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The Awful German Language
“The Awful German Language” is a humorous examination of the German language and the frustrations a native English speaker may have when learning it.
The essay was published as Appendix D of “A Tramp Abroad” by Mark Twain in 1880.
The essay was published as Appendix D of “A Tramp Abroad” by Mark Twain in 1880.
49 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 15, 1880
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About the author
Mark Twain
8,866 books18.6k followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, known by the pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist and essayist. He was praised as the "greatest humorist the United States has produced," with William Faulkner calling him "the father of American literature." His novels include The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), with the latter often called the "Great American Novel." Twain also wrote A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889) and Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894), and co-wrote The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today (1873) with Charles Dudley Warner.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, known by the pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist and essayist. He was praised as the "greatest humorist the United States has produced," with William Faulkner calling him "the father of American literature." His novels include The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), with the latter often called the "Great American Novel." Twain also wrote A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889) and Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894), and co-wrote The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today (1873) with Charles Dudley Warner.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 334 reviews
April 26, 2022
Now I know why my German is so bad! Thanks to Mark Twain I now see it is not my fault! Seriously - a long lost gem of humor that I was glad to find. But seriously, one of the biggest regrets of my life is that I did not learn German; should have taken classes in college after I got out of the Army. Spent almost two years in Ansbach - beautiful town.
February 1, 2018
Q:
To continue with the German genders: a tree is male, its buds are female, its leaves are neuter; horses are sexless, dogs are male, cats are female, —Tom-cats included, of course; a person’s mouth, neck, bosom, elbows, fingers, nails, feet, and body are of the male sex, and his head is male or neuter according to the word selected to signify it, and not according to the sex of the individual who wears it, —for in Germany all the women wear either male heads or sexless ones; a person’s nose, lips, shoulders, breast, hands, and toes are of the female sex; and his hair, ears, eyes, chin, legs, knees, heart, and conscience haven’t any sex at all. The inventor of the language probably got what he knew about a conscience from hearsay. (c)
Q:
For instance, my book inquires after a certain bird -- (it is always inquiring after things which are of no sort of consequence to anybody): "Where is the bird?" Now the answer to this question -- according to the book -- is that the bird is waiting in the blacksmith shop on account of the rain. Of course no bird would do that, but then you must stick to the book. (c)
Q:
When a German gets his hands on an adjective, he declines it, and keeps on declining it until the common sense is all declined out of it. It is as bad as Latin. He says, for instance:
SINGULAR
Nominative -- Mein guter Freund, my good friend.
Genitives -- Meines guten Freundes, of my good friend.
Dative -- Meinem guten Freund, to my good friend.
Accusative -- Meinen guten Freund, my good friend.
PLURAL
N. -- Meine guten Freunde, my good friends.
G. -- Meiner guten Freunde, of my good friends.
D. -- Meinen guten Freunden, to my good friends.
A. -- Meine guten Freunde, my good friends.
Now let the candidate for the asylum try to memorize those variations, and see how soon he will be elected. One might better go without friends in Germany than take all this trouble about them. (c)
Q:
Some German words are so long that they have a perspective. Observe these examples:
Freundschaftsbezeigungen.
Dilettantenaufdringlichkeiten.
Stadtverordnetenversammlungen.
These things are not words, they are alphabetical processions. And they are not rare; one can open a German newspaper at any time and see them marching majestically across the page -- and if he has any imagination he can see the banners and hear the music, too. They impart a martial thrill to the meekest subject. I take a great interest in these curiosities. Whenever I come across a good one, I stuff it and put it in my museum. In this way I have made quite a valuable collection. When I get duplicates, I exchange with other collectors, and thus increase the variety of my stock. Here rare some specimens which I lately bought at an auction sale of the effects of a bankrupt bric-a-brac hunter:
Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen.
Alterthumswissenschaften.
Kinderbewahrungsanstalten.
Unabhängigkeitserklärungen.
Wiedererstellungbestrebungen.
Waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen. (c)
Q:
And eighthly, and last, I would retain Zug and Schlag, with their pendants, and discard the rest of the vocabulary. This would simplify the language. (c)
To continue with the German genders: a tree is male, its buds are female, its leaves are neuter; horses are sexless, dogs are male, cats are female, —Tom-cats included, of course; a person’s mouth, neck, bosom, elbows, fingers, nails, feet, and body are of the male sex, and his head is male or neuter according to the word selected to signify it, and not according to the sex of the individual who wears it, —for in Germany all the women wear either male heads or sexless ones; a person’s nose, lips, shoulders, breast, hands, and toes are of the female sex; and his hair, ears, eyes, chin, legs, knees, heart, and conscience haven’t any sex at all. The inventor of the language probably got what he knew about a conscience from hearsay. (c)
Q:
For instance, my book inquires after a certain bird -- (it is always inquiring after things which are of no sort of consequence to anybody): "Where is the bird?" Now the answer to this question -- according to the book -- is that the bird is waiting in the blacksmith shop on account of the rain. Of course no bird would do that, but then you must stick to the book. (c)
Q:
When a German gets his hands on an adjective, he declines it, and keeps on declining it until the common sense is all declined out of it. It is as bad as Latin. He says, for instance:
SINGULAR
Nominative -- Mein guter Freund, my good friend.
Genitives -- Meines guten Freundes, of my good friend.
Dative -- Meinem guten Freund, to my good friend.
Accusative -- Meinen guten Freund, my good friend.
PLURAL
N. -- Meine guten Freunde, my good friends.
G. -- Meiner guten Freunde, of my good friends.
D. -- Meinen guten Freunden, to my good friends.
A. -- Meine guten Freunde, my good friends.
Now let the candidate for the asylum try to memorize those variations, and see how soon he will be elected. One might better go without friends in Germany than take all this trouble about them. (c)
Q:
Some German words are so long that they have a perspective. Observe these examples:
Freundschaftsbezeigungen.
Dilettantenaufdringlichkeiten.
Stadtverordnetenversammlungen.
These things are not words, they are alphabetical processions. And they are not rare; one can open a German newspaper at any time and see them marching majestically across the page -- and if he has any imagination he can see the banners and hear the music, too. They impart a martial thrill to the meekest subject. I take a great interest in these curiosities. Whenever I come across a good one, I stuff it and put it in my museum. In this way I have made quite a valuable collection. When I get duplicates, I exchange with other collectors, and thus increase the variety of my stock. Here rare some specimens which I lately bought at an auction sale of the effects of a bankrupt bric-a-brac hunter:
Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen.
Alterthumswissenschaften.
Kinderbewahrungsanstalten.
Unabhängigkeitserklärungen.
Wiedererstellungbestrebungen.
Waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen. (c)
Q:
And eighthly, and last, I would retain Zug and Schlag, with their pendants, and discard the rest of the vocabulary. This would simplify the language. (c)
September 18, 2024
Mark Twain’s diatribe in “The Awful German Language” is one that many students of German have had themselves. But Twain’s unique gift enables him to do it in a way that’s funny. This is an awesome commentary on the German language in general and regarding the four German cases (e.g. nominative, accusative, dative, and genitive) in particular.
June 8, 2025
Definitely not going to reread this gem in German to flex on my niece that complains she can't learn the language (whilst currently living in Germany!) because "it's too difficult." Pfft, of course not, I'm a good auntie who only likes to make the lil' ones feel good about their language-learning skillz. 🤭
November 21, 2019
Depending on your knowledge of German or your interest in learning it you may find this piece hilarious, repelling, or attractive and compelling. Either way it's a good read and I was ROFL while, (well, after) I read it.
Online Versions (PDF)
English: The Awful German Language
German: Die fürchterliche deutsche Sprache
Online Versions (PDF)
English: The Awful German Language
German: Die fürchterliche deutsche Sprache
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September 19, 2024Indeed, eternity was born at the same time with the moment of learning German language.Twain complains that German does not have an elementary logic.
True. Logic was lost with the moment of Huckleberry Finn's fence painting.
True. Logic was lost with the moment of Huckleberry Finn's fence painting.
February 4, 2008
I love my mother tounge. This essay dwells on all those little absurdities that make it so loveable. If you learn German, read it, you will find a soulmate in your difficulties. If you are German, read it, it makes you feel grateful that you don't have to learn it... ;-)
June 27, 2010
Though the book is really funny and entertaining it is hard not to contradict. Twain’s complaint against the inventor of the German language shows that he never had to learn his own language like I did.
Klar ist das Buch komisch und unterhaltsam,, aber ich kann doch nicht widerstehen, ihm zu widersprechen. Twains Angriffe gegen den Erfinder der deutschen Sprache lassen deutlich erkennen, dass er seine eigene Sprache nie selber (richtig) lernen musste.
Admittedly: Der-die-das instead of the-the-the makes it a little bit difficult. But most European languages have grammatical genders and, as so often in linguistic matters you should not look for logic. Why is there no plural to “information” and no singular to “shambles”?
Ok, der-die-das muss man eben dazu lernen. Ist in anderen europäischen Sprachen (außer Englisch) auch nicht anders. Und Logik sollte man in der Linguistik nicht erwarten. Im Englischen gibt’s keinen Plural von „information“ und keinen Singular von „shambles".
True, there are severla meaning of the words „Zug“ and „Schlag“. Look into your dictionary to count the meanings of shift and pitch. Let alone verbs like “put”, "get” or “take”.
Richtig: “Zug” und “Schlag” haben verschiedene Bedeutungen. Aber das ist nichts im Vergleich zu „shift“ and „pitch“. Von Verben wie „put“, „get“ und „take“ wollen wir gar nicht erst anfangen.
Verb-clutters like „hätte sein werden können sein“ are no German speciality. „I wouldn’t have been going to…“ is not much more clearly laid out.
Verbengewitter wie „hätte sein werden können sein“ gibt’s auch im Englischen: „I wouldn’t have been going to…“ ist nur ein Beispiel.
The words are too long? I surrepticiously find this observation a little preposterous and saturninely avuncular.
Zu lang die Wörter? Den Vorwurf finde ich surreptiociously a little preposterous and saturninely avuncular.
Twain is a fair player and also finds some credit for the German language. At least you always know how to pronounce a word that you read somewhere. But there is one more advantage: German makes no difference between adjectives and adverbs. No “good/well”, “kind/kindly” and so on.
Aber Twain ist auch fair und verteilt Lob. So weiß man wenigstens auf Anhieb, wie man ein deutsches Wort ausspricht, das man liest, aber eines vergisst er zu erwähnen. Im Deutschen mauss man nicht zu jedem Adjektiv noch ein Adverb dazulernen.
Conclusion (Twain): „A gifted person ought t learn English in thirty hours, French in thrity days, and German in thirty years.“
Conclusion (moi-myself): Für Deutsch habe ich 24 Monate gebraucht, für ein halbwegs passables Französisch 24 Jahre, - und Englisch? Ich sag Bescheid, wenn ich's weiß.
Klar ist das Buch komisch und unterhaltsam,, aber ich kann doch nicht widerstehen, ihm zu widersprechen. Twains Angriffe gegen den Erfinder der deutschen Sprache lassen deutlich erkennen, dass er seine eigene Sprache nie selber (richtig) lernen musste.
Admittedly: Der-die-das instead of the-the-the makes it a little bit difficult. But most European languages have grammatical genders and, as so often in linguistic matters you should not look for logic. Why is there no plural to “information” and no singular to “shambles”?
Ok, der-die-das muss man eben dazu lernen. Ist in anderen europäischen Sprachen (außer Englisch) auch nicht anders. Und Logik sollte man in der Linguistik nicht erwarten. Im Englischen gibt’s keinen Plural von „information“ und keinen Singular von „shambles".
True, there are severla meaning of the words „Zug“ and „Schlag“. Look into your dictionary to count the meanings of shift and pitch. Let alone verbs like “put”, "get” or “take”.
Richtig: “Zug” und “Schlag” haben verschiedene Bedeutungen. Aber das ist nichts im Vergleich zu „shift“ and „pitch“. Von Verben wie „put“, „get“ und „take“ wollen wir gar nicht erst anfangen.
Verb-clutters like „hätte sein werden können sein“ are no German speciality. „I wouldn’t have been going to…“ is not much more clearly laid out.
Verbengewitter wie „hätte sein werden können sein“ gibt’s auch im Englischen: „I wouldn’t have been going to…“ ist nur ein Beispiel.
The words are too long? I surrepticiously find this observation a little preposterous and saturninely avuncular.
Zu lang die Wörter? Den Vorwurf finde ich surreptiociously a little preposterous and saturninely avuncular.
Twain is a fair player and also finds some credit for the German language. At least you always know how to pronounce a word that you read somewhere. But there is one more advantage: German makes no difference between adjectives and adverbs. No “good/well”, “kind/kindly” and so on.
Aber Twain ist auch fair und verteilt Lob. So weiß man wenigstens auf Anhieb, wie man ein deutsches Wort ausspricht, das man liest, aber eines vergisst er zu erwähnen. Im Deutschen mauss man nicht zu jedem Adjektiv noch ein Adverb dazulernen.
Conclusion (Twain): „A gifted person ought t learn English in thirty hours, French in thrity days, and German in thirty years.“
Conclusion (moi-myself): Für Deutsch habe ich 24 Monate gebraucht, für ein halbwegs passables Französisch 24 Jahre, - und Englisch? Ich sag Bescheid, wenn ich's weiß.
September 28, 2024
This was a bit fun as well as interesting as most of Mark Twain's writings are. A very short book about the difficulties and vagaries of learning German. He spends most of the book complaining of the rules and difficulties of the language, but also towards the end, eight things he likes and even loves about it. He singles out two German words that are often used and have so many different meanings, zug and schlag, that all the others could be discarded and only these two used to make it all easier. I wish my own German was better so that I would have understood and taken in much more. Especially as I have three German grandchildren living there now.
My own experience with learning German was in primary school, where we had a German instructor come in once a week, which helped me to have a rudimentary understanding of very little, but I did learn my numbers and lots of food names. So that when I went myself to Germany twice when I was 16 and 17, most of my fellow Americans traveling with me thought I spoke it well, as I knew what time and track the train was coming, how much something cost and what to order in restaurants. But as much as I wanted to practice my German, wherever I went, every young German asked me to speak in English as 'they could understand my English much better than my German' as they all had classes in school.
Two of my favourite stories from my travels back then was a teammate on the swimming team I was traveling with proudly said he knew two phrases in German, being 'Eine bier bitte' which means one beer please, and 'Noch eine' which means another. The second was on my other trip back then when I traveled with a YMCA camping group of ten boys. After spending three weeks in a YMCA camp in Austria with international campers, there was one boy from Canada who spoke English, German and French fluently, so of course he taught us all each country's swear words. So after leaving the camp and walking down the street in Nuremburg as a group, we ran into one of the German campers who saw us from two blocks away and started waving, running and yelling at us in greeting, using his favourite English slang word, yelling 'cocksucker' as loud and often as he could as he ran toward us. To say the least we were most embarrassed as our group leader was very conservative and horrified. I can laugh about it now.
Anyway vintage Mark Twain, hope you read it and like it Colin as the book is apparently used by many German instructors for their students to read.
My own experience with learning German was in primary school, where we had a German instructor come in once a week, which helped me to have a rudimentary understanding of very little, but I did learn my numbers and lots of food names. So that when I went myself to Germany twice when I was 16 and 17, most of my fellow Americans traveling with me thought I spoke it well, as I knew what time and track the train was coming, how much something cost and what to order in restaurants. But as much as I wanted to practice my German, wherever I went, every young German asked me to speak in English as 'they could understand my English much better than my German' as they all had classes in school.
Two of my favourite stories from my travels back then was a teammate on the swimming team I was traveling with proudly said he knew two phrases in German, being 'Eine bier bitte' which means one beer please, and 'Noch eine' which means another. The second was on my other trip back then when I traveled with a YMCA camping group of ten boys. After spending three weeks in a YMCA camp in Austria with international campers, there was one boy from Canada who spoke English, German and French fluently, so of course he taught us all each country's swear words. So after leaving the camp and walking down the street in Nuremburg as a group, we ran into one of the German campers who saw us from two blocks away and started waving, running and yelling at us in greeting, using his favourite English slang word, yelling 'cocksucker' as loud and often as he could as he ran toward us. To say the least we were most embarrassed as our group leader was very conservative and horrified. I can laugh about it now.
Anyway vintage Mark Twain, hope you read it and like it Colin as the book is apparently used by many German instructors for their students to read.
March 13, 2011
Großartig, wie Mark Twain die Macken der deutschen Sprache zerlegt, auch für Muttersprachler in den meisten Fällen gut nachvollziehbar.
July 30, 2021
Sure, there is definitely a lot of fun and entertainment to be found and encountered in Mark Twain’s The Awful German Language (and especially so if you are a German language teacher or are in the process of learning German). And yes, I often at the end of my first year university level German language courses go through The Awful German Language with my students, with generally much laughter and giggles being engendered (and especially with regard to German genders, adjectives and syntax).
However, and to be perfectly truthful, whenever I read The Awful German Language with my students, I also always do point out to them that English as a language actually used to have pretty much the same specific masculine, feminine and neuter gender indicators that German still does (and I give a few Anglo-Saxon nouns as examples) and that the Romance languages (French, Italian, Spanish etc.) all have masculine and feminine genders for their nouns which need to be learned and internalised just like is the case for German (as well, there does seem to be some kind of language mythology floating around that German in particular is supposedly one of the few languages with multiple and sometimes strange feeling genders, and while this is certainly not the truth, books like The Awful German Language and Mark Twain’s funny but often also rather ridiculous examples really do in my opinion rather manage to majorly perpetuate and enable said language fairy tale).
And furthermore, I also usually end up pointing out to my students when we are covering and enjoying The Awful German Language that most languages will in fact have certain specific peculiarities which makes learning them a challenge (or at least can make learning them a potential challenge), that while German genders and German verb order especially for subordinate clauses can definitely be confusing, German pronunciation is actually and generally much less difficult and problematic than for example English, since aside from a few difficult diphthongs and consonant combination what you see in German is basically what you get, is what you are supposed to be saying (and very much unlike English in fact, where spelling often does not all that much equal and match pronunciation and which can be a real source of frustration for ESL learners).
Thus, while I find Mark Twain’s presented text about the German language quite entertaining and diverting, I also do consider some of his musings both rather one-sided and annoyingly stereotypical, and I certainly would enjoy reading The Awful German Language much more if Twain were increasingly textually balanced, less one-sided and would also show some of the peculiarities of English, French, Spanish etc.
However, and to be perfectly truthful, whenever I read The Awful German Language with my students, I also always do point out to them that English as a language actually used to have pretty much the same specific masculine, feminine and neuter gender indicators that German still does (and I give a few Anglo-Saxon nouns as examples) and that the Romance languages (French, Italian, Spanish etc.) all have masculine and feminine genders for their nouns which need to be learned and internalised just like is the case for German (as well, there does seem to be some kind of language mythology floating around that German in particular is supposedly one of the few languages with multiple and sometimes strange feeling genders, and while this is certainly not the truth, books like The Awful German Language and Mark Twain’s funny but often also rather ridiculous examples really do in my opinion rather manage to majorly perpetuate and enable said language fairy tale).
And furthermore, I also usually end up pointing out to my students when we are covering and enjoying The Awful German Language that most languages will in fact have certain specific peculiarities which makes learning them a challenge (or at least can make learning them a potential challenge), that while German genders and German verb order especially for subordinate clauses can definitely be confusing, German pronunciation is actually and generally much less difficult and problematic than for example English, since aside from a few difficult diphthongs and consonant combination what you see in German is basically what you get, is what you are supposed to be saying (and very much unlike English in fact, where spelling often does not all that much equal and match pronunciation and which can be a real source of frustration for ESL learners).
Thus, while I find Mark Twain’s presented text about the German language quite entertaining and diverting, I also do consider some of his musings both rather one-sided and annoyingly stereotypical, and I certainly would enjoy reading The Awful German Language much more if Twain were increasingly textually balanced, less one-sided and would also show some of the peculiarities of English, French, Spanish etc.
September 22, 2024
Very amusing, especially for me as a linguist.
January 4, 2015
I really don't know which language I should write this in. The edition I've read was bilingual and I took the chance to savor some German with a useful facing-page translation. In addition, it should be easier writing about German grammar in German... To settle things once and for all, you'll find an English Review below the German one.
Also...
Dank GR habe ich dies Büchlein entdeckt. Ich wusste nicht, dass Mark Twain versuchte, Deutsch zu lernen. Seiner Meinung nach ist Deutsch eine Sprache, die «[man] bei den toten Sprachen absetzen [muss], denn nur die Toten haben Zeit, sie zu lernen». Twain lernte aber die Deutsche Sprache nur für neun Wochen, bevor er dies Büchlein geschrieben hatte. Das kann ich nicht verstehen. Das ist zu kurz. Ich habe nämlich 4+4 Jahren an Deutsch gewidmet und ich liebe es, weil ich denke, dass es ein sehr, sehr logische Sprache ist. Viel logischer als English. Aber Twain fährt fort:
Auf der ersten Seite schreibt Twain: «Ganz bestimmt gibt es keine andere Sprache, die so ungeordnet und unsystematisch, so schlüpfrig und unfaßbar ist» und er zählt neun Merkmale der Sprache auf, die er als problematisch hält. Die sind:
☠ Ausnahme: Man lernt eine neue grammatische Regel, man liest ein Paar Beispiele, dann blättert man um und sieht man eine lange Liste von Ausnahme.
☠ Fälle: Fälle verwirren armen Twain. Er versteht nicht, warum man den Dativ für Bewegung und den Akkusativ für Zustand benutzen muss.
☠ Parenthesen: deutsche Schriftsteller schreiben Sätze, die zu lange sind. Man beginnt mit dem Lesen aber, als man das Ende erreicht, hat man den Anfang schon vergessen.
☠ Trennbaren Verben: Man trennt deutsche Verben: die Wurzel steht am Anfang und die Präposition kommt erst am Ende. Der Leser kann nochmal vergessen, wie der Satz beginnt und wie er endet.
☠ Personalpronomen: Twain mag nicht das Pronomen sie, weil er denkt, dass es zu viele Übersetzungen auf English hat. Als ob you auf English nur eine Bedeutung hätte.
☠ Deklination der Adjektiven: Am Anfang war es ein harter Job, sie zu lernen aber dann... Es hilft den Leser, als er einen Fall erkennen muss.
☠ Genus: Twain wundert, warum alle Dinge ein zufälliges Genus aber soll. Aber die Deutsche, die Italiener, die Spanier... alle wundern, warum English kein Genus hat. Und die Italiener und die Spanier, sie sind über-froh, weil die Endung der Wörter zeigt, zu welchem Genus es gehört.
☠ Wörter mit änlicher Bedeutung: Seiner Meinung nach kann das ganze deutsche Sprache auf zwei Wörter reduzieren: Schlag und >Zug. Als ob to get nur eine Bedeutung hätte...
☠ Komposita: Komposita sind lange Wörter, die aus viele zusammengestellten Wörtern bestehen. Ja, jeder Tag schafft jemand ein neues Kompositum und das erscheint niemals in den Wörterbücher aber sie sind so typisch Deutsch...
Ich bin nicht völlig mit Twain einverstanden, weil einige Bemerkungen sind echt dumm. Genus, zum Beispiel. Ich bin Italienerin und ich finde es sehr schwer, wenn ich das Pronomen it auf English benutzen muss. Ab und zu, als ich zum Beispiel über Computer spreche, sage ich: «I have a new computer. I bought him yesterday.» Für mich ein Computer ist immer he, auch auf English.
Was die Ausnahmen betrifft... Was Twain sagt, ist total verrückt. Sprachen sind lebendig und sie entwickeln sich ständing. Alle Sprachen haben Regeln und alle Sprachen haben eine Menge Ausnahme. Die Sprachen, die sich nicht entwickeln, sind die tote Sprachen. Vielleicht hat Esperanto keine Ausnahme aber das gilt nicht, weil es eine künstliche Sprache ist.
Im Gegensatz zu Twain liebe ich die Fälle. Aber nur auf Deutsch. Auf Lateinisch, auf Polnisch und auf Russisch habe ich immer mit Fällen gekämpft. Ich weiß nicht warum. Aber auf Deutsch scheint sie immer, sehr leicht zu sein. Fälle helfen um die Rolle der Wörter in einem Satz zu erkennen und man kann auch mit einer Angabe einen Satz beginnen und man kann sich nicht verwirren.
Ich lerne gerade Französisch und die Personalpronomen auf Französisch sind ein Chaos. Im Vergleich sind deutsche Personalpronomen das einfachste Thema der Grammatik...
******
Thanks to GR I've discovered this little book. I didn't know that Mark Twain tried to learn German. In his opinion, however, German is a language that «ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it».
Aber Twain had been learning German only for nine weeks, when he wrote this pamphlet. I really can't understand this. In fact I've spent 4+4 years learning German and I love the language because I fell in love with its logic. German is a very logic language, way more logic than English. Twain didn't agree with me:
On the first page Twain writes: «Surely there is not another language that is so slipshod and systemless, and so slippery and elusive to the grasp» and later he lists nine characteristics of the language that he deems problematic. They are:
☠ Exceptions: According to Twain, in German you learn a new grammar rule and you read a pair of examples. Then you turn the page and you found a page-long list of exceptions.
☠ Cases: Twain is confused by grammar cases: Nominative, Accusative, Dative and Genitive. He can't understand why you must use dative for movement and accusative for staying.
☠ Parentheses: German writers write sentences that are too long. When the reader starts to read, s/he'll be likely to have forgotten the beginning by the time s/he reaches the end of the sentence.
☠ Separable verbs: Some German verbs can be separated: the radical remains at the beginning of the sentence (on the second position), while the prefix comes only at the end. Again the read can forget, how the sentence starts and how it ends.
☠ Personal pronouns: Twain genuinely dislikes the German pronoun sie because he thinks that it has too many translations into English. As if the English you only has one meaning...
☠ Declension of adjectives: For Twain it's completely useless and confusing and yeah, it was so difficult to get used to it at the beginning but then... It helps the reader when s/he has to recognize one case.
☠ Genus: Twain wonders why all things have a casual genus in German. At the same time Germans, Italians, Spaniards... they all wonder why English doesn't have any genus. Furthermore, Italians, Spaniards and Portuguese speakers (and also all the Slavic languages speakers, I guess) are very happy because it's the word that tells the speaker which genus she (word in Italian in a she, for example) needs.
☠ Words with similar meaning: According to Twain, German could be reduced to only two words: Schlag and . As is to get has only one meaning...
☠ Compound words: Compounds are long words that are composed of lots of words put together. Yeah, every day someone create a new compound and you can never look them up in the dictionary but theiy're so typisch Deutsch.
I don't totally agree with Twain, because some of his comments are really dumb. Genus, for example. I'm Italian - born and raised with gendered words - and for me it's very difficult using the pronoun it in English. Every now and then I genderize English words. For example: «I have a new computer. I bought him yesterday.» For me a computer is always a he, even in English. And the printer is always a she.
For what exceptions are concerned... Well, what Twain write is completely crazy. Languages are living entities that keep developing. Every language has rules and every language has tons of exception. The languages that aren't developing are the dead ones. Well, maybe Esperanto has no exceptions but it doesn't count since it's an artificial language.
Unlike Twain I love cases, but only in German. In Latin, Polish and Russian they have always confused me. I don't know why. In German they always seem easier than in other languages. Cases help when you have to recognize which role a word play in a sentence, in addition you can start a sentence with an object and it will always be clear that's an object and not a subject.
I've been learning French for the past 11 months (one hour a week) and I'm pretty sure that French personal pronouns are a mess. Compared to them, the German ones are one of the easiest topic in the whole German grammar...
Also...
Dank GR habe ich dies Büchlein entdeckt. Ich wusste nicht, dass Mark Twain versuchte, Deutsch zu lernen. Seiner Meinung nach ist Deutsch eine Sprache, die «[man] bei den toten Sprachen absetzen [muss], denn nur die Toten haben Zeit, sie zu lernen». Twain lernte aber die Deutsche Sprache nur für neun Wochen, bevor er dies Büchlein geschrieben hatte. Das kann ich nicht verstehen. Das ist zu kurz. Ich habe nämlich 4+4 Jahren an Deutsch gewidmet und ich liebe es, weil ich denke, dass es ein sehr, sehr logische Sprache ist. Viel logischer als English. Aber Twain fährt fort:
Meine philologischen Studien haben mich davon überzeugt, daß ein begabter Mann English (ausgenommen Rechtsschreibung und Aussprache) in dreißig Stunden lernen kann, Französisch in dreißig Tagen und Deutsch in dreißig Jahren.
Auf der ersten Seite schreibt Twain: «Ganz bestimmt gibt es keine andere Sprache, die so ungeordnet und unsystematisch, so schlüpfrig und unfaßbar ist» und er zählt neun Merkmale der Sprache auf, die er als problematisch hält. Die sind:
☠ Ausnahme: Man lernt eine neue grammatische Regel, man liest ein Paar Beispiele, dann blättert man um und sieht man eine lange Liste von Ausnahme.
☠ Fälle: Fälle verwirren armen Twain. Er versteht nicht, warum man den Dativ für Bewegung und den Akkusativ für Zustand benutzen muss.
☠ Parenthesen: deutsche Schriftsteller schreiben Sätze, die zu lange sind. Man beginnt mit dem Lesen aber, als man das Ende erreicht, hat man den Anfang schon vergessen.
☠ Trennbaren Verben: Man trennt deutsche Verben: die Wurzel steht am Anfang und die Präposition kommt erst am Ende. Der Leser kann nochmal vergessen, wie der Satz beginnt und wie er endet.
☠ Personalpronomen: Twain mag nicht das Pronomen sie, weil er denkt, dass es zu viele Übersetzungen auf English hat. Als ob you auf English nur eine Bedeutung hätte.
☠ Deklination der Adjektiven: Am Anfang war es ein harter Job, sie zu lernen aber dann... Es hilft den Leser, als er einen Fall erkennen muss.
☠ Genus: Twain wundert, warum alle Dinge ein zufälliges Genus aber soll. Aber die Deutsche, die Italiener, die Spanier... alle wundern, warum English kein Genus hat. Und die Italiener und die Spanier, sie sind über-froh, weil die Endung der Wörter zeigt, zu welchem Genus es gehört.
☠ Wörter mit änlicher Bedeutung: Seiner Meinung nach kann das ganze deutsche Sprache auf zwei Wörter reduzieren: Schlag und >Zug. Als ob to get nur eine Bedeutung hätte...
☠ Komposita: Komposita sind lange Wörter, die aus viele zusammengestellten Wörtern bestehen. Ja, jeder Tag schafft jemand ein neues Kompositum und das erscheint niemals in den Wörterbücher aber sie sind so typisch Deutsch...
Ich bin nicht völlig mit Twain einverstanden, weil einige Bemerkungen sind echt dumm. Genus, zum Beispiel. Ich bin Italienerin und ich finde es sehr schwer, wenn ich das Pronomen it auf English benutzen muss. Ab und zu, als ich zum Beispiel über Computer spreche, sage ich: «I have a new computer. I bought him yesterday.» Für mich ein Computer ist immer he, auch auf English.
Was die Ausnahmen betrifft... Was Twain sagt, ist total verrückt. Sprachen sind lebendig und sie entwickeln sich ständing. Alle Sprachen haben Regeln und alle Sprachen haben eine Menge Ausnahme. Die Sprachen, die sich nicht entwickeln, sind die tote Sprachen. Vielleicht hat Esperanto keine Ausnahme aber das gilt nicht, weil es eine künstliche Sprache ist.
Im Gegensatz zu Twain liebe ich die Fälle. Aber nur auf Deutsch. Auf Lateinisch, auf Polnisch und auf Russisch habe ich immer mit Fällen gekämpft. Ich weiß nicht warum. Aber auf Deutsch scheint sie immer, sehr leicht zu sein. Fälle helfen um die Rolle der Wörter in einem Satz zu erkennen und man kann auch mit einer Angabe einen Satz beginnen und man kann sich nicht verwirren.
Ich lerne gerade Französisch und die Personalpronomen auf Französisch sind ein Chaos. Im Vergleich sind deutsche Personalpronomen das einfachste Thema der Grammatik...
******
Thanks to GR I've discovered this little book. I didn't know that Mark Twain tried to learn German. In his opinion, however, German is a language that «ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it».
Aber Twain had been learning German only for nine weeks, when he wrote this pamphlet. I really can't understand this. In fact I've spent 4+4 years learning German and I love the language because I fell in love with its logic. German is a very logic language, way more logic than English. Twain didn't agree with me:
My philological studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronunciation) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years.
On the first page Twain writes: «Surely there is not another language that is so slipshod and systemless, and so slippery and elusive to the grasp» and later he lists nine characteristics of the language that he deems problematic. They are:
☠ Exceptions: According to Twain, in German you learn a new grammar rule and you read a pair of examples. Then you turn the page and you found a page-long list of exceptions.
☠ Cases: Twain is confused by grammar cases: Nominative, Accusative, Dative and Genitive. He can't understand why you must use dative for movement and accusative for staying.
☠ Parentheses: German writers write sentences that are too long. When the reader starts to read, s/he'll be likely to have forgotten the beginning by the time s/he reaches the end of the sentence.
☠ Separable verbs: Some German verbs can be separated: the radical remains at the beginning of the sentence (on the second position), while the prefix comes only at the end. Again the read can forget, how the sentence starts and how it ends.
☠ Personal pronouns: Twain genuinely dislikes the German pronoun sie because he thinks that it has too many translations into English. As if the English you only has one meaning...
☠ Declension of adjectives: For Twain it's completely useless and confusing and yeah, it was so difficult to get used to it at the beginning but then... It helps the reader when s/he has to recognize one case.
☠ Genus: Twain wonders why all things have a casual genus in German. At the same time Germans, Italians, Spaniards... they all wonder why English doesn't have any genus. Furthermore, Italians, Spaniards and Portuguese speakers (and also all the Slavic languages speakers, I guess) are very happy because it's the word that tells the speaker which genus she (word in Italian in a she, for example) needs.
☠ Words with similar meaning: According to Twain, German could be reduced to only two words: Schlag and . As is to get has only one meaning...
☠ Compound words: Compounds are long words that are composed of lots of words put together. Yeah, every day someone create a new compound and you can never look them up in the dictionary but theiy're so typisch Deutsch.
I don't totally agree with Twain, because some of his comments are really dumb. Genus, for example. I'm Italian - born and raised with gendered words - and for me it's very difficult using the pronoun it in English. Every now and then I genderize English words. For example: «I have a new computer. I bought him yesterday.» For me a computer is always a he, even in English. And the printer is always a she.
For what exceptions are concerned... Well, what Twain write is completely crazy. Languages are living entities that keep developing. Every language has rules and every language has tons of exception. The languages that aren't developing are the dead ones. Well, maybe Esperanto has no exceptions but it doesn't count since it's an artificial language.
Unlike Twain I love cases, but only in German. In Latin, Polish and Russian they have always confused me. I don't know why. In German they always seem easier than in other languages. Cases help when you have to recognize which role a word play in a sentence, in addition you can start a sentence with an object and it will always be clear that's an object and not a subject.
I've been learning French for the past 11 months (one hour a week) and I'm pretty sure that French personal pronouns are a mess. Compared to them, the German ones are one of the easiest topic in the whole German grammar...
May 28, 2012
One of the funniest essays ever written.
August 26, 2018
Πτώσεις, εγκλίσεις, χωριζόμενα ρήματα, καταλήξεις επιθέτων, λέξεις σιδηρόδρομοι, σύνταξη κι όλα τα χαριτωμένα χαρακτηριστικά που πονοκεφαλιάζουν αυτούς που έχουν μελετήσει ή μαθαίνουν ακόμα γερμανικά, συνοψίζονται με γενναίες δόσεις καυστικού χιούμορ από το Mark Twain. Φαντάζομαι τα πολλαπλά εγκεφαλικά που θα πάθαινε ο συγγραφέας αν επιχειρούσε να μάθει ελληνικά και χαμογελάω πονηρά.
Προτείνεται ανεπιφύλακτα σε όσους αγαπούν το Mark Twain και τα γερμανικά, τη γλώσσα που λατρεύουμε να μισούμε.
Προτείνεται ανεπιφύλακτα σε όσους αγαπούν το Mark Twain και τα γερμανικά, τη γλώσσα που λατρεύουμε να μισούμε.
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November 1, 2016As an "Ausländer" in Germany, I find this hilarious. I liked some of the suggestions made by the author, but I'm sure that won't be happening anytime soon.
June 27, 2021
I love languages, and I had recently begun trying to learn German when I stumbled upon this little gem. It’s funny, and it highlights, from the point of view of a frustrated student, some of the more bewildering aspects of the German language. I think most English-speakers attempting to learn German could relate to this. I believe German is a beautiful language, but even so, I agree that its complicated rules can seem strange to outsiders—even more so than other foreign languages in the Indo-European family. I studied French before I ever studied German, and French has gendered nouns, and different forms for the word “the,” and different forms of the word “you,” and a bunch of different cases. So does German. Yet somehow, they seem more logical in French than they do in German. For example, in French, “le” (“the”) is always masculine, and “la” feminine. Easy! The most confusing thing that happens is that both become “les” when they’re plural. But German is stranger. German has three genders, not two, and the word “the” changes not only for gender and number, but also for case. So “der” is masculine nominative, but something “der” can also be feminine if it is an object. “Die” is feminine singular, but it can also be plural—any plural. And don’t get me started on pronouns. In German, “Sie/sie” can mean “she” or “you” or “they.” And this tendency to reuse words can be quite challenging to someone unfamiliar with the language. Enter Mark Twain’s narrator, who describes the German language’s idiosyncrasies in an over-the-top style that, oddly enough, seems reminiscent of Saxony’s tradition of over-the-top humor. The narrator here imagines the German language as being the result of a single “inventor” who was deliberately trying to confuse people. Bizarre premise, I suppose, but it works. I also give credit to Twain for taking the time to mention some aspects in which German is better (easier? clearer?) than English. That was a welcome shift in perspective. My biggest criticism lies not with the book itself, but with the specific audio edition that I heard. The narrator, Rainer, was difficult to understand. I had the distinct impression that he was talking strangely in order to be silly, but I think the text is funny enough to stand on its own. I just kept thinking of Dr. Seuss’ book The Lorax, in which the Once-ler sounds “as if he had smallish bees up his nose.” That’s exactly how I’d describe it. All in all, an interesting read. It pokes fun at the German language without ever disparaging its people, and its teasing tone is both lighthearted and, at times, self-deprecating. You can agree or disagree with his comments, but it seems clear that this is meant all in good fun.
September 7, 2023
This is two works in one book, in English and in German: The Awful German Language Mark Twain’s very entertaining views on the complexities of the German language (opinions that will be appreciated and shared by anyone else who has mastered the language); and Mark Twain’s excellent translation of a classic of German children’s literature, Der Struwwelpeter.
October 11, 2024
"For instance, if one is casually referring to a house, Haus, or a horse, Pferd, or a dog, Hund, he spells these words as I have indicated; but if he is referring to them in the Dative case, he sticks on a foolish and unnecessary e and spells them Hause, Pferde, Hunde. So, as an added e often signifies the plural, as the s does with us, the new student is likely to go on for a month making twins out of a Dative dog before he discovers his mistake; and on the other hand, many a new student who could ill afford loss, has bought and paid for two dogs and only got one of them, because he ignorantly bought that dog in the Dative singular when he really supposed he was talking plural; - which left the law on the seller's side, of course, by the strict rules of grammar, and therefore a suit for recovery could not lie." (p. 16)
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February 28, 2023Kurzweilig und witzig, für echte Spracheliebhaber. Hab mich gut unterhalten gefühlt, oft zustimmend genickt. Lieber Twain, ich fühle mit dir mit😂 Die Artikel sind ein Alptraum. Ich verwechsle diese manchmal immer noch nach 20 Jahren. Aber ich habe noch viel Lebenszeit vor mir und bin höchst motiviert! :)
January 20, 2021
Das Buch selbst scheint ganz amüsant zu sein, aber obwohl das Hörbuch kaum länger als eine Stunde geht, ist der extrem aufgesetzte und unangenehme amerikanische Akzent des Sprechers kaum auszuhalten. Habs in der Mitte abgebrochen und werds irgendwann später mal in Buchform nachholen.
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February 25, 2025Zweites Buch auf Deutsch im Jahr 2024 ✅
Bastante orgullosa de mí misma porque no he buscado cada palabra que no sabía en el diccionario, sino que se continuaba con la lectura teniendo una idea general de quedar estaba ocurriendo.
Bastante orgullosa de mí misma porque no he buscado cada palabra que no sabía en el diccionario, sino que se continuaba con la lectura teniendo una idea general de quedar estaba ocurriendo.
October 28, 2020
I've laughed a lot!
February 13, 2023
A fun read, though I think Mr. Twain simply misunderstood some aspects of the German grammar.
January 2, 2020
«Soy tan solo el amigo más fiel de la lengua alemana. (...) Y nunca tuve el anhelo exigido de dañar el noble idioma, al contrario, solo he deseado mejorarlo. (...) Efectuaría solo algunos cambios. Comprimiría simplemente el método del lenguaje –la construcción voluptuosa y elaborada. Reprimir, abolir, aniquilar las eternas cláusulas. Prohibir la introducción de más de trece sujetos en una frase. Poner el verbo más adelante, hasta que se lo pueda descubrir sin telescopio. En una palabra, mis Caballeros, quisiera simplificar tanto vuestra amada lengua que si la necesitaran para rezar, se la entienda allá arriba.»
«Quisera también reformar los verbos separables. No podría dejar que hicieran lo que Schiller hizo: apretujó toda la Historia de la Guerra de los Treinta Años entre las dos partes de un verbo separable. Esto ha indignado incluso a la misma Alemania. Y se le rehusó el permiso de redactar la Historia de la Guerra de los Cien Años. Gracias a Dios. Después de realizar todas estas reformas, la lengua alemana será la más noble y la más hermosa del mundo.»
«Quisera también reformar los verbos separables. No podría dejar que hicieran lo que Schiller hizo: apretujó toda la Historia de la Guerra de los Treinta Años entre las dos partes de un verbo separable. Esto ha indignado incluso a la misma Alemania. Y se le rehusó el permiso de redactar la Historia de la Guerra de los Cien Años. Gracias a Dios. Después de realizar todas estas reformas, la lengua alemana será la más noble y la más hermosa del mundo.»
April 1, 2017
Things stated in this book are true but when person who hasn't or is not learning German reads this, he will be so overwhelmed that he would probably opt not to learn this language and I think that's very unfair to German.
Personally I love learning German and I think beauty of this language lies in it's absurdity! :P
Ich liebe Deutsch, deshalb finde ich dieses Buch ein bisschen unangenehm. Nur wenn wir eine Chance zu Deutsch lernen geben, dann verstehen wir, wie schön Deutsch eigentlich ist.
But as an analysis of a language, this book IS good. Can't deny that!
Personally I love learning German and I think beauty of this language lies in it's absurdity! :P
Ich liebe Deutsch, deshalb finde ich dieses Buch ein bisschen unangenehm. Nur wenn wir eine Chance zu Deutsch lernen geben, dann verstehen wir, wie schön Deutsch eigentlich ist.
But as an analysis of a language, this book IS good. Can't deny that!
March 18, 2024
Die Schrecken der Deutschen Sprache
"Ein Normalsatz in einer deutschen Zeitung ist eine überraschende Merkwürdigkeit; er nimmt eine Viertelseite ein und enthält sämtliche Redeteile dieser Sprache, nicht in einer geregelten Ordnung, sondern durcheinander."
"Die Deutschen haben in ihrer Sprache eine Art Parenthese, welche sie durch das Auseinanderreißen eines Zeitwortes in zwei Teile erzielen, wovon der eine am Anfang eines spannenden Kapitels steht, der andere am Schluß desselben."
"Ein Normalsatz in einer deutschen Zeitung ist eine überraschende Merkwürdigkeit; er nimmt eine Viertelseite ein und enthält sämtliche Redeteile dieser Sprache, nicht in einer geregelten Ordnung, sondern durcheinander."
"Die Deutschen haben in ihrer Sprache eine Art Parenthese, welche sie durch das Auseinanderreißen eines Zeitwortes in zwei Teile erzielen, wovon der eine am Anfang eines spannenden Kapitels steht, der andere am Schluß desselben."
February 11, 2013
I loved it. I read it while in a plane and other passengers ( German btw) were puzzled and at times annoyed because i could not help laughing out loud. I am not an english native speaker but i could feel the pain of Mr. Twain. A fun read and totally recommended for those learning, or struggling, with the German language. Thanks Mario for the gift.
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October 26, 2019This is a really funny essay.
I've started learning German recently and I can empathize with the writer here.
But what bothered me was the fact that I could not understand half of the German text in the book.
I've a long way to go.
I guess I'll return to this essay when I finish learning the language.
I've started learning German recently and I can empathize with the writer here.
But what bothered me was the fact that I could not understand half of the German text in the book.
I've a long way to go.
I guess I'll return to this essay when I finish learning the language.
October 6, 2017
This Book shows how extremely difficult it is to learn the German language as a second language after English. Mark Twain criticizes the German cases, separable verbs, articles, gender of nouns and many other grammatical rules. It is the best companion for German learners from English backgrounds.
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