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Calm and Chaos #1
Acting Out
Can a kiss really change everything?
Having made a very successful film together, friends and actors, Nick and Alex have to decide whether to take on another joint venture or go their separate ways creatively. Then the perfect manuscript arrives, offering financial security and the opportunity to one day run their own production company.
The film is Nick’s dream, incorporating amazing effects, a wonderful script, a character every actor aspires to play with the director everyone’s begging to work with. There’s one snag: Nick and Alex will have to get rather personal on set.
Nick has to refuse but much to his surprise, Alex isn’t willing to take no for an answer. Nick eventually agrees, despite a nosy reporter and his brother turning against him. After all, it’s just pretence. It’s not as if he’s gay and wants to make out with his friend...not until Alex kisses him. Then it really gets interesting.
Having made a very successful film together, friends and actors, Nick and Alex have to decide whether to take on another joint venture or go their separate ways creatively. Then the perfect manuscript arrives, offering financial security and the opportunity to one day run their own production company.
The film is Nick’s dream, incorporating amazing effects, a wonderful script, a character every actor aspires to play with the director everyone’s begging to work with. There’s one snag: Nick and Alex will have to get rather personal on set.
Nick has to refuse but much to his surprise, Alex isn’t willing to take no for an answer. Nick eventually agrees, despite a nosy reporter and his brother turning against him. After all, it’s just pretence. It’s not as if he’s gay and wants to make out with his friend...not until Alex kisses him. Then it really gets interesting.
210 pages, Paperback
First published June 7, 2012
2 people are currently reading
124 people want to read
About the author
Sharon Maria Bidwell
46 books54 followersDuring Sharon’s writing career she’s lived in a house with a Harry Potter cupboard under the stairs, shared a publisher with the creator of Roger Rabbit, and has taken a trip to Jupiter. Only one of these has been in her imagination.
The first short story she submitted — Silver Apples of the Moon — was accepted by Roadworks Magazine. The editor announced her as “a writer who is going places” and described the story as having “both a Sci-fi and horror element,” and being “strong on characterisation, and quite literary, in terms of style.” Subsequently, she was approached to write all reports and publicity material, including a piece for translation into Braille for The Really Wild Nursery and Arthritis Care Breaking Down the Barriers garden project, which took place at the Malvern Spring Show.
Since then, her work has appeared steadily in both print and electronic publications, such as Midnight Street, Aoife’s Kiss (Sam’s Dot Publishing), Night To Dawn, and Radgepacket (Byker Books). Her short story — Bitter and Intoxicating — was snapped up for inclusion in the anthology Red Velvet and Absinthe. This compilation, edited by Mitzi Szereto with a foreword by Kelly Armstrong, was designed to evoke the romantic ethos of classic Gothic fiction with a serving of eroticism. With a repertoire of twisted tales and a love of cross-genre writing, it surprised everyone (including herself) when she branched out into erotic romance. These works have been critically acclaimed and often described as ‘deeply passionate’.
Sharon’s worlds are vivid, unexpected and sometimes intensely magical. Sharon writes whatever her warped mind can come up with and is quite capable of writing something darker, grittier, and even outright twisted. Though her love for all things Myth and Legend has led her to write under more than one name, from 2019 she's using S.M.Bidwell for her Dark Fiction.
She was propelled into the Steampunk universe of Space, 1899 and beyond, winning approval of series creator and award-winning game designer, Frank Chadwick, with three books, one of which was co-authored with editor (and writer) Andy Frankham-Allen, and subsequently led to her writing for the Lethbridge-Stewart series, and a short audio story for Doctor Who, performed by Katy Manning.
She's also on Goodreads under the name Sharon Bidwell.
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
July 13, 2012
While I liked the premise and thought the story was reasonably well paced, I didn't connect with the MCs. This book combines several of my 'squee' buttons - acting, celebrities, gay for you, coming out, family drama, angst - I found myself bored and had to force myself to continue.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
dnf
June 20, 2012Finished chapter 2 and can't take it anymore. All this back and forth about the movie and all the inner musings are getting totally on my nerves. 40 pages and nothing happened.
July 7, 2012
I'm a bit torn on the rating here for this book. It was technically well written, but I just could not connect with either of the MC's.
Basic premise? Alex and Nick are both actors and good friends. They have been close for 14 years. They are now looking at making a movie together that is homoerotic, complete with a kiss and sex scene. It opens up feelings for both men, with particular emphasis on Nick. The book unfurls from the offer to star in the movie through to after the movie is completed.
The best way I can describe how I view this book is akin to figure skating, where there are two scores - one technical, one artistic. Technically, this book would score higher but overall I can only give it 3 stars.
On the "technical" front this book is excellent. Sharon Maria Bidwell is a strong writer, it is a nicely put together book, absolutely hands down well written. There must be a connection somewhere to filming a movie and the difficulties of wanting to act but not liking the celebrity that goes with it; I thought that was well done, and interesting. Alex and Nick were not unlikeable, and there was a real feel when Nick went to talk to his family about starring in what, bascially, is going to be a gay movie. His grandmother was nothing if not practical and entertaining during this process, his father supportive, his mother unsure, his sister lovely, and his brother a prick; pretty well written family dynamic.
However, on the "artistic" front, I did not feel things were so strong. I could not feel or relate to the characters, other than Shelley, Nick's sister. Shelley was a good secondary character and Ms Bidwell did a good job with her as a warm, 3 dimensional character. Unfortunately, it did not extend to Alex and Nick, they just lacked that same depth and warmth, that extra layer of development, for me. Alana, their agent, was not terribly warm and fuzzy either. I have to be honest, I'm not so good on inner dialogue without strong character to character dialogue, and that was a big part of what I disliked about Acting Out. Plus, Alex was bi, knew he was, fancied Nick but was casual about the sex they did eventually have, leaving Nick confused, more than he usually appeared. Nick had immense problems taking his inner thoughts and letting Alex know how he felt, he lacked the ability to communicate at a very basic level, which frustrated me no end. Both characters frustrated me.
What niggled at me - These guys were both middle-of-the-road actors and they appeared in films together. If they were Fred Astare and Ginger Rogers I could get that, but for these two men it just kept bothering me, why not do movies separately? Why did they have to do movies together? It especially bothered me in the first part of the book where Nick was having great turmoil about doing a movie currently on offer; that was by an up and coming director, paying really well, and could be good for their careers. There was so much inner chaos going on within Nick I just wanted to say - "Alex, just sign up yourself and if Nick doesn't, so be it."
I couldn't get into the erotic connection between the two, when sex invariably had a long inner monologue attached during, such as -
'Friendship with Alex was better than not having Alex in his life at all, but so much remained a mystery to him. Did he like men or just Alex? If he liked men, why hadn't he come to terms with his feelings before now? At least realised? Why hadn't he looked at other men? Nick couldn't find the answers to all those questions now, not in one night or even a few, and not while Alex had his hands on him.'
and this is only part of the inner monologue Nick had going on during this sexual encounter. If someone has their "hands on" someone else it should be followed by "more, oh god, yes, yes, yes." Perhaps I'm being simplistic but you know what I mean
So, basically this book will depend very much on what you're looking for. If you like a book with a movie backdrop, characters that are more reserved and are now at a soul searching period in their lives, a coming out gay read, friends to lovers, something technically well written (not some poorly put together piece of fluff) then Acting Out could very well suit.
Basic premise? Alex and Nick are both actors and good friends. They have been close for 14 years. They are now looking at making a movie together that is homoerotic, complete with a kiss and sex scene. It opens up feelings for both men, with particular emphasis on Nick. The book unfurls from the offer to star in the movie through to after the movie is completed.
The best way I can describe how I view this book is akin to figure skating, where there are two scores - one technical, one artistic. Technically, this book would score higher but overall I can only give it 3 stars.
On the "technical" front this book is excellent. Sharon Maria Bidwell is a strong writer, it is a nicely put together book, absolutely hands down well written. There must be a connection somewhere to filming a movie and the difficulties of wanting to act but not liking the celebrity that goes with it; I thought that was well done, and interesting. Alex and Nick were not unlikeable, and there was a real feel when Nick went to talk to his family about starring in what, bascially, is going to be a gay movie. His grandmother was nothing if not practical and entertaining during this process, his father supportive, his mother unsure, his sister lovely, and his brother a prick; pretty well written family dynamic.
However, on the "artistic" front, I did not feel things were so strong. I could not feel or relate to the characters, other than Shelley, Nick's sister. Shelley was a good secondary character and Ms Bidwell did a good job with her as a warm, 3 dimensional character. Unfortunately, it did not extend to Alex and Nick, they just lacked that same depth and warmth, that extra layer of development, for me. Alana, their agent, was not terribly warm and fuzzy either. I have to be honest, I'm not so good on inner dialogue without strong character to character dialogue, and that was a big part of what I disliked about Acting Out. Plus, Alex was bi, knew he was, fancied Nick but was casual about the sex they did eventually have, leaving Nick confused, more than he usually appeared. Nick had immense problems taking his inner thoughts and letting Alex know how he felt, he lacked the ability to communicate at a very basic level, which frustrated me no end. Both characters frustrated me.
What niggled at me - These guys were both middle-of-the-road actors and they appeared in films together. If they were Fred Astare and Ginger Rogers I could get that, but for these two men it just kept bothering me, why not do movies separately? Why did they have to do movies together? It especially bothered me in the first part of the book where Nick was having great turmoil about doing a movie currently on offer; that was by an up and coming director, paying really well, and could be good for their careers. There was so much inner chaos going on within Nick I just wanted to say - "Alex, just sign up yourself and if Nick doesn't, so be it."
I couldn't get into the erotic connection between the two, when sex invariably had a long inner monologue attached during, such as -
'Friendship with Alex was better than not having Alex in his life at all, but so much remained a mystery to him. Did he like men or just Alex? If he liked men, why hadn't he come to terms with his feelings before now? At least realised? Why hadn't he looked at other men? Nick couldn't find the answers to all those questions now, not in one night or even a few, and not while Alex had his hands on him.'
and this is only part of the inner monologue Nick had going on during this sexual encounter. If someone has their "hands on" someone else it should be followed by "more, oh god, yes, yes, yes." Perhaps I'm being simplistic but you know what I mean
So, basically this book will depend very much on what you're looking for. If you like a book with a movie backdrop, characters that are more reserved and are now at a soul searching period in their lives, a coming out gay read, friends to lovers, something technically well written (not some poorly put together piece of fluff) then Acting Out could very well suit.
July 6, 2016
1.5 Rounded up because it was well edited and there was a plot that was woven through. I've been trying to find a way to explain this book and I've come up lacking. The writing is...remote? Stoic? Impersonal? Stiff? I just don't know! I do know that I couldn't connect with either MC. I couldn't figure out why they would bother being together. I couldn't imagine either of being relaxed enough or will to get messy enough to actually have sex. Being in Nick's head was enough to make me want to bang my own head against the wall to the extent that I have no idea how he managed to function, and Alex was such a pompous ass in his inner thoughts that he should have wanted to smack himself. The miscommunication/lack of communication between people that are supposed to have been friends for 14 years is unforgivable. I loved the idea of the story which is why I bought the book. I enjoyed the setting and certain aspects individually but all bunched together had me very nearly DNFing.
Perhaps it's just me but I need to feel something from the characters in something that is a romance. Even porn, I need to buy that they want each other, if for no other reason that for the release. The only thing I felt was cold and annoyed.
Perhaps it's just me but I need to feel something from the characters in something that is a romance. Even porn, I need to buy that they want each other, if for no other reason that for the release. The only thing I felt was cold and annoyed.
January 24, 2015
4.5, only the ending kept it down for me - it felt rushed after the longer, more tension filled segments before. I won this book from the author on the Musa Publishing anniversary blog tour. I hadn't read any of her books before but will certainly gives some others a go now.
Nick and Alex, both actors, have known each other a long time and worked together well. Alex, bisexual veering towards gay, and Nick, vehemently straight (or does he protest too much?), have the chance to make their breakthrough movie together - but it does involve them being together on screen, something Alex is more sure about and leads to much soul searching on Nicks part - really as their personal and professional lives and conflicts run in parallel. This first third of the story really drags you into Nick's turmoil - is he gay or not?
The middle portion of the book covers from their first kiss to making love (Nick)/ having sex (Alex). Both these parts of the story were strongly written, didn't drag and evoked lots of empathy for the turmoil Nick faced.
I found it interesting that the balance of power then changed. Whilst still innocent in terms of experience, Nick in the surety of his feelings put world weary Alex on the defensive. I came away thinking that Alex was bit of a player, not sure of his real feelings - was he fighting them or is he really a bastard?
I thought the final third of the book was slightly weaker part. I kept waiting for the Drake shoe to drop - when would the nasty paprazzi show his colours, so whilst I enjoyed his comeuppance, I did feel cheated of his scoop. The end felt a bit rushed and too quick and neat - if I was Nick I'd've made Alex suffer more (but maybe thats the female mindset vs the male) or maybe because we didn't see as much of Alex's soul searching, it just seemed a quick about face.
I thoroughly enjoyed the book, would recomend to those who like a HEA with some angst and soul searching and no harsh realities. This has been my longest review, which probably says how much I liked it.
Nick and Alex, both actors, have known each other a long time and worked together well. Alex, bisexual veering towards gay, and Nick, vehemently straight (or does he protest too much?), have the chance to make their breakthrough movie together - but it does involve them being together on screen, something Alex is more sure about and leads to much soul searching on Nicks part - really as their personal and professional lives and conflicts run in parallel. This first third of the story really drags you into Nick's turmoil - is he gay or not?
The middle portion of the book covers from their first kiss to making love (Nick)/ having sex (Alex). Both these parts of the story were strongly written, didn't drag and evoked lots of empathy for the turmoil Nick faced.
I found it interesting that the balance of power then changed. Whilst still innocent in terms of experience, Nick in the surety of his feelings put world weary Alex on the defensive. I came away thinking that Alex was bit of a player, not sure of his real feelings - was he fighting them or is he really a bastard?
I thought the final third of the book was slightly weaker part. I kept waiting for the Drake shoe to drop - when would the nasty paprazzi show his colours, so whilst I enjoyed his comeuppance, I did feel cheated of his scoop. The end felt a bit rushed and too quick and neat - if I was Nick I'd've made Alex suffer more (but maybe thats the female mindset vs the male) or maybe because we didn't see as much of Alex's soul searching, it just seemed a quick about face.
I thoroughly enjoyed the book, would recomend to those who like a HEA with some angst and soul searching and no harsh realities. This has been my longest review, which probably says how much I liked it.
March 19, 2013
I'm on a kick reading stories about actors and coming out right now. I am a big fan of this author and I tend to read any of her books the suit my reading tastes. The author is a lovely storyteller and she manages to incorporate elements of traits in her characters and setting in her world building, to make it distinct and exciting.
Alex and Nick have known each other for fourteen years and are best friends. Both men are actors and are slowly making a name for themselves. Alex more so on a solo way - as most people love them as a unit. When a script come across for them from a up-and-coming director whose managed a great portfolio, Alex knows this will make him and Nick a household name. However, the film is a gay-themed fantasy and Alex knows that Nick is heavily closeted and will have a hard time persuading his friend.
This is a great story about character development, the story pushes into the scared psyche of Nick. Nick has been afraid all his life, the way he looks has always made him centre to ridicule - and Nick doesn't want to be stuck with labels any more. Alex pushes Nick and allows him to break out of the mould and not be afraid of who he is.
I loved the characters, but I found too much inner-musing to get a bit a tedious at times. I needed more dialogue to break the characters thought-patterns. I understood Nick's fear but I also found at times he became too whiny and sometimes the writing veered a little too preaching. Alex was an interesting character whilst he was comfortable being bisexual, he was uncomfortable with emotional attachment.
Nick really came into himself in the latter half of the story, which was when I felt the story actually progressed and was much better written.
I'm looking forward to the sequel whenever that is released. This is a good book with detailed emotion and very character-driven but the setting of the film world was wonderfully done.
Alex and Nick have known each other for fourteen years and are best friends. Both men are actors and are slowly making a name for themselves. Alex more so on a solo way - as most people love them as a unit. When a script come across for them from a up-and-coming director whose managed a great portfolio, Alex knows this will make him and Nick a household name. However, the film is a gay-themed fantasy and Alex knows that Nick is heavily closeted and will have a hard time persuading his friend.
This is a great story about character development, the story pushes into the scared psyche of Nick. Nick has been afraid all his life, the way he looks has always made him centre to ridicule - and Nick doesn't want to be stuck with labels any more. Alex pushes Nick and allows him to break out of the mould and not be afraid of who he is.
I loved the characters, but I found too much inner-musing to get a bit a tedious at times. I needed more dialogue to break the characters thought-patterns. I understood Nick's fear but I also found at times he became too whiny and sometimes the writing veered a little too preaching. Alex was an interesting character whilst he was comfortable being bisexual, he was uncomfortable with emotional attachment.
Nick really came into himself in the latter half of the story, which was when I felt the story actually progressed and was much better written.
I'm looking forward to the sequel whenever that is released. This is a good book with detailed emotion and very character-driven but the setting of the film world was wonderfully done.
June 21, 2012
3.5, rounded up.
I love closeted characters and books set in the acting world, so Acting Out should have pushed all my hot buttons, but unfortunately something was just a little off in the plot for me so I couldn’t rate it higher.
Nick and Alex are moderately successful British actors who have been friends forever. When they are offered a part in an upcoming movie together, Alex wants to take it; however, Nick is extremely hesitant. Why? It requires them to play lovers and hits too close to all those repressed homoerotic undertones Nick has felt for Alex over the years. But Alex and their agent talk him into and it and when the fantasy turns into reality and Alex and Nick cross the lines from friends to lovers, what will happen?
First, what I liked about the book: Alex and Nick’s relationship. It was beautifully detailed and I understood exactly why Nick fell in love with his best friend. The sex? Hotter than hot once Nick gave into his feelings. And lastly, as with any good ‘Hollywood” story, the coming out for these two men was memorable.
What didn’t work for me? After perusing Nick for ages (Alex is bisexual), when he finally gets Nick into bed, Alex acts like it was nothing and they are just having sex for sex’s sake, which pretty much contradicted Alex’s POV and feelings previously in the story. I didn’t understand the change, as it wasn’t explained. Second, Nick’s constant back and forth about being gay. I understand that angst seems to be a part of the process in a GFY story, but Nick’s torment went on too long.
However, despite these niggles I did enjoyActing Out, mostly because I found Alex and Nick’s relationship so utterly charming and I would buy the next book in this series. So, recommended with minor stipulations as discussed.
Dark Divas Reviews
I love closeted characters and books set in the acting world, so Acting Out should have pushed all my hot buttons, but unfortunately something was just a little off in the plot for me so I couldn’t rate it higher.
Nick and Alex are moderately successful British actors who have been friends forever. When they are offered a part in an upcoming movie together, Alex wants to take it; however, Nick is extremely hesitant. Why? It requires them to play lovers and hits too close to all those repressed homoerotic undertones Nick has felt for Alex over the years. But Alex and their agent talk him into and it and when the fantasy turns into reality and Alex and Nick cross the lines from friends to lovers, what will happen?
First, what I liked about the book: Alex and Nick’s relationship. It was beautifully detailed and I understood exactly why Nick fell in love with his best friend. The sex? Hotter than hot once Nick gave into his feelings. And lastly, as with any good ‘Hollywood” story, the coming out for these two men was memorable.
What didn’t work for me? After perusing Nick for ages (Alex is bisexual), when he finally gets Nick into bed, Alex acts like it was nothing and they are just having sex for sex’s sake, which pretty much contradicted Alex’s POV and feelings previously in the story. I didn’t understand the change, as it wasn’t explained. Second, Nick’s constant back and forth about being gay. I understand that angst seems to be a part of the process in a GFY story, but Nick’s torment went on too long.
However, despite these niggles I did enjoyActing Out, mostly because I found Alex and Nick’s relationship so utterly charming and I would buy the next book in this series. So, recommended with minor stipulations as discussed.
Dark Divas Reviews
January 30, 2014
A Joyfully Jay review.
3 stars
Short review? A stultifying, well written story that follows two friends’ journey through endless self examination of their sexuality and their roles in their friendship to a final acceptance of their homosexuality and love. That’s the cliff notes review, the succinct version of what is to follow.
Everything about this book should have made me feel so much stronger about the plot and characters than I actually do. The plot is a terrific one…in theory. It’s really one man’s introspective journey to self awareness and acceptance of his sexuality through the course of a film role and with help with his best friend/love interest. It should be painful, dramatic, and finally fulfilling, yet this story is none of those things. Instead it feels drawn out, verbose, of only middling tension, with characters that never rise to the reality and drama of the roles they are filming.
Read Melanie's review in its entirety here.
3 stars
Short review? A stultifying, well written story that follows two friends’ journey through endless self examination of their sexuality and their roles in their friendship to a final acceptance of their homosexuality and love. That’s the cliff notes review, the succinct version of what is to follow.
Everything about this book should have made me feel so much stronger about the plot and characters than I actually do. The plot is a terrific one…in theory. It’s really one man’s introspective journey to self awareness and acceptance of his sexuality through the course of a film role and with help with his best friend/love interest. It should be painful, dramatic, and finally fulfilling, yet this story is none of those things. Instead it feels drawn out, verbose, of only middling tension, with characters that never rise to the reality and drama of the roles they are filming.
Read Melanie's review in its entirety here.
August 3, 2012
The start felt like I just walked into the middle of something. It's kinda sudden. (Or perhaps I was still too into the last book I just read, we'll have a check about that if I ever read this book the second time)
I don't feel like I know the characters very well. I think long and hard of whys, and I think I might have found it; Nick and Alex talked alike. I couldn't say who talked what without some cues, like the speaker's name or the context or the talking sequences. The dialogues were pretty "stiff" as well, making it read impersonal to me, so it's rather difficult to really get into the story. Although the conversation was supposed to be tense, I felt like they were discussing weather or a news report.
Gave up at about 50%, I might come back for the rest later...
I don't feel like I know the characters very well. I think long and hard of whys, and I think I might have found it; Nick and Alex talked alike. I couldn't say who talked what without some cues, like the speaker's name or the context or the talking sequences. The dialogues were pretty "stiff" as well, making it read impersonal to me, so it's rather difficult to really get into the story. Although the conversation was supposed to be tense, I felt like they were discussing weather or a news report.
Gave up at about 50%, I might come back for the rest later...
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 28, 2012
4,25 stars... It's a really good story. I love men with insecurities. And I definitely love angst in books. But sometimes I wanted to slap one or the other main characters. It was like: "I love him. I want to be with him." And 2 pages later "I don't know if I love him." A then 5 pages later: "I love him for so long. Years maybe." It was really frustrating for me but I like the whole journey.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 3, 2013
The story told in this book is not a new one. You have two men who have been friends for what seems like forever. They pretty much grew up together and have spent most of their adult lives working together.
See the entire review at The Novel Approach: http://thenovelapproachreviews.com/20...
See the entire review at The Novel Approach: http://thenovelapproachreviews.com/20...
June 21, 2012
3.5 stars
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews