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Violated
Listening Length: 9 hours and 42 minutes.
Derek Sawyer thinks he has it all—a high-salaried position, a boyfriend, a dog, even a new cabin on the lake—until a business trip with his manager and best friend, Victor, shatters his world.
One night of drunken horsing around in their hotel room leads to the most intensely personal violation Derek has ever endured. As if the humiliation of working under his attacker every day isn’t enough, Victor reports Derek for sexual harassment. Now he’s without a job, without a boyfriend, and the mortgage on the cabin is due.
Officer Russ Thomas has worked with rape victims before, and it doesn’t take him long to sort out the truth in Derek’s tale. With his support, Derek finally reports the crime, months after it happened. But restraining orders and lawyers further Victor’s anger toward him, and even though a relationship develops between Derek and the policeman, Russ can’t be there to protect him all the time.
Derek Sawyer thinks he has it all—a high-salaried position, a boyfriend, a dog, even a new cabin on the lake—until a business trip with his manager and best friend, Victor, shatters his world.
One night of drunken horsing around in their hotel room leads to the most intensely personal violation Derek has ever endured. As if the humiliation of working under his attacker every day isn’t enough, Victor reports Derek for sexual harassment. Now he’s without a job, without a boyfriend, and the mortgage on the cabin is due.
Officer Russ Thomas has worked with rape victims before, and it doesn’t take him long to sort out the truth in Derek’s tale. With his support, Derek finally reports the crime, months after it happened. But restraining orders and lawyers further Victor’s anger toward him, and even though a relationship develops between Derek and the policeman, Russ can’t be there to protect him all the time.
10 pages, Audible Audio
First published August 7, 2015
22 people are currently reading
684 people want to read
About the author
Jamie Fessenden
45 books389 followersJamie Fessenden set out to be a writer in junior high school. He published a couple short pieces in his high school's literary magazine and had another story place in the top 100 in a national contest, but it wasn't until he met his partner, Erich, almost twenty years later, that he began writing again in earnest. With Erich alternately inspiring and goading him, Jamie wrote several screenplays and directed a few of them as micro-budget independent films. He then began writing novels and published his first novella in 2010.
After nine years together, Jamie and Erich married and purchased a house together in the wilds of Raymond, New Hampshire, where there are no street lights, turkeys and deer wander through their yard, and coyotes serenade them on a nightly basis. Jamie recently left his "day job" as a tech support analyst to be a full-time writer.
After nine years together, Jamie and Erich married and purchased a house together in the wilds of Raymond, New Hampshire, where there are no street lights, turkeys and deer wander through their yard, and coyotes serenade them on a nightly basis. Jamie recently left his "day job" as a tech support analyst to be a full-time writer.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 159 reviews
February 9, 2017
A Hearts On Fire Review
4.5 HEARTS-- Hello Mr. Fessenden. It's a pleasure to finally read your work. *pushes up glasses* I'm your newest fan. :)
I'm not one to hand out high ratings just because an author can handle a difficult subject. If anything, I'm even tougher on the story because I don't want pretty, simple happy endings once an 'owwie' is introduced. I recently read and reviewed a book on this blog where the main character was sexually assaulted and they miraculously recovered from the event to have sex with the new guy...in a few days.
I hate that.
Don't you think realistically it takes time to recover? Why must the victim jump back in the sex & emotions saddle to satisfy the reader instead of their self organically? Why can't the book give the victimized character due justice, a love story, a believable plot and back story?
If you're a reader like me who finds any of what I just mentioned your kind of thing, then let me introduce you to Jamie Fessenden's "Violated".
Because it is one hell of a book, without trying too hard. (Okay, I think there were minor quibbles for me. Quibblets, if you will.) But overall, excellent writing.
Told in dual timeline and alternating POV, Violated follows Derek Sawyer who has a sucky life with an overly jealous fiance, a sweet dog and a jerky muscle head best friend who is also his supervisor. Derek bought a vacation home/cabin in the woods of New Hampshire with his reluctant fiance, Tim and meets his hunky cop neighbor, Russ Thomas. Don't worry, no cheating happens. Russ is looking for love and tries social clubs and hookups but he keeps going back in his head to Derek.
The book title & blurb is a key hint as to what happened in the book. And it will be a deal breaker for some. Trigger warning: rape and abuse.
So let's just kick open the door without spoilering.
The rape and the aftermath. Was it graphic? Yes. And the aftermath was realistic. The PTSD. It struck a chord with me. A natural reaction for some might be the should have, could have and would have done in that type of situation but unless you've been in that situation, don't judge. It's a hard thing to do. And I can't judge a rape victim's choice. The numbers are out there, sadly each person doesn't get justice or get to see their rapist put behind bars. Nor does each victim seek counseling or speak up for themselves. I thought Derek's reactions to everything: before, during and after were true to life. Even the choice of rapist - Derek's best friend was statistically accurate, usually someone close to the person.
The rape does not darken the entire book. Violated is legit funny at points. There I am shattered along with Derek and then we cut to Russ who is hopeful for love and it doesn't work out. There is enough light to counterbalance the dark. I won't say 50/50 but it's frigging close.
I swear Russ's mother is my kind of woman, super inappropriate and had no boundaries. I want to be her when I grow up.
I think the dual timeline worked for explaining the main characters and side characters (more so Tim the bitchy controlling fiance and Victor the villainous best friend). I got a deeper sense of how they ticked and worked. I understood their choices (if I didn't agree at that time I tried to remember, it's not what I want but what worked for the character) And the author really knew his characters.
I loved reading about real life men, struggling with...life. I enjoyed reading about Derek's struggles with his sexuality. He carried over resentment from his shitty childhood on what makes a real "man". I would love to do a case study on Derek.
As for the book's villain, I wish I could have had some alone time with him and a metal bat. I felt this way until nearly the end. And actually reading this guy, learning his thought process...he's just an idiot. I had my theory about him but I guess it'll remain a mystery.
The ending was fitting to the story. The justice? Closer to reality than not. And if you need to know, there is on-page sex in the book. The main characters have the majority of it with other people, but the story isn't about sex. And if you need to read about pure sex...why are you reading romance? Stroke fic is the better choice. ;) (Nothing wrong with that either.)
This book is about a connection between two men who weren't looking for it but got it anyway. It's quiet, but it is there.
This book is about rebuilding one's self after a tragedy, and not having a miracle delivered, or miracle penis solve the way.
This is not just a rape book.
This is romance, tame in comparison to some of the raunchier, popular titles that seem to be plaguing the feeds. I hope you catch the hint on what not to expect between the main characters too much.
The story ends at a great spot. It's a HEHEA <~~~ Hard Earned Happily Ever After. *whispers* The best kind.
And it works for the main characters.
Recommended for readers who don't mind the triggers, dual timelines and don't need a conventional HEA.
A copy provided for an honest review.
4.5 HEARTS-- Hello Mr. Fessenden. It's a pleasure to finally read your work. *pushes up glasses* I'm your newest fan. :)
I'm not one to hand out high ratings just because an author can handle a difficult subject. If anything, I'm even tougher on the story because I don't want pretty, simple happy endings once an 'owwie' is introduced. I recently read and reviewed a book on this blog where the main character was sexually assaulted and they miraculously recovered from the event to have sex with the new guy...in a few days.
I hate that.
Don't you think realistically it takes time to recover? Why must the victim jump back in the sex & emotions saddle to satisfy the reader instead of their self organically? Why can't the book give the victimized character due justice, a love story, a believable plot and back story?
If you're a reader like me who finds any of what I just mentioned your kind of thing, then let me introduce you to Jamie Fessenden's "Violated".
Because it is one hell of a book, without trying too hard. (Okay, I think there were minor quibbles for me. Quibblets, if you will.) But overall, excellent writing.
Told in dual timeline and alternating POV, Violated follows Derek Sawyer who has a sucky life with an overly jealous fiance, a sweet dog and a jerky muscle head best friend who is also his supervisor. Derek bought a vacation home/cabin in the woods of New Hampshire with his reluctant fiance, Tim and meets his hunky cop neighbor, Russ Thomas. Don't worry, no cheating happens. Russ is looking for love and tries social clubs and hookups but he keeps going back in his head to Derek.
The book title & blurb is a key hint as to what happened in the book. And it will be a deal breaker for some. Trigger warning: rape and abuse.
So let's just kick open the door without spoilering.
The rape and the aftermath. Was it graphic? Yes. And the aftermath was realistic. The PTSD. It struck a chord with me. A natural reaction for some might be the should have, could have and would have done in that type of situation but unless you've been in that situation, don't judge. It's a hard thing to do. And I can't judge a rape victim's choice. The numbers are out there, sadly each person doesn't get justice or get to see their rapist put behind bars. Nor does each victim seek counseling or speak up for themselves. I thought Derek's reactions to everything: before, during and after were true to life. Even the choice of rapist - Derek's best friend was statistically accurate, usually someone close to the person.
The rape does not darken the entire book. Violated is legit funny at points. There I am shattered along with Derek and then we cut to Russ who is hopeful for love and it doesn't work out. There is enough light to counterbalance the dark. I won't say 50/50 but it's frigging close.
"And I understand that Bill doesn't like having to wear condoms--he doesn't think it feels as good with one on--"
"Mom! Derek doesn't want to hear about what makes Bill's penis feel good."
Mrs. Thomas batted her eyelashes. "I'm sorry. Should we be talking about what makes your penis feel good instead?"
I swear Russ's mother is my kind of woman, super inappropriate and had no boundaries. I want to be her when I grow up.
I think the dual timeline worked for explaining the main characters and side characters (more so Tim the bitchy controlling fiance and Victor the villainous best friend). I got a deeper sense of how they ticked and worked. I understood their choices (if I didn't agree at that time I tried to remember, it's not what I want but what worked for the character) And the author really knew his characters.
I loved reading about real life men, struggling with...life. I enjoyed reading about Derek's struggles with his sexuality. He carried over resentment from his shitty childhood on what makes a real "man". I would love to do a case study on Derek.
As for the book's villain, I wish I could have had some alone time with him and a metal bat. I felt this way until nearly the end. And actually reading this guy, learning his thought process...he's just an idiot. I had my theory about him but I guess it'll remain a mystery.
The ending was fitting to the story. The justice? Closer to reality than not. And if you need to know, there is on-page sex in the book. The main characters have the majority of it with other people, but the story isn't about sex. And if you need to read about pure sex...why are you reading romance? Stroke fic is the better choice. ;) (Nothing wrong with that either.)
This book is about a connection between two men who weren't looking for it but got it anyway. It's quiet, but it is there.
This book is about rebuilding one's self after a tragedy, and not having a miracle delivered, or miracle penis solve the way.
This is not just a rape book.
This is romance, tame in comparison to some of the raunchier, popular titles that seem to be plaguing the feeds. I hope you catch the hint on what not to expect between the main characters too much.
The story ends at a great spot. It's a HEHEA <~~~ Hard Earned Happily Ever After. *whispers* The best kind.
And it works for the main characters.
Recommended for readers who don't mind the triggers, dual timelines and don't need a conventional HEA.
A copy provided for an honest review.
July 23, 2018
OMG, this book is a must read!!
I know that m/m romances rarely come close to being of high educational value (unless you're a romantic who takes cues from them, LOL), but this one definitely is!
Derek Sawyer's story is deeply tragic and does not resolve in a fluffy HEA, because the traumatic events he experienced scarred him for life.
Things start out with Derek, who is a team manager at a security technology company, buying a cabin by a lake, which has always been his life dream. His fiancé Tim isn't too excited about it, especially when Derek and Tim run into the handsome neighbor, Russ, and his German Shepherd Max.
Tim's jealousy repeatedly hurts Derek who carefully tries to befriend Russ with whom he has more in common, it seems, than with his bitchy fiancé. Russ doesn't mind mingling with the couple, but Tim's open hostility towards him has him back up. He isn't interested in wrecking a marriage after all.
We get to know both Derek and Russ intimately. Russ is a cop and a loner who hopes to one day find a loyal partner, but all his attempts at dating turn out badly, the guys either just dating him because of a weird cop kink or they're just sleeping with him as a vacation fling.
Derek is more or less happy with Tim, if only the guy weren't so overly jealous. Tim even accuses Derek of cheating on him with Derek's colleague and gym buddy Victor, who has the sculpted body of a fitness god, but the character of a jerk.
So Derek ends up completely alone in his cabin with no income, a mortage to pay and no friends.
Russ is still there, however, living his life next door and coping with his own difficult love life. He is slowly bonding with Derek, not yet fully aware what really happened to the guy.
When Derek trusts Russ enough to confide in him, Russ makes sure that Derek follows proper procedure by filing a police report against Victor and taking necessary steps to get a restraining order against the man.
Determined to keep Derek safe, Russ needs to learn to deal with something he wasn't expecting:
His urge to protect Derek keeps Derek from finding back on his own two feet and threatens to crush their budding relationship before it even has a chance to develop.
This story was a masterpiece.
It is certainly a traumatic read for anybody with a similar history, but still, I found it absolutely spot on, both psychologically and plot-wise.
I can easily imagine that men being raped by men often don't dare take any legal steps, for fear of coming off as weak. Derek went as far as not recognizing his own reflection anymore, seeing a muscular tall guy looking back at him, while he felt small, weak and helpless inside.
Jamie Fessenden is clearly becoming one of my favorite authors with this one. He goes where other m/m authors usually don't go and sheds light on the darkest corners of the human mind.
I also need to say a few words about Russ, because he's absolutely the best - THE BEST - character you could imagine. Sure, he was helpless in the face of Derek's trauma. He wasn't a therapist and often wasn't sure how to react to Derek's unexpected outbursts or when it would have been better to let Derek deal with things himself, instead of shielding him from all obstacles in life.
But Russ is simply the best guy. I loved him so much. His down to Earth attitudes, his kindness, his masculinity. I loved how he hopefully dated the deranged but handsome Ian who basically just used him as a sexual kink fest ("But... would you still be fucking me if I wasn't a cop?").
And I found Russ' exciting weekend at a clothing optional gay b&b totally heartbreaking. It seemed as if nobody wanted more than sex from the poor guy, even though he reached out to the guys every single time. How could anybody NOT jump at the chance of being Russ' boyfriend??
And when Russ found Derek, he proved that he was a loyal partner and stood by his boyfriend through thick and thin, even when sex wasn't on the horizon at all.
I totally loved the guy. 5 stars for Russ! He was so real, you could almost touch him through the pages. Gosh, I'm fangirling way too much, sorry.
No kidding, this story was definitely an amazing, touching and enlightening read.
I recommend this to everyone!
5 stars and a top 10 favorite read in this year!
I know that m/m romances rarely come close to being of high educational value (unless you're a romantic who takes cues from them, LOL), but this one definitely is!
Derek Sawyer's story is deeply tragic and does not resolve in a fluffy HEA, because the traumatic events he experienced scarred him for life.
Things start out with Derek, who is a team manager at a security technology company, buying a cabin by a lake, which has always been his life dream. His fiancé Tim isn't too excited about it, especially when Derek and Tim run into the handsome neighbor, Russ, and his German Shepherd Max.
Tim's jealousy repeatedly hurts Derek who carefully tries to befriend Russ with whom he has more in common, it seems, than with his bitchy fiancé. Russ doesn't mind mingling with the couple, but Tim's open hostility towards him has him back up. He isn't interested in wrecking a marriage after all.
We get to know both Derek and Russ intimately. Russ is a cop and a loner who hopes to one day find a loyal partner, but all his attempts at dating turn out badly, the guys either just dating him because of a weird cop kink or they're just sleeping with him as a vacation fling.
Derek is more or less happy with Tim, if only the guy weren't so overly jealous. Tim even accuses Derek of cheating on him with Derek's colleague and gym buddy Victor, who has the sculpted body of a fitness god, but the character of a jerk.
So Derek ends up completely alone in his cabin with no income, a mortage to pay and no friends.
Russ is still there, however, living his life next door and coping with his own difficult love life. He is slowly bonding with Derek, not yet fully aware what really happened to the guy.
When Derek trusts Russ enough to confide in him, Russ makes sure that Derek follows proper procedure by filing a police report against Victor and taking necessary steps to get a restraining order against the man.
Determined to keep Derek safe, Russ needs to learn to deal with something he wasn't expecting:
His urge to protect Derek keeps Derek from finding back on his own two feet and threatens to crush their budding relationship before it even has a chance to develop.
This story was a masterpiece.
It is certainly a traumatic read for anybody with a similar history, but still, I found it absolutely spot on, both psychologically and plot-wise.
I can easily imagine that men being raped by men often don't dare take any legal steps, for fear of coming off as weak. Derek went as far as not recognizing his own reflection anymore, seeing a muscular tall guy looking back at him, while he felt small, weak and helpless inside.
Jamie Fessenden is clearly becoming one of my favorite authors with this one. He goes where other m/m authors usually don't go and sheds light on the darkest corners of the human mind.
I also need to say a few words about Russ, because he's absolutely the best - THE BEST - character you could imagine. Sure, he was helpless in the face of Derek's trauma. He wasn't a therapist and often wasn't sure how to react to Derek's unexpected outbursts or when it would have been better to let Derek deal with things himself, instead of shielding him from all obstacles in life.
But Russ is simply the best guy. I loved him so much. His down to Earth attitudes, his kindness, his masculinity. I loved how he hopefully dated the deranged but handsome Ian who basically just used him as a sexual kink fest ("But... would you still be fucking me if I wasn't a cop?").
And I found Russ' exciting weekend at a clothing optional gay b&b totally heartbreaking. It seemed as if nobody wanted more than sex from the poor guy, even though he reached out to the guys every single time. How could anybody NOT jump at the chance of being Russ' boyfriend??
And when Russ found Derek, he proved that he was a loyal partner and stood by his boyfriend through thick and thin, even when sex wasn't on the horizon at all.
I totally loved the guy. 5 stars for Russ! He was so real, you could almost touch him through the pages. Gosh, I'm fangirling way too much, sorry.
No kidding, this story was definitely an amazing, touching and enlightening read.
I recommend this to everyone!
5 stars and a top 10 favorite read in this year!
June 16, 2016
I knew going into this book that there would be some heavy topics, including child abuse and rape. I bought it on release day last year and finally decided to give it a go.
The rape itself in on page, so we see every detail, but it didn't disturb me as much as I thought. What DID disturb me was watching Derek destroy himself after the rape. He competently shut down, lost his job and his boyfriend and started to basically sleepwalk through life. That is what really got to me. It was fucking heartbreaking.
When I hit about the 50% mark, things starting looking up for Derek and the cute cop next door, Russ. I was all ready for emotional comfort and some sexual healing. But while Russ was loving and patient and supported Derek the entire time he dealt with the rape, other than a few crying hugs, there wasn't a lot of payoff for the brutal first half of the book.
The epilogue was a disaster. We get a "two years later" and Russ and Derek are finally now consummating their relationship. We missed everything in between. Well, that in between was what I was most looking forward to.
So, fair warning, the first half is quite upsetting because of all the injustices thrown Derek's way, and the second half didn't deliver the comfort I so desperately needed to make this book all right with me.
The rape itself in on page, so we see every detail, but it didn't disturb me as much as I thought. What DID disturb me was watching Derek destroy himself after the rape. He competently shut down, lost his job and his boyfriend and started to basically sleepwalk through life. That is what really got to me. It was fucking heartbreaking.
When I hit about the 50% mark, things starting looking up for Derek and the cute cop next door, Russ. I was all ready for emotional comfort and some sexual healing. But while Russ was loving and patient and supported Derek the entire time he dealt with the rape, other than a few crying hugs, there wasn't a lot of payoff for the brutal first half of the book.
The epilogue was a disaster. We get a "two years later" and Russ and Derek are finally now consummating their relationship. We missed everything in between. Well, that in between was what I was most looking forward to.
So, fair warning, the first half is quite upsetting because of all the injustices thrown Derek's way, and the second half didn't deliver the comfort I so desperately needed to make this book all right with me.
January 2, 2016
3.5 Stars
*coughs...steps onto soapbox*
"There is no such thing as 'rape prevention.' The only way for people to not get raped is for people NOT TO RAPE THEM."
*steps off soapbox*
This story was at times very hard to read. I think anyone who has been sexually assaulted, or experienced the aftermath of assault, whether personally or peripherally, would find this hard to read.
After Derek is raped by his manager, and best friend, Victor, he experiences what I thought felt like a very realistic depiction of the PTSD, guilt and despair that can happen after such a traumatic event.
The rape, which is really another character in the story, and it's aftermath, was almost chillingly well done.
Derek's isolation was particularly difficult to read. As the reader we have a unique perspective, which allows us to see the abusive relationship Derek has with his fiancé, which he doesn't recognize until much later than the reader catches on.
The story is told with each chapter containing a dual POV - Derek and Officer Russ Thomas, Derek's lake neighbor.
Personally I felt the scenes flipping from Derek's POV, his life, rape and aftermath, over to Russ and his search for love, was off-putting. I wanted to read about Derek's story, not get to a difficult part and have the story change gears, downshifting rather radically at times, to Russ attending yet another pot-luck looking for love, or worse, Russ having sex with some guy.
I realize this wasn't a traditional "romance" story, but I still found it off-putting when Russ, who I know from the blurb has been slated to fall for Derek, has on-page sex with multiple partners other than Derek. However, once the two "get together" and I use that term very loosely, as Fessenden does an excellent job not sprinkling magic fairy dust over Derek to make the aftereffects of his rape magically go away, the POV changes are far easier to enjoy and flow more easily.
I thought I would cry more, but I spent most of my time angry... The only one I never got angry with was Russ. Oh, and the dogs. I loved the dogs.
The thing is - this book made me FEEL. For that alone, I recommend.
This review has been cross-posted at Reviews by Jessewave.
*coughs...steps onto soapbox*
"There is no such thing as 'rape prevention.' The only way for people to not get raped is for people NOT TO RAPE THEM."
*steps off soapbox*
This story was at times very hard to read. I think anyone who has been sexually assaulted, or experienced the aftermath of assault, whether personally or peripherally, would find this hard to read.
After Derek is raped by his manager, and best friend, Victor, he experiences what I thought felt like a very realistic depiction of the PTSD, guilt and despair that can happen after such a traumatic event.
The rape, which is really another character in the story, and it's aftermath, was almost chillingly well done.
Derek's isolation was particularly difficult to read. As the reader we have a unique perspective, which allows us to see the abusive relationship Derek has with his fiancé, which he doesn't recognize until much later than the reader catches on.
The story is told with each chapter containing a dual POV - Derek and Officer Russ Thomas, Derek's lake neighbor.
Personally I felt the scenes flipping from Derek's POV, his life, rape and aftermath, over to Russ and his search for love, was off-putting. I wanted to read about Derek's story, not get to a difficult part and have the story change gears, downshifting rather radically at times, to Russ attending yet another pot-luck looking for love, or worse, Russ having sex with some guy.
I realize this wasn't a traditional "romance" story, but I still found it off-putting when Russ, who I know from the blurb has been slated to fall for Derek, has on-page sex with multiple partners other than Derek. However, once the two "get together" and I use that term very loosely, as Fessenden does an excellent job not sprinkling magic fairy dust over Derek to make the aftereffects of his rape magically go away, the POV changes are far easier to enjoy and flow more easily.
I thought I would cry more, but I spent most of my time angry... The only one I never got angry with was Russ. Oh, and the dogs. I loved the dogs.
The thing is - this book made me FEEL. For that alone, I recommend.
This review has been cross-posted at Reviews by Jessewave.
July 27, 2015
I loved Jamie's "Billy's Bones", which featured emotional trauma, childhood abuse, and major PTSD issues. So i was looking forward to "Violated", which promised to deal with some heavy issues--particularly male rape and its aftermath.
I like stories that take me someplace totally new, even if that is a dark place. In "Violated", Derek is betrayed by someone he trusts and his trauma over it is slow-developing and far deeper than he expects. I can relate to that and I think it's realistic.
As usual, Jamie's writing is strong and I was pulled through the story. There's angst here, but good, fun things too. A nice mix and it kept me from feeling it was "too angsty".
Cudos to Jamie for tackling such a unique subject! Oh, and I love the lake setting. Want to live there. :-)
I like stories that take me someplace totally new, even if that is a dark place. In "Violated", Derek is betrayed by someone he trusts and his trauma over it is slow-developing and far deeper than he expects. I can relate to that and I think it's realistic.
As usual, Jamie's writing is strong and I was pulled through the story. There's angst here, but good, fun things too. A nice mix and it kept me from feeling it was "too angsty".
Cudos to Jamie for tackling such a unique subject! Oh, and I love the lake setting. Want to live there. :-)
September 2, 2015
4.5 stars
This was a difficult read for me. While the assault in this book is not one of my triggers, I feel I must warn you to heed the blurb and be aware of what happens in this book.
This was a difficult read. It had to be even more difficult to write, so hats off to Jamie for managing to depict this horrific topic and its aftermath with honesty, integrity and respect.
When we first meet Derek in this book, he comes across as a nice guy, however brow-beaten into nothing more than a doormat to his fiance Tim, a selfish, uncaring, and jealous prick. Their relationship seems cracked, with Derek making excuse after excuse for Tim's behavior, while refusing to see what's right in front of him.
There were also some things in Derek's background, in his youth, that had serious consequences on how he viewed himself, his romance with Tim, and subsequently what happened to him.
What the author did here was build a believable character with sufficient background to make him realistic in his actions and thoughts. Derek seemed real to me, while Tim and Victor (Derek's boss) almost appeared to be one-dimensional - one a selfish prick, the other a near psychopath without remorse, justifying his actions much like any rapist or rapist excuser does. Victor triggered immense rage within me, and not just because of the assault, but because of his behavior before and after. He's a bully. He only thinks of himself and his image, he thinks that everyone wants him, when he's nothing more than an insufferable, disgusting pig.
Then Derek has to go to Tampa with Victor, who also for some inexplicable reason is his best friend. Their relationship appears to be based on friendly rivalry, working out together, and nothing much else. I didn't understand what Derek found interesting in Victor, or why he thought of him as his best friend.
The assault happens while Derek and Victor are in Tampa. For some reason, and this niggled at me and is part of why the book didn't reach 5 stars, they're made to share a room. It almost seemed to me as if Victor used company funding as an excuse to be alone in a room with Derek, as if he had planned this ahead of time.
Derek often comes across as clueless to other people's motives and intentions, possibly a result of his childhood, and seems to trust easily.
The actual rape and immediate aftermath of the assault were difficult to stomach, even though it is not dragged out in the book, and does not, even for split second, seem to be explicit simply for titillation purposes. It was tactfully written, honestly written, respectfully written.
What struck me most was the self-blame Derek falls into, and the self-hate that immediately followed, tinged by the words of his stepfather still ringing through his head. He displays all signs of having been assaulted, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, and it speaks to Victor's and Tim's selfishness that neither sees nor cares that Derek is different.
Russ Thomas, the police officer who lives next door to the cabin Derek and Tim purchased early in the book, doesn't take long to figure out that Derek experienced some horrendous trauma, even though he doesn't know for a while just what kind of trauma. Attracted to Derek from the moment they met, even though he wouldn't poach on an existing relationship, he becomes a shoulder for Derek to lean on, and then more, as the truth comes out.
The author did a good job establishing a solid characterization for Russ as well, even though the switching POVs didn't really work too well for me, especially early on, when Derek and Russ aren't even on page together. This became easier to handle as the two men start to hang out, no matter how tentative and scared Derek still is around Russ, and then went away completely, when their relationship gets stronger.
There were some things that niggled. The depiction of the HR rep for one - I found it difficult to believe that this was realistic (and maybe I'm naive), but the reaction of HR to simply fire Derek without having any substantiated cause, and being given a completely different account from Derek, seemed a bit far-fetched. Derek's termination seemed to be more designed to keep the small fish from making any waves, and thus protecting the reputation of the company. This then follows the company's decision to room the men together to save money, which, while realistic enough on the surface, could then put the company in a position of having to defend itself for causing the situation that allowed the rape in the first place.
Tim's characterization, and his subsequent actions after Derek flees to the cabin, also fell flat for me. I couldn't for the life of me understand what Derek saw in Tim to begin with, but after that it was even more difficult. He seemed petty and insecure, and while I'm sure I was supposed to dislike him, I also felt that his character wasn't given any reason for acting the way he did, and thus fell flat for me.
I'm glad to got to watch Derek put the pieces of his life back together, with Russ' gentle support, and I'm glad we got to see their romance blossoming, with patient care and soft approaches. I'm glad that Victor got what was coming to him, and that Tim seemed to lose out as well. There is a hopeful tone at the end, and the sweet, tender romance between Derek and Russ is made stronger by what they endure to get to that point.
As I said, this was a difficult read. I'm sure it was difficult to write as well, but it's a book that needed to be written. The most important message in this book is that men can be raped, that it happens more often than we'd like to think, and that many, many men never report the assault because of shame and fear.
Just like women victims, men don't ask for assault either. They are not assaulted because they walk down the street in short shorts, or shirtless, or because they're drunk or passed out, or because they are out late at night by themselves. Men are raped for the same reasons women are raped - because the rapists have no respect for anyone else, and because their rapists feel the need for whatever reason to exert power of their victims, by holding them down, by forcing them to give up something that is sacred and should never be taken - the right to control their own bodies.
Yes, this was a difficult book, but I'm glad Jamie Fessenden chose to write it. I'd be even more happy if you chose to read it.
Highly recommended.
** I received a free copy of this book from its publisher. A positive review was not promised in return. **
This was a difficult read for me. While the assault in this book is not one of my triggers, I feel I must warn you to heed the blurb and be aware of what happens in this book.
This was a difficult read. It had to be even more difficult to write, so hats off to Jamie for managing to depict this horrific topic and its aftermath with honesty, integrity and respect.
When we first meet Derek in this book, he comes across as a nice guy, however brow-beaten into nothing more than a doormat to his fiance Tim, a selfish, uncaring, and jealous prick. Their relationship seems cracked, with Derek making excuse after excuse for Tim's behavior, while refusing to see what's right in front of him.
There were also some things in Derek's background, in his youth, that had serious consequences on how he viewed himself, his romance with Tim, and subsequently what happened to him.
What the author did here was build a believable character with sufficient background to make him realistic in his actions and thoughts. Derek seemed real to me, while Tim and Victor (Derek's boss) almost appeared to be one-dimensional - one a selfish prick, the other a near psychopath without remorse, justifying his actions much like any rapist or rapist excuser does. Victor triggered immense rage within me, and not just because of the assault, but because of his behavior before and after. He's a bully. He only thinks of himself and his image, he thinks that everyone wants him, when he's nothing more than an insufferable, disgusting pig.
Then Derek has to go to Tampa with Victor, who also for some inexplicable reason is his best friend. Their relationship appears to be based on friendly rivalry, working out together, and nothing much else. I didn't understand what Derek found interesting in Victor, or why he thought of him as his best friend.
The assault happens while Derek and Victor are in Tampa. For some reason, and this niggled at me and is part of why the book didn't reach 5 stars, they're made to share a room. It almost seemed to me as if Victor used company funding as an excuse to be alone in a room with Derek, as if he had planned this ahead of time.
Derek often comes across as clueless to other people's motives and intentions, possibly a result of his childhood, and seems to trust easily.
The actual rape and immediate aftermath of the assault were difficult to stomach, even though it is not dragged out in the book, and does not, even for split second, seem to be explicit simply for titillation purposes. It was tactfully written, honestly written, respectfully written.
What struck me most was the self-blame Derek falls into, and the self-hate that immediately followed, tinged by the words of his stepfather still ringing through his head. He displays all signs of having been assaulted, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, and it speaks to Victor's and Tim's selfishness that neither sees nor cares that Derek is different.
Russ Thomas, the police officer who lives next door to the cabin Derek and Tim purchased early in the book, doesn't take long to figure out that Derek experienced some horrendous trauma, even though he doesn't know for a while just what kind of trauma. Attracted to Derek from the moment they met, even though he wouldn't poach on an existing relationship, he becomes a shoulder for Derek to lean on, and then more, as the truth comes out.
The author did a good job establishing a solid characterization for Russ as well, even though the switching POVs didn't really work too well for me, especially early on, when Derek and Russ aren't even on page together. This became easier to handle as the two men start to hang out, no matter how tentative and scared Derek still is around Russ, and then went away completely, when their relationship gets stronger.
There were some things that niggled. The depiction of the HR rep for one - I found it difficult to believe that this was realistic (and maybe I'm naive), but the reaction of HR to simply fire Derek without having any substantiated cause, and being given a completely different account from Derek, seemed a bit far-fetched. Derek's termination seemed to be more designed to keep the small fish from making any waves, and thus protecting the reputation of the company. This then follows the company's decision to room the men together to save money, which, while realistic enough on the surface, could then put the company in a position of having to defend itself for causing the situation that allowed the rape in the first place.
Tim's characterization, and his subsequent actions after Derek flees to the cabin, also fell flat for me. I couldn't for the life of me understand what Derek saw in Tim to begin with, but after that it was even more difficult. He seemed petty and insecure, and while I'm sure I was supposed to dislike him, I also felt that his character wasn't given any reason for acting the way he did, and thus fell flat for me.
I'm glad to got to watch Derek put the pieces of his life back together, with Russ' gentle support, and I'm glad we got to see their romance blossoming, with patient care and soft approaches. I'm glad that Victor got what was coming to him, and that Tim seemed to lose out as well. There is a hopeful tone at the end, and the sweet, tender romance between Derek and Russ is made stronger by what they endure to get to that point.
As I said, this was a difficult read. I'm sure it was difficult to write as well, but it's a book that needed to be written. The most important message in this book is that men can be raped, that it happens more often than we'd like to think, and that many, many men never report the assault because of shame and fear.
Just like women victims, men don't ask for assault either. They are not assaulted because they walk down the street in short shorts, or shirtless, or because they're drunk or passed out, or because they are out late at night by themselves. Men are raped for the same reasons women are raped - because the rapists have no respect for anyone else, and because their rapists feel the need for whatever reason to exert power of their victims, by holding them down, by forcing them to give up something that is sacred and should never be taken - the right to control their own bodies.
Yes, this was a difficult book, but I'm glad Jamie Fessenden chose to write it. I'd be even more happy if you chose to read it.
Highly recommended.
** I received a free copy of this book from its publisher. A positive review was not promised in return. **
July 31, 2017
I didn’t like this one. I like a little background on both MCs before they get together, but this was just ridiculous.
Derek has just bought a lake house with his fiancé Tim (I should say his ass of a fiancé. I had no idea what he saw in him), when he meets his yummy neighbor Russ. Of course Derek is engaged, so friendship it is.
Russ is a cop, who is tired of being alone. When he meets his new neighbor, sparks fly, but he doesn’t do (almost) married men. But the two become friends anyway.
When Derek goes away on a business trip with his colleague and best friend Victor (since Derek never really liked Victor in the 20 years he has known him, I use the term ‘best friend’ loosely), he is expecting to be bored to death. What he doesn’t expect is to be raped by that same best friend when they spend the night at a hotel.
Derek’s life falls apart after that. He is afraid to tell anyone, because well, he is a muscular guy, and those don’t get raped, right?
It’s after Tim leaves Derek and he loses his job, that Derek really hits rock bottom. But he still has Russ as a friend. Or maybe something more. If Russ can get over the fact that Derek can’t stand to be touched anymore…
This sounds like an amazing story, on paper. But I’m afraid the execution was very disappointing.
For the first 40% we get a complete introduction of Derek’s and Russ’ lives. We get to read about Russ finding a fuck buddy and having sex with him several times. We read about Russ finding out that said fuck buddy is together with his ex again. We then read about Russ going away on a sexy weekend to a ‘clothing optional gay farm’, where he has sex with one guy for the entire weekend, but everyone else has orgies. I skimmed that entire part. It was unnecessary and way too long.
We also read about how awful a person Tim is. It gets kind of old if the current boyfriend/fiancé is ALWAYS a dick. Derek must have loved him, but I just couldn’t see why. Why couldn’t we just have a normal fiancé who just couldn’t deal with Derek’s moods after the rape?
And I really like it when a person needs help healing when he has gone through something traumatic. But for some reason I never bought it here. Derek was still so in the middle of it after a couple of months (as one would expect after being raped by your best friend), that I had a hard time believing he was ready for a new relationship.
Overall, nice premise, bad execution.
Derek has just bought a lake house with his fiancé Tim (I should say his ass of a fiancé. I had no idea what he saw in him), when he meets his yummy neighbor Russ. Of course Derek is engaged, so friendship it is.
Russ is a cop, who is tired of being alone. When he meets his new neighbor, sparks fly, but he doesn’t do (almost) married men. But the two become friends anyway.
When Derek goes away on a business trip with his colleague and best friend Victor (since Derek never really liked Victor in the 20 years he has known him, I use the term ‘best friend’ loosely), he is expecting to be bored to death. What he doesn’t expect is to be raped by that same best friend when they spend the night at a hotel.
Derek’s life falls apart after that. He is afraid to tell anyone, because well, he is a muscular guy, and those don’t get raped, right?
It’s after Tim leaves Derek and he loses his job, that Derek really hits rock bottom. But he still has Russ as a friend. Or maybe something more. If Russ can get over the fact that Derek can’t stand to be touched anymore…
This sounds like an amazing story, on paper. But I’m afraid the execution was very disappointing.
For the first 40% we get a complete introduction of Derek’s and Russ’ lives. We get to read about Russ finding a fuck buddy and having sex with him several times. We read about Russ finding out that said fuck buddy is together with his ex again. We then read about Russ going away on a sexy weekend to a ‘clothing optional gay farm’, where he has sex with one guy for the entire weekend, but everyone else has orgies. I skimmed that entire part. It was unnecessary and way too long.
We also read about how awful a person Tim is. It gets kind of old if the current boyfriend/fiancé is ALWAYS a dick. Derek must have loved him, but I just couldn’t see why. Why couldn’t we just have a normal fiancé who just couldn’t deal with Derek’s moods after the rape?
And I really like it when a person needs help healing when he has gone through something traumatic. But for some reason I never bought it here. Derek was still so in the middle of it after a couple of months (as one would expect after being raped by your best friend), that I had a hard time believing he was ready for a new relationship.
Overall, nice premise, bad execution.
April 21, 2018
In this book, Jamie Fessenden handles a serious subject with a deft hand. Derek must face the repercussions of sexual assault: in his personal life, his professional life, his sense of self, and reactions he receives from others. Although this is a serious subject, the book isn't depressing at all. Touches of humor lighten things, as does the real emotion that grows between Derek and Russ. The writing is excellent and the story surprises in good ways. I think the ultimate message of the book is about healing and hope, and that's a very good thing.
I listened to the audio version of this, narrated by K.C. Kelly. As always, K.C. brings great depth of emotion to the characters.
I listened to the audio version of this, narrated by K.C. Kelly. As always, K.C. brings great depth of emotion to the characters.
July 21, 2015
2.5 stars
This is going to be hard for me to rate, not because of the content solely based on the execution. I felt this was very much one-noted. I didn’t get a rise out of myself reading this not one time. Certain parts of the story should demand a certain reaction out of it’s audience, but this did not get one. Reading this story, I feel like the way it was written left it emotionally unavailable. It did not feel authentic at all. I say this as my own words, but I just felt like I was reading this, and felt completely detached from the story. I reached the end and felt absolutely nothing. I want to thank the author for being bold enough to write about this type of incident. I don’t think people talk about it enough. Going into this I expected turmoil, tears, and just an emotional read and I didn’t get it. I don’t want to say everyone is going to have the same reaction, because they aren’t but it was a straight read through. If I never picked this up, I don’t feel like I would have missed anything.
The story itself was good. I liked certain areas of it. I disliked more than some of the characters, and the situations that the MC’s found themselves in. The author did a good job on the subject. Its not something we read a lot about in mm with a realistic feeling to it. Derek to be reacted like an individual would in this situation to me. A couple of times, I felt myself wanting to throttle him for not speaking up for himself afterwards, but nothing can be done on my time. I applaud Derek for going to work with his attacker everyday and living, surviving, and fighting to get back to himself. This incident brought up Derek’s dislike with himself. I think all the personal issues surrounding his sexuality might have impeded his recovery, but this is only my speculation reading it. Russ was a good guy, and character. I liked Russ with his sister, and I liked Russ with Derek. I did not like Russ on his own. It felt very filler-ish type. Like the author needed some space plugged up so we are just going to put Russ with these random people. I’m saying that because he needed someone else, I’m saying it like it did not feel real. Where was the connection between Russ and the other two guys? None, I felt zero hints of magic with them, sure they weren’t long –term, but Russ wasn’t the casual type of guy. I just think it should not have been in the story, it added n0thing really except me feeling like it was open space.
This is going to be hard for me to rate, not because of the content solely based on the execution. I felt this was very much one-noted. I didn’t get a rise out of myself reading this not one time. Certain parts of the story should demand a certain reaction out of it’s audience, but this did not get one. Reading this story, I feel like the way it was written left it emotionally unavailable. It did not feel authentic at all. I say this as my own words, but I just felt like I was reading this, and felt completely detached from the story. I reached the end and felt absolutely nothing. I want to thank the author for being bold enough to write about this type of incident. I don’t think people talk about it enough. Going into this I expected turmoil, tears, and just an emotional read and I didn’t get it. I don’t want to say everyone is going to have the same reaction, because they aren’t but it was a straight read through. If I never picked this up, I don’t feel like I would have missed anything.
The story itself was good. I liked certain areas of it. I disliked more than some of the characters, and the situations that the MC’s found themselves in. The author did a good job on the subject. Its not something we read a lot about in mm with a realistic feeling to it. Derek to be reacted like an individual would in this situation to me. A couple of times, I felt myself wanting to throttle him for not speaking up for himself afterwards, but nothing can be done on my time. I applaud Derek for going to work with his attacker everyday and living, surviving, and fighting to get back to himself. This incident brought up Derek’s dislike with himself. I think all the personal issues surrounding his sexuality might have impeded his recovery, but this is only my speculation reading it. Russ was a good guy, and character. I liked Russ with his sister, and I liked Russ with Derek. I did not like Russ on his own. It felt very filler-ish type. Like the author needed some space plugged up so we are just going to put Russ with these random people. I’m saying that because he needed someone else, I’m saying it like it did not feel real. Where was the connection between Russ and the other two guys? None, I felt zero hints of magic with them, sure they weren’t long –term, but Russ wasn’t the casual type of guy. I just think it should not have been in the story, it added n0thing really except me feeling like it was open space.
May 27, 2017
Quería que esta novela me cautivase, el tema me llama y soy adicta a un buen angst siempre que tenga HEA, sin embargo, debo decir que esta vez la historia para mi no ha funcionado. Soy plenamente consciente que es un tema peliagudo y en mi opinión, el autor lo lleva bastante bien, descriptivo sin caer en demasiadas explicaciones innecesarias, por desgracia, esto no sucede con el resto de la historia que está llena de un sinnúmero de detalles que ha hecho que me aburra mucho por momentos, nunca es buena señal cuando miro más de dos veces cuanto me queda para acabar según el kindle. Comenté que tenía serias dudas con los personajes porque en ningún momento he conseguido conectar con ellos o entender o 'creerme' que hubiese química. Como digo más arriba, he sentido que se cuenta demasiado, no hay lugar a una reflexión ni a interpretaciones, el POV dúal sólo ha servido para que el tempo sea aún más tedioso, en serio que no necesito saber qué opinan ambos de la misma escena. Tampoco necesitaba saber con pelos y señales las correrías sexuales de uno de ellos, insertando esas escenas en medio de los problemas de Derek, la verdad es que he pensado en saltarme cosas porque,
Otro detalle que me ha hecho poca o ninguna gracia es lo acartonados que eran los antagonistas, en especial el ex de Derek, he visto villanos similares en culebrones, muy poco creibles, de verdad. Concluyo con lo que no me ha gustado porque no todo ha sido malo, se puede observar que hay un buen trabajo detrás del tema y el asunto está tratado de forma sensible, así que asumo que es una de esas veces en las que se puede decir lo de: no eres tú, es culpa mía.
Otro detalle que me ha hecho poca o ninguna gracia es lo acartonados que eran los antagonistas, en especial el ex de Derek, he visto villanos similares en culebrones, muy poco creibles, de verdad. Concluyo con lo que no me ha gustado porque no todo ha sido malo, se puede observar que hay un buen trabajo detrás del tema y el asunto está tratado de forma sensible, así que asumo que es una de esas veces en las que se puede decir lo de: no eres tú, es culpa mía.
December 16, 2016
This is, for me, an eye opener.
Not everyone dealing easily with PTSD and depression after what Derek had been through.
The rape alone, can make Derek traumatic, for touch. And Tim definitely can't deal with it. Instead of stay strong for him, Tim ran away. That's what some people do. But Russ is not just some people.
He liked Derek from the start. The chemistry was there. But Derek is never be a cheating man, and Russ don't do other people's spouse. Things are difficult.
There's sex with other men on page. Russ with his hookups, but understandable. It was before Derek. So, he can do whatever he wanted, to forget Derek, assuming Derek would marry Tim someday.
But Victor ruined their plan, and ruined everything Derek hope for.
Russ is one hell of a patient man. And I loved him just for that!
This is not an easy story, and not for everyone. I loved Billy's Bones, and I was expected the same.
I wasn't disappointed.
Just don't read this book if you have issue with rape and PTSD.
Otherwise, this is a good eye opener book, and I highly recommended it.
August 8, 2015
A very difficult book to read, with a difficult subject. I have a lot of thoughts on this one, and I know I'm not getting it all out in my review. After talking with a friend about it today (Mare), I realize that I still have a lot to say after writing my review. I guess that's good, right? When a book as an impact on you.
My review is at Boys In Our Books.
My review is at Boys In Our Books.
October 1, 2024
My problems started when the boyfriend of five years and the best friend of 20 years were too awful to ever be allowed in someone's life and they just escalated from there. There wasn't enough character development to bring these guys to life and it didn't elicit an emotional response from me, which was really kind of the point with a story of this nature.
January 29, 2016
Wow.
Thanks SheReadsALot, it was yourreview that convinced me to read this.
It was a decidedly good choice.
Thanks SheReadsALot, it was yourreview that convinced me to read this.
It was a decidedly good choice.
August 9, 2015
A solid book about a difficult subject. I will definitely read more from this author.
August 7, 2015
3.5 star review by The Blogger Girls.
I was really looking forward to this story. I love reading about damaged characters who overcome and find love.
Derek is a sweet guy who is engaged to somewhat of a jerk. His fiancé is distrustful and possessive, and the two have not had a very good relationship for quite a while it seemed. Derek came across as a bit of a doormat in this regard, simply taking whatever his fiancé dished out and making excuses for him. Then, his “best friend” of many many years violates/rapes him while they are drunk on a business trip. This changes Derek, and understandably so. He is forced to work with this “friend” while also having a very difficult time pretending things are normal at home.
Russ is the neighbor who is attracted to Derek, but who accepts a friendship with Derek rather than pushing for more and breaking up a relationship. When everyone (almost everyone except for Russ) turns on Derek, it is Russ who is there for him. He lost himself, his fiancé, his job, his so called-best friend, etc. Thankfully, he had his dog and his neighbor/friend, Russ. Even though a little overbearing/overprotective at times, little by little, Russ gains Derek’s trust, but there are a lot of demons to hurdle.
Derek’s “friend” was awful pretty much from the start, which only furthered his pattern of letting people walk over him. This may have made him a bit more vulnerable as far as his recovery went, but having never dealt with such an experience, I can’t say for sure. That’s the feeling I had throughout though.
This is a difficult subject, and I think it was handled well here. I really enjoyed watching Russ help Derek to deal with and get past the trauma as a friend and enabling Derek to have a real relationship. Unfortunately, I was not nearly as blown away as I was hoping to be. It just didn’t bring out the emotions or feels I was expecting. There is a very good chance I am in the minority on this one though, so if this sounds like your kind of story, I recommend you give it a try.
I was really looking forward to this story. I love reading about damaged characters who overcome and find love.
Derek is a sweet guy who is engaged to somewhat of a jerk. His fiancé is distrustful and possessive, and the two have not had a very good relationship for quite a while it seemed. Derek came across as a bit of a doormat in this regard, simply taking whatever his fiancé dished out and making excuses for him. Then, his “best friend” of many many years violates/rapes him while they are drunk on a business trip. This changes Derek, and understandably so. He is forced to work with this “friend” while also having a very difficult time pretending things are normal at home.
Russ is the neighbor who is attracted to Derek, but who accepts a friendship with Derek rather than pushing for more and breaking up a relationship. When everyone (almost everyone except for Russ) turns on Derek, it is Russ who is there for him. He lost himself, his fiancé, his job, his so called-best friend, etc. Thankfully, he had his dog and his neighbor/friend, Russ. Even though a little overbearing/overprotective at times, little by little, Russ gains Derek’s trust, but there are a lot of demons to hurdle.
Derek’s “friend” was awful pretty much from the start, which only furthered his pattern of letting people walk over him. This may have made him a bit more vulnerable as far as his recovery went, but having never dealt with such an experience, I can’t say for sure. That’s the feeling I had throughout though.
This is a difficult subject, and I think it was handled well here. I really enjoyed watching Russ help Derek to deal with and get past the trauma as a friend and enabling Derek to have a real relationship. Unfortunately, I was not nearly as blown away as I was hoping to be. It just didn’t bring out the emotions or feels I was expecting. There is a very good chance I am in the minority on this one though, so if this sounds like your kind of story, I recommend you give it a try.
April 29, 2018
4.0 Stars
Ooof, this one was rough to listen to. So much of it brought back uncomfortable memories of some difficult situations...which made me think that either this is a personal story or a lot of research went into it. It was THAT on point.
What I found most interesting was having my own version of hindsight to fall back on when I'd get mad at Derek for all the things he did "wrong." Like not reporting it, taking a shower, not talking to anyone...that kind of thing. And I KNEW from the summary that he was going to handle things this way and I STILL got upset at how he basically gave this asshole a pass. Which I think, after listening to him work through the ordeal...is me still, in a way, blaming the victim. Blaming myself.
I know that his gender shouldn't matter, either, but somehow I kept falling back onto the same misinformed & wrong-headed belief that because it was a guy that somehow the violation was even worse. That, like Derek's stepdad kept hammering into him as a kid, being taken somehow negated his manhood. That's a societal idea WAY past its prime, a notion that needs to be put out to pasture...because rape is rape. It's not about sex, or even gender...it's about power and subjugating someone who is seen as somehow "lesser" and that is NOT okay. So this is a really brave book, IMHO, and one I hope helps others find their voice...or even a bit of peace.
Ooof, this one was rough to listen to. So much of it brought back uncomfortable memories of some difficult situations...which made me think that either this is a personal story or a lot of research went into it. It was THAT on point.
What I found most interesting was having my own version of hindsight to fall back on when I'd get mad at Derek for all the things he did "wrong." Like not reporting it, taking a shower, not talking to anyone...that kind of thing. And I KNEW from the summary that he was going to handle things this way and I STILL got upset at how he basically gave this asshole a pass. Which I think, after listening to him work through the ordeal...is me still, in a way, blaming the victim. Blaming myself.
I know that his gender shouldn't matter, either, but somehow I kept falling back onto the same misinformed & wrong-headed belief that because it was a guy that somehow the violation was even worse. That, like Derek's stepdad kept hammering into him as a kid, being taken somehow negated his manhood. That's a societal idea WAY past its prime, a notion that needs to be put out to pasture...because rape is rape. It's not about sex, or even gender...it's about power and subjugating someone who is seen as somehow "lesser" and that is NOT okay. So this is a really brave book, IMHO, and one I hope helps others find their voice...or even a bit of peace.
August 29, 2015
Recommended. Per usual with this author, the subject is handled with realism and grace.
April 17, 2017
An excellent m/m romance dealing with the tricky subject of male rape. Derek's whole self image is affected by his ordeal and friend Russ must learn how to help Derek survive the trauma.
June 19, 2016
3.75 stars This was really good, but you definitely need to know what you're getting yourself into. There is a romance here between Derek and Russ, but don't expect any sex until the epilogue. And actually, for the first quarter of the book Derek is engaged to Tim. Fear not though, there is only one on page sex scene between the fiancés and it isn't very detailed. But we all read the blurb, so I found myself just wanting the rape to happen already so we could get it over with! Which is terrible, but true.
But I did end up being glad that the story was slow to begin. I think it was important for us to know Derek prior to the assault, since there's always a Before and an After when someone has such a traumatic event occur. We knew him, we knew his relationship with Tim, we knew his friendship with Victor. And Russ knew these things too. I was glad that he and Derek had met and developed a new yet tentative friendship prior to the attack.
Each chapter has a duel POV with Derek and Russ. This has positives and negatives. It created a rhythm that I could predict, which was a good thing. Especially since the audio version didn't really pause when switching scenes. Within a sentence or two it was always obvious who's POV it was, but this helped to know that since I just found out what was going on with Derek, next I would see what Russ was up to. And it made sure we felt as though the story was about Derek and Russ, so that the story was about them coming together and overcoming obstacles as opposed to just about Derek's rape. However, once the rape occurred, I didn't really give a shit about Russ talking to his partner or going to a gay men's group in Manchester or having hook ups. I just wanted to know what was going on with Derek! So it was frustrating early on after the rape, but once they entered a relationship I did like it so we could see where they were both coming from.
Mr. Fessenden portrayed the struggles that Derek had very well. It was heart wrenching to watch him go through that, especially to see how isolated he felt and how much he blamed himself. Russ was an amazing addition and I loved watching their friendship grow into more, even though the physical intimacy didn't develop until after the story had ended.
It did end a bit abruptly though. I mean, it ended once all the drama resolved. But like, immediately after all the drama resolved. Which is appropriate, but also feels like someone slamming on the brakes after you've been on a slow and steady three day long road trip. Instead of a recap of how the court case went and Derek's work situation and their relationship developing without Victor hanging over their heads, I would have rather read it. That's kinda all the good stuff. Yes, the story was long as it, but what's a couple more chapter amongst friends?
Lastly, the audio version. I've listened to this narrator before and I do like him, KC Kelly narrated two of my all time favorite audiobooks, Rattlesnake and Brute by Kim Fielding. He has an evenness about his voice that is quite soothing, very easy to listen to. There wasn't much to distinguish between the two MC's voices but I didn't find myself mixing them up. It can be challenging to listen to a difficult subject like rape in audio format, but Mr. Kelly performed it perfectly with the correct emotions, but without over acting or dramatizing.
This was a solid book by Mr. Fessenden about a very difficult subject. So it may not be for everyone, but is a lovely story nonetheless. I really only cried twice, so given the topic I think he handled it well without needlessly pulling on heart strings. Reading it or listening to it would be equally enjoyable in my opinion, it just depends on your preference.
Received audio version from the publisher in exchange for an honest review, reviewed for Hearts On Fire
But I did end up being glad that the story was slow to begin. I think it was important for us to know Derek prior to the assault, since there's always a Before and an After when someone has such a traumatic event occur. We knew him, we knew his relationship with Tim, we knew his friendship with Victor. And Russ knew these things too. I was glad that he and Derek had met and developed a new yet tentative friendship prior to the attack.
Each chapter has a duel POV with Derek and Russ. This has positives and negatives. It created a rhythm that I could predict, which was a good thing. Especially since the audio version didn't really pause when switching scenes. Within a sentence or two it was always obvious who's POV it was, but this helped to know that since I just found out what was going on with Derek, next I would see what Russ was up to. And it made sure we felt as though the story was about Derek and Russ, so that the story was about them coming together and overcoming obstacles as opposed to just about Derek's rape. However, once the rape occurred, I didn't really give a shit about Russ talking to his partner or going to a gay men's group in Manchester or having hook ups. I just wanted to know what was going on with Derek! So it was frustrating early on after the rape, but once they entered a relationship I did like it so we could see where they were both coming from.
Mr. Fessenden portrayed the struggles that Derek had very well. It was heart wrenching to watch him go through that, especially to see how isolated he felt and how much he blamed himself. Russ was an amazing addition and I loved watching their friendship grow into more, even though the physical intimacy didn't develop until after the story had ended.
It did end a bit abruptly though. I mean, it ended once all the drama resolved. But like, immediately after all the drama resolved. Which is appropriate, but also feels like someone slamming on the brakes after you've been on a slow and steady three day long road trip. Instead of a recap of how the court case went and Derek's work situation and their relationship developing without Victor hanging over their heads, I would have rather read it. That's kinda all the good stuff. Yes, the story was long as it, but what's a couple more chapter amongst friends?
Lastly, the audio version. I've listened to this narrator before and I do like him, KC Kelly narrated two of my all time favorite audiobooks, Rattlesnake and Brute by Kim Fielding. He has an evenness about his voice that is quite soothing, very easy to listen to. There wasn't much to distinguish between the two MC's voices but I didn't find myself mixing them up. It can be challenging to listen to a difficult subject like rape in audio format, but Mr. Kelly performed it perfectly with the correct emotions, but without over acting or dramatizing.
This was a solid book by Mr. Fessenden about a very difficult subject. So it may not be for everyone, but is a lovely story nonetheless. I really only cried twice, so given the topic I think he handled it well without needlessly pulling on heart strings. Reading it or listening to it would be equally enjoyable in my opinion, it just depends on your preference.
Received audio version from the publisher in exchange for an honest review, reviewed for Hearts On Fire
January 16, 2017
Derek Sawyer thinks he has it all—a high-salaried position, a boyfriend, a dog, even a new cabin on the lake—until a business trip with his manager and best friend, Victor, shatters his world. One night of drunken horsing around in their hotel room leads to the most intensely personal violation Derek has ever endured. - Blurb excerpt from “Violated”
Needless to say, this is not a book I would have sought out at all. Rape for me is very difficult to read and so typically I avoid books with this theme. The violation of another person in that way is just more than my heart can take. So reading this was a personal feat and I am so glad I took this on. This was breathtaking.
“You… destroyed… me.”
Derek is not only raped but raped by someone he knows…someone he trusted…someone he has called his best friend for over 20 years. How can he trust again? Trust a man again?
This was undeniably difficult to endure but Jamie Fessenden deserves all the accolades on this one. Jamie beautifully brings you into the mind of Derek. Feeling every emotion, every fear, every internal struggle, flinch, panic attack and self-accusation. Not to mention feeling how vulnerable a victim of rape becomes and more specifically how a gay man feels. The sensory acuity expressed here is exceptionally captured. From the smell of Victor's cologne to his voice you feel every emotional impact this has.
Derek had his own demons from his childhood that certainly did not help his situation at all but learning to live with this incident was a huge part of his journey. And it was Russ who ultimately became a part of that journey.
Russ…
Russ…
Russ…
I want to tackle you in a hug and cuddle you forever. I just love you.
This is one of the most caring and loving men I have ever read about. Patient and protective, he is exactly who Derek needs. And while Russ has his own POV is it not until nearly 60% that the relationship begins. And getting their stories before their relationship was a huge part of understanding who each of these men are and what they need. But no one was more perfect for Derek than him.
Whenever Derek caught his eye, the warmth he found there amazed him. No man had ever looked at him quite like that.
Even though he knew Russ wouldn’t want him to feel that way, Derek felt foolish and self-indulgent. He reached across the table and rested his right hand over Russ’s left. For a few seconds he did nothing more than rest it there, until he concluded that he liked the feel of Russ’s skin under his fingers. He stroked it lightly with his fingertips and glanced up to see Russ watching him closely.
The rape and the journey consume nearly every page of this book. This is not a remote incident but is a part of Derek that has ultimately changed him forever. How this couple learns to handle each other is quite remarkable. The relationship has some of the most touching and heartwarming moments I have read in a while.
Susan had warned Russ that Derek would never be “over” what Victor had done to him. He would never forget it. It would never go away. It would always influence his feelings about sex, about men, about friends…. But he and Derek could still build a life together. They could still love each other. Russ just needed to let Derek heal in his own way, over the rest of his life.
No doubt that this book will stay with me for some time and undoubtedly it will land at the top of my best of 2017 list this year.
**Highly Recommended**
Needless to say, this is not a book I would have sought out at all. Rape for me is very difficult to read and so typically I avoid books with this theme. The violation of another person in that way is just more than my heart can take. So reading this was a personal feat and I am so glad I took this on. This was breathtaking.
“You… destroyed… me.”
Derek is not only raped but raped by someone he knows…someone he trusted…someone he has called his best friend for over 20 years. How can he trust again? Trust a man again?
This was undeniably difficult to endure but Jamie Fessenden deserves all the accolades on this one. Jamie beautifully brings you into the mind of Derek. Feeling every emotion, every fear, every internal struggle, flinch, panic attack and self-accusation. Not to mention feeling how vulnerable a victim of rape becomes and more specifically how a gay man feels. The sensory acuity expressed here is exceptionally captured. From the smell of Victor's cologne to his voice you feel every emotional impact this has.
Derek had his own demons from his childhood that certainly did not help his situation at all but learning to live with this incident was a huge part of his journey. And it was Russ who ultimately became a part of that journey.
Russ…
Russ…
Russ…
I want to tackle you in a hug and cuddle you forever. I just love you.
This is one of the most caring and loving men I have ever read about. Patient and protective, he is exactly who Derek needs. And while Russ has his own POV is it not until nearly 60% that the relationship begins. And getting their stories before their relationship was a huge part of understanding who each of these men are and what they need. But no one was more perfect for Derek than him.
Whenever Derek caught his eye, the warmth he found there amazed him. No man had ever looked at him quite like that.
Even though he knew Russ wouldn’t want him to feel that way, Derek felt foolish and self-indulgent. He reached across the table and rested his right hand over Russ’s left. For a few seconds he did nothing more than rest it there, until he concluded that he liked the feel of Russ’s skin under his fingers. He stroked it lightly with his fingertips and glanced up to see Russ watching him closely.
The rape and the journey consume nearly every page of this book. This is not a remote incident but is a part of Derek that has ultimately changed him forever. How this couple learns to handle each other is quite remarkable. The relationship has some of the most touching and heartwarming moments I have read in a while.
Susan had warned Russ that Derek would never be “over” what Victor had done to him. He would never forget it. It would never go away. It would always influence his feelings about sex, about men, about friends…. But he and Derek could still build a life together. They could still love each other. Russ just needed to let Derek heal in his own way, over the rest of his life.
No doubt that this book will stay with me for some time and undoubtedly it will land at the top of my best of 2017 list this year.
**Highly Recommended**
September 5, 2017
Dass Jamie Fessenden schreiben kann, hat er schon mit seiner Geschichte »Mord auf dem Berg« bewiesen und daher war es für mich natürlich ein Muss, auch in »Missbraucht« reinzuschauen, obwohl mir schon anhand der Inhaltsangabe klar war: das wird keine seichte Lektüre.
Und das wurde sie auch nicht, denn sein Hauptcharakter Derek lebt völlig mit dem Kopf in den Wolken und ist ein Mann, der bei mir von der ersten Seite an den Eindruck erweckte, dass er zu allem Ja und Amen sagen würde, nur um seine Ruhe zu haben. Er hält aus lauter Faulheit/Bequemlichkeit an einer Beziehung fest, die vermutlich von Anfang an zum Scheitern verurteilt war hat keine Freunde, abgesehen von Kotzbrocken Victor, der sich für die Schöpfung Gottes hält, und auch kein richtiges Leben. Das einzige, worum Derek wirklich je gekämpft hat, ist das Haus am See, das zu seinem Rückzugsort wird, nachdem sein angeblich bester Freund ihn vergewaltigt und danach auch noch der Belästigung beschuldigt.
Dereks angeblich so tolles Leben geht ruckzuck völlig den Bach runter und er tut, was viele Opfer tun, er verkriecht sich und erstarrt förmlich. Dadurch verliert er nicht nur seinen Verlobten, der ihm die Vergewaltigung nicht mal glaubt, sondern auch alles andere. Und er tut nichts. Absolut nichts, und das war beim Lesen die Hölle für mich. Ich wollte ihn so oft schütteln und ihm in den Arsch treten, ihm sagen, dass er gefälligst den Kopf aus selbigem ziehen und sich nicht weiter alles gefallen lassen soll. Was natürlich das völlig Falsche gewesen wäre, das weiß ich.
Fessenden schafft es unheimlich gut, diese innere Zerrissenheit, dieses hilflose Hin und Her in seinem Charakter darzustellen, dass ich ständig zwischen Derek verhauen und Mitgefühl mit ihm haben umher schwankte.
Schließlich schafft es Derek, sich seinem neuen Nachbarn, dem Polizisten Russ, mit dem ihn bereits vor der Vergewaltigung eine lockere Freundschaft verband, zu öffnen und ihm alles zu erzählen. Und Russ ist da. Er war schon vorher da, weil er von Beginn an an Derek interessiert war, sich aber niemals mit einem gebundenen Mann einlassen würde. Doch jetzt, wo Derek wieder Single ist, darf er sich mehr wünschen, auch wenn ihm als Polizist klar ist, dass er sehr viel Zeit und Geduld brauchen wird, um Derek aus dem Loch zu ziehen, in das er sich seit der Vergewaltigung verkrochen hat. Doch Russ hat genug von beidem und er schafft es, Derek zu einer Anzeige zu bewegen, die erst einen und dann nach und nach weitere Steine ins Rollen bringt, denn es gibt Beweise für Victors Tat, und als man den plötzlich nicht mehr als das unschuldige Opfer sondern als Täter ansieht, wird es brenzlig.
Denn Victor ist kein Mann, der bereit ist, Fehler einzugestehen, und wenn es nach ihm geht, hat er Derek ohnehin nur das gegeben, was der sich angeblich seit Jahren heimlich von ihm gewünscht hat. Und er hat vor, das Derek noch einmal sehr deutlich klarzumachen.
Eine erstklassige Geschichte über ein Thema, das immer noch viel zu oft totgeschwiegen wird, weil Männer sich noch mehr schämen als Frauen, eine Vergewaltigung zur Anzeige zu bringen.
Ich vergebe volle Punktzahl, eine dicke Leseempfehlung mit möglichem Taschentuchalarm und bedanke mich recht herzlich beim Dreamspinner Verlag für das Rezensionsexemplar.
Und das wurde sie auch nicht, denn sein Hauptcharakter Derek lebt völlig mit dem Kopf in den Wolken und ist ein Mann, der bei mir von der ersten Seite an den Eindruck erweckte, dass er zu allem Ja und Amen sagen würde, nur um seine Ruhe zu haben. Er hält aus lauter Faulheit/Bequemlichkeit an einer Beziehung fest, die vermutlich von Anfang an zum Scheitern verurteilt war hat keine Freunde, abgesehen von Kotzbrocken Victor, der sich für die Schöpfung Gottes hält, und auch kein richtiges Leben. Das einzige, worum Derek wirklich je gekämpft hat, ist das Haus am See, das zu seinem Rückzugsort wird, nachdem sein angeblich bester Freund ihn vergewaltigt und danach auch noch der Belästigung beschuldigt.
Dereks angeblich so tolles Leben geht ruckzuck völlig den Bach runter und er tut, was viele Opfer tun, er verkriecht sich und erstarrt förmlich. Dadurch verliert er nicht nur seinen Verlobten, der ihm die Vergewaltigung nicht mal glaubt, sondern auch alles andere. Und er tut nichts. Absolut nichts, und das war beim Lesen die Hölle für mich. Ich wollte ihn so oft schütteln und ihm in den Arsch treten, ihm sagen, dass er gefälligst den Kopf aus selbigem ziehen und sich nicht weiter alles gefallen lassen soll. Was natürlich das völlig Falsche gewesen wäre, das weiß ich.
Fessenden schafft es unheimlich gut, diese innere Zerrissenheit, dieses hilflose Hin und Her in seinem Charakter darzustellen, dass ich ständig zwischen Derek verhauen und Mitgefühl mit ihm haben umher schwankte.
Schließlich schafft es Derek, sich seinem neuen Nachbarn, dem Polizisten Russ, mit dem ihn bereits vor der Vergewaltigung eine lockere Freundschaft verband, zu öffnen und ihm alles zu erzählen. Und Russ ist da. Er war schon vorher da, weil er von Beginn an an Derek interessiert war, sich aber niemals mit einem gebundenen Mann einlassen würde. Doch jetzt, wo Derek wieder Single ist, darf er sich mehr wünschen, auch wenn ihm als Polizist klar ist, dass er sehr viel Zeit und Geduld brauchen wird, um Derek aus dem Loch zu ziehen, in das er sich seit der Vergewaltigung verkrochen hat. Doch Russ hat genug von beidem und er schafft es, Derek zu einer Anzeige zu bewegen, die erst einen und dann nach und nach weitere Steine ins Rollen bringt, denn es gibt Beweise für Victors Tat, und als man den plötzlich nicht mehr als das unschuldige Opfer sondern als Täter ansieht, wird es brenzlig.
Denn Victor ist kein Mann, der bereit ist, Fehler einzugestehen, und wenn es nach ihm geht, hat er Derek ohnehin nur das gegeben, was der sich angeblich seit Jahren heimlich von ihm gewünscht hat. Und er hat vor, das Derek noch einmal sehr deutlich klarzumachen.
Eine erstklassige Geschichte über ein Thema, das immer noch viel zu oft totgeschwiegen wird, weil Männer sich noch mehr schämen als Frauen, eine Vergewaltigung zur Anzeige zu bringen.
Ich vergebe volle Punktzahl, eine dicke Leseempfehlung mit möglichem Taschentuchalarm und bedanke mich recht herzlich beim Dreamspinner Verlag für das Rezensionsexemplar.
August 19, 2016
3.5 stars
I’ve listened to an audiobook narrated by K.C. Kelly before and loved the narration. The audiobook for ‘Violated’ is solid. The pacing is good, the voices of different characters are differentiated, and the narration kept me engaged. The narrator does a good job of setting the appropriate mood for a book that deals with a very heavy topic.
‘Violated’ doesn’t gloss over Derek’s rape. It is all on-page, and we get a front-row seat to the damage it inflicts on Derek. The author depicts every aspect of rape - the physical affects, the mental trauma, the societal judgement, and even the possible economic outcome.
Anyone who has questioned a rape victim’s story simply because the victim took a long period of time to come forward should read this book.
In the aftermath of the rape, Derek falls apart. He finds it difficult to go to work, where he has to see his attacker everyday. He can’t confide in Tim, who already thinks the worst of him. He’s alone, and what he feels most is the total humiliation of it all. Derek hates himself for the rape, and blames himself for being raped.
It’s not an easy thing to read. For the first half of the book, there’s no hint of happiness as Derek deals with the fallout of what happened to him. I spent the first half just angry and sad at the injustice of it all.
It isn’t until the second half, when Derek returns to his cabin, that we see him begin to slowly heal. There is no magic healing penis, which I can’t thank the author for enough. Russ knows something’s up with Derek, and so he keeps an eye out for Derek and gets to know him, but there’s no sex between the two for a long time.
I would say this book is more about Derek’s healing process than it is about the romance, and there’s nothing wrong with that. That doesn’t mean that the romance isn’t there, it’s just quiet. It’s clear that Derek and Russ have a connection, one which may have come about at an unfortunate time, but is nevertheless real.
I would have liked some more relationship development right before the epilogue. The epilogue skips two years in advance, and those two years seem to be where Derek and Russ really move forward, with both Derek’s recovery and their relationship. Even so, the epilogue leaves no doubt that Derek and Russ love each other deeply, and have worked hard for a happy ending.
‘Violated’ expertly addresses some difficult and pertinent topics, including rape, hypermasculinity, and the police’s attitude towards rape victims. This isn’t an easy book to read or listen to, but it is well-written and will make you think. If you don’t mind a romance that takes the backseat and a happy ending that isn’t conventional, but very realistic, give this book a try.
I’ve listened to an audiobook narrated by K.C. Kelly before and loved the narration. The audiobook for ‘Violated’ is solid. The pacing is good, the voices of different characters are differentiated, and the narration kept me engaged. The narrator does a good job of setting the appropriate mood for a book that deals with a very heavy topic.
‘Violated’ doesn’t gloss over Derek’s rape. It is all on-page, and we get a front-row seat to the damage it inflicts on Derek. The author depicts every aspect of rape - the physical affects, the mental trauma, the societal judgement, and even the possible economic outcome.
Anyone who has questioned a rape victim’s story simply because the victim took a long period of time to come forward should read this book.
In the aftermath of the rape, Derek falls apart. He finds it difficult to go to work, where he has to see his attacker everyday. He can’t confide in Tim, who already thinks the worst of him. He’s alone, and what he feels most is the total humiliation of it all. Derek hates himself for the rape, and blames himself for being raped.
It’s not an easy thing to read. For the first half of the book, there’s no hint of happiness as Derek deals with the fallout of what happened to him. I spent the first half just angry and sad at the injustice of it all.
It isn’t until the second half, when Derek returns to his cabin, that we see him begin to slowly heal. There is no magic healing penis, which I can’t thank the author for enough. Russ knows something’s up with Derek, and so he keeps an eye out for Derek and gets to know him, but there’s no sex between the two for a long time.
I would say this book is more about Derek’s healing process than it is about the romance, and there’s nothing wrong with that. That doesn’t mean that the romance isn’t there, it’s just quiet. It’s clear that Derek and Russ have a connection, one which may have come about at an unfortunate time, but is nevertheless real.
I would have liked some more relationship development right before the epilogue. The epilogue skips two years in advance, and those two years seem to be where Derek and Russ really move forward, with both Derek’s recovery and their relationship. Even so, the epilogue leaves no doubt that Derek and Russ love each other deeply, and have worked hard for a happy ending.
‘Violated’ expertly addresses some difficult and pertinent topics, including rape, hypermasculinity, and the police’s attitude towards rape victims. This isn’t an easy book to read or listen to, but it is well-written and will make you think. If you don’t mind a romance that takes the backseat and a happy ending that isn’t conventional, but very realistic, give this book a try.
August 26, 2015
Overall, a well-written story. Here are the problems I had. Too much time spent with random people Russ hooked up with, like Ian and Brian. Don't care about these guys. And in fact, the whole Rabbit Hollow episode seemed unnecessary and like WTF? Then we come to the conclusion of the story. And it is time for the payoff. Comfort and healing for Derek. But it is all neatly wrapped up in a few pages of epilogue. What a waste of an opportunity. Three years of the healing process in a few paragraphs.
August 21, 2015
5+ Stars. People will be talking about this novel for a long time, and rightly so. The author has taken us on a gripping journey into the mindset of a male rape victim which is uncommon in and of itself. That this character was raped by an old friend made it even more difficult to comprehend. This was a tough read but a very honest and painful look at what happens when you just can't cope, no matter how hard you try, and how much others want to help. There was no easy fix here but the ending left me hopeful and very satisfied. Bravo Jamie!
August 28, 2015
My first M/M romance. It was pretty good and it didn't have a lot of sex scenes, which was good for a first read!
August 18, 2017
No.
I did not like Violated at all. Surprisingly, my dislike for this book has nothing to do with the actual subject of the book: rape. Maybe that makes me rude or distasteful but maybe i'm just desensitized - who knows.
There were multiple things I couldn't get past in this book:
1. The horrible...and I mean horrible audio version of this book. I couldn't have been more bored or more annoyed with the narration of this book. It completely took me out of the experience.
2. The fact that the men were naked in the most unrealistic and ridiculous times all throughout the book. I am a-okay with nudity and all that jazz, I welcome it even. But the situations where the MC's were naked were completely ridiculous.
3. The victim mentality and the constant babying of Derek. Look, this one might get some raised brows, but I've been through some fucked up shit in my life and never once have I played victim. You might think I'm being insensitive but I couldn't get past this.
4. The ending drama....just....no.
Needless to say, I was really disappointed by this book. I was hoping for so much more and it just fell short for me
Read
August 10, 2017DNF 40%
Normally I don't like to rant about a book I did not finish but this I have to say!!!!
I went in reading this one knowing full well it was about this guy that was raped... okay that being said I really tried to put myself in his shoes and tried very hard not to judge but I just couldn't anymore.
I know that it't not your choice to be a victim shit happens and we all deal with stuff differently but REALLY being pathetic that's a choice and Derek chose to be ten folds pathetic.
If I was raped by my so called best friend (who I know was an asshole but still keep him around as my best friend???) I would piss myself every time I see him (working together like they did) and go about like nothing has happens to keep up a front because everyone will start talking that they don't do things together anymore ...I don't know that sounds a bit odd????
Normally I don't like to rant about a book I did not finish but this I have to say!!!!
I went in reading this one knowing full well it was about this guy that was raped... okay that being said I really tried to put myself in his shoes and tried very hard not to judge but I just couldn't anymore.
I know that it't not your choice to be a victim shit happens and we all deal with stuff differently but REALLY being pathetic that's a choice and Derek chose to be ten folds pathetic.
If I was raped by my so called best friend (who I know was an asshole but still keep him around as my best friend???) I would piss myself every time I see him (working together like they did) and go about like nothing has happens to keep up a front because everyone will start talking that they don't do things together anymore ...I don't know that sounds a bit odd????
November 11, 2015
The title of the book intrigued me and the synopsis had me reading it without a second thought. This is definitely not a book for everyone because of the rape content. It happens on page so it may prove to be too much for some.
I loved how the author played out Derek's post-rape trauma and life. It felt very authentic, imo, especially how he second guesses himself and how he should've been able to fight back. It also irritated me (not towards the author -- but towards the thought and its prevalence in society) and saddened me to no end how Derek fought with himself and Russ about male rape -- how men, especially those who do work out and are muscular, don't get raped, that they--and, by extention, he--should've been able to push their rapist off. And that he didn't say no, that he should've fought harder...that it was his fault. And it's tough, you know...tough to not only read something like that, but tougher still to acknowledge that that insidious sentiment is exactly how society feels. I think all sexual abuse is terrible, but I loved that the author decided to tackle male rape.
I did feel the book was awkward at times, and that was mostly on Russ's end of things. I did like that we got both POVs, something different from the previous work I've read by this author, but I don't feel it was necessary to always have to include what Russ was up to. In the beginning, I really didn't need to read a lot of Russ's POVs because he's just going about doing well...nothing, really. I thought some of his scenes weren't necessary and just wanted it to get back to Derek.
I also didn't like the sex-with-people-other-than-the-MCs business. About 50% of the book consisted of the characters having sex with others (mostly Russ, with the addition of one scene between Tim/Derek and one of Derek's rape). I really didn't need to read the multiple sex scenes with Russ and Ian or Brian. I got that the guy was lonely, and I did like the author illustrating his yearning for affection, but I think that could've also been done with just one or two sex scenes...not scene after scene of him hooking up with others. I did like the juxtaposition of Derek's life falling apart while Russ was trying to find companionship in the wrong places, though.
The other reason why the scenes with others annoyed me is that we don't get that with the two MCs. We get only one sex scene between Derek and Russ, and that happens near the very end. Oh, and we're just thrown in the middle of it. While 50% of the book is spent on Russ having sex with Ian/Brian, we literally only get like half a scene between the two MCs. AND, another big annoyance: we don't even get Derek and Russ's first foray into a sexual relationship...we're just kind of told at the end that they've gotten to the point where they're comfortable having penetrative sex for the first time (which is the scene we're thrown into the middle of). All we got before that was like a kiss or two, that's it. I would've much preferred some of those other scenes being trashed in favour of more between Derek and Russ.
I also give the author props for improving on his work over time. The previous work I read, Billy's Bones, was from 2013, and this book definitely feels like it's much better in comparison. The relationship in Violated feels a lot more balanced, which was something I really disliked about Billy's Bones.
I loved how the author played out Derek's post-rape trauma and life. It felt very authentic, imo, especially how he second guesses himself and how he should've been able to fight back. It also irritated me (not towards the author -- but towards the thought and its prevalence in society) and saddened me to no end how Derek fought with himself and Russ about male rape -- how men, especially those who do work out and are muscular, don't get raped, that they--and, by extention, he--should've been able to push their rapist off. And that he didn't say no, that he should've fought harder...that it was his fault. And it's tough, you know...tough to not only read something like that, but tougher still to acknowledge that that insidious sentiment is exactly how society feels. I think all sexual abuse is terrible, but I loved that the author decided to tackle male rape.
I did feel the book was awkward at times, and that was mostly on Russ's end of things. I did like that we got both POVs, something different from the previous work I've read by this author, but I don't feel it was necessary to always have to include what Russ was up to. In the beginning, I really didn't need to read a lot of Russ's POVs because he's just going about doing well...nothing, really. I thought some of his scenes weren't necessary and just wanted it to get back to Derek.
I also didn't like the sex-with-people-other-than-the-MCs business. About 50% of the book consisted of the characters having sex with others (mostly Russ, with the addition of one scene between Tim/Derek and one of Derek's rape). I really didn't need to read the multiple sex scenes with Russ and Ian or Brian. I got that the guy was lonely, and I did like the author illustrating his yearning for affection, but I think that could've also been done with just one or two sex scenes...not scene after scene of him hooking up with others. I did like the juxtaposition of Derek's life falling apart while Russ was trying to find companionship in the wrong places, though.
The other reason why the scenes with others annoyed me is that we don't get that with the two MCs. We get only one sex scene between Derek and Russ, and that happens near the very end. Oh, and we're just thrown in the middle of it. While 50% of the book is spent on Russ having sex with Ian/Brian, we literally only get like half a scene between the two MCs. AND, another big annoyance: we don't even get Derek and Russ's first foray into a sexual relationship...we're just kind of told at the end that they've gotten to the point where they're comfortable having penetrative sex for the first time (which is the scene we're thrown into the middle of). All we got before that was like a kiss or two, that's it. I would've much preferred some of those other scenes being trashed in favour of more between Derek and Russ.
I also give the author props for improving on his work over time. The previous work I read, Billy's Bones, was from 2013, and this book definitely feels like it's much better in comparison. The relationship in Violated feels a lot more balanced, which was something I really disliked about Billy's Bones.
August 8, 2015
REVIEWED FOR PRISM BOOK ALLIANCE
4.5 Stars
Derek Sawyer seems to have it all. A nice condo, a great job, engaged to the man he loves, works with Victor his best friend of 20 years and he and his fiancé have just bought a cabin in the wilderness to use for weekends and holidays.
When he and Victor head off to Tampa for work nothing could have prepared him for how his life was about to change. After too much to drink Derek wakes up to Victor raping him and his whole existence spirals out of control. Instead of reporting it Derek cleans himself up and closes himself down and has to live through travelling home the next day with the man that has violated him and who is behaving as though nothing is wrong.
His upbringing certainly doesn’t help him deal with what has happened to him. We have to watch him over the next few months try and act as though he is fine when really his world has imploded. Victor continues to act as though nothing is wrong and his fiancée, who is insensitive as hell and a douche, has no idea what has happened. Slowly their relationship folds under the stress and when things take a turn for the worse at Derek’s work and he is fired Tim walks away from the relationship without a backward glance.
Flailing, alone and rapidly running out of options the only person who believes in him without any question is Russ. The man is perceptive as hell after dealing with rape victims through work and he is quick to realise the truth of Derek’s situation. With coaxing and support he persuades Derek to report the crime and start taking back his life.
I suppose as anyone running scared would feel Victor hasn’t finished with Derek yet but when he lurches back into Derek’s life yet again things don’t go for him as planned.
Although the story is filled with angst and the topic is serious and bleak there is also humour and glimpses of hope. There is a huge difference in the man Derek sees in the mirror and the man he feels he has become. To say I enjoyed this story seems wrong. I think I felt this story – I felt Derek’s fears and shame, cheered for him when he made strides back to his old life and I loved Russ for having his back through it all. I am so glad there wasn’t some magic resolution at the end. It was painful and slow and every step of the way felt right.
4.5 Stars
Derek Sawyer seems to have it all. A nice condo, a great job, engaged to the man he loves, works with Victor his best friend of 20 years and he and his fiancé have just bought a cabin in the wilderness to use for weekends and holidays.
When he and Victor head off to Tampa for work nothing could have prepared him for how his life was about to change. After too much to drink Derek wakes up to Victor raping him and his whole existence spirals out of control. Instead of reporting it Derek cleans himself up and closes himself down and has to live through travelling home the next day with the man that has violated him and who is behaving as though nothing is wrong.
His upbringing certainly doesn’t help him deal with what has happened to him. We have to watch him over the next few months try and act as though he is fine when really his world has imploded. Victor continues to act as though nothing is wrong and his fiancée, who is insensitive as hell and a douche, has no idea what has happened. Slowly their relationship folds under the stress and when things take a turn for the worse at Derek’s work and he is fired Tim walks away from the relationship without a backward glance.
Flailing, alone and rapidly running out of options the only person who believes in him without any question is Russ. The man is perceptive as hell after dealing with rape victims through work and he is quick to realise the truth of Derek’s situation. With coaxing and support he persuades Derek to report the crime and start taking back his life.
I suppose as anyone running scared would feel Victor hasn’t finished with Derek yet but when he lurches back into Derek’s life yet again things don’t go for him as planned.
Although the story is filled with angst and the topic is serious and bleak there is also humour and glimpses of hope. There is a huge difference in the man Derek sees in the mirror and the man he feels he has become. To say I enjoyed this story seems wrong. I think I felt this story – I felt Derek’s fears and shame, cheered for him when he made strides back to his old life and I loved Russ for having his back through it all. I am so glad there wasn’t some magic resolution at the end. It was painful and slow and every step of the way felt right.
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