Along with Atul Gawande's Being Mortal this book has opened my eyes to the immediate, likely future looming before my grandmother and for me as her caregiver. After 4 years of caregiving with its ups and downs, there are days I feel like I have a form of PTSD. There are days I feel like I'm losing my baseline (sanity) as surely as she's losing hers (health). But this book gave me perspective and hope and a dose of the reality I suspected but was ultimately too ignorant to nail down. It also showed me that we have choices not typically, or ever, presented and we may have to fight to enact those choices. I'm ready for the fight. I'm better equipped for this marathon.
"...the de facto mode of modern death looks something like this: Person falls sick, gets better, but never gets back to baseline, accumulating diagnoses and procedures until it becomes clear (usually quite belatedly) that more will not necessarily do any good. This makes sense for the vast majority of people, and perhaps with good reason, but a select few patients don't want to go down this trodden path."
The author talks a lot about fear of death itself (and all the attending suffering) and the fear of discussing death in families; that people don't broach the subject with their loved ones out of fear or respect, awkwardness or an unreadiness in themselves to face the thoughts. I don't know if we're a weird family in that way, but thankfully, none of my family members have any trouble talking about death, what they want for themselves at the end, and what our role will be as survivors (assuming the young outlive the old). There's no awkwardness, no stress, no fear. It's like talking about the weather. I didn't realize there was so much tension around this subject with most other families.
"Awareness of our mortality does more than remove the shroud of fear from death--it makes us kinder. One study showed that people who thought more about death were more likely to participate in selfless activities such as blood donation. Other research has shown that people who reflect about dying are more likely to donate to charities and have enhanced gratitude. And lastly, thinking of death, almost counterintuitively, reduces stress, and reducing stress is known to lead to a longer and healthier life."