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what if i got down on my knees
what if i got down on my knees? presents romantic misadventures and entanglements of absurd, whimsical, existential longing, featuring discovery, secrets, identity, escape, strange happenings, endurance, regret, and hope. The stories are little postcards from the lonely regions of the human heart.
These tales of wonder are about people trying to find meaning and a place in an indifferent world, and their discoveries, revelations, secrets, failures, struggles, connections, and odd encounters along the way—
—two unemployed men steal dogs and run them through buildings around town.
—a man goes on what turns into the worst date in recorded history.
—you are asked to baby-sit for a neighbor, only to find a giant baby waiting for you.
—a man comes home to find his entire yard and home paved over by a long lost rival.
—a clerk at a used record store finds a man has passed away on one of the couches.
—some young adults go into the basement to get sad, in order to impress girls.
—a stranger extracts a baby from a man waiting for the bus.
With themes of longing, fragility, uncertainty, impermanence, regret, the mysteries hidden in everyday life, discovery, ennui, loneliness, irresponsible behavior, confusion, change, identity, and absurd situations, Tony Rauch is a worthy successor to the artistry and absurdism of Donald Barthelme and Steve Martin.
These tales of wonder are about people trying to find meaning and a place in an indifferent world, and their discoveries, revelations, secrets, failures, struggles, connections, and odd encounters along the way—
—two unemployed men steal dogs and run them through buildings around town.
—a man goes on what turns into the worst date in recorded history.
—you are asked to baby-sit for a neighbor, only to find a giant baby waiting for you.
—a man comes home to find his entire yard and home paved over by a long lost rival.
—a clerk at a used record store finds a man has passed away on one of the couches.
—some young adults go into the basement to get sad, in order to impress girls.
—a stranger extracts a baby from a man waiting for the bus.
With themes of longing, fragility, uncertainty, impermanence, regret, the mysteries hidden in everyday life, discovery, ennui, loneliness, irresponsible behavior, confusion, change, identity, and absurd situations, Tony Rauch is a worthy successor to the artistry and absurdism of Donald Barthelme and Steve Martin.
205 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 24, 2015
8 people want to read
About the author
Tony Rauch
14 books7 followersTony Rauch is an architectural and urban designer, and an all-around great guy filled with nothing but good things. Good things.
He has two books of funky/jazzy/arty short stories in print: I’m Right Here (Spout Press) and Laredo (Eraserhead Press). Some dark and gothic, some kinda sci-fi, some absurdist, some experimental, some fairytale, some fantasy-ish, some dream-like and surreal, some social satire.
His two screenplays are available for reading on his website.
Eraserhead Press plans to publish additional collections of his short stories, beginning with Now We Can Buy a Monkey (surreal, action adventure, fantasy, sci-fi, dream-like pieces) and then Despite Our Best Efforts (absurdist pieces).
He has two books of funky/jazzy/arty short stories in print: I’m Right Here (Spout Press) and Laredo (Eraserhead Press). Some dark and gothic, some kinda sci-fi, some absurdist, some experimental, some fairytale, some fantasy-ish, some dream-like and surreal, some social satire.
His two screenplays are available for reading on his website.
Eraserhead Press plans to publish additional collections of his short stories, beginning with Now We Can Buy a Monkey (surreal, action adventure, fantasy, sci-fi, dream-like pieces) and then Despite Our Best Efforts (absurdist pieces).
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
July 23, 2015
What if I got down on my knees? is a mix of poems, vignettes and short stories divided into four parts, told in an anecdotal style. The writing is very free, introspective and personal. Much of what might seem random at first becomes tangible and relatable, both when looking at each story and the cohesion of the book as a whole. Longing, regret and loneliness are often a focus, but there is more here. Much of the everyday, real life observations turn into substantial, beautiful and relevant themes of human nature.
These observations range from growing up, the changes involved, and how we deal with those changes:
“When we were younger, we were going to inflate the world, give it color and depth, but then we got too tired, worked too much, dissipated our energy, and then the world chased us away (from the idiot’s guide to morons).”
“Those kids are so lucky, they’re mostly unspoiled by life, not burdened, not burdened by their dreams, haven’t made too mistakes, haven’t had too many lies told about them or to them yet. I guess regrets are an indication you’ve lived a big life with lots of choices (from modern problems part 364,927).”
There is also a focus on the value of looking upon the past and keeping the memories that truly matter as we grow up:
“And I thought about being here so long ago, how that blackness filled me, held me in place like an ancient solid, and how it filled me to overflowing, and I’d do anything to empty some of it out, girls and drinking and yelling and running all around. But now it all seemed so empty, it all looked so blank and felt so cold, like there was nothing there at all, like it was all gone, like there was nothing left for anyone (from riding the range with the cowboy spies).”
Non-requited love also rears its’ head as a common theme for most of the characters. This is done with more than enough skill to keep it from ever becoming redundant. It was very easy to be the main character and empathize. While the 2nd half was stronger in my opinion than the first, it was original in the both sequencing of the stories and their subject matter throughout. My favorites were “In the Dust,” “I Used to Know Her,” “Modern Problems,” “Riding the Range With the Cowboy Spies,” “Hooray for all the Children,” and “How I Hope to Die.”
This book was loaded with introspective questions, struggling to balance the person inside and the one we show on the outside. What significance do we play in this thing we call life? What impression do we leave?
Tony Rauch’s voice is unique and worth the time put into reading this. When being descriptive, it was beautiful. When relaying the life experience and situations of the characters, I certainly related. 4 of 5 stars.
These observations range from growing up, the changes involved, and how we deal with those changes:
“When we were younger, we were going to inflate the world, give it color and depth, but then we got too tired, worked too much, dissipated our energy, and then the world chased us away (from the idiot’s guide to morons).”
“Those kids are so lucky, they’re mostly unspoiled by life, not burdened, not burdened by their dreams, haven’t made too mistakes, haven’t had too many lies told about them or to them yet. I guess regrets are an indication you’ve lived a big life with lots of choices (from modern problems part 364,927).”
There is also a focus on the value of looking upon the past and keeping the memories that truly matter as we grow up:
“And I thought about being here so long ago, how that blackness filled me, held me in place like an ancient solid, and how it filled me to overflowing, and I’d do anything to empty some of it out, girls and drinking and yelling and running all around. But now it all seemed so empty, it all looked so blank and felt so cold, like there was nothing there at all, like it was all gone, like there was nothing left for anyone (from riding the range with the cowboy spies).”
Non-requited love also rears its’ head as a common theme for most of the characters. This is done with more than enough skill to keep it from ever becoming redundant. It was very easy to be the main character and empathize. While the 2nd half was stronger in my opinion than the first, it was original in the both sequencing of the stories and their subject matter throughout. My favorites were “In the Dust,” “I Used to Know Her,” “Modern Problems,” “Riding the Range With the Cowboy Spies,” “Hooray for all the Children,” and “How I Hope to Die.”
This book was loaded with introspective questions, struggling to balance the person inside and the one we show on the outside. What significance do we play in this thing we call life? What impression do we leave?
Tony Rauch’s voice is unique and worth the time put into reading this. When being descriptive, it was beautiful. When relaying the life experience and situations of the characters, I certainly related. 4 of 5 stars.
March 17, 2016
When CCLaP goes back to accepting outside submissions again in 2017, I think one of the new rules we'll be making is to no longer accept story collections, the reason for which is illustrated perfectly by Tony Rauch's what if i got down on my knees?; for while the pieces I read were, you know, whatever, just fine, they also rarely lasted more than a few pages apiece, and as a guy who primarily does long-form analytical looks at full-length novels, I find it nearly impossible to do reviews of such "blink and they're gone" work that doesn't somehow sound like a patronizing aunt who never wanted to read the book in the first place ("It was fine, dear, just perfectly lovely"). Short-story authors deserve a better review than this for their collections, and it's becoming clear that CCLaP is not the place to get such better reviews, so I'll just leave it for today at a general recommendation for those who are specifically seeking out little throwaway pieces that can each be read during a typical bathroom visit, while admitting that this is easily skippable for those without such an interest.
Out of 10: 7.5
Out of 10: 7.5
August 7, 2015
Tony Rauch is one of those humorous writers that can easily make you laugh. I've read 3 outta 4 of his collections. If you need a pick me up, had a bad day at work. Or your dog went sky diving with out a chute, then let Tony tell you a story.
Pieces that I think are a crack up!
-Lesser Gods: A date night/worse nightmare all rolled into a pile of dung, Literally! Hilarious 5 Stars
-Congratulations: A baby is born every second of the day. But what if.....
-Silhouette: The closing shorts to this section has a very unique writing style(another thing I dig about Tony's work.)
-Hooray for Children: A lesson learned from schoolyard bullies, comes later during adolescent years in the form of death...Frog Boy is out there.....BEWARE!
Pieces that I think are a crack up!
-Lesser Gods: A date night/worse nightmare all rolled into a pile of dung, Literally! Hilarious 5 Stars
-Congratulations: A baby is born every second of the day. But what if.....
-Silhouette: The closing shorts to this section has a very unique writing style(another thing I dig about Tony's work.)
-Hooray for Children: A lesson learned from schoolyard bullies, comes later during adolescent years in the form of death...Frog Boy is out there.....BEWARE!
January 9, 2016
As this romantically bizarre story collection was published by my literary journal, Whistling Shade, I'll recuse myself from reviewing it ... except to say how jazzed I feel about publishing Tony Rauch!
September 2, 2018
Full Review
Overall, what if i got down on my knees? is a strong collection of short fiction that didn’t disappoint me at all. Fans of science fiction will probably get more out of eyeballs growing all over me …again, but I highly recommend this one to fans of short stories in general.
Overall, what if i got down on my knees? is a strong collection of short fiction that didn’t disappoint me at all. Fans of science fiction will probably get more out of eyeballs growing all over me …again, but I highly recommend this one to fans of short stories in general.
February 8, 2017
Beautiful writing, whimsical sense of humour and strong characters’ voices. I received a copy of this novel from the author and I voluntarily review it for Lit World Interviews.
Short stories are acquired taste. We might think a short read is perfect because we are always rushing and don’t have a lot of time, but sometimes we might feel disappointed when the story ends and we’ve invested time and, in the best of cases, emotions only to have to get to know some new characters after a few pages. Of course, not all short stories are born equal. And this collection of short stories by Tony Rauch proves the point.
Some of the short stories in this collection are whimsical (surreal) and might leave you scratching your head (or looking up to the sky searching for… No spoilers) , some are vignettes illustrating the lives of people who might appear content with their lives at a superficial level, but whose thoughts and worries run deeper than it seems, many are about lonely people wondering about others and trying to connect (in some occasions with hilarious consequences), some are about pretending to be something or somebody else, about growing up, about growing old, about moving on or remembering the past…
The quality of the writing is superb, and the first person narratives cleverly capture the speech and rhythms of the characters, who sometimes are talking to others, sometimes conducting an internal monologue with themselves, or even writing a story. From young kids trying to impress their friends to old men dying, from people contemplating a new relationship to others letting go, these few pages run the whole gamut of experiences and emotions.
To give you some examples:
His skin appeared two sizes too tight for his body, stiff and washed out, like he’d gotten it secondhand, or found it in an alley late at night.
His suit is mythical—straight, lean, long, pure, giving, musical, thoughtful, caring, dynamic, cosmopolitan, unselfish, strong, industrious, and nostalgic for his mother, her peanut butter cookies, and snowy Christmas mornings.
“And what would someone do with a dream of mine? Where would you keep it?”
“I’d stretch it out to create a sail, and then use it to float off to who knows where,” I advise.
Some of the stories are nostalgic and melancholy, but there are great comedic moments, ranging from slapstick to joyful turns of phrase (and oh, a so very satisfying revenge story). Another example I highlighted:
Eventually, he turned up in over 3000 cans of a popular brand of tuna. A horrible fate to be sure, and amplified by the fact that the guy was notoriously reputed to detest tuna.
I won’t tell you which stories I liked the most as I’d find it difficult. I checked the reviews, and on reading the comments when the reviewers mentioned a story or another I’d agree with them. So… Just go and read them and enjoy their variety.
Short stories are acquired taste. We might think a short read is perfect because we are always rushing and don’t have a lot of time, but sometimes we might feel disappointed when the story ends and we’ve invested time and, in the best of cases, emotions only to have to get to know some new characters after a few pages. Of course, not all short stories are born equal. And this collection of short stories by Tony Rauch proves the point.
Some of the short stories in this collection are whimsical (surreal) and might leave you scratching your head (or looking up to the sky searching for… No spoilers) , some are vignettes illustrating the lives of people who might appear content with their lives at a superficial level, but whose thoughts and worries run deeper than it seems, many are about lonely people wondering about others and trying to connect (in some occasions with hilarious consequences), some are about pretending to be something or somebody else, about growing up, about growing old, about moving on or remembering the past…
The quality of the writing is superb, and the first person narratives cleverly capture the speech and rhythms of the characters, who sometimes are talking to others, sometimes conducting an internal monologue with themselves, or even writing a story. From young kids trying to impress their friends to old men dying, from people contemplating a new relationship to others letting go, these few pages run the whole gamut of experiences and emotions.
To give you some examples:
His skin appeared two sizes too tight for his body, stiff and washed out, like he’d gotten it secondhand, or found it in an alley late at night.
His suit is mythical—straight, lean, long, pure, giving, musical, thoughtful, caring, dynamic, cosmopolitan, unselfish, strong, industrious, and nostalgic for his mother, her peanut butter cookies, and snowy Christmas mornings.
“And what would someone do with a dream of mine? Where would you keep it?”
“I’d stretch it out to create a sail, and then use it to float off to who knows where,” I advise.
Some of the stories are nostalgic and melancholy, but there are great comedic moments, ranging from slapstick to joyful turns of phrase (and oh, a so very satisfying revenge story). Another example I highlighted:
Eventually, he turned up in over 3000 cans of a popular brand of tuna. A horrible fate to be sure, and amplified by the fact that the guy was notoriously reputed to detest tuna.
I won’t tell you which stories I liked the most as I’d find it difficult. I checked the reviews, and on reading the comments when the reviewers mentioned a story or another I’d agree with them. So… Just go and read them and enjoy their variety.
January 9, 2016
Rauch's writing style is smooth yet spicy, sumptuous, and rich with delicious detail. His stories reach out from a foundation of solid reality, then climb almost immediately into a sky of surreal possibility. In the center of each piece of writing is something special, though. A tiny nugget of gold that blossoms in the mind and leaves you with a sense of wonder stemming from the flakes of knowledge or whimsy so subtly imparted through such easily executed prose.
"What If I Got Down On My Knees" is a collection composed of such stories, and the talented Tony Rauch does not disappoint in his delivery. From "Modern Problems" (my personal favorite) to "Riding The Range With The Cowboy Spies" (another favorite), "What If I Got Down On My Knees" is a solid addition to the greater whole of the literature of the modern day (as well as to any serious bibliophile's bookcase.)
"What If I Got Down On My Knees" is a collection composed of such stories, and the talented Tony Rauch does not disappoint in his delivery. From "Modern Problems" (my personal favorite) to "Riding The Range With The Cowboy Spies" (another favorite), "What If I Got Down On My Knees" is a solid addition to the greater whole of the literature of the modern day (as well as to any serious bibliophile's bookcase.)
March 24, 2017
Described as "a series of romantic misadventures and entanglements," the book mainly consists of colorful vignettes of oddball characters that don't necessarily involve love and relationships. For example, "In the Dust" was about dogs? Mmmm...
Judging by the subtitle, I anticipated comedic tales on the struggles and downfalls of love, marriage, and relationships. I mean, getting down on your knees is a symbiotic element of the whole marriage thing. I found it strange that these stories had nothing to do with that. Instead, they were eclectic, ranging from subject matters of music, religion and football, new neighbors, a father's secret, and shiny things.
One of the few tales that involved dating was "Lesser Gods," which was about a guy raving on and on about the excitement he felt over a girl asking him out. He was even going so far as to ask people on the street if he could hug them. Hug them? Really? Weirdo.
Another weirdo was in "Congratulations," which involved a pregnant guy. WTF?! And this stranger was trying to extract the baby??? What!
For me, the stories didn't really make any sense. They tended to ramble aimlessly with little to no direction. I mean, what was the point in all of this? What was the theme that tied these wacky stories together? I usually don't mind if a story has some wayward style or bleak irony. Yes, for some stories, the sky is green and the grass is blue, and it can still make sense in some interesting way. I'm sorry to say that these were not interesting. They were more odd, confusing, and just plain weird.
Judging by the subtitle, I anticipated comedic tales on the struggles and downfalls of love, marriage, and relationships. I mean, getting down on your knees is a symbiotic element of the whole marriage thing. I found it strange that these stories had nothing to do with that. Instead, they were eclectic, ranging from subject matters of music, religion and football, new neighbors, a father's secret, and shiny things.
One of the few tales that involved dating was "Lesser Gods," which was about a guy raving on and on about the excitement he felt over a girl asking him out. He was even going so far as to ask people on the street if he could hug them. Hug them? Really? Weirdo.
Another weirdo was in "Congratulations," which involved a pregnant guy. WTF?! And this stranger was trying to extract the baby??? What!
For me, the stories didn't really make any sense. They tended to ramble aimlessly with little to no direction. I mean, what was the point in all of this? What was the theme that tied these wacky stories together? I usually don't mind if a story has some wayward style or bleak irony. Yes, for some stories, the sky is green and the grass is blue, and it can still make sense in some interesting way. I'm sorry to say that these were not interesting. They were more odd, confusing, and just plain weird.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews