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A Different Kind of Daughter: The Girl Who Hid from the Taliban in Plain Sight
Maria Toorpakai hails from Pakistan's violently oppressive northwest tribal region, where the idea of women playing sports is considered haram-un-Islamic-forbidden-and girls rarely leave their homes. But she did, passing as a boy in order to play the sports she loved, thus becoming a lightning rod of freedom in her country's fierce battle over women's rights.
A DIFFERENT KIND OF DAUGHTER tell of Maria's harrowing journey to play the sport she knew was her destiny, first living as a boy and roaming the violent back alleys of the frontier city of Peshawar, rising to become the number one female squash player in Pakistan. For Maria, squash was more than liberation-it was salvation. But it was also a death sentence, thrusting her into the national spotlight and the crosshairs of the Taliban, who wanted Maria and her family dead. Maria knew her only chance of survival was to flee the country.
Enter Jonathon Power, the first North American to earn the title of top squash player in the world, and the only person to heed Maria's plea for help. Recognizing her determination and talent, Jonathon invited Maria to train and compete internationally in Canada. After years of living on the run from the Taliban, Maria packed up and left the only place she had ever known to move halfway across the globe and pursue her dream. Now Maria is well on the way to becoming a world champion as she continues to be a voice for oppressed women everywhere.
A DIFFERENT KIND OF DAUGHTER tell of Maria's harrowing journey to play the sport she knew was her destiny, first living as a boy and roaming the violent back alleys of the frontier city of Peshawar, rising to become the number one female squash player in Pakistan. For Maria, squash was more than liberation-it was salvation. But it was also a death sentence, thrusting her into the national spotlight and the crosshairs of the Taliban, who wanted Maria and her family dead. Maria knew her only chance of survival was to flee the country.
Enter Jonathon Power, the first North American to earn the title of top squash player in the world, and the only person to heed Maria's plea for help. Recognizing her determination and talent, Jonathon invited Maria to train and compete internationally in Canada. After years of living on the run from the Taliban, Maria packed up and left the only place she had ever known to move halfway across the globe and pursue her dream. Now Maria is well on the way to becoming a world champion as she continues to be a voice for oppressed women everywhere.
344 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 23, 2016
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June 9, 2016
Disclaimer: ARC via Netgalley.
Every time there is a terrorist attack committed by someone who claims to be follower of Islam someone who claims to be a follower of Christianity wonders why all Muslims do not condemn the terrorist.
Toorpaki’s book (written with the help of Katherine Holstein) should be required reading for such idiots.
Toorpaki is a squash player from Pakistan, from the area of Pakistan where the Taliban has a presence, so needless to say her abilities draw death threats from that group. But that isn’t the most compelling part of this book.
Toorpaki’s parts are a huge part of the book, and the reason why this book should be handed to idiots. Toorpaki’s father, Shams, is a man from a family of rank but he is not a traditional son. While he is a devout Muslim, he is not conservative in matters of religion. He believes in education for all his children, and more importantly, acknowledges his wife as his equal (if not ruler). In an arranged marriage, Shams, as Toorpaki notes, gives his wife the gift of finishing her education and even supporting her in manners that even Western men would balk at, even as he teaches. Toorpaki’s mother isn’t less remarkable, rising to a prominent educational position and facing death by a belief in educating girls. Additionally, both parents raise their children (two girls, three boys) to be contributing members of society, educating not just their girls, but their boys as well. Teaching among the many lessons that all people should be accorded respect and that we should never stop learning (or even teaching).
Toorpaki’s parents are what we should all be as human beings.
It is true that the book is partial hero worship to her parents, and it is hard not to see why. By her own admission, Toorpaki was not a traditional daughter. She was far more physical than her sister and a traditional school environment did not work for her. She wasn’t a problem child, at least not in the Western sense of the term. Her parents allow/encourage/accept her tomboyish personality by giving her boy clothes and a bicycle. She even takes up weight lifting prior to her discovery of squash.
And it is that “boyish” aspect of the story that transcends simply Pakistan and deals with gender issues the world over.
Look at Serena Williams, who has been called too manly and not a real woman simply because she is a physical powerhouse. Or the Olympic swimmers who were judged on their appearance as opposed to their medals. Toorpaki’s chronicle about reactions to her post weight lifting appearance as well as her squash ability deal with issues like these. Today in the liberated West, we want our women athletes to be feminine to look like Swimsuit Issue model beauty instead of the physical powerhouse beauties they are. Even Toorpaki’s harassment by her fellow male students is something that we still see in the West – anyone else see that story about a male fan making his way onto the hotel floor where the US Women’s Soccer Team was staying?
Of course, there is much about the Taliban and its impact upon Toorpaki when she becomes a target. This is even more powerful because Toorpaki drew unwanted attention when as a young girl, she assumed, for lack of a better word, a boy’s identity and name – Genghis Khan. The persecution by the Taliban is sadly just a contamination and speaks more for the need of support of people like Toorpaki’s parents then anything as well as highlighting the determination and bravery of the whole Toorpaki family. Furthermore, the struggle to get Toorpaki to safety also shows the strength of a community and community ties.
It’s true, to be fair, that at times there is a desire to mutter “get on with it” or the structure seems a bit loose, but the story is compelling told. While not chatty, it is far more than readable. This is also because Toorpaki includes her family in the telling.
May 21, 2016
Maria is Pashtun from the Wazir tribe (Waziristan is a district). This is her story, she is the narrator. It's a memoir until her mid-twenties. It's about her homeland in one sense (Pakistan), the Taliban in another. Several smaller towns and also Peshawar feature as places of locale as her family moves for safety or educational purpose. The rules for girls she rejects with a match and kerosene when she is less than 7. So she lives as a boy named Genghis Khan. She cuts her own hair razor short, wears longish shorts and long framed t-shirts. She loves the physical (outdoor especially) life and does all that promotes size. Including soccer, weight lifting, all manners of chores/ work that will ensue arm strength. Carrying huge sacks of supplies or maize for the shopping chores, for instance.
She is insulted to a degree that is hard to explain. Far, far worse than bullying.
Warning: this is a difficult read. The literary flow is excellent, but the subject matter and conversations can be brutal. Genghis observes torture, death by stoning, beatings- to name just a few.
The story of her relationship to her family members, the onus that her father holds which consistently puts him in danger of death. And the routes that her siblings and mother take during these moves and directions of their own during her teen years, are pivotal for this story too. Her mother being often absent, with her father having to parent in fact.
She eventually becomes a squash player and emigrates with the team and a coach's direction for the path to do so. She sees her family on Skype.
The world she described in her birth area is too horrific to context in full here. As her father looks through his borrowed binoculars, "look, they all are zombies". This looking at crowds of all ages in the streets from a third floor height. He's accurate.
She is insulted to a degree that is hard to explain. Far, far worse than bullying.
Warning: this is a difficult read. The literary flow is excellent, but the subject matter and conversations can be brutal. Genghis observes torture, death by stoning, beatings- to name just a few.
The story of her relationship to her family members, the onus that her father holds which consistently puts him in danger of death. And the routes that her siblings and mother take during these moves and directions of their own during her teen years, are pivotal for this story too. Her mother being often absent, with her father having to parent in fact.
She eventually becomes a squash player and emigrates with the team and a coach's direction for the path to do so. She sees her family on Skype.
The world she described in her birth area is too horrific to context in full here. As her father looks through his borrowed binoculars, "look, they all are zombies". This looking at crowds of all ages in the streets from a third floor height. He's accurate.
June 20, 2017
A compelling story of a girl raised in Pakistan who rebelled against everything. At 4 or 5 she gathers her clothes and burns them in a kerosene fire. From then on she goes about life as a boy. She cuts her hair short and wears her brother's hand me down clothes. The women's clothes make her literally break out in a rash. Her father renames her Genghis Khan and she rarely uses her given name of Maria and never dresses as a woman.
Her parents are remarkedly progressive as members of a tribal culture, the Sunnis. Her mother goes back to school to become an educator leaving her daughter home from school tending to the young twin brothers. I found this odd but maybe it's a cultural thing. Then Maria can't go to school as she dresses as a boy which is unacceptable. Eventually their tribe runs them off as too progressive and they begin a nomadic life.
Her mother works for the government setting up girl schools which are continually bombed out. She recruits girls from all over but still, oddly to me, not to Maria who is left at home to tend the babies, cook, and clean house. The older daughter does go to school and is a remarkable student. The father is an university professor of auto mechanics and even helps out with chores. Everyone in the house is treated as an equal no matter their sex.
Their are horrible stories of what is done to women. The constant violence becomes a nuisance as the family tries to live a normal life. Maria finds an interest in sports, first weight lifting and then squash. I had no idea how popular a sport squash is but apparently there are international tournaments and even opportunities to meet the President of Pakistan. Maria is also full of anger and picks fights with boys just for the pleasure of beating them up.
I found many things interesting. I am not sure if this is an athlete thing but she is very self centered. She expects the family to revolve her and it does. Her older sister is brilliant and has gone on to be a famous Pakistani politician. But everything centers around Maria, getting her to practices in spite of terrible dangers, going without meat for a month so she can fly to a tournament in Malaysia, her brother giving up his studying time to bodyguard her. It just goes on and on. She seems to have no real idea how much danger she places her family in when she makes some extremely dangerous decisions. She also seems to have no real appreciation of the sacrifices they make for her. After all, she wants it and that seems to be all that matters. And they never even get to see her play squash as everything has gone to her.
The mother is quite educated but when Maria gets dengue fever, she sacrifices a goat. I know this is a cultural thing but I would have thought the education would have negated that notion.
It is a fascinating book but I think the real heroes are her parents and how they raised those five children in spite of all the hardships. The sense of worth they gave all of them was amazing.
I would have liked to have known more about her gender identity. It is all very vague. All in all, it was quite an interesting read about a life so foreign to me. I am so glad I don't live under the Taliban.
Her parents are remarkedly progressive as members of a tribal culture, the Sunnis. Her mother goes back to school to become an educator leaving her daughter home from school tending to the young twin brothers. I found this odd but maybe it's a cultural thing. Then Maria can't go to school as she dresses as a boy which is unacceptable. Eventually their tribe runs them off as too progressive and they begin a nomadic life.
Her mother works for the government setting up girl schools which are continually bombed out. She recruits girls from all over but still, oddly to me, not to Maria who is left at home to tend the babies, cook, and clean house. The older daughter does go to school and is a remarkable student. The father is an university professor of auto mechanics and even helps out with chores. Everyone in the house is treated as an equal no matter their sex.
Their are horrible stories of what is done to women. The constant violence becomes a nuisance as the family tries to live a normal life. Maria finds an interest in sports, first weight lifting and then squash. I had no idea how popular a sport squash is but apparently there are international tournaments and even opportunities to meet the President of Pakistan. Maria is also full of anger and picks fights with boys just for the pleasure of beating them up.
I found many things interesting. I am not sure if this is an athlete thing but she is very self centered. She expects the family to revolve her and it does. Her older sister is brilliant and has gone on to be a famous Pakistani politician. But everything centers around Maria, getting her to practices in spite of terrible dangers, going without meat for a month so she can fly to a tournament in Malaysia, her brother giving up his studying time to bodyguard her. It just goes on and on. She seems to have no real idea how much danger she places her family in when she makes some extremely dangerous decisions. She also seems to have no real appreciation of the sacrifices they make for her. After all, she wants it and that seems to be all that matters. And they never even get to see her play squash as everything has gone to her.
The mother is quite educated but when Maria gets dengue fever, she sacrifices a goat. I know this is a cultural thing but I would have thought the education would have negated that notion.
It is a fascinating book but I think the real heroes are her parents and how they raised those five children in spite of all the hardships. The sense of worth they gave all of them was amazing.
I would have liked to have known more about her gender identity. It is all very vague. All in all, it was quite an interesting read about a life so foreign to me. I am so glad I don't live under the Taliban.
August 2, 2017
This is the amazing story of an amazing woman.
Maria grew up in Pakistan in Taliban controlled areas; her incredibly brave parents allowed her to live the first part of her life as a boy. This meant she could enjoy freedoms and a way of life she would have been denied by society were her true gender known.
Her parents are devout Muslims and we see the differences in their interpretation of their religion and the radicals around them. Her mother in particular is an inspiring figure: travelling around Taliban controlled areas, facing danger every day in order to provide girls with an education.
I learnt a great deal from this book; Maria's personal experience sheds light on the issues of the region and I feel better informed as a result.
I received an ARC in return for an honest review.
Maria grew up in Pakistan in Taliban controlled areas; her incredibly brave parents allowed her to live the first part of her life as a boy. This meant she could enjoy freedoms and a way of life she would have been denied by society were her true gender known.
Her parents are devout Muslims and we see the differences in their interpretation of their religion and the radicals around them. Her mother in particular is an inspiring figure: travelling around Taliban controlled areas, facing danger every day in order to provide girls with an education.
I learnt a great deal from this book; Maria's personal experience sheds light on the issues of the region and I feel better informed as a result.
I received an ARC in return for an honest review.
April 23, 2019
In the conservative Muslim lands of NW Pakistan, the author lived a fairly free life as a child, thanks to her liberal minded father who wanted his wife to have the opportunity to work and his children to have an education. Marie was a strong child, dressed like a boy and for most people was a boy. She whomped the local bullies, excelled in weight lifting and then found a passion for playing squash.
It's an interesting read going along quite blandly then some episode of violence, sexism, or male stupidity occurs which was as brutal as it was senseless.
Her battle with the Taliban is a small part of her story which really was about what can happen when people are given opportunity.
It's an interesting read going along quite blandly then some episode of violence, sexism, or male stupidity occurs which was as brutal as it was senseless.
Her battle with the Taliban is a small part of her story which really was about what can happen when people are given opportunity.
February 12, 2016
This was an incredibly moving memoir of a girl from Pakistan who grows up to challenge the norm in startling ways. I can't imagine growing up the way Maria did. I alternated between awe at her parent's bravery and anger that people are forced to live this way due to hate. I strongly recommend this book to anyone looking for an insight into the lives of everyday people in Pakistan doing extraordinary things for what they believe in. I truly felt changed by reading this. For anyone who would like to expand their understand of Islam and the life of faithful Muslims living in Taliban controlled lands, which honestly should be everyone.
Full.disclosure - I received the book from the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
Full.disclosure - I received the book from the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
November 9, 2016
Very interesting reveal of life in Pakistan when you're a girl in a boy's body but happy to be a girl. What I didn't appreciate about this was that Maria didn't share how she felt -- the story dwelled around the expectations of the country, people and her family; where are the insights into who she is and why she is. Maybe I just missed this?
The writing reminded me a lot of the Mahlala book, where it seemed that there was more than one 'voice' in the book. This is most distracting and makes the details seem fictional.
Ayesha is a very interesting character and I really wish that more was written about her or explained in the book -- what she did was interesting and should be highlighted.
Great, entertaining story.
*buddy read with BP
The writing reminded me a lot of the Mahlala book, where it seemed that there was more than one 'voice' in the book. This is most distracting and makes the details seem fictional.
Ayesha is a very interesting character and I really wish that more was written about her or explained in the book -- what she did was interesting and should be highlighted.
Great, entertaining story.
*buddy read with BP
May 28, 2016
I first learned of Maria Toorpakai's story from an evening news segment. Because I have recently been reading books about life in the Middle East and Islamic lives, I was extremely eager to read A Different Kind of Daughter. I was not disappointed as this book delivered in every way I was hoping it would.
Maria Toorpakai was born in northern Pakistan in the Waziristan region, bordering Afghanistan. Waziristan is an extremely conservative region where women are closely guarded and often practice purdah in which they live in a separate room of the home or dress in a burqa, completely covering themselves to avoid being seen by any males.
However, Maria's family was different. Her father is a progressive thinker and encourages his wife to pursue her dream of becoming a teacher of girls who are not allowed to attend school with boys. Although the family are devout Muslims , Maria and her sister, Ayesha, are encouraged to live outside of the boundaries of a traditional Muslim household. Her father's liberal views anger tribal leaders and the family moves multiple times while Maria is growing up, trying to avoid conflict with the Wazirs who don't share the same liberal beliefs.
At a very young age Maria feels more comfortable living the carefree life of a boy. She spurns the wearing of dresses, instead wearing the shorts and t-shirts of her older brother. Her hair is cut short and she gets into fist fights with the boys who roam the alleys of every village they move to and not once do any of them suspect that Maria is a girl. It should be noted that it isn't uncommon for a female to live as a male in many areas throughout the region. In The Underground Girls of Afghanistan, Jenny Nordberg writes of the "bacha posh"--girls who are raised as boys and who live temporarily as males, enjoying the freedoms and rights that are known only to male citizens.
What is different with Maria is that even as she grows older, her parents and siblings continue to accept her for who she is, even moving when they need to and thereby also allowing her mother and sister to pursue their rights to live freely. At one point, Maria even adopts the male name of Genghis Khan as she attempts to participate in male-only sports. It is after a move to the city of Peshawar that Maria discovers the game of squash. A natural athlete, she quickly rises to the highest levels of the sport but in doing so, she catches the attention of the Taliban military who are prolific in and around Peshawar.
Aware that staying in Pakistan will bring harm to her family if she continues to play and compete, Maria searches out ways to continue to play the game she loves in a safer environment. Nearly by luck, she connects with Canadian citizen and world class squash player, Jonathon Power. Power is eager to accept Maria as his protégé so she moves alone to Toronto to be trained by Power in the hopes of becoming a world champion.
A Different Kind of Daughter is a story of courage and of hope. I wish the best for Maria Toorpakai as she continues to lead the fight for female athletes who wish to compete in the Muslim world.
My sincere thanks to Ms Toorpakai, the publisher, and NetGalley for allowing me the privilege to read an advance reader copy.
Maria Toorpakai was born in northern Pakistan in the Waziristan region, bordering Afghanistan. Waziristan is an extremely conservative region where women are closely guarded and often practice purdah in which they live in a separate room of the home or dress in a burqa, completely covering themselves to avoid being seen by any males.
However, Maria's family was different. Her father is a progressive thinker and encourages his wife to pursue her dream of becoming a teacher of girls who are not allowed to attend school with boys. Although the family are devout Muslims , Maria and her sister, Ayesha, are encouraged to live outside of the boundaries of a traditional Muslim household. Her father's liberal views anger tribal leaders and the family moves multiple times while Maria is growing up, trying to avoid conflict with the Wazirs who don't share the same liberal beliefs.
At a very young age Maria feels more comfortable living the carefree life of a boy. She spurns the wearing of dresses, instead wearing the shorts and t-shirts of her older brother. Her hair is cut short and she gets into fist fights with the boys who roam the alleys of every village they move to and not once do any of them suspect that Maria is a girl. It should be noted that it isn't uncommon for a female to live as a male in many areas throughout the region. In The Underground Girls of Afghanistan, Jenny Nordberg writes of the "bacha posh"--girls who are raised as boys and who live temporarily as males, enjoying the freedoms and rights that are known only to male citizens.
What is different with Maria is that even as she grows older, her parents and siblings continue to accept her for who she is, even moving when they need to and thereby also allowing her mother and sister to pursue their rights to live freely. At one point, Maria even adopts the male name of Genghis Khan as she attempts to participate in male-only sports. It is after a move to the city of Peshawar that Maria discovers the game of squash. A natural athlete, she quickly rises to the highest levels of the sport but in doing so, she catches the attention of the Taliban military who are prolific in and around Peshawar.
Aware that staying in Pakistan will bring harm to her family if she continues to play and compete, Maria searches out ways to continue to play the game she loves in a safer environment. Nearly by luck, she connects with Canadian citizen and world class squash player, Jonathon Power. Power is eager to accept Maria as his protégé so she moves alone to Toronto to be trained by Power in the hopes of becoming a world champion.
A Different Kind of Daughter is a story of courage and of hope. I wish the best for Maria Toorpakai as she continues to lead the fight for female athletes who wish to compete in the Muslim world.
My sincere thanks to Ms Toorpakai, the publisher, and NetGalley for allowing me the privilege to read an advance reader copy.
August 1, 2016
4.5 Stars! Beautifully written, must read tale of determination.
This is story introduces you to Maria and her incredible family; who loved and supported their non-conventional daughter just as she was - encouraging her dreams and aspirations.
Within her family Maria had the space to grow and become the champion we see but not within the Taliban regime where the belief is that women belong in purdah or within four walls; to defy this system is to live in daily fear. The things Maria saw as a child and experienced as a young woman were at times difficult to read as the terror and horror dripped from the pages.
I'm very happy Maria has made Canada her home and that through her organization, Only One Girl Foundation, that there will be 1000's of Marias each making their dreams a reality and paying it forward for those that follow.
This is story introduces you to Maria and her incredible family; who loved and supported their non-conventional daughter just as she was - encouraging her dreams and aspirations.
Within her family Maria had the space to grow and become the champion we see but not within the Taliban regime where the belief is that women belong in purdah or within four walls; to defy this system is to live in daily fear. The things Maria saw as a child and experienced as a young woman were at times difficult to read as the terror and horror dripped from the pages.
I'm very happy Maria has made Canada her home and that through her organization, Only One Girl Foundation, that there will be 1000's of Marias each making their dreams a reality and paying it forward for those that follow.
August 19, 2016
I received an ARC copy of A Different Kind of Daughter: The Girl Who Hid from the Taliban in Plain Sight by Maria Toorpakai in exchange for an honest review. What an incredible story! I have to admit that the beginning was slow and I almost gave up a few times but I am so glad that I didn't. It is really hard to believe the kind of lives women and girls live under Taliban and extreme Muslim rule. We hear about it but to hear Maria's story put a whole new perspective on it for me. What a wonderful, caring, and supportive family she has. Thanks to them and the principals both her parents believed in, Maria became the athlete and person she was destined to be. What diversity and hardships she had to endure to get to where she is now. This is truly and enlightening read. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
May 17, 2016
An absolute treasure of a book! The account of a woman whose family believed in equality and education and pursuing a dream even while living in communities in Pakistan that severely restrict girls and women. Her father encouraged her spirit no matter the risk. I could not put this book down until I finished it, reading til 4 in the morning. The book describes her challenges as she adapted to each environment she moved to and eventually found her calling as a squash champion. Not only the danger of her country but also its beauty is revealed here. Don't pass this book up.
May 24, 2019
There are many ways to be a girl
Singularly compelling look at oppressive regimes and a lens on gender. An ode to a modern day tribal warrior. There are many ways to be a warrior too.
Singularly compelling look at oppressive regimes and a lens on gender. An ode to a modern day tribal warrior. There are many ways to be a warrior too.
October 21, 2022
What a story! I’m blown away…
Not just her personal story but also the Talibans take over over Pakistan and surroundings. It made me understand so much more about this conflict. I did a lot of research while reading and absolutely admire her work, as well as her families. Highly recommended!
Not just her personal story but also the Talibans take over over Pakistan and surroundings. It made me understand so much more about this conflict. I did a lot of research while reading and absolutely admire her work, as well as her families. Highly recommended!
May 5, 2016
I had always believed that the Pashtun people were a tall and noble people, but I had no idea that their females were as nothing and forced into seclusion, deliver their baby without trained assistance, or that the Pakistani version of a Taliban found all Pashtun disgusting and open targets for murder. But then, I also did not know that Pakistani sports teams were run by branches of the military, that Squash is the second most popular sport in Pakistan, which is also the most heroin addicted country in the world.
Before being forced to marry, Maria's father, a professor of engineering, had been locked in an asylum, twice, for publicly speaking out about the rights of women to seek an education, receive medical care inherit or buy property, or simply own and drive a car. And the mother was considered an abomination for having learned too much--but husband later assisted her to gain degrees, which she used to pursue schooling for many girls.
Enter Maria. She simply did not fit into the culture. Born in 1990, at the age of 4 she totally disdained the cultural norm, burned the girl clothing, and hacked off her hair. Her father supported her needs and renamed her Ghengis Khan, and she wore her older brother's outgrown clothing. Constitutionally unable to tolerate being kept indoors for schooling, she learned from her highly educated family in the evenings. At the age of twelve, she discovered the sport of squash and found her passion, goals, and joy of life. She became the first Pashtun girl to enter the sport, and was amazed, several years later, to find that there was a national girl's team. But unlike the boys, there were no government supplied shoes, uniforms, transportation to interAsian tournaments. With a lot of hard work, she eventually became the national champion, and therefore as much a target for the Pakistan taliban as her mother and later, her sister who held a public government position. As a target, she became confined to the house, tried to practice, and sank into a deep depression. The family eventually found ways to send her to a meet in Kuala Lampur, but she came down with Dengue Fever and nearly died, spending 6 days in ICU and suffering severe muscle wasting. The family got her home, and then found a way to send her to a meet in the states, even though she was in no shape to play. There, Jonathon Power, world title holder, caught up with her and brought her to Toronto to heal, become able to be competitive again, and coach in his academy.
An emotionally exhausting book, but one that needs reading and sharing.
Before being forced to marry, Maria's father, a professor of engineering, had been locked in an asylum, twice, for publicly speaking out about the rights of women to seek an education, receive medical care inherit or buy property, or simply own and drive a car. And the mother was considered an abomination for having learned too much--but husband later assisted her to gain degrees, which she used to pursue schooling for many girls.
Enter Maria. She simply did not fit into the culture. Born in 1990, at the age of 4 she totally disdained the cultural norm, burned the girl clothing, and hacked off her hair. Her father supported her needs and renamed her Ghengis Khan, and she wore her older brother's outgrown clothing. Constitutionally unable to tolerate being kept indoors for schooling, she learned from her highly educated family in the evenings. At the age of twelve, she discovered the sport of squash and found her passion, goals, and joy of life. She became the first Pashtun girl to enter the sport, and was amazed, several years later, to find that there was a national girl's team. But unlike the boys, there were no government supplied shoes, uniforms, transportation to interAsian tournaments. With a lot of hard work, she eventually became the national champion, and therefore as much a target for the Pakistan taliban as her mother and later, her sister who held a public government position. As a target, she became confined to the house, tried to practice, and sank into a deep depression. The family eventually found ways to send her to a meet in Kuala Lampur, but she came down with Dengue Fever and nearly died, spending 6 days in ICU and suffering severe muscle wasting. The family got her home, and then found a way to send her to a meet in the states, even though she was in no shape to play. There, Jonathon Power, world title holder, caught up with her and brought her to Toronto to heal, become able to be competitive again, and coach in his academy.
An emotionally exhausting book, but one that needs reading and sharing.
July 30, 2016
This is the story of Maria Toorpakai who grew up in the tribal regions of Pakistan, an area under heavy Taliban influence, and how she, with the help and guidance of her very liberal parents, eventually became a top-ranked squash player. In her home region, girls and women are heavily oppressed. The memoir was difficult to read in places as Toorpakai gives examples of this oppression and the violence done towards women who do not follow Taliban expectations. This was balanced by recollections of her home life and the extent that her parents went to in defying the Taliban and recognizing and nurturing her talents. it was a moving and inspiring book as well as being quite sobering. It made me realize how truly blessed I am as a western woman and how much I take for granted when everyday trivialities which I never give a second thought to are things that are denied to women in other parts of the world. I hear people say that women have attained equality and that there is no longer a need for the feminist movement. Not so, as this book makes very clear. Fabulous book. Thank you to Goodreads Giveaways for this copy.
February 14, 2017
What a great story. I was so involved in Maria's life that I couldn't put the book down.
She's a very interesting, brave girl. Her determination to excel in her sport (sports) is truly admirable and inspirational. I found it amazing though, that her educated parents thought it was just fine that she didn't go to school because 'she didn't like it', while her siblings all did attend formal education. I sure would have balked at that if I was her sibling, but that wasn't the case in her family.
Loved the book! Five stars.
She's a very interesting, brave girl. Her determination to excel in her sport (sports) is truly admirable and inspirational. I found it amazing though, that her educated parents thought it was just fine that she didn't go to school because 'she didn't like it', while her siblings all did attend formal education. I sure would have balked at that if I was her sibling, but that wasn't the case in her family.
Loved the book! Five stars.
September 5, 2022
This is the dramatic story of a young Pashtun athlete who faced huge risks and persecution by the Taliban to follow her calling. Maria’s entire family are inspiring. Her mother ran schools for girls, and the buildings were consistently bombed. Her sister is now a politician in Pakistan, no small feat for a woman. Her older brother sacrificed much to be sure Maria would be safe. And her brave father is an inspiring parent always putting the needs of his child ahead of his own, respecting her individuality and guiding her with love and wisdom.
March 13, 2017
Excellent excellent book!! Such an amazing story it's hard to believe it's actually nonfiction. Maria has the most amazing parents that allowed her to become her true self all under the nose of the Taliban. I am so glad to read about wonderful Muslims, their hard work for the unprivileged girls and women in their country and their devotion to their faith. This is such an incredible story and I am so glad I read this book.
June 12, 2017
Inspiring, unbelievable, full of woman power - Maria Toorpakai is a hero and a role model for all girls around the world.
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„Pakistańska córka” to opowieść o brawurowej odwadze, która przypomina nam, że istnieją na świecie jeszcze miejsca, w których jakiekolwiek równouprawnienie płci to tylko odległy, nierealny sen. To historia dziewczyny, która nie bała się, by taki sen śnić.
---
„Pakistańska córka” to opowieść o brawurowej odwadze, która przypomina nam, że istnieją na świecie jeszcze miejsca, w których jakiekolwiek równouprawnienie płci to tylko odległy, nierealny sen. To historia dziewczyny, która nie bała się, by taki sen śnić.
January 26, 2023
An inspiring true story about a young girl from Pakistan growing up under the Taliban. With girls banned from playing sport, she passes herself off as a boy to enjoy the freedoms she so desperately wants. With an amazingly supportive family who keep moving to stay one step ahead of the authorities, Maria excels at squash and today lives in Canada, and is one of the world's top squash players.
March 8, 2023
This is a book I have been meaning to read for a while and it did not disappoint. Maria's story is intense and fascinating, but also at times painful and terrifying. What I loved the most was the unwavering support everyone in her family had for everyone else. They all willingly made deep sacrifices not just for Maria, but for everyone in the family.
August 4, 2016
An incredible story. Well written and worth reading. My hat is off, not just to Maria for what she has accomplished, but to her parents. Read it and you'll understand why I say this. Amazing!!
January 18, 2018
Presented this book to my book club
These are the ideas and questions that I used:
1. Did the book remind you of any other memoirs or biographies you've read?
2. Does anyone know when the story took place? How old is Maria today?
She was born Nov 22, 1990 in South Waziristan, a tribal region in NW Pakistan bordering Afghanistan- She is 27 years old.
3. Memoirs can be written for a variety of different purposes, such as clearing up a misconceived notion, gaining fame and notoriety or promoting something. What category does this book fall into?
4. Do you believe Maria’s story or is she profiting by exaggerating the facts? Were there any instances in which you felt the author was not being truthful? How did you react to these sections?
5. The book describes many journeys, let’s talk about some of the journeys of Maria Toorpakai. (Vivid detail about her journey to become her best self.)
6. Maria’s parents are extraordinary. How did their life differ from most Pakistani tribal people?
(It is true that the book is partial hero worship to her parents, and it is hard not to see why. By her own admission, Toorpaki was not a traditional daughter
Toorpaki’s father, Shams, is a man from a family of rank but he is not a traditional son. While he is a devout Muslim, he is not conservative in matters of religion. He believes in education for all his children, and more importantly, acknowledges his wife as his equal (if not ruler). In an arranged marriage, Shams, as Toorpaki notes, gives his wife the gift of finishing her education and even supporting her in manners that even Western men would balk at, even as he teaches. Toorpaki’s mother isn’t less remarkable, rising to a prominent educational position and facing death by a belief in educating girls. Additionally, both parents raise their children (two girls, three boys) to be contributing members of society, educating not just their girls, but their boys as well. Teaching among the many lessons that all people should be accorded respect and that we should never stop learning (or even teaching). Her parents are remarkedly progressive as members of a tribal culture, the Sunnis. Her mother goes back to school to become an educator leaving her daughter home from school tending to the young twin brothers. I found this odd but maybe it's a cultural thing. Then Maria can't go to school as she dresses as a boy which is unacceptable. Eventually their tribe runs them off as too progressive and they begin a nomadic life.
Her mother works for the government setting up girl schools which are continually bombed out. She recruits girls from all over but still, oddly to me, not to Maria who is left at home to tend the babies, cook, and clean house. The older daughter does go to school and is a remarkable student. The father is an university professor of auto mechanics and even helps out with chores. Everyone in the house is treated as an equal no matter their sex.
7. Did anyone find Maria to be self centered?
( She expects the family to revolve her and it does. Her older sister is brilliant and has gone on to be a famous Pakistani politician. But everything centers around Maria, getting her to practices in spite of terrible dangers, going without meat for a month so she can fly to a tournament in Malaysia, her brother giving up his studying time to bodyguard her. It just goes on and on. She seems to have no real idea how much danger she places her family in when she makes some extremely dangerous decisions. She also seems to have no real appreciation of the sacrifices they make for her. After all, she wants it and that seems to be all that matters. And they never even get to see her play squash as everything has gone to her.)
8. Maria didn't share how she felt? There is very little about her feelings and emotions.
(the story dwelled around the expectations of the country, people and her family; where are the insights into who she is and why she is.
9. What did the story reveal about life in Pakistan? South Waziriatn and the adjacent regions are known as the lawless areas. What does this mean in terms of the women?
(Local judiciar (elders make decisions) Near border of Afghanistan Their are horrible stories of what is done to women. The constant violence becomes a nuisance as the family tries to live a normal life.
10. Did anyone find this a difficult read? What are some of the challenges Maria Toorpakai faced?,What are some of the challenges that Maria faced growing up in Wazirastan?
Warning: this is a difficult read. The literary flow is excellent, but the subject matter and conversations can be brutal. Genghis observes torture, death by stoning, beatings- to name just a few. )
(Subjugation of women is explained.Set against the political turbulence in Pakistan after the American war on terrorism in Afghanistan, to the re- emergence and violence of the Taliban who enforce a dark age on women's rights through fear and murder, Maria's remembrances flow quickly and smoothly from the brutality and acceptance on the streets as a boy to her rise as Pakistan's number one female squash player previously unknown for a Pashtun woman. In a contest of wills with the terrorists who threaten her life she struggles to survive and play the game she loves only to be forced to flee. "Winning against impossible odds, taking one hit after another" but fueled by the love of her family and the strength of the father she calls "my home", Maria never gives up whether facing the violence of bullies, drug addicts or the terrorism of killers who prey on the vulnerable, only to find safety, a cause and a rescuer in Canada's Jonathan Powell, the world's top squash player.)
11. How does Maria compare to Malala in terms of changing lives in Pakistan?
Sporting equivalent of the female activist Malala the Pakistani female activist
12. It is that “boyish” aspect of the story that transcends simply Pakistan and deals with gender issues the world over. I would have liked to have known more about her gender identity. It is all very vague. Do you think Maria is a potential transgender and have started showing signs of her gender disorder from very early age?
(Look at Serena Williams, who has been called too manly and not a real woman simply because she is a physical powerhouse. Or the Olympic swimmers who were judged on their appearance as opposed to their medals. Toorpaki’s chronicle about reactions to her post weight lifting appearance as well as her squash ability deal with issues like these. Today in the liberated West, we want our women athletes to be feminine to look like Swimsuit Issue model beauty instead of the physical powerhouse beauties they are. Even Toorpaki’s harassment by her fellow male students is something that we still see in the West – anyone else see that story about a male fan making his way onto the hotel floor where the US Women’s Soccer Team was staying?
It should be noted that it isn't uncommon for a female to live as a male in many areas throughout the region. In The Underground Girls of Afghanistan, Jenny Nordberg writes of the "bacha posh"--girls who are raised as boys and who live temporarily as males, enjoying the freedoms and rights that are known only to male citizens.
Of course, there is much about the Taliban and its impact upon Toorpaki when she becomes a target. This is even more powerful because Toorpaki drew unwanted attention when as a young girl, she assumed, for lack of a better word, a boy’s identity and name – Genghis Khan. The persecution by the Taliban is sadly just a contamination and speaks more for the need of support of people like Toorpaki’s parents then anything as well as highlighting the determination and bravery of the whole Toorpaki family. Furthermore, the struggle to get Toorpaki to safety also shows the strength of a community and community ties.)
13. Was anyone motivated to look Maria Toorpakai on the internet? Did you know she was David Muir’s Person of the week?
What do you think are the most important lessons a mother can teach her daughter in life before sending her out into a 'Mans' world.
I feel that parents should always make sure that their daughters and other children are very clearly told ‘we are here to support you.’ This often goes unsaid, but I often see that girls are afraid to speak up for their own rights. Letting your child know they are supported is very important. This is particularly pertinent in countries like Pakistan where you cannot return to your family once you are married. Knowing that they are your daughter and will always be that is, in my opinion, an important message.
Maria, your courage and determination is inspirational! Thank you for sharing your story! Do you have any advice for young girls wanting to play competitive sports?
I think all girls, no matter their age, should try sports. As many as possible and as young as possible. Sport is healthy for your brain, your body and it’s a great way to teach children how to cope with future struggles in life. Everyone has their own gift, and in order to find it, you have to try as many things as possible. So even if you think a sport isn’t for you, or that it’s not a sport for girls, try it anyway. You need to try to explore what your particular gift is. Don’t be afraid, there’s no right or wrong thing for you. Also, know that you are equally as good as men, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
How were you introduced to squash and what/who gave you the idea of disguising as a boy to continue your dreams?
Squash is a very popular sport in my country, like football in the UK. But to be honest, finding squash was accident, even a miracle really. I am from a very rural, tribal area in Pakistan, and sport is not something we had the opportunity to do. It wasn’t until we moved to Peshwar and I saw two kids playing squash that I even thought about playing. I thought it was such a beautiful game: constantly chasing, diving and hitting. You need lots of determination and strategy, it’s like an active version of chess.
Disguising as a boy in my early years in the tribal areas taught me to fight for my own rights and speak up. When I became a girl again to compete in squash, all those lessons I had already learned made me strong and confident. So pursuing a sporty life was easy.
As for living as a boy, the idea came from within me. I wanted to be like my brothers, free and unrestrained, playing marbles and flying kites. I burned my girly clothes while my parents and siblings were away from the house. I took the scissors and cut my hair, terribly. The fire was still burning when my dad came home. He saw it and the fire and was surprised, asking what I had done. I stood their stubbornly and he smiled. He took me to the barber to shave my head, bought me the boys’ clothes I said I wanted and gave me the name Ghengis Kahn.
What do you enjoy about playing, have you ever smashed into the wall and really hurt yourself and what do you think can be done to encourage women or other children to take it up? I had a few sessions with the coach but it ended because no one else was very interested. I think it's such a good sport for all round fitness (plus all weather) so it was a real shame!
I recently hurt on my eyebrow with a racket. My racket bounced off an opponent’s shoulder and cut me quite badly. But when I was young and didn’t play sport, I was out wrestling with boys, and once had a brick smashed over my head, requiring 15 stitched. As a professional player, I get injured quite regularly, though nothing like a brick. But life is about taking risks, and it’s fun to go all out and be courageous and strong. These things don’t matter in the scheme of things, the pursuit of being the best means these things will happen. As the saying goes, beautiful flowers grow in thorns, and a little adversity makes you strong. I see no point in a soft life personally.
Squash is a very dear sport to me as I truly because it saved my life. Not only did it improve my health and athleticism, it also improved me as a person. Inside a squash court I can feel all the parts of my life, joy and frustration, coming together and I can see how life works more clearly. I’m quite a spiritual person now because of squash – it’s taught me how to deal with real life outside of the court. For this reason, young children should be encouraged to play. It is an indoor sport that is safe and secure, lets them get healthy and strive for excellence and also teaches them life skills.
Did you know of any other girls growing up who shared the same experience as you?
I believe everyone has a wonderful story from within them, and I know of many incredible women from my area of the world and beyond. But sadly, not all these stories will be heard. The exceptions are people like Malala and myself. There are so many other courageous girls in my area, but some fell early in the journey. They made sacrifices for their families and got married. Women are so courageous to me, how much love and sacrifice they make for family.
It is my family that allowed me to continue my journey, so that I am now at this point telling it. So many women don’t get that chance. More family support like the kind I experienced could stop more women from falling and more amazing stories being told and lived.
Are you and your family still living in Canada? I'm wondering how and your family found the transition of moving from Pakistan to a western country? Can you ever imagine living back in Pakistan?
My family still live in Peshwar. However, my high profile in Pakistan made me a target for the Taliban and so I moved to Canada so I could continue training and keep myself and my family safe. Coming from the most dangerous part of the world, famous for terrorism and talibanisation, I was really scared how people would react to a person from this area. The beautiful thing is that they never asked about my reiligion or background. All they asked was what I needed. The love they gave me changed me and made me a more open person. I call them my family and friends now, and I advocate for them in Pakistan too, trying to break down barriers of ignorance with my experience of a different kind of people.
I'd love to know how you came to write the book and how difficult you found it to write. Also can you tell us whether you've read any other inspirational memoirs and (last question) who has most inspired you in the world of sport?
I always find it very hard to speak about my life, as it takes me back to those bad memories. But I feel it is also very important to share this experience and the lessons from it. I am concerned where the world is going: I have seen many bad things happen to people, girls in particular. All I want is peace and understanding between people. I hope to connect people, wherever they are, East or West. And I want to do this through sports, something that is able to connect people in such an incredible way.
Unfortunately, I’m too busy playing and working on my world ranking (number 1 in Pakistan, number 50 worldwide) to reach very much for pleasure. I am however still pursuing further education, and I really like learning new things like painting and singing. But I can’t wait to discover more when I have more time to dedicate to reading and leisure time.
These are the ideas and questions that I used:
1. Did the book remind you of any other memoirs or biographies you've read?
2. Does anyone know when the story took place? How old is Maria today?
She was born Nov 22, 1990 in South Waziristan, a tribal region in NW Pakistan bordering Afghanistan- She is 27 years old.
3. Memoirs can be written for a variety of different purposes, such as clearing up a misconceived notion, gaining fame and notoriety or promoting something. What category does this book fall into?
4. Do you believe Maria’s story or is she profiting by exaggerating the facts? Were there any instances in which you felt the author was not being truthful? How did you react to these sections?
5. The book describes many journeys, let’s talk about some of the journeys of Maria Toorpakai. (Vivid detail about her journey to become her best self.)
6. Maria’s parents are extraordinary. How did their life differ from most Pakistani tribal people?
(It is true that the book is partial hero worship to her parents, and it is hard not to see why. By her own admission, Toorpaki was not a traditional daughter
Toorpaki’s father, Shams, is a man from a family of rank but he is not a traditional son. While he is a devout Muslim, he is not conservative in matters of religion. He believes in education for all his children, and more importantly, acknowledges his wife as his equal (if not ruler). In an arranged marriage, Shams, as Toorpaki notes, gives his wife the gift of finishing her education and even supporting her in manners that even Western men would balk at, even as he teaches. Toorpaki’s mother isn’t less remarkable, rising to a prominent educational position and facing death by a belief in educating girls. Additionally, both parents raise their children (two girls, three boys) to be contributing members of society, educating not just their girls, but their boys as well. Teaching among the many lessons that all people should be accorded respect and that we should never stop learning (or even teaching). Her parents are remarkedly progressive as members of a tribal culture, the Sunnis. Her mother goes back to school to become an educator leaving her daughter home from school tending to the young twin brothers. I found this odd but maybe it's a cultural thing. Then Maria can't go to school as she dresses as a boy which is unacceptable. Eventually their tribe runs them off as too progressive and they begin a nomadic life.
Her mother works for the government setting up girl schools which are continually bombed out. She recruits girls from all over but still, oddly to me, not to Maria who is left at home to tend the babies, cook, and clean house. The older daughter does go to school and is a remarkable student. The father is an university professor of auto mechanics and even helps out with chores. Everyone in the house is treated as an equal no matter their sex.
7. Did anyone find Maria to be self centered?
( She expects the family to revolve her and it does. Her older sister is brilliant and has gone on to be a famous Pakistani politician. But everything centers around Maria, getting her to practices in spite of terrible dangers, going without meat for a month so she can fly to a tournament in Malaysia, her brother giving up his studying time to bodyguard her. It just goes on and on. She seems to have no real idea how much danger she places her family in when she makes some extremely dangerous decisions. She also seems to have no real appreciation of the sacrifices they make for her. After all, she wants it and that seems to be all that matters. And they never even get to see her play squash as everything has gone to her.)
8. Maria didn't share how she felt? There is very little about her feelings and emotions.
(the story dwelled around the expectations of the country, people and her family; where are the insights into who she is and why she is.
9. What did the story reveal about life in Pakistan? South Waziriatn and the adjacent regions are known as the lawless areas. What does this mean in terms of the women?
(Local judiciar (elders make decisions) Near border of Afghanistan Their are horrible stories of what is done to women. The constant violence becomes a nuisance as the family tries to live a normal life.
10. Did anyone find this a difficult read? What are some of the challenges Maria Toorpakai faced?,What are some of the challenges that Maria faced growing up in Wazirastan?
Warning: this is a difficult read. The literary flow is excellent, but the subject matter and conversations can be brutal. Genghis observes torture, death by stoning, beatings- to name just a few. )
(Subjugation of women is explained.Set against the political turbulence in Pakistan after the American war on terrorism in Afghanistan, to the re- emergence and violence of the Taliban who enforce a dark age on women's rights through fear and murder, Maria's remembrances flow quickly and smoothly from the brutality and acceptance on the streets as a boy to her rise as Pakistan's number one female squash player previously unknown for a Pashtun woman. In a contest of wills with the terrorists who threaten her life she struggles to survive and play the game she loves only to be forced to flee. "Winning against impossible odds, taking one hit after another" but fueled by the love of her family and the strength of the father she calls "my home", Maria never gives up whether facing the violence of bullies, drug addicts or the terrorism of killers who prey on the vulnerable, only to find safety, a cause and a rescuer in Canada's Jonathan Powell, the world's top squash player.)
11. How does Maria compare to Malala in terms of changing lives in Pakistan?
Sporting equivalent of the female activist Malala the Pakistani female activist
12. It is that “boyish” aspect of the story that transcends simply Pakistan and deals with gender issues the world over. I would have liked to have known more about her gender identity. It is all very vague. Do you think Maria is a potential transgender and have started showing signs of her gender disorder from very early age?
(Look at Serena Williams, who has been called too manly and not a real woman simply because she is a physical powerhouse. Or the Olympic swimmers who were judged on their appearance as opposed to their medals. Toorpaki’s chronicle about reactions to her post weight lifting appearance as well as her squash ability deal with issues like these. Today in the liberated West, we want our women athletes to be feminine to look like Swimsuit Issue model beauty instead of the physical powerhouse beauties they are. Even Toorpaki’s harassment by her fellow male students is something that we still see in the West – anyone else see that story about a male fan making his way onto the hotel floor where the US Women’s Soccer Team was staying?
It should be noted that it isn't uncommon for a female to live as a male in many areas throughout the region. In The Underground Girls of Afghanistan, Jenny Nordberg writes of the "bacha posh"--girls who are raised as boys and who live temporarily as males, enjoying the freedoms and rights that are known only to male citizens.
Of course, there is much about the Taliban and its impact upon Toorpaki when she becomes a target. This is even more powerful because Toorpaki drew unwanted attention when as a young girl, she assumed, for lack of a better word, a boy’s identity and name – Genghis Khan. The persecution by the Taliban is sadly just a contamination and speaks more for the need of support of people like Toorpaki’s parents then anything as well as highlighting the determination and bravery of the whole Toorpaki family. Furthermore, the struggle to get Toorpaki to safety also shows the strength of a community and community ties.)
13. Was anyone motivated to look Maria Toorpakai on the internet? Did you know she was David Muir’s Person of the week?
What do you think are the most important lessons a mother can teach her daughter in life before sending her out into a 'Mans' world.
I feel that parents should always make sure that their daughters and other children are very clearly told ‘we are here to support you.’ This often goes unsaid, but I often see that girls are afraid to speak up for their own rights. Letting your child know they are supported is very important. This is particularly pertinent in countries like Pakistan where you cannot return to your family once you are married. Knowing that they are your daughter and will always be that is, in my opinion, an important message.
Maria, your courage and determination is inspirational! Thank you for sharing your story! Do you have any advice for young girls wanting to play competitive sports?
I think all girls, no matter their age, should try sports. As many as possible and as young as possible. Sport is healthy for your brain, your body and it’s a great way to teach children how to cope with future struggles in life. Everyone has their own gift, and in order to find it, you have to try as many things as possible. So even if you think a sport isn’t for you, or that it’s not a sport for girls, try it anyway. You need to try to explore what your particular gift is. Don’t be afraid, there’s no right or wrong thing for you. Also, know that you are equally as good as men, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
How were you introduced to squash and what/who gave you the idea of disguising as a boy to continue your dreams?
Squash is a very popular sport in my country, like football in the UK. But to be honest, finding squash was accident, even a miracle really. I am from a very rural, tribal area in Pakistan, and sport is not something we had the opportunity to do. It wasn’t until we moved to Peshwar and I saw two kids playing squash that I even thought about playing. I thought it was such a beautiful game: constantly chasing, diving and hitting. You need lots of determination and strategy, it’s like an active version of chess.
Disguising as a boy in my early years in the tribal areas taught me to fight for my own rights and speak up. When I became a girl again to compete in squash, all those lessons I had already learned made me strong and confident. So pursuing a sporty life was easy.
As for living as a boy, the idea came from within me. I wanted to be like my brothers, free and unrestrained, playing marbles and flying kites. I burned my girly clothes while my parents and siblings were away from the house. I took the scissors and cut my hair, terribly. The fire was still burning when my dad came home. He saw it and the fire and was surprised, asking what I had done. I stood their stubbornly and he smiled. He took me to the barber to shave my head, bought me the boys’ clothes I said I wanted and gave me the name Ghengis Kahn.
What do you enjoy about playing, have you ever smashed into the wall and really hurt yourself and what do you think can be done to encourage women or other children to take it up? I had a few sessions with the coach but it ended because no one else was very interested. I think it's such a good sport for all round fitness (plus all weather) so it was a real shame!
I recently hurt on my eyebrow with a racket. My racket bounced off an opponent’s shoulder and cut me quite badly. But when I was young and didn’t play sport, I was out wrestling with boys, and once had a brick smashed over my head, requiring 15 stitched. As a professional player, I get injured quite regularly, though nothing like a brick. But life is about taking risks, and it’s fun to go all out and be courageous and strong. These things don’t matter in the scheme of things, the pursuit of being the best means these things will happen. As the saying goes, beautiful flowers grow in thorns, and a little adversity makes you strong. I see no point in a soft life personally.
Squash is a very dear sport to me as I truly because it saved my life. Not only did it improve my health and athleticism, it also improved me as a person. Inside a squash court I can feel all the parts of my life, joy and frustration, coming together and I can see how life works more clearly. I’m quite a spiritual person now because of squash – it’s taught me how to deal with real life outside of the court. For this reason, young children should be encouraged to play. It is an indoor sport that is safe and secure, lets them get healthy and strive for excellence and also teaches them life skills.
Did you know of any other girls growing up who shared the same experience as you?
I believe everyone has a wonderful story from within them, and I know of many incredible women from my area of the world and beyond. But sadly, not all these stories will be heard. The exceptions are people like Malala and myself. There are so many other courageous girls in my area, but some fell early in the journey. They made sacrifices for their families and got married. Women are so courageous to me, how much love and sacrifice they make for family.
It is my family that allowed me to continue my journey, so that I am now at this point telling it. So many women don’t get that chance. More family support like the kind I experienced could stop more women from falling and more amazing stories being told and lived.
Are you and your family still living in Canada? I'm wondering how and your family found the transition of moving from Pakistan to a western country? Can you ever imagine living back in Pakistan?
My family still live in Peshwar. However, my high profile in Pakistan made me a target for the Taliban and so I moved to Canada so I could continue training and keep myself and my family safe. Coming from the most dangerous part of the world, famous for terrorism and talibanisation, I was really scared how people would react to a person from this area. The beautiful thing is that they never asked about my reiligion or background. All they asked was what I needed. The love they gave me changed me and made me a more open person. I call them my family and friends now, and I advocate for them in Pakistan too, trying to break down barriers of ignorance with my experience of a different kind of people.
I'd love to know how you came to write the book and how difficult you found it to write. Also can you tell us whether you've read any other inspirational memoirs and (last question) who has most inspired you in the world of sport?
I always find it very hard to speak about my life, as it takes me back to those bad memories. But I feel it is also very important to share this experience and the lessons from it. I am concerned where the world is going: I have seen many bad things happen to people, girls in particular. All I want is peace and understanding between people. I hope to connect people, wherever they are, East or West. And I want to do this through sports, something that is able to connect people in such an incredible way.
Unfortunately, I’m too busy playing and working on my world ranking (number 1 in Pakistan, number 50 worldwide) to reach very much for pleasure. I am however still pursuing further education, and I really like learning new things like painting and singing. But I can’t wait to discover more when I have more time to dedicate to reading and leisure time.
June 6, 2018
Very unusual book about a very unusual girl. Add to the mix exceptional parents living in the shadow of the Taliban. Then blend together being bullied and a fierce determination to win at all costs. This will bring you to Maria Toorpakai.
Her extraordinary physical skill and courage make her larger than life. So many people brought up in the USA are the first in line to denigrate this country. Go over to Maria's part of the world and you'll see what real hardship is.
This was hardly a "fun" book but a worthwhile read, courtesy of my book club.
Really took me beyond my comfort zone.
Her extraordinary physical skill and courage make her larger than life. So many people brought up in the USA are the first in line to denigrate this country. Go over to Maria's part of the world and you'll see what real hardship is.
This was hardly a "fun" book but a worthwhile read, courtesy of my book club.
Really took me beyond my comfort zone.
December 26, 2017
Torn between 4 and 5 stars on this one so I'll give it a 4.5. What a story... actually, what a family! Amazing people...
May 20, 2018
This was a bookclub book. I actually enjoyed this book very much.
July 19, 2023
Truly an incredible story. I wish the narration pace was faster.
May 15, 2018
It was interesting and inspiring. I loved the family dynamic and how each family member was so supportive of Maria.
August 22, 2022
A really good account of Maria's life. We don't know how lucky we are or appreciate nearly enough of what we have.
Well written and frightening in parts. Well worth the read.
Well written and frightening in parts. Well worth the read.
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