The Happiest Kids in the World A Stress-Free Approach to Parenting—the Dutch Way

by Rina Mae Acosta, Michele Hutchison

Why do:
· Dutch babies seem so content, and sleep so well?
· Dutch parents let their kids play outside on their own?
· The Dutch trust their children to bike to school?
· Dutch schools not set homework for the under-tens?
· Dutch teenagers not rebel?
· What is the secret of bringing up the happiest kids in the world?

In a recent UNICEF study of child well-being, Dutch children came out on top as the happiest all-round. Rina Mae Acosta and Michele Hutchison, both married to Dutchmen and bringing up their kids in Holland, examine the unique environment that enables the Dutch to turn out such contented, well-adjusted and healthy babies, children and teens.
Read this book if you want to find out what lessons you can learn from Dutch parents, to ensure your kids turn out happy!

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Family, Education, Childrens, Self Help

320 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2017

Reviews

[Meghan Davis strader · Rating 2 out of 5]

Short of moving to the Netherlands, there wasn't much practical advice for those of us living in the US.

[Jane Eyre · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's worth getting to know Dutch parenting methods, however not necessarily from this book. I found the narration where the author is constantly comparing US/UK to the Netherlands quite annoying. Im not from any of these countries but after a while it became so predictable that the US/UK methods are gonna be portrayed as hopeless while Duch pure perfection.

There was no critical examples of Duch methods what so ever. That made the book quite one-layered. Seemed to me that even when authors mentioned examples of not necessarily good ideas, they tuned it around in a way that actually sounds beneficial. For example: breakfast consisting of chocolate sprinkles on bread with butter. It's an unhealthy breakfast. But the authors say that compared to US, where children eat choco-blobs - even bigger crap, their Duch sprinkles are not bad cause teach children to cherish breakfast - the most important metal of the day. I mean... Why don't they compare choco sprinkles to Asian ultra healthy breakfast or other countries? Why dont they quote some statistics which breakfasts in the world are the healthiest and which position is the Duch one? They won't cause they only show statistics and research when it matches their theory. And that's cherry picking data.

Another example where authors didn't use any critical thinking is "crying it out" method practised by Duch parents for generations (mentioned from the book). It's been proved a long time ago that crying it out is a very dangerous concept that might have really bad consequences for the baby. Might cause emotional trust issues, cause insecurity later in life or even damage the baby's brain. It can also lead to poor social development and intellectual issues. But this didn't match the theory that "Duch is always right" so wasn't mentioned.

Don't get me wrong, I got some inspiration and good ideas from Duch parenting and overall I agree that it's probably one of the best in the world. But let's be fair and draw a full picture with pluses and minuses. Describing minuses might also be enriching.

In a nutshell, Duch method sounds interesting and worth discovering but the writing style of the book was quite poor.

[Fliss Van Steenbergen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was interested in reading this book, as I'm married to a Dutchman myself. Whilst there were some interesting points raised, the book was incredibly anecdotal and not particularly representative of Dutch parenting/culture en masse. There were some scientific studies included, but I got the feeling they had been chosen to back up the authors' opinions, resulting in a skewed perspective. Perhaps the writers simply needed to convince themselves they'd done the right thing by bringing up their families in Holland!

[ElaKa · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book has few interesting points but not sure it all needed 300 pages of explanation (maybe because I live in the Netherlands and many things were not new to me). Also I missed some points of critique, the book presents the Dutch way in pink colors and relays mainly on some good examples from friends and family. Would be far more interesting to know also the darker side...For example we have many Dutch friends with divorced parents and the Netherlands is pretty high on the divorce rates lists. How does that affect the Dutch children? Still, I do agree it is a good country to raise your kids :)

[Christine Fitzgerald · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book, it made me laugh out loud. As always, reading about parenting in other cultures is fascinating to me. However, other than move to Amsterdam, this book really did not have a lot of practical advice for life here in states.

[Emmy Hermina Nathasia · Rating 4 out of 5]

While Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman on French parenting wisdom was an eye-opener for me, the Dutch makes me take a step back.

I hesitate because of one thing, they can do it because of culture and the support of government and society.

It's a way of life for them. Therefore, it makes it easier to do what they do with their children. Their easy going approach on parenting can only be done in the kind of environment they live in the Netherlands.

To compare it with the US and UK, the vast difference not only in parenting ideas, but also environment support and government regulations, it will be difficult for other parents from other cultures to adopt some of the lessons shared in the book.

That being said, it's a good read nonetheless.

I might want to adopt one or two techniques, along with French parenting to try out here in Malaysia. Although I know very well that what I plan to do with my child will raise some questions from the parents/society here.

[Klaudia_p · Rating 1 out of 5]

Właściwie cała książka sprowadza się do tego, że holenderskie dzieci są najszczęśliwsze na świecie, bo mają dużo swobody w podejmowaniu decyzji. I do tego te autorki, które same nie wiedzą o czym chcą pisać. Chybiona ta współpraca.

[Jill Crosby · Rating 2 out of 5]

A book about parenting by two ex-pat moms married to Dutch men, living in Holland while raising their children.
Pros: commons sense advice about allowing kids to grow up with some independence and no pressure. No organized traveling team sports, no lessons every school night, no pressure to read early—the basics.

Where it Fails:Does not mention Dutch children who are part of blended families or who live split custodies; minority kids (there is a comment about one of the women having to move to North Amsterdam, “where all the immigrants are,” implying that immigrants constitute the bad neighborhoods), or kids with special physical or mental needs. Holland apparently works great if you’re white, Dutch, well-employed, and live in a great neighborhood. And according to this book, that’s what makes up the entire nation. Of course the Dutch way of raising kids will work if you’re raising them SURROUNDED BY DUTCH PEOPLE. I only wish the authors had provided more examples of the Dutch families who don’t fit the stereotype, and had illustrated how even the split custody/single parent/immigrant sectors were able to implement the paradigm for producing the “happiest children in the world.”

[Becky Diamond · Rating 5 out of 5]

When American ex-pat Rina Acosta stumbled across a 2013 UNICEF report stating that the happiest kids in the world live in Holland, it spurred her to write a blog piece about her observations, which went viral. Teaming up with Michele Hutchinson (also an ex-pat from the UK), they explain how the Dutch culture is rooted in simplicity, with families choosing low-cost activities and a back-to-basics approach. In addition, they have observed that Dutch schools invest more energy in motivation than achievement, resulting in children that are self-aware, responsible and sociable, not stressed and over-wrought like in their two home countries. This book is very readable and enlightening … as the authors point out, the Dutch parenting style is basically the way parents in the U.S. and U.K. raised kids a few decades ago, before ultra-competitive, helicopter parenting became the norm. It would be great to see if parents in these two countries could try to replicate the Dutch method since the culture and environment is so different. Perhaps this could be the basis for their second book?

[Kinga (oazaksiazek) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bardzo podobała mi się ta książka. Wyciągnęłam z niej wiele dla siebie.

Czasem przeszkadzało mi ciągłe porównywanie Holandii i Stanów Zjednoczonych lub Wielkiej Brytanii, ale rozumiem w jakim celu było to zrobione. Świetnie widać te kontrasty w podejściu nie tylko do wychowania dzieci w tych państwach, ale do życia w ogóle.

Kilka rzeczy było dla mnie nowością. Taką ciekawą nowością. Kilka rzeczy będzie dla mnie inspiracją.

Zawsze lubiłam Holandię i Holendrów. Teraz lubię ich jeszcze bardziej.

[Thanawat · Rating 4 out of 5]

มันเยี่ยม และน่าอิจฉา
เป็นโลกที่พร้อมให้เด็กเติบโตด้วยความมั่นใจ และปลอดภัย

Concept ของชาวสแกนดิเนเวียเนี่ย ท้ายสุดไม่ได้ต่างกันมากนัก
นั้นคือผู้ปกครอง trust บุตรหลาน และ trust สภาพแวดล้อม
เด็กสามารถเติบโตได้อย่างปลอดภัย ภายใต้สภาพแวดล้อมที่เอื้ออำนวยมาก
ผู้ปกครองก็ไม่ต้อง rush ไม่ต้อง fight เพราะความ competitive มันไม่ได้รุนแรง
คือคุณไม่ต้องดิ้นรน บีบคั้น เพื่อให้ลูกหลานของคุณได้รับสิ่งดีๆ

แทบจะจินตนาการไม่ออกเลยว่าจะเอาแนวทางเจ๋งๆ สไตล์ดัตช์มาใช้แบบเต็มรูปแบบในประเทศไทย พศ นี้ได้ยังไง

[Abby Klauck · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of the first of many parenting books I assume I'll be reading as my husband and I embark on our child-rearing journey. I knew I was going to enjoy The Happiest Kids in the World because I'd read a couple of Rina's blog posts in the past, and this book mostly solidified my thought that, if it were easier, moving to The Netherlands seems like the best way to go. Given that is unlikely, and that The Netherlands sounds too cold and wet for my tastes, we'll have to settle for adapting Dutch approaches for life in the US.

As a child, my parents trusted me and allowed me a fairly high degree of independence, and I've always wanted to mimic that with my own children. The Happiest Kids in the World delves deeply into a relaxed, non-competitive approach to parenting that sounds much healthier than what a lot of parents seem to currently follow in the US. It starts from birth and continues through adolescence, examining differing approaches between The Netherlands and other countries (primarily the US and the UK) and how the countries rank in global studies and surveys. Rina and Michele cite a lot of evidence to support why the Dutch methods appear to be better than many other developed countries in terms of happiness, and they offer their own opinions on why this may be as well.

Most of what the book covers are actual parenting methods, like playing a large emphasis on play, fostering independence, encouraging trust and open communication, but many other aspects of the lives of Dutch children can't really be replicated outside the country. The Dutch education system, for example, isn't exactly something a parent outside The Netherlands can just adopt, even if the lack of focus on homework and student competition sounds appealing. The lack of academic learning during early primary school years due to spotlight on play and social interaction is something I would love to implement with my own children, although I know several teachers in the US who believe that this would put my children behind their peers for the rest of their grade school education (I doubt this is true given the evidence in the book). Unless we homeschool, we couldn't follow this approach anyway.

While I enjoyed this book and will likely use it as a reference for years to come, I did have a few issues with it. First, the book glosses over many potential negatives to the Dutch approach. In relation to education, the focus is more on the average student rather than the top ranking students (which overall is great), but it doesn't mention if perhaps high achieving kids may suffer from the lack of competition or focus on performance. Rina and Michele also have the tendency to draw their own conclusions regarding why something may work in The Netherlands without offering actual evidence. While many of the conclusions are evidence-based, there are also a good number that are not and are just opinions of the authors. I wish the conclusions with evidence to support them were more distinguished, as I'm inclined to give them more weight compared to the authors' conclusions based on anecdotal evidence.

Overall, this was a great read, and I'll be encouraging my husband to read it too.

[Liralen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have a habit of reading books that are interesting to me on a geographic but not content level—so in this case, I'm not particularly interested in parenting, but this has a Netherlands context and is soooort of like Netherlands-based travel writing. It's a weird habit. I know it's a weird habit. And yet I persist, and here we are.

The book raises some interesting points, but ultimately it felt anecdote driven rather than data driven, to say nothing of the pro-Dutch bias here. The authors note at the end that the Dutch 'aren't really doing anything new. They are doing things modern-day American and British parents were brought up on themselves but seem to have lost sight of in their concerted, overly ambitious drive to perfection' (214). In other words, a lot of what the authors cite as Dutch parenting methods boil down to common sense...though often in ways that would be hard to translate to different cultural and legal systems. (Hard to say 'there shouldn't be so much emphasis to get ahead!' when being at the top of one's class can mean the difference between getting a scholarship to go to university and having to pay tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars, which means that the real takeaway here is 'overhaul the system').

I am interested, though, in the city/non-city differences. A number of the things that the authors claim smugly that the Dutch do and Americans don't are also things that Christopher Ingraham noticed when he moved from an American city to an American small town (e.g., the principal greeting every student by name). The Netherlands has only eight cities with a population over 200,000, and none with a population reaching a million; the U.S. has ten cities with a population over a million (and roughly 115 with a population over 200,000). You'd think that might be a factor, no? (Especially when The Happiest Kids in the World occasionally qualifies claims with 'at least not outside of the major cities'...)

I don't know. The book is fine, and I'm being unduly harsh, I think. I found it frustrating to see one of the authors cite Sheryl Sandburg as saying that '"The most important career decision you're going to make is whether or not you have a life partner and who that partner is"' and then follow that up with 'I wholeheartedly agree with Sandburg on the partner issue—that he needs to believe in equal roles' (151, emphasis added). I raised a sceptical eyebrow to hear that, by working outside the home, 'In Germany, I may well have been called a Rabenmutter (a "raven mother"; the birds are known for neglecting their young), but in the Netherlands there is no shame in working rather than being a stay-at-home mom' (156); I recently read Achtung Baby, about parenting in Germany, which also mentioned that Germany is...wait for it...much better designed for, and accepting of, working mothers than the U.S. I'm not entirely sure what the takeaways are meant to be, other than 'move to the Netherlands or be jealous of those of us who have'.

So it's...still fine. Two and a half stars. It's just not for me.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was written by a couple of expat moms, one from US and one from UK, writing about Dutch parenting, and how the children in the Netherlnds tend to be happier, less stressed, healthier, and with lower levels of obesity, rebellion, depressioin, and so do their parents. While the authors seem to attribute a lot of these desirable outcomes to culture, and how free range parenting is a norm, how schedules and eating together are sacrosanct, what I wish there had been more of was an emphasis on how their government actually allows those norms to be implemented-- the free medical care, the visiting baby nurses, the shorter work weeks, the guaranteed vacation leave, the low levels of inequality, the lack of access to guns, the lack of widespread poverty or violence-- those things are legislative as much as they are cultural, and all could be seen as key reasons for those ideal outcomes in measure of happiness. I did like and agree with a lot of the Dutch parenting ideas discussed. I do not think some of them would work if practiced in more diverse populations-- I think the homogeneity of the Dutch people in race, religion (or lack thereof), and a very European belief in , you know, SCIENCE, tends to cause some obstacles when those things don't allow for cultural norms or best practices in a lot of areas. Overall, enjoyed the book, learned a bit, and would recommend for folks who like parenting books. 3 stars.

[Ben Snowden · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's bad news when a book's contents can be replaced with one sentence: "The Dutch parenting technique is perfect."

Basically, the book's premise is, "move your family to where it's perfect, and your family will be perfect, and did we mention how perfect it is here?"

Don't get me wrong, it's interesting to see how another culture works. However, the syrupy sweet depiction plays out like a Hallmark movie called "My Heart Is In Holland."

You won't find much nuance in these pages. What you will find: an obsession with comparing Dutch parenting techniques to those used by parents in the US and UK.

The authors support most of their ideas with sweeping generalizations and anecdotal evidence. As other reviewers have pointed out, some claims in this book have been disproven by scientific studies.

[Charlotte · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was interesting, but I didn't love it. I agree with some of the things they do and disagreed with some too. But it's always interesting to see life through someone elses eyes.

[Shiloah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some nuggets but largely a passionate love for the liberal parental attitudes with unhealthy boundaries in the teen years. I enjoyed until then.

[Radek Gabinek · Rating 4 out of 5]

Osinskipoludzku.blogspot.com

"Najszczęśliwsze dzieci na świecie" to książka poświęcona holenderskiemu modelowi wychowania dzieci. Szczerze powiedziawszy to sam nie jestem w stanie powiedzieć co przyciągło mnie do tej lektury, ale cieszę się bo była to całkiem przyjemne doświadczenie. Pewnie, że nie jest to książka z gatunku "must read", ale miło jest poczytać o cywilizowanym kraju i o tym jak kształtować otwarte i dojrzale społeczeństwo, zwłaszcza gdy weźmiemy pod uwagę tragiczną kondycję naszego. 

To, że wychowanie jest trudną sztuką, a cały proces przygotowania dziecka do samodzielnego życia jako niezależnej osoby dorosłej jest narażony na wiele trudności i dylematów pewnie nikogo nie dziwi. Tym bardziej smutnym faktem jest to, iż w swym zadufaniu i klaustrofobicznym lęku przed wpływami z zewnątrz nie korzystamy jako naród z doświadczeń innych krajów w tym względzie, jak choćby właśnie Holendrów. Autorki tego opracowania wykonały kawał dobrej roboty przedstawiając w miarę kompleksowo holenderski pomysł na wychowanie dzieci od lat najmłodszych, poprzez dorastanie aż do dorosłości, biorąc przy tym pod uwagę zarówno wychowanie szkolne jak i to co odbywa się w ramach domu rodzinnego. Pomimo, że momentami poszły moim zdaniem w przesadę jeśli chodzi o bezkrytyczne wręcz wychwalanie tamtegoż systemu, bo jak wiemy zawsze znajdą się jakieś rysy i drugie dno, to koniec końców bardzo przypadł mi do gustu tamten model i z chęcią wykorzystał bym niektóre holenderskie rozwiązania jeśli miałbym taką możliwość.

Przejdźmy do rzeczy i przyjrzyjmy się głównym założeniom holenderskiego modelu wychowania. To co wysuwa się jako pierwsza znacząca różnica pomiędzy Holandią a Polską to kwestia przestrzeni osobistej jaką ma już bardzo małe dziecko w Holandii, które jest szybko uczone samodzielności i odrębności od rodzica. Dzieci w Holandii same się bawią, same chodzą ( bądź jeżdżą ma rowerze) do szkoły i nie są jak polskie dzieci narażone na nadopiekuńcze praktyki i wyręczanie ich niemal we wszystkim. Autorki bardzo skutecznie zamykają z góry usta wszystkim tym, którzy wyciągają argument o pedofilach i innych zagrożeniach, które mogą czekać na dzieci pozostawione bez opieki poza domem. Kolejna duża różnica, to konstrukcja systemu oceniania i kwalifikowania na kolejne etapy edukacji. W modelu holenderskim egzaminy to raczej formalność i pomocne narzędzie do kwalifikowania dzieci do poszczególnych profili, a u nas jest to narzędzie do wzmacniania wyścigu szczurów. Normalniejsze wydaje się również koncentrowanie przede wszystkim na zabawie w holenderskich przedszkolach podczas gdy w Polsce już kilkuletnie dzieci faszerowane są niepotrzebną wiedzą i propagandą. Dzieci w Holandii uczone są też postaw opartych na poszanowaniu różnego od własnego światopoglądu, szacunku do pieniądza, własności i odpowiedzialności za własne zachowania. Jeżeli chodzi o kształtowanie relacji jednostki do społeczeństwa to Holandia stawia na przeciętność. System edukacji nie koncentruje się na szczególnie uzdolnionych jednostkach kosztem tych przeciętnych, ale to właśnie wyposażenie w podobne zasoby ogółu staje się priorytetem.

Mógłbym jeszcze bardzo długo wymieniać bardzo mądre moim zdaniem i rzeczowe wnioski, które Holendrzy zastosowali na własnym gruncie jeżeli chodzi o wychowanie, ale to już każdy kto poczuł się zaciekawiony doczyta sobie sam. Ja natomiast chciałbym podsumować tę opinię refleksją, iż mimo że nieraz słyszymy forsowane w przestrzeni publicznej stanowisko o doskonałej kondycji modelu wychowania w naszym kraju i jakoby wyższości efektów polskiego systemu edukacji w porównaniu do innych krajów na świecie, a ja patrząc na stan polskiej młodzieży przemielonej przez ten system mam zgoła inne odczucia. Chyba zresztą nie tylko ja tak mam patrząc na coraz to nowe zakusy odnośnie reform w szkolnictwie. Szkoda tylko, że zamiast reformować u źródeł to decydenci pozorują zmiany spłycając problem do kwestii obecności lub nie gimnazjów w szkole. Może więc pora by przestać kisić się we własnym sosie i rozejrzeć wokół, a co do holenderskich dzieci to może nie są one aż tak szczęśliwe jak starają się nam przedstawić autorki książki, ale ośmielę się stwierdzić, że z pewnością bardziej autonomiczne i rozumiejące siebie niż dzieci i młodzież w naszym kraju, którym trudno odseparować się i nabyć świadome i prospołeczne postawy.

[Joel Freudenberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

I do not recommend reading an article about how deadly the Cybertruck is immediately followed by this book. It any Americans, Brits, Canadians, etc. to say "fuck this" and immediately join the "I want out" subreddit as you search for ways to move you and your loved ones to the Netherlands. The book can, at times, be frustrating, as it feels like there are some things that are impossible to implement here in the US. Kids here can't play in the streets or be as independent because they'll get hit by a car and die. I found Michele's chapters to be more relatable than Rina's, as Rina's preconceptions of success and achievement that she is trying to unlearn didn't really speak to me personally. Overall, it was a great read and gave me some ideas for how I might want to raise my own daughter but mostly it just made me want to get out of the United States.

[Theunis Snyman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book reminded me of my childhood. There was no pressure from my parents to perform. In primary school there was really not much in the way of homework. We played after school, or read books. I could walk the streets to the library, the butcher and the grocer. My friend and I wandered through the woods nearby. And we even walked to primary school. We went to High school by bus. We talked to each other during dinner and then listened to the news and the radio soap at twenty past seven. It was a very relaxed way of life. Perhaps that is why I am still happy today.

But those days are gone. Where the woods was is now the flower market. Schools for my children were too far to walk and there were no public transport. And everything is going faster and faster.

I like the relaxed way of parenting in the Netherlands. The US, The UK and South-Africa can learn a lot from the Dutch. But we must remember that the situations are not the same in all the countries. And I wonder if all parts of the Netherlands are the same. I do know that the northern parts of the Netherlands, where the authors live, are more liberal than other parts like the Bible belt in the centre of the Netherlands. And I would not recommend all of the ethics of the Dutch parents. Their view, for example, of sex during puberty will offend many Christians and Muslims. No wonder their youth is happy. But happiness is not the only thing parents must give their children. They must st also give their children the rules of a responsible life.

While we can learn a lot from the Dutch, not everything the parents do can be recommended.

But I would like someone to invite me for a Stamppot with sausages and gravy.

[Carolyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Dutch education and parenting system seems wonderful. While I was listening to the audio book, I kept stopping intermittently and texting my husband fervently, “We should move to the Netherlands, for the sake of the baby!” We most likely will never move to the Netherlands, too cold and acquiring citizenship is very difficult, but the book did bring up a lot of interesting points. Letting children solve issues between themselves without intervening to let them solve their own problems. If a child loses something, don’t replace it, let them save money to replace it themselves so they take better care of their things. Include children in dinner conversations, talk to them as an equal, so they feel more comfortable speaking to adults. Let them play, don’t push them to be something they’re not, let them be kids, and enjoy life. Don’t be afraid to take them out in inclement weather, so they can enjoy any type of weather. The US pushes top marks and perfect grades too much, kids lose confidence because they don’t feel like they live up to parent and teacher standards, they can’t enjoy their freedom. I want to tell my daughter “I don’t care if you end up being a janitor or the president, you are always loved, and if it makes you happy- you should pursue it with all your heart.”

[Alicia Harding · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Good Enough” :)

I called this review “good enough” because one of my favorite takeaways was the idea of good enough parenting. This book was the cure for what my own neurotic, anxious, guilt ridden, sparenting in the US. The Dutch talk about “good enough” parenting and living. There isn’t s drive for perfection like there often is here.

One of the criticism I keep seeing about this book is that it constantly compares Dutch parenting to that in the UK and US, but I felt the writers were upfront about that this is what this book is about.

My only criticism is that I felt like sometimes Dutch parenting was painted with rose colored glasses while UK and US parenting could at times be a bit of straw man. That being said though, I still liked most of the general concepts in this book. They helped me relax and realize my kid is going to be okay. I don’t need to “do it all” for my kids as is often the American way. It helped me recognize it’s important to take care of myself and just let go of somethings.

I do not agree with every piece of advice offered in this book. And some of the advice would be nearly impossible to follow outside of living in the Netherlands, but I loved the broad concepts of it.

[Margaret · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. Maybe this would've made more of an impression if I'd read it before The Nordic Theory of Everything: In Search of a Better Life (which contains a parenting chapter), but maybe not. It lacked the research I like in parenting books, and while it was anecdotal, it lacked the meaningful connections I look for in memoir parenting books. Parts came across as condescending, and while the authors constantly compare Dutch parents to British and the United States parents, never do they address the many factors that lead to those parenting styles, and what would need to change for Dutch parenting styles to become a reality in these countries. That's why I much prefer the style in The Nordic Theory of Everything. Let my toddler play outside by herself at 4? In the middle of a busy city, in a condo right by a busy street? Yeah, not going to happen. Cities are not set up for that kind of independence, though I agree with them in theory.

[Jim Landers · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nice book. As an American who has spent the past five years in the Netherlands, it feels like a pretty good outsider's summary of cultural differences with respect to parenting but also life here in general. I'd certainly recommend it for any expat parent living here.

Given that my partner is an educator with a strong interest in research and a practical approach, I think we would have parented in a more-Dutch-less-American way regardless of living here. I needed through the chairs on the younger years but there's a lot to consider as my kids will be teens before long.

One small complaint, if you have the audiobook version and even the smallest bit of Dutch knowledge, the readers will cause sure and constant pain to your ears in their pronunciation of any Dutch words.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love reading about other cultures and how they approach child-raising. Written by two ex-Pat moms, one from the US and one from the UK, there is much comparison to American and British parenting. They also reference many research studies including the UNICEF worldwide children’s happiness report. I appreciate and agree with the emphasis of the Dutch on play, being outdoors in all-weather, trusting children and increasingly “lengthening the leash”, biking everywhere, not doing for children what they can do for themselves, being in a supportive role and emphasizing authoritative vs. authoritarian parenting. The book gave me lots to think about in the ways I want to raise my own children and even how I define happiness.

[Brennan Jones · Rating 2 out of 5]

Couldn’t finish this book, which is very uncommon for me. Reads like a love letter to Holland and its parenting practices with constant negative comparisons of US and UK even though many of their practices are not feasible in these other 2 countries. Halfway through the book, it really hadn’t mentioned one negative or critical aspect of their own parenting culture. Nowhere is perfect, and this just wasn’t a helpful parenting book.

[Michael Wear · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly, could not finish this one. Did not enjoy it at all.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I should have been born in the Netherlands! 🇳🇱 I loved the ideas behind their bicycling culture, schooling philosophy for children, and national emphasis on family connection.

[Jes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up while reading a much denser academic monograph on the same subject (the more in-depth treatment is great too, but slow going!). Some ideas in this book were new and intriguing to me, like the very open-minded, non-dramatic way the Dutch handle conversations and family negotiations around teenagers’ sexual and romantic lives. Others aligned well with the values I already think/hope will be central to my parenting style, such as actively fostering self-sufficiency and autonomy from a very young age, valuing play over early academic achievement for young children in particular, not stressing about milestones or anxiously comparing your child’s progress to other children, giving children meaningful responsibility in the family & within their own lives (and teaching them how to handle it well), encouraging empathy and emotional self-regulation, and intentionally cultivating robust social networks so that children are known and loved by many caring adults.

It was also interesting to reflect on my own childhood and teenage years, which were in some senses very happy (I felt loved, cared for, and fulfilled) but in other ways were very unhappy, especially in my teen/college years. This book makes a pretty compelling argument that the American educational system sets children up for deep unhappiness, in part because of the way we frame everything as a competition and sort children into hierarchies of intelligence/skill/etc very early on. As a teenager I put an immense amount of pressure on myself to academically excel and derived my own (very shaky) sense of self-worth from my ability to best other people in competitive activities or in school. Everything felt so adversarial and I don’t remember feeling like my teachers particularly valued or taught qualities like collaboration, generosity with others, intellectual humility, etc. I still loved learning for its own sake, but I have strong memories of separating my private intellectual life from my school life. In college I would often skip classes that made me feel miserable and inadequate (discussions felt like everyone was trying to one-up each other) to hole up alone in the library instead stacks and read philosophy, history, literature for hours. It was almost like I gave myself a parallel college education where I could learn in a way that felt much more affirming and much less fraught than the experience I was having in traditional classrooms. Anyway!! I have a million thoughts about the American educational system and the way our cultural obsession with elite colleges can really warp children’s experiences of learning, but I won’t subject you to them here. This book does a wonderful job of vividly evoking a culture and an educational system that actively nurtures curiosity, collaboration, and exploration over competition. Kinda wish I lived there instead—it seems like it would be much easier place to raise children.

[AJ Payne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoy reading about how people parent around the world, so this fit in well with that theme. I also like some of the practices of European parents, so this was interesting to learn more about the Dutch specific things.

Overall this, along with lots of ‘other countries do it better!’ books, had a lot to say on how terrible parenting in the US (and in this case Britain) is and it’s so much better in the Netherlands. And probably in some ways it is, especially with the helicopter parenting thing and the ‘it’s all on the parents not the society’ mentality. But in general, that narrative is too simplistic.

What I did like was the last part of the book on teenagers. I’m terrified of having teenagers someday, so I always like different advice on how to connect with teens to avoid some of the negative things they could get into, and how to avoid them hating me.