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Emotional Agility
Every day we speak around 16,000 words - but inside our minds we create tens of thousands more. Thoughts such as 'I'm not spending enough time with my children' or 'I'm not good enough to present my work' can seem to be unshakable facts. In reality, they're the judgemental opinions of our inner voice.
Drawing on more than twenty years of academic research, consulting, and her own experiences overcoming adversity, Susan David PhD, a psychologist and faculty member at Harvard Medical School, has pioneered a new way to enable us to make peace with our inner self, achieve our most valued goals, make real change, and live life to the fullest.
Susan David has found that emotionally agile people experience the same stresses and setbacks as anyone else. The difference is the emotionally agile know how to unhook themselves from unhelpful patterns, and how to create values-based success with better habits and behaviours.
Emotional Agility describes a new way of living and relating to yourself and the world around you. Become aware of your true nature, learn to face your emotions with acceptance and generosity, act according to your deepest values, and flourish.
'An accessible, reader-friendly voyage. Emotional Agility can be helpful to anyone.' - Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence
Susan David has a PhD in psychology and a post-doctorate in emotions research from Yale. She is a psychologist at the Harvard Medical School and a founder and director at the Harvard/McLean-affiliated Institute of Coaching. Susan is the CEO of Evidence Based Psychology, whose worldwide client list includes Ernst and Young Global, the UN Development Program, JP Morgan Chase and GlaxoSmithKline. She has edited a number of books including the Oxford Handbook of Happiness and her research has featured in theHarvard Business Review, TIME and the Wall Street Journal. Born in South Africa, Susan now lives in Boston with her family.
Drawing on more than twenty years of academic research, consulting, and her own experiences overcoming adversity, Susan David PhD, a psychologist and faculty member at Harvard Medical School, has pioneered a new way to enable us to make peace with our inner self, achieve our most valued goals, make real change, and live life to the fullest.
Susan David has found that emotionally agile people experience the same stresses and setbacks as anyone else. The difference is the emotionally agile know how to unhook themselves from unhelpful patterns, and how to create values-based success with better habits and behaviours.
Emotional Agility describes a new way of living and relating to yourself and the world around you. Become aware of your true nature, learn to face your emotions with acceptance and generosity, act according to your deepest values, and flourish.
'An accessible, reader-friendly voyage. Emotional Agility can be helpful to anyone.' - Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence
Susan David has a PhD in psychology and a post-doctorate in emotions research from Yale. She is a psychologist at the Harvard Medical School and a founder and director at the Harvard/McLean-affiliated Institute of Coaching. Susan is the CEO of Evidence Based Psychology, whose worldwide client list includes Ernst and Young Global, the UN Development Program, JP Morgan Chase and GlaxoSmithKline. She has edited a number of books including the Oxford Handbook of Happiness and her research has featured in theHarvard Business Review, TIME and the Wall Street Journal. Born in South Africa, Susan now lives in Boston with her family.
288 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 2016
4585 people are currently reading
34567 people want to read
About the author
Susan David
4 books440 followersSusan David, Ph.D., is a Psychologist on the faculty of Harvard Medical School; co-founder and co-director of the Institute of Coaching at McLean Hospital; and CEO of Evidence Based Psychology, a boutique business consultancy. An in-demand speaker and advisor, David has worked with the senior leadership of hundreds of major organizations, including the United Nations, Ernst & Young, and the World Economic Forum. Her work has been featured in numerous publications, including Harvard Business Review, Time, Fast Company, and The Wall Street Journal. David is on the core faculty of the extraordinary global program Homeward Bound which culminates in an all-women expedition to Antarctica and is being filmed as a documentary. The program aims at increasing the influence and impact of women in the sciences. Originally from South Africa, David lives outside of Boston with her family.
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April 27, 2019
Read Susan Davids article “Emotional Agility” on Harward Business Review first and then maybe the book. You can find the the article here:
https://hbr.org/2013/11/emotional-agi...
The article above was Susan’s foundation for the book. In the article, the ideas of the book are delivered more concise. By reading the article first, I think you will have a frame for the book, or know if you want to read the book at all.
The primary idea in the book is that we get hugged on our thoughts and emotions, and that this spills into actions and other self-concepts which is detrimental to us, and the people around us. According to Susan D. we need to acknowledge our thoughts and emotions, label and accept them, and ensure that they are aligned with our values.
This resonates with me. However, the book is mostly unsuccessful and vague in delivering prescriptions as how to apply these ideas in practice. Instead Susan D. elaborate on the evidence for the argument put forward in the article spiced supporting stories. “The evidence” in this case is based on experimental psychology. If you have read the usual books in this genre you will recognize most or even all of the experiments.
While I believe that the leaps Susan David is making from “the evidence” to the idea is fundamentally correct, she is covering huge ground with nothing but correlational data. Likewise, it seems clear that she is going from “the idea” to a search for experimental data which supports it, and she never really ties the ends well together. “Emotional Agility” was heralded by Harvard Business Review as the most groundbreaking idea of the Year. This is odd; except the phrase “Emotional Agility”, the idea really is not new. It is a repackaging of core ideas from existential and humanistic psychology brushed up with more recent positive psychology. Anyone who is acquainted with these ideas should find nothing new.
However, I think that combining and repackaging these ideas to make them more actionable is a good idea. Unfortunately, she never really succeeds, and I am left with the sense that she could had done a better job – and I hope she will make another try.
Books in the same vein;
Though the subject matter is slightly different, the book has several similarities with Kelly McGonical’s “The Upside of Stress”.
Obviously the subject matter has strong ties to “Emotional intelligence”, and “Social intelligence” as described by Daniel Goleman - though Golemans writing style is different.
https://hbr.org/2013/11/emotional-agi...
The article above was Susan’s foundation for the book. In the article, the ideas of the book are delivered more concise. By reading the article first, I think you will have a frame for the book, or know if you want to read the book at all.
The primary idea in the book is that we get hugged on our thoughts and emotions, and that this spills into actions and other self-concepts which is detrimental to us, and the people around us. According to Susan D. we need to acknowledge our thoughts and emotions, label and accept them, and ensure that they are aligned with our values.
This resonates with me. However, the book is mostly unsuccessful and vague in delivering prescriptions as how to apply these ideas in practice. Instead Susan D. elaborate on the evidence for the argument put forward in the article spiced supporting stories. “The evidence” in this case is based on experimental psychology. If you have read the usual books in this genre you will recognize most or even all of the experiments.
While I believe that the leaps Susan David is making from “the evidence” to the idea is fundamentally correct, she is covering huge ground with nothing but correlational data. Likewise, it seems clear that she is going from “the idea” to a search for experimental data which supports it, and she never really ties the ends well together. “Emotional Agility” was heralded by Harvard Business Review as the most groundbreaking idea of the Year. This is odd; except the phrase “Emotional Agility”, the idea really is not new. It is a repackaging of core ideas from existential and humanistic psychology brushed up with more recent positive psychology. Anyone who is acquainted with these ideas should find nothing new.
However, I think that combining and repackaging these ideas to make them more actionable is a good idea. Unfortunately, she never really succeeds, and I am left with the sense that she could had done a better job – and I hope she will make another try.
Books in the same vein;
Though the subject matter is slightly different, the book has several similarities with Kelly McGonical’s “The Upside of Stress”.
Obviously the subject matter has strong ties to “Emotional intelligence”, and “Social intelligence” as described by Daniel Goleman - though Golemans writing style is different.
July 13, 2023
Takeaways from reading the book:
What emotions do we have?
- Location 550: We have 7 basic emotions. They are divided in 2 groups: Positive emotions and negative emotions. Joy and surprise are positive emotions. Sadness, fear, contempt, disgust, and surprise are negative emotions. Notice that surprise can be a positive and a negative emotion.
- Location 2200: Fear sometimes appears in disguise, for example when we postpone things, when we seek perfection, when we have low confidence and/or when we make excuses. Fear speaks only one word: No. Examples: No, I will just fail. No, I don't know anyone there. No, that shirt will look awful on me. No, I would rather wait. No, I prefer to avoid that.
How do we accept emotions we feel?
- Location 550: Approach new experiences with the beginner's mind.
- Locations 450 and 900: Stop fighting what is. Accept it. Acceptance means giving permission for the world to be as it is. Only when you stop trying to control the universe can you make peace with it.
- Location 900: To accept yourself in periods of strong change such as loss of job, loss of income, relationship breakup and/or depression, look back at the child you once were. Accept where you come from, accept how you grew up, accept your personality. Show yourself warmth, kindness, and forgiveness.
- Location 1000: Avoid comparing yourself to others. Instead, keep your eyes on your own work. Become who you are. People, who spend the least amount of time comparing themselves to others in terms of looks, intelligence or money also report the least amount of self-blaming, guilt and regret. When you compare yourself to others, you get hooked on external validation.
- Location 1100: Give yourself permission to experience emotions you feel. Example: If you feel sad or feel joy, allow yourself to feel sad or feel joy. Learn about the reasons why you feel sad or feel joy. Express it: "I feel sad because ..." or "I feel joy because." A baby does not know which words to use to express emotions. Adults do.
How do we express emotions?
- Location 50: When you see / hear / feel signs of danger or hints of romance, i.e. cues that you are being rejected or accepted by other people, your heart will beat slower or faster, and your muscles will tighten or relax.
- Location 1100: Sometimes, when people cannot express negative emotions such as sadness, fear or shame using words, the only emotion that comes through may be anger.
What questions can we ask to help people express emotions they feel?
- Location 700: How do you feel? We tend to ask girls this question. On the contrary, we are more likely to ask boys about tasks. Example: What did you do today? We need to start also asking boys how they feel.
- Location 1350: Question 1: Ask each person in a group to write on a sticky note the biggest fear they have about themselves. Example: "I am afraid of being in big groups." Question 2: Put on some music. Ask people to put the sticky note on their chest and to go introduce themselves to others. Example: "Hi, I'm afraid of being in big groups." The exercise helps people to create more space to be themselves and tame their fears.
- Location 1500: Identifying and acting on values that are truly your own is an important step in achieving emotional agility.
- Location 2450: If you were going to die this evening, what would you most regret not having said?
- Location 3000: When parents let children know that they do not judge them, they signal that they accept their emotions. Thereby, parents also help children to calm down and feel neither fear, shame nor guilt. Instead of trying to fix things quickly, parents are better off simply pausing and listening. When a child feels fully seen and acknowledged by those around him, he / she will feel loved and secure. When a child feels loved and secure - and not rejected, punished or shamed for feeling what he / she feels - he / she will feel free to live with any emotions. For example, when a child feels shame, he / she will feel free to live with that emotion, understand where it comes from and why it is there.
- Location 3000 - 3200: To encourage autonomy / freedom in a child, try these 2 things:
# 1: Honour the child for who he / she is, for example someone who loves to sing. Avoid honouring the child for who you wish him or her to be, for example a sergent in the military.
# 2: Do a brainstorm with the child. When you support a child in finding solutions on his / her own, the child will develop autonomy.
- Location 3100: To help a child understand the value of telling the truth, it helps that a parent explains WHY he / she wants the child to do something, when he / she asks the child to do something.
- Location 3150: If a child has difficulty making friends, you can ask, "Where are good places to start connecting with people?"
What are advantages of expressing emotions you feel?
- Location 700: In a study of how real people's smiles on photos are, researchers found that the people, whose smiles were real, had more satisfying marriages, greater feelings of well-being and were more content.
- Location 700: Positive emotions help us to 1) make better decisions, 2) direct our attention to new opportunities and 3) reduce the risk of getting ill.
- Location 1100: People, who can identify the full spectrum of emotions, do much better at handling ups and downs in life.
- Location 1150: People, who write about emotionally charged episodes in their lives, experience an increase in their physical and mental well-being.
- Location 1200: Naming emotions you feel is a helpful way to deal with stress, anxiety, and loss.
- Location 3100: When kids are guided towards learning and trusting their values, they discover their purpose / whys.
What disadvantages are there of putting too much focus on positive feelings?
- Location 750: When we are in an "everything is awesome" mood, we are far more likely to jump to conclusions. Happy people often place disproportionate emphasis on early information and disregard later details.
- Location 750: Placing too much value on happiness increases people's expectations for how things should be and thereby set people up for disappointment. A study also shows that the more people have happiness as a goal, the more they describe themselves as lonely.
How can we avoid letting emotions guide decision-making?
- Location 1400: Example: You are in doubt of whether to continue living in city A or moving to live in city B. To avoid letting emotions guide decision-making, ask yourself in the third person. "What is better for (your name)?"
- Location 2700: When you are feeling stress, say "I notice I am feeling stress" instead of "I am stressed." Thereby, you create a space between yourself and the feeling you feel at that moment.
How do emotions of others influence our emotions?
Location 400: Research among nurse teams shows that one nurse's mood - on any given day - was significantly predicted by the mood of the other nurses on the team. Other research shows that just seeing a person, who is stressed, can increase the observer's own stress.
What emotions do we have?
- Location 550: We have 7 basic emotions. They are divided in 2 groups: Positive emotions and negative emotions. Joy and surprise are positive emotions. Sadness, fear, contempt, disgust, and surprise are negative emotions. Notice that surprise can be a positive and a negative emotion.
- Location 2200: Fear sometimes appears in disguise, for example when we postpone things, when we seek perfection, when we have low confidence and/or when we make excuses. Fear speaks only one word: No. Examples: No, I will just fail. No, I don't know anyone there. No, that shirt will look awful on me. No, I would rather wait. No, I prefer to avoid that.
How do we accept emotions we feel?
- Location 550: Approach new experiences with the beginner's mind.
- Locations 450 and 900: Stop fighting what is. Accept it. Acceptance means giving permission for the world to be as it is. Only when you stop trying to control the universe can you make peace with it.
- Location 900: To accept yourself in periods of strong change such as loss of job, loss of income, relationship breakup and/or depression, look back at the child you once were. Accept where you come from, accept how you grew up, accept your personality. Show yourself warmth, kindness, and forgiveness.
- Location 1000: Avoid comparing yourself to others. Instead, keep your eyes on your own work. Become who you are. People, who spend the least amount of time comparing themselves to others in terms of looks, intelligence or money also report the least amount of self-blaming, guilt and regret. When you compare yourself to others, you get hooked on external validation.
- Location 1100: Give yourself permission to experience emotions you feel. Example: If you feel sad or feel joy, allow yourself to feel sad or feel joy. Learn about the reasons why you feel sad or feel joy. Express it: "I feel sad because ..." or "I feel joy because." A baby does not know which words to use to express emotions. Adults do.
How do we express emotions?
- Location 50: When you see / hear / feel signs of danger or hints of romance, i.e. cues that you are being rejected or accepted by other people, your heart will beat slower or faster, and your muscles will tighten or relax.
- Location 1100: Sometimes, when people cannot express negative emotions such as sadness, fear or shame using words, the only emotion that comes through may be anger.
What questions can we ask to help people express emotions they feel?
- Location 700: How do you feel? We tend to ask girls this question. On the contrary, we are more likely to ask boys about tasks. Example: What did you do today? We need to start also asking boys how they feel.
- Location 1350: Question 1: Ask each person in a group to write on a sticky note the biggest fear they have about themselves. Example: "I am afraid of being in big groups." Question 2: Put on some music. Ask people to put the sticky note on their chest and to go introduce themselves to others. Example: "Hi, I'm afraid of being in big groups." The exercise helps people to create more space to be themselves and tame their fears.
- Location 1500: Identifying and acting on values that are truly your own is an important step in achieving emotional agility.
- Location 2450: If you were going to die this evening, what would you most regret not having said?
- Location 3000: When parents let children know that they do not judge them, they signal that they accept their emotions. Thereby, parents also help children to calm down and feel neither fear, shame nor guilt. Instead of trying to fix things quickly, parents are better off simply pausing and listening. When a child feels fully seen and acknowledged by those around him, he / she will feel loved and secure. When a child feels loved and secure - and not rejected, punished or shamed for feeling what he / she feels - he / she will feel free to live with any emotions. For example, when a child feels shame, he / she will feel free to live with that emotion, understand where it comes from and why it is there.
- Location 3000 - 3200: To encourage autonomy / freedom in a child, try these 2 things:
# 1: Honour the child for who he / she is, for example someone who loves to sing. Avoid honouring the child for who you wish him or her to be, for example a sergent in the military.
# 2: Do a brainstorm with the child. When you support a child in finding solutions on his / her own, the child will develop autonomy.
- Location 3100: To help a child understand the value of telling the truth, it helps that a parent explains WHY he / she wants the child to do something, when he / she asks the child to do something.
- Location 3150: If a child has difficulty making friends, you can ask, "Where are good places to start connecting with people?"
What are advantages of expressing emotions you feel?
- Location 700: In a study of how real people's smiles on photos are, researchers found that the people, whose smiles were real, had more satisfying marriages, greater feelings of well-being and were more content.
- Location 700: Positive emotions help us to 1) make better decisions, 2) direct our attention to new opportunities and 3) reduce the risk of getting ill.
- Location 1100: People, who can identify the full spectrum of emotions, do much better at handling ups and downs in life.
- Location 1150: People, who write about emotionally charged episodes in their lives, experience an increase in their physical and mental well-being.
- Location 1200: Naming emotions you feel is a helpful way to deal with stress, anxiety, and loss.
- Location 3100: When kids are guided towards learning and trusting their values, they discover their purpose / whys.
What disadvantages are there of putting too much focus on positive feelings?
- Location 750: When we are in an "everything is awesome" mood, we are far more likely to jump to conclusions. Happy people often place disproportionate emphasis on early information and disregard later details.
- Location 750: Placing too much value on happiness increases people's expectations for how things should be and thereby set people up for disappointment. A study also shows that the more people have happiness as a goal, the more they describe themselves as lonely.
How can we avoid letting emotions guide decision-making?
- Location 1400: Example: You are in doubt of whether to continue living in city A or moving to live in city B. To avoid letting emotions guide decision-making, ask yourself in the third person. "What is better for (your name)?"
- Location 2700: When you are feeling stress, say "I notice I am feeling stress" instead of "I am stressed." Thereby, you create a space between yourself and the feeling you feel at that moment.
How do emotions of others influence our emotions?
Location 400: Research among nurse teams shows that one nurse's mood - on any given day - was significantly predicted by the mood of the other nurses on the team. Other research shows that just seeing a person, who is stressed, can increase the observer's own stress.
February 7, 2017
I'll admit that I had to read this book twice before I was able to understand the practical application of it's information. The book has a wealth of scientific study to support the claims that are made. It is good that the author choose to do this even as I am one who does like to be provided proof or evidence to support statements that are claimed to be effectual.
In this book the supporting studies did tend to cloud or make unclear how to practically apply the methods discussed in real time real life situations. I had to dig past the studies attempting to keep the practical methods to be used to become more emotional agile in the forefront. Once I got through the studies or case evidence I outlined the intended way the author suggested that the book be used to help become more emotionally agile.
I really didn't receive anything that I didn't already know. But what I did receive was a way in which to make the information of the book applicable to my individual behavior. I recommend that persons interested in emotional responses and how to better deal with them do take the time to read if not at least survey this book. It has already proven to be helpful to me in real situations in a short matter of time.
In this book the supporting studies did tend to cloud or make unclear how to practically apply the methods discussed in real time real life situations. I had to dig past the studies attempting to keep the practical methods to be used to become more emotional agile in the forefront. Once I got through the studies or case evidence I outlined the intended way the author suggested that the book be used to help become more emotionally agile.
I really didn't receive anything that I didn't already know. But what I did receive was a way in which to make the information of the book applicable to my individual behavior. I recommend that persons interested in emotional responses and how to better deal with them do take the time to read if not at least survey this book. It has already proven to be helpful to me in real situations in a short matter of time.
February 12, 2018
Oops I did it again.
I read a pseudo-psych book
That coins a new term
to describe the same 10 probably not replicable social science studies
that ends my telling you to practice mindfulness
but you read it to the end anyway
because you're a sucker for self help books.
I read a pseudo-psych book
That coins a new term
to describe the same 10 probably not replicable social science studies
that ends my telling you to practice mindfulness
but you read it to the end anyway
because you're a sucker for self help books.
April 6, 2019
Like so many well-regarded self-help books, this one is a small kernel of valuable content, wrapped in a lot of fluff. It's worth reading for that kernel, but I wish the economics of the publishing industry could do more to incentivize shorter books. This one in particular, being about emotions, has a lot of wishy-washy, high-level, non-actionable advice that you have to skim over to get to the good stuff.
Some of the key insights for me:
* There is a moment between when you feel something and when you react to it. Merely being aware of this moment is powerful. You can start noticing that moment. You can pry it open and stretch it out a bit. You can dig in and start to understand what you're feeling rather than reacting blindly.
* One way people react to emotions is to "bottle" them: that is, you try to ignore those feelings, push them down, and move forward. The problem is that those feelings come back, and often with a vengeance. Another common reaction is to "brood": that is, you obsess over the feelings, go over them again and again, and dwell on them to the point of anger or despair. Brooding can even be a team sport, where you vent to others, sometimes to the point of fatiguing your listener, overwhelming them with complaints and your self-centeredness. Neither of these reactions is effective.
* The better approach is to allow yourself to feel those emotions, to be open to them, and to show yourself compassion. Imagine a small, upset child reacting to something they perceive as traumatic. How would you react to them? You probably wouldn't tell them to "suck it up" or berate them for feeling this way; instead, you'd go up to them, give them a hug, and show them compassion. Well, you should do the same for adults—including yourself.
* One of the key things that makes this possible is the following realization: your thoughts and emotions are not facts. Just because a thought pops into your head like "I'm lazy and dumb" doesn't mean it's true. Just because you're feeling fear doesn't mean there's something you need to be afraid of. A thought is just a thought. An emotion is just an emotion. You can let them happen. You can hear them and listen to them without accepting them as truth.
* This is the idea behind "stepping out": that is, you learn to let your thoughts and feelings happen and merely observe them. You work through your feelings, listen to them fully, and then make a decision on what to do based on your values, rather than the way those emotions make you feel. To get a sense of stepping out, say the same word over and over again. After 30 seconds or so, the word loses all meaning, and you start noticing its shape and sound—you've stepped out.
* Some tools for dealing with emotions and stepping out:
- Write. 20 minutes a day, a few days a week, pop open a journal and just start writing. Don't judge. Don't worry about grammar. Don't show it to anyone else (in fact, a few days later, feel free to throw the old entries away). The mere act of writing (or even talking into a voice recorder) can be an incredibly effective way to work through thoughts and emotions.
- Meditate. Simple exercise to start: sit in a quiet place and focus solely on your breath. The goal is to have no thoughts of any kind and only be aware of your breath. Of course, thoughts will inevitably come in and out, which is OK. When you notice this has happened, refocus on your breath. There's no winning or losing here, no pressure—the whole point is to focus on your breath and be aware of what's happening, including those thoughts.
- Try to explicitly identify the emotions you're feeling and give each one a name. This will teach you to better understand what you're feeling, and giving things names gives you some measure of power over them.
- Try to think about yourself in the third person. An example from when Lebron James was making "the decision" of whether he should stay in Cleveland or move to Miami: "I did not want to make an emotional decision. I wanted to do what is best for Lebron James." Note that initially, he used the first person ("I did not want to make") and then, as a way to to avoid being controlled by emotions, he switches to 3rd person ("do what is best for Lebron James"). This can be an effective way to step out.
As always, I saved a few good quotes from the book:
“Emotions are data, they are not directives”
“Life is full of diving boards and other precipices, but, as we’ve seen throughout this discussion of emotional agility, making the leap is not about ignoring, fixing, fighting, or controlling fear—or anything else you might be experiencing. Rather, it’s about accepting and noticing all your emotions and thoughts, viewing even the most powerful of them with compassion and curiosity, and then choosing courage over comfort in order to do whatever you’ve determined is most important to you. Courage, once again, is not the absence of fear. Courage is fear walking.”
Some of the key insights for me:
* There is a moment between when you feel something and when you react to it. Merely being aware of this moment is powerful. You can start noticing that moment. You can pry it open and stretch it out a bit. You can dig in and start to understand what you're feeling rather than reacting blindly.
* One way people react to emotions is to "bottle" them: that is, you try to ignore those feelings, push them down, and move forward. The problem is that those feelings come back, and often with a vengeance. Another common reaction is to "brood": that is, you obsess over the feelings, go over them again and again, and dwell on them to the point of anger or despair. Brooding can even be a team sport, where you vent to others, sometimes to the point of fatiguing your listener, overwhelming them with complaints and your self-centeredness. Neither of these reactions is effective.
* The better approach is to allow yourself to feel those emotions, to be open to them, and to show yourself compassion. Imagine a small, upset child reacting to something they perceive as traumatic. How would you react to them? You probably wouldn't tell them to "suck it up" or berate them for feeling this way; instead, you'd go up to them, give them a hug, and show them compassion. Well, you should do the same for adults—including yourself.
* One of the key things that makes this possible is the following realization: your thoughts and emotions are not facts. Just because a thought pops into your head like "I'm lazy and dumb" doesn't mean it's true. Just because you're feeling fear doesn't mean there's something you need to be afraid of. A thought is just a thought. An emotion is just an emotion. You can let them happen. You can hear them and listen to them without accepting them as truth.
* This is the idea behind "stepping out": that is, you learn to let your thoughts and feelings happen and merely observe them. You work through your feelings, listen to them fully, and then make a decision on what to do based on your values, rather than the way those emotions make you feel. To get a sense of stepping out, say the same word over and over again. After 30 seconds or so, the word loses all meaning, and you start noticing its shape and sound—you've stepped out.
* Some tools for dealing with emotions and stepping out:
- Write. 20 minutes a day, a few days a week, pop open a journal and just start writing. Don't judge. Don't worry about grammar. Don't show it to anyone else (in fact, a few days later, feel free to throw the old entries away). The mere act of writing (or even talking into a voice recorder) can be an incredibly effective way to work through thoughts and emotions.
- Meditate. Simple exercise to start: sit in a quiet place and focus solely on your breath. The goal is to have no thoughts of any kind and only be aware of your breath. Of course, thoughts will inevitably come in and out, which is OK. When you notice this has happened, refocus on your breath. There's no winning or losing here, no pressure—the whole point is to focus on your breath and be aware of what's happening, including those thoughts.
- Try to explicitly identify the emotions you're feeling and give each one a name. This will teach you to better understand what you're feeling, and giving things names gives you some measure of power over them.
- Try to think about yourself in the third person. An example from when Lebron James was making "the decision" of whether he should stay in Cleveland or move to Miami: "I did not want to make an emotional decision. I wanted to do what is best for Lebron James." Note that initially, he used the first person ("I did not want to make") and then, as a way to to avoid being controlled by emotions, he switches to 3rd person ("do what is best for Lebron James"). This can be an effective way to step out.
As always, I saved a few good quotes from the book:
“Emotions are data, they are not directives”
“Life is full of diving boards and other precipices, but, as we’ve seen throughout this discussion of emotional agility, making the leap is not about ignoring, fixing, fighting, or controlling fear—or anything else you might be experiencing. Rather, it’s about accepting and noticing all your emotions and thoughts, viewing even the most powerful of them with compassion and curiosity, and then choosing courage over comfort in order to do whatever you’ve determined is most important to you. Courage, once again, is not the absence of fear. Courage is fear walking.”
March 13, 2018
I was expecting a little more from this book given its hype. As others have said, you don't really learn anything new from the book, nor does it offer up much help in applying it to your life. The author just tries to hastily offer up some tired suggestions at the conclusion to make up for the aforementioned flaws. Sure, some of the anecdotal evidence is interesting, but it's not organized in a way that really hammers home any of the principles. Having read many self-help books of this nature, I'd recommend Grit over this one if you're short on time.
March 24, 2018
This was just okay for me. It felt too long and I didn't care for the delivery. There were some nuggets of gold, but they were buried so deep in rhetoric and drama....I wasn't sure this was working for me. I listened to the audio and that is where I went wrong. I should have read the pages. The audio is what was annoying me and it colored my feelings of this.
April 28, 2021
https://nobaproject.com/modules/the-r... -probably a more valuable read than this book
This is a corporate feel-good self-help book. More or less designed to take somewhere between $10 and $19 from you, waste several hours of your life, and leave you with a fleeting feeling of comfort or improved ability to handle the “big scary world.” Secondary effects may include additional marketing for the authors private practice or consulting career, a feeling of superiority as you recommend this book to others having a “difficult time,” and the imperceptibly slight curving of the earth as you add yet another worthless book to the jumbled bottom shelf your bookshelf.
This book has the added bonus of being based upon a HBR viral article. Which I’m starting to see as short hand for “empty platitudes to avoid.” If you’ve already realized this, congrats to you, let me know if there any counterexamples.
The authors big point is that people “sometimes get stuck doing things that aren’t the best for them.” This is a “radical” stance in similar sense to Nike or Disney tweeting out #WereAllInThisTogether is radical. Sometimes we “feel feelings” and the best way to deal with this is to feel them. Thanks, my depression and trauma is cured.
If you’ve never read a self-help book in your life, this isn’t a terrible one. The author writes clearly and speaks confidently about things that we really haven’t confirmed as “truths.” (see the link at the beginning of my review). And I did notice a slight pep in my step for the afternoon after I finished this book. But this book is generally pretty useless if you’re looking to delve any sort of deeper truth about the human experience. I’d be willing to bet all my dogecoin that this was written to further her relatively unimpressive consulting practice.
This is a corporate feel-good self-help book. More or less designed to take somewhere between $10 and $19 from you, waste several hours of your life, and leave you with a fleeting feeling of comfort or improved ability to handle the “big scary world.” Secondary effects may include additional marketing for the authors private practice or consulting career, a feeling of superiority as you recommend this book to others having a “difficult time,” and the imperceptibly slight curving of the earth as you add yet another worthless book to the jumbled bottom shelf your bookshelf.
This book has the added bonus of being based upon a HBR viral article. Which I’m starting to see as short hand for “empty platitudes to avoid.” If you’ve already realized this, congrats to you, let me know if there any counterexamples.
The authors big point is that people “sometimes get stuck doing things that aren’t the best for them.” This is a “radical” stance in similar sense to Nike or Disney tweeting out #WereAllInThisTogether is radical. Sometimes we “feel feelings” and the best way to deal with this is to feel them. Thanks, my depression and trauma is cured.
If you’ve never read a self-help book in your life, this isn’t a terrible one. The author writes clearly and speaks confidently about things that we really haven’t confirmed as “truths.” (see the link at the beginning of my review). And I did notice a slight pep in my step for the afternoon after I finished this book. But this book is generally pretty useless if you’re looking to delve any sort of deeper truth about the human experience. I’d be willing to bet all my dogecoin that this was written to further her relatively unimpressive consulting practice.
May 24, 2024
اگر به دنبال رشد واقعی در رفتار، محیط کاری و تربیت فرزندانتان هستید، این کتاب برای شما نوشته شده است!
تیر 1402 بود. میخواستم کسب و کار شخصی خودم رو شروع کنم اما به جاش رفتم و به کارمندی مشغول شدم. شبی نبود که دعوا با مدیرعامل رو توی سرم نداشته باشم. برای خودم چندین دیالوگ و موقعیت تصور میکردم و اصلا نمیفهمیدم دارم چه چیزایی رو از دست میدم. تا اینکه با کتاب سوزان دیوید آشنا شدم.
عناوین درج شده در فهرستش برام خیلی جذاب بود. "قلاب"، "رهایی از قلاب"،"حضور بی پروا"، "اصل الاکلنگ" به نظرم جدید بودند و همین باعث شد که متوجه بشم این کتاب از دسته کتابای زرد توسعه فردی که دارند توی یه لیگ دیگه بازی میکنند نیست.
در بخش قلاب ها، یکی از قلاب هایی که مطرح کرده بود ذهن میمونی بود. احتمالا شما هم دیدین که میمون ها یک جا بند نیستند و از این درخت به اون درخت میپرن. بعضی اوقات ذهن ما آدم ها هم مثل میمون، از درخت یک مو ضوع میپره به درخت یک موضوع دیگه و همین میشه که میبینیم ساعت ها داریم یه سری صحبت خیالی با مدیرعامل، والدین یا فرزندمون میکنیم. کاری که من در همون اوایل شرایط کاریم انجام میدادم.
داستان به شناخت این قلاب ها ختم نمیشه. سوزان دیوید هرجا مشکلی رو مطرح کرده یه راه حل ساده هم چاشنی کتاب کرده تا طعم توسعه فردی مثل یه غذای اصیل و خوشمزه باشه و نه مثل یه فست فود فقط وسوسه کننده. مثلا برای این قلاب ذهن میمون گفته، وقتی داری نشخوار فکری میکنی به خودت بیا و ببین کجا هستی. آیا توی خونه نشستی و داری تلویزیون میبینی؟ اگه آره پس این مکالمه و دعوات با مدیرعامل خیالیه و تو داری برنامه موردعلاقه ت رو از دست میدی. یه جورایی صریح تر بخوام بگم میگه که مچ خودت رو بگیر.
یه فرمول کلی هم گفته برای اینکه ببینیم چه زمان هایی به قلاب افتادیم:
ضربه هیجانی+ترکیب افکار جورواجور+وراج درونی= به قلاب افتادن
در بخش های بعدی، با عناوین آشنا مواجه میشیم. برای مثال بخشی تحت عنوان پیش رفتن: قانون تغییرات کوچک.
اگر کتاب عادت های اتمی رو خونده باشید، احتمالا این بخش میتونه براتون یه یادآوری از اون کتاب و راهکارهاش در ایجاد عادات متناسب با ارزش هاتون باشه.
سوزان دیوید اما کتاب رو فقط به بررسی یک سری مشکل کلی در حالت ها و وضعیت های کلی محدود نمیکنه. دو بخش " چابکی در محل کار" و " تربیت فرزندان چابک به لحاظ هیجانی" خیلی خلاصه و مفید به اهمیت داشتن چابکی هیجانی به عنوان یک کارمند و یا یک پدر و مادر می پردازه که میتونه سرنخ های خوبی بهتون بده که کجای ماجرا هستید.
راستی من این کتاب رو با عنوان "چابکی در مدیریت هیجانات" به ترجمه حمیدرضا هدایتی و انتشارات آریانا قلم خوندم. این کتاب حتی شکل چاپش هم شما رو جذب خودش میکنه.
امیدوارم از خوندنش لذت ببرید.
تیر 1402 بود. میخواستم کسب و کار شخصی خودم رو شروع کنم اما به جاش رفتم و به کارمندی مشغول شدم. شبی نبود که دعوا با مدیرعامل رو توی سرم نداشته باشم. برای خودم چندین دیالوگ و موقعیت تصور میکردم و اصلا نمیفهمیدم دارم چه چیزایی رو از دست میدم. تا اینکه با کتاب سوزان دیوید آشنا شدم.
عناوین درج شده در فهرستش برام خیلی جذاب بود. "قلاب"، "رهایی از قلاب"،"حضور بی پروا"، "اصل الاکلنگ" به نظرم جدید بودند و همین باعث شد که متوجه بشم این کتاب از دسته کتابای زرد توسعه فردی که دارند توی یه لیگ دیگه بازی میکنند نیست.
در بخش قلاب ها، یکی از قلاب هایی که مطرح کرده بود ذهن میمونی بود. احتمالا شما هم دیدین که میمون ها یک جا بند نیستند و از این درخت به اون درخت میپرن. بعضی اوقات ذهن ما آدم ها هم مثل میمون، از درخت یک مو ضوع میپره به درخت یک موضوع دیگه و همین میشه که میبینیم ساعت ها داریم یه سری صحبت خیالی با مدیرعامل، والدین یا فرزندمون میکنیم. کاری که من در همون اوایل شرایط کاریم انجام میدادم.
داستان به شناخت این قلاب ها ختم نمیشه. سوزان دیوید هرجا مشکلی رو مطرح کرده یه راه حل ساده هم چاشنی کتاب کرده تا طعم توسعه فردی مثل یه غذای اصیل و خوشمزه باشه و نه مثل یه فست فود فقط وسوسه کننده. مثلا برای این قلاب ذهن میمون گفته، وقتی داری نشخوار فکری میکنی به خودت بیا و ببین کجا هستی. آیا توی خونه نشستی و داری تلویزیون میبینی؟ اگه آره پس این مکالمه و دعوات با مدیرعامل خیالیه و تو داری برنامه موردعلاقه ت رو از دست میدی. یه جورایی صریح تر بخوام بگم میگه که مچ خودت رو بگیر.
یه فرمول کلی هم گفته برای اینکه ببینیم چه زمان هایی به قلاب افتادیم:
ضربه هیجانی+ترکیب افکار جورواجور+وراج درونی= به قلاب افتادن
در بخش های بعدی، با عناوین آشنا مواجه میشیم. برای مثال بخشی تحت عنوان پیش رفتن: قانون تغییرات کوچک.
اگر کتاب عادت های اتمی رو خونده باشید، احتمالا این بخش میتونه براتون یه یادآوری از اون کتاب و راهکارهاش در ایجاد عادات متناسب با ارزش هاتون باشه.
سوزان دیوید اما کتاب رو فقط به بررسی یک سری مشکل کلی در حالت ها و وضعیت های کلی محدود نمیکنه. دو بخش " چابکی در محل کار" و " تربیت فرزندان چابک به لحاظ هیجانی" خیلی خلاصه و مفید به اهمیت داشتن چابکی هیجانی به عنوان یک کارمند و یا یک پدر و مادر می پردازه که میتونه سرنخ های خوبی بهتون بده که کجای ماجرا هستید.
راستی من این کتاب رو با عنوان "چابکی در مدیریت هیجانات" به ترجمه حمیدرضا هدایتی و انتشارات آریانا قلم خوندم. این کتاب حتی شکل چاپش هم شما رو جذب خودش میکنه.
امیدوارم از خوندنش لذت ببرید.
July 25, 2022
Being able to regulate your emotions is a crucial skill to have.
Susan David writes about how our emotions and thoughts cannot control us. We can choose to learn why we feel the way we feel and we can choose how we act when our emotions arise.
Life is incredible difficult and nobody has it easy. My favorite line in the book is by far “when we say, I don’t want to fail, I don’t want to embarrass myself, I don’t want to get hurt, we’re expressing what I call dead people’s goals. That’s because the only people who never feel discomfort for having made fools of themselves are, you guessed it, dead.”-Susan David, emotional agility
This book will help you to realize emotions don’t have to control you. Which in my case was really necessary 🤣
A great read
Susan David writes about how our emotions and thoughts cannot control us. We can choose to learn why we feel the way we feel and we can choose how we act when our emotions arise.
Life is incredible difficult and nobody has it easy. My favorite line in the book is by far “when we say, I don’t want to fail, I don’t want to embarrass myself, I don’t want to get hurt, we’re expressing what I call dead people’s goals. That’s because the only people who never feel discomfort for having made fools of themselves are, you guessed it, dead.”-Susan David, emotional agility
This book will help you to realize emotions don’t have to control you. Which in my case was really necessary 🤣
A great read
May 21, 2019
In addition to offering scant details as to how a person should be becoming more emotionally agile, the author also does not do her due diligence to check her lens/bias and makes ignorant, at times offensive, statements that reveal an unchecked, privileged world view.
June 23, 2022
This book had a profound impact on my day-to-day life. When I notice myself getting frustrated, I am reminded of this book. Specifically the passage in which the author describes how people can die in fires: due to their panic, people see the way they came in as the only way out, even if there is another way. According to Dr. David, this is a type of "tape" we play in our heads. These "tapes" usually serve us well (the way to get out of a place is the same way we came in), but can cause tragedies if we play them in situations that don't call for them. Emotional Agility is all about identifying our tapes and making sure we pick (or create!) the right ones. Written in a style that is practical and easy to follow, Dr. David's book is perfect for anyone looking to better their lives.
February 9, 2018
I shall remember to dance while I can!
I really liked this book. The author uses anecdotes from so many different walks of the life that you are bound to connect to some of them, and she being a psychologist, walks you through the situation, explaining possible course of actions, teaching how the thought and the thinker are distinct from each other. The organisation of the content matter is well thought out, it gradually introduces how one can handle emotions and be agile, all the while acknowledging the emotions and understanding why you are feeling them, without a need to actually carry out any action to run away from emotion.
I really liked this book. The author uses anecdotes from so many different walks of the life that you are bound to connect to some of them, and she being a psychologist, walks you through the situation, explaining possible course of actions, teaching how the thought and the thinker are distinct from each other. The organisation of the content matter is well thought out, it gradually introduces how one can handle emotions and be agile, all the while acknowledging the emotions and understanding why you are feeling them, without a need to actually carry out any action to run away from emotion.
November 14, 2024
در مج��وع کتاب خوبی بود. یک فریمورک نسبیای معرفی کرد که خیلی چیز خاصی بیشتر از این صحبتهای خودآگاهی و فاصله انداختن بین محرکها و تصمیمگیری و اینجور صحبتا نداشت به نظرم، ولی خب با مثالهاش و مطالعات و چیزایی که مثال میزد یه مقداری عمق میداد بهشون.
مطالبش و صحبتهاش شبیه چند جلسه تراپی خیلی جنرال بود، با نخوندن کتاب به نظرم آدم ایدهی خاصی رو از دست نمیده، ولی خب خوندنش جالبه و انگار یکی داره باهات نسبتا علمی صحبت میکنه و فاز کتاب خودیاری نداره.
مطالبش و صحبتهاش شبیه چند جلسه تراپی خیلی جنرال بود، با نخوندن کتاب به نظرم آدم ایدهی خاصی رو از دست نمیده، ولی خب خوندنش جالبه و انگار یکی داره باهات نسبتا علمی صحبت میکنه و فاز کتاب خودیاری نداره.
July 3, 2025
The best self help type book I have ever read.
June 24, 2017
This absolutely blew me away. It's about how we can best navigate life's ups and downs. Emotionally agile people are able to adapt to whatever life throws at them and stay true to their values, as well as grow stronger and healthier.
It's a wonderful blend of story, research, and practical advice. David really gets into our motivations and the habits that trip us up and how small changes can change everything. Some of the concepts were empowering, others confirmed what I've already been doing. If you like Brene Brown or you know your Enneagram type, this book is completely up your alley. Even if you aren't into Brene or the Enneagram, you should still read this book. It's truly helpful and clarifying.
Highly recommended.
It's a wonderful blend of story, research, and practical advice. David really gets into our motivations and the habits that trip us up and how small changes can change everything. Some of the concepts were empowering, others confirmed what I've already been doing. If you like Brene Brown or you know your Enneagram type, this book is completely up your alley. Even if you aren't into Brene or the Enneagram, you should still read this book. It's truly helpful and clarifying.
Highly recommended.
November 4, 2022
Emotional Agility is an engaging audio book that is perfect to help you address changes in your life. I have followed Susan David on Instagram for awhile now and have always appreciated her insights. So, when I saw the audio version of the book available, I was happy to tune in and learn a bit in the process. David has a four step approach to help you deal with life's ups and downs and I found them to be very practical. Her little anecdotes and examples helped further illustrate the book's meaning as well as its practical application. She highlights how emotions and thoughts play a major role in our life and addresses how not to get "hooked." I really liked that aspect of the novel. She even covers emotional agility in children and how to foster it. While some of the examples seemed a lot (when it came to dealing with children), I appreciated her perspective and it did give me a lot to think about.
Read the rest of my review here: http://www.confessionsofabookaddict.c...
Read the rest of my review here: http://www.confessionsofabookaddict.c...
January 16, 2019
Tikėjausi daugiau. Siūlomi patarimai yra labai paprasti, kai juos reikia pasakyti, ir ne visai tokie paprasti, kai juos reikia padaryti (pvz., pripažink savo jausmus - labai verta, tik nelengva, jei ilgą laiką galvojai, kad kokio nors jausmo tiesiog nejauti, nes negali jo jausti), ir būtent dėl to, kad ne tiek jau daug kalbama apie tai, kodėl tų patarimų nepavyksta taip lengvai įgyvendinti, mano priekaištai ir kyla. Nes vis noriu ir tikiuosi, kad tokių savišvietos/savipagalbos knygų autoriai kalbėtų ir apie priežastis - ne pora sakinių, ne apie esamą situaciją, bet apie visą kelią, kurį žmogus iki tos situacijos nuėjo, ir kokį jam gali tekti pareiti atgal.
August 4, 2016
I can't say enough good about Emotional Agility. It is sad to realize that in this day of plenty so many people suffer from depression and anxiety. Emotional Agility is full of wisdom for these woes. Susan David walks us through ways to dance your way through troubles. Don't think it's another of those dry textbook self-help books, though; David shares lots of wonderful stories that make her ideas more real and more clear.
May 31, 2016
I don’t usually read non-fiction and self-help books because I tend to find them dry, boring and too factual. This is a very different type of non-fiction book. It is very interesting, relatable to your every-day life and very engaging. Susan David uses a very human and down-to-earth approach and she uses very sympathetic and relatable situations you can learn from and examples to make you reflect about your own behaviour.
Emotional agility comprises many aspects of life and behaviour and Susan David breaks it down in very simple and easy to understand areas. Each chapter deals with a different aspect of emotional agility and it contains examples of her study and experience to demonstrate how to change your perception and behaviour in order to deal with the situation and become more mentally agile. You will find yourself thinking about your personal behaviour and how you would react to the situations that Dr David relates. You will follow the steps towards mental agility: ‘Show up’ (be aware of the emotions), ‘Step Out’ (approach them with courage) and ‘Walk Your Why’ (understand what your personal values and aims are and act accordingly). You will become aware of techniques to understand and appreciate emotion and deal with it to live a fulfilled and efficient life.
I received a free copy of this book from Mumsnet and this is my personal and unbiased opinion.
Emotional agility comprises many aspects of life and behaviour and Susan David breaks it down in very simple and easy to understand areas. Each chapter deals with a different aspect of emotional agility and it contains examples of her study and experience to demonstrate how to change your perception and behaviour in order to deal with the situation and become more mentally agile. You will find yourself thinking about your personal behaviour and how you would react to the situations that Dr David relates. You will follow the steps towards mental agility: ‘Show up’ (be aware of the emotions), ‘Step Out’ (approach them with courage) and ‘Walk Your Why’ (understand what your personal values and aims are and act accordingly). You will become aware of techniques to understand and appreciate emotion and deal with it to live a fulfilled and efficient life.
I received a free copy of this book from Mumsnet and this is my personal and unbiased opinion.
August 4, 2021
Disclaimer that I’m totally biased in my review— for someone else, there’s lots of solid information here and it could easily be a 5. So take my 3 with a grain of salt.
My rating is more based on whether there were new aha moments for me based on all the reading and exposure I’ve already had on this subject, and I suppose my standard for this might be higher than most folks for whom this is their first encounter with this topic. And if that’s you, I most DEFINITELY do recommend this as a read.
There’s so many spill over subjects covered that might seem like it’s covering a lot of unrelated things (parenting, work, relationships, career choice, etc) but if anything this book does a great job at showing how emotional agility is at the root of each one of them, and what an investment cultivating this skill actually is into one’s overall well-being.
My rating is more based on whether there were new aha moments for me based on all the reading and exposure I’ve already had on this subject, and I suppose my standard for this might be higher than most folks for whom this is their first encounter with this topic. And if that’s you, I most DEFINITELY do recommend this as a read.
There’s so many spill over subjects covered that might seem like it’s covering a lot of unrelated things (parenting, work, relationships, career choice, etc) but if anything this book does a great job at showing how emotional agility is at the root of each one of them, and what an investment cultivating this skill actually is into one’s overall well-being.
August 13, 2021
Parts I liked about reading this book: it was fun as she talked about different aspects of emotional agility to check in and see which parts I’m doing well and which parts I can work on. Really like when she used exercises/examples to help practice what she was speaking about. Parts I didn’t like: each chapter was so different that it was hard to bring it all together. Also that I was forced to read for this for school as opposed to choosing to read it lol. My biggest takeaways from reading will be making more time to journal again, trying to break the connection that some emotions are negative, and working to make small positive changes when I am in situations I do not like.
November 19, 2016
IMHO, this book gets so much right, and it really rings true. For people who do not read self-help books, it is not written like a typical self-help and I think you could tolerate it much better. Great insights that are thought-provoking. Recommended.
October 18, 2021
If this book sounds like something you need to read, you should. It focusses on un-sticking yourself from your patterns (of thinking, reacting or behaving). Would not recommend for information, but it's more of an accessible log of good advice from a friend that is mostly hard to disagree with.
February 2, 2018
" By knowing who you are and what you stand for, you come to life's choices with the most powerful tool of all: your full self. Dance if you can."
February 14, 2021
* Emocinis lankstumas - tai gebėjimas atsipalaiduoti, nurimti ir gyventi sąmoningiau.
* Euristika - problemų sprendimo būdas, kai sprendimas gaunamas bandant ir klystant.
* Senovės graikų filosofas Herakleitas sakė, kad niekas negali dukart įbristi į tą pačią upę. Kitaip tariant, pasaulis nuolat keičiasi ir pateikia vis naujų galimybių ir aplinkybių.
* Būti emociškai lanksčiam - tai suvokti ir pripažinti visus savo jausmus, o iš kebliausių dar ir pasimokyti. Gyventi dabartyje, aiškiai suvokti šią akimirką susiklosčiusias aplinkybes, atitinkamai į jas reaguoti ir veikti pagal savo vidines vertybes.
* Juokas - tai epigrama mirštantiems jausmams. Nietzsche.
* Bėda ta, kad nekreipdami dėmesio į nemalonias emocijas negalime suprasti, kas jas sukelia.
* Nuslopinti jausmai neišvengiamai prasiveržia visais netikėtais būdais - psichologai šį reiškinį vadina emocijų nutekėjimu. Jie (jausmai) pasirengę bet kurią akimirkà prasiveržti, juk spaudžiama materija prikaupia sprogstamosios galios.
* Kuo labiau priešinatės emocijoms, tuo giliau grimztate.
* Idealas yra negyvas, netikras ir nuobodus.
* Susipažinti su savo jausmais reikia drąsos.
* Paradoksas - mes negalime pakeisti nei savęs, nei aplinkybių, kol nepripažįstame jau esamų. Priėmimas - būtina pokyčių sąlyga. Turime leisti pasauliui būti tokiam, koks jis yra, nes tik tada, kai liaujamės meginę valdyti visatą, galime su ja sutarti.
* Kai atjautos sau per mažai, atrodo, kad ir pasaulis mums bus toks pat griežtas teisėjas.
* Jei negalime aiškiai pasakyti, ką jaučiame, žmonėms bus sunku mus suprasti ir ištiesti pagalbos ranką, kurios taip reikia.
* Nepratęs susitelkti protas lengvai išblaškomas ir mėtosi tarp praeities ir ateities, tai leisdamasis į prisiminimus, tai svajodamas apie ateities planus. Tik būdami dabartyje ir visiškai atsidėję dabarties akimirkai, galime reaguoti emociškai lanksčiai.
* Kaip rašė garsusis XVII amžiaus matematikas ir filosofas Blaise’as Pascalis, visos žmogaus bėdos kyla iš nesugebėjimo vienam pasedėti tylumoje.
* Įstengdami pasijuokti iš savęs ar situacijos, pajėgsite paprasčiau priimti problemą, o paskui nuo jos atsitraukti.
* Iš tikrųjų su kuo nors atsisveikinę mes dar turime visa kita. O kabindamiesi į nereikalingos emocijos likučius patys sau kliudome pasijusti kintamos sistemos, - visatos, kurioje gyvename, - dalimi.
* Kiekvienas gali paleisti tai, kas nereikalinga, - ar bent nesilaikyti taip stipriai įsikibęs, - atverti širdį.
* Tikroji sėkmė yra vidinė... Meilė. Gerumas. Bendrystė.
* Eiti savo keliu - tai menas gyventi pagal savo asmeninių vertybių sistemą: su tokiomis nuostatomis ir tokiais elgesio būdais, kurie jums svarbūs, suteikia gyvenimui prasmės ir pasitenkinimo. Atrasti savo vertybes - tas, kurios išties jūsų, o ne primestos kitų, ir jomis vadovautis - dar vienas labai svarbus žingsnis ugdant emocinį lankstumą.
* Radę laiko pažvelgti į ateitį, imamės ilgalaikių veiksmų jos labui.
* Vertybės tai psichologinis stuburas, suteikiantis jums tvirtumo.
* Mes ateinam į šį pasaulį neilgam, todėl verta pasistengti išmintingai išnaudoti tą ribotą laiką, kad nuveiktume ką nors reikšmingo sau patiems.
* Pastoviosios mąstysenos žmonės tiki vadinamàja duotybės teorija ir mano, kad intelekto, charakterio ir kitų svarbių asmenybės bruožų neįmanoma pakeisti. O tie, kuriems būdinga augimo mąstysena, šitas esmines savybes laiko kintamomis ir neabejoja, kad jas galima gerinti per žinias ir pastangas.
* Mąstysena pradeda keistis, kai suabejojate nuostatomis apie save ir pasaulį.
* Supratę, ko išties norime iš gyvenimo, lengviau galėsime įžvelgti noro elementą ten, kur kitu atveju matytume tik įsipareigojimus.
* Gyvenime, kur viskas tampa rutina, nėra vietos nei naujiems iššūkiams, nei džiaugsmui, nei atradimui; viskas jau žinoma, viskas suplanuota ir suskirstyta, prėska ir nuspėjama, gal net patogu - kaip ką tik pastatytame priemiesčio kvartale.
* Primityvūs malonumai gali brangiai atsieiti.
* Niekas niekada nepasiekė sėkmės be streso ir nepatogumų.
* Tobulėti - tai veiktie dviem kryptimis: užgriebti daugiau, tai yra imtis ko nors naujo, ir gilintis, kitaip sakant, ugdyti įgūdžius.
* Aistra, kuri tampa manija, nustelbiančia kitus svarbius gyvenimo aspektus, tikrai neveda į sėkmę.
* Kas veža, tam ir krauna.
* Euristika - problemų sprendimo būdas, kai sprendimas gaunamas bandant ir klystant.
* Senovės graikų filosofas Herakleitas sakė, kad niekas negali dukart įbristi į tą pačią upę. Kitaip tariant, pasaulis nuolat keičiasi ir pateikia vis naujų galimybių ir aplinkybių.
* Būti emociškai lanksčiam - tai suvokti ir pripažinti visus savo jausmus, o iš kebliausių dar ir pasimokyti. Gyventi dabartyje, aiškiai suvokti šią akimirką susiklosčiusias aplinkybes, atitinkamai į jas reaguoti ir veikti pagal savo vidines vertybes.
* Juokas - tai epigrama mirštantiems jausmams. Nietzsche.
* Bėda ta, kad nekreipdami dėmesio į nemalonias emocijas negalime suprasti, kas jas sukelia.
* Nuslopinti jausmai neišvengiamai prasiveržia visais netikėtais būdais - psichologai šį reiškinį vadina emocijų nutekėjimu. Jie (jausmai) pasirengę bet kurią akimirkà prasiveržti, juk spaudžiama materija prikaupia sprogstamosios galios.
* Kuo labiau priešinatės emocijoms, tuo giliau grimztate.
* Idealas yra negyvas, netikras ir nuobodus.
* Susipažinti su savo jausmais reikia drąsos.
* Paradoksas - mes negalime pakeisti nei savęs, nei aplinkybių, kol nepripažįstame jau esamų. Priėmimas - būtina pokyčių sąlyga. Turime leisti pasauliui būti tokiam, koks jis yra, nes tik tada, kai liaujamės meginę valdyti visatą, galime su ja sutarti.
* Kai atjautos sau per mažai, atrodo, kad ir pasaulis mums bus toks pat griežtas teisėjas.
* Jei negalime aiškiai pasakyti, ką jaučiame, žmonėms bus sunku mus suprasti ir ištiesti pagalbos ranką, kurios taip reikia.
* Nepratęs susitelkti protas lengvai išblaškomas ir mėtosi tarp praeities ir ateities, tai leisdamasis į prisiminimus, tai svajodamas apie ateities planus. Tik būdami dabartyje ir visiškai atsidėję dabarties akimirkai, galime reaguoti emociškai lanksčiai.
* Kaip rašė garsusis XVII amžiaus matematikas ir filosofas Blaise’as Pascalis, visos žmogaus bėdos kyla iš nesugebėjimo vienam pasedėti tylumoje.
* Įstengdami pasijuokti iš savęs ar situacijos, pajėgsite paprasčiau priimti problemą, o paskui nuo jos atsitraukti.
* Iš tikrųjų su kuo nors atsisveikinę mes dar turime visa kita. O kabindamiesi į nereikalingos emocijos likučius patys sau kliudome pasijusti kintamos sistemos, - visatos, kurioje gyvename, - dalimi.
* Kiekvienas gali paleisti tai, kas nereikalinga, - ar bent nesilaikyti taip stipriai įsikibęs, - atverti širdį.
* Tikroji sėkmė yra vidinė... Meilė. Gerumas. Bendrystė.
* Eiti savo keliu - tai menas gyventi pagal savo asmeninių vertybių sistemą: su tokiomis nuostatomis ir tokiais elgesio būdais, kurie jums svarbūs, suteikia gyvenimui prasmės ir pasitenkinimo. Atrasti savo vertybes - tas, kurios išties jūsų, o ne primestos kitų, ir jomis vadovautis - dar vienas labai svarbus žingsnis ugdant emocinį lankstumą.
* Radę laiko pažvelgti į ateitį, imamės ilgalaikių veiksmų jos labui.
* Vertybės tai psichologinis stuburas, suteikiantis jums tvirtumo.
* Mes ateinam į šį pasaulį neilgam, todėl verta pasistengti išmintingai išnaudoti tą ribotą laiką, kad nuveiktume ką nors reikšmingo sau patiems.
* Pastoviosios mąstysenos žmonės tiki vadinamàja duotybės teorija ir mano, kad intelekto, charakterio ir kitų svarbių asmenybės bruožų neįmanoma pakeisti. O tie, kuriems būdinga augimo mąstysena, šitas esmines savybes laiko kintamomis ir neabejoja, kad jas galima gerinti per žinias ir pastangas.
* Mąstysena pradeda keistis, kai suabejojate nuostatomis apie save ir pasaulį.
* Supratę, ko išties norime iš gyvenimo, lengviau galėsime įžvelgti noro elementą ten, kur kitu atveju matytume tik įsipareigojimus.
* Gyvenime, kur viskas tampa rutina, nėra vietos nei naujiems iššūkiams, nei džiaugsmui, nei atradimui; viskas jau žinoma, viskas suplanuota ir suskirstyta, prėska ir nuspėjama, gal net patogu - kaip ką tik pastatytame priemiesčio kvartale.
* Primityvūs malonumai gali brangiai atsieiti.
* Niekas niekada nepasiekė sėkmės be streso ir nepatogumų.
* Tobulėti - tai veiktie dviem kryptimis: užgriebti daugiau, tai yra imtis ko nors naujo, ir gilintis, kitaip sakant, ugdyti įgūdžius.
* Aistra, kuri tampa manija, nustelbiančia kitus svarbius gyvenimo aspektus, tikrai neveda į sėkmę.
* Kas veža, tam ir krauna.
January 16, 2026
Great book filled with an appealing and relatable storytelling and a practical proposition on emotions and emotional agility framework.
Emotional agility is among one of the key competencies of the future and the book makes a great case on its value and application.
Highly recommend 🤓
Emotional agility is among one of the key competencies of the future and the book makes a great case on its value and application.
Highly recommend 🤓
October 25, 2021
Well written and a great source of information. My only issue really was the repetitive uses of ‘weight loss’ research. I felt it was unnecessary how often these pieces of research were used and as someone who believes wholeheartedly in body neutrality it was a bit disappointing.
January 9, 2022
Fatphobia… using weight loss as an example for the majority of the book got really old really fast.
And equating mass white supremacist murder to “an egregious and profoundly sad case of ‘grit’ gone awry”… (184)
How tone deaf?! I struggle to recommend the book to anyone because of those two pieces, as they made it very difficult to finish the book. She took a lot of work from other philosophers and writers and put her own spin on it. Viktor Frankl, Brene Brown, etc.
Essentially, she wrote a viral HBR article and adapted it into a book. Here are the excerpts I dog-eared:
“Other studies show that low-grade daily stress (from the lunch box that needs to be filled at the last minute, the cell phone battery that dies right as you need to get on a critical conference call, the train that’s always running late, the looming pile of bills) can prematurely age brain cells by as much as a decade” (7).
“When we show up fully, with awareness and acceptance, even the worst demons usually back down. Simply by facing up to the scary things and giving them a name, we often strip them of their power. We end the tug-of-war by dropping the rope. Decades of psychological research shows that our life satisfaction is in the face of inevitable worries, regrets, and sad experiences depends not so much on how many of these things we experience, or even their intensity, but on the way we deal with them” (67).
“‘Let it go’ can at least become ‘hold it lightly,’ and when that happens, the heart expands. This does not mean a passive resignation to fate, but rather a vital engagement with the way things actually are, unfiltered and undistorted by rigid mental lenses.” (111)
“If this were my last day on earth, how would I act to make it a great final day?” (123)
Hooked
Showing up
Stepping out
Walking your why
Moving on
Thriving
And equating mass white supremacist murder to “an egregious and profoundly sad case of ‘grit’ gone awry”… (184)
How tone deaf?! I struggle to recommend the book to anyone because of those two pieces, as they made it very difficult to finish the book. She took a lot of work from other philosophers and writers and put her own spin on it. Viktor Frankl, Brene Brown, etc.
Essentially, she wrote a viral HBR article and adapted it into a book. Here are the excerpts I dog-eared:
“Other studies show that low-grade daily stress (from the lunch box that needs to be filled at the last minute, the cell phone battery that dies right as you need to get on a critical conference call, the train that’s always running late, the looming pile of bills) can prematurely age brain cells by as much as a decade” (7).
“When we show up fully, with awareness and acceptance, even the worst demons usually back down. Simply by facing up to the scary things and giving them a name, we often strip them of their power. We end the tug-of-war by dropping the rope. Decades of psychological research shows that our life satisfaction is in the face of inevitable worries, regrets, and sad experiences depends not so much on how many of these things we experience, or even their intensity, but on the way we deal with them” (67).
“‘Let it go’ can at least become ‘hold it lightly,’ and when that happens, the heart expands. This does not mean a passive resignation to fate, but rather a vital engagement with the way things actually are, unfiltered and undistorted by rigid mental lenses.” (111)
“If this were my last day on earth, how would I act to make it a great final day?” (123)
Hooked
Showing up
Stepping out
Walking your why
Moving on
Thriving
November 1, 2020
Книгата не е лоша. По същество не казва нещо кой знае колко неочаквано, по-скоро затвърждава това, което е много вероятно вече да знаете, ако сте стигнали до нея.
Не ми допадна постоянното вмъкване на клиширани цитати и преразкази на клинични експерименти, с които сякаш твърде много се е преекспонирало.
Но пък се почувствах добре докато чета. Подейства ми като някакво напомняне, че емоциите, в крайна сметка, са нещо отделно от нас и не е нужно да подчиняваме живота си на тях, нито да правим нещо да ги избегнем или преодолеем. Това е наистина окриляваща мисъл, ако човек наистина повярва в нея, защото практически означава, че това, че те е страх да шофираш, например, няма общо със самия акт на шофиране и не бива да е пречка да практикуваш.
Хареса ми и идеята, че ако изследваме емоциите си, можем да достигнем до истинските ни ценности, или, с други думи, кое наистина ни е важно. Защото, ако човек се ужасява да говори пред публика до степен на парализа, това спокойно би могло да индикира, че някъде по пътя стремежът към одобрението на хората е станал на всяка цена.
Но може би най-ценна за мен беше категоризацията на типовете хора, по признак как се справят с емоциите си. Мисля, че човек може да се отрезви в това отношение и да помисли за ефекта, който вътрешните му борби имат върху околните.
И още, и още.
Има какво да се "открадне", препоръчвам.
Не ми допадна постоянното вмъкване на клиширани цитати и преразкази на клинични експерименти, с които сякаш твърде много се е преекспонирало.
Но пък се почувствах добре докато чета. Подейства ми като някакво напомняне, че емоциите, в крайна сметка, са нещо отделно от нас и не е нужно да подчиняваме живота си на тях, нито да правим нещо да ги избегнем или преодолеем. Това е наистина окриляваща мисъл, ако човек наистина повярва в нея, защото практически означава, че това, че те е страх да шофираш, например, няма общо със самия акт на шофиране и не бива да е пречка да практикуваш.
Хареса ми и идеята, че ако изследваме емоциите си, можем да достигнем до истинските ни ценности, или, с други думи, кое наистина ни е важно. Защото, ако човек се ужасява да говори пред публика до степен на парализа, това спокойно би могло да индикира, че някъде по пътя стремежът към одобрението на хората е станал на всяка цена.
Но може би най-ценна за мен беше категоризацията на типовете хора, по признак как се справят с емоциите си. Мисля, че човек може да се отрезви в това отношение и да помисли за ефекта, който вътрешните му борби имат върху околните.
И още, и още.
Има какво да се "открадне", препоръчвам.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,203 reviews