Reunion: The Girls We Used to Be, the Women We Became

by Elizabeth Fishel

In this revealing book, the stories of women's lives -- what happened to the class of '68 at New York's prestigious Brearley School -- are woven into a reflection on what makes for a successful woman's life. Journalist and 1968 Brearley graduate Elizabeth Fishel chronicles the internal and external forces that shaped the lives of an in-between generation, women raised in '50s and early '60s privilege to be genteel and intelligent helpmates, yet who witnessed on graduation in 1968 dramatic changes and transformation in sexual expectations and roles and in society, requiring them to adapt. Fishel considers what has happened to her classmates and the more general insights about why some women in this generation thrived, while others did not. Why did most women from the class of '68 not do quite as well as the women who graduated only five years later? Fishel investigates women's styles of coping, their methods and modes of shaping their own lives, and eventually, the lives of their children.Fishel's story revolves around of the convergence of historical forces -- women's liberation, the sexual revolution, the civil rights movement, Vietnam -- and personal changes -- going to college, falling in love, navigating a career course, marriage, having and raising children. Through compelling portraits of her classmates, Fishel outlines the copers, the strugglers, the traditionalists, and the unconventional career trackers from the late 1960s to the late 1990s, examining the decisions and strategies that worked, or didn't work. For the class of 1968, a year Time Magazine would say "shaped a generation, " growing up meant grappling with two sets of assumptions -- those of their conservative andtraditional upbringing and those of the counter-culture life around them. Fishel considers what it meant to be tom between two worlds, and explores where they are at midlife. Fishel looks at why this particular generation flowered or floudered, while the class only five years behind them had more consistently successful careers and family lives.

This book is filled with portraits of women: the success stories -- Alexa, Tess, Judith, and Fishel herself -- as well as the women who didn't cope quite as well, the less conventional stories -- Pamela, Maisie and Emma, as well as the tragedies -- the story of twins, Alice and Lily.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

304 pages, Hardcover

First published March 7, 2000

Reviews

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quotable:

After graduation Maisie decides to go to library school – a safe, cozy, useful career. And she’s always loved to read, ever since she’d curled up on the scratchy window-seat cushion in Brearley’s Lower School library, alternately reading and staring out at the pewter-gray East River rolling past Eighty-third Street, until her eyes glazed and she drifted into dreams. She especially loved to lose herself in books when her own life pressed in on her.

[P]art of what made living in her family so tense was behaviors typical of alcoholics or abusers, behaviors like denial and masking feelings and responding in inappropriate ways.

Loving to read and feeling womblike safety among books, she was seduced by the cozy security that a career as a librarian seemed to offer.

Pam knew herself well enough to know that she simply didn’t have the energy or divided focus to sustain another being. And she was honest enough to admit it even in a circle of many motherhood choosing friends. “The need to be alone” is how she defined what she craved and what she could not give up for children. “That’s the part of parenting that made it not an option.” She knew she needed “some incredibly nourishing time without responsibilities” for her personal passions and pursuits, “gardening, meditating, art.” “Not everyone has that need,” she allowed, but admitted, “I know that about myself – it would be folly.” She’d watched the round-the-clock duty of friends with their kids and accepted her own limitations.

Being devoted aunts has let both Emma and Tess experience motherhood at one step removed; perhaps the pleasures have been diluted but so have the pains.

“In turning fifty,” says Tess, “I feel like I’m really an adult. It’s all been a practice round until now.”

Reading and the love of books is one of such pleasure that has comforted them since they curled up on the cozy window seats of Brearley’s Lower School library and lost themselves in a novel or let nonfiction expand their world. Virtually everyone I interviewed about her fondest memories of the school recalled this private yet sphere-widening pleasure, and cited reading as a lifetime and psyche-charger today. For Maisie, reading was a healing and soothing childhood escape from a highly adult-centered household; now she enriches her marriage by attending a book group with her husband. Judith unwinds after a long day’s juggling by reading a few pages of Emma before she goes to sleep (she’s reread the novel at least twenty times), and Jill read every book extant on divorce to keep her sane when her own marriage came undone.

For someone who rejected the housewife role, keeping my own environment pleasant has become more important.

[Sue Seligman · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very interesting nonfiction book which follows the lives and careers of the 1968 graduating class from Brearley, a Manhattan girls' private school. I was intrigued by the subject matter since I grew up around the same time on Long Island, although I went to public school, and graduated from high school in 1973. Yet the events and climate of the country in the late 1960s and early 1970s were pivotal in shaping the lives of individuals growing up during that time period. It was an era of social and political upheaval and change and expanding opportunities and challenges for women. The author of this book is herself a member of this class and writes from the unique perspective of knowing her subjects. This was very interesting and brought to the surface the difficulties and obstacles faced by many women of a certain age. This book was published a little over 10 years ago; it would be interesting to see how the women are now navigating the "AARP" years...lol. I definitely recommend this book to those of us who are interested in reliving their "coming of age" years and beyond.

[Lennie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Author, Elizabeth Fishel, graduated from a prestigious all-girls private school in NYC in 1968. During that period of time, her and her classmates were struggling with their feminine identity. Should they adopt the traditional role of wife and mother as their own mothers had or should they seek a career and be independent which seemed to be a new option, thanks to the women's movement. If you like studying historic time periods in our country's history, this is a great book to read!

[Phoebems · Rating 1 out of 5]

Booooring.