How to Choose a Husband: : And Make Peace with Marriage

by Suzanne Venker

It's been forty years since the sexual revolution, and the women of America have everything they want. Everything, that is, except a husband. Women may be schooled in the art of sex, but they have failed in the art of love.That isn't surprising. The modern generation is living in a culture that isn't the least bit interested in helping them get hitched. For decades women have been taught to sleep around indiscriminately, to pursue an education and career at all costs, and to never depend on a man. As a result, women delay marriage indefinitely or ignore it altogether -- as though marriage has no bearing on their happiness. As though it were a nice idea, or nice accompaniment, to an otherwise satisfying life.This is an unprecedented worldview. Until recently, women have always mapped out their lives according to what they considered their most important wife and mother. Today, women plan their entire futures around big careers. Husband and children come last.In How to Choose a Husband, social critic and bestselling author Suzanne Venker says American women need a detox. If they want to be happy, or just plain satisfied, they must do a 180 when it comes to their attitude toward sex, courtship, and married life.If they do, marriageable men will reappear -- and women will find the love that eludes them.

Genres: Relationships, Nonfiction, Marriage

171 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 5, 2013

Reviews

[Stephen M]

"Men and women may be capable of doing many of the same things, but that doesn’t mean they want to. That we don’t have more female CEOs or stay-at-home dads proves this in spades.
Unless, of course, you’re beholden to feminism. In that case, you’ll believe the above is evidence of discrimination. You’ll believe what feminists taught you to believe: that gender is a social construct.
Those of us with children know better. We know little girls love their dolls and boys just want to kick that ball. This doesn’t mean men can’t take care of babies or women can’t play sports. It just means each gender has its own energy that flows in a specific direction."

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2013/0...


My brain hurts.

[Meg · Rating 1 out of 5]

Choosing a husband is a slightly disingenuous title since the book is more about choosing a sperm donor than about choosing a life partner. How To Choose a Husband was a lot more about how not to have any goals or identity outside of childrearing than about making peace with marriage. Feel dissatisfaction at work? It’s totally NOT because you’d be happier in another field, your boss is a jerk, or women make 74 cents to a man’s dollar. It’s because women are only fulfilled by submitting to their husbands and having babies. Any happiness women take from professional success or work satisfaction is a result of feminist trickery, convincing women that they want to be men.

Most of the book states and restates that any desire felt for babies and home life is woman’s inner nature asserting its proper place, and any desire for any other kind of life, or any conflict about motherhood and other goals, it’s all due to feminist trickery.

Then Venker describes how to act on this wisdom. Don’t spend time with your single friends. Ignore all presentation of relationships in the media — except for the book, of course! Don’t focus so much on a career, and definitely don’t inconvenience your husband for your career, since you’ll be giving that up soon to have babies. Make sure your husband feels like a Man, by agreeing with what he says, deferring to him, and by having sex when he tells you to. (Because all men want sex all the time, and women aren’t particularly interested, apparently.) Parts of the book infuriated me, but overall it was just such a terribly dull and depressing view of womanhood. Subservience to a decision-making husband instead of having a friendship between equals, and devaluing any career or artistic success as a time-filler until motherhood is just too depressing to contemplate.

(Via On Advice)

Overall, WHAT DID I JUST READ?

[Bookish Jen · Rating 1 out of 5]

When anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly died last year, most people’s reaction was, “I thought that old bat died ages ago.”

As many of you know I wrote a review of the late Schlafly’s book the Flipside of Feminism, a book she wrote with her niece, Gen X anti-feminist Suzanne Venker. After Phyllis shoved off this mortal coil, I thought, “Just who is Suzanne going to use to justify her existence now that she can’t ride her more famous aunt’s taint to shame and bitches?”

Alas, I mustn’t be alarmed. Good old Suzanne will soldier on and continue to throw feminism and women as a whole under the bus via her various articles, appearances on FOX News, her “I’d like to speak to the manager,” hair do and her books. Yep, Suzanne has written other books and I just had to review another one for my beloved readers. Hence, my review of Suzanne’s latest opus, “How to Choose a Husband: And Make Peace with Marriage.

Now this isn’t a typical how to find a man and getting him to marry book you’re likely to find in the self-help section of your favorite book store or through a quick search on Amazon. Nope, in this booker Venker goes on a totally tizzy about pop culture, the media, education, the household, careers and the workplace, raising children, confused men, bitchy women and her favorite punching bag, feminism.

How to Choose a Husband has two parts. Part One, named “You Go, Girl” contains four finger wagging chapters—The Naked Emperor, Never Rely on a Man, Slutville and Expectations. Part Two offers a 12-step program on how to find a cash register on legs (oops, a husband) and find the one true life for all women, life as a wife and mother. And if you desire any life beyond a wife and mother, well, you are truly an awful person. These steps include the following:

Live an Examined Life
Get Over Yourself
Return to Femininity
Don’t Rely on Love
Get a Ring. Not a Roommate
Reject the Green Grass Syndrome
Marry the Accountant. Not the Artist
Know Your Body
Accept It: You Can’t Have it All
Decide to Stay
Know God, Know Peace
Learn How to Be a Wife: What Do You Bring to the Table
And in the last tiresome part of How to Choose a Husband, Venker provides a list on the “do’s and don’ts” of being a wife.

In “You Go, Girl, Venker pretty much spews out the same rubbish she (and her late Aunt) used to dismiss feminism, while also dismissing the self-esteem movement, pop culture, getting an education and having a career, and recognizing oneself as being a fully sexually human being. Needless to say, you can just read my review of Venker and Schlafly’s book The Flipside of Feminism to get an idea on how I felt about this part of How to Choose Husband.

And in the second part, Venker’s 12 Step program to finding your Mr. Right (Wing) pretty much is summed up in the chapter titles alone. Once again, I don’t have to go into very much detail other than to say Venker spends quite a bit of text bitching about a first marriage to a man named Chris that ended in a divorce (and Chris probably thanking his lucky stars he was unshackled from Vengeance, I mean Venker), In fact, by the time I finished this part, I knew more about Chris than I know about Venker’s current husband. Damn it, Suzie Spew, get a grip or therapy or a fucking vibrator! This early marriage is dead and buried and now you claim to be in a happy second marriage.

I also noticed another thing while reading this part. Venker doesn’t seem to realize that most women know that marriage is more than just being in love, fertility lessens as one gets older, being married to an accountant is probably a bit more secure than being a starving artist (then a man can be an accountant and an artist, and an accountant can lose his job just as much as an artist can have a successful career as a graphic designer and paint in his free time), and nobody, including men, have it all. And if you ask me, I think “having it all” is more of a media creation than a tenant of feminism. I also think most women realize they should be committed to their marriage vows and they should bring good things to a marriage.

However, I must take issue with both returning to femininity and knowing God means knowing peace. On the first part, am I less feminine because, unlike Venker, I identify as a feminist? Or am I more feminine because I have long hair past my shoulders and Venker has short hair? I’m just so confused!!!!

I also deplored her step about knowing peace (in a marriage) means knowing God. Right now I can think of two marriages where the partners for the most part are quite secular and their marriages are thriving and very happy. I’d rather throw myself off a bridge than be married to pieces of shit like Josh Duggar or Phil Robertson.

Speaking of reality TV cretins, as much as Venker accuses pop culture of corrupting women’s minds, she wastes no time using pop culture to advance her point. She considers Steve “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” Harvey is an expert on marriage. Well, I guess he is; he’s on his third. She also thinks Christian Grey from Fifty Shades of Grey is an upstanding guy because he asks, doesn’t demand Anastasia Steel to his controlled, submissive, and masochistic boo. Well, now that you’ve put it that way, Venker.

Originally Published at the Book Self:
https://thebookselfblog.wordpress.com...

[Victor Gentile · Rating 5 out of 5]

Suzanne Venker in her new book, “How To Choose A Husband” published by WND Books gives us the steps on How to Choose a Husband: And Make Peace With Marriage.

From the back cover: America is single.

It’s divorced, under committed, and hopelessly out of touch with monogamy. Why? Because since the day they were born, the modern generation has been taught to postpone marriage indefinitely or ignore it altogether, as though marriage has no bearing on their happiness. As though it were a nice idea, or nice accompaniment, to an otherwise satisfying life.

But if flying solo is so great, why are people Match.com-ing on their lunch breaks and eHarmony-ing on the subway ride home? Why are women standing in the grocery aisles hoping to bring home a husband rather than a head of lettuce?

Sure, being single is fun—for a while. But most people don’t want to stay single forever. Men and women are irrevocably drawn to one another. Since the beginning of time, this attraction has been the driving force of our survival as a species—and until recent decades, has almost always resulted in lasting marriage.

In How to Choose a Husband, author Suzanne Venker tells the truth we’re all trying to ignore: Americans don’t know what it takes to get—and stay—married.

Too many people want marriage to be something it’s not; and when it doesn’t measure up, they become antsy and dissatisfied. Some have affairs, and some get divorced—all in search for something better, something more meaningful, or something more exciting. But if you want a certain kind of marriage, says Venker, it doesn’t just happen. You have to be willing to create it.

A one-time divorcée, Venker has been happily remarried for fifteen years and has two children, ages 10 and 13. And she has a message for the women of America: Choosing the right husband is the single most important decision you’ll ever make in your lifetime. But it’s only step one.

After that, it’s all in your attitude.

For too long we have put up with what the media tells us about marriage and we have suffered because of it. Now Suzanne Venker gives us the hard dose of truth that states that women need to recondition their brains to think about marriage in a way that contradicts everything that they have been taught up to now. “How To Choose A Husband” begins with “What this book is not” then “What this book is”. Then it is broken down into two parts: Part One: “You Go Girl” and Part Two: “The Twelve-Step Program”. This is Ms. Venker’s blueprint for getting women on the path to marriage. Ms. Venker’s theme is simple: we’re going about it all wrong as a culture. Her insights, research and experiences all point to the idea that women need to make family the focus of their lives. Everything else will then fall into place: happiness, satisfaction—even men’s happiness and attitude toward women will shift. After all, men want to love women, not compete with them. Ms.Venker has written quite a book that gives us much to think about. I recommend it highly.

If you would like to listen to interviews with other authors and professionals please go to www.kingdomhighlights.org where they are available On Demand.

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from PR By The Book for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

[AYAH · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book read like my mother's advice but in English! I'm not complaining though <3

Well, what can I say! I'm a Saudi young woman and people usually think this should make me a feminist! Suzanne Venker says that it was technological advance (NOT FEMINISM!) that made life easier for women in the west; I don't know about that, but I know that it was wealth and increased access to education that advanced the state of Women (& men too!)in Saudi Arabia! I'm afraid that just like the late Margret Thatcher, all the successful Saudi women owe nothing to "women lib"!

I took out a star off because I expected something on the level of 7 Myths of Working Mothers: Why Children and (Most) Careers Just Don't Mix and The Flipside of Feminism: What Conservative Women Know—and Men Can't Say but this is still a great book...

[Sarede Switzer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good anti feminist manifesto. Not sure it helped me with choosing a husband tho.

[Tana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book for my 20 yr old daughter, but I wanted to read it first before I gave it to her. This is a well-written book. It talks about how our modern American culture is toxic to marriage - from our "me" centered thoughts to the belief that women and men are interchangeable to not understanding that marriage takes work and nobody is perfect. I really liked the fact that the author did not denigrate her ex-husband. She examined why her first marriage failed and came to the conclusion that her ex was a good man, but that the two of them did not have the same goals in life. The author states that over 70% of divorces in the US are initiated by women. This is why I will be giving this book to my daughter and encouraging her to read it and share it and discuss it with her friends. I'll probably also be purchasing copies for my nieces

[Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars, rounded up to 4. I strongly recommend this book to single women and couples in serious relationships (like myself) to listen to and discuss. There is a fair amount of gender stereotyping, which in my view is justified by evolutionary psychology, social sciences research, and my own life experience. If this stereotyping bothers you, I suggest avoiding the book.


Positives: Lots of great statistics and quotes from researchers, very instructive personal examples, great common-sense arguments against women trying to be exactly like men, well-structured and organized book (12 steps).

Negatives: Some (but not a lot) unjustified stereotyping about the genders (e.g. men are "simple" and submissive women are always happier), Step 11 about having God in your life was unfairly critical of atheism and atheists.

[Katherine Jordan · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was truly the most laughable book I have ever read. If I were to ask anyone for marriage advice it certainly wouldn't be this woman. She has no credentials whatsoever and her writing is subpar. Bestselling my ass. This is nothing but a bitter housewife who hates her life and has nothing better to do than to shame women. Clearly she gets off on such a thing. Terrible. Just terrible.

[Blanche · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was a feminist and studied feminist theory for 4 years until God opened my eyes and saw the evil that it is. While it is true some men are abusers and don't respect women, most guys aren't like that and would want to protect women and are ok to get along with. The idea that men are bad is propaganda and blown up by the media to perpetuate hate. In reality feminism is designed to destroy the family unit, demoralize women, promote abortion, in the name of 'equality' and 'women's rights'.

Suzanne Venker does a good job of telling us how feminism is a big fat lie. Strong and direct to the point. If you want to be successful in your relationships with men, do the opposite of what the feminist-saturated media tells you. Her book outlines 12 steps on navigating your way out from feminism and live your life as the woman God made you to be.

[Morgan Radley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like watching/listening to Suzanne Venker, but this book just wasn't that great. The writing is cliche and feels like a copy-and-paste model from other self-help books. And the tone of the book was so overwhelmingly negative and "I know better than you". Even when I agree with most of the things that the book is saying, I didn't want to read it. And the advice really isn't even there. You get bullet point ideas and then a bunch of rambling. It lacks a clear and concise dialogue about the issues that women face.

[Ilinalta · Rating 2 out of 5]

A very opinionated book about women and marriage. Some points made sense, others did not sit well with me. The book has a great voice, you can really get a feel of what personality the author has. I did not finish this book because I didn't like it enough to keep listening to her opinion. If this was a long article I would read it, but as a book? It's just opinions of someone who I don't care about.

[Andy]

Lots of unpopular opinions. Lots of flaws. I could never talk about this book in public, but I actually kind of like it.
The only major issue I had with it is that it doesn’t tell you how to pick a husband. Most of the advice seems to be geared to people who already are married.
Oh and not to mention a horrible chapter on god. Which I actually do agree with, just cringed a little bit at the presentation is all.

[Brenda Seefeldt · Rating 2 out of 5]

The title is not what the book is.

[Kristin Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVED this Suzanne Venker book! I've read several and so far this is my fave. Would reccomend for any young woman