At the height of his Fake Steve Jobs fame, Dan Lyons gave a talk at Google’s Mountain View campus. I was unable to go due to travel or more likely some stupid meeting, but several friends went. One of them was excited to report that Mr. Lyons was just like me — even down to the acne scars all over our necks.
While I’m a fan of Mr. Lyons and I really enjoyed the book, I’m not sure how I feel about him taking the job at Hubspot in the first place. If you are taking a job with a purposely vague title like “marketing fellow” — and oh, how the tech industry loves to lift titles from other industries like that — then it’s reasonable to assume that flexibility will be required in the responsibilities of that role.
So this was “not a culture fit” and not in the age discrimination way (though there was plenty of that) if someone takes a vaguely defined role and then essentially complains about the lack of structure while asking permission to do stuff. Perhaps this came from working in more structured newsrooms? I have no idea because my idea of what newsrooms are like comes from Mencken’s Newspaper Days and the Daily Bugle in Spiderman comics.
Having gotten that unpleasantness out of the way, I still greatly admire the little tech carpetbagger for his determination to leave no bridge unburned and for his sharp observational skills. I was so captivated by the book that I read it straight through in one sitting. I started a list of all the things that I felt Mr. Lyons got right about startup culture along with my own thoughts:
* Being “managed out”: I’ve only seen it happen to other people (natch), but the part with Trotsky is about as good of a description of being managed out as you are going to read.
* Early employee/Friend-of-CEO effect: The book perfectly captures the way that early employees (and they are loaded up with stock, so when the company goes public they will make oh so much more than you will) can hunker in to the company and make life miserable for everyone else.
* Boiler room approach to tech: Basically anything that can’t be automated (outbound calling, approving ads or websites, turning pages in a book) at tech companies are done with rooms full of recent grads. The bottom 5-10% are culled every so often and replacements are brought in. There are buildings full of these people in and around Mountain View.
* BS creation myths for start ups: It has always annoyed me how most startups need a creation myth. YouTube has this story about the founders being at a dinner party and wanting to share videos that they made blah blah blah… But you can go on archive.org and see very clearly that it was set up to be a dating site, sort of a video Hot Or Not. I am certainly guilty of repeating these false narratives at countless sales calls though.
* Age discrimination: I was being called “old man” and similar even back when I joined Google at 35. I even remember in my early 30s the son of the CEO where I worked scrunched up his face and asked me, “What are you? Like 40?” I’m still not sure what he meant by that. I still get a comment every few weeks or so that I’m not crazy about, so I close my laptop and stop working for the day in response. I don’t think my age affects my ability to get hired because I’ve always felt smarter and more employable then just about everyone around me. I went to a conference a few weeks ago and half a dozen companies were interested in hiring me (though I’m very happy where I am now thankyouverymuch).
* Can’t step in the same river twice: Mr. Lyons paints this as a bad thing, but he captures the chaos and change at a fast growing start up. It means there will be wasted effort, which isn’t great, but it also creates great opportunities. And when I feel like quitting a start up job I remind myself (or someone else does) that everything will change in about 3 months anyway, so I put a tickler in my calendar to reconsider until then.
* The weird linking of personal and work life: This has only gotten worse over the past decade or so I have noticed. The way he almost gets fired for a FB joke is worse than anything I’ve seen, but I don’t doubt it. It was really common for co-workers to date early in my career, but now I know of apartment buildings where the majority of the apartments are taken by people from one company. The norm today seems to be for co-workers to live and play together in a huddle like puppies. This is something obviously not possible for middle aged workers, except maybe as the premise of a sitcom.
* Discrimination against funny people: In Silicon Valley genuine humor is always frowned upon and turned against you, mainly because humor always has an element of truth to it and shows a clarity of perception, two things that are never tolerated in tech. In almost every review I have had, my sense of humor has shown up in the “negative” or “needs work” column, even when managers are friends. So if your humor idols are Wilde, Thurber, Benchley, Mencken, Lynde think twice before saying anything and don’t drink too much at company events. If you think Friends and Big Bang Theory are hilarious, you will go far. They may even put you on the April Fools Day joke committee.
* VC, industry-level view: The more the book zooms out, the more it becomes truly great. This is where Reporter Lyons takes over from Tech Carpetbagger Lyons and I learn a whole bunch of stuff about how this current boom is being funded and how the wealth is being transferred. These parts are worth the price of the book alone.
* BS review methodology: Google used to do this too. They had this big long Drake equation thingie where they plugged in your performance, your department’s performance, Google’s performance, etc. The upshot every year was (1) you are average, (2) the company is spectacular, (3) here is a bunch of money, (4) shut up and go eat some free food. It felt like a sad Christmas each time. It always came out to just over my expected bonus anyway, so I never understood the psychology of messing with my head.
* No one understanding pop culture references: This always trips me up, being a generation ahead of most co-workers. There was a time when a Caddyshack reference *always* got a laugh in sales situations. (Hey Lama, how about a little something for the effort?) I was talking about a recent vacation, and I mentioned that my Spalding Gray Swimming to Cambodia moment finally happened when Jethro Tull came on the radio in my bitchin’ Camaro. The conversation quickly ground to a halt. I realized it would take at least 20 minutes to unpack all of the dated cultural references I made, so I softly said “never mind” and saved it for people closer to my own age. I try to stick to Classical Greek and Roman references because they are the foundation of our culture and it’s not my fault if people don’t get them. You’d be surprised how often you can work in a reference to the Thirty Tyrants or Xenophon’s Anabasis.
* Asymmetric loyalty mores: My career spans three recessions, so I’m always ready to bug out like a M*A*S*H unit. I don’t keep any more on my desk than I can fit in my backpack. I’ve seen layoffs blamed on everything from 9/11 to California’s Governor Davis. Everything except poor management.
* Open offices: The next logical step in the modern office is to have organ grinders walk around while monkeys jump on desks knocking things over. If I didn’t know better I’d think that our backs are exposed to emphasize that we workers are low-status primates.
What was missed or what I’d like to read in the sequel (I’m available to speak on deep background):
* McKinsey colonization. If Mr. Lyons had stuck around a few more years he would witness the stage where the ex-McKinsey and a few ex-Bain consultants come in to form a “biz ops” department and start rationalizing the business processes. I am usually long gone by then. This was dramatized in Office Space when the “Bobs” come in, except these Bobs are way smarter than me, way better educated than me, and super super evil. God help anyone who doesn’t fit neatly into one of their spreadsheets.
* People staying too long at companies: In my experience people stop learning useful skills around 5 years at a company unless they change positions or radically change what they are working on. After those 5 years, they just learn company politics (how to hire friends, how to fly 1st class, what VP to schmooze for what). So when someone leaves (or more likely is laid off) after 10 years they will expect to be paid for 10 years experience when they really only have 5 years of relevant experience.
* Push down of risk and upside: There was some mention of egregious rounds like Groupon’s last round, but a discussion of investor preference and conversions and cram downs would have been great too. Also I’m pretty sure that Mr. Lyons had to wait 6 months to sell his stock. This is the standard these days so that preferred stock has plenty of time to bail out first if necessary. The other trend is that companies go public at a way higher valuation these days, which reduces upside for rank and file employees. (Netscape went public at a valuation of $1B for example, barely a “unicorn.”) Not that there is no upside at all any more, just that the fabled stories from the MSFT and dot com era don’t necessarily apply. And the tax laws still suck, so I’m pretty sure Mr. Lyons was taxed as if it were cashing in a lottery ticket instead of collecting something he had earned over a period of a year and a half.
* Apology for the section on Bozos: Bozo is a the maiden name of my step-grandmother, and it happens to be a common Hungarian surname. Using it as a term of abuse is insulting to Hungarian-Americans. My step-great-grandmother was a very kind woman who also happened to receive a tremendous amount of crank phone calls. This is the kind of discrimination that we have had to face as long as I can remember.
Even though Baby Boomers are the people that said “Don’t trust anyone over 30” and pretty much invented age discrimination, it turns out that age discrimination is bad now that it’s happening to them.
And not only did the Baby Boomers not save the world, they didn’t even manage to save enough for retirement, so we need to un-age discriminate them into high paying jobs right away. We Gen Xers understand, so we’ll step aside for a decade or two.
As long as we get hilarious and insightful books out of the deal like this one, I guess it’s a fair trade off. Highly recommended, especially if you are working in tech or a tech adjacent company.