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This Modern Love

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In the tradition of Post Secret and Other People’s Love Letters, a crowdsourced compilation of letters, stories, and art work about the modern state of love and relationships, edited by rising filmmaker and beloved YouTube vlogger Will Darbyshire.

“What would you say to your ex, without judgment?”

This is the question filmmaker and vlogger Will Darbyshire posed to hundreds of thousands of his closest friends on YouTube. Seeking closure after a tough break-up, Will was driven to strike up an intimate conversation with his online audience, and to get at the heart of one of life’s unknowable yet universal love.

Over a period of six months, Will posed a series of questions to his audience and asked them to reveal their innermost feelings about their own romantic experiences in the form of hand-written letters, poems, photographs, and emails.

The result is a curated collection of responses that are, at turns, funny, dark, confessional, awkward, comforting, and uplifting. This Modern Love is a compelling portrait of individual desires, fantasies, resentments, and fears that reminds us that, whether we’re in or out of love, we’re not alone.

224 pages, Paperback

First published July 7, 2016

194 people are currently reading
9236 people want to read

About the author

Will Darbyshire

5 books97 followers

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5 stars
2,118 (34%)
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3 stars
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417 (6%)
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86 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 628 reviews
Profile Image for Whitney Atkinson.
1,064 reviews13.2k followers
August 23, 2017
I think this book fell flat because the description of the concept romanticized and hyped the quality of the content inside. A collection of submissions of people all talking about love? Sounds fascinating! But the majority of these were cheesy, cliché, and not anything new. There were some really talented writers in here, and some powerful pieces, but not nearly enough to make up the majority.

The questions posed to submitters, I will admit, was interesting. They asked six questions that people would send in responses for, and most of the content of this book comprises of letters, either a letter to your crush, or a thank you letter to a current partner. Although this format was cool, I felt it could have been labeled or explained better, and additionally, Will's prefaces at the beginning of each new section were a bit extraneous. I wanted the letters to speak for themselves.

This book is difficult to recommend, but perhaps someone grieving from a lost love or someone actually with a crush or in a relationship would relate to this more. If anything, the design of the book and the photography included were very nice.
Profile Image for Natalie.
641 reviews3,850 followers
June 5, 2020
In this collection of love letters, Will Darbyshire provides a safe environment for people to share their thoughts on modern relationships. Some people sent in letters, pictures, poetry... This Modern Love collects these letters together to form a compendium of 21st century love, structured into the beginning, middle and end of a relationship.

“Some of the letters are bitter, some of them are raw. Some of them are thankful, and some of them might make you laugh. But they have all made me think about some of our most fundamental needs and desires. And I hope they will do the same for you.”

Since this book was divided into three parts, I decided to share my favorite letters from each part:

beginning

This part focuses on the beginning of a relationship. “It lays the foundations for everything to come. And despite being daunting, frankly terrifying territory, it’s surprisingly a time we look back on fondly.”

“Dear Josh

Although we are good friends, I don’t know how to tell you that I have had the biggest crush on you since the first day I saw you in my English class.

I mean, how do I tell you that I like you when I haven’t even told anyone that I’m gay.

We talk so much and you probably think of it as a normal conversation but to me... It’s more. It’s an escape from the reality. The reality of a guy who lays in bed wishing that he was in an alternate universe, one in which both him and you would fall in love with each other.

I guess that’s just wishful thinking. I can accept that we will only be friends but I just wanted you to know that you’re beautiful and I love you.

Anonymous


This was the very first letter and it was already breaking my heart.

“Dear —— ,

You are like that one piece of artwork in an art gallery that people spend a little longer admiring.

Rosa
UK”


“Dear You,

You’re so beautiful. Your smile, your eyes, your lips, your hands, everything. Did you know that you play in my mind like one of my favourite song lyrics, you sting my heart like after eating a bowl of hot soup. You know me but I don’t think you see me, I see you for one, I see you like no other, I see you so often your image never leaves the remains of my brain. I wish you see me, I wish you remembered me. I wish that you could see me the way I see you. I see you for you and that is the you that I love, but please can you see me too.

Sincerely

Brianna
Manitoba, Canada”


I really loved the specificity in this letter.

middle

The middle part of this book focuses on people celebrating their relationship.

“Dear Joseph,

Thank you.

Thank you for making me see the stars when I only saw the darkness.

Agnes
Sweden”


“It’s funny how technology was the reason my relationship started, but was also the reason why it ended.
Jovana, Serbia”


end

This part pays tribute to the end of relationships. And it was consequently my favorite part.

“The morbid reality of relationships is that they really only have two outcomes. It either works out or it doesn’t.”

“dear jake,

you ruined so many songs for me.

Katherine
New Mexico, USA”


This line... this line perfectly summed up a feeling that is all too familiar.

“Dear A,

I am 99% sure you have my childhood Pokemon card collection. When we parted ways you placed my possessions in a bag and left the bag outside my house. The Pokemon cards weren’t included.

Sorry I drunkenly messaged you asking if you had stolen my Pokemon cards. Sorry that was the first thing I said to you after saying nothing for three years. Thanks for a great time, I mean it.

I hope you are OK.

As always,

Soph
UK”


“Dear Boy

You once told me that in the space of two years every cell in your body regenerates.

There will come a day when I can reclaim my own skin, when my flesh will have never been touched by you.

Never yours,

Girl
New Zealand”


“Dear Ben,

Would you kindly keep your topless snapchat selfies to yourself. No they do not make me want you. And no I do not understand ‘dem bedtime feels’.

Also a word of advice if you ever hope to attract a girl; try less pout and more personality.

Peace (no love),

Shanahbelle
Australia”


“Dear Jacob,

Sadness always licked at the feet of our love but we still never chose to wear shoes.

I found myself a pair of boots now, I hope you’ve found some too.

Hannah
UK”


“Dear Joe,

I lied, you never made me orgasm.

Megan
England”


“Dear Collin,

Thank you for being the guy to help me realize I’m utterly and completely a lesbian.

Rachel
New York, USA”


This and the above one (from Megan) are my absolute favorites!!

“Dear guy who I used to know,

I wish you never took me to the movies in my favorite cinema. I wish you never took me to my favorite restaurant. I wish you never spent christmas with me. I wish you never took me to Amsterdam. I wish you never kissed and hugged me in my room. I wish you never told me that you loved me at my favorite spot in my hometown. I wish you never gave me my favorite book for my birthday.

You’re gone now, but all my favorite places and things still remind me of you. They aren’t my favorite places and things anymore.

Anonymous


This!!!
description
Although quite a few of the letters were exquisitely exquisite, the majority of this book I found to be a pretty average read. Only the ones above managed to make me react both physically and emotionally to the text, which, considering there are over 220 pages, left me feeling quite disappointed.

But listening to this next song really got me into the collection.

*Note: I'm an Amazon Affiliate. If you're interested in buying This Modern Love, just click on the image below to go through my link. I'll make a small commission!*


This review and more can be found on my blog.
Profile Image for Alisha.
122 reviews
August 11, 2016
honestly this was everything that i wanted from the idea of this book. thank you will for bringing me something i didnt realise i needed to read so badly.
Profile Image for Angharad .
117 reviews119 followers
October 24, 2016
"Thank you for making me see the stars when I only saw the darkness."

So, the reason I haven't been reviewing a lot lately is because I've been going through a difficult time. A difficult time meaning a difficult break up. I felt it would be disrespectful to books and their authors if I gave half-hearted reviews.
Then I read this book.
Surely it was a recipe for disaster right? This is a book about love - crushes, relationships and heartbreak. If you recommended a book to someone going through heartbreak, your first choice wouldn't be this and yet it was what I needed. It hurt but it was cathartic, it reminded me that I'm not the only one going through this. Whenever you go through a tough time, you become selfish in a way, you forget that there are others in the world feeling the same. This book consists of letters and emails that were submitted to the author - letters from all over the world, from all ages and sexual orientations. What is shows is that pain is universal but so is love. We all experience it, we all get hurt by it but we're never alone. It also features some snapshots that fit perfectly. Some letters were funny, some were sad and some were like a breath of fresh air.
Profile Image for Aira (Taylor's Version).
77 reviews5 followers
May 16, 2021
"I’m happy you’re not in the amount of pain I’m in, but I’m sad I’m in so much pain over someone that could not care less about me."
Profile Image for Paula M.
587 reviews624 followers
September 4, 2020
Since I don't review non fiction books. Just some quick thoughts: this was good, a fast read. I really enjoyed the letters as they were submitted from real people therefore it did give me some feels I don't want to dismiss the letters/emails as they were real and raw but it just didn't give me any reason to give this book more than a 5 star rating.
Profile Image for Suraya (thesuraya).
787 reviews228 followers
February 7, 2017
Giving this a 5 stars because im a huge sucker on anything romance; the beginning, the middle and the end. I love the big concept but i love the tiny little things more. And all these emails, letters, tweets and whatnots, they capture everything perfectly.

Ive only ever known love through books and movies/tv shows due to the fact that ive never fell in love myself (lol what a pity) so its really nice to see that it actually exists in real life lol.

Now, can i please experience love on my own? :(

Profile Image for Marius Paulsen.
543 reviews54 followers
December 11, 2016
Wow! Just wow! This book should be read by everyone and if you ever want a pick me up or a love book read this beauty!
Profile Image for dina.
258 reviews87 followers
Read
February 7, 2017
This Modern Love is an anthology of love letters, divided into 3 parts: beginning, middle, and end.

Ever since the halfway of this book, I have decided not to rate this. People have the different way to express their love, and I'm afraid if I rate this book, it would seem disrespectful, as if they have to write letters with unusual vocabularies and poemish style to attract the readers, but the truth is they wrote it because they felt like it and all of these letters were meant for real people—people they love—out there.

So, I guess not all books are meant to be rated?

But honestfully (is this even the right word?) saying, most of these letters are pretty medicore. Despite the fact that Darbyshire is a very generous man for making this project, I cannot deny that the letters on the 'beginning' and 'middle' parts are pretty much the common ones, not that I expected anything the first time I read this.

I have this favorite line written by Will Darbyahire himself (I think...): This necessity of finding your soulmate is a fairly new idea. If we jump back fifty years, it was very common to marry someone who could provide stability rather than affection. We would tend to marry out of safety rather than passion and the very idea of a soulmate was quite uncommon. Nowadays, all we’re looking for is our other half. We’re looking for that person who fundamentally gets us; the person we were destined to meet.

For the 'end' part, things were slowly changing. Emotions were appearing, and painfully inspirin letters were found. There's this heartbreaking letter from a girl named Cassandra about a toxic relationship she shared. There's this woman from UK who pregnant but her partner left. I think that in these letters, there are messages about feminimity and being whole, about owning ourselves before someone own our hearts (although I despise this term).
Profile Image for Suad Shamma.
731 reviews209 followers
July 17, 2017
I liked the concept of this book and appreciate what Will Darbyshire was trying to do. However, I found the content a bit underwhelming to tell you the truth, and some were just right out boring. I read this pretty quickly, but had I let myself, I would have put it down and forgotten about it. I don't know if it were his selections that bored me, or if those were actually the best of what he received, because if that is the case then...well...that would be disappointing.

All in all, I like the concept, not so much the execution.
Profile Image for Daisy.
283 reviews100 followers
September 13, 2021
Like photos and stories of babies declarations of love are never as interesting to the disinterested as they are to the intimately connected. This collection of declarations of love, of tales of heartbreak and unrequited crushes garnered from the public goes to prove that love does indeed blinds us though not exclusively to looks, to the reality of our ability to produce profound, unique or even moving writing.
Do not bother with: if you are a soppy romantic (there’s nothing emotive to be found), if you are looking to crib for your own missives (there is nothing inspirational here) or if you are seeking some insight into modern attitudes to love (there is nothing beyond a cliché apart from the mention of farting which – call me a sour old prude- I cannot comprehend referencing in anything that purports to be extolling the virtues of love.
In short this book is a lot of nothing and while we might all experience love this shows that precious few can write of it, spend your time and money on reading those that can.

“I realised you were poppin’
And that no matter what you did
You would always be at the top toppin’”

or

See the mountains kiss high heaven
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth
And the moonbeams kiss the sea:
What is all this sweet work worth
If thou kiss not me?
Profile Image for Steph Watson.
23 reviews
August 12, 2016
I devoured this book in an hour and a half. It's a beautiful collection of letters and responses that make you laugh, smile, want to cry and feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Profile Image for Noël.
7 reviews
February 8, 2025
Ein Buch mit Briefen an Crushes, Geliebte und Ex-Partner:innen bei dem man genau das bekommt, was man erwartet. Ich habe viel gelacht, ich habe noch mehr geweint und mein größter Kritikpunkt ist, dass es am Ende doch gar nicht so viele Briefe pro Kapitel waren.
Profile Image for Kristina.
1,097 reviews233 followers
August 17, 2016
I discovered this book because Raya from Rayawashere on Youtube showed it in one of her videos because she has written a letter for her boyfriend - Loius from funforlouis on Youtube.

Oh my, the Raya's letter was just so honest, cute and appreciative of everything Louis has done for her in the year they've been together and travelling the world. I'd choose you over Beyonce as well heheh! :)

The rest of the book is filled with other letters, instagram or tweeter posts sent by viewers to Will which he collected and published in this book. It contains 3 parts which resemble each stage in a relationship. There are also some photographs and different quotes.

Overall, it's such a nice idea and some of the letters are too adorable!
Profile Image for Emilie.
131 reviews46 followers
March 18, 2017
« After all, the biggest adventure you can have is to open your heart. »

The very idea of this book is really amazing. I absolutely loved it.
« Thank you for making me see the stars when I only saw the darkness. »
Profile Image for Winna.
Author 18 books1,966 followers
August 23, 2017
Some were good, but surprisingly i could not find one single entry that connected, and i did not get the urge to highlight passages that felt meaningful. It was all a quick, void of feelings kind of read.
Profile Image for Georgia Mae.
10 reviews11 followers
August 19, 2016
"Thank you for making me see the stars when I only saw the darkness."

Nothing I say is going to do this book justice. I am mesmerised, speechless and nostalgic.
Profile Image for Janine .
846 reviews38 followers
December 7, 2016
I was completely underwhelmed by this. I liked the concept and the layout, but it sort of just felt like reading some writings about love on an internet message board. There were a few strong pieces, and the really succint ones often proved most powerful. Ultimately, though, the "beginning," "middle," and "end" sections weren't all that different from one another.

The "end" section was probably my favorite, only because I think there's something so raw and powerful about heartbreak. There's the pain of the end, and the bittersweet feeling of remembering the things that were good.

This was a quick read, it just didn't come with the emotion I had hoped it would. Not for me, at least.
Profile Image for Abdulrahman.
130 reviews79 followers
December 8, 2017
لامس قلبي في كثير من نصوصه، جعلني اضحك، اعيش عالما اخر اتخيل به هاؤلاء الاشخاص، و حتى سقوط دمعة او اثنتين ... النصوص هنا كتبت كثيرا من الاحيان بلغه ركيكه، وهذا ليس عيبا! فالكتاب هنا اشخاص عاديون، يكتبون مشاعرهم بقليلا من الفلتره و العنايه و كثيرا من الصدق، وهو شي اعطى الرسائل صدقها و واقعيتها.

اغلب الرسائل كتبت من جيل شبابنا، فلن ترى شخصا يتكلم عن حبه لفتاة عائلة ارستقراطيه في عصر نابليون بعد عودته من الحرب مع الفرنسيين! بل رسائل تحاكي واقع جيلنا، من شبكات اجتماعيه و نحوه، في اجواء نحن نعيشها الان

الرسائل حاكت جميع الذوائق، من جنسيات و اعراق و اديان و ميول جنسيه. هناك شي بالتاكيد ستجد بينك و بينه رابط في احد هذه الرسائل.
Profile Image for Inside My Library Mind.
703 reviews139 followers
February 19, 2017
Full review up on my blog Inside My Library Mind

This was an interesting concept. I stay away from Youtuber books in general, but this was fun. I especially liked The End part, since I find the endings of relationships or the breakups really fascinating.
Profile Image for ✧✧tanja✧✧.
223 reviews135 followers
September 25, 2016
the first youtuber book I've read and most likely also the only one I ever will read. Unless of course Will publishes another.


I have a lot of love for this collection, I want it on my coffee table for all eternity.
Profile Image for Cynthia.
176 reviews
October 17, 2016
What a disappointment. A few of the submissions to this book were moving, funny, or thought-provoking. But, most were long-winded, and reflected the relative youth of most of the writers. I expected more passion and feeling in this book, but it just wasn't there.
Profile Image for Keepa Tuladhar.
143 reviews2 followers
June 25, 2021
❝𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕?❞

A sweet simple read after few complex reads back to back. Finished this one day. The book is divided in three sections of a relationship: beginning (crushes/infatuation), middle (relationship) and end (breakup). Its a collection of short letters & notes written by people all around the world tomtheor significant other. Some were super relatable some was okaish - its either a hot or a miss. But the concept behind this book was amazing. Almost everyone has their journey of experiences in relationships and its nice to kmow in some way there is someone going through/ who went through same things as you.

❝𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒔 𝒔𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒉 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆,
𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑 𝒔𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈,
𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍,
𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒂𝒏.❞
Profile Image for Mia Prasetya.
403 reviews268 followers
July 26, 2017
HoNY beda versi, Will mengumpulkan sepenggal kisah-kisah romansa modern, berawal dari patah hati terkumpullah 15.570 respons dari pertanyaan-pertanyaan Will. Beberapa pertanyaan yang diajukan adalah : apa yang akan kau katakan kepada mantanmu, buatlah thank you note untuk partnermu, 1 kata yang melukiskan hubungan cinta kalian.

Terbagi dalam 3 bagian beginning, middle dan end, yang menarik buat saya adalah bagian patah hati, lebih greget karena cinta menye-menye dan berbunga tak lagi menarik untuk disimak :p

Salah satu cuplikan snail mail yang menarik di buku this modern love ini ada di halaman 189.

Dear Joe,

I lied, you never made me orgasm.

Megan, England.

Ouch!
Profile Image for Sharon.
68 reviews2 followers
August 11, 2024
Ik weet niet of ik te nuchter ben voor dit boek of dat ik te veel had verwacht, maar dit was echt kut. Ik weet dat het persoonlijke brieven zijn en ik waardeer het dat mensen zich kwetsbaar opstellen, maar ik kan niet geloven dat uit 15.570 inzendingen dit de crème de la crème was. Ik denk dat ik precies 3 inzendingen een beetje leuk vond. De plaatjes vond ik ook echt niks toevoegen, waarom zou je die in zwart/wit in een boek publiceren? Blij dat ik dit ding uit heb zodat ik een slechte recensie kon schrijven.

Het idee was goed, de uitvoering wat minder.
Profile Image for ink.
532 reviews85 followers
January 28, 2021
never been in a relationship so this felt corny
Profile Image for Penny May Davies.
122 reviews4 followers
February 3, 2021
I mean this was okay, very much a coffee table book. Wouldn’t recommend actually reading it like a normal book but just something you pick up now and again. Some lovely letters tho, just didn’t feel right giving it more then 2 stars :)
Profile Image for Tiana.
93 reviews174 followers
August 31, 2021
I think the concept was really cool but it fell a bit flat for me? Just a bit. The entries were either really good or they reminded me of what I would write in my diary at 13, aka cringe. Now to be fair, there are entries written by actual 13 year olds in here but what I mean is that some of them just didn’t really “click” for lack of better word. I do have to give major props for the end because THOSE entries were amazing.

The book overall: 4/5. The end?? FIVE/FIVE.
Profile Image for Kristina.
333 reviews24 followers
March 28, 2017
This is a great little read for teens and adults. Through letters and poetry and photographs, the compiler brought together pieces written to him from around the world. These pieces deal with crushes, love, and break-ups. There is something for everyone in here. A quick read, with some good phraseology of emotion. This was a student rec and I'm glad I picked it up
Displaying 1 - 30 of 628 reviews

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