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Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken
Buddhist-inspired advice for working through romantic breakups and other painful emotional periods—by the best-selling author of The Buddha Walks into a Bar...
Buddhism has a lot to say about suffering—and there are likely few times we suffer more intensely than when we break up with a romantic partner. It feels like you may never recover sometimes. But Lodro Rinzler has wonderfully good news for those suffering the 2,500-year-old teachings of the Buddha are the ultimate antidote for emotional pain. And you don't need to be a Buddhist for them to apply to you.
In this short and compact first-aid kit for a broken heart, he walks you through the cause and cure of suffering, with much practical advice for self-care as you work to survive a breakup. The wisdom he presents applies to any kind of emotional suffering. It's a great, practical offering of consolation for someone you know who's going through a tough time, and for yourself when you're looking for the light at the end of the tunnel in your own situation.
Buddhism has a lot to say about suffering—and there are likely few times we suffer more intensely than when we break up with a romantic partner. It feels like you may never recover sometimes. But Lodro Rinzler has wonderfully good news for those suffering the 2,500-year-old teachings of the Buddha are the ultimate antidote for emotional pain. And you don't need to be a Buddhist for them to apply to you.
In this short and compact first-aid kit for a broken heart, he walks you through the cause and cure of suffering, with much practical advice for self-care as you work to survive a breakup. The wisdom he presents applies to any kind of emotional suffering. It's a great, practical offering of consolation for someone you know who's going through a tough time, and for yourself when you're looking for the light at the end of the tunnel in your own situation.
184 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2016
172 people are currently reading
1219 people want to read
About the author
Lodro Rinzler
27 books198 followersLodro is a practitioner and teacher in the Shambhala Buddhist lineage. He began meditating as a child and sat retreats as a teenager, even going as far as attending a silent month-long retreat during which he shaved his head and took monastic robes and vows.
When he left for college he received two heirlooms from his parents. From his father, a mala which he had used to recite mantras. From his mother, her father’s flask. He utilized both greatly in the four years ahead. During that time Lodro became a Vajrayana student of Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche. He also established Buddhist House, an eighteen person dorm at Wesleyan University which hosts a large meditation room. He began teaching meditation at that time.
After leaving college he was recruited to the position of the Executive Director of the Boston Shambhala Center. He began leading numerous workshops at meditation centers and college campuses throughout the United States. Lodro served as the Head of Development for Shambhala internationally before founding the Institute for Compassionate Leadership.
His column, What Would Sid Do, appears regularly on the Huffington Post and the Interdependence Project and his writing has appeared in Shape Magazine, Real Simple Magazine, the Shambhala Sun, Buddhadharma, and the Good Men Project.
When he left for college he received two heirlooms from his parents. From his father, a mala which he had used to recite mantras. From his mother, her father’s flask. He utilized both greatly in the four years ahead. During that time Lodro became a Vajrayana student of Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche. He also established Buddhist House, an eighteen person dorm at Wesleyan University which hosts a large meditation room. He began teaching meditation at that time.
After leaving college he was recruited to the position of the Executive Director of the Boston Shambhala Center. He began leading numerous workshops at meditation centers and college campuses throughout the United States. Lodro served as the Head of Development for Shambhala internationally before founding the Institute for Compassionate Leadership.
His column, What Would Sid Do, appears regularly on the Huffington Post and the Interdependence Project and his writing has appeared in Shape Magazine, Real Simple Magazine, the Shambhala Sun, Buddhadharma, and the Good Men Project.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 100 reviews
January 28, 2018
Asking for help is really hard for me. I was raised by a incredibly stubborn, independent and self-sufficient woman, so, shocking no one, I grew up to be stubborn, fiercely independent and self-sufficient lady. I learned to ask for and accept help, but it took a long time, and my built-in reflex is still to tell people to go fuck themselves when they are like "I'm here for you". So when a writer is like "I'll be with you through this journey and it will be OK, we'll do this together", I have an urge to throw the book out the window.
But I also know that Lodro Rinzler wrote these words as a genuine offer of friendship to his readers. So I roll my eyes and keep reading. Because as annoying as he sometimes sound, Rinzler really put himself out there to write this book: he met with people - often perfect strangers - who were willing to open up about their heartbreaks and he listened to their stories, never judged them, shared in their pain and compiled this little collection of advice based on their experience; what worked for them, and how they found ways to thread water until they felt better. Knowing that, I really can't throw the book out the window. But I have on a couple of occasions, thrown it at people who needed to read a few of its pages.
This book is not laid-out traditionally. Each chapter addresses a different angle of heartbreak, so you can skip passages to go directly to what concerns you. Romantic heartbreak is a big part of what is discussed in the book, but it is also realistic about the fact that partners are not the only ones who have the power to break your heart. Family members, friends, colleagues and society also has the power to abandon and betray you, to make you feel like you might never get better or be able to trust and care ever again. Navigating that kind of emotional turmoil is tricky at best, and utterly devastating at worst.
Each short chapter addresses different stages of heartbreak and what you can do about it without ever denying how you feel. Because the worse thing you can possibly do in such a situation is to pretend that you are fine. It's pointless to recap the advice Rinzler wrote in the book; the best I can do is to simply say that his silly little "I'm here for you" actually really helps. Once you can wrap your head around heartbreak being caused by expectations not being met, and once you understand that it is possible to recycle pain into a learning opportunity, you are already halfway up the hill.
I spend most of my twenties being heartbroken. Wrong partners, bad friends, unskilled parents, unrealistic societal expectations, a world full of people who deny other people's humanity with every step and action they take: all these things shattered me on a daily basis. I didn't have a waking moment that didn't feel like I had a huge piece of lead stuck in my chest. After one particularly thorny breakup, I found myself in a space that was completely mine for the first time in my life, and that opportunity to really get to know and love myself (no distractions!) was a lifeline. And so many of the small things that helped me are actually somewhere in Rinzler's book...
It looks cheesy, and if you are anything like me, you won't be caught dead reading it on the bus, but if you are heartbroken, it's very likely there's a few line in this book that can help out a wee bit.
But I also know that Lodro Rinzler wrote these words as a genuine offer of friendship to his readers. So I roll my eyes and keep reading. Because as annoying as he sometimes sound, Rinzler really put himself out there to write this book: he met with people - often perfect strangers - who were willing to open up about their heartbreaks and he listened to their stories, never judged them, shared in their pain and compiled this little collection of advice based on their experience; what worked for them, and how they found ways to thread water until they felt better. Knowing that, I really can't throw the book out the window. But I have on a couple of occasions, thrown it at people who needed to read a few of its pages.
This book is not laid-out traditionally. Each chapter addresses a different angle of heartbreak, so you can skip passages to go directly to what concerns you. Romantic heartbreak is a big part of what is discussed in the book, but it is also realistic about the fact that partners are not the only ones who have the power to break your heart. Family members, friends, colleagues and society also has the power to abandon and betray you, to make you feel like you might never get better or be able to trust and care ever again. Navigating that kind of emotional turmoil is tricky at best, and utterly devastating at worst.
Each short chapter addresses different stages of heartbreak and what you can do about it without ever denying how you feel. Because the worse thing you can possibly do in such a situation is to pretend that you are fine. It's pointless to recap the advice Rinzler wrote in the book; the best I can do is to simply say that his silly little "I'm here for you" actually really helps. Once you can wrap your head around heartbreak being caused by expectations not being met, and once you understand that it is possible to recycle pain into a learning opportunity, you are already halfway up the hill.
I spend most of my twenties being heartbroken. Wrong partners, bad friends, unskilled parents, unrealistic societal expectations, a world full of people who deny other people's humanity with every step and action they take: all these things shattered me on a daily basis. I didn't have a waking moment that didn't feel like I had a huge piece of lead stuck in my chest. After one particularly thorny breakup, I found myself in a space that was completely mine for the first time in my life, and that opportunity to really get to know and love myself (no distractions!) was a lifeline. And so many of the small things that helped me are actually somewhere in Rinzler's book...
It looks cheesy, and if you are anything like me, you won't be caught dead reading it on the bus, but if you are heartbroken, it's very likely there's a few line in this book that can help out a wee bit.
July 11, 2022
Any book that starts off with "Well fuck" is the kind of book I want to read, and that's how it feels when you've been heartbroken.
Rinzler doesn't sugar coat anything, which I really appreciated. He's direct and honest, but also sympathetic and supportive, while sharing personal experiences.
This book is set up in a manner in which you can go to whatever chapter you need most at the time. It also includes some Buddhism, which I don't practice, but took a lot from his teachings and advice based on it.
I read this in a day, which is probably not the point, but I'm sure I will refer back to it in the future.
All in all, I would recommend this book to anyone because we've all experienced heartbreak.
*I did receive a free copy of this book from Goodreads giveaways*
Rinzler doesn't sugar coat anything, which I really appreciated. He's direct and honest, but also sympathetic and supportive, while sharing personal experiences.
This book is set up in a manner in which you can go to whatever chapter you need most at the time. It also includes some Buddhism, which I don't practice, but took a lot from his teachings and advice based on it.
I read this in a day, which is probably not the point, but I'm sure I will refer back to it in the future.
All in all, I would recommend this book to anyone because we've all experienced heartbreak.
*I did receive a free copy of this book from Goodreads giveaways*
November 22, 2023
Page 1 of this book says it’s not meant to be read cover to cover, rather it suggests a reader dip into relevant chapters during times of need - so what did I do? I read it cover to cover, because that’s who I am, and that’s how I operate.
I took notes throughout, and it’s interesting to look back on how my emotional state evolved overtime. There were tears at the start. It was healing in a truth hurts kind of way. By the middle to end though - I didn’t feel like I needed to even finish it… too bad I have this personal obsessive tendency, and once I start a book I force myself to finish it.
Anyway, some parts resonated more than others, obviously, and I am sure I will revisit specific chapters (as this book is intended to be consumed) later in life.
Cheers to the Buddhists for being so damn levelheaded.
———
“We become really attached to our ideas and fixed expectations of how things should be. And when anything other than our specific notion of how thing should work occurs our elaborate fantasy explodes” ah - to define heartbreak.
I took notes throughout, and it’s interesting to look back on how my emotional state evolved overtime. There were tears at the start. It was healing in a truth hurts kind of way. By the middle to end though - I didn’t feel like I needed to even finish it… too bad I have this personal obsessive tendency, and once I start a book I force myself to finish it.
Anyway, some parts resonated more than others, obviously, and I am sure I will revisit specific chapters (as this book is intended to be consumed) later in life.
Cheers to the Buddhists for being so damn levelheaded.
———
“We become really attached to our ideas and fixed expectations of how things should be. And when anything other than our specific notion of how thing should work occurs our elaborate fantasy explodes” ah - to define heartbreak.
February 12, 2017
Share this book with someone who is heartbroken. Consult this book when you are wondering if you should leave him. Pull it out when you are missing someone you can't see again. Pick out the chapter that fits the current hell you are experiencing. My favorites sections are: If You Wonder What Happens When a Loved One Dies; and If Society Has Broken Your Heart; and If You Feel Relief-Guilt.
Breathe, sleep, eat, read, meditate, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. Survive.
Breathe, sleep, eat, read, meditate, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. Survive.
March 14, 2022
Helpful and really well read.
September 3, 2021
a Simple Book. talks about the suffering of heartbreak from a "simple Buddhist" perspective. starting out by mentioning the grand first rule of Buddhism. then going on how you can deal with this suffering and going through it in a healthy way. with some exercises here and there.
2.5/5. :)
2.5/5. :)
January 24, 2020
truly an incredible approach to a self help book. there is something in here for everyone, I guarantee it. I’ll be buying this book and sharing it with anyone who needs it. I want to hug the author.
December 29, 2021
On an average day, I fit the bill of someone who would roll their eyes at the corniness of the content. However, as I read the book in a single setting (which is the exact opposite of the approach laid down by Rinzler but oh well), my opinion took a 180 degree turn, for multiple reasons given below:
A) The book isn't limited in its scope to cover just romantic heartbreak. It expands the definition of heartbreak and considers pain associated with loss of pets, family, friendships and even the difficulty of surviving in an unjust society.
B) The format is well thought out. The book is broken into short, bite-sized, individual segments that each cover a particular form of turmoil and can be read in piece-meal fashion on their own. It is suited to soothe a person in moment of their distress and at a time when they possibly have too short an attention span to read a whole book to feel better.
C) Rinzler doesn't dismiss the need for therapy and medication. He believes that meditation can often be used in complement to both. A direct quote from the book: 'The Buddha never taught a discourse titled “Don’t Help Yourself, Continue to Suffer Your Chemical Imbalance.” If you have a mental illness, meditation may be helpful, but it should be considered an addition to, not a substitution for, prescribed medication.' Many a key lessons/takeaways I learnt in year long therapy resonate with Rinzler's thinking.
Above points aside, Rinzler simplified the notion of familial loss, guilt, systemic issues in ways that I am not aligned with. However if you'd like to make sense of inner turbulence, the book could be right fit!
January 15, 2022
Heartbreak comes in many forms, (not just romantic) and with a soft heart, it comes often. I appreciated the author’s genuineness, hearing his personal experiences and interviews with others hugely helped the sadness of feeling alone in a society that has broken your heart (my favorite chapter).
He reaches out as a friend and therapist in the book, even giving his personal email and offering to call you if you need to hear it will be ok and the pain will eventually stop. Whether he does or not, who knows, but I appreciated the sentiment, and found, once again, some of the Buddhist ways very helpful with healing.
He reaches out as a friend and therapist in the book, even giving his personal email and offering to call you if you need to hear it will be ok and the pain will eventually stop. Whether he does or not, who knows, but I appreciated the sentiment, and found, once again, some of the Buddhist ways very helpful with healing.
January 13, 2025
This book honestly makes me feel like I'm overreacting because my story isn't as bad as others. But there was a chapter called "If You Feel Like You Have No Right to Be Heartbroken" that made me feel a bit better.
I'm trying really hard to remind myself that my feelings are valid even though my story isn't as terrible as others.
I'm trying really hard to remind myself that my feelings are valid even though my story isn't as terrible as others.
October 11, 2018
Says what needs to be said (to the point, short, and sweet). Can be read where you can go directly to what you need right now, or what you want to hear. I initially picked up this book to understand the heartbreak someone I care about is going through, however other reasons for heartbreak (not just romantic relationships are covered as well, and that is comforting to know.
I didn't realize it's by the same guy that wrote The Buddha Walks into a Bar...: A Guide to Life for a New Generation, until the author provided his contact information, and he explained in his note an inside joke: I noticed he talks about Milarepa like he did in his first book, too.
I think I'd like to buy my own copy to have on hand when I need it. Otherwise, please excuse me while I go like some quotes.
I didn't realize it's by the same guy that wrote The Buddha Walks into a Bar...: A Guide to Life for a New Generation, until the author provided his contact information, and he explained in his note an inside joke: I noticed he talks about Milarepa like he did in his first book, too.
I think I'd like to buy my own copy to have on hand when I need it. Otherwise, please excuse me while I go like some quotes.
December 27, 2023
straightforward life & love advice from a buddhist teacher, encouraging, validating, and comforting, though very basic.
July 21, 2017
Well, as someone who has spent the last 30 years heartbroken (and who feels that it is entirely inadequate that I haven't "moved on") I found this sweet, wise little book a consoling pleasure every time I picked it up. First of all Rinzler gives the simplest meditation instruction I have ever read that offers ANYONE the tools to meditate (sit for 10 minutes a day, have decent posture, focus on your natural breathing, when your mind wanders, note that and focus on your breathing again). Each chapter addresses a question, so you can skip to whichever ones look interesting. They are short; they are direct; they are sometimes funny and often offer just the right words. I picked it up a number of times prepared to be dismissive and ended up reading it with a smile and not returning it to the library. High praise.
February 6, 2017
I love the library. I can go there and look at the "New Non-Fiction" shelf and pick something I've never heard of and take it home and fall in love. It happens all the time. This wonderfully little book is my latest random library find. It only takes an hour or two to read, but it's meant to be the type of book you go to again and again when you need encouragement.
This book is for everyone, as we are all heartbroken about something. I found it funny, relatable, and really heartwarming. I'll definitely be looking for the author's other books as he speaks about Buddhism and modern life in a way that is completely honest and lacking in pretense.
This book is for everyone, as we are all heartbroken about something. I found it funny, relatable, and really heartwarming. I'll definitely be looking for the author's other books as he speaks about Buddhism and modern life in a way that is completely honest and lacking in pretense.
June 17, 2017
"Another thing Suzuki Roshi once said was, 'Life is like stepping onto a boat that is about to sail out to sea and sink.'"
"The Zen master Seung Sahn once said, 'Being a bodhisattva means when people come, don't cut them off; when people go, don't cut them off.'"
"As the Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn once said, 'Understanding is the other name of love. If you don't understand, you can't love.'"
"Yet here's the simple truth: we are always creating society. Every time we interact with someone we are creating society. Also, the way we show up in our smaller societies has an impact on society overall."
"The Zen master Seung Sahn once said, 'Being a bodhisattva means when people come, don't cut them off; when people go, don't cut them off.'"
"As the Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn once said, 'Understanding is the other name of love. If you don't understand, you can't love.'"
"Yet here's the simple truth: we are always creating society. Every time we interact with someone we are creating society. Also, the way we show up in our smaller societies has an impact on society overall."
April 11, 2017
A tiny, enjoyable and quick read about getting through all of life's various heartbreaks (not just of the grownup relationship kind). Rinzler swears a lot more than I expected from a Buddhist, but it's cute and all meant in good humor. A great pick-me-up when you're having a tough day and just need to refocus and get your head straight.
March 14, 2017
If you're going through a hard time and have Buddhist sensibilities (or even if you don't), this may be one of the most simultaneously difficult and necessary books you could read. The text is supportive but unflinching, and the advice genuinely practical.
(Useful for all kinds of heartbreak, not just romantic heartbreak as the title and cover seem to imply.)
(Useful for all kinds of heartbreak, not just romantic heartbreak as the title and cover seem to imply.)
August 20, 2017
I did enjoy this book, but in the end, I thought that most of the advice was common sense and I didn't come away with too much new understanding. It is very short, and if you can't handle reading a lot, each "chapter" (really just a few pages) is standalone- you can read and think about it. On the other hand, if you're looking for something really in-depth, this is not it.
November 21, 2017
If you need this book, I’m sorry. However, if you have to be heartbroken, this book is the best companion possible. Mr Rinzler holds your hand in the most comforting way. Short sections can be read whenever you need them. And, they can be read day or night- whenever you need a friendly companion. This book is a blessing. It helped.
January 7, 2018
First book of the year! I devoured it in less than 24 hours, it was that compelling, inspiring and helpful. After recent recurrent heartbreak, it's helped me to refocus and recommit to what I'm doing with my life and to start planning for more healing spiritual encounters like this one. What a great gift from the universe!
December 21, 2020
This was filled with tidbits that caused internal dialog and lots of careful consideration. Unlike any other book, the forward suggests not to read this from front to back but rather to pick a chapter and then another depending on what the reader needs. I really like the freedom this brought. I didn't feel rushed nor did the book feel heavy handed.
December 21, 2017
My favorite part of this book was the definition of heartbreak. I don't remember it exactly, but it's something like "heartbreak is when your expectations aren't met." Good reminder that letting go of expectations -- of other people, of life in general -- is the path to ending suffering.
February 6, 2018
Spot on observations about heartbreak and life. Lodro talks to many people about their heartbreak and in the process learns about his own and will guide the reader through theirs. A quick read and comforting buddhist perspective. Loved it.
May 30, 2018
This book came at a conveniant and necessary time. It helps with all kinds of heartbreak. I loved the non linear reading style it encourages. i read a little 'chapter' whenever i was particularly down. i think it helped.
January 4, 2017
Love is risk but we all crave human connection. This wonderful little book offers sincere and helpful guidance for navigating life's most essential component.
January 7, 2017
I am not a Buddhist but found quite a few pearls in this book. I highlighted notes to return to later...I need to sit with this a while.
May 8, 2017
[4.5 Stars]
This is a very big little book. I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you feel like you need it, read it.
This is a very big little book. I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you feel like you need it, read it.
July 27, 2018
This book made me laugh in parts when I expected it to be solemn. It was relatable to what I am going through. This author is good.
September 13, 2019
This book had some good insights, I just wish it went into more depth. The very short chapters are nice to read while commuting.
September 29, 2022
i loathe self help books: who the hell do you expect to help you if not yourself anyway? however it's 1 am, my heart is broken, and we all know bizzarre things may happen when we feel like this.
this bOoK is simply worthless. really, it is, and everyone that rated it five stars knows it. there is simply nothing brilliant nor poetic nor mind blowing in it.
“take care of yourself”, “don't eat a box of cookies, eat nourishing food”, “you will heal”... this kind of prose and tips.
beware: it's almost impossible to give advices on someone else's mental state, especially if we don't know that person at all, so in this case the author might be so nice to just remember the reader to breathe deeply, teasing their brain through the written word.
the author practices meditation but can't express himself in a higher way than a random stranger passing by.
the joke in the chapter “if you need to hear a joke” (running out of arguments? hopefully not) is honestly the most pointless and straight face one ever (and my type of humour is the dumbest stuff and people falling!).
beware also of the lack of buddhist material, except for a couple of stories.
i'm a big short readings fan, yet each chapter is SO short (maximum half page) and simple and shallow that it feels like reading... nothing.
it is a book for very, very undeveloped people (afraid of being alone with themselves, lazy, no thought nor wisdom behind their eyes, think that nothing good can come from the darkest momenrs, not able to cut out someone in their life, etc).
it wouldn't be surprising to know that this book was written in ten minutes while the author was loudly monching a sandwich on a laptop littered with cookie crumbles.
not everyone can be a storyteller, not everyone has a talent for writing. just because in this century you can do basically anything with just a pinch or no effort and no studying, it's not that you can or have to.
we are the weakest and laziest society ever existed, so no surprise that this crap got a lot of five stars.
EX. CH “If you think you will never love again”
«“Years ago when I was going through a breakup I called up my friend Brett. He’s a very wise man. I lamented that I loved this woman and that she had been callous with my heart. “Tell me,” I wailed at him, “tell me that I’ll love again. I’ll find a woman and fall madly for her and spend my life with her.”
“You’ll love again,” he said. “It may be one woman or it may be many over the course of your lifetime. But I know you’ll love again.”
That was the most generous thing he could have said.”»
this bOoK is simply worthless. really, it is, and everyone that rated it five stars knows it. there is simply nothing brilliant nor poetic nor mind blowing in it.
“take care of yourself”, “don't eat a box of cookies, eat nourishing food”, “you will heal”... this kind of prose and tips.
beware: it's almost impossible to give advices on someone else's mental state, especially if we don't know that person at all, so in this case the author might be so nice to just remember the reader to breathe deeply, teasing their brain through the written word.
the author practices meditation but can't express himself in a higher way than a random stranger passing by.
the joke in the chapter “if you need to hear a joke” (running out of arguments? hopefully not) is honestly the most pointless and straight face one ever (and my type of humour is the dumbest stuff and people falling!).
beware also of the lack of buddhist material, except for a couple of stories.
i'm a big short readings fan, yet each chapter is SO short (maximum half page) and simple and shallow that it feels like reading... nothing.
it is a book for very, very undeveloped people (afraid of being alone with themselves, lazy, no thought nor wisdom behind their eyes, think that nothing good can come from the darkest momenrs, not able to cut out someone in their life, etc).
it wouldn't be surprising to know that this book was written in ten minutes while the author was loudly monching a sandwich on a laptop littered with cookie crumbles.
not everyone can be a storyteller, not everyone has a talent for writing. just because in this century you can do basically anything with just a pinch or no effort and no studying, it's not that you can or have to.
we are the weakest and laziest society ever existed, so no surprise that this crap got a lot of five stars.
EX. CH “If you think you will never love again”
«“Years ago when I was going through a breakup I called up my friend Brett. He’s a very wise man. I lamented that I loved this woman and that she had been callous with my heart. “Tell me,” I wailed at him, “tell me that I’ll love again. I’ll find a woman and fall madly for her and spend my life with her.”
“You’ll love again,” he said. “It may be one woman or it may be many over the course of your lifetime. But I know you’ll love again.”
That was the most generous thing he could have said.”»
Displaying 1 - 30 of 100 reviews