Realistic BDSM play in a PNR that blows past safeguards too much for me to enjoy
I received a free copy of this book in return for an honest review.
One positive thing I can say about this book: the deep diving portrayals of dangerous/unsafe/non-consensual BDSM/humiliation play are realistic enough that it can clearly trigger me.
This is a paranormal story about a vampire clawing through to an injured human, using BDSM techniques to break the human down in order to save him. On one hand, as a paranormal fantasy book, one can argue that the activities in this story should not have to be judged on real-life BDSM standards. However, while the vampire drew directly on his experience as a Dominant in the BDSM scene while employing many common BDSM activities, he applied them in ways I find to be extremely dangerous and/or abusive. While the vampire needed to "break" the human to save him, I found the application of standard, potentially sane and safe BDSM practices to be implemented in a warped and dangerous manner, in a way that I hope no real-life Dom would ever do. (In particular, the (mis)-use of safewords and the extreme, over-the-top anger are extremely dangerous in real BDSM practice.)
Let me state clearly I am no BDSM prude, even (and perhaps especially) when it comes to the (often derided and misunderstood) humiliation kink. My problems with the particular, introductory BDSM scene in this book is how non-consensual and dangerous it was while being given a veneer of BDSM consent/safety measures, measures that seemed to me to be twisted as to make the unsafe, non-consensual nature even worse. The more a story employs real-life BDSM techniques and safety measures (contracts, safewords, limits, emphasizing the importance of trust), I guess the more I expect the scene to adhere to consent and safety, and not to cross into abusive or endangering activities.
About 40% of the way through the book, Remus (the human protagonist) is introduced to his first BDSM scene in a solidly non-consensual manner, something that I find very troublesome in any semi-realistic portrayal of BDSM. If I had not agreed to review the work, I would have simply stopped reading and deleted the book from my tablet and moved to another title. However, since I received a free copy, I felt I should shoulder on. I have read plenty of extreme stories in the past, including scenes that would make this display appear to be very tame, so I thought I could easily finish the book to provide a complete review. The events of the next pages just became continually more non-consensual and abusive to my eyes, until one event made me physically ill. I am providing my honest reaction based on the first 53% of the work.
Throughout the entire beginning of the book, the protagonist repeatedly indicated he was not interested in pursuing BDSM, insisting time and again that he wasn't a submissive. Remus had previously been the victim of very extreme abuse, leaving him to be a very damaged and endangered victim and survivor. He especially was not interested in pursuing anything with Victor, a man whose violent reactions and anger scared him witless. The immediate lead-up to the initial BDSM scene included many reiterations of his lack of desire and his rejection of submitting to Victor. Victor did not tell Remus they were headed to the dungeon, but had to lead him there on false pretenses, tricking him and manipulating Remus to get to the BDSM scening room in the first place. Trickery and manipulation (and the supernatural threats behind the situation) to get an abuse survivor to submit to something he doesn't want goes against everything that makes BDSM safe, sane and consensual.
The pressure by Victor and the rejection by Remus continued:
"Try to keep an open mind," said Victor. I shook my head. "No, I can't. Please."
Remus clearly said no.
"I just think it's a bad idea." "Do you think it's a bad idea, or is it the person still living inside your head?" I struggled to find an answer and came up empty. "Only one way to find out, you know."
Remus clearly said it was a bad idea, but Victor took advantage of Remus's vulnerable and abused situation, pressuring him with basically a lie ("there is only one way to find out" - not true).
"I still don't know how you tying me up and putting me in a blindfold is going to help," I muttered. He arched an eyebrow. "Well, at least now I know where to start. The most fundamental element of any dominant-submissive relationship is trust. If I can get you to trust me, and I know you're already starting to, I can slip past your mind's defenses and begin to work on the foreign ones set up by the vampire." I still wasn't completely on board with the theory that a vampire had laid some crazy schematics in my mind, but at least I could think about it now without having a panic attack.
The character gets one thing correct - trust is central to a BDSM relationship. Remus's feelings and thoughts about Victor had been so incredibly far from trusting before that point, the Dom's assumptions about Remus's repeated assertions to the contrary were manipulative at best, not indicative of someone who should be trusted. Thinking about it without having a panic attack is so incredibly far from true trust that it's mind blowing to me.
As much as part of me wanted to resist, there was also part of me that knew this might be exactly what I needed.
This was the first hint of consent that came across to me. It made no sense based on Remus's very often repeated previous fear and distrust of Victor, and was an extraordinarily weak indication of willingness given Remus's attitudes.
After tricking, manipulating, and basically threatening an abuse survivor with death, the first thing Victor says to Remus as a Dom is:
"A pup doesn't speak unless his master speaks to him. When you're in my room, you don't walk. You crawl on all fours. When I ask you a question, the only acceptable answers are almost always going to be 'Yes, Master' and 'No, Master.' Do you understand?"
Yes, that's absolutely the first thing an abuse survivor who has not really consented to a scene needs to hear. For a newbie who is consenting to and desirous of utterly submitting, this establishment of dominance and humiliation of a new submissive would at best be borderline for me. For someone who has been abused and really doesn't want to participate, this humiliation makes me sick. (And I'm one of those rare folks who really appreciates a good humiliation scene.)
On the one hand, the breaking of the human is clearly the point. On the other, the fact that potentially/normally safe, sane and consensual BDSM techniques are being applied to a non-consenting, manipulated abuse-survivor turned my stomach.
Within seconds or minutes of starting this non-consensual scene, Victor pressures Remus to sign a "Contract of Ownership." Ownership? Within minutes of being forced into a scene and situation he really didn't want? Ownership is very severe, very serious, and not something to be entered into too quickly, and it has no place being asserted in such a negative way over an abused and extremely reluctant new participant.
He took out a pen and scrawled something in a few blank lines, then handed it to me. "Read it over carefully and tell me if you have any questions or changes before you sign." His eyes locked on mine. "This is the last time I'm bound to accept requests from you. After this, you're mine."
No, a Dom is always bound to respect the submissive's safeword and their limits. Always. Otherwise, it's not legal BDSM, but abuse and rape.
I doubted any of this would work, but I also didn't want to die as a victim of vampire mind control. If Victor's methods provided a way out and satisfied my curiosity about Sebastian's lifestyle at the same time, so be it.
Another clear indication that Remus did not truly accept this, but was falling to another Dominant's manipulations, which is what he did with his abusive, former boyfriend. Charitable readers could take this as a form of a consent - a manipulated and tricked (and threatened upon pain of death) consent, so at this point I could barely choke it down. I tried to keep reading by stretching my credulity and treating it as extraordinarily reluctant, dubious consent in the best interests of an injured, possibly dying human.
"Didn't like that, did you?" He brought the end of the crop towards me and I flinched, but he only used it to tilt my chin towards him.
One of Remus's limits was no hitting, yet almost immediately in the first scene for an extremely reluctant, dubiously consenting man with a history of abuse is to tease him about breaking his hard limits. A crop is a tool for hitting, for beating, and Victor teases Remus with it right off the bat even though it clearly threatened a hard limit for Remus. This "experienced" Dom can't even start a scene with someone who really didn't want to be there without basically threatening to blow past one of the very few restrictions Remus had said was essential to his participation.
"I'm the beginning and end of all authority and you will treat me with respect."
Except respect is earned. Even among Doms, for a Dom/Domme, respect is earned by basic conduct. Victor's actions to this point earned him my extreme derision and disdain, not respect.
"R-red," I gasped. He glared furiously. I'd never seen him so angry, not even in the dream after he learned about Sebastian's mark. "Red?" he snarled. "Red is for ending a session. Red is for when you're past your breaking point. It is not for you to throw around when you're simply uncomfortable or something has annoyed you. Do you understand?"
No. Hell no. Hell the goddamned-fuck NO!
Reading Victor's diatribe against a scared, threatened, tricked, forced, and non-consenting newbie literally made me physically ill. It took me a week and a half to even be able to return to write about it (for the review I committed to write upon receiving a free copy of the work).
As far as I'm concerned, Victor's safeword spiel should never, ever be used. I have heard of something similar very occasionally threatened for a very experienced submissive, and even then hearing such an admonition against using a safeword provoked universal derision in the BDSM clubs and networks I was a part of for a decade.
Safewords should be respected at all times for all submissives, otherwise BDSM really isn't safe or consensual, and it becomes abuse, assault and rape. But even if one buys the underlying attitude (only use your safeword when you're ready to give up everything about the scene and/or relationship with the Dom), it might possibly work in advanced scenes by a sub who deeply trusted and had experience with the Dom, and so I find it utterly out of place in this situation.
If you ever misuse a safe word again, I will end more than just our session. It's too crucial to the dynamic between master and submissive. At the very least, I demand that my submissives are capable of telling me when they truly can't handle something. If you ever cry wolf in my dungeon again, it had damn well better be with your legs wrapped around my waist and your nails dug into my back begging me to fuck you harder. Do you understand?
I couldn't believe it would get worse, but it did. It is Victor that is misusing his position as Dom and misusing the safeword. Remus wouldn't have to use it if Victor wasn't so ham-handed and immediately threatened limits of a extraordinarily reluctant sub at the start of their first session. His continued bluster about crying wolf and begging to fuck (crossing another hard limit) can do nothing but shut down the sub's ability to use a safeword when needed. (It's much, much more dangerous for a sub to use a safeword too little rather than too often, especially, especially, especially when a clueless Dom like this one thinks they are so all-knowing and powerful.)
I'm not angry, not anymore. You've simply got to learn to be a good boy.
No, Victor as a Dom needs to learn about to properly train and pace his sub, and not let such extreme anger out in a scene.
"The question is, do you trust me, pup?"
Yes, Master." Who else was there? Sebastian was still in my heart, but in my mind he seemed like a distant memory. In that dungeon room, there was only Victor and I."
Translation: Your sane brother, whom I like and may love, isn't here to protect me, and I'm trapped in a room with a raving, angry, lunatic, so I'd better the fuck say yes if I want to get out of here in one piece.
Remus has a history of extreme abuse. He was manipulated and tricked into the BDSM dungeon. (He was told he would lose his life if he did not agree to participate.) Immediately on reluctantly agreeing, he is treated like utter dirt, pressured into giving up ownership of himself, but also told there were limits that would be respected, and a safeword to protect himself. When those limits were immediately threatened (first teased with a crop, and then told his limit of no sex might be disregarded), he quite reasonably used his safeword.
If Victor did not want Remus to use his safeword so soon, he shouldn't have immediately threatened the very few limits the abused man had set. Even then, Victor could have had a more safe and rational discussion about the role of the safeword, rather than becoming so incredibly angry. Remus had experienced and been so repulsed by Victor's previous anger that he greatly feared the man. According to the story, Victor's level of anger at the mere mention of the safeword was beyond his previous display that Remus found to be so incredibly frightening. A Dom should never channel that type of anger into a scene with a submissive, as it's a sign he is out of control and unable to safely execute any BDSM activities with an edge.
I realize this story is about werewolves and vampires, and normal BDSM rules might not apply in such a "life and death" situation. However, Victor's skill as a Dom (or, in my mind, utter lack thereof) in combination with incomplete and undermined attempts to "follow" some essential BDSM consent and safety practices just ruined any suspension of disbelief for me, and any trust I as a reader might have that he could navigate Remus's abuse and danger in any kind of a constructive way.
I realize this critique can fall into "my way is good/right/correct" and your practice is "incorrect/wrong/bad" so derided in sex/fantasy/relationship reviews and discussions. In a fantasy setting (where Remus's life was on the line), standard safety measures need not apply, but in that case I would have appreciated a bit more interest on Remus's part (making it closer to truly consensual) and/or reluctance or at least understanding on Victor's part.
For example, even a scintilla of rumination by the Dom of the following would have made Victor much more trustworthy to me: Normally, I wouldn't trick/manipulate/force an abuse survivor into submitting so quickly, or immediately humiliate him and threaten his limits, and then let my anger loose on him when he exercises the one right I said he has, but I need to press him beyond normal safety and consent issues to save his life.
However, even if Remus had gladly consented, the angry reaction to the use of the safeword would have just sickened me. If a Dom is that angry, he has no business in being in control of a scene. Of course, I don't believe Victor should be a Dom for many reasons, but the safeword tantrum was the last straw for me, and I couldn't read any more, despite having a "free" book that I needed to review.
I have occasionally read about an "old school" BDSM crowd that formerly practiced this kink in a manner similar to some of the ways described in the book. All I can say to that is if the submissive is truly consenting to that type of treatment, I can see how it could theoretically work. But if a Dom forced such submission on a person, and that person went along not because they wanted it or found it fulfilling at some level, but simply were so weakened and abused they submitted to an angry, strong hand, to me it would abuse and assault. I don't know any Dom who could be so omniscient to tell the difference without some kind of deep and true trust developed and some kind of true safety measures in place.
After the worst scene, there was a little "After Care," but the story is soon back to the non-consensual nature of the relationship, this time outside of the "dungeon contract."
No," I growled. "Stay out of my head." "That's him talking, not you. I know it hurts."
He took the syringe from the night stand and loaded it with a fresh vial that seemed darker than the others. "This will help." Even though I knew it would, something caused me to panic. "No!" I tried to pull away but he caught me and plunged the needle into my neck."
And then finally the "break-through" after another non-consensual assault:
"It's okay. I'm not afraid of you anymore.".
My reaction: I guess exposing a past abuser's worst deeds allows the tormented one to "trust" the one currently manipulating him.
That was 53% of the way through, and as far as I could make it, as unless someone was about to put a stake through an abusive Dom's heart, I had no interest in (and literally not the stomach for) reading further.
Plenty of other readers found the story to be entertaining, so clearly those who are not as invested in BDSM safety parameters (or my experience with them) were engaged by the necessary breaking and rebuilding of the endangered protagonist. (And one bad review won't warp the overall rating of this book.) However, as someone who was a long time practitioner of the kink essential to a crucial scene in the book, I am sharing my honest experience and reaction (even if it is of utter abhorrence).