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Kids Are Turds: Brutally Honest Humor for the Pooped-Out Parent
When do you know for sure that you’ve become a parent? For Jenny Schoberl, it wasn’t when a human fell out of her lady parts or the first time her baby said “Mama.” It was when she found herself, a grown woman, hiding in the bathroom to eat a candy bar, just so she didn’t have to share.
Parenthood changes people’s lives in horrifying and inevitable ways. No matter how hard you resist, you soon find yourself being that parent far too often to deny it. It won’t be long before mom jeans and minivans are calling your name.
Discussing bowel movements over dinner? Guilty. Peeing with an audience? Check. Grocery shopping alone? Sounds like a tropical vacation! Watching cartoons hours after the kids have gone to bed? Now your only hobby!
What do you do when motherhood turns you into someone you hardly recognize? When you open your mouth and, holy hell, your mother comes out?
Kids Are Turds proves that you don’t need to be Super-Mom to be a “good” mom (whatever that is), but you absolutely do need a sense of humor to get through the hard days. Either that, or you can give in, yank up your mom jeans, and rock a mile-long camel toe. So for the love of retinas everywhere, be strong!
Parenthood changes people’s lives in horrifying and inevitable ways. No matter how hard you resist, you soon find yourself being that parent far too often to deny it. It won’t be long before mom jeans and minivans are calling your name.
Discussing bowel movements over dinner? Guilty. Peeing with an audience? Check. Grocery shopping alone? Sounds like a tropical vacation! Watching cartoons hours after the kids have gone to bed? Now your only hobby!
What do you do when motherhood turns you into someone you hardly recognize? When you open your mouth and, holy hell, your mother comes out?
Kids Are Turds proves that you don’t need to be Super-Mom to be a “good” mom (whatever that is), but you absolutely do need a sense of humor to get through the hard days. Either that, or you can give in, yank up your mom jeans, and rock a mile-long camel toe. So for the love of retinas everywhere, be strong!
- GenresHumorParentingNonfiction
206 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 5, 2016
106 people are currently reading
531 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
October 8, 2021
God like book my child is god and turd like aw some book🔥🥵🔥🥶😏
April 10, 2016
This book is so funny and relatable! Have you ever hidden from your kids because their superhero hearing heard that candy bar wrapper through the tv blaring from upstairs with their door closed? Yeah.. This puts parenthood into terms I could relate to. I laughed so hard!!! Funniest parenting book ever! Definitely worth the read!
May 22, 2018
This book is not for first time parents whose children are younger than 2. That’s just my opinion. It’s also not for those who don’t like crass humour and/or searing. I’m actually one of those people which is why the book is not rated higher. I like to laugh about parenting too but I can do without all the constant crass and un feminine words and the constant poop talk.
However if that’s more your style, I’m sure you’ll find the book extremely hilarious. The stories are funny and relatable (since I have 4 kids at home.)
Here are some story titles:
MINE is a 4-letter word
How My Vagina Birthed a Nudist Colony
I Hope You Step on a Lego
One Bin of Baby Sh&t Away From an Episode of Hoarders
Oh My God, I AM My Parents!
Unless You Are Dying, Do NOT Bleed on My Carpet
The Poo Whisperer
If you have multiple kids you can probably relate with some of those. Unfortunately those are the nicer titles. The book is a bit too crass for me.
However if that’s more your style, I’m sure you’ll find the book extremely hilarious. The stories are funny and relatable (since I have 4 kids at home.)
Here are some story titles:
MINE is a 4-letter word
How My Vagina Birthed a Nudist Colony
I Hope You Step on a Lego
One Bin of Baby Sh&t Away From an Episode of Hoarders
Oh My God, I AM My Parents!
Unless You Are Dying, Do NOT Bleed on My Carpet
The Poo Whisperer
If you have multiple kids you can probably relate with some of those. Unfortunately those are the nicer titles. The book is a bit too crass for me.
August 1, 2020
This book is laugh out loud funny! Yes, there is swearing but if you're a parent you can't tell me there aren't a few times that you've at least thought a swear word or two... Who should read this book.. Parents that have allowed their kids to survive to their teens (a whole other book needs to be written to cover this stage!) New parents so they have an idea of what they've signed on for.. and those who are newly expecting or are thinking about having one or two of the little darlings.. a bit of advice here.. don't listen to your friends when seeking advice on what that's like to have them.. they lie.. they lull you in to thinking it's all cupcakes, sunbeams and unicorns... lolol... it's not lolol I had three, all adults now, but oh boy.. what a ride!! And yes.. I have hidden while eating a candy bar or two...
April 21, 2025
** 1/2
I wanted this book to be funny. Having flipped through it before checking it out it appeared to have some interesting chapters. One third of the way through however and I was seriously wondering why this author felt the need to mention just how many times how she birthed two children from her va-jay jay, I would hazard a guess to say that every chapter made mention of this. Yes, there were chapters that are relatable to mothers especially mother's of boys but overall this book was mind numbing. A majority of what I read went in one ear and straight out the other.
I wanted this book to be funny. Having flipped through it before checking it out it appeared to have some interesting chapters. One third of the way through however and I was seriously wondering why this author felt the need to mention just how many times how she birthed two children from her va-jay jay, I would hazard a guess to say that every chapter made mention of this. Yes, there were chapters that are relatable to mothers especially mother's of boys but overall this book was mind numbing. A majority of what I read went in one ear and straight out the other.
August 7, 2020
Told by a mom with two boys. She worked most of her life until the kids were born. She tells of all the issues with having babies and what woman go thru raising them. All to the truth be told they love their kids and some do the same as their mom did to them growing up.
June 5, 2020
Looking for humor spending time with family in quarantine? This book makes the fatal flaw of thinking that curse-laden complaining is comedy, leaving it completely devoid of value or comedy.
March 24, 2017
My daughter asked me the other day what I was reading.
"A book I should not have started," I answered.
I mean it, and I will tell you the same answer if you are asking about a humourous book on parenting.
And in case you want to find a better (much much much better) one, listen.
I would recommend Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed by Glennon Doyle Melton.
"A book I should not have started," I answered.
I mean it, and I will tell you the same answer if you are asking about a humourous book on parenting.
And in case you want to find a better (much much much better) one, listen.
I would recommend Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed by Glennon Doyle Melton.
Want to read
July 23, 2016How true,how true...
July 2, 2016
remind me again why people choose to have kids?!
April 7, 2017
Interesting read about kids. Definitely can relate to the stories. A good read.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews