Kissing Doorknobs

by Terry Spencer Hesser, A.J. Allen (Afterword)

During her preschool years, Tara Sullivan lived in terror that something bad would happen to her mother while they were apart. In grade school, she panicked during the practice fire drills. Practice for what?, Tara asked. For the upcoming disaster that was bound to happen?

Then, at the age of 11, it happened. Tara heard the phrase that changed her Step on a crack, break your mother's back. Before Tara knew it, she was counting every crack in the sidewalk. Over time, Tara's "quirks" grew and arranging her meals on plates, nonstop prayer rituals, until she developed a new ritual wherin she kissed her fingers and touched doorknobs....

Genres: Young Adult, Fiction, Mental Health, Realistic Fiction, Mental Illness, Psychology, Middle Grade

149 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 1998

Reviews

[Ruby Granger · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the best middle grade portrayal of OCD I’ve read. Intrusive thoughts are captured so well it’s difficult to read in places.

[Karol · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read Kissing Doorknobs after Mara Wilson aka Matilda wrote about it and the author in her book Where am I Now?
INTENSE just like the burdening feelings of OCD. I am a counter, tapper and checker. I live with different levels of anxiety and agoraphobia every day. This book was written for people like me and those who love us and want to help us with our state of mind.
The Afterword and Resources sections are exceptional support to the author's characterization appearing in this book.

[Luna · Rating 2 out of 5]

I do like books that show the effects of various psychological disorders in a way that young adults can understand. I think it's important that teens and children understand that they're not alone, that there are people out there like them, and that there are ways to find treatment for problems if they so wish.

I liked this book in that it showed a young girl struggling to come to terms with her OCD, and how her family reacted to it. Hesser also explained some of the compulsions Tara goes through and the way she attempted to justify them- counting cracks, checking the road when her parents come home late. But there were other parts that I felt could have done with more explanation. 'Kissing doorknobs' for instance.

And I hated her mother's reaction to all of it. Slapping her daughter? Hitting her? Wishing her dead? I'm sorry, but that's an overreaction to an extreme. Tara said her mother wasn't abusive, but really? She was. There was no need for her mother to keep beating her daughter. That part disgusted me.

Overall I found the writing to be average, the mother to be awful, but the theme to be fairly positive if only to reach out to other young OCD sufferers.

[Mellisa Rock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Middle grade to YA book about OCD disorder and the havoc it can wreak on people & their families. I enjoyed it.

[Heather (hungrycookiemonster) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Confessions review? Oh yeah.


I give Kissing Doorknobs by Terry Spencer Hesser 5/5 stars for being life changing and teaching me that I wasn't the only one suffering from this disease.


Kissing Doorknobs review:

Throughout my teenage years, I suffered from severe OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I cannot even go into details the rituals I performed daily from this disease. I remember being in 8th grade and picking this novel at the library. I read the synopsis and immediately knew I needed to read Kissing Doorknobs by Terry Spencer Hesser. I think at the time, I was hoping for a cure.

It wasn't a cure I received but a sense of knowing I wasn't alone. I had never met a person with OCD before so Tara Sullivan became my best friend. She was someone I could relate to on every level of this illness. Her struggles were my struggles and her wish for a cure was mine.

Ten years later, and now 'almost' OCD free, I still remember this novel and the impact it had on me. No matter what novels I read today or in the future, Kissing Doorknobs will always have a significant place on my list and heart.


Recommendation?:
Yes. Kissing Doorknobs gives the reader a new perspective of the OCD disease. It shows the struggles and family ripple such a simple illness could cause. I would highly recommend this novel to anyone looking for more information on OCD.

[Mariah Roze · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was extremely good! It taught me so much about OCD (a lot that I had no idea) and told it in story form! I suggest this book to everyone!! A great read to grow and expand the mind :)

[MissSusie · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an interesting story. Tara is a young girl with undiagnosed OCD she feels crazy and her family thinks she’s crazy and her behavior is causing them to go crazy.
This was a fascinating look into the mind of someone with OCD how awful it must be to have these compulsions .
When Tara first hears ‘Step on a crack and break your mothers back’ it gets stuck in head and she cannot ever step on another crack and starts counting them.
The journey she goes on from there is so sad , her parents take her to doctor after doctor who continue to misdiagnose her everything from ADD, anger issues, and even anorexia because of the fact she has to line up all her food before she eats it.
She can’t leave the house without kissing each finger and touching each one to the doorknob 33 times when someone comes to the door she can’t stop to answer it but the man on the other side of the door ends up to be her salvation and she is finally given the correct diagnosis.
This is a work of fiction but is based on the authors own life. This is a must read for anyone who may know someone with OCD or is just interested in the subject.
4 Stars

[Eve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, how I wish I read this as a youth

[Vanessa Ornelas]

Well I thought overall this was a great book, i loved reading it. It seriously blew my mind how much this poor girl had to suffer. No one understood what she went threw suffering with OCD.
I liked this book in that it showed a young girl struggling to come to terms with her OCD, and how her family reacted to it. It made me really sad to see how the mom reacted though. She took things to the extreme even threatening to kill her if she did not stop with this kind of behavior. Tara has a OCD with counting cracks, checking the road when her parents come home late and maybe the oddest one with kissing doorknobs.
And I hated her mother's reaction to all of it i really truly did. Slapping her daughter, Hitting her, wishing her dead that was just way to much. Tara said her mother wasn't abusive but really she was i feel like if anything the one that really needed more help was her mother. There was no need for her mother to keep beating her daughter. That part disgusted me and i hated having to see her go threw that. I loved how she was able to become friends with her old friends again after she got treatment and all and started getting better it gave me hope that one day she probably could overcome it. I really did love this book and i thought it was awesome i loved every second of it.

[K.J. Webster · Rating 3 out of 5]

At first I thought the mom was cool & funny, but slapping a kid in the face is not normal, the fact it was dismissed in that way bothered me.

Apart from that, the information about OCD was presented very well. It takes time to get the right diagnosis & even after getting diagnosed, everything isn’t “fixed” right away. I liked the ending, Sam having a major set back in front of Tara might not have been a traditional story tale ending, but it was important.

[Olivia Robertson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did have to read this book for a school project, but I really enjoyed it. I wasn’t expecting it to have the emotion heft it and I even cried a little.

[fiona · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kissing Doorknobs, by Terry Spencer Hesser, is an amazing book about a girl who struggles with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). The main character Tara starts being afraid of losing her parents. She always thinks they'll die, or get into a horrible accident. She hears the phrase "Step on a crack, break your mothers back!" and starts counting cracks on the street, taking extra care not to step on one. These unique quirks start to escalate and become worse and worse, up until she can barely live her life anymore, and is taken over by her sickness. Eventually, she meets Sam, a boy who suffers with OCD also. Together, they fight to conquer their battles of OCD that is taking over their lives.
I could really relate to this book, because when I was little, I had anxiety issues. I was scared to leave my mom, and I thought something bad would happen if I wasn't there, which was a little like what Tara felt like. This book also really brought you into Tara's world, and made you feel Tara's emotions. I felt like I was right next to Tara and helping her get through whatever problem she was trying to overcome.
I really liked the ending of this book, when Tara was helping Sam. It usually was the other way around, and Sam was helping Tara. It was shocking to learn that people can get rid of their OCD and then get it again. I felt so bad for Sam, and I was really glad that he had someone like Tara to help him get through it and be there for him, just as he was for her.
All in all, this book was fantastic. I really felt like I was in the moment and connected with the characters. I would definitely recommend this book. Amazing! :)

[711Isabel B · Rating 4 out of 5]

There all kinds of stories about kids that are struiggling in the world....And they usually are kids that seem fairly average.
But KISSING DOORKNOBS, by Terry Spencer Hesser opened up a whole new world.

I felt like the writing in KISSING DOORKNOBS was very similar to MYTHIRTEENTH WINTER, by Samantha Abeel. Both characters were dealing with things inside of their heads, things that other people couldn't understand, and things that they couldn't control. It took over their lives, turned everything upside down. I really liked reading both books because they had a point of view that not many people have the courage or the understanding to write about.

It also helped me develop as a person....Now I am beginning to understand how there are sometiomes thing beyond our control, even if it bneneath our skin, in our minds. Tara, from KISSING DOORKNOBS, was struggling with OCD, that hadn't been dignosed. She described her thoughts as "Tyrants"

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about a girl named Tara. She has always been on the nervous side-but around 10 years old she starts developing some strange habits. These habits include counting cracks, kissing her fingers before she can touch the front door knob, and crossing herself. This takes place before OCD was a commonly known disorder, and the story betrays the emotions and feeling Tara had to live through.

This book was very good. It was short, (I read it within one school day), and the characters were very well developed. I think that in the middle the story was a little disheartening, but by the end it really gave you hope for Tara.

[Patti · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is about obsessive compulsive disorder. One day a small girls starts realizing that if she steps on a crack in the sidewalk, the she will literally break her mothers back. And the story progresses from there. It shows how obsessions can become so ritualistic that people can't cope without them. And the fear of leaving those rituals was palpable. Interesting read but kind of disturbing.

[Sasha Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful Story. I read this last year and decided to read it again because of how much i enjoyed it.

[Glenda Rojas]

I am currently reading the book Kissing Doorknobs by Terry Spencer Hesser and the book is a story of a young girl who grew up with ocd.

[Olivia Kow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, I’m currently crying because I’ve never felt so seen by a book. No, im not exaggerating, im actually crying. As someone with ocd, Tara and Sam embody every feeling I’ve ever had about my compulsions. I don’t share the exact same obsessions as them, but their feelings are so damn real. Worrying that sam’s actions or Tara’s inactions would cause something bad to happen is so on the nose! I felt the same relief Tara felt hearing more people were like her reading about young people growing up with what I have. Reading about this experience was so incredibly validating.

Okay, enough about my emotions about this book. This book is written so well for it being a YA/middle grade (not that YA/MG books aren’t written well, I was just expecting a more juvenile approach). The simplistic explanations of anxieties and compulsions were so powerful. It wasn’t over-explained, but perfectly encapsulated the feelings associated with the disease.

I recommend this book to people with ocd— though it can be triggering, it’s also insanely validating and beautiful. However, I especially recommend this to people without ocd, because this book will give you a better understanding of what the disease puts us through and how NOT to handle it as an outsider.

This will go down as one of my favourite books I’ve ever read.

Please check your trigger warnings before reading this, but please, please read it.

[Melody Holloway · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book in late 1990s. Advised to do so after the sister of my first dearest lifelong friend told us both about the book one lazy Saturday afternoon as all three of us sat together on his waterbed. When I read the book I connected with Tara, having experienced similar signs / symptoms. Her diagnosis, self-understanding, growth, and improvement in quality of life happened more than a decade after OCD made it’s first subtle appearance. When I was later diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, then autism level one, ADHD, and a severe complex form of post traumatic stress disorder with a primary dissociation. I understood that yes indeed we can start experiencing emotional distress and becoming symptomatic of what life can do to us at the very beginning of our lives. This book while fictional is an eye-opening, enlightening, educational, informative read, not only concerning life with OCD, however, with eating disorders and teen pregnancy as well.

[Tracy Barton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tara is so relatable

I've never given much thought to how it must feel for someone with OCD, that it's terribly unpleasant for them, that they don't WANT to display such strange behaviors. I'm grateful not to have to deal with this. What a great story!

[Abaigeal · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is a great book. it really explains odc well and helped me understand it better

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, I read this because a friend of mine from work and I decided to exchange our most favorite books so that we could read them. She gave me this one, today. Of course I read it all, just finishing only a few minutes ago... It was a short read, sort of. But I did enjoy it. I can relate to Tara and her OCD because my father basically has the same thing, but it's just.. little ticks, sort of. Like.. if we put the toilet paper in the wrong way, he has to fix it; the roll has to be facing a certain way. He doesn't have daily rituals or anything like that, but he does have certain ticks.

I had a few teary moments, especially when Tara's mother was slapping her because of what was going on with her, but I do understand it... Not knowing what's going on with your child can make any mother go crazy. But at least things resolved themselves... The ending sort of made me sad, too, but I was happy, because Sam and Tara were going to work on things together. I can't really imagine having OCD... It seems quite scary to me, having to do these rituals every day, and having to do them over and over again...

But I definitely recommend this book to someone who has OCD or to someone who knows a person with OCD... it's quite an interesting read, and I like the way the author writes. Though it's not part of my usual genre, I did like it. I'll have to thank my friend for choosing the book.

[Sarah Cavar]

Okay, so: the portrayal of OCD in this book is so viscerally real that I actually recommend that people who aren't in a good place probably skip it. If I had picked this up a few years ago, I wouldn't have made it through the first ten pages.

I can 10000% vouch for the complete accuracy of this book in its depiction of OCD. That said, I don't know if I'd recommend it –– and I certainly would never make an unqualified recommendation –– for the following cornucopia of 90s trope reasons:

-anorexic model wannabe character
-Token Black Friend (who speaks butchered AAVE)
-shoehorned romance with absolutely no warning???
-bad girl friend who teaches MC the ways of sex, drugs, and shoplifting (oh my!) and, of course, becomes a Teen Mom™
-abusive mom with a drinking problem whose violence is completely excused because uwu she was scared
-Tough Love Therapist swoops in and saves crazy MC from herself

and much, much more!

As I said, the actual depiction of OCD here is brutally accurate, perhaps the most accurate I've ever read. But the book itself....well, it was published in 1998, if that's any indication, so read with a mountain of salt.

[Eiley McCardel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Edit after second read:
I simply can't accurately capture how grateful I am to have found this book. It truly changed my life and finally gave me the words to describe what I was going through and a tool to teach others. Now thanks to Tara and Sam I can celebrate my own little victory from the tyrants of being able to read this book out loud to others.


original review:
OCD accuracy that is so real that it was overwhelming. Nearing the end I cried from all emotion coming from see the "tyrants" Ive had in head so long, laid out so clear that it almost hurt and made me feel understood in a way only John Green has me feel with his book 'turtles all the way down' ,as well as make me realize that my sister most likely can relate to the things I couldn't. I would 100% recommend this

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5. This book was eye opening. It gave such a sad, realistic portrayal of what it's like to be a young girl suffering with extreme OCD, and the effect it has on everyone around her. Yet ultimately hopeful, because it shows that with a proper diagnosis, a competent therapist, and a commitment to the hard work of change, there can be recovery. Although it's fiction, I think if you have anyone in your life who struggles with any form of OCD, this book is helpful reading.

[charlotte · Rating 4 out of 5]

reread. this book gives me such a strange feeling. it’s like reading MY diary. actual conversations i’ve had, the anger and confusion, so similar to my family dynamic and especially her mother, such specific compulsions. i got diagnosed with ocd just after i turned 12 and now 18, have never found media i related to until i found this book. while i do find some flaws within in, i feel so less alone. a short read, you could definitely get through in a few days if you put aside time:-)

[Dave Schaafsma · Rating 2 out of 5]

You know, I don't love this book. There's in my opinion some very bad and wooden writing in it.... but having said this, when I teach my YA class, ANYONE who has OCD LOVES it because they can relate to it... so I usually have it on my list of "choice" books to read... and inevitably, someone does a project about OCD... so is this is really a very good book, is my rating low?

[Mikayla · Rating 1 out of 5]

TERRIBLE!!!! DON'T READ UNLESS YOU HAVE TO!!!!!

[Gracie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Started out strong but went downhill as the book progressed. First and foremost, Tara’s family is awful. Her mother was definitely abusive, but the writing portrays her as a victim we are meant to empathize with? Though I don’t struggle from OCD, I do suffer with severe anxiety and can relate to parents who desperately want their child to be normal. Parents who don’t know how to cope and who simply cannot understand what the child is going through, which leads to conflicts and damaged relationships. This was not a good portrayal of that AT ALL.
It grossed me out the way the mothers behavior was excused away. Another huge issue that was also gross and weird is the metaphor made comparing white girl Tara’s OCD recovery to SLAVES WANTING TO RECIND THEIR FREEDOM AND GO BACK TO LITERAL ENSLAVEMENT?? Outside of being ignorant, the entire discussion was so unnecessary. The reader already knows Tara is scared and unsure of her recovery. The cherry on top was the stereotypical black friend sidekick (who was an over exaggerated caricature throughout the book) of course being there to back this situation up. The storyline with Donna was pretty decent, and I actually really liked the interaction between Uncle Joe and them trying to buy condoms. It was refreshing to see a book advocate for protection rather than regurgitate storylines about abstinence and purity. On the other hand, I feel as though Kristin’s eating disorder was poorly examined and served no point in the book. None of the girls, including Tara, seem to emphasize with Kristen or recognize her struggles. In a book aiming to normalize and educate about OCD, a mental health struggle, it seems odd to continually talk about Kristin’s heavily implied anorexia in such a callous and cold way. She’s made out to seem dumb for having the eating disorder rather than Tara recognizing she’s also struggling with her own version of tyrants in her head. Overall, I think this book shows and explains OCD pretty well, which is why I even gave it two stars in the first place.

[Christine Rollins LeStarge]

I first was introduced to this book as part of a book club where we were being examined as young adults reacting to YA fiction about mental health disorders. Six years later, as I read this book for the second time I couldn't help but feel stressed out by reading this book. After reading half the book (it's only 149 pages) I had to take a break because I was just so stressed out... and I'm not the one with anxiety!

This book chronicles the life of a girl, Tara, from age 10 to 15. Her symptoms of OCD begin around the time the book starts, and then the book ends after a few months of successful treatment. Throughout the book, you get a taste of what life is like as a person living with OCD. As Tara goes through her life, you see the ravaging effects of the "tyrants" in her head. Overall, though, the story is one of hope -- she finds in the end people like her and a really good therapist, one who helps her overcome her problems.

I love how Hesser describes Tara's thought processes and emphasizes through Tara's experience that Tara knows what she does is not rational. She realizes she is out of control, but by the same token she can't do anything about it. A novel of this sort is the perfect medium to understand the disease on a human level, and Hesser interweaves the joys and sorrows of middle school and early high school so realistically with this girl who is struggling to be "normal" in such a way that anyone can relate.

Although I'm certainly no expert on OCD and have no one close to me with the disease, this book seems to accurately bring to an individual's attention the reality of this devastating and interfering problem. Taking it at face value, it's an enjoyable (albeit stressful) read about an interesting affliction.