Being Seen: Memoir of an Autistic Mother, Immigrant, And Zen Student

by Anlor Davin

Being Seen is a memoir about a woman with autism struggling not only to be seen, but to be understood and respected.
Anlor Davin grew up in a small town on the Western coast of France. From earliest childhood she was beset by overwhelming sensory chaos and had trouble navigating the social world. Only many years later did she learn that she was autistic. Throughout childhood, Anlor struggled to hold her world together and in many ways she became an accomplished young tennis player, competing even at the level of the French Open. However, in addition to her autism a dark history hung over her family—a history that she did not fully understand for years to come.

Without yet having a name for her world-shattering condition, Anlor headed to a new life in America. But she now had to contend with the raw basics of survival in a new culture, speaking a new language, and without support from her family. Through incredible effort, Anlor was able to parlay her knowledge of the French language into a job teaching in the notorious South Side neighborhood of Chicago, one of America's most violent. Anlor married, had a child, and even dreamed that she might be able to pass as a neurotypical person.


The grim toll of daily compensating for her autism and “pretending to be normal” proved too great a challenge and Anlor’s life imploded. She spiraled downward into a kind of hell, losing her marriage and her beloved son. Desperate, Anlor moved west to California, where she found a mysterious and ancient tradition of spiritual practice from the Far East—zen. Through this profound meditation and community she was able to slowly rebuild her life, this time with honest acceptance of the challenge she faced. The path took her through extreme emotional and physical duress but—at last—led to proper medical diagnosis and treatment of her autism. Today, Anlor works to help people understand her way of being, and the value of basic meditative practice in living and thriving with autism.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Nonfiction

200 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 29, 2016

Reviews

[Anne Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

Writing in her second language (French is her first), Anlor tells a captivating story of her childhood, coming of age, and her mid-life diagnosis of autism. She shows what it is like to experience sensory defensiveness, which in her case was devastating. She writes of social isolation and her ignorance of social expectations and of raising a son mostly on her own. What saves her is her Zen practice and a doctor who finally 'sees' her. I have raised a son with Asperger's and work with autistic children, and I learned even more about autism by reading this detailed, gripping story.

[Susanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being Seen is detailed Memoir about a young French woman, Anlor Davin, who emigrated to the US. Throughout her life, she experienced numerous social issues that affected her dearly. Unbeknownst to her, Anlor was Autistic, and was not diagnosed with it until she was in her early 50’s. Day upon day, and year upon year, she faced a myriad of trials and tribulations (suffered lost friendships, loss of employment and a severity of familial issues) yet she never gave in and never gave up. She is the epitome of a survivor and she thrived in the face of adversity.

Anlor Davin wrote the book in the first person and was extremely detailed about each and every event in her life leading up to her self-diagnosis of Autism and being ultimately diagnosed by her doctors. In reading her memoir, I often felt as though Ms. Davin was sitting across from me telling me her story. However, in providing such a detailed account of her life, Ms. Davin often switched from one topic to the next, one sentence after another, without providing smooth transitions when switching subjects, which was jarring at times and was therefore difficult to follow. Some of this, I attributed to English being her second language, details being her life and her need to “be seen.”

Overall, I was truly impressed by Ms. Davin’s resilience and look forward to seeing where life takes her.

Thank you to NetGalley, SilverXord and Anlor Davin for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Published: July 25, 2016;
Published on Goodreads, Amazon and NetGalley.

[Damien Black · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 Stars: An Immigrant Story

My search to follow people’s struggles is my need to understand my own, thus why my favorite genre is memoirs. "Being Seen: Memoir of an Autistic Mother, Immigrant, and Zen Student" by Anlor Davin is the ultimate story of a survivor of our “normalized” society that marginalizes those who are on a different spectrum.

A first-person memoir Anlor Davin details her early life in France before emigrating to the U.S. before being diagnosed with autism. The sensory struggles, fitting into the routine of school reminds of my daily observations of being an ESL teacher in China noticing that some of my students may be autistic of course this is speculation, but we have common sense enough to recognize a struggle. Anlor writes “what is sometimes understood as “slowness” in autistic children and adults may simply be a different way of processing." Being part of the “norm” in China is a prideful pursuit, a stubbornness in changing and addressing children’s learning process and physical sensitive as I learned from “Being Seen” comes from shamed and anyone with the power to bring change doesn’t want to step up... Back to the book, Anlor's adaptability and passion when she was young sometimes are hindered by the inability to socially function. The senses we take for granted are heightened for autistic children affecting their system which could have severe consequences for their health. Her family dynamic and which members of her family helped or couldn’t understand is written in fairness with little bitterness in her descriptions.

Once in awhile the book at times is unfocused but Anlor Davin finds her way back to telling her story, moving to Chicago, and her interactions made up for some of the not so smooth storytelling transitions. Overall "Being Seen: Memoir of an Autistic Mother, Immigrant, and Zen Student" makes for a compelling read.

[Aleksandra Layland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being Seen is a fascinating and eye-opening memoir by Anlor (Anne-Laure) Davin, a woman not formally diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder until she was forty-six years old. Born in 1964 and exhibiting hypersensitivity as a child, Davin struggled throughout her life with the results of what appeared to others as obsessive-compulsive behavior. Even though she was intelligent, fluent in two languages, and certified as a teacher, Davin struggled to work full time to support herself and a son. She didn’t understand why she was different from other people, and doctors misdiagnosed her symptoms. “I felt like a sick tree whose roots, where the real problem lay, were not seen,” she explains. Davin began the study of Zen Buddhism at thirty-five and describes it as life-changing.

In Being Seen, Davin looks back on her life in frank detail through the lens of autism. Her writing is straightforward and heartfelt. Several photographs are sprinkled throughout which help to make her real to the reader. I was amazed at Davin’s strength and persistence as she lost one friend, one job, and one living space after another. It opened my eyes and heart to how I look at others whose behavior I might not yet understand, and I was grateful for those who helped her along the way. Parents of hypersensitive children would benefit from her comments on her own childhood; and whether you think you’ll ever know someone with autism, this book will both educate you and touch your heart. A moving read. Highly recommended.

[J.D. DeHart · Rating 5 out of 5]

What initially interested me in Being Seen by Anlor Davin was the topic of autism. Davin has a very natural voice and is somewhat instructive, while being entertaining at the same time. Having been an educator for nearly a decade, and having enjoyed the work of Temple Grandin (which this work references), I was curious to see how autism wove in as part of this story.

I appreciated the organized and thoughtful nature of this book. Autism is described here vividly and with passion, narratively and grippingly. Davin describes her own experiences and childhood openly, and includes images which serve to add an even greater element here. There are details shared here that paint this author and her family for the reader. As an educator, I was especially interested in the school experiences described in the book.

By the end of this book, we realize that we are encountering a wonderfully-told story of overcoming obstacles, and there is a “full circle” feel by the end. Being Seen is a story that includes triumph.

I recommend this book as a powerful memoir, and (recognizing I have referenced being a teacher a few times throughout this review) I would encourage anyone to read this book, whether they work in education or not. This book is the gift of someone’s story, and a glimpse of someone’s life, complete with descriptions of what has shaped the author and explorations of the relationships she has formed.