Get A Life: His & Hers Survival Guide to IVF

by Rosie Bray, Richard Mackney

Richard and Rosie started trying to conceive after five years of being together but, two and a half years and countless prenatal vitamins and ovulation kits later, there hadn't been even a phantom pregnancy. So began their adventure into IVF, via blood tests, sperm tests, injections and probes, becoming involuntary experts on embryology through failure, despair, persistence and success.

After 4 years, 3 different clinics, 2 positive pregnancy tests and 1 miscarriage, they finally had a successful pregnancy.

GET A LIFE is the perfect down-to-earth guide for anyone thinking of embarking on fertility treatment. It's two books in one, a book of advice for women and a survival guide for men, each chapter mirrored but with very different experience and advice. IVF is terrifying, awful and extraordinary in equal measures for both partners.

GET A LIFE shares Richard and Rosie's ride on the fertility roller coaster, bringing you the funny, emotional and physical sides of IVF. It is an invaluable guide from both perspectives on how to get through the process in one piece.

Genres: Nonfiction

320 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2015

Reviews

[ThatBookGal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny and relatable, I'll be recommending this one to lots of family members who want to understand more about the process. There is not much new information to be gained here if you are already underway with IVF in the UK, but its always great to read others experiences. Particularly great at reminding you that your worries, concerns and fears are all perfectly normal.

[Hannah May · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked that out of the IVF literature out there that this book had the male and female points of view, and that is what drew me to get this one.

I read the entire book, although I'm sure the point was to read the "relevant" section of each chapter. But I felt like reading the male point of view would be good so I could understand what it was like for my husband to go through this all.

However, I disliked Richard. He said several things that I didn't like and felt he was quite chauvinistic and narrow-minded and aggressive at times but then again his sections weren't written with me in mind, his audience has considerably more testosterone!

I did, however, relate to Rosie's earlier chapters (the parts of this infertility journey I had already experienced), and that felt validating to read that I wasn't alone in my feelings. I finished the book the day before my egg collection, even though egg collection was chapter 7 out of 16, and the last few chapters delve into miscarriage and having a successful cycle and being pregnant.

I don't think this book gave me any knowledge of the IVF/conception process that I didn't already know from the thorough educational videos our clinic made us watch. (It took me back to studying for my degree!) and lots of the information given is now out of date or contradicts the information from my clinic. Also the authors' journey was quite different to our own (I think like pregnancies can really vary, so can infertility experiences) so I'm not sure how helpful reading this book actually was for me and John didn't really like hearing Richard's horror story! Although it is always good to hear about a successful IVF baby, I will say that! However, I do feel like the chapters on getting a negative result and going through miscarriage will be the most helpful to me if we aren't successful...but I'm staying hopeful, of course, because as both authors say in their respective sections; being positive can only help things work!

[Julia · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author attempts humor, but is just unkind

This book gave a lot of advice, some helpful, some bizarre, some that doesn’t line up with modern science.

But more than that, I just could not get over how nasty Richard Mackney was throughout. Whenever he spoke about anyone else seeking fertility treatment, he would mention how old, nasty, ugly, and fat the men were and how desperate and old (and saggy—he used the word “saggy” to describe women a handful of years older than his wife at the time).

The words he wrote were appalling, unkind, and the very people he wants to read this book. The “other” people he describes so cruelly in those waiting rooms at fertility clinics.

These people do not deserve your money. Find a better book.

[Suzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing. I have never read anything that has been so accurate and true to how I feel going through the same thing, and it has done absolute wonders for me to not feel like I am so alone in this journey and that other people do feel exactly the same. That alone makes it worthwhile to read. The book follows the couples journey whilst they try for a baby, and leads the reader through the actual Ivf process, in his and hers chapters. I read both sections, and they are written brilliantly, even succeeding in being funny at times. An absolute gem of a book and I am so glad I bought it. I'll be keeping to use as a reference in the future.

[Andrea Berardi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is amazing. I have never read anything that has been so accurate. I like the his and hers chapters and the various perspectives.

[Rachel Cuseo · Rating 3 out of 5]

More detailed book than others I've read going through each step of the IVF process, but I didn't learn anything new and some of the information is not the same for my own experience. Each chapter is the next step and gives "Her" point of view first then "His". It was nice to see a husband so invested and give his opinion, but I honestly skipped most of his chapters because it wasn't very applicable, and I didn't really enjoy his writing but I don't think I was his intended audience. Also has tips from them and a consultant at the end of each chapter.

[Steven Lloyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Wife and I bought this and 2 other books from WOB, deciding which one to start with we both realised just how incredible this particular one was, I’ve been reading the chapters for men and her the women, at times the book was teaching me about the harsh reality of IVF, especially your partner, other times it had me crying with laughter about how he detailed his experience of producing a sample.
All in all I don’t think we could have chosen a better book to read before starting IVF, and I would recommend to anyone with a sense of humour.
Good Luck!

[TJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Eh, it was alright. I think the most use for me was the general information and statistics for a man like me who is very unfamiliar with IVF, I think it was different than what I wanted, too personal. It seemed, to me, that a lot of the things about motherhood were taken as given, which, I admit, may be something that is more specific to me. I think I would've appreciated a book where less things were given or inherent, and more about why the couple wanted children, but even when they dipped into that aspect, I felt as though some of the comments were dubious or concerning.

[Pip · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting but the 'his' parts are obnoxious, as if they're written by a caricature of a 'bloke.' The guy in it spends most of the time talking about how he only has a 'passing interest' in the whole thing and what the 'nice petite lady doctor' has to say (who he has to 'resist punching'?!). His main advice is just to avoid being too obvious about the fact of his indifference in front of the Mrs even if her questions/emotions are 'obsessive and mad'.

[alesssia · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very personal account of the authors' IVF journey with wisdom useful for other couples as well. "Her" sections are more detailed and emotional, "his" sections are mostly focused on the (male) author's inability to masturbate on demand but his style is brilliant and he managed to be somehow sweet and funny, despite the subject matter.

[Darrah Steffen · Rating 3 out of 5]

While it had decent information, I felt at times the perspectives were a bit insensitive. As some of the other reviewers said the male perspective seemed to either be trying too hard to be funny or just came off as a stereotype.

Also this as an American, the things they said about NHS do not apple (but I haven't seen any good ivf books written by Americans)

[Keshia R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super informative. I took the book piece by piece. When I was in a certain part of my IVF journey I would read that section. Thank goodness for their help because there is limited resources for those going through IVF. Especially from a man’s perspective.

[Katie Trory · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a great book to read for couples going through IVF. I found it really reassuring to read the Her sections and really helpful to read the His section to see things from my husbands point of view.

[Kim McCoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked the format of this book with the advice from both husband and wife.

[Jacqie Wheeler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Full thoughts in my wrap up video:https://youtu.be/nWn7Y_2V2rc

[Elizabeth Lund]

British

[Alex Lambert · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must-read for anyone about to start IVF.

[Hristina Kaspshik · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was so excited when I found this book. I needed a book like this, written in a simple, understanding way, to help me understand what to expect at each stage of this not-so-pleasant journey and how to survive it. I read it slowly, chapter by chapter, just before each "event," and I learned a lot.
I even thought it would help my partner, but the male part was horrible. He was insensitive and constantly described the other women (doctors) as good-looking. He hinted several times that she was the one who wanted to have children and that her clock was ticking as if he didn't care if they had children or not. He couldn't do the only thing he was supposed to do. I was mad, and I felt sorry for Rosie.

I am so grateful to Rosiе for sharing her story. She deserves her name to be written first in the book.
I would have given it five stars if it wasn't for the male part. Actually, I give the HERS part 5 stars and the HIS part 1 star, so 6/2 = 3.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

The "his" side of the story was fun to read, despite the subject matter. None of the information was new to us, having done IVF three times already, and there are a few differences between my process and theirs, since mine have been in Canada and South Africa, but I would recommend this book even to friends and family to help them try to understand it.

[Jassy Custer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank god for this book. It has everything you need to know for navigating IVF/fertility treatments. Very supportive and informative