Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction

by Mark R. Laaser

Dr. Laaser offers a path for those who struggle with sexual addiction that leads beyond compulsive thoughts and behaviors. He gives practical help for everyone on maintaining sexual integrity, self-control, and wholesome, biblical sexuality.

Genres: Counselling, Psychology, Addiction, Sexuality, Christian, Christianity, Nonfiction

240 pages, Paperback

First published July 9, 2004

About the author

Mark is the President and Director of Faithful & True and the host of The Men of Valor Program, Faithful & True's online radio show. Dr. Laaser is nationally recognized as the leading authority in the field of sexual addiction with over 27 years of recovery experience. Mark has written a dozen books on the subject of sexual addiction, including his groundbreaking book, Healing The Wounds of Sexual Addiction, and his 3-book Men of Valor series. Dr. Laaser lectures around the world and teaches at colleges, universities, religious organizations and treatment centers. He holds a Ph.D. from the University of Iowa and a Divinity Degree from Princeton Theological Seminary.

Reviews

[David Clouse · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn’t agree with every theory, conclusion, or explanation the author presented throughout the book, but it’s a great starting place for a greater understanding on the topic. This is also a great resource for someone who may personally struggle with this. The book usually centers more around extremes that people may experience, but even if your personal life seems minor, the principles and information throughout will be very helpful.

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sexual addiction is a deep dark secret that can stay in the shadows unnoticed and at the same time be devastating multiple lives. It is far more prevalent than people think, especially in the church. This book is written for the church. It’s time for the church to recognize and acknowledge this issue and deal with it openly and swiftly.
Laaser does a nice job explaining who a sex addict is, why they are a SA and what that road looks leading into addiction and out of addiction. He is very honest about his own journey of SA and how he and his wife healed from this.
Much of the why and how of SA is similar to people who have substance use disorder and much of the tools used in the 12 Steps of AA are also used in recovery for the SA.
There is excellent information on how a congregation should address SA within the church both for the perpetrator and victim. Good information is given on addressing pastoral SA.
Very readable material for anyone to read.

[Kate Finn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Super practical, in depth, culturally tone deaf at parts but it was published in 2004 which is somehow over 20 years ago?! Anyway, it also provides helpful awareness around stats that show sex addicts have often been abused or come from rigidly religious homes.

[Seth Gibson]

I feel there are some very helpful words in this book. In general, the acknowledgement of sexual addiction and the widespread reality of the problem is both alarming and strangely settling. To understand sin as pervasive is a call to the action. To know that sin is not a unique condition is grace. I hate the word sin, not because I have hated evil as much as I should, but because the word feels archaic in today's world. Maybe that has always been the case, though the original Greek word was hamartia and chata the Hebrew word before that. I hear 'sin' and I want to roll my eyes because I feel hypocrisy from those of us who have spoken this word. But no, there are less subtly passing terms like: codependency, enmeshment, family-of-origin, sexual anorexia, mind rape, dissociate, spiritual abuse, emotional incest and so forth that are based in the field of psychology. I am left with the impression that I need to form or otherwise come into community with fellow addicts and that is the effectiveness of Dr. Laaser's career efforts. As an aside, and to further press his point, I viewed a graphic once in which the most visited sites on the internet included several porn sites among the likes of Google, YouTube, Facebook, etc. That is how remarkably pervasive perversion exists in our world. That path where healthy sexuality refrains from veering into wrong behavior is a daunting journey for anyone. As an addict, I have not walked well but a sense of hopefulness is in this reading.


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[Luke Merrick · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent and in depth study into the roots of sexual addiction, how to diagnosis it, how to find healing and eventually recover.

I was immediately struck by the seriousness of Laaser's tone, and for good reason - sexual addiction holds within it the same consequences to gambling or drug addictions. in understanding sexual addiction in this way I find myself at once sad that so many people live their lives in despair and depression and at the same time anger that the church has not done enough to bring these kinds of things to light. Too often christian authors goad us into praying our sins away, however Laaser brings a genuine and honest perspective to recovery; "The Spirit works with medicine and science if we are open to the Lord"

This book is a must read for those struggling with sexual addiction and especially to those that know somebody who does. It is easy to vilify sexual offenders and addicts, however, compassion comes in truly understanding the causes and realities involved.

Hope is a reoccurring theme, in that healing can take place if we are open to it.

[Fernando González · Rating 5 out of 5]

Este libro llegó a mis manos por la gracia de Dios y terminó arrojando luz y entendimiento a alguien que estaba totalmente inconsciente de su padecimiento. Definitivamente es el libro más completo con respecto al tema ya que abarca lo que es la enfermedad en todas sus vertientes y ofrece un planteamiento desde el punto de vista médico y el Espiritual.

Aquí está la realidad de una condición existente, no mencionada y poco tratada en un mundo lleno de mentiras. Todo desde la pluma de un hombre restaurado por Dios.

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the best book I’ve read by Dr. Mark Laaser and I would put it in my top 3 books on the topic. He provides a great (almost too cold and sterile) overview of what sexual addiction is and where it originates. I personally found a lot of value in the sections on abuse and how abuse plays into sexual addiction. The other section that was very helpful for me was the Healing for Couples chapter. Laaser offers great encouragement while providing incredibly practical steps that couples walking through recovery together can take advantage of.

[Havebooks Willread · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sometimes I fall into a hole of trying to understand people and the way our minds work and this is a sin and stronghold for entirely too many people. A part of me wants to stick my head in the sand on this subject, and another part of me wants to understand more and be equipped to help both those entrenched in this addiction and those who love someone caught in this struggle because this epidemic is not God's best.

This book did help me understand more the nature of sexual addiction and some of the contributors that set someone up to be disposed to it. The roles played in families of origin were especially interesting to me as was the portrait of healthy family dynamics as opposed to unhealthy family dynamics. I was saddened by the high rate of sexual addiction among professing christians and found this author's explanation of contributing causes to the situation interesting and sad at the same time. I was glad he had a section specifically geared to this demographic, and church leaders, as well as to healing the wounds of the church at large when leaders succumb to this temptation.

I borrowed this book from a library and would like to buy a copy for my own personal library to reference back to, particularly his examination of the story of Nehemiah as a blueprint for establishing accountability and rebuilding lives.

I have read in other books and heard from people that shame plays a large part in this addiction, so found his advice for sex addicts to "make a point of associating with people who affirm them and avoid people, including family members, who only tell them shaming messages. . .often support groups function like a church would. They become the healthy community that addicts need to experience grace" (155).

I appreciated his delineation between healthy and unhealthy ways of staying in relationship with someone in recovery: "Codependents surrender to and serve their partners out of weakness. They are afraid to be alone and feel needy. Healthy partners surrender to and serve their partners out of strength. They are secure in themselves and know they could be alone. They choose to be in a relationship" (172). Couple's Personal Inventory: "First on a daily basis and later on a weekly basis, couples take fifteen minutes by themselves and make two lists. One is entitled "the things you did today (or this week) that were helpful to me or to our relationship." The second list is "The things I did that were not helpful to you or to our relationship." The couple then exchanges lists. They ask questions for clarification, but they are not to add to each other's lists. This exercise forces the couple to stop blaming each other, to take responsibility for their own behavior, to affirm their partner, and to start educating each other on what they like. The partner must realize that he or she is not responsible for the sexual sobriety of the addict. Sex addicts are responsible for their own recovery and for setting their own boundaries. They must be responsible for their own behavior if they are to recover" (174).

"Three unhealthy rules are: we don't talk, we don't feel, and we blame others for our problems" (209). "Dysfunctional churches are not places of healing. If the church is to offer help for sexual addiction, it must begin by talking and feeling. I have often said, the greatest enemy of sexual health is silence" (210). Thoughts I'm still pondering--where is the balance?

Overall, I am glad to have read it and think I would benefit from re-reading this one.

[Juniper Danielsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ironically, this book was given to me by a friend/coworker who'd brutally use my history of addiction as leverage in an (attempt) to human traffic me the very same day I finished it. The realization that while even tho recovered from this crippling addiction, it still follows me. I found myself oddly grateful that what was ment to be a twisted betrayal was actually a validation in progress, acknowledging that if id been put in this same position a couple years ago-- I may not have cared enough to fear or fight it. The man who gave me this book did so in an attempt to groom and manipulate me into trusting him. What he didn't realize is that the reason I trusted him with my story was because (unbeknownst to me) my shame if addiction has healed immensely, my self respect and self esteem has strengthened slowly but surely and my past abuse, actions and addictions no longer control me because i made the deliberate choice 2 years ago to take accountability. Sex addiction is very real. As is stated in the text, not just for men, but for women too. Likewise, as a woman, it is substantially more dangerous to succumb to than it is for men, because it is fetishized and horrifically praised by the bulk of Western society. It is more difficult to ask for help and be taken seriously as a woman with sex addiction. Books like this that acknowledge so much more on the subject than most are willing to discuss so openly can help you understand yourself, forgive yourself, and save yourself from a future marred with trauma, guilt and shame. It's never too late to heal. You're never too far gone to save. And there is never a bad time to ask for help. This book is help. Please read it.

[Tatiana · Rating 1 out of 5]

Chapter 1 begins with a story about a pastor who is married and successful, "appearing to be a normal family man." It then goes on to tell the rest of his story, which, as you guessed it, reveals that he is gay. What a disgusting way to say that "homosexuality is a sex addiction" by changing the wording to "engages in sex with men." This is typical of white American Christian men's writing, and it is so poorly written that it is cringeworthy to even read. Also, sin causes shame and leads to death??? Literally, everything leads to death. I think Wikipedia can teach you more.

ALSO, EVERYONE MASTURBATES.

[Channing Hardy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly the best, most comprehensive publication on possibly the most addictive behavior experienced by man; lust. I've read all of the popular titles including those who poorly introduce the 12-step process that they believe is the cure-all to everything that is bad for us. I'm drawn back to Laasar's work again and again as it chooses to focus on the biological roots of this epidemic issue instead of the behaviorist view which may lead to management but not recovery from the addiction.

[Dillon Reinkensmeyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, something I will have to return to again multiple times. This book covers a wide range of important issues and gives them the proper weight. I am sure that we all know a few sex addicts in our own lives that are putting on a facade. I pray that the Lord through his grace would allow us to see them as they are and offer them grace on their path to repentance, being clean, and being sober.

[Martie Rudd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great beginning for understanding and healing.

How can you fix what you don’t know is broken. You are treating the symptoms and not the illness. This book will help the addict to see the cause and let God do His work in their life. Dr. Laser provides a very healthy dose of Profound Certainty aka Hope.

[Ramón S. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mark R. Laser is a good disciple of Patrick Carnes and with a clear Christian perspective.
Sexual Addiction is not an easy issue and we need to deepen more and more about the roots and the healing but this book is a perfect advance in the study of a real pandemic reality in our society

[Lydia Klima · Rating 1 out of 5]

A bad book

I think the author still has a problem with sex addiction. He spends more time discussing sexual perversions than he does getting better, getting delivered. Don’t waste your money on this garbage.

[Patrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very educational.

[Rebecca (booksandbreggs) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book for one of my college classes. It was very informative, and I learned a lot about the life of someone struggling with sexual addiction. A good read if you are a Christian Counselor.

[Rebecca Trent · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I’ve read pertaining to my education as a counselor. So much insight and from a first hand point of view.

[Blake Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good, vocab is key ! Recommend.

[Demanuel Guice · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is very informative and is theologically backed, but it just doesn’t flow well. It seems a bit repetitive but overall it is a good resource for anyone looking to overcome addiction.

[Joan Pena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Es muy fácil conectar con el libro debido a los ejemplos de personas lo cual te hace sentir identificado. Es muy bíblico y te ayuda a entender un poco más tu mundo interior.

[Sarah Hubbard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laaser truly understands the complex realm of sexual addiction. His book is filled with compassion and helpful insights for dealing with this beast that has become so rampant in our society.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Being Christian confers no immunity from sexual addiction. Encourages sufferers to face their circumstances and to heal.

[Steph Cherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an intense, healing view on the subject. It’s a great tool for therapists.

[Eben Gardner]

Good book. Delves into the psychology of addiction. This book doesn't replace the need for a therapist, but this book will show you how one can help!

[Sheri]

Required reading for school. Some good information - a little dated.

[Ambrogio · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a Christian book by and for Christians. Sexual addiction is the devil’s work, according to the author. As a non Christian I don’t recommend this book

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is some good information in this book. It is way too religious for my taste, however.

[Zoey Holder · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read it for a class, and it was surprisingly good

[Doug · Rating 4 out of 5]

Laaser has done a good job of writing an overview of the issues related to sexual addiction from many different angles. This book is accessible for the lay person as opposed to being more clinical (as "Out of the Shadows" for instance). The many aspects Laaser addresses include the wounded and abusive roots of addiction, family dysfunction, treatment, co-addiction and co-dependency, and confronting an addict. There is a section on churches and clergy which make this book a much needed and valuable resource on their own.