
,,Trasiem sa. Nedokážem to ovládať. Toto je ono. Teraz ma znásilnia. Vedela som, že sa to raz stane. Každá žena to vie, očakáva to, bojí sa, a súčasne verí, že jej sa to nemôže stať. A hľa. Prišiel rad na mňa."
čo ma ale prekvapilo, nie je to len kniha o znásilnení, o dopade na život a rodinu, autorka krásne oísala systematický pôvod sociálnych problémov v USA.
možno si pri niektorých jej pasážach čitateľ povie, že to s tým nemá žiaden súvis. no ona presne vedela, prečo to napísala.
opisuje zlyhanie vlády počas hurikánu Katrina či zlyhanie drogovej reformy, ktorá len pritvrdila systematickému rasizmu a chudobe.
nečakané a šokujúce zážitky nás emočne otupia.
hnev a žiaľ si ale nesieme so sebou ďalej.
ona, ako novinárka o tom napísala knihu.
čo ma ale prekvapilo, nie je to len kniha o znásilnení, o dopade na život a rodinu, autorka krásne oísala systematický pôvod sociálnych problémov v USA.
možno si pri niektorých jej pasážach čitateľ povie, že to s tým nemá žiaden súvis. no ona presne vedela, prečo to napísala.
opisuje zlyhanie vlády počas hurikánu Katrina či zlyhanie drogovej reformy, ktorá len pritvrdila systematickému rasizmu a chudobe.
nečakané a šokujúce zážitky nás emočne otupia.
hnev a žiaľ si ale nesieme so sebou ďalej.
ona, ako novinárka o tom napísala knihu.
Read
September 16, 2023This a tough one to rate. I so wanted to give Connors's book four stars. 3.5 is more accurate than 3, though. Before I read it I was hoping for a five star read. Perhaps my expectations were unrealistic to begin with. I'm one of the in five women; I know what rape feels like.
I know what it's like to want to understand why men rape. I keep reading, looking for answers. I sometimes get why someone raised in violence acts out towards others. But why do some people also learn from experience, break the cycle and become nonviolent individuals.
The book kept my interest, I read it straight through. But for me, Connors's writing was at times flat and distant and I disliked the way the book split in half, the personal experience and then the rapist's family history. I'm still trying to figure out exactly why the structure bothered me: On the cover it says, "A Reporter Investigates the Life of the Man Who Raped Her." The investigation into his life seemed secondary, however, to Connors's experience; the first half of the book was about Connors, instead of the rapist.
I know what it's like to want to understand why men rape. I keep reading, looking for answers. I sometimes get why someone raised in violence acts out towards others. But why do some people also learn from experience, break the cycle and become nonviolent individuals.
The book kept my interest, I read it straight through. But for me, Connors's writing was at times flat and distant and I disliked the way the book split in half, the personal experience and then the rapist's family history. I'm still trying to figure out exactly why the structure bothered me: On the cover it says, "A Reporter Investigates the Life of the Man Who Raped Her." The investigation into his life seemed secondary, however, to Connors's experience; the first half of the book was about Connors, instead of the rapist.
January 19, 2018
Nečekala jsem, že to bude příjemné čtení, ale bylo to mnohem silnější než by si jeden představoval. V celé knize není snad kromě historky o nošení skleněného oka do zastavárny vůbec nic pozitivního. Ten závěr se hřbitovem je takový divný, ale chápu, že autorka si to všechno potřebovala asi nějak uzavřít.
March 1, 2024
neskutočne silné čítanie. autorkina štedrosť, citlivosť a schopnosť vidieť jej vlastný hrozivý zážitok v súvislostiach je obdivuhodná a odhodlanie ho tak aj popísať je nesmierne hrdinské.
January 26, 2020
Toto je moja prva absyntovka a palec hore. Fakt, ze je to "true story" je dychberuci. Pribeh o znasilneni, jeho nasledkoch,ktore sa dotkli nielen Joanny ale aj jej manzela a detí, neustali strach a uzkost s ktorymi zila cele tie roky..a nasledne snaha najst muza, ktory vsetky tieto utrapy sposobil...co ho vsak viedlo k tomu? Aky bol jeho zivotny pribeh? Velmi sa mi pacilo, ze autorka poukazala aj na osud muza ktory jej zmenil zivot a ako sa stym pokusila vysporiadat.
July 19, 2023
Muy dura la historia de Joanna Connors. No busca sensiblería barata. Únicamente expone su violación de forma respetuosa y periodística, manejando los tiempos y los silencios, sin buscar el morbo, únicamente un ejercicio catártico .
Imprescindible.
Imprescindible.
May 15, 2017
OH MY GOD.
This is the most beautiful, moving, important book that I have read in years. It may have struck me this way because it is exactly the book I needed to read at this moment in my life, but even if that is true, it is still a brave, beautiful account of a rape survivor's story -- and her rapist. Although stranger rape is not as common as date-rape or acquaintance-rape, that is what happened to Joanna Connors. The aftermath of her rape - a trial, a conviction, the opportunity to speak with her rapist's family members twenty years down the line - is unusual for most survivors, but the emotional anguish and disassociation she describes experiencing in those twenty years is universal.
Connors looks at her experience with not just an introspective eye but also a critical one, weaving statistics about abuse, rape, and incarceration throughout her narrative. While this may seem distracting or odd to some, it makes total sense for her as a journalist. I found myself wanting to highlight passages and make notes in the margins to return to and show to other survivors -- especially those who experience the kinds of cognitive dissonance so many compassionate survivors do. Connors's husband wanted her to be angry, but she felt numb; she didn't want vengeance so much as to face her fears and understand how her rape -- and her rapist -- came to be, something that I imagine many people would have trouble understanding.
I am rambling and gushing a little. I just finished this book an hour ago and will likely be thinking about it for days or weeks afterward -- I am going to have to buy my own copy. I just can't say enough good things about this book.
One caveat: there is a graphic description of rape in this book, which might seem obvious, but isn't always -- Mac McClelland's phenomenal Irritable Hearts: A PTSD Love Story describes the aftermath of trauma without recounting her own -- and this may be problematic for some readers in getting past the first few chapters.
This is the most beautiful, moving, important book that I have read in years. It may have struck me this way because it is exactly the book I needed to read at this moment in my life, but even if that is true, it is still a brave, beautiful account of a rape survivor's story -- and her rapist. Although stranger rape is not as common as date-rape or acquaintance-rape, that is what happened to Joanna Connors. The aftermath of her rape - a trial, a conviction, the opportunity to speak with her rapist's family members twenty years down the line - is unusual for most survivors, but the emotional anguish and disassociation she describes experiencing in those twenty years is universal.
Connors looks at her experience with not just an introspective eye but also a critical one, weaving statistics about abuse, rape, and incarceration throughout her narrative. While this may seem distracting or odd to some, it makes total sense for her as a journalist. I found myself wanting to highlight passages and make notes in the margins to return to and show to other survivors -- especially those who experience the kinds of cognitive dissonance so many compassionate survivors do. Connors's husband wanted her to be angry, but she felt numb; she didn't want vengeance so much as to face her fears and understand how her rape -- and her rapist -- came to be, something that I imagine many people would have trouble understanding.
I am rambling and gushing a little. I just finished this book an hour ago and will likely be thinking about it for days or weeks afterward -- I am going to have to buy my own copy. I just can't say enough good things about this book.
One caveat: there is a graphic description of rape in this book, which might seem obvious, but isn't always -- Mac McClelland's phenomenal Irritable Hearts: A PTSD Love Story describes the aftermath of trauma without recounting her own -- and this may be problematic for some readers in getting past the first few chapters.
February 9, 2016
Joanna Connors was a young reporter who got raped in an empty theater when she was 31 years old. From then on, she suffered from PTSD, which wasn't diagnosed 30 years ago; none of the psychiatrists and other therapists she visited realized that it's not just veterans that suffer from PTSD. Connors does an impressive job of recounting what occurred and how she felt without being self-pitying. She has the best description of dissociative disorder that I've ever read. I wished that the author could have had more effective treatment early on that could have helped her overcome her ever-present anxiety, fear and depression. It's a powerful story, very well done.
SPOILER ALERT
Eventually she decides to hunt down her rapist's family to learn how he became such a vicious man. Using her reporter's research skills and dogged determination, she finds information that informs her about how the rapist became the man he was. She acknowledges that many people have dysfunctional families and don't become violent adults, but at least his behavior is no longer a mystery for her.
SPOILER ALERT
Eventually she decides to hunt down her rapist's family to learn how he became such a vicious man. Using her reporter's research skills and dogged determination, she finds information that informs her about how the rapist became the man he was. She acknowledges that many people have dysfunctional families and don't become violent adults, but at least his behavior is no longer a mystery for her.
August 26, 2018
Overall, a tough read. I've read many books on the subject but not any from a first-person perspective until this one. I applaud Connors for the courage it took to confront and discuss her rape and also for the attention she pays to social issues that impacted her rapist (plus seeing how her background also provided her with advantages when prosecuting). I think this book's structure was one its downfalls for me. The second half of the book focuses on lots of family lore and rumors, especially from people who hadn't heard from or seen their relative (the man who raped Connors) for years. It provided a choppy discussion of the circumstances him and his siblings grew up in, which still left me with questions. I also think the writing had two modes: it could either be very honest and open (esp. the first couple chapters) and at other times very clinical and far away (discussing her rapist's prior arrests, connecting with the sisters).
August 30, 2016
This was a very educational journey for me as I was expecting it to be, and I shed many tears along the way. This book will really, really get you thinking. I did not agree with some of her compassion she has for criminals and how they are treated in the prison system. I found it remarkable that she could feel compassion for them after what happened to her. However, the stories told of their childhoods and what they endured during their most vulnerable and formative years on this earth really makes you think. I picked this book up for one reason. I knew that if I was ever raped by a stranger, I too would want to know who they were, where they came from and why our paths intersected on that destructive day.
December 10, 2017
4,5/5
Wow, tak toto bolo silné.
Wow, tak toto bolo silné.
November 13, 2024
This is a definitely a difficult topic to read about, I found myself needing to take lots of breaks while reading. As Joanna Connors shares such a personal story with us, I would recommend checking out possible trigger warnings before picking this book up
August 13, 2017
One of the most horrific books I've ever read. I got through the worst parts when I was awake in the middle of the night, all alone (thanks to jet lag). If the book had stayed ugly, I would have given it up, but much like One of Us, it managed to redeem itself and be more about hope and recovery and the power of good people...but only just. Connors describes her rape in great detail, so if you don't think you can handle that kind of content, don't read this book (or at least don't read that section). I don't think I'm the kind of person that can handle that kind of content, actually, but I got through it. Connors explains her decision to include so much detail as wanting to demonstrate how rape in real life is nothing like what you see in the movies (or whatever). In my opinion, that justifies the explicit description of an actual thing that happened to a real person - rape is overused in TV and movies these days as a thing that happens to any given female character when the writers deem it convenient, all glossified and dramatic and plot-furthering. This book reminds you that that is not the case in real life (in case you needed reminding).
Connors writes that as she was attacked, she remembers thinking:
"This is it. My rape. I knew it was coming. Every woman knows it, anticipates it, fears it, yet also doesn't believe it will happen to her. And now here it is. My turn."
This strikes me as being one of the most horribly true things I have ever read.
I wavered between three and five stars for this review. I think the book is strongest in its second half, when we move beyond Connors' personal story to the wider context of what was going on in the lives of her attacker and his family around the time of the rape. It reminded me of The Other Wes Moore, but so, so much more depressing.
Connors writes that as she was attacked, she remembers thinking:
"This is it. My rape. I knew it was coming. Every woman knows it, anticipates it, fears it, yet also doesn't believe it will happen to her. And now here it is. My turn."
This strikes me as being one of the most horribly true things I have ever read.
I wavered between three and five stars for this review. I think the book is strongest in its second half, when we move beyond Connors' personal story to the wider context of what was going on in the lives of her attacker and his family around the time of the rape. It reminded me of The Other Wes Moore, but so, so much more depressing.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 330 reviews