Poorly written
Intriguing plot with great possibilities, but the book reads as if the target audience is under eighteen, or even younger. If you enjoy careful, well-crafted writing in addition to an engaging story, this book will most likely disappoint. I’m not sure how I managed to finish it. I’ll probably avoid this author going forward.
EXPLANATION:
It seems to me that the characters, as well as the narrator, all have basically the same voice. In fact, I can’t recall anything consistently unique about any of their voices. A well-crafted story includes characters who are as distinct, varied, and unique as the people in our everyday lives, not flat, homogeneous ones. The story also lacks character development; nobody grows or changes significantly.
Mr. Walsh employs boring, limited, and repetitive word choices. This novel also contains many obvious punctuation errors; the same ones are repeated over and over. For example, he often joins two complete sentences with a comma (known as a comma splice, which my high school English teachers penalized severely), along with repeated faulty hyphenation of number-related phrases like “two-dozen” widgets. Also prominent are several recurring usage errors, such as the use of “bring” instead of “take”. These issues occur regardless of which character is speaking or thinking, and even in the omniscient narrator’s voice, which usually is neutral. These are basic problems, folks.
Dangling modifiers create odd and often humorous pictures in my mind— thanks for the smiles, Dan! I usually get a kick out of dangling modifiers. Causing mild confusion and sometimes requiring backtracking, vague pronoun references appear often. A particularly funny one is the following: “Boyd stuck out his hand. ‘I owe you my life, Jack.’ After shaking it, Jack thought about what happened....” I know “it” is supposed to refer to Boyd’s hand, yet I can’t help but wonder, how does one shake another’s life?
Yes, this is “only” fiction, but that doesn’t mean such sloppiness is beneficial to the story, or an author’s legacy as a writer, for that matter. Dan, please brush up on your skills. On the other hand, if your goal is only to produce pulp fiction and a buck, never mind.
I have run in to many novels like this on Kindle over the years, which is disappointing, but this is one of the worst. I suppose that’s why this review reads like a rant. (Sorry you get the brunt of it, Dan.) The book could be so much better if the author would simply hone his skills as a craftsman or musician does, or perhaps if he would collaborate with more skilled storytellers and editors, similar to the way people in the music and movie industries collaborate.