Mark Twain's Helpful Hints for Good Living: A Handbook for the Damned Human Race

Jumping Frogs: Undiscovered, Rediscovered, and Celebrated Writings of Mark Twain

by Mark Twain, Lin Salamo (Editor), Victor Fischer (Editor)

Irreverent, charming, eminently quotable, this handbook—an eccentric etiquette guide for the human race—contains sixty-nine aphorisms, anecdotes, whimsical suggestions, maxims, and cautionary tales from Mark Twain's private and published writings. It dispenses advice and reflections on family life and public manners; opinions on topics such as dress, health, food, and childrearing and safety; and more specialized tips, such as those for dealing with annoying salesmen and burglars. Culled from Twain's personal letters, autobiographical writings, speeches, novels, and sketches, these pieces are delightfully fresh, witty, startlingly relevant, and bursting with Twain's characteristic ebullience for life. They also remind us exactly how Mark Twain came to be the most distinctive and well-known American literary voice in the world. These texts, some of them new or out of print for decades, have been selected and meticulously prepared by the editors at the Mark Twain Project.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Classics, Audiobook, Essays, Short Stories, Literature

224 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1991

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.

Samuel Langhorne Clemens, known by the pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist and essayist. He was praised as the "greatest humorist the United States has produced," with William Faulkner calling him "the father of American literature." His novels include The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), with the latter often called the "Great American Novel." Twain also wrote A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889) and Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894), and co-wrote The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today (1873) with Charles Dudley Warner.

Reviews

[Diane S ☔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love Mark Twain and his pithy observations and a good dose of humor was desperately needed. After a short bio, various sayings, Criticisms and writings are divided into chapters on such subjects as child rearing, food, etiquette etc. Some of course more humorous than others. One could quote endlessly from his various works but I chose just two. These two were pertinent to things my husband and I were discussing.

"If one is a pessimist before the age of 48, one knows too much. If an optimist after that age, one knows too little."

I agree wholeheartedly.

Advice for those who have recently passed.
"Leave your dog outside because if heaven was based on merit, your dog would go in and you would stay out "

I'm sure all dog lovers would agree.

This short audio is free for members on audible plus.

[Riku Sayuj · Rating 2 out of 5]

Manages to make Twain sound not-so-pithy and not-so-witty. And that must have taken serious effort.

A collection Twain would not have approved of, I guess. No aphorisms here, just some famous quotes and some not-so-famous passages on everything from american food to toiletries, put together as a "handbook" on life (travel, food, etc.) but completely disorganized by any real reckoning.

The bit about "damned human race" was fun, while it lasted. But that turned out to be what would now be called "linkbaiting" or "titlebaiting".

[batsaki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Η πρώτη μου επαφή με τον Mark Twain, το συμπέρασμα μου; Πρέπει να ήταν πολύ τυπάς!
Αστείος; Ευφυής; Κυνικός; Σοφός; Είναι όλα!

...
Μην κάνετε κριτική στο πρόσωπο προς τιμήν του οποίου γίνεται η γιορτή.
Μην κάνετε σχόλια για την ποιότητα των αντικειμένων και του εξοπλισμού της γιορτής. Αν τα χερούλια είναι απλώς επάργυρα, καλύτερα να μην φανεί ότι το προσέξατε.
Αν το άρωμα των λουλουδιών είναι ασφυκτικό και σας κάνει να αισθάνεστε άσχημα, θυμηθείτε ότι δεν τα έχουν φέρει εκεί για σας και ότι το πρόσωπο για το οποίο τα έχουν φέρει δεν αισθάνεται καμία δυσφορία εξαιτίας τους.
ακούστε, με όσο πιο τεταμένη έκφραση προσοχής μπορείτε, την επίσημη περιγραφή του χαρακτήρα και της ιστορίας του προσώπου προς τιμήν του οποίου γίνεται η γιορτή. Κι αν αυτά τα στοιχεία σάς φαίνεται ότι μερικές φορές δεν συμπίπτουν με την πραγματικότητα, μη σκουντάτε τον διπλανό σας, μην του πατάτε το πόδι και μην εκδηλώνετε με καμία άλλη χειρονομία τη γνώση σας, ότι αυτά που ακούτε είναι παραμύθια.
Αν γνωρίζετε ότι είναι υπερβολικές οι ελπίδες που εκφράζονται επισήμως σχετικά με το πρόσωπο προς τιμήν του οποίου γίνεται η γιορτή, αφήστε το να περάσει - μη διακόπτετε.
Στα συγκινητικά σημεία, συγκινηθείτε - αλλά πάντα ανάλογα με το βαθμό οικειότητας σας με τα πρόσωπα που κάνουν τη γιορτή ή με το πρόσωπο προς τιμήν του οποίο γίνεται αυτή. Όταν ένας στενός συγγενής κλαίει με λυγμούς, ένας καλός φίλος θα πρέπει να ξεροβήχει, ένας μακρινός γνωστός θα πρέπει ν' αναστενάζει, ένας ξένος θα πρέπει απλώς να σφίγγει συμπονετικά το μαντίλι του. Όταν η περίσταση είναι στρατιωτική, οι συγκινήσεις πρέπει να διαβαθμίζονται ανάλογα με το στρατιωτικό βαθμό: Οι ανώτατοι στρατιωτικοί που είναι παρόντες πρέπει να έχουν προτεραιότητα στη συγκινησιακή σφοδρότητα και οι υπόλοιποι να τροποποιούν τα συναισθήματα τους ανάλογα με το βαθμό τους στην υπηρεσία.
Μην παίρνετε μαζί τον σκύλο σας.

(Στην κηδεία.)
...

Αφήστε το σκύλο σας απ' έξω. Ο παράδεισος σας προσφέρεται ως χάρη. Αν προσφερόταν ανάλογα με την αξία του καθενός, θα μένατε έξω εσείς, ενώ ο σκύλος σας θα περνούσε μέσα.
...

Αστείο και γρήγορο ανάγνωσμα, δεν με απογοήτευσε!

[Katie · Rating 2 out of 5]

What a weird time. I think I was expecting...well, a book by Mark Twain I guess. Not a compilation of his assorted writings with interjections. I have no idea if it is a good representation of his work or not. I definitely laughed through some of the stories, however I got a general sense that while he could be funny, I wasn't actually a fan of Samuel Clemens.
The best part of this book was Grover Gardener THERE I SAID IT.

[Onyango Makagutu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Advice to those headed to heaven.
Leave your dog outside, if heaven is by merit, your dog would go in and you would remain.
I love Mark Twain

[Lubinka Dimitrova · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this book is not intended so much as a manual of helpful hints, but rather as a compilation of humorous and insightful short stories, essays, and observations, it contains many helpful advice of the kind that I generously like to bestow on my innocent and unsuspecting friends who never seem to appreciate my wisdom as much as it deserves, oftentimes to their own detriment.

I mostly enjoyed his views on parenting and raising an ethical child which I wish would be better absorbed by said child (alas, an elusive hope of any parent):

Always obey your parents, when they are present. This is the best policy in the long run; because if you don’t, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do; and you can generally make more by humoring that superstition than you can by acting on your own better judgment. Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any; also to strangers, and sometimes to others. If a person offend you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick. That will be sufficient. If you shall find that he had not intended any offense, come out frankly and confess yourself in the wrong when you struck him; acknowledge it like a man, and say you didn’t mean to. Yes, always avoid violence; in this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined.

Compared to the overly (and absolutely unnecessarily) verbose edition of his autobiography that I read last year and which was flooded with millions of insignificant trivialities, this book was a breath of fresh air.

[Joel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Twain is the only fictional writer I like. This book is not a surprise in its humor, candidness, or poignancy from any of his other books. That is not a trite statement, those qualities, and many, many more are what make Twain the icon he is today.

[Daphne · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were some rather engaging parts in this. I adored the story of the naked bear acting. ;)

[Tabitha · Rating 4 out of 5]

This compilation of short stories was organized posthumously from some of the many documents within the Mark Twain estate. The topics varied across a range of advice topics from complaints and everyday etiquette to diet, raising ethical children, and what to do in case of emergency. Some tied together but were written many years apart (e.g. Notice. To the Next Burgular., Burglary and the Well Tempered Householder, and Under the Policeman's Eye). My favorites included: An Innovative Dinner Party System, pretty much all of his commentary on children (especially the Sample of Childish Ethics), Playing "Bear", and Experience of the McWilliamses with Membranous Croup.

The subtitle comes from a quote he made at some point and might be off putting to some. I would note that the title really has little to do with the rest of the book other than trying to catch people's eye. The text is similar to any other prose written by Mark Twain.

This is not a long book but its not an exceptionally short read. As I read the stories, their breaks tended to force some pause for reflection rather than continuing directly into the next page.

[Patrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Delightful! A collection of writings, from 30 page essays to 1 pages scribbles transcribed from various scraps of paper, I found this to be a perfect introduction to the Non-Huckleberry works of Mark Twain. Mark Twain has the uncanny ability to make me laugh out loud without my knowing why. He just tickles my funny-bone. The writings range from the subject of child-rearing (I think he raised 3 girls) to high fashion of his time. His analysis of American culture, from the perspective of a seasoned world traveler still rings true today. This book is hilarious without being stilted, which provides immense relief from the humor found in television, film, and literature today.

Read Mark Twain, especially the non-fiction.

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are so many good things to be said about this book.

I was very familiar with Mark Twain prior to reading this, honors and AP english classes have been crammed full of his works. However, this book still allowed me to know him even better.

I love the organization of this book into topics of "advice". I especially enjoyed the topic involving children as Twain's hilarious tone really worked well when telling the stories of his children. Through this book I came to know Twain as not only a funny writer but as a genuinely eccentric and interesting human being.

I would reccomend this book to anyone. Especially those who are already familiar with Twain. However, the works compiled here are of such a broad range that really anybody could enjoy them.

[Mom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although it has been awhile since I read this book, Mark Twain proves to be not only a master of satire, but also a thoughtful and candid assessor of the political climate of the late 19th, early 20th century. It may seem unimportant to comprehend the conflicts, both physical and ideological, that were transpiring at this time; however the outcome of these conflicts laid the groundwork for the world as we know it today.
Fans of The Daily Show and Jon Stewart might imagine the discourse that could have taken place between Mark Twain and Jon Stewart. Although a medicore student, George W must have absorbed some of the sentimentalities of TR, at least his advisors did.

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

A compendium of Twain stories, excerpts, anecdotes, and quotations, thematically organized. Twain was so clever - it's very interesting to note his style of humor, particularly in early radio entertainers like Jack Benny. I've listened to many of Benny's old broadcasts and find him very much "in voice" with Twain. There is a strong strain of this great man in the peculiar DNA of American comedy.

[Rebecca Bailia-sisk · Rating 5 out of 5]

So funny and true! Helps you laugh at our frailty.

[Chambers Stevens · Rating 4 out of 5]

Any book with a picture of Mark Twain in a bathing suit is worth reading!

[Troy Blackford · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was hilarious, thought-provoking, and charming through and through. Some of the wit in this book can still make me laugh, just thinking about it. Thoroughly enjoyable, quick read.

[Julio Almeida · Rating 3 out of 5]

A blog from the XIX century.

[Paul Spence · Rating 3 out of 5]

What a wonderful job the editors of this book did in selecting and compiling this assortment of Mark Twain's writings. The topics covered are so varied and the time period they occur in gives the reader a good idea of worldly happenings and Twain's attitude at the time of each writing. This edition contains over 60 topics written by Twain mostly with tongue in cheek. He writes articles on family life and public manners. It speaks of dress and fashion, health issues, popular foods world-wide, tips on child rearing and even safety. It's a "how to" book on dealing with salesmen and even how to fend off burglars. The material was compiled from various sources that Clements published in over a 50 year expanse of time. Many of the topics have been out of print for decades.This book reads like a modern day "Dear Helouise."

Twain also gives his opinion On A Complaint About Umbrella Service, Unwanted Magazine Subscriptions, How A Proposed Street Widening Should be handled, Traveling In Close Quarters with perfect strangers. Smoking, Health and Diet, Youthful Misdemeanors, and Under A Policeman's Eye.

In this book, Samuel Clements, under the pen name of Mark Twain, offers a guide trough the "choppy waters" of life and he adds just the right amount of his personal waves to topple the boat and all within it. No one comes out of this work unsoaked. What a delight. Lewis Grizzard comes about the closest of all authors to Mark Twain in terms of spreading joy and happiness through the watching and talking about other people who are all part of "The Damn Human Race!"

The author has such a magnetic and energetic style of writing, His wit is sharp and his experience is worldly. I think anyone who would enjoy picking up a book and being thoroughly entertained for how ever long they wish to read would find this book as fun and most enjoyable.

[David Doel · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.

I wish all the "patriots" and "Christians" on Facebook could read and understand this quote.

Reading this, it is surprising how much of Mark Twain's commentary at the start of the 20th century can be adapted to the start of the 21st. All I can say is that it's too bad that he's not around to comment on our current sorry state of affairs.

I gave the book five stars because of what it taught me about Mark Twain's times. So little of this was in my history books and so much of it should be known and appreciated. The writing is sometimes excellent and sometimes so-so. But at all times, it is worth the trudge.

[Jason Holliday · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really thought I was going to give this book 4 stars as I was reading it, but it just kept getting better and better and funnier and funnier, so 5 it is. I almost missed a couple of the subtle jokes in some of the stories which made it all the more comical when it hit me. MT's wit and incredible mastery of the English language is just as incredible as I had heard and read about in other sources. I'll have to read more material from him soon. I'm sure I'll be rereading this great book again and trying to learn from it and improve my own writing style.

[J. Alfred · Rating 3 out of 5]

"All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn," says Hemingway, and Huck Finn comes from a guy who wrote letters to the editor. This book is a fun collection of Twain's throwaway pieces, divided up into broad categories. It's a good place for trivia on Twain's family life and giggles. For instance:
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society."

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quite amusing. Most of the essays and stories are on the humorous side and are excellent.

His short essay about how he became a an activist for the humane treatment of animals touched me deeply. Most kids who grow up in the country have similar stories; we do something cruel and it dawns on us that we have no right to do that to another living being.

I'm not sure if city or suburban kids have that experience.

[Laura Turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book over time - when I had 20 minutes open. They are short ancedotes, pieces he wrote, some snippets from his books. I love them but I did make me wonder if there was alot more out there that I would have liked to read - not previously in a book - that didn't make the cut because it didn't fill one of the categories. When I pay attention, I can appreciate how skillful a writer his is but most times, I forget my role as the reader and just enjoy.

[Lorelei · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing and not the best representation of Samuel Clemens' wit and humour. A better character sketch of his wife and some of his children. The narrator is very hard to take. There were a few gems and funny moments but not enough to recommend this audiobook. Unless of course you like ramblings on uninteresting topics such as bland American food, for example.

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a thoroughly entertaining collections of the wit and witticisms of Mark Twain. Some are familiar, but most I had never previously heard.
This audio presentation, with narration performed by Grover Gardner, was perfect for those long walks of a pleasant spring day, when you could lose yourself in the humor of another time from a master in sarcasm.
Recommended!

[AndreasRaptis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Υπάρχουν αυτοί που έγραψαν με witty στιλ -ο Χέμινγουεϊ, ο Σενταρις κλπ - και υπάρχει και ο μπαμπάς τους. Μαρκ Τουέιν, ο μπαμπάς κάθε γραφιά του 20ου αιώνα που διαθέτει στοιχειώδες χιουμορ και τσαχπινιά στο υφος δηλαδή.

[Orrin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Twain is awesome but these non-fiction compilations of bits n pieces are, imho, a waste of time. For every truism and elegant piece of advice, there is ten pieces of inane garbage that i didnt need to read.

Oh well, better than not reading at all

[Xin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as good/funny as I expected

[Scott Jann · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve always found Mark Twain intriguing, the stories in this compilation are fun, I most enjoyed the vivid descriptions of life in his time.

[Andy Brough · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Lots of funny between the covers.