Where the Mountain Casts Its Shadow: The Dark Side of Extreme Adventure

by Maria Coffey, Thomas F. Hornbein (Foreword)

Without risk, say mountaineers, there would be none of the self-knowledge that comes from pushing life to its extremes. For them, perhaps, it is worth the cost. But when tragedy strikes, what happens to the people left behind? Why would anyone choose to invest in a future with a high-altitude risk-taker? What is life like in the shadow of the mountain? Such questions have long been taboo in the world of mountaineering. Now, the spouses, parents and children of internationally renowned climbers finally break their silence, speaking out about the dark side of adventure.

Maria Coffey confronted one of the harshest realities of mountaineering when her partner Joe Tasker disappeared on the Northeast Ridge of Everest in 1982. In Where the Mountain Casts Its Shadow, Coffey offers an intimate portrait of adventure and the conflicting beauty, passion, and devastation of this alluring obsession. Through interviews with the world's top climbers, or their widows and families-Jim Wickwire, Conrad Anker, Lynn Hill, Joe Simpson, Chris Bonington, Ed Viesturs, Anatoli Boukreev, Alex Lowe, and many others-she explores what compels men and women to give their lives to the high mountains. She asks why, despite the countless tragedies, the world continues to laud their exploits. With an insider's understanding, Coffey reveals the consequences of loving people who pursue such risk-the exhilarating highs and inevitable lows, the stress of long separations, the constant threat of bereavement, and the lives shattered in the wake of climbing accidents.

Where the Mountain Casts Its Shadow is a powerful, affecting and important book that exposes the far reaching personal costs of extreme adventure.

Genres: Mountaineering, Nonfiction, Adventure, Biography, Climbing, Travel, Sports

256 pages, Paperback

First published May 6, 2003

Reviews

[Beth666ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are in a relationship with a mountaineer, the kind who craves extreme high-altitude excitement, then you must come to terms with the fact that you will probably rank second in that person's heart/mind in comparison with climbing mountains. This book seems to say that most mountaineers of this sort simply cannot or will not shift priorities; they cannot be happy or who they are at base unless they are able to risk their lives on mountains. Thus, if you are in a relationship with one of them, you could be in for a hard time. Since high-altitude mountaineering has many fatalities, you may well be signing up for grief; since mountain expeditions can take months, you are in for a relationship based on long separations; since the drive to climb seems compulsive, you are in for a relationship with someone who is never happy at home. I feel slightly annoyed by the cult of adoration about these people--and really grossed out by the ones who are unfaithful to their long-suffering spouses while they are out almost killing themselves. Apparently, society "needs" risk-takers--that is one argument of some in this book. However, I have to say that the spiritual value/communion/advancement provided to us as a society by high-altitude mountaineers risking a frozen death on K2 is not in my opinion significantly valuable to merit/exonerate this level of risk-taking. Whether or not she meant to, Coffey makes these climbers seem small, almost--narrow and obsessed and insensitive to others. The end sum must be: do not marry a high-altitude mountaineer unless you know what you are getting into and are prepared to take the knocks. Someone in the book says that the truly difficult thing to do is live a quiet, responsible non-risk-taking life and formulate meaningful realtionships with those around you. People who can do that seem braver than the death-defiers, IMO. Of course, I do not know any h-a mountaineers personally, so perhaps the situation is different than it seems. These are just my first reations to the book.

[Ellis · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like reading mountain woe books pretty much because I don't know anyone who actually participates in this madness. This book is an interesting look at the people who have no choice in the matter, who are forced to participate because they have a son or daughter or husband or father who climbs. While I appreciate this perspective I hope I never need it. However, here's a line that made my blood run cold: "'He was always going upwards, from the time he was eighteen months old,' said the mother of (some mountaineering guy who probably died falling off the edge of a mountain and broke his poor mother's heart)." That is my son, except try eight months. Now I'm afriad I'll have to keep the pursuit of mountain climbing out of his common knowledge until he's safely too old to take it up.

[Brianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book explores the long-term aftermath of the risk-taking, general lifestyle, and yes, fatalities associated with the upper echelon of mountaineers. I have long found extreme alpinism fascinating from an armchair enthusiast perspective, and am dearly in love with hiking up sub-15,000 foot mountains. Coffey examines the lives of spouses, significant others, and children of mountaineers both before and after tragedies strike, and it leads to many questions (and answers) about why people are attracted to this sport, why individuals are enthralled by and ultimately marry these individuals, and why we tend to view mountaineering feats as heroic.

Truly enjoyed it, but you might have to be an enthusiast to quickly move through this book. The writing style is a bit disjointed at times, but still captivating.

[Ceeceereads · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting read by an author who was incredibly knowledgeable due to being a climber herself and also having been in a relationship ship with a climber who subsequently died on the mountains. I have always been intrigued by mountaineering stories such as Touching the Void and Into Thin Air. It’s fascinating the lengths they go to to climb to the top of a mountain, risking death and the loss of all they hold dear. The concepts explored here are from the aspect of the spouse and how they handle the single-mindedness/ selfishness of a climber. It was an interesting read but the lots of individual stories didn’t pack as much of a punch as some of the intense mountaineering stories that grip you.

[Brian Glenn]

As one might expect from the winner of 2003 Award for Mountain Literature from the Banff Centre, this book deals with a powerful subject: the costs those around mountaineers pay. Maria Coffey was in a relationship with a mountaineer who died on Everest, and this book is a (second) attempt to grapple with those demons. She does it well.

Readers learn of the burdens spouses of the deceased have to bear, the expectations of carrying on their legacy, of attending services, of struggling to find closure when no one can locate a body, or of the flip side, thinking the wounds are closed only to learn years later that the body has been found, and then having to handle the pain all over again.

She also writes of being a partner to a living mountaineer, of always knowing one is their second love, with the mountains coming first. Of raising children alone, of building stability in a household only to have a partner arrive and disrupt it. Of being told what a hero one's partner is, knowing they care less about their families than they do the mountains.

Then there is the...interesting element of people entering into relationships with the spouses of now-dead climbing partners. Conrad Anker is the most famous example, but it turns out there are many.

This is not an easy read! Nor am I certain who needs to read this. In any event, the book needed an editor who would have shortened it, as it is easily seventy pages too long, filled with repetitious stories long after the point has been driven home.

Still, this is a book that needed to be written, and I am hope that in the process, Ms. Coffey was able to find some comfort.

[Naomi M · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful, poetic book about what is rarely talked about in mountaineering literature.
Kind, respectful and with an eye to the seemingly small details that are the whole world and not so small.

[Tammy · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you’ve read any books about mountaineering’s great accomplishments, you’ve also likely read about its great tragedies as well. This book explores an issue rarely, if ever, brought up in these great heroic tales – what about those who are left behind? Is it essentially a selfish act to leave children and spouses for long periods of time in order to climb mountains at great personal risk?

This book gives a voice to those left behind, and the voices are mixed. Some rage against the narcissism of their former lovers or spouses or fathers or mothers who never came home and left gaping holes in their families’ lives. Some accept these absences and these risks as part and parcel of the relationship and see the draw to the mountains as an inextricable part of their loved one’s persona.

As someone who is also drawn to the mountains (although in a monumentally less risky way), I understand the call of adventure and of the wild. However, I must also recognize that taking risks IS a selfish act. The tragedy in this book is not only the lives that have been ravaged by the inevitable tragedies of high altitude mountaineering, but the fact that those who leave their loved ones behind rarely, if ever, explore the selfishness of their actions. It is this psychology that remains relatively unexamined in this book.

[James · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had quite a few surprises for me.

People getting hurt on easy climbs that I've done
like Orizaba & the Riffelhorn.

The thing that made me feel that I was almost a part
of the book was reading that Jim Lowe was more worried
about Alex hitchhiking, than climbing.

September some years ago I wanted to hike the crest trail
from the north cascades highway to Manning park in Canada.
No buses, and no easy way to loop back on another trail,
so I drove my car north on I5 to where the
NC highway branched off.

Parked & went to the highway to thumb a ride,
within 10 minutes a guy stopped & picked me up.

He saw my Kelty pack & asked what I was planning,
and asked if I knew the Lowe brothers.
Turns out he was their father: Jim Lowe
He was very proud of all of them.

When I read in this book he worried more about Alex hitchhiking than climbing, I realized that that was why he picked me up.
He was thinking of his son when he saw me.

Alex probably never appreciated the extent his hitchhiking
worried his father, but now I know.

And thanks again Mr. Lowe for the ride,
the weather was perfect and it was a great trip with
many photos and memories.




A negative is the book has no index,
with all the brief stories in it,
that should be mandatory.

[Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a beautiful book about the often overlooked dark side of mountain climbing: the loved ones left behind. I knew some of the stories chronicled here, but hearing from the partners and children of these extreme adventurers was enlightening, and in many cases, heartbreaking. I enjoyed this very much.

[chucklesthescot · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the second book I've read by the author and I liked this book better and would give it 3.5 stars if the option was available. This book gives a voice to the dead climbers and their thoughts about the dangers of climbing, and juggling climbing with family life. It also tells the stories of the wives and girlfriends who have lost one or more partners to death and disaster on climbs. It concludes with an excellent bibliography of the books written by the climbers about their expeditions and the books completed by their grieving families. It has added quite a few books to my wishlist.

In this book, Maria explores the question of risking your life to climb and the effects that this has on your family and loved ones at home waiting for news. It goes into how different people reacted to the situation-the children who rebelled against their absent fathers, the children who developed their own love for the mountains and the children who never felt they could live up to their famous parent. It meets the women who lost a partner in the mountains to find love again with a similar partner, the women who suffered more than one loss to the mountains and the women who accepted the strange life they were living without question. There is a mixture of climbing stories and human stories which I enjoyed.

One theme that seems to go through a lot of stories can be summed up by the climbing career of Jim Wickwire, who promised after each climb that cost a friend's life that he was finished with climbing and would stay safe for his family. The third timed he missed his son's birthday, he watched two friends die in Alaska and swore to cut down the climbing, yet a year later he was seriously ill on K2 and thinking of quitting climbing. Then he was watching a friend die on Denali, and lost another friend on Everest straight after. It seems more like a compulsion than a hobby so I fully understand why his biography is called Addicted to Danger. Others followed similar patterns despite the fears of their loved ones.

There are other stories of death on the mountains-Alex Lowe on Shishapangma, John Harlin on the Eiger, Mick Burke on Everest, Bruce Herrod on Everest and quite a few more. In each story the thoughts of the loved ones are written, some who were there to witness the death and others who received the news at home. These parts of the book were excellent but tragic to read. The book also looks at the different views when a female climber dies. British climber Alison Hargreaves was the darling of the media when she climbed Everest but was the devil when she was killed on K2, with people calling her a bad mother for leaving her kids behind. Female climbers seem to have a much harder time of it when the media are looking into their lives but nobody gets critical of the countless men who leave their kids to climb.

On the other side of it are the women who seem almost addicted to men with this dangerous hobby. Linda Wylie lost her partner Greg Gordon to an accident on Pumori in 1993, and a year later went on a pilgrimage to Everest Base Camp where she met and soon fell in love with Anatoli Boukreev, who died in 1997 on Annapurna. The widow of Dave Cheesmond married his climbing partner as did the widow of Alex Lowe. Going through such a loss once would be bad enough and most people wonder how these women can risk it a second time. The author herself chose a different path, removing herself from the climbing community and moving to a different country to marry.

I looked through my large mountain climbing collection and noted with grim interest that quite a few of the book authors are dead or were dealt life changing injuries because of their love of climbing. It sobers you to the dangers these people chose to face but I can't be critical of their choices, as I love reading about their exploits. This was a fascinating book which will appeal to climbers and non climbers alike.

[Elsbeth Kwant]

A very good perspective on the other side of adventure - those left behind. Living on the edge through others, well written and interesting

[Darla Ebert · Rating 5 out of 5]

This author would know better than most what it was like to be involved with a mountain climber as well as having a working knowledge of other women who loved mountaineers who then died on and in the mountains. The emotions are raw, the memories still clear and so I found myself gaining a deeper empathy not only for the widows and children of these (mostly) men but a genuine respect. Something too that I learned was the connection these loved ones themselves formed with the mountains whether they wanted to or not, the "draw" of the mountains was real and mesmerizing for them and some of the women see the mountain(s) as The Mistress. For that reason a memory for the author was of a recurring dream (a nightmare, really) of the return of her loved one with another woman. The obvious interpretation being the mountain is personified as the other woman in her husband's life. This disclosure saddened me because something as "inanimate" as a mountain should not hold that kind of power over anyone
.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

High-altitude mountain climbers are often pestered with the question: Why take such risks when the stakes are so high and the rewards so self-indulgent? In her book, Where the Mountain Casts Its Shadow, Maria Coffey puts a twist on this conundrum by asking: Why would anyone put up with them?

Coffey brings an articulate and much-needed voice to this debate, making a dent in what the author describes as the “wall of silence” that protects the male-dominated, insular mountaineering culture from such pesky questions.

The gossipy appeal of getting behind-the-scenes accounts from major climbing stars and their families is soon overtaken, however, by the poignancy of their tales—the harrowing adventures, the seemingly futile deaths. Some of those discussed or interviewed include Conrad Anker, Alex Lowe, Jim Wickwire, Joe Simpson, Chris Bonington, Anatoli Boukreev, Lynn Hill, and Ed Viesturs.
Coffey also interviews the children and parents of mountaineers, and a few female climbers and their mates. But make no mistake, this book is primarily about women who are obsessed with men who are obsessed with mountains.

And in this, Coffey knows of what she speaks. Her boyfriend of two-and-a-half years, famed British mountaineer Joe Tasker, disappeared on Mount Everest in 1982. Two decades and two books later, she’s still seeking to understand her fascination with him and with a life in which long periods of separation and anxiety were occasionally eclipsed by shining moments of glamour and glory.

In sharing her story, Coffey bares her soul with painful honesty. “The mountains were his biggest passion, and I had to fit in where and when I could,” she writes.

The author lets similar tales of hardship from other wives and lovers stand on their own. In one of the book’s more bizarre anecdotes, the widow of a mountaineer claims her husband used to make her wear a dress with a “waist cincher” while climbing with him; this in a sport where unencumbered breathing plays a critical role. Yet, she agreed. “Aesthetics were very important to him,” she explains.

Fortunately, other women come off as more grounded. Paula Viesturs, wife of American climbing star Ed Viesturs, says she no longer attends the worshipful lectures and dinners that follow a successful climb. “He isn’t Gandhi,” she quips.

If a theme does emerge, it’s that crazy love like crazy climbing trumps reason. And here Coffey does a good job in drawing parallels between the addictive nature of climbing and the addictive nature of some of the ensuing relationships. Like the climbers they love, those waiting in the wings become addicted to the cliffhanger dramas, the fleeting victories, the dark desires, and the butt-headed self-destruction.

So what’s the upside? Coffey claims her relationship with Tasker saved her from a predictable life as a schoolteacher and that her connection to mountain climbing in general gave her the vision and courage to move to another country, write ten books, and run an adventure kayaking business. Others claim a similar rescue from dreary nine-to-five existences. And therein may lie the reward for those who hookup with dreamers—an escape from an ordinary life.

[Peter McGinn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this is an important book, and a long time coming. I have read many books on mountaineering, including a very good one by Joe Tasker, the climber who was Maria Coffey's boyfriend at the time of his death. Tasker's book, Savage Arena, is one of the best ones I have read. It deals with the drama and challenges of climbing and he seems to spare none of his thoughts and feelings. I began to get a real sense of the drive that serious mountaineers have, almost an addiction to danger. And when he is in the middle of the climb, with the peril and hunger and thirst, and the overwhelming weariness, he takes a hard look at how he feels at those times.

I read a one-sentence reference in Tasker's book about Maria, and now it stands out: one sentence for a woman he was involved with when an entire page might be spent describing a demanding half-hour on a mountain. And as time goes on, other friends who are also climbers are dying here and there, and the walls seem to move in on women like Maria. Of course, she also found out Tasker had been unfaithful to her, which couldn't have made her grieving any easier.

Many climbers admit they are drawn irresistibly to the mountains, and then at times during the climbs, are drawn just as strongly to be safe at home with family and friends again. But then they have an exhilarating view, or reach a summit, or encounter some other epiphany, and the yearning for home fades again. Many have promised to make a climb their last, but then broken their promise. Some have died on that "last" climb. More than once climbers have said bluntly to their partners: your vote doesn't count when I am on the mountain.

On some level, of course, as many climbers have pointed out, partners - mostly women - know what they are signing up for when they start a relationship with a serious climber. And many are fairly patient and understanding, and perhaps even empowered by the long absences of their partners. But it seems to take longer for them to realize what it really means - that their partners love something more than they love their family, and that is hard to grasp, especially when there are kids.

So I think climbers should read this book, just to remind them what their partners might be feeling and experiencing, and the rest of us can get a better grasp of the other side of these risk-taking heroes. Some of the book seemed like just common sense, research she had done on what makes these climbers tick. There were no revelations there. To me, the best parts of this book were when we hear the voices of all the survivors - including Maria - discussing their pain and loss, and the voices of climbers who either gave it up in time, or managed to lower their level of risk.

I wouldn't read more books on this topic the way I devour so many on climbing, but it is a good thing to have this one out there on the subject.

[Sally Edsall · Rating 5 out of 5]

A terrific successor to Fragile Edge by the same author. That book was a personal journey - a quest for answers - followed by the author after the death of her famous mountain climber boyfriend on the slopes of Everest.

This book looks at the effect of following this most dangerous of passions on the partners left behind and some who sometimes accompany their loved ones. Even more interestingly, Maria Coffey looks at the point of views of those who have no choice in their relationships with those whose addiction seems as self-serving and as inevitable as any other addiction - parents and children.

I really liked Coffey's earlier book, and I recommend this one as much. I believe she has matured as a writer as well. She has the knack of addressing very large picture issues yet not losing sight of the personal and `small moments'.

Some of the personal testimonies about coming to terms with loss and dealing with grief are true not only for losses under such circumstances, but there are some universal truths particularly for anyone who has had to deal with death and the "loss of a future", rather than a mere celebration of a life fulfilled (as many older person funerals have become in my culture in recent years).

An understated but important subtext for me is what this has to say about gender relations. It is no accident that most of those off risking their lives, and the fur=tures of those around them are male. Ms Coffey does touch on this, and especially the unusual circumstance of women with children who still pursue the apex of whatever mass of rock and ice they have their heart set on. However, she never table thumps an agenda . . . you are lft to ponder your own conclusions.

A remarkable achievement.That Ms Coffey has the confidence of so many associated with the pursuit is a testament to her insight and empathy.

I rate this alongside Ed Douglas's book "Chomolungma Sings The Blues" as my favourite books discussing ethical and spititual concerns about mountaineering.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting book, focusing on people who choose to do extreme mountaineering (climbing Everest or other dangerous peaks, etc.) and the toll it takes on them, as well as the toll it takes on their families, especially when things go wrong. The author dated someone who disappeared on Everest, so she has firsthand knowledge of how this sport affects others, and she interviewed a number of climbers and their families to round this out.

I'm not sure how I heard of this book. I thought I knew who'd recommended it to me, but when I made a comment about this book, they had no idea what I was talking about! This was well-written and thought out, and I thought the author did a good job covering the topic from a variety of angles. Near the beginning, it felt like the focus was more on the question of why someone would choose to continually return to a sport that is dangerous, especially after being involved in an accident or seeing their friends injured or die from mountain mishaps. I don't know if this question was ever fully answered, but there also didn't seem to be one single answer to it. Later in the book, she delved more into the toll this takes on families and how spouses, children, and parents cope and how this affects their relationship with the risk-taker.

I don't know if this book was fully enlightening on this topic, as it didn't provide any easy answers or conclusions but simply presented information for the reader to digest. That said, I did come away from this with a lot to think about and a vaguely better understanding of the internal draw that makes someone want to return to dangerous sports while also recognizing the outside forces (such as families who want the person to be around for major events) that don't seem to fully influence the climber for whatever reason. It seemed like the author was sympathetic to all sides in this, and it was clear from the stories and interviews that not everyone responded to danger and separations in the same way.

[Jeannette Hartman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maria Coffey dares ask the question: what happens to the families and loved ones when a mountaineer is lost pursuing his (or her) dream on high?

She knows first hand the high cost of losing someone you love to the high peaks: her boyfriend, the British mountaineer Joe Tasker, died on Mount Everest in 1982. In her extensive interviews with widows, parents, children, friends and psychologists, she finds answers that are not as simple as they might seem.

A surprising number of mountaineers' widows go on to become involved with other risk-taking men. But others find themselves hurt by the many absences, the high anxiety and being marginalized when their spouse or lover returns home to be treated like a returning rock star. Many mountaineers are adrenaline addicts, unable to be happy either at home or on the mountains.

Coffey points out repeatedly that the world needs risk-takers to inspire us, serve as role models for pursuing dreams and to excite our imaginations. But in today's world where most peaks have been climbed and virtually anyone with enough money can summit Mount Everest, there are fewer justifications beyond the strictly personal and selfish for taking such risks. While some mountaineers' children go on to follow in their footsteps, others are left unable to maintain relationships and perpetually confused and angry about parents who appeared to love the high peaks more than they did their children.

This is a must-read for anyone who follows mountain climbing, and is filled with interesting stories about climbers and expeditions.

[Mihai · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great account of the lives impacted when mountaineers of fame great and small fail to return home alive, or do so with lives changes by terrible debilitations resulting from accidents. I was familiar with many of these climbers and their accomplishments from other sources, but did not realize there was so much more social capital behind the individuals who became defined by their actions in the mountains. I enjoyed reading every single story in Mountain Shadow, which was seamlessly assembled by Maria Coffey following her own search for answers and meaning when Joe Tasker disappeared high on Everest almost twenty years earlier.

The book also forced me to reflect on the consequences my alpine goals and desires could have on my own family were something to happen to me while pursuing the passion for high places. I enjoy reading material that doesn't just inspire me, as much of mountaineering literature does by virtue of what the protagonists strive for, but that also makes me uncomfortable and challenges my beliefs, such as that if I were to perish in the mountains, the only responsibility should be placed squarely on myself. As author Maria Coffey makes it obvious here, we do not and cannot exist separately from other people, and when holes are ripped in the fabric of families and social networks by the untimely demise of those who call ourselves mountaineers, they are no less painful and full of sorrow than any other tragic loss of human life.

[Therese · Rating 3 out of 5]

Only three stars given because the author focused on a narrow view of the "dark side" of extreme adventure, the struggles of surviving loved ones. It has been over twenty years since this book was written, so my reading and review are set in a future unknown to the author. Yet, even twenty years ago, we knew something of the environmental and cultural cost of an ever increasing number of climbers on our highest mountains. Many modern climbers are untrained, relying on money and costly guides to provide an opportunity of fulfilling a dream, hopefully without loss of life. All of them fly hundreds or thousands of miles to reach these distant peaks, spend untold thousands of dollars, leave behind waste and trash, spoiling the last untouched places on this planet.
Reading about the emotions of families and friends of climbers who died in their pursuit of another mountaintop strongly reminded me of the statements of bereaved families whose communities have been devastated by narcotics epidemics in the recent past. A significant difference seems to be one group has wealth and the other has few financial resources.

[Marsha Altman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really interesting and important book to read if you're reading a bunch of books about Everest, though I'm knocking off a star because the perspective changes so darn much and without explanation of who is now talking. Basically, Coffey lost her husband to a mountaineering accident and decided to start interviewing widows of people who died on mountains (mostly Himalayan, like Everest or K2 or Annapurna) to see how it affected them and their families. She also interviewed climbers who came home with significant injuries and permanent disabilities, and talks about how the obsession with climbing can destroy families and - obviously - kill a lot of the people involved. It's a book that's an alternative to all of the books that essentially go, "I climbed Everest and it was great and I'm so proud and I definitely wasn't injured and didn't suffer a major depression and a divorce afterwards."

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great insight into the world of the extreme mountaineers and their loved ones, and it actually affected how I view them and put them in a more positive light. It was unflinchingly honest at times, and showed the darker side, and attempted to banish the trite ‘if they couldn’t climb they wouldn’t be true to themselves’ and ‘at least they died doing what they loved.’ The author challenges the death rate that is reported, and implies it is much higher and whitewashed so the glory and heroics continue. I am not sure how I would feel if a loved one chose this road, and just wish the ego they have to achieve these things would allow them to be single and not put their loved ones through this agony and drama. Hope for them all for healing and generosity of spirit.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

I always read articles about people climbing Everest and think, 'I do not understand the motivation for this.' Coffey's book examines mountaineers, their motivations and the struggles of those who love them. She goes beyond the concept if heroism usually applied to mountaineers and openly addresses the intense selfishness required to participate in such a dangerous and ultimately self-serving activity, a fact many mountaineers she interviews admit to. She also talks to their partners, spouses, children and parents about the disappointments, horrors and benefits of loving such a person, whether or not they chose too.

[Caitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was pretty eye opening in terms of how dangerous mountaineering actually is. I had no idea that so many experienced climbers died on locales such as Mt. Rainer or just training for the big climbs on the 8000m peaks. Even though this book is 20 years old, I still found it to be enlightening.

My only con about the book is that even though there are chapters that have a theme, it seemed like the book ran together rather than be parceled out on the theme. This did not take away from the book by any means, it just make it a little bit more challenging to understand what the author was trying to convey by the themes of the chapters.

[Greg · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book went to a very deep place in my mind and being. Exploring the cost others pay for the explorations of our personal summits is a heavy undertaking.
The book is directly about mountaineering, risk, and life after loss. Maybe a person has to have some of that infection for it to be as powerful as it is for me; I don't know. But, recounting all of these lives in the high mountains and the high cost of loss has taken me to a deep place of considering the glory and the cost of living as who we are.

[Misti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ever since I discovered my love of mountaineering books, I've always wondered what it's like for the family left behind. This book attempts to answer that. It's almost 20 years old now and so all the examples are older, but I found it fascinating and eye opening. It's also a book about dealing with grief, which is something that most of us can relate to whether it's a tragic accident on a mountain side or down the street in a car accident. Anyway, I really enjoyed this one and it gave me things to think about and names of other mountaineering books I need to read.

[Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

A unique and important book, unlike anything else I’ve read in the canon of mountaineering literature. It not only provides insights into why we are driven to climb but what it does to our friends and family.

This book was extensively researched, with Maria Coffey interviewing many climbers and their families. I will say that the structure could have been a bit better, but that may be a part of the difficulty of weaving together so many different stories.

[Bethany Roberts · Rating 4 out of 5]

A thought provoking book about the risks of high altitude mountaineering and the effect on those left at home who love and worry about these climbers. Such an interesting perspective amongst climbers of the mountain being like a “mistress” in many relationships. I’m left feeling humbled, sad, and entirely empathetic to the families who have missing loved ones in the high mountains. Well done.

[Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this years ago, it made and impression then and again now. Heart rending stories from the people left being when someone dies climbing. The book tries to answer the question, why and only partially succeeds.Were these climbers heroes or selfish egoists who had little thought for their loved ones? You need to read it and decide for yourself.

[Teresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

If anyone was in any doubt about mountaineering being dangerous this book will swiftly correct their view. Some of the stories (especially the one that opens the book) are chilling and the grief of those left behind is beautifully conveyed, but the stories began to feel the same by the end. A climber must be selfish and driven to be successful; they are not the best qualities for a life partner.

[Susan Moses · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just can't get my head around the risks high altitude climbers take, especially when they have a family. This book documents the feats and the deaths of so many climbers, and the havoc that their exploits and deaths wreak on their loved ones. It's a crazy way to live, and I'm glad I am not drawn to the lifestyle (although I love hiking!)