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The Choices We Made: Twenty-Five Women and Men Speak Out About Abortion
Provides a podium for the many well-known women who have shared their experiences with abortion, at recent pro-choice marches and rallies, exploring their personal views from the days before Roe v. Wade to the present
201 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1991
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
January 25, 2009
Powerful and varied stories. Even after doing a lot of work in this field, I don't think I had fully realized, until I read Grace Paley's story about a friend who died, that women had--and still have--a hard time getting treated for spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) in many hospitals and doctors' offices because of a reluctance to do anything even resembling abortion. Having just read Frances Moore Lappe's book "Getting a Grip" and then this one, I like her suggestion that we substitute "pro-conscience" for the term "pro-choice."
July 2, 2022
This was a timely, and difficult book for me to read. I knew going in that I would most likely read about situations that are well beyond my personal experience. I tried very hard to read without judgement, as women, and men, shared heart-wrenching stories.
I would have preferred that the book would have been more well-rounded- including stories of women who found themselves in similar situations, but had made different choices. But I also understand that wasn't the point of this book. So, I get it.
And while several of the women mentioned God or religion, it was hard for me to observe that they didn't seem to know the loving God I know. I would have liked to read about how Jesus can bring redemption and beauty in the midst of darkness and heartache. Because He can and He does.
But I still gave book 4 stars because I was very moved by the honesty with which the men and women shared their experiences.
I would have preferred that the book would have been more well-rounded- including stories of women who found themselves in similar situations, but had made different choices. But I also understand that wasn't the point of this book. So, I get it.
And while several of the women mentioned God or religion, it was hard for me to observe that they didn't seem to know the loving God I know. I would have liked to read about how Jesus can bring redemption and beauty in the midst of darkness and heartache. Because He can and He does.
But I still gave book 4 stars because I was very moved by the honesty with which the men and women shared their experiences.
May 2, 2020
I’ve reached out to the author and thanked her for reaching out, talking to peoplx and writing this book. These conversations are vital; we must have them. There is no shame in having an abortion; our stories matter. All respect to the contributors in this book that not only shared their story but their name—it takes guts to put yourself out there! I know, because I’ve done it. Some of the stories here also touch on the arguments that the anti-choice side makes—honing in the immense personal nature and how these situations are familiar to so many of us. Onward in the fight for a more just world for all peoplx! First step: empathy.
June 22, 2025
This 1991 book is split into 2 parts-- Illegal abortion (pre-Roe v. Wade) and when abortion was legalized. The first half was horrific, unsafe, traumatic.. There were also major differences in regard to experiences of rich v. poor. Someone should update this book post-Dobbs now that abortion is not protected across the U.S.-- back to unsafe abortions and major differences in experiences of the rich and poor. I read a library copy but might buy my own used copy (it's out of print) to circulate with friends.
September 5, 2020
The first hand accounts in this book were critical in the formation of my views on the right to choice. A must-read.
October 19, 2023
This book stunned me with its rawness and brutal honesty.
June 21, 2020
A quick read with many short stories. Of course this is from 1990 and many things have changed since then but it was still a good read.
November 22, 2018
Everyone ought to read pre-legalization narratives. There are still not enough first person accounts of abortion in the public conversation.
March 10, 2013
An excellent book with personal stories from women who have actually had abortions and the experience through their eyes. Not every story is one of those horror back alley butcher abortion stories which was a needed angle. It made the juxtaposition even greater between an abortion that was done poorly and an abortion that was done safely. It made me angry that anyone should have to go through an illegal dangerous abortion when there is a perfectly safe, painless, medical way to have an abortion.
Many stories brought up aspects/arguements I had never considered. One gentleman in particular raised an excellent view point. His mother had died during a botched illegal abortion when he was 4 years old. He goes on to tell a heartbreaking story of loss. However the conclusion he poses at the end of his story blew my mind even further open on the question of abortion. He states that what makes him angriest about everything is that everyone ignores the orphans of women who died because of illegal abortions. No one has ever attempted to figure out a statistic. He goes on to say, rightfully so, that both sides, pro-life and pro-choice ignore this population and issue.
Another point made that I loved, that I've used when arguing for separation of church and state was made by another contributor in regards to allowing the government to pass laws on women's reproductive rights. "Once you allow politicians to tell you you can't have [an abortion], those same politicians can turn around and say you must have one, or it can only be a boy, it can only have blue eyes, it can only be a girl, you can only have two, you can't have any." The point is it's a slippery slope where giving up one right can eventually lead to giving up all our rights.
Another woman addresses the fact that she had an abortion when she was young and went onto have 3 children later in life who would not exist if she had had to have that child when she was young and unprepared to do so. She directly addresses pro-lifers "goal" of saving the children and argues that since the one abortion lead to three healthy living children doesn't that accomplish their goals better than having only one child?
The Law of Averages is posed in regards to abortion. "...from the time a girl gets her period-mine started at eleven-all the way up to when she's menopausal, you're talking about 40 to 50 years of 12 times a year that you can get pregnant. If you multiply 12 months times 40 years, what is that, about 500 months? The law of averages says you're going to mess up sometime no matter how faithful you are." I have to agree, so many pro-lifers want to put forth the argument that if you're irresponsible then why should the fetus have to suffer for you lack of responsibility. But life happens, not everyone is perfect all the time, it's impossible to set that standard. So I turn that argument back, why should the woman have to suffer for being human and making an error or oversight?
A journalist writes an essay about his daughter who was walking home from and Independence Day celebration. A car approached her and two men jumped out grabbed her and forced her into the car. She was blindfolded driven to an unknown location and repeatedly beaten and raped over the course of the remainder of the evening. After the men were done with her they drove her to a park and shoved her beaten body out of the car and left her there. A few weeks later it was discovered she was pregnant. He addresses Senator Jesse Helms directly who was trying to outlaw abortion even in cases of rape or incest, why his daughter should have to go through the horror and mental anguish of bringing a baby that was created out of violence and violation to term. I have to wonder what kind of a cruel human being would actually expect that.
This book was chock full of excellent arguments for why abortion should be/needs to be legal not only for the safety and well being of women, but for men and children as well.
Many stories brought up aspects/arguements I had never considered. One gentleman in particular raised an excellent view point. His mother had died during a botched illegal abortion when he was 4 years old. He goes on to tell a heartbreaking story of loss. However the conclusion he poses at the end of his story blew my mind even further open on the question of abortion. He states that what makes him angriest about everything is that everyone ignores the orphans of women who died because of illegal abortions. No one has ever attempted to figure out a statistic. He goes on to say, rightfully so, that both sides, pro-life and pro-choice ignore this population and issue.
Another point made that I loved, that I've used when arguing for separation of church and state was made by another contributor in regards to allowing the government to pass laws on women's reproductive rights. "Once you allow politicians to tell you you can't have [an abortion], those same politicians can turn around and say you must have one, or it can only be a boy, it can only have blue eyes, it can only be a girl, you can only have two, you can't have any." The point is it's a slippery slope where giving up one right can eventually lead to giving up all our rights.
Another woman addresses the fact that she had an abortion when she was young and went onto have 3 children later in life who would not exist if she had had to have that child when she was young and unprepared to do so. She directly addresses pro-lifers "goal" of saving the children and argues that since the one abortion lead to three healthy living children doesn't that accomplish their goals better than having only one child?
The Law of Averages is posed in regards to abortion. "...from the time a girl gets her period-mine started at eleven-all the way up to when she's menopausal, you're talking about 40 to 50 years of 12 times a year that you can get pregnant. If you multiply 12 months times 40 years, what is that, about 500 months? The law of averages says you're going to mess up sometime no matter how faithful you are." I have to agree, so many pro-lifers want to put forth the argument that if you're irresponsible then why should the fetus have to suffer for you lack of responsibility. But life happens, not everyone is perfect all the time, it's impossible to set that standard. So I turn that argument back, why should the woman have to suffer for being human and making an error or oversight?
A journalist writes an essay about his daughter who was walking home from and Independence Day celebration. A car approached her and two men jumped out grabbed her and forced her into the car. She was blindfolded driven to an unknown location and repeatedly beaten and raped over the course of the remainder of the evening. After the men were done with her they drove her to a park and shoved her beaten body out of the car and left her there. A few weeks later it was discovered she was pregnant. He addresses Senator Jesse Helms directly who was trying to outlaw abortion even in cases of rape or incest, why his daughter should have to go through the horror and mental anguish of bringing a baby that was created out of violence and violation to term. I have to wonder what kind of a cruel human being would actually expect that.
This book was chock full of excellent arguments for why abortion should be/needs to be legal not only for the safety and well being of women, but for men and children as well.
October 3, 2007
I read this as a companion to the book that I read about birth mothers and adoptions (see my other reviews). It was not as emotional for me as reading about the birth mothers, and this is largely due to the fact that most of the women featured in the adoption book were forced to do what they did by others and often regret their actions. Their emotional responses were larger and more devastating than those of the women who told the stories of their illegal and legal abortions. What I did enjoy about this book was hearing some of the personal outlooks of the women, including the story of a a female clergy member and a quote from a letter of nuns regarding the topic of abortion. There are some harrowing stories included in the book regarding the illegal abortions that some women went through. The incredibly disturbing imagery that arises from their stories is moving and has stayed with me since I've finished the book.
June 22, 2007
People (some famous) tell their true stories of having abortions or helping people they love have abortions, many during the time when abortion was illegal in the US.
Good history.
Good history.
April 23, 2008
Stories from famous/distinguished women who have had abortions, both before and after Roe v. Wade. Sort of a Choice classic.
May 15, 2008
Powerful book about abortion, the women who choose it and the reasons why...
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews